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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  April 24, 2012 12:00am-1:05am PDT

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>> thank you for watching "nightline." happy anniversary to robin roberts. >> jimmy: eleven secret service agents were identified. a 12th has been identified. one more and they have a hooker's dozen. >> it's justly just got married or something. >> dicky: the national scrabble champs. >> acute. i challenge that. >> jimmy: you have no idea what goes on in this head.
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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, julia louis-dreyfus, national school scrabble champs, and music from the hives, with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i appreciate that.
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thank you for joining us. it's a pleasure to have you here. am i the only one wearing a suit? how embarrassing. hope you had a good earth day. it was yesterday. i forgot it too. it's so hard to shop for the earth. i wound up getting it a neck pillow. turns out it has no neck. so what are you gonna do? it's the 42nd annual earth day, it started back in 1970. they estimate a billion people participated in earth day activities yesterday. today we all went right back to driving our suvs to the gym. they say we better start taking care of the planet now or it might not be here for our children. if it isn't here for our children, they'll all get to be astronauts, which would be awesome. for the record i'm against global warming, so i'm also
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against doing anything about it. so there's my dilemma. >> a dutch electronics company released a revolutionary new light bulb, designed to last 20 years. the technology is amazing. it has some sort of a thing in it that makes it last longer than other light bulbs. i'm not a scientist. do you think the guy who thought of it, he had a light bulb go on over his head? [cheers and applause ] one problem is, it's expensive, costs around $50, which that should give dads all over the world even more reason to yell at their kids for leaving the lights on. a $50 light bulb, reminds me of a joke. how many people does it take to screw in a $50 light bulb? >> guillermo: jimmy, i know the answer. >> jimmy: all right.
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what is it? >> guillermo: it takes no people, for $50, the light bulb screws you. [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: to be honest, i was on the fence about doing that one myself. outsourced. do you have any secret service jokes for us? >> guillermo: no. nothing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how many of them does it take to screw a light bulb in? and would they pay the full $50? i don't know. details about the colombian prostitutes are continuing to emerge. a number of secret service agents are being afthr investigated for misconduct or as they call it in colombia, conduct. initially 11 secret service agents were subject to investigation. now a 12th has been identified. one more and they have a
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hooker's dozen. agent number 12 may have entertained a lady of the night at the hilton hotel where the president was going to be staying. i think this is the first time hilton and sex scandal have been used in a sentence without the word paris in it in a really long time. six agents have lost their job. one has been cleared. five are on leave. it all came up when a prostitute argued over how much she should be paid. she said she wanted $800 and the hotel reception called her at 6:30 in the morning to remind hershey needed to leave by seven kalashnikov. that's -- 7:00. you know you're staying at a great hotel when they kick the hookers out. so she refused to leave and the police showed up. that's where she made a mistake. if you have a problem with the secret service, you have to call
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secret customer service. if you don't get the answer you want, you can take it up to secret santa, if you have to. but america loves hookers and we've been all over this one. this is from cbs this morning where senior white house correspondent bill plant unwittingly provided us with our unintentional joke of the day. >> this morning there's word of another agent who has taken a prostitute to a sensitive location. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: where are they going? the nba playoffs are almost here. lakers won over thunder last night. [cheers and applause ] as you probably know, they have a player named metta world peace. his name used to be ron artest, but he changed it to spread his message of pass vimp around the planet. unfortunately world peace came
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to an end yesterday when metta was ejected from the game after delivering an elbow to the head of thunder guard james harden right after a dunk. for some reason, he pounds his chest and then clears him out. world peace with the elbow to the head. [ laughter ] maybe world peace was too lofty a goal. maybe it should have been metta recycle your aluminum cans or something. i'm not sure why that happened. i'm not sure why james harden has his hair cut like mr. t. on the a team they had to knock him out to get him on a plane. harden was diagnosed with a count concussion. >> are you going to retaliate? >> on the bright side, he's the
