we hope you check in for "good morning america." jimmy kimmel is up next. have a great weekend and happy >> dicky: tonight on "jimmy kimmel live" -- the kardashians. >> jimmy: you're not married, correct? >> i'm not married. >> jimmy: why don't you try it for a little while like kim did? >> dicky: adam carolla. >> jimmy: is your regular suit at the dry cleaners? >> you know i'm a big kings fan, jimmy. go kings! >> jimmy: i have the feeling if donald trump could personally witness obama being baptized by toby keith in a lake of old milwaukee and still thhththththt

>> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, the kardashians. adam carolla. and music from k'naan. with cleto and the cletones. and now, what do you know? here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: hey. are any of you kardashians? because this place is infested with them tonight. they're all over the place. kim, kourtney, khloe, and adam carolla kardashian are here. k'naan kardashian, too. and if we're good who knows? maybe they'll give us a million dollars. you know? i hope they don't clam up when they get out here. they can be very shy around cameras. [ laughter ] . tonight here in l.a. and perhaps we're the only ones excited about this, but game four of the stanley cup finals, it will be over when we're on the air, but it's going on right now while we tape. the new jersey devils on the brink of elimination at the hands of our l.a. kings. this would be the kings' first ever stanley cup. they've been around since 1967. this is pretty funny. l.a. fans in game 3 on monday night wanted to distract the devils. the devils are from new jersey. so they held up these giant snooki, situation, pauly d and jwoww heads. [ cheers and applause ] it's fun to be in back of the head. the pride of new jersey, whether

you people like it or not, right there. [ laughter ] it would be great if the kings would be able to come by and bring the stanley cup here to the show if they win it. [ cheers and applause ] wouldn't that be great, guillermo? have you ever been to a hockey game? >> no, never. >> jimmy: have you ever watched a hockey game on tv? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you did. did you like it? >> a little bit, yeah. >> jimmy: a little bit. [ laughter ] the nba finals start next week. this is great. this is a sportscaster up in portland, maine reporting on game 3 of the eastern conference playoff series between the celtics and the heat. i don't know how this made sense to her because in the history of basketball this result has never occurred before. but watch. >> the boston celtics are hosting the miami heat in boston for game 4 of the eastern conference finals. i guess the game just ended. it ended in a tie. this is what my producer is telling me. there you go. there's the score, 89-89, went down to the wire. 21 seconds left. ended in a tie.

all right. let's move on to professional baseball. >> jimmy: everyone's a winner. [ applause ] >> jimmy: all the best news stories start with the words "i guess." [ laughter ] this is an interesting new internet idea. two of the guys who created napster have unveiled something called airtime that they're calling a social video network. it allows you to video chat with your facebook friends. and it also matches you up with strangers based on your interests and location. it's basically facebook meets chat roulette meets the end of all real human interaction. [ laughter ] you remember chat roulette? it was a fun idea, chat roulette. but it was a video chat with random people but it turned out that about three out of every four people turned out to be penises. [ laughter ] guys ruin everything. but airtime has assured its users that won't be the case on their website. in fact, to make sure people have their clothes on, this is true, they're going to take

random snapshots of people while they're chatting and upload it to facebook. so in other words, america's dream of a giant corporation monitoring and taking pictures of us every few minutes during private conversations has finally come true. [ laughter ] airtime, they even came up with some software that automatically detects -- seriously -- when a penis is present. you're on the site. like this. you click talk to someone. you start talking to them. now, if that someone does decide to do this, airtime's software identifies the penis and instantly converts it into zach galifianakis, who everyone loves. [ applause ] this is good. this is from the local nbc station in philadelphia. they had a reporter outside a beyonce concert in atlantic city. there was some speculation that first lady michelle obama might show up at the concert. and keep your eye on the characters in back for tonight's edition of "behind the news."

