news. we hope you check in with "good morning america." jimmy kimmel is next, and we'll see you back here tomorrow. up next on an all new jimmy kimmel live. mcdonald's has a hunger games happy meal. you don't want to order it. they just put it out there and may the best kid win. zooey deschanel. steven seegal. >> it's steven seegal, and musie

hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, along with alyssa, who we found on youtube because she can pronounce any word backwards. see? alyssa here's to help me tell you that stubhub is the place to find great deals on concert and sporting events like the college basketball tournament even if they're sold out or last minute. and it's so easy to use, you can place your order faster you can say stubhub backwards. alyssa? >> buhbuts. buh-buts! stubhub backwards. stubhub's interactive seat maps give you the freedom to choose the seats you want. alyssa, freedom backwards. >> modeerf. interactive backwards. >> evitcaretni. correct! stubhub offers a fanprotect guarantee, so you'll be confident your tickets will be

valid and arrive on-time for your event. guarantee backwards! >> eetnaraug. stubhub is the place to go for tickets to games and concerts. tickets to games and concerts! >> stercnoc dna semag ot stekcit. you're amazing. >> ginzama. thank you. >> uoy knaht. okay, that's enough. >> hguone staht. >> the place where millions of fans go every month for sports tickets. jimmy kimmel back in two minutes with zooey deschanel, steven seagal and music from shinedown. at olive garden,

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with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! >> thank you very much. thank you. i'm jimmy, the host of the show. thank you for watching and joining us here in hollywood. judging from the box office totals this weekend, i'm assuming that all of you saw "the hunger games" this weekend. [cheers and applause ] >> i went to see it last night. it's weird to watch a movie about children who have to fight to death for food with an 80-ounce quok zero and a box of

raisinets the size of a shoe box in your lap, but i managed. the movie made $150 million in the u.s. alone. the biggest opening weekend for a non-sequel ever. if you add in the foreign box office, the movie made another $60 million and that's not even counting the commercial ties. mcdonald's has a "hunger games" happy meal. you don't order it. they just put it out there and may the best kid win. the movie, if you don't know, is based on a series of books. i preferred the movie to the books because i didn't read the books. this is how i know. they estimate that about half of the ticket buyers were under 25 years old and very enthusiastic. >> we spoke to some pre-teen "hunger games" fans. they liked the movie. >> oh, my god! >> that's the next incarnation

of "the view." for those who aren't familiar with the basic plot of "the hunger games," one of the young ladies there was more than happy to explain it in a nutshell. >> it's almost like so surreal, the whole story is really surreal. like, it's this amazing story about this girl, and it's not even only about the love story, it's about this whole journey she has to go through, through these -- and it's basically about our future in america. [ laughter ] >> that's surreal. we're so really in trouble then. this is how they should decide the republican primary. let the candidate's children fight to the death. whose family would win that? would it be the santorums with their smiles and pastel wardrobes? or would it be the romney family? you got to have to go with the

romneys because they have them outnumbered. maybe it would be the gingrichs. this say family that knows a thing or two about hunger. look at newt jr in his blue shirt. he's adorable. we had a new episode of "dancing with the stars" on abc. after all the college basketball games, i needed some ballroom dancing to cleanse the pallet. kathrerine jenkins has the high score. did any of you know who she was before this? do any of you know now? martina navratilova is in last place. i felt the dances tonight lacked fluidity. "dancing with the stars" has started to integrate twitter in the show. viewers are watching and can tweet and if you're lucky, your comments will be selected. this is from tonight's show. >> tomorrow night u our results show returns, we have music.