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new mr. peanut. this is from the local nbc news in myrtle beach. oh, you're from -- or you just like local news? you'll enjoy this. they had a story about, i guess there's a lot of crime in the area that's driven some of the residents to los angeles. and, well, watch what happens. >> county solicitors are cracking down on crime from shop ifters to gang related murder. prosecutors say you're going to see a big effort to get criminals off the street. she's breaking it all down for us. >> here in ocean blffed, you can see some of the hardest hit -- hey! [cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: that tup ak high school -- hollow gram is everywhere. in this case they were able to track the guy down and arrest him. >> if you watched it happen, you were probably wondering what happened. ashley taylor joinds us live and tells us what it's like to become the subject of your very own story. >> well, this scene is similar to ocean boulevard. about 24 hours ago, this is exactly where i was standing about to bring you my live report when a man nearby shoved me out of the way. [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have something fun planned for tonight. every year we invite the winners
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of the national school scrabble championships onto the show so they can meet and defeat them. all part of my don't let kids get a big head pram. tonight's competition is extra special because it's a rematch. the kids i'm playing tonight won the title in the fifth grade. now they're in the eighth grade and they won it again, the first team ever to win it twice. they're here with us now. please say hello to andy hoang and erik salgado. well, well, well, we meet again. do you remember the last time we met? >> unfortunately. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: just to refresh everyone's memory, here's how it ended back in 2009 when my scrabble partner by the way was little kim. >> that's an o and m. go ahead and add those up. if we get 18 more points, we win
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this. >> 23, 25. >> jimmy: that's pretty much it, isn't it? the new scrabble champions. [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i won. i think i won by a lot. do you remember the final score? >> no. >> no. >> jimmy: i believe it was 157-81. do you think you can beat me this time around? >> definitely. >> jimmy: what was the word you guys won with this year? >> we went with the word give net. >> jimmy: that's a baby word. i know that word. sit tight and in just a few minutes we'll have a rematch. this will be exciting. close the curtains on them. when it comes to scrabble, i show no mercy. you have no idea what goes on in this crazy head.
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this is pretty great from a high school in new zealand. apparently they have high schools in new zealand. the school had a fashion show. one of the future lady gagas who participated decided to draw inspiration from the book the cat in the hat. ♪ [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: is there a dr seuss in the house? what did they think was going to happen? here's what some might call a cautionary tale.
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it took place at a restaurant in las vegas called the heart attack grill. the idea there is they serve brazenly unhealthy food. they have a quadruple bypass burger. the staff dresses like nurses and doctors. even the customers wear hospital gowns to the restaurant. now, this weekend for the second time this year, there was what appeared to be a heart attack at the heart attack grill. that woman was eating a double bipass burger, drinking a margarita, and smoking. apparently people clap for heart attacks now. fortunately there was a cpr friday's right next door. my favorite thing is you're surrounded by people dressed like doctors and nurses but none of them has any medical experience. i'd like to see the looks on the faces of the paramedics who show up. if you have a heart attack at the heart attack grill, don't be
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mad if people laugh, because they're going to. >> a new movie opened this weekend, called chimpanzee it follows a baby chimp named oscar around west africa. it made $10.8 million, the biggest opening for a nature documentary ever. i can see why it did well because i watched the trailer and it really is one of the cutest things i've ever seen. ♪ >> narrator: meet oscar. he's curious. he's playful. watch him grow up. to be an [ bleep ] from disney nature, the incredible true story of the biggest jerk in the junkel.
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chimpanzee, he doesn't give a [ bleep ] [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we've got a good show for you tonight. the national school scrabble champions are here, 8th graders andy hoang and erik salgado. we have music tonight from the hives and we'll be right back with the vice president of the united states, julia louis-dreyfus, so stick around. ♪ [ male announcer ] there's always something new on applebee's 2 for $20 menu.
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[cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the program, a word battle with the first-ever, two-time national school scrabble champions. when they won three years ago, i beat them, but they were in the 5th grade. now they're 8th graders. their names are andy hoang and erik salgado, and they are here tonight to taste defeat again. are they still sitting in the dark behind that curtain? i don't want to see their faces. get them out of my sight.