♪ >> now, we can't officially confirm that the first lady is here, but there seems to be indications, we spotted some secret service agents and there is video out there making its way around the web of what appears to be a motorcade and police escorts. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nicely done. let me tell you something, these secret service agents are out of control. as you may have heard, the miss usa pageant went on in las vegas over the weekend. which i'm surprised, it feels -- the miss usa pageant feels very dated to me. women parading around in bikini competitions. this is two thousand -- women have evolved. we have "the bachelor" now. there's some controversy surrounding this year's pageant today. sheena monnin is the woman who won the title miss pennsylvania. she says she believes the miss usa pageant was rigged and has

resigned from her position as miss -- now who are they going to get to cut the ribbon at the opening of the new chipotle in altoona? [ laughter ] monnin claims another contestant told her she saw a list of the top five finishers before the pageant even started. on her facebook page she said, "in good conscience i can no longer be affiliated in any way with an organization that i consider to be fraudulent." fraudulent? since when are fake nails, fake teeth, fake tans, and fake boobs fraudulent? [ laughter ] the owner of the miss usa and miss universe competition is donald trump. he said he was going to sue former miss pennsylvania and called in to the "today" show this morning to weigh in on her charges of fraud. >> now to a war of words between a beauty queen and organizers of the miss usa pageant. pennsylvania's representative is turning in her crown because she claims the competition is rigged. >> donald trump is the co-owner of the miss universe organization. he's now joining us by telephone. mr. trump, good morning to you. >> good morning. >> i guess the question first straight out is is the miss usa

competition fixed, donald? >> the fact is, people hate rosie. you know, rosie is scum. she's garbage. >> well, on that note we have to leave it. donald trump, thanks for joining us. >> okay. thank you very much. >> i'm sure this is not going to be the end of that story. >> jimmy: he really is obsessed with rosie o'donnell. it's unbelievable. donald trump is in the news for another funny reason today. in an interview with website politico trump again expressed doubt about where president obama was born. i'm starting to get the feeling that donald trump could personally witness obama being baptized by toby keith in a lake of old milwaukee and still think he was from kenya. [ laughter ] but people who think obama was born in another country are commonly referred to as birthers, but trump told politico he doesn't like that word. he believes "birther" is a derogatory term created by a certain group of the media and would prefer the topic be referred to as the place of birth issue instead. which good luck getting people to say that. i don't know. the term "birther" doesn't seem

offensive to me. but you can't be sure about this stuff. people are very sensitive. so we did a little experiment out today. i sent my cousin sal out on the street to call people birthers to see if it offends them. and well, let's see if it does. >> you birthers have your coffee, huh? >> yeah. not enough. >> where are you birthers heading? >> birthers? >> we're going to meet our friends -- >> yeah. >> you're birthers, aren't you? >> birthers? >> yeah. >> like females that give birth? >> what's a birther? >> you know what a birther is. >> no, i don't. >> you're a birther, man. come on. >> no, you're a birther. i don't know what a birther is. >> you're a birther. >> if i'm a birther you're a birther. >> look at this birther baby reaching for my microphone. >> you got to be the birthiest birther i've seen on the birthing boulevard today. >> birth. >> why do you birthers carry umbrellas when it's light out? >> because i'm from the east coast, man. >> you are? >> yeah. the sun is just crazy. >> you're an east coast birther? >> yes. >> wow, i've never seen a birther with pink pants before.

what's going on? >> are your parents okay with you dating a birther? >> i don't know. something about birds. >> whoa, birther. whoa, whoa, whoa. let's talk about what you're wearing. birthers are out tonight. >> you're a birther, right? >> i don't know what a birther is. i mean, that's -- >> look it up. i'll be here if you want to come punch me. >> i will. >> all right. see you later. >> when people call you a birther, do you get angry? >> angry? no. >> you don't? >> no. >> because you are a birther, right? >> yeah. yeah. >> where did you get that shirt, birther? >> what i going to do? just work on my computer. >> work on your computer? >> yeah. i like it. and go to the mountains also. >> you're going to go to the mountains and work on your computer. >> yeah. >> look at this birther walking the dog. what's up? let's talk a second. you're a birther. >> which birther? i'm not a birther. rasta man. >> knob, you're a birther. >> [ bleep ]. >> no, i've seen a birther all day. that's you, birther dog.