>> breast feeding and watching "dancing with the stars." that's how i watch it too. kim kardashian had what you might call a fashion disaster. she was at a party in west hollywood to promote her new fragrance. while she was on it, someone dumped flour all over her. [ applause ] as you can see, america is very upset about it. they said that's the closest a kardashian has ever come to cooking something. the video cuts off there, so you don't get to see kim get de floured, but that's on another video. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> apparently it was a woman who did it. she was an anti-fur protester.

kim's going to press charges. kim wasn't even wearing fur. her stepfather, bruce jenner was outraged by the attack, or maybe he was overjoyed. with all the plastic surgery, it's impossible to tell anymore. tiger woods did something unusual this weekend. he won a golf tournament. apparently he used to be a golfer and, he finished first at the arnold palmer invitational in orlando yesterday, his first pga tour win in two and a half wins. batten down the hooters girls, there's a celebration on the way. tiger now a four to one favorite at the masters. they say he has to stay away from ambien, esclads and hostesses at the waffle house. >> i don't know if this was a project for ikia, but some guys built a loop out of wood to ride a sled through it, but it didn't

snow, so they decided to try it with a skateboard instead. kind of like wil e. coyote. i think it would have been worse with a sled. we always hear about how much smarter the swedes are than us, but it's nice to see a dummy from sweden every once in a while. simon cowell had a scary moment on saturday. someone broke into his house. >> it's not easy to rattle x factor judge simon cowell, but it did happen after somebody broke into his home in london. simon cowell told police he heard a loud bang is the night. he went upstairs, checked it out, there was a woman there standing in his bathroom, holding a brick. simon's security team captured that woman until the police got there. she's ghu court today. >> i'm just glad to see them

back together. [cheers and applause ] >> pope benedict the 16th, spent the week in mexico, he likes senior frog's. spring break say bad time for the pope to visit mexico. put your bikini tops back on, it's the pope! he seemed like he really took to the local culture. >> 300,000 people rode buses and walked for mile to attend the pope's outdoor mass during his final day of his mission to mexico. the crowd was thrilled to see him wearing a black and white sombrero. >> he wears the best hats, he really does. he gives lady gaga a run for her money. congratulations are in order for former vice president dick cheney, who was the lucky recipient of a new heart over the weekend. the operation was a success,

despite fears that his body would reject the new heart because it wasn't sufficiently evil. [ applause ] >> there's a question as to whether he was given special treatment, but i guess he had been on the wait list for 20 months. if this was a tv movie, they would have given him the heart of an occupy wall street proter, preferably a gay one. wouldn't that be poetic? he sees a commercial for mamma mia on brad way and just starts to pound and he doesn't know why. according to his doctor, the recovery is going well and he'll be up and shooting people in three weeks. rick santorum had a big win on saturday, beating mitt romney by 22 pointss.

santorum into the into a heated argument with a reporter yesterday. it started when santorum made remarks about mitt romney during a rally in wisconsin, which that's got to be the whitest place on the planet. but anyway, here's what he said. >> pick any of the republican in the country, he is the worst republican in the country, to put up against barack obama. >> so after the speech, a reporter asked him about that comment and that's when the trouble started. >> you said romney is the worst republican in the country. is that true? >> what speech did you listen to. stop lying. i said he was the worst republican to run on the issue of obama care. i have said you should uniquely disqualify to run against barack obama on the issue of health care. >> do you think he's the worst

republican to run -- >> against barack obama on the issue of health care. because he fashioned the blueprint. i've been saying it on every speech. quit distorting my words. if i see it, it's [ bleep ]. come on, man, what are you doing? >> somebody had too much mart nelly's before going on stage. juice makes him grumpy. then he told the guy to go procreate himself. it got ugly. you don't expect that from a man wearing a stweter vest. we lined up an interview with rick santorum's brother. he was with us last week and joins us again via satellite from harris burg, pennsylvania. >> the pleasure is all mine. >> tell us about what happened with your brother. would you describe that as an outburst? >> somehow, i knew you were going to ask me about that,

jimmy. the lame stream media loves a good story, even when that story is a fairy tale. >> but your brother did use some unexpected profanity? >> jimmy, my brother has not and would not ever use profanity. it's against the teachings of the holy bible and against the santorum family code. funny story, jimmy, last year my wife med deucea got the idea to put a swear jar on our counter, and she told our children, faith, hope, charity, pity, grace, abstinence and trish, every time you swear, a nickel goes into that jar. at the end of the year, we're going to send that money to orphans in africa. well, a year went by, and jimmy, do you know how much we sent those orphans? >> how much? >> nothing. not one dime.