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a little psychological warfare. and then music from what i believe the best swedish punk rock band we've had on the show. this is their album. it comes out june 5th, called "lex hives." the hives from the bud light outdoor stage. tomorrow night we'll be joined by john cusack, the latest castoff from "dancing with the stars," and have music from vintage trouble. and later this week, emily blunt, dave salmoni and his unusual animals, and music from both lp and adam lambert. so join us for those. our first guest is a golden globe and emmy-winning actress. you know and love her from many beloved television shows, and she continues that streak as lady biden in the new show, "veep." watch it sunday nights at 10:00 on hbo. please give say hello to julia louis-dreyfus! [cheers and applause ]
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♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm so good. >> jimmy: thank you for coming. >> my pleasure to be here. you look great. look at you with your hair and everything. >> jimmy: yeah, i cut it. >> it looks good, man. >> jimmy: thank you. i try to look less like a vampire. >> you don't look like a vampire. >> jimmy: how are your sons? how are they doing? >> they are great. >> jimmy: i got to meet them. >> you did. this man, you're like an angel. >> jimmy: not really. >> you're not like an angel at all, but you did the most incredible thing i and need to tell the audience exactly what happened. i was on your show a couple years ago, and we were talking about the fact that my son who was a senior, wanted to do a prank at his school. he had this idea that i should come on here and ask you if you would please get matt damon to come to his school and, then
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he'd get his friend zach to get into a fight with matt damon. does that make sense anybody? no, right? terrible idea. you thought it was a good idea? >> jimmy: except for the part that nobody wants to see matt damon and nobody's interested in matt damon. [ laughter ] >> but you said to me, on the commercial break. if you ever wanted me to do anything, really, is that really true. okay cut to end of senior year and the parents at our school are supposed to put on for the kids a night that they don't know anything about. they go to the movies and bowling, bumper cars. it's all a surprise. so i called my friend jimmy kimmel and you very kindly agreed to be a part of this prank that none of the kids knew about. so we have the l.a. groundlings come to an auditorium in the library to put on a show for the kids. and that was great. they were fantastic.
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they were hilarious. at one point, one of the groundlings puts on a bare costume. then he says, the next sketch is with a bear, but my friend has to go offstage and get the head on. and then when we comes back, we'll pull people up and he's going to interview them. so we set up a desk kind of like him with a little thing that said mr. bare on it. and he goes off stage and comes out with his bear head, but who's inside the bear costume? >> jimmy: i was in the bear costume. [ applause ] >> and we rigged it so that the first thing you would pull out of the thing was my son's name, who came onstage, sits down. you said something like, have you ever wrestled a bear? and you attacked him. >> jimmy: i attacked him. that's what bears do. >> this is all true. [cheers and applause ]
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>> and so you guys were wrestling around in the middle of -- and by the way, it was pretty intense. i didn't appreciate that part of it. >> jimmy: i was completely blind. i couldn't see what was going on. i was in, as you know, a bear costume. >> and then what happened was, you pulled your head off and there you are. and my son henry looks at you and he went -- and everyone screamed because of course you're a god. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> and then you very kindly stayed and kept calling up kids and interviewing all of these kids. it was the most spectacular thing. it was the best night of their life. >> jimmy: i was impressed you did this for your son, because i'm trying to think of anything even close to that that my parents did for me. really lightning all i can think of my mother was on time to pick me up from junior high school. [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i think that's the closest we got to it. >> and look, seriously, this is
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such a good night. i just started tweeting. this is the second thing i ever tweeted. >> jimmy: on your twitter account. that was the bear. >> i think it looks like we just got married or something. that was a great night. >> jimmy: that actually was fun and the kids were very nice. what are they doing now? are they in prison? >> yes. both of my children are in prison. >> jimmy: your son went off to college? >> went off to college, and we're devastated, but whatever. >> jimmy: i watched the first two episodes of your show, veep, and it's hilarious. [cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: i think it was to be expected. your supporting cast is fantastic too. >> is that a great supporting cast? crazy funny group. >> jimmy: and kind of believable in a way. i don't know what goes on with the vice president, but just the fact that you got an assistant
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there telling you everything about every person who's about to come up. >> that's tony hill from arrested development. >> jimmy: he's great on that show. >> thanks so much. >> jimmy: i heard you spoke to some real vice presidents about the show. >> yeah, i did. i spoke to some vice presidents. because, you know, i wanted to know, i wanted to talk to them not so much about policy and so on, but really just b what's it really like? you know, i mean, seriously, what really is it like? just to get some nitty gritty stuff. to get a feel for it. and i don't really want to say who they were or anything -- although al gore, sort of outed me and said that we had spoken, but we got to do so many things when we were there in baltimore and washington shooting the show. in fact, we got to take a fun tour of the senate. >> jimmy: oh.