>> maybe you guys are [ bleep ]. >> probably. >> have you run into any other birthers? >> no. who are the berthas? >> a birther's like a snu. >> a snu? what's a snu? >> i don't know. what's new with you? got you birthers. >> do you get offended when people call you a bertha? >> no. >> why not? >> that's my name. >> bertha, right? >> yeah. >> well, we talked to a lot of people today, and one thing's for sure. none of them know what the word birther means. oh, look who's back. >> idiot! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to say congratulations to miley cyrus. miley cyrus, she's only 19 years old, but she just got engaged to actor liam hemsworth, which -- [ applause ] i tell you. isn't that great? i would love to be at the

wedding just soik hear the minister say "do you, hannah montana, take thor's brother to be your lawfully wedded husband?" [ laughter ] according to cyrus's insider, she will not wear a veil at the wedding. instead she will wear the traditional family mullet. [ laughter ] here's another tale about some happily married young people. it's newlyweds week on "wheel of fortune." last night there was a couple named mike and sarah. they just got married. they were competing for money and fabulous prizes. and here's what they will be fighting about for the next 50 years. >> i think it will be all right here. 300. >> r. >> there are two rs. [ applause ] >> we'd like to solve the puzzle. >> go ahead. >> superman and spider woman. >> no, that is not -- >> wonder woman. >> jimmy: keep going. [ laughter ] yeah. he's going to be hearing that

till the end of his life. [ laughter ] have you seen the new old pictures of the tanning mom? this woman is patricia krentcil. well, these are the pictures we've seen. she was accused of letting her 5-year-old daughter use a tanning bed. her case got sent to a grand jury this week. they call her the tanning mom. and somebody, i'm not sure who, found old modeling photos of her when she was in her 20s. you can see this is before she fell into the sun. [ laughter ] there she is in a skimpy black outfit. which happens to be the color her skin is today. you can see she was in a -- she was nice-looking, right? she looks a little bit like chelsea handler. chelsea tanler is what she is. or maybe a meredith baxter burnty. i love a good pun. what are you going to do? i think she looks -- i like my women to look like they've been stuck in a chimney for 40 years. [ laughter ] here's another story for relaxed parents. there's a shooting range opening in lewisville, texas over the summer.

they'll have two rooms available. and the rooms will be for hosting children's birthday parties at the gun range. isn't that a great idea? the range says for the kids to be able to shoot, they have to be 8 years old and they have to be tall enough to see over the shooting table. but other than that the only rule is no shooting in the bouncy house. which i think is -- [ laughter ] this is a dangerous idea. but i think it's more dangerous for parents than it is for kids. because i don't think i've ever been to a kid's birthday party at which i haven't wanted to shoot myself. they shouldn't make it so easy. many people are appalled by this concept. but i saw a commercial for the place. i have to admit, i'm not from texas, but it looks like a lot of fun. >> hey kids, do you like fun? >> yeah! >> do you like guns? >> yeah! >> then you'll love chuck e. norris. chuck e. norris. the number one birthday party gun range in east texas. >> let's get to it! >> shoot real semi-automatic weapons on a firing range.

then eat pizza and cake. but don't take the last piece. that's for the birthday boy. >> drop it! ♪ chuck e. norris, where good kids play with guns ♪ >> chuck e. norris, not affiliated with action star chuck norris or effeminate rodent chuck e. cheese. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: on the show tonight noted author adam carolla is here. we have music from k'naan, and we'll be right back with kim kardashian, kourtney kardashian, and khloe kardashian-odom. so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] my contacts are so annoying. they're itchy, dry and uncomfortable. i can't wait to take 'em out, throw 'em away and never see them again. [ male announcer ] know the feeling? get the contacts you've got to see to believe. acuvue® oasys brand contact lenses with hydraclear® plus technology, keeping your eyes exceptionally comfortable all day long. it feels like it disappeared on my eye.