>> that's a heart-warming story. but i'm pretty sure i did hear your brother say a curse word, brett. >> you can't always believe everything you think you hear. your ears may be sinning against you. >> my ears may be sinning? what does that mean? >> jimmy, the human ear has lots of little folds where satan loves to hide and squirm around and poke his pointy little butt tail. >> i was unaware of that. so if your brother didn't say bull s, what did he say exactly? >> he said ball sweat. he said ball sweat, jimmy. ball sweat is the per spiration that forms under a man's testicles after physical exertion. >> yeah, i know what it is. but how is that better than what we thought he said? >> jimmy, ball sweat is an all-natural creation of the

human body. there's nothing shameful about it. in fact, the connoisseur of aroma can be seductive. >> so you're saying your brother was misquoted then? >> that's right. and not for the first time. you may remember a few months back, people accused my brother of saying, i don't want to make black people's lives better by giving them someone else's money. >> i do remember that. we have a clip of that standing by. >> i don't want to make black people's lives better by giving them somebody else's money. >> that seems like he said that, right? >> as my brother explained, he didn't say black people, jimmy. he said blah people. >> not black people? >> no, of course not. >> okay. >> my brother loves black people. we both do. they're beautiful. their raw athleticism, the

muscles, they stride nude to the locker room on the way to the shower. beads of water cascading down their chests and down in their most private, shiny areas. it's another example of media distortion. >> i'm pretty sure he said black people. i'm positive of that. >> that is bull [ bleep ]. ball sweat. >> now, brent, that's -- [cheers and applause ] >> that's the sort of thing that got your brother in trouble. >> jimmy, i'm going to apologize to you, your viewers, my wife watching at home, and to jesus. on behalf of all of us, apology accepted. >> to make it up to you all, here's a song i write for my brother, a campaign song. >> i didn't know you were a singer. ♪ rick santorum, you can't

ignore him ♪ he's seven sent for president ♪ don't vote for mitt ♪ he full of [ bleep ] here you go, orphans. >> thank you. we got a good show you for you tonight. we have music from shinedown tonight. steven seagal is with us and zooey deschanel, so stick around. ♪ [ man ] get the 20 piece mcnuggets. what? that lovely girl, caught your eye?

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>> jimmy: tonight on the program, the creator, writer, producer and star of the new show "true justice." it premieres this friday on the reelz channel. the very dangerous steven seagal is here. [ applause ] and then with music from this album -- it comes out tomorrow. it's called "amaryllis." shinedown from the bud light outdoor stage. shinedown begins their tour of the united states tomorrow at the city national grove of anaheim. tomorrow night we'll be joined by ashton kutcher and justin bieber -- together. this could make twitter explode. i don't know if they've been in the same room together like this for a while. we'll also have the first eliminee from "dancing with the stars" and music from the all-american rejects. not only is our first guest an actress who sings, she's also a singer who acts, and puts both talents on display on her big hit show, "new girl." you can watch it tuesdays at 9:00 on fox. please say hello to zooey deschanel.

[ applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> good, how are you? >> it's good to see you. >> it's rare that we have two guests with as much in common as we do tonight with you and steven seagal. >> i know. i'm excited to talk to him. >> jimmy: both experts in the martial arts. >> it's crazy. >> jimmy: you just finished taping your first season? >> yeah, we just rapped on friday. we have many more to air, so it's still airing tuesday nights. [ applause ] but, yeah, we just finished shooting. we were shooting in the desert with a coyote. so we went out with a bang. >> jimmy: and unlike a lot of shows, you have been picked up

for your second season, so you don't have to sit around and wait. >> we're sill actually waiting. >> jimmy: really? i thought it was guaranteed. >> it was reported that it was picked up. i don't know they picked up any shows yet. >> jimmy: i tweeted a trivia question today because i started thinking about it, you and your sister emily, on the show bones on fox. i was wondering if siblings had been on the same major network, not talking about the kardashians. >> the kardashians have a lot of shows. >> yeah. they mix and match those things. >> jimmy: yeah, i think you're right on that. but here's what i got back from the people on twitter. jason and justine baitman were on silver spoons and family ties on nbc. ron and clint howard were on the andy griffin show on cbs at the same time.