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>> one of two consultational duties is to provide over the senate. so there's an office for the vice president in the senate. they have to go into the office. get a load of this. the desk for the vice president in the senate building is the desk that belonged to nixon in the oval office during watergate. so if you get on your hands and knees underneath the desk and look up like that, you can see the holes where the tape recorders were screwed in. i am not kidding about that. >> jimmy: really? >> it's incredible. i think it's astounding that they use it still. >> jimmy: and that the vice president gets a hand me down desk. like that happens. >> yeah, i know. and then there's books of course all around president first book that catches my eye is this book, the title of which is, road to disappointment, the history of the vice presidency. [ laughter ]
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somebody wrote that book. >> jimmy: that does seem to be the overall theme. when we come back, we'll show a clip of the show. will you help me with the scrabble kids, by the way? think about it. we'll have more with julia louis-dreyfus when we come back. ♪ pull on those gardening gloves. and let's see how colorful an afternoon can be. with certified advice to help us expand our palette... ...and prices that give us more spring per dollar... ...we can mix the right soil with the right ideas. ...and bring even more color to any garden. more saving. more doing. that's the power of the home depot. it's grow time. get one-quart perennials, four for just $10.
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. >> dicky: this week on "jimmy kimmel live!" john cusack, emily blunt, dave salmoni, and the latest cast-off from "dancing with the stars," plus music from vintage trouble, lp, and adam lambert. hone and it's exactly the same as everyone else's, i'm expressing myself as an individual. i have that phone.
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>> you can't go back in there. >> what! you tell that pleep bleep president that i have [ bleep ]. i won't listen to you for one second. >> please be quiet. the president is experiencing severe chest pains. we just got word from south africa, you need to get to the west wing immediately. >> oh, so sorry.
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that's from her new show "veep." >> jimmy: it's like you're sitting around waiting for the president to die. have you had any reaction from washington insiders on this? >> when we did the premiere in d.c. and i was talking to somebody who works at "time" magazine. told me the most extraordinary story, chi think maybe people will get a kick out of. remember in seinfeld, the rivalry between neuman and jerry? [cheers and applause ] >> yeah, neuman would come in and jerry would go hello neuman and he would go hello, jerry. okay, so, couple years back -- >> jimmy: i did that to neuman in the supermarket once. i couldn't resist. i said i'm sorry in advance, but -- yeah, and i did. >> and so that there was this
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"time" magazine party and carl roll was there, who is a right wing republican and john kerry came walking in at that time. he looked to carl and carl looked at him. they locked eyes. john goes, hello carl. and he goes hello kerry. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: comedy bringing us together. let's talk business here. are you a scrabble player? >> yeah, but i'm not sure i have the intensity that i can see in your face right now. >> jimmy: no one has the intensity for something like this. >> right. >> jimmy: it's difficult because i have to run the show and concentrate on coming up with the words at the same time. >> i wish that my husband was here, because he's an incredible scrabble player. >> jimmy: i wish that he was here too. [ laughter ] >> because once we were playing and he made family history because he used up all seven of
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his letters exchecker and he got something like -- if you use all seven letters, it's 150 points. >> jimmy: that's more than seven letters. >> so anyway it's family lure for us. >> jimmy: hopefully you'll be able to rise to the occasion. as we have two young boys -- are you guys back there? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> look what i got. a tiny little -- can they hear what i'm saying? >> jimmy: can you guys hear what we're saying? >> yeah. >> i made a tiny little list of words that don't seem like words but they're real words. >> jimmy: we're going to have to get lucky to get those letters. >> listen, you're with me. i'm lady luck. >> jimmy: watch her show. it's called "veep," sundays on
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hbo. we'll be right back to do battle with the scrabble kids. unholy beast. the one with the red markings. the miracle whip? stand aside that we may burn it. [ indistinct shouting ] have you ever tried it? it's actually quite sweet... and tangy. ♪ i like sweet things. [ man ] shut up, henry. ♪ you're probably muddling through allergies. try zyrtec® for powerful allergy relief. and zyrtec® is different than claritin® because it starts working faster on the first day you take it. zyrtec®. love the air. challenge that. olay smooth finish facial hair removal duo. first a gentle balm then the removal cream. effective together with less irritation and as gentle as a feather. olay hair removal duo.
