Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  March 24, 2012 12:00am-1:05am PDT

12:00 am
very latest on this one tomorrow. jimmy kimmel is coming up next. we'll meet you back here next monday and have a safe weekend, america. tonight on "jimmy kimmel live" -- will ferrell. [ speaking spanish ] >> ellie kemper. >> for a while, i was convinced that there were ghosts smoking pot. >> and music from allen stone. >> i believe we were given a phony uggie.abababababababababab
12:01 am
12:02 am
hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word about ragu pasta sauce. ragu's youtube channel has videos inspired by the stories 0 real parents. now guillermo, our friend, is a new father, buzz his son is only a few months old. so, we let him practice on my feoff knew wesley. >> how are you doing? i wesley -- let's try some pasta. wesley? >> no thank you. >> okay. let's try the soup. look. >> no! >> delicious. >> no, guillermo. >> you want to try the broccoli? >> no, thanks. >> okay.
12:03 am
try something else, okay? here comes the secret weapon. ragu. look, wesley, you want some ragu? oh! it's delicious. look. wow. it is good. >> my tummy. >> wow, it is real good. >> no! >> i own the pasta. >> no! >> i'll be right back. i'll get one for you. i'll be back. >> dicky: to watch more videos inspired by real moms and dads, check out the ragu youtube channel. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with ellie kemper, music from allen stone and will ferrell. when i'm on overtime. when i'm in over my head. when i have to be sharp... no matter how many time zones i've crossed. when i'm on my feet for hours. when it's game time. when the day's only half over but my energy is all gone. when i need the energy to start exercising.
12:04 am
every day. every day. every day is a 5-hour energy day. 5-hour energy. every day. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's i'm the co-producer and co-founder of the digitour. my blackberry is always in my hand. people will never see me without it. i get somewhere around 1,000 emails a day. try writing a thousand emails on a touch screen. [ male announcer ] blackberry bold. be bold. i get the power of claritin-d. sinus pressure? nothing works stronger or faster than claritin-d. get non-drowsy claritin-d at the pharmacy counter. live claritin clear. ashlee! ashlee! ashlee! ashlee! what were you looking for when you bought your edge? um, i was definitely looking for fuel economy. that's the whole reason we, we wanted to look at the ecoboost. can you talk a little bit about the style of the edge? um, well, i think it's very hip.
12:05 am
i even have several guys were like "whoa, do have twenties on those". like, don't even know what that means, but i guess it's cool. (laugh) is a total slam dunk. hey guys. how's everything going? yes! enjoying your bourbon street chicken & shrimp? slam it! yes! the game's on behind me, right? yup. [ male announcer ] it's all-new and all jazzed up with the flavors of bourbon street. enjoy a real fan favorite like our zesty bourbon street chicken & shrimp. or really score with our perfectly seasoned new entree: blackened chicken penne. one appetizer, two entrees, 20 bucks. enjoy the game and a great deal, only at applebee's. now serving half-price appetizers late night. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- will ferrell. ellie kemper. and music from allen stone. with cleto and the cletones. and now, guess what? here's jimmy kimmel!
12:06 am
♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you, band. hi, there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host for the show. thanks for watching. [ cheers and applause ] tonight is night one of the ncaa basketball tournament. march madness officially begins tonight. don't forget to set your wallet back 20 bucks. like most places of business, we have an office pool here at the show. we have an office pool where we bet who will win the office pool. we have a gambling problem. but the timing of the tournament works out nicely for me this year. now that "the bachelor" is over, i have time to follow other sports. i have unlv versus courtney in the finals. there's a new study.
12:07 am
this happens every year, that shows the ncaa basketball tournament will drastically reduce workplace productivity in march. 2.5 million workers will waste 90 minutes a day watching basketball and filling out brackets. maybe we should export march madness to china to slow them down a little. [ laughter ] the study was done by the employment consulting firm, challenger, grey and christmas. that's really the name of the company. i went on the website today. and this is the home page there. you see in the window, challenger, gray and christmas are busy watching over the city to make sure we aren't watching basketball. zoom in more on that, will you? oh, look at that. those hypocrites. they're filling out ncaa brackets. the report has one fatal flaw in my opinion. it assumes that if we weren't watching march madness, we would be working. but around here, at least, i can assure you that's not the case. all it cuts into around here, is time watching internet porn.