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you've got to be kidding me. sweetie, help us settle this. i say this and this is called southern hospitality. well, i call it the clean getaway. [ scoffs ] you're both wrong. it's the freshy fresh. everyone knows that. i didn't know that. oh yeah, that's what they're saying now. [ female announcer ] nothing leaves you feeling cleaner and fresher than the cottonelle care routine. try them together. then name it on facebook. ♪ >> dicky: if you're going to be in the los angeles area and want

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♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight on the program, he has a new book. it looks just like this. it's called "not taco bell material." it comes out tuesday and it's available for pre-order now. adam carolla will be here. [ cheers and applause ] and then a somali rapper who comes to us by way of canada. this is his new single, it's an enormous single, it's called "hurt me tomorrow." k'naan from the bud light stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, edward norton will be with us. from the new adam sandler movie "that's my boy" leighton meester will join us. we'll have music from a band called dead sara. so -- hey. now, our next guest. guillermo, i know you're very excited about this, aren't you? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you've asked to take a picture with them.

>> yeah. >> jimmy: and i declined that. [ laughter ] we're trying to do a show here, all right? combined our first guests tonight have more than 28 million followers on twitter, more than president obama, the pope, and danny devito combined. they are the first family of reality television. their show "keeping up with the kardashians" airs sunday nights on e!. please say hello to kim and kourtney kardashian and khloe kardashian-odom. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ welcome. it's great to have you. it's the first time all three of you have been here together. >> yeah, it is. >> jimmy: or all four of you are here, really. >> yes. >> jimmy: who did this to you? what happened? [ laughter ] >> we still are not really sure, but we will find out i think in the delivery room. >> jimmy: oh, that'll be fun. will maury povich be in the

delivery room? >> he should. >> jimmy: who will be in the delivery room? you guys have a lot of family members. who gets to be in the delivery room? >> well, last time i happened to give birth during like a window that there was -- i think my doctor said it was like a two-week window ever where they only let two people in the room because of the swine flu. so kim was hiding in the closet. >> jimmy: great. >> and my mom was peeking out in the closet. >> she was in the bathroom. >> yeah. we had -- >> i was holding her legs -- >> jimmy: you held the legs. >> i held the leg and i have been asked to do that again. >> jimmy: oh, you have? wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> the nurse held one last time, and then i said khloe, grab the other one. >> she was like, scott cannot handle this. he's going to -- because he was in the corner filming it and he was like so nervous. i was like, okay, scott, stand over there. >> i don't think it's a big deal. i think not from the waist down. >> jimmy: i agree with you. i think that -- i'm thinking you

shoot on the horizon in a situation like that. and you bring the baby up like jaws in the movie. [ laughter ] >> kourtney brought her own baby out of her. >> jimmy: no. >> kourtney basically -- >> yes, she did. >> jimmy: why even go to the hospital? [ laughter ] >> i didn't plan it. >> no, he said are you ready to touch your baby boy? and she goes, okay. and grabs -- i go, that's not what -- he didn't say grab him yet. >> that's a natural thing to do. that's how people used to give birth, standing up and squatting. >> jimmy: cavemen. the mortality rate was like 80% or something like that. you should not touch the baby until the doctor wraps it up and cleans it. >> no, that was such a nice moment. >> jimmy: all right. well, sounds like you have it all figured out. now, will rob, your brother, be allowed in the delivery room? >> scott and i were debating. but we said he would definitely make some awkward comments that could -- >> why would you want him in the room? he was in the waiting room last time. >> he was rubbing his butt earlier today. and you're telling me that's disgusting?