kirk and kandas cameron were on growing pains and full house. but you and your sister are the only sisters on network television simultaneously. no, tracy and missy gold were on growing pains and benson. >> here's a question. has anybody had a drama and a comedy? >> jimmy: now we're splitting hairs. >> we want in the guinness book. >> jimmy: well, let's see. no, benson was not a drama. benson was a comedy. you are in the guinness book, congratulations. [ applause ] >> i don't think that guarantees my spot. >> being on the same network, do you see each other? >> yeah, we shoot on the same lot. so il stop by her trailer. she has a baby. his name is henry. he's six months, years old. >> months, years? >> he's like, you make a big deal out of each month. it's like a year when they're

that age. >> jimmy: so he's in first grade now. are you fond of little henry? >> so fond. >> jimmy: are you going to be a fun aunt? >> i plan on it. right now he gets excited when he sees anything that moves. so i'm really fun because i move. >> jimmy: so henry's in the trailer a lot? >> he's with my sister all the time. >> jimmy: that's nice. >> so we get to hang out. >> jimmy: do you hang out there a lot? >> whenever i can. i'm working all the time and so is she. so if i have a break that's long enough. >> jimmy: is that how you explained it to the baby? >> yeah. if i have a brake that's long enough. >> i think emily told us a weird story about growing up, she terrorized you? >> she humiliated me in front of millions of people. she was from neptune.

four years old, is a vulnerable amount of years. when i was like three, she's seven, already -- >> jimmy: evil. >> evil. and yeah, she used the plot of invasion of the body snatchers to terrify me. in a very over the top performance. >> jimmy: she had been replaced by aliens? >> yes. the aliens, the neptunians had killed my real story and replaced her with a facsimile who looked just like her, talked just like her, but when my parents were in the room, made crazy faces at me. talked like vicky from small wonder. >> jimmy: and this was scary? >> i was terrified. >> jimmy: really at all times? >> she would make me cry. then my dad would come in and

try to mediate. and then she would laugh. >> jimmy: that's how it goes. >> yeah. >> jimmy: something weird happened because our producers were going through your twitter account, and they mentioned that you mentioned a ghost meter on twitter. maybe this is how it got in my head because i follow you on twitter, i think it was one of those -- >> i follow you too. >> jimmy: thank you. it was one of those recommended purchases. like for me it's all cook books and olive oil and balloons with propellers attached to them. >> i get really weird stuff recommended. i got a ghost meter. >> jimmy: as soon as that was mentioned to me, i had a ghost meter in my hand, that i bought and got this weekend from amazon, where i buy everything. >> i buy all my bulk food items

on amazon. >> jimmy: i'll order ketchup from amazon. >> i order almond milk. >> jimmy: i'd be careful with milk in the mail. >> it's not real milk. i want to see this because i wasn't going to buy it. >> jimmy: why would you not buy a ghost meter? you can look at that. i'll get the directions and we'll see if there are any ghosts in the building. >> oh, my god! you are a ghost. >> this should be easy to figure out. >> you're not a ghost. >> jimmy: is it doing anything? is it metering? >> there are a lot of ghosts like right there, yeah. >> jimmy: in that area? they look like regular people. that's weird. >> oh, my god. i'm the ghost. >> jimmy: let's take a break, we'll scour the studio for

ghosts. zooey deschanel is here. her show is called "new girl." we'll be right back. >> dicky: download music from tonight's artists on itunes. we're testing new degree, the only antiperspirant activated directly by movement. activating protection, bear! it releases bursts of protection as you move feeling fresh and dry bear! the more you move, the more it works [ roars ] oh, no! [ screaming ] new long lasting degree with motionsense. help me! keep running! but i just never-- i've always felt there should have been more. it was like a "what if"-- like we got money back, help me! [ announcer ] at h&r block, we guarantee you won't leave money on the table. don't risk your refund. call 1-800-hrblock or visit hrblock.com... and never settle for less.

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>> how did it go with fancy man? >> it was an amazing first date, except for one awkward part at the end.