12:08 am
so, that could be a good thing. it could be tough to keep up a job while watching the ins and outs of basketball. tonight, we have a panel of experts to break it down for you. the land-o-lakes butter lady. our correspondent yehya. and cory, who works outside of our building as chewbacca. together, they are known as the worst sports team on television. >> it's the worst sports team on television. >> hi. i'm yehya. welcome to the show. i'm yehya. >> and i'm cory. [ laughter ] >> and today, talking about the march mountainous. taking about the east. you know? actually, the east is texas, florida. i don't know that's a name i
12:09 am
forget. >> florida. >> i said florida. >> okay. >> texas. those are the first. >> texas. and now, it's got, like -- isn't that where they got the kangaroos? >> no. kangaroos in canada. not in texas. >> i thought they put up the fences. >> no. in texas, they have tornadoes. i don't know. in canada, right? >> she only knows about the butter. >> okay. for that for me, that's it. thank you. good-bye. >> buy my butter. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. you know -- [ cheers and applause ] couldn't get a word in edgewise with the butter lady. i told you it was the worst sports team on television. president obama was at one of the play-in games at dayton, ohio, tonight. he brought british prime minister, david cameron, with him. it's part of a cultural exchange program. they go to a basketball game
12:10 am
now here in america. and then, in july, the prime minister has invited obama to england to take part in a soccer riot. so that will be fun. [ laughter ] meanwhile, there are a number of republican primaries today, in alabama, mississippi, hawaii and american samoa. i knew they had a girl scout cookie, but i didn't note they were voting now. good for them. 0 by the way, if you or someone you love is suffering from multiple elections, please contact your doctor immediately. it was very close in the south. romney, santorum and gingrich were neck and neck and double chin all night long. mitt romney has trouble relating to regular people. someone asked him if he was a fan of nascar. and he said he had several friends who were nascar team owners. and when asked about peyton manning, romney said he has several friends that are nfl team owners. he knows a lot of owners. the candidates seem like the kind of guy you can have a beer with? mitt romney's the kind of guy
12:11 am
you can buy a brewery with. rick santorum yesterday spoke at what they call the gulf coast energy summit, in biloxi, mississippi. and he said, he believes global warming is bogus. and when rick santorum speaks about climate science, you listen. because as you can see here, he looks a lot like a local weather man. thanks, rick. now, here's newt with sports. here's what i would ask rick santorum, if global warming isn't real, why don't any of your sweaters have sleeves? santorum went on to say -- he also doesn't believe that carbon dioxide is dangerous. >> when it was tough to say that stuff in the ground is an asset, not a liability, i stood up and said, the science is bogus. i said, this isn't climate science. this is political science. the dangers of carbon dioxide, tell that to a plant how dangerous carbon dioxide is. >> jimmy: really?
12:12 am
really? to a plant? [ laughter ] you think being under water is dangerous? tell that to a fish. [ laughter ] i don't get it. but i do like to keep an open mind. i'm going to do exactly what rick santorum suggested, if you don't mind. oh, we happen to have some plants over here. all right. what i'm going to do is i'm going to consult a plant. specifically, this plant here. >> hello, jimmy. >> jimmy: hi, plant. >> hi. >> jimmy: i wanted to ask you, is carbon dioxide dangerous? >> well, actually, jimmy, it is. yes. while plants like me do absorb carbon dioxide, we can't imagine to absorb the amount that humans put into the air. check this out. click. all right. this carbon builds up in something called the greenhouse
12:13 am
effect, which traps heat from the sun, leading to a warming cycle that can be very dangerous to life on this planet. click. additional carbon is absorbed by the ocean, increasing its acidity and making it toxic to animals and plants alike. that's what you end up with. >> jimmy: well, thank you plan. i'm glad i asked you about that. >> yeah, no problem. and hey, could you tell your cousin to stop peeing on me. >> jimmy: yeah, i'll mention that. thank you very much. that's a plant. [ cheers and applause ] between guillermo and the plant, we're this close to running "sesame street." meanwhile, former vice president dick cheney is back in the news. dick cheney just canceled a trip to canada, because he believes it's too dangerous. it is? i thought canada was in canada, isn't it? [ laughter ] for a guy who shoots old men in the face, he has a weird sense of what's dangerous.