>> kourtney, do you want me to say what you were doing to lamar earlier? >> kourtney and -- >> jimmy: what were you doing to lamar earlier? >> nothing. lamar has a crush on me. >> you have a crush on lamar. you said i like -- >> mom has a crush on lamar. >> mom does. mom is crazy. >> jimmy: maybe lamar thinks there's a basketball under your dress and it's just trying to get out. [ laughter ] >> i think so. >> jimmy: okay. but so you're not married, correct? >> i'm not married. >> jimmy: why aren't you married after the second kid now? >> how long do we have for this conversation? >> jimmy: oh, really? >> do you want to be in my therapy session? first of all, i have realized that i have major commitment problems. >> jimmy: you do. >> during this pregnancy. >> jimmy: okay. >> because i'm really claustrophobic. and all my issues -- i have a lot of them. but they all stem from like this -- this thing. like i can't commit to anything.

>> jimmy: lay down on the couch and we'll talk about it. you're not ready to get married. >> everything i do, i need to say i'll do this but i need to -- no, i love scott and he is my partner. we are committed to each other. we're together. >> she doesn't feel like -- >> we have a great relationship. so that's not -- >> i don't think i'm any different than khloe and lamar. >> jimmy: yeah, well, i think people missed what you said there. but yeah. why don't you try it for a little while like kim did? [ cheers and applause ] see how it goes. right? now, kim, you're dating kanye west. do you remember where you met kanye west? >> i should thank you right now, right? >> jimmy: yes, that's right. you should thank me. because i think i kind of introduced you guys. >> you kind of did. i did meet him years before. >> jimmy: oh, you did? >> but we really got to, you

know, know each other on the show that you guys produced together. >> jimmy: yeah. and the show didn't go on, but your love really did. and how are the boys getting along, your husband and your boyfriend or fiancé, whatever he is right now? how are they all getting along, kanye and lamar and scott? >> i think we've all known each other for a long time. so i think they get along pretty good. >> jimmy: you do. okay. good. >> and the interesting thing is they're all only children but they're in this crazy family with so many -- >> like they're drawn to our crazy family for some reason and they're all only children. >> jimmy: i think that's a common thing. right? where only children want to be part of like a lot of madness going on. who is the craziest member of your family? >> my mom. >> i think my mom. >> jimmy: why do you say that? >> because she bred us. so, i mean. we all have little bits of crazy in us. >> jimmy: do you guys even like realize that your stepdad is bruce jenner, who like when i was growing up was like the biggest athlete, like the decathlete, the olympic champion

-- i know you guys just -- >> he reminds us all the time. >> jimmy: he does remind you? >> we hear the stories every single day. >> all the time. >> it's great, but i mean -- >> jimmy: does he have to remind you, or were you aware of his accomplishments? >> no, he had to tell us. >> in the beginning, though, he never told us, or maybe i just just didn't listen. but i literally thought he was like a swimmer before i even met him. i mean, but once i knew him and then once we were in the olympics -- we went to atlanta in '96. >> when were we in the olympics? >> well, we weren't in it. we went to the olympics in '96, and i remember we went to the decathlon, and that was the first time i really had such a respect for bruce and for what he did because i was like oh, you're not a swimmer, you did these ten events. >> why, because swimming isn't a respectable thing? >> no, but i never knew -- >> jimmy: yeah. he was the greatest athlete in the world. the decathlete is -- the winner of the decathlon --

>> it's a big deal at the olympics. >> but it's really cute because we've all heard the stories and now he tells lamar all these stories because lamar is trying out for team usa, u.s. basketball. and it's crazy because lamar is so into them. and i'm like, i can literally mouth behind bruce what he's saying. like i know every story. but it's cute. bruce loves it. >> i told kanye, whatever you do, don't ask him any political question, don't ask him about sports. olympics, nothing. unless you want to be stuck for hours and hours. >> jimmy: where did you get that beautiful gold necklace? oh, the olympics. [ laughter ] we're going to take a quick break here. we're here with the kardashian sisters, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we'll have more with them when we come back. [ male announcer ] it's back again at red lobster,

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you've got to be kidding me. sweetie, help us settle this. i say this and this is called southern hospitality. well, i call it the clean getaway. [ scoffs ] you're both wrong. it's the freshy fresh. everyone knows that. i didn't know that. oh yeah, that's what they're saying now. [ female announcer ] nothing leaves you feeling cleaner and fresher than the cottonelle care routine. try them together. then name it on facebook. support team usa and show our olympic spirit right in our own backyard. so we combined our citi thankyou points to make it happen. tom chipped in 10,000 points. karen kicked in 20,000. and by pooling more thankyou points from folks all over town, we were able to watch team usa... [ cheering ] in true london fashion. [ male announcer ] now citi thankyou visa card holders can combine the thankyou points they've earned and get even greater rewards.