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>> jimmy: hello, we're back with my partner, julia louis-dreyfus. [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ten days ago in orlando, our next guests were crowned the first-ever, two-time winners of the national school scrabble championship. and tonight they will become the first-ever, two-time losers of the jimmy kimmel live scrabble championship. from cary, north carolina, please welcome 8th grade word wizards andy hoang and erik salgado. also tonight serving as our judge, john d. williams. hello, john. >> hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: guillermo, you're the sack holder, i guess. >> guillermo: yes. >> jimmy: what are you guys laughing at? you don't know what that means.
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>> that's supposed to be my job. >> jimmy: are you familiar with julia and her work? have you seen seinfeld? >> i've heard of it. >> jimmy: okay. >> just sit back, you're about to get your ass what's happened. [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's happened before, hasn't it? go ahead and why don't you take a tile out of that, and we'll see who will lay our tiles down first. julia, if you would be so kind to draw a tile for us. >> i would. >> jimmy: what did you guys get? >> a t. >> we got an s. >> jimmy: shake it up. you know how to do it, right? >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: julia, draw seven tiles. >> am i doing this?
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>> jimmy: i'll put them down. we need three more. >> my god, i'm terrified. i really am. i'm not kidding. >> jimmy: nothing to worry about. you're in good hands. >> what do you think about that one? >> oh, my god. should we quit? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that might be an extreme reaction. >> no, it's not extreme. >> jimmy: let's see. what if we -- why don't we do this right there? >> what the hell is that? what is that? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's throw it down and see what happens. all right, kids, there's our first word. >> challenge. >> jimmy: you challenge it? >> yeah, we do. >> it doesn't look like a word. >> jimmy: you're going to
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challenge it? john is checking. and we'll have your interpretation of the scrabble law as it may be. >> jimmy: he's looking at the scrabble dictionary. >> the word is unacceptable. the play comes off the board. >> jimmy: boo! boo! [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i can't believe you would cheat like that on television. >> this is a nightmare. >> jimmy: yeah, okay. i was hoping to pull one over on the kids. >> it didn't work. >> jimmy: yeah. oh, look, they're whispering to each other. i wonder what they're thinking. why can't they play video games like normal kids? >> oh, acute! i challenge that. [ laughter ] >> one, four, five, six, eight, times two because of the double
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word score. 16 points for acute. >> jimmy: how cute that is. [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we got to decide here if we're gonna -- let's do this. what do you say? because we don't have a whole lot going on here. what do you think of this? >> yeah. [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: give us some tiles. >> you pick because i got bad tiles last time. i'm feeling supersticious. this say special episode of your show, isn't it? >> jimmy: we can use that. we can use that. we can use that. >> definitely. >> jimmy: that's a shame. they're going to change six
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tiles. >> jimmy: what do we have here? you guys exchanged. so we can go. all right. we will go with zestier. [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: is there a problem? >> 32. >> jimmy: you believe it's 32. you challenged john and his authority. >> you asked me -- kngets we give them a time-out? >> come on, come on, come on!