12:14 am
apparently, dick cheney is worried because his presence has caused violent protests in canada in the past, which i guess can be dangerous. he's not in great health. what if he suffered another heart attack. he would be whisked to the hospital where he would get expert medical care for free. everything he believes in would be destroyed. hey, here's something. i don't want to bring the mood down. but this is something i'm very upset about. have you seen the movie "the artist"? it's a very good movie. won best picture at the academy awards. and the best part of the movie, in my opinion, was the dog. there's a dog named jack. it's played by an actor dog named uggie. uggie is a great dog. he knows a lot of tricks. so we thought it would be fun to have him on the show to make oscar predictions last month and we did. he was here for five nights. here's uggie in the movie "the artist." okay? see, good looking dog. with best actor jean desjardins.
12:15 am
now, pause that. here's video of uggie when he was on our show. we're going to freeze that, too. and examine here. if you look closely, a sharp-eyed young lady named diane noticed this. the marking behind uggie's ear does not match the dog in the movie. i believe we were given a phony uggie. a phuggie, if you will. which, to me, is an outrage. and we weren't the only ones who fell victim to this hoax. here's uggie on ellen's show. and that doesn't look like the uggie, either. they swindled me. and they swindled ellen. not only that. the dog on stage at the golden globes, you can see here, does not have the markings that uggie has. and the dog who went to the oscars, the dog on the stage at the academy awards, not uggie, either. it's quite a scandal we've uncovered here, isn't it? [ laughter ] it would be like if they sent a
12:16 am
meryl streep look-alike to the academy awards. that would not be acceptable, would it? uggie got invited to the white house correspondents dinner next month. a dinner that i happen to be hosting. and guess what? if they don't send the real uggie, i'm not letting him in. i demand an investigation. [ cheers and applause ] am i nuts? a crime has been committed, hasn't it? and where is mcgruff, the crime dog, through all of this? i want to get to the bottom of this. we paid an imposter. it cost us thousands of dollars to have -- that's ugged up is what it is. next, we're going to find out the snooki we had on the show was fake, too. i'm going to find out who is responsible for this. and i'm going to make them pay. i don't know how i'm going to do it. i'll get ace ventura on the phone. can you believe this, guillermo? >> no, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's still got kermit in camouflage in the corner there. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we're all in a lot of shock.
12:17 am
guillermo was up very early this morning tweeting. he has a baby son at home. and early this morning, here's guillermo's tweet. good morning, friends. i am hungry. and my son won't go to sleep. and then, he tweeted, my stomach is making different types of noises. is 4:46 in the morning in l.a. is way too early for a pizza. and too cold for a cereal. [ laughter ] too cold for cereal? it was 65 degrees today, by the way. and then, he wrote, i think i will make some coffee with peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and then, huevos rancheros sound good, too. but it takes so much noise. and everybody is sleeping. very considerate. and then, finally, my son just fell asleep. great. time to visit the kitchen. see you soon, friends. thanks for sharing your struggles, with us, guillermo. what did you wind up eating? >> peanut butter and jelly sandwich. >> jimmy: you had the peanut butter and jelly? with the coffee? >> yeah.