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>> jimmy: welcome back. we're here with the kardashians. i've been hiding this from the audience all night, but i'm wearing all of your -- many of your fingernail polishes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm wearing khloe had a little lamb lamb. is that the one right there? >> yes. >> jimmy: i'm wearing follow me on glitter. adorable. disco dolls. >> yes. >> jimmy: kourt is ready for a pedi. >> that's what i'm wearing. >> jimmy: and also kim-pletely in love. [ applause ] >> that is some fashion statement. >> jimmy: how do you fit the names on the bottoms of the nail polish? those are very wordy. >> that's the most fun. i'm wearing my fuchsia looks bright. >> jimmy: oh, my fuchsia looks bright. >> it's fun to come up with the

names. it's the most fun part. >> jimmy: how many are there? >> a lot. >> a lot. >> we're coming out with our spring collection now. i think it's out now. and eight more colors just -- we just launched. >> jimmy: who works the hardest of the three of you? who does the actual work? >> we all do in different ways. >> i'm the president. >> of what? >> jimmy: does that mean you do the most work, though? because oftentimes the president does not. >> we all actually, we're very controlling. we're very ocd and hands-on. >> we all have different projects that we're into. like nicole from o.p.i., i really love that. and you know, we all have like different roles. kourtney loves dash. khloe's into like our -- we all kind of do different things. but we really -- we're all into every one, but we have our little specialties. >> jimmy: what if you disagree? does it have to be unanimous, or can -- two to one or do you vote? >> we do two to one. >> we do two to one. >> jimmy: is that frequently the case, where you disagree and you outvote someone else? >> yeah.

with our clothing line i would say the most is where we do the 2-1. and they -- and i think i have the most different style from them. so that's -- >> jimmy: you get outvoted a lot? >> yes. >> jimmy: do you ever just go all right, just let her make that one and -- >> we do. >> they say oh, this is so kourtney, i don't like, it but fine, let her have it. >> jimmy: do you have a line of maternity wear that you're pushing on them now? >> no. and actually, yesterday kim couldn't find an outfit to wear to the zoo. because she packed like gowns. >> jimmy: it's so hard to find an outfit to wear to the zoo. because if you wear an animal print you could get attacked. you know? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> we were in san diego, and she packed ball gowns. >> not ball gowns. >> i was like, do you want to borrow -- like this. exactly. is what she packed. >> that's what she wanted to wear to the zoo. >> so i asked her if she wanted

to borrow something. i was like i'm still wearing some of my normal clothes. just, you know -- >> i wore maternity -- >> khloe, i heard you have a peacock now. is that true? >> peter pan is her name. i found out it was a girl after i named it. but in my -- there is a peacock that was always in our area, and one of my neighbors -- >> i think it's highly illegal to have a wild animal at -- >> it's not a wild animal. >> it is. >> it's a bird. it's like -- oh, stop. okay. anyway, and one of the next-door neighbors were like, we're calling animal control. and i was like, no, they're going to kill it. so i went and bought bird food and i trailed it into my house just to save it for the day. >> inside? >> not in my home. like on the property. >> okay. >> whoa, dude. come on. pregnancy brain. and i saved its life.

and now it won't leave me alone and lamar is terrified of it. and it comes to us for food. so like when i -- >> jimmy: why is he scared of it? >> he's like, i'm from queens, we don't have birds this big in new york. [ laughter ] like he runs. and the thing will like chase it. will chase lamar. he thinks it's funny. and lamar is like dead -- he's like i have to open the door first. is it out there? because it waits by our front door. >> jimmy: is this on the show? >> the bird's just around at all times. >> jimmy: there's nothing funnier than a seven-foot-tall guy who's scared of a peacock. >> it is pretty funny. i mean, it's pretty funny. and it's not illegal. >> jimmy: well, if it is, you'll be arrested and that will be a whole episode right there. >> perfect. >> jimmy: well, it's great to see you guys. thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] "keeping up with the kardashians" airs sunday nights on e! and their nail polish kardashian kolor is available on my hands. we'll be right back with adam carolla. >> it's here.