>> i don't go on dates for often. guys my age just want to skip the date and the go right for the gold, which i don't give them, because i'm stingy with my gold, unless they dig for it. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that is zooey deschanel in "new girl." you're not going to be the new girl next season when you come back. >> it will be old girl. >> jimmy: relatively old girl. >> pretty new. newish. >> jimmy: now, that's a hard job being in an hour show and being the star of the show? >> it's a half hour. we shoot it like a movie, so it's all kinds of hours. >> jimmy: you have part two of the fancy pants show, which -- >> fancy man. >> jimmy: i'm sorry. i have everything wrong. i'm like an 80-year-old man. >> okay. >> jimmy: i apologize. >> it's okay. i don't care. >> jimmy: but it's very funny.

you have some funny co-workers on the show also. >> oh, my god, it's fun all the time. >> jimmy: who's the guy on the show, i don't know the name of the actor, but he's kind of efem nit on the show. >> max green field. he played sh mitt. they're all so funny i'm constantly in stitches. >> jimmy: your parents were both in showbusiness? >> yes. >> jimmy: your mom office twin peaks? >> yes. and my dad directed a bunch of episodes of that. so they were both working on it when i was a wee child. so i would go to visit the set, but i was only allowed to watch some of the episodes because it's, you know, not appropriate for children. but that's the type of show that's extremely addictive, if you know that show, it's really, like, you have to watch.

it's like a soap opera. so i remember, i would sneak -- i would try to sneak and watch the episodes i wasn't allowed to watch. >> jimmy: well, when you have a sister from neptune, you could do that kind of thing. >> yeah. >>. >> jimmy: seems like zoe started coming in droves seven years ago. >> yes, they did. i created them. [ laughter ] they're my children. >> jimmy: you can catch her tuesdays at 9:00. zooey deschanel, everybody! mr. parker! sir... excuse me, excuse me... can i get you to sign off on the johnson case... ♪ we built this city!

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>> dicky: this week on jimmy kimmel live, justin bieber, ashton kutcher, carson daly, kevin durant, and the first cast-off from "dancing with the stars." plus music from the all american reject, white rab skpits esperansa spalding. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series, sponsored by bud light.

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>> jimmy: our next guest is one part thespian, one part ninja, and three parts deadly jungle cat. starting friday, he turns his talents to tv in the new series "true justice." watch it fridays at 9:00 on reelzchannel. please say hello to steven seagal. [ applause ]

>> jimmy:. >> we got a flying v up there. >> jimmy: because you lived in japan for quite a while. >>. [ speaks japanese ] >> jimmy: what's he saying? what are you saying? >> i give a 1950 karina flying z. >> jimmy: how long did you live in japan? >> oh, man, probably 18 years. >> jimmy: what age did you move there? >> went there when i was probably 16, 17, something like that. >> jimmy: why did you go there that young? >> i wanted to learn martial arts, healing -- >> jimmy: like most teenagers? >> that's funny. then again, we are with the funny man himself. >> jimmy: and did you really like study, or were you there

just having a good time? >> let me tell you something, i studied. >> jimmy: you did. >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: did they accept you as an american? >> no. back in those days, they were a zeeno phobic country. when you get into martial arts dojo, what you deal with, that kind of thing, boy, you were not welcome unless you kick everybody's ass and even then you're not welcome. you have to really prove yourself. >> jimmy: even then you weren't welcome after you established yourself there? >> i mean, it took time. it took time. >> jimmy: how did they make you feel unwelcome? >> when i was there, their main mission, some of them, was to make the training so hard and violent and difficult and the fighting, that i would give up and leave. i was the first non-japanese in the history of japan to open up

my own dojo there, and that was also quite an insult to some of the japanese. >> jimmy: really? wow. >> yes, sir. for about two years or so, there were many people that came and you know, tried to do what we called doj ag witty. that means they want to come and make sure you can't teach anymore. >> jimmy: by what? taking your chalk and stuff? >> they take your chalk and your eraser. and if you're really unlucky, they get a hold of the pointer. >> jimmy: you kont work without that. did anyone try to kill you? >> when they come, they're not coming to play tidly winks. >> jimmy: really? and you had to fight them? >> for real. >> jimmy: so then we're not using self-defense for self-defense. they're using it for self-offense, which i find offensive, to be honest. >> some of them folks had that

kind of belief, that no foreigner has the right to be teaching the japanese. >> jimmy: when did you decide it's time for me to leave? i'm going back to the united states or wherever you went from there. >> i don't know exactly when that was, but probably around 1984. >> jimmy: and you have what degree as far as black belts go? >> i'm a seventh degree black belt. >> jimmy: are there eighth degree black belts? >> very, very few. in fact, i will probably be an eighth degree black belt someday. >> jimmy: do i hear nine? >>. >> the founder is dead and nobody alive could give me a 90th that i could think of. >> jimmy: so you're still studying to get the eighth? >> i still practice and teach all the time. >> jimmy: who would teach you? because you're teaching some guys in ufc now. who are you teaching? >> i'm teaching anderson silva.