12:18 am
>> jimmy: do you pour them on the sandwich? or separately? >> separately. >> jimmy: okay, very good. you should make a book of these tweets for your son to read. >> yeah, i should. >> jimmy: when he grows up and thinks you're crazy. one more thing. this is odd. apparently, according to law enforcement officials, all across the country, there's a strange new crime wave. people are stealing tide laundry detergent. a bottle of tide can go for $5 to $10 on the black market. though i'm not sure why you would buy one on the black market when they're in the market, but -- the problem is so bad, and this is serious, some cities are setting up task forces to stop this. i wonder how much street cred you get for being a detergent burglar? police believe it's tied to the drug trade. and my prayer is that they're not washing their blood shirts with the crip's pants. no one wants a purple criminal.
12:19 am
the thefts are getting more and more brazen. i saw this on tv today. look at this. >> for my family's toughest stains, there's only one detergent -- >> give me the tide. >> what? >> i said give it to me. >> no. no! >> cheer detergent. why take chances. all-temp-a-cheer. >> jimmy: all right. we have a good show for you tonight. from "the office," and "21 jump street," ellie kemper is here. we have music tonight from allen stone. and we'll be right back with will ferrell, en espanol. so, stick around. turn left. the passat is one of nine volkswagen models named a 2012 iihs top safety pick.
12:20 am
not that we'd ever brag about it. turn right. come on, nine. turn left. hit the brakes. huh? how'd that get there? [ male announcer ] we can't hide how proud we are to have nine top safety picks like the passat and jetta. so we're celebrating with our "safety in numbers" event. that's the power of german engineering. right now lease the 2012 jetta for $159 a month. lease the 2012 jetta what makes a hershey's bar pure? pure togetherness. pure friendship. pure delicious chocolate. pure hershey's. this one's for all us lawn smiths. grass gurus. doers. here's to more saturdays in the sun. and budgets better spent. here's to turning rookies into experts, and shoppers into savers. here's to picking up. trading up. mixing it up. to well-earned muddy boots and a lot more spring per dollar. more saving. more doing.
12:21 am
that the power of the home depot. break out the gardening gloves. miracle-gro garden soil is now 3 bags for 10 bucks. music. and the confidence to win. [ male announcer ] head & shoulders active sport with the high-performance hydrazinc formula, helps lock in scalp moisture for hair that's up to 100% flake-free. head & shoulders active sport for men. wash confidence in. you know who you are. you can part a crowd, without saying a word.
12:22 am
you have yet to master the quiet sneeze. you stash tissues like a squirrel stashes nuts. well, muddlers, muddle no more. try zyrtec®. it gives you powerful allergy relief. and zyrtec® is different than claritin® because zyrtec® starts working at hour 1 on the first day you take it. claritin® doesn't start working until hour 3. zyrtec®. love the air.
12:23 am
12:24 am
>> jimmy: hello there. tonight on the program, a delightful woman you know from the movie "bridesmaids," and the show "the office." and her new movie is "21 jump street." ellie kemper is here. and then, with music from this, his self-titled album, allen stone from the bud light stage. it's his birthday, too. so, stick around for cake. join us tomorrow night. jonah hill will be here. we'll have music from the crystal method, featuring martha reeves. that will be weird. and then, thursday, channing tatum, genesis rodriguez, and music from the joy formidable. so -- and now, for the remainder of our segment, i will transition into espanol. [ laughter ]
12:25 am
[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hola. >> hola. hola. >> jimmy: hola.
12:26 am
[ cheers and applause ]
12:27 am
[ laughter ]
12:28 am
>> no understand. [ laughter ] >> sorry. i don't understand what you guys are talking about.
12:29 am
[ laughter and applause ]
12:30 am
♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
12:31 am
>> continue. >> jimmy: gracias.
12:32 am
[ laughter ] [ speaking in spanish ]
12:33 am
[ speaking in spanish ] >> can you stop this thing with the subtitles, please? [ bleep ]. i mean, i'm just a normal guy that comes from mexico, you know? that has been used by an american again. [ laughter ] once again. and i just have to say that, we come from a country of very, very beautiful people. you know?