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♪ >> one, two, 26 for lex. [cheers and applause ] >> that is correct. the score is tied. >> jimmy: this is exciting. 42 apiece. all right. now we have this word. >> which is not going to work anywhere. oh, yes, it is. oh e no, it's not. oh, yes, it is. >> jimmy: let's see, we could do -- >> here. >> jimmy: we could do something else. >> do you not agree with that? >> jimmy: well, i'm just looking at all possibilities here. because i know what these characters will do. here's what we're going to do. go with me on this.
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>> you are a genius. >> are we getting a double word on this? >> jimmy: you want to add that up, john? try to do it right. >> you do it. >> jimmy: maybe they could do it faster. >> i'm sure they already got it. >> jimmy: what is it, guys? >> 32 points. [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i need two more. >> boy, i dig this board, by the way. >> jimmy: isn't it great? >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay, all right. wow. let's see. we have that. we got this. okay. we could go -- oh, they're going
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on the triple there. og ler, that's what they do to girls! [ laughter ] >> i have a question. do we get triple if we join into the r down there? >> jimmy: no, not unless we go up to that one. >> one, five, six, seven eight, times three is 24. >> jimmy: okay, 24. what's the score right now? >> the score is 74 for you guys and 56 for them. >> jimmy: okay, we're ahead. [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: okay. why don't we go real simple? >> where? >> jimmy: yeah, and go like that. >> that's hilarious. >> 16 points. >> jimmy: 16 points, we'll take it. >> we believe you have 18 points. >> jimmy: you're right.
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see, there's honesty. you know what, that is nice. >> you pick the next two. >> jimmy: we're on it there. this job is worthless over here, right? what's the score right now? >> 92-66. >> jimmy: this may give them the win here. let's have a look. and does that do it? does that take you over a hundred? what do you got there? we got, one, four, seven, ten, 11, 21, 25, 28. >> jimmy: i think that does. what do they have there? you got 94. [cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i have terrible news for you. you know what, in fairness, i think we're just going to call
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it a tie. right? [cheers and applause ] congratulations, fellows! well played. we have to thank you, john. and you know what, we got you some nice ipads to take home. [cheers and applause ] andy and eric, everybody. thank you to julia louis-dreyfus. we'll be right back with the hives.dadadadadadadadadadadadada
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♪ [ typing ] ♪ ♪ [ camera shutter clicks ] ♪ gets her every time. [ male announcer ] it's hard to resist the craveable nature
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of the salty peanuts, dark chocolate, and smooth peanut butter in nature valley sweet & salty nut bars. irresistible. by nature valley. >> jimmy: this is their upcoming album. this is their song called go right ahead, the hives! ♪ ♪ go right ahead go right ahead ♪ go right ahead go right ahead go right ahead go right ahead ♪
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♪ go-go-go-go roam the streets in a uniform ♪ ♪ find a bull and you grab the horns scream your head off like the day you was born ♪ ♪ ain't nobody ain't nobody ain't nobody ♪ ♪ go right ahead go right ahead go right ahead go right ahead ♪ ♪ go-go-go-go here's a secret keep it tight it's california ♪ ♪ late at night we're gonna drink fuss and fight all night and go right a ♪ ♪ and go right ahead and go right ahead ♪ is it right or wrong you never know it so just come along i'm gonna show it ♪ ♪ our god is a zilla our king is a kong the room's about to crumble as i burst into song ♪ ♪ go right ahead
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go right ahead go right ahead you gotta go from a to z ♪ ♪ from when you're born until you're dead go right ahead go right ahead ♪ ♪ go-go-go-go like a tiger breaking out of the zoo ♪ ♪ do anything that you wanna do the rumors you heard they were all true ♪ ♪ and go right ahead and go right ahead and go right ahead ♪ is it right or wrong you never know it so just come along i'm gonna show it ♪ ♪ our god is a zilla our king is a kong the room's about to crumble as i burst into song ♪ ♪ go right ahead go right ahead go right ahead go right ahead ♪

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