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♪ >> jimmy: our next guest is the number one podcaster in all the world and best-selling author on top of that. his new book is called "not taco bell material." it comes out tuesday and is available for preorder now. please say hello to adam carolla! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: is your regular suit at the dry cleaners? >> i'm a big kings fan, jimmy. go kings! yeah! [ cheers and applause ] go! >> jimmy: i had no idea. i have to say, i did not know you were a kings fan. it's weird because remember we worked together on the radio and i used to go to kings games all the time and you really never came with me. >> i was always talking about the kings back in the day. i'm not one of those bandwagon guys. no. hell to the no, jimmy. i've been a kings -- a kingnatic, i call it, for many years. listen, if you're going to insult me, i could be down at the forum right now just waiting for tipoff. courtside. >> jimmy: they moved to the staples center. >> i know they play at the

staples center because as a child my father used to take me there when i was this tall. >> jimmy: is that right? >> he had season tickets and he would take me -- >> jimmy: this is well before it was built i guess then. >> okay, you know what, jimmy -- >> jimmy: do you know who number 32 on the kings is? because you're wearing that jersey. >> you know, guy -- guy robi- -- guy robitussin. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, not guy robitussin. >> kobe? >> jimmy: no, it's not kobe. you look great and you look enormous in that outfit, i have to say. are we done with this? >> no. i'm a kings fan. [ applause ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey. are your -- that was unnecessary. your kids, your twins, their sixth birthday is tomorrow. >> right. >> jimmy: sunny and natalya.

that's exciting. congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] >> they bleed king purple and black. >> jimmy: they do? >> and orange. >> jimmy: i want to show you something. i dropped something off at your house today. >> i did see that. >> jimmy: you did? this is in front of your garage now. this is the blast zone shark park inflatable water park bouncer. >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: you don't have a lot of cars, do you? >> not that i can get to. >> jimmy: that's going to be there in your driveway now. >> i appreciate it. listen, you're destroying my children. first off, they've spent more time in a bouncy castle then they have on terra firma. they really have. they're ruined for the world. they're going to be at job interviews in 15 years just going, what's going on? i don't feel the floor. it has almost no give at all. not enough psi. and why is everyone wearing their shoes? so you've destroyed them.

they're ruined. they really are -- the notion -- and by the way, why just a bouncy castle? why not a bouncy cabin or bouncy condo? shouldn't there be other things that work for bouncy? >> jimmy: it's a really good question. >> or house. something for the adults to play in. >> jimmy: a bouncy whore house would be something. in nevada. that would be nice. o'so the kids, they love -- because now they're like $60 to rent one for the day. so you can get them and every kid has them. they smell like feet and they're disgusting. >> yeah. we had a bouncy tennis ball. have fun wrestling the dog with it. >> jimmy: did you get them a present yet? have you decided what to get them? >> you know, a father's love is all my children need. i take my boy -- i take him to the l.a. zoo. >> jimmy: he loves the zoo. doesn't he? >> yes. he loves the zoo. he loves the reptile pavilion the most. but it's a horrible idea. it's horribly conceived. >> jimmy: why? >> because it's this maze of

reptiles and they put them in their little terrariums and they put them in their natural habitat. and their natural habitat is not being seen by the human eye. so it's just me and a bunch of mexicans with our faces pressed up against the glass going, i don't see a tree snake. do you see a tree snake? i don't see a tree snake. and they go, that's because they blend in. listen, the reason they have to blend in is because a macaw's going to eat them. but i don't think that's going to happen here. we're two stories underground. there's nothing going on. i say hang them on some fishing wire in front of a white sheet and let me see their ass. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's a very valid point. >> thank you. i pay good money -- i paid good money to get to the zoo here. and let me say this. do you think any of them think they're in their natural habitat? there's a husky lesbian in cargo shorts feeding them twice a day crickets by hand. [ laughter ] do you really think they confuse this with the rainforest? no. put them on that sheet. look, if you had a kilt exhibit, would you do it in front of a plaid shower curtain? i don't think so. >> jimmy: no, no. >> i don't think so, jimmy.