12:34 am
we are all very, very handsome. very good-looking. you know? i mean, you can use me as an example. [ laughter ] right? another great example. actor in this film. guillermo over there. come on. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. like guillermo over here. >> you're bringing down our people. i mean, i know our film is going to be a huge success. it opens friday, by the way. [ cheers and applause ] but you have to stop this thing. you're not mexican, no matter how much you try. you can't be mexican. sorry. sorry. with that pasty, white skin, come on. we don't use crazy hair like yours, man. sorry. you are not mexican. do you get it, will? okay?
12:35 am
[ cheers and applause ] >> by the way, you speak better spanish than him. >> jimmy: gracias. >> everything is fake here. this horse is fake. [ laughter ] [ bleep ]. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: guillermo! [ cheers and applause ]
12:36 am
12:37 am
rere's me. and here's my depression. before i started taking abilify, i was taking an antidepressant alone. most days i could get out from under and carry on. but other days, i still struggled with my depression.
12:38 am
i was handling it... but sometimes it still dragged me down. i'd been feeling stuck for a long time. so i talked to my doctor and she added abilify to my antidepressant. she said it could help with my depression, and that some people had symptom improvement as early as 1 to 2 weeks. i'm glad i talked to her. i wish i'd done it sooner. now i feel more in control of my depression. [announcer:] abilify is not for everyone. call your doctor if your depression worsens or you have unusual changes in behavior, or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens, and young adults. elderly dementia patients taking abilify have an increased risk of death or stroke. call your doctor if you have high fever, stiff muscles, and confusion to address a possible life-threatening condition. or if you have uncontrollable muscle movements, as these could become permanent. high blood sugar has been reported with abilify and medicines like it, and in extreme cases can lead to coma or death. other risks include increased cholesterol, weight gain, decreases in white blood cells, which can be serious, dizziness on standing, seizures, trouble swallowing, and impaired judgment or motor skills.
12:39 am
depression was always hanging over me. then my doctor added abilify to my antidepressant. now i feel better. [announcer:] if you're still struggling with depression talk to your doctor to see if the option of adding abilify is right for you. and be sure to ask about the free trial offer. and i've got to pick someone. [ thinking ] okay, you just ordered a crispy mcchicken and a fresh-brewed sweet tea for only a buck each off mcdonald's dollar menu, so you're smart. nah, i got nothing. ♪ let me get that door for you... [ man ] i loved my first car... sometimes the door gets stuck... oh sure. ooh! [ man ] ...and then, i didn't.
12:40 am
um... [ sighs ] [ man ] so, i got a car i can love a really, really long time. [ male announcer ] for the road ahead, the all-new subaru impreza. ♪ experience love that lasts. [ younger brother ] oh, do you want it? yeah. ok, we'll split it. [ female announcer ] made fresh, so light.. ...buttery and flaky... this is half. that is not half. guys i have more. [ female announcer ] do you have enough crescents? mom, we're dying. no you're not, you're just hungry. make some totino's pizza rolls. we don't have any! front... left, totino's. [ male announcer ] well done mom! less drama, more fun! totino's pizza rolls.
12:41 am
>> jimmy: hola. wait a minute. still to come on the show, allen stone will be with us. our next guest is a very funny woman, who was once a baby and now is grown. you know her from "the office," and from "bridesmaids." now, she co-stars with jonah hill and channing tatum in the big-screen version of "21 jump street." it opens in theaters friday. please welcome ellie kemper. [ cheers and applause ]
12:42 am
>> jimmy: you're very speedy. i like that. >> i run. i get excited. and i have to run out. >> jimmy: do you speak spanish, too? >> i don't. i wanted to. >> jimmy: do you speak any other languages? >> i took french in high school. >> jimmy: oh. >> i took french because my uncle -- i'm sorry. my aunt married a french farmer. so, we have all these french cousins. i'm not that good. i thought i was very good at french. and we go to visit my uncle and aunt in france. my uncle, michele is french. and he says, to me, you understand. kerry can speak it. i understand what is being said. i just can't speak it. >> jimmy: your uncle would visit and insult you? >> he would insult me. he's a very kind man. but he speaks the truth. you are not good at speaking the language. i know why i'm not good. >> jimmy: why? >> in french class, in tenth grade, all we did was watch the o.j. trial. [ laughter ] that's why i'm not good.