[ applause ] matchita. >> jimmy: what fuels these guys? >> i show them a lot, not everything i know, but i show them punches and how you move with your feet, how you enter, hand angles, joint stuff. but mostly kicks and punches. >> jimmy: kicks and punches? >> right. >> jimmy: is there a signature kick that you teach them that they can use? >> there is a signature kick that i've taught them that they've knocked the champions out with in won world championships with. >> jimmy: what part of the body do you kick? >> i'm asking them to kick to the face and the head with that kick. >> jimmy: to the face and the head? [ laughter ] that will hurt. >> i don't think it hurts because you're asleep. it will hurt when you wake up. >> jimmy: now, this new show,

are you still actively with the sheriff's department? >> i'm a deputy chief with joe arpile, who is a great man. >> jimmy: the crazy guy from arizona. >> he's not zcrazy. he's a great man. >> jimmy: so you work with him directly? >> i work with him and we work on the border. it's a big problem with the cartels on the border. so it's a real big issue that has to be addressed. >> jimmy: when these guys see you, you're known around the world, they must g hey, it's steven seagal? >> first of all, they say it in spanish because they're cartel guys. >> jimmy: holea, it's steven seagal. [ laughter ] >> we're usually on the border at night and we try not to get seen. >> jimmy: and this new show is not a reality show. this is a scripted television show. >> it is. >> jimmy: based on really

stories? >> i tried to write it based on things that have happened to me and friends of mine. it's with reelz at 9:00 friday night. stanley hubbard is a visionary guy. i'm proud to be working with him. >> jimmy: i'm told the first episode takes place in a strip club? >> no. that was after hours. >> jimmy: oh, i see. >> somebody got that on film. >> jimmy: there are hidden cameras everywhere. you can't be too careful. well, i look forward to seeing it. it's great to have you here. and there are 10,000 questions i could ask you, but we're out of time. how about we just go out and beat some people up? [ applause ] we'll be right back with shinedown. [ older brother ] hey, that's the last crescent.

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>> jimmy: this is their new album. it's called "amaryllis." here with the song, "bully," shinedown. ♪

♪ hey hey hey ♪ ♪ it's 8:00 a.m. and the hell i'm in seems i've crossed the line again ♪ ♪ for being nothing more than who i am ♪ ♪ so break my bones throw your stones we all know that life ain't fair ♪ ♪ but there's more of us we're everywhere ♪ ♪ we don't have to take this back against the wall we don't have to take this we can end it all ♪ ♪ all you'll ever be is the fading memory of a bully ♪ ♪ make another joke while they hang another rope so lonely ♪ ♪ push them to the dirt till the words don't hurt can you hear me ♪ ♪ no one's gonna cry on the very day you die you're a bully ♪

♪ hey hey ♪ ♪ think it through you can't undo whenever i see black and blue ♪ ♪ i feel the past i share the bruise with every one who's come and gone ♪ ♪ my head is clear my voice is strong i'm right here to right the wrong ♪ ♪ we don't have to take this back against the wall we don't have to take this we can end it all ♪ ♪ all you'll ever be is the fading memory of a bully ♪ ♪ make another joke while they hang another rope so lonely ♪ ♪ push them to the dirt till the words don't hurt can you hear me ♪

no one's gonna cry on the very day you die you're a bully ♪ ♪ ♪ it's 8:00 a.m. the hell i'm in your voice is strong now right the wrong ♪ ♪ all you'll ever be is the fading memory of a bully ♪ ♪ make another joke while they hang another rope so lonely ♪ ♪ push them to the dirt till the words don't hurt can you hear me ♪