>> jimmy: this is the book. it's called "not taco bell material," because you were famously rejected by taco bell as an employee. >> yeah. it was a different time, jimmy. >> jimmy: it's a very funny book. it's very, very funny. but i do -- i want to go on your podcast with you because you make a statement at the beginning of the book where you talk about how there's not one ounce of hyperbole, i've not exaggerated or fabricated any of the details. and yet i found about 20 stories about me that are false, and i want to go through those point by point with you and my attorney as well. [ laughter ] >> it's called artistic license, jimmy. >> jimmy: i didn't realize that. now, you have -- you're starting your book tour at caroline's in new york city. >> that's right. >> jimmy: on tuesday? >> yes. >> jimmy: are you doing stand-up there? >> i'll be up there. artie lange's going to come out. and we'll read from the book and do a whole live launch of the book -- >> jimmy: he's going to read

from your book? >> well, one of us has to read. i can't read. maybe we'll have to get a third set of eyes in there to do some reading. >> jimmy: go meet adam and get your puck signed at caroline's in new york city on tuesday night. >> go kings! >> jimmy: the book is called "not taco bell material." it's available for preorder now on tuesday. adam carolla, everybody. we're right back with k'naan. [ cheers and applause ]

the cob sert series >> jimmy: his album comes out later this summer. here with the new song, "hurt me tomorrow," k'naan. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ this ain't a good time ♪ but when is it ever ♪ i know the perfect time ♪ and baby, that's never ♪ so don't you make it worse ♪ don't change my weather ♪ i've got to change your mind if it takes forever ♪ ♪ so don't you dare leave me now ♪ ♪ throw my heart on the ground ♪ 'cause tonight ain't the night for sorrow ♪ ♪ but you can hurt me tomorrow ♪ okay

♪ it's on you ♪ uh-huh, uh-uh ♪ i used to be a strange fruit billie holiday ♪ ♪ then you got me by my roots took the pain away ♪ ♪ i tried to question our direction that was my mistake ♪ ♪ i had to ask you where we goin baby marvin gaye ♪ ♪ i used to do it like sinatra do it my way now i'm the fugee ♪ ♪ you're my lauryn hill that got away ♪ ♪ i thought we had an at last love etta james but now i'm wondering if ♪ ♪ if what i heard is true then i know what you came to do ♪ ♪ love may be blind but i'm looking at you ♪ ♪ so before you pull the trigger ♪ ♪ did you ever consider ♪ this ain't a good time ♪ but when is it ever ♪ i know the perfect time ♪ and baby that's never ♪ so don't you dare leave me now ♪ ♪ throw my heart on the ground ♪ because tonight ain't the night for sorrow ♪

♪ but you can hurt me tomorrow ♪ you can hurt me ♪ you can hurt me ♪ you can hurt me ♪ you can hurt me ♪ you can hurt me tomorrow ♪ you can hurt me tomorrow, girl ♪ ♪ if you could take a rain check on a stormy night ♪ ♪ then i would love you till you're old like you're betty white ♪ ♪ you could hurt me any other day pick a night ♪ ♪ but not on monday tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday night ♪ ♪ and not the weekend neither 'cause i got a song to write i promise ima hear you out when the time is right ♪ ♪ let's have a talk august 7th 2099 at your place or mine ♪ ♪ this ain't a good time but when is it ever ♪ ♪ i know the perfect time ♪ and baby that's never ♪ so don't you dare leave me now ♪