12:43 am
we literally -- how long was the o.j. trial? it was like months. >> jimmy: almost a year. >> yes. months. and once a week, we would watch it. it wasn't in french. we didn't talk about it in french. we just watched it. >> jimmy: your teacher was into o.j. >> yes. i can say it. >> jimmy: you knocked his socks off with knowledge of o.j. >> and i haven't retained that. he was innocent, right? >> jimmy: well -- [ laughter ] some would say no. [ laughter ] >> it depends. >> jimmy: yes. last time you were here, you were living in our neighborhood. >> yes. i was living down the street from here. >> jimmy: right down the street, which seemed like a bad idea. >> i told the story about being mugged. and i was hoping i would get mugged so i would have another story. i don't want to get mugged. anyway, i have moved. i moved into a house. >> jimmy: very good. you bought a house? >> i bought a house. and i live in it. when i moved in, not only did i buy it. i decided to live in it. >> jimmy: you went all the way with that.
12:44 am
>> i like to make big moves. i went in. so, everything was empty. the people were moved out. went down to the basement. there were a couple of, like, paint cans there, you know, for various walls that had assigned paint color. >> jimmy: right. >> and on this workman's table against the wall of the basement, i saw something glimmering. upon closer inspection, i took a picture for you. i found two teeth. bloody teeth. >> jimmy: i'll hold this up. i thought you were going to say it was a jewel or something. >> nope. nope. >> jimmy: it looks like fresh blood. >> it is fresh blood. you don't know how to react because nobody does. >> jimmy: are they human teeth? >> they're definitely canine, if that they have to be incisors, right? i don't know if they're from a dog. i immediately -- i have to tell you, i was freaked out. but i wasn't that freaked out because my older brother, john, had his wisdom teeth out in tenth grade or whatever. and for some reason, we kept them.
12:45 am
this is so weird. he brought them home after he got them out. and he had them by the tv. and we sort of kept them there all of high school. >> jimmy: like part of the family. >> kind of. i was freaked out. anyway, i took them with me to work. and i threw them out on the 101, which is a highway. >> jimmy: what? >> i didn't want, like, anyone -- if it was on a pedestrian street and someone would like -- i wanted them out. i feel like they're haunted. they're like bloody teeth in my basement. >> jimmy: you mean, the garbage was not an option? >> they would come back. they would find their way back. >> jimmy: did you buy the house from an orthodontist or a voodoo priest or something like that? >> i almost wish. he was a lawyer. >> jimmy: was that in the real estate list, two bloody teeth? >> i know what i'm looking for. >> jimmy: otherwise, is the house normal? is it okay? >> it's very cold. and it often smells of pot. i don't smoke pot. for a while, i'm being serious, i thought there were ghosts smoking pot because -- [ laughter ]
12:46 am
>> jimmy: really? >> because of the teeth. and later on, i was talking. and my neighbor says, it smells like pot a lot. it's skunk. it's skunks around the neighborhood. >> jimmy: there's skunks. maybe these are skunk teeth. >> ew. you see -- >> jimmy: that's worse? >> yeah. it's not better. >> jimmy: than human teeth, i don't know. i think -- i don't know. to me, the skunk teeth would be preferable. "the office" has wrapped for the season, right? >> we just wrapped for the season. >> jimmy: the fourth season, correct? >> that i have been on. eighth season total, wrapped. but we really only count it since i've been on. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's where it hit its stride. and your sister works on "the office," the sister better at french than you? >> si. or oui. i didn't mean that. >> jimmy: your uncle will be horrified. >> he doesn't watch you. yes. she works -- >> jimmy: he doesn't? >> no, no. "the office." he doesn't watch "the office."
12:47 am
he watches your show. from france. >> jimmy: sure. >> that's what i meant. >> jimmy: your uncle doesn't watch? does your family watch the show? your sister's writing it. you're on the show. >> my family is very excited and proud, with the exception of my 90-year-old grandpa. i have to say, he's completely with it. he loves you. he loves stephen colbert. e he loves to read. he's very with it. he hates "the office." >> jimmy: why? >> he doesn't get it. he doesn't know why it's so shaky. [ laughter ] he doesn't think it's funny. >> jimmy: why doesn't he think it's funny? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: why did he tell you this? >> exactly. beyond that, you don't think it's funny, half of your grandchildren are on it. but he's like -- i like that he doesn't pretend to watch it. he's like, i'll talk to him about an episode and he's like, i haven't seen it. i don't watch that show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what a lovely grandpa. >> he is very good. >> jimmy: maybe he'll like "21 jump street." maybe that's more up his alley. i thought the movie was very funny. i think that's going to be a
12:48 am
huge hit. >> i hope so. >> jimmy: you play the teacher -- >> miss griggs, yes. >> jimmy: i don't want to give too much away. i'll let you give it away. >> she finds two teeth -- no. she is a teacher -- my character has a kraush on the character that channing tatum plays. they go as undercover cops to high school. >> jimmy: yes. and i won't give too much away. but the movie is very funny. congratulations. i'm glad. i hope your grandfather appreciates it. will he go to see the film? >> he probably will. he loves movies, yes. >> jimmy: ellie kemper, everyone. you can see her in "21 jump street," it opens friday. we'll be right back with allen street," it opens friday. we'll be right back with allen stone. about cheese as you so inspired by the popularity of italy's most famous cheese, we've created three new parmesan dishes.
12:49 am
new grilled chicken parmesan, featuring chicken fresh off the grill as well as grilled shrimp or grilled steak. all with a savory parmesan crust. for a limited time only, it's our passion for parmesan for people who really like parmesan. olive garden. when you're here, you're family. now for just $6.95 you can create your own lunch. with one of six choices, like a half a flatbread. plus unlimited soup or salad. when it comes to paint... ...there's one brand that always tops the charts. so let's grab a few of those gallons- at a price that's now even lower. 'cause when we mix behr ultra paint and primer in one... ...with a few hours... ...we get more than just color... ...we get top-rated coverage. the kind wakes up walls, and reinvents rooms. more saving. more doing. that's the power of the home depot. behr ultra paint and primer in one now starts at just $29.38, it's lowest price ever.
12:50 am
but sometimes i wonder... what's left behind? [ female announcer ] purifying facial cleanser from neutrogena® naturals. removes 99% of dirt and toxins without dyes, parabens or harsh sulfates. so skin feels pure and healthy. [ female announcer ] from neutrogena® naturals. i get the power of claritin-d. sinus pressure? nothing works stronger or faster than claritin-d. get non-drowsy claritin-d at the pharmacy counter. live claritin clear. with smooth caramel and chocolate. ♪ hmm twix. also available in peanut butter. the audience choice ingredient bud light! and here we go. looks like chef dubois is emulsifying the bud light into a foam, what's his competitor doing?
12:51 am
he appears to be having a really, really good time. cheers. a bud light reduction for dubois and his opponent? also improvising nicely, let's see that again. judges? i like the use of the pressure cooker to tenderize the beef. but also the use of the cell phone to order the pizza. [ male announcer ] it's the sure sign of a good time. the just right taste of bud light. here we go. sorry chef, we're going to need more ingredient.
12:52 am
those five food groups sound a whole lot better when you put them in a taco shell instead of a pyramid.
12:53 am
old el paso. when you gotta have mexican. this reduced sodium soup says it may help lower cholesterol, how does it work? you just have to eat it as part of your heart healthy diet. step 1. eat the soup. all those veggies and beans, that's what may help lower your cholesterol and -- well that's easy [ male announcer ] progresso. you gotta taste this soup.
12:54 am
cleaning better doesn't have to take longer. i'm done. i'm gonna...use these. ♪ give me just a little more time ♪ [ female announcer ] unlike mops, swiffer can maneuver into tight spaces without the hassle and its wet mopping cloths can clean better in half the time, so you don't miss a thing. mom? ahhhh! ahhhh! no it's mommy! [ female announcer ] swiffer. better clean in half the time. or your money back. and i've got to pick someone. [ thinking ] okay, you just ordered a crispy mcchicken and a fresh-brewed sweet tea for only a buck each off mcdonald's dollar menu, so you're smart. nah, i got nothing. ♪
12:55 am
[ female announcer ] weak, damaged hair needs new aveeno nourish+ strengthen. active naturals wheat formulas restore strength for up to 90% less breakage in three washes. for strong, healthy hair with life, new aveeno nourish+ strengthen. so i get claritin clear. ♪ i can see clearly now the rain is gone ♪ look! see that? this is all bayberry, and bayberry pollen is very allergenic. non-drowsy claritin relieves my worst symptoms
12:56 am
for 24 hours... you guys doing good? ... including itchy eyes, runny nose, and sneezing. and only claritin is proven to keep me as alert and focused as someone without allergies. ♪ it's gonna be bright bright sunshiny day ♪ live claritin clear with non-drowsy claritin.
12:57 am
12:58 am
>> jimmy: this is his self-titled album. here with the song "satisfaction," allen stone. ♪ ♪ i've been givin' you love you've been givin' me ♪ ♪ pain and sorrow i been givin' you love ♪ ♪ and i was hoping your love would follow ♪ ♪ but now it seems i'm just another ♪ ♪ quarter in your offering now it seems ♪ ♪ i'm just another victim in your schemes so ♪ ♪ what's it gonna take how many hearts ♪ ♪ you gonna break before you find satisfaction ♪ ♪ you're like a snake let me eat your fruit ♪ ♪ and then you shoot shoot till you ♪ ♪ find satisfaction
12:59 am
satisfaction ♪ ♪ i've been giving you love you've been giving me ♪ ♪ nothing but excuses i've been giving you love ♪ ♪ you've been giving me conjugal visits ♪ ♪ but now it seems i'm just another ♪ ♪ quarter in your offering now it seems ♪ ♪ i'm just another victim in your schemes ♪ ♪ what's it gonna take how many hearts ♪ ♪ you gonna break before you find satisfaction ♪ ♪ you're like a snake let me eat your fruit ♪ ♪ and then you shoot shoot till you ♪ ♪ find satisfaction satisfaction ♪ ♪ ♪ now it seems
1:00 am
i'm just another ♪ ♪ quarter in your offering now it seems ♪ ♪ i'm just another victim in your schemes ♪ ♪ what's it gonna take how many hearts ♪ ♪ you gonna break before you find satisfaction ♪ ♪ you're like a snake let me eat your fruit ♪ ♪ and then you shoot shoot till you ♪ ♪ find satisfaction ♪ what's it gonna take how many hearts ♪ ♪ you gonna break before you find satisfaction ♪ ♪ you're like a snake let me eat your fruit ♪ ♪ and then you shoot shoot till you ♪ ♪ find satisfaction satisfaction ♪ ♪ ooh, satisfaction satisfaction ♪ >> put your hands together like this, y'all.
1:01 am
♪ when you gonna find satisfaction ♪ ♪ when you gonna find satisfaction ♪ ♪ when you gonna find satisfaction ♪ ♪ when you gonna find satisfaction ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪
1:02 am
[ older brother ] hey, that's the last crescent. [ younger brother ] oh, do you want it? yeah. ok, we'll split it. [ female announcer ] made fresh, so light... ...buttery and flaky... this is half. that is not half. guys i have more. [ female announcer ] do you have enough crescents? mom, we're dying. no you're not, you're just hungry. make some totino's pizza rolls. we don't have any! front... left, totino's. [ male announcer ] well done mom! less drama, more fun! totino's pizza rolls.
1:03 am
1:04 am
>> jimmy: i want to thank will ferrell. i want to thank ellie kemper. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time.

118 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on