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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  July 18, 2012 12:00am-1:05am PDT

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♪ >> mandy, what's wrong, are you okay? >> guillermo:no. i lost the miss chubby cheerleader pageant so now i can't get a scholarship to college. >> jimmy: you lost the miss chubby cheerleader pageant? that's sad. have you thought about a ramen scholarship? >> guillermo:no. what is a ramen scholarship? >> jimmy: target's giving away scholarships for all kinds of students. click here, answer a few questions into the web cam, and if you win, you'll get a year's supply of ramen noodles. >> guillermo: a year's supply of
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noodles? >> jimmy: yes. >> guillermo: how do i do it? >> jimmy: get ready for the challenge. here you go. >> i see you've applied for a target ramen scholarship. let's begin. show us your finest noodle slurp. >> jimmy: so do a noodle slurp, like you're slurping noodles. all right, pretty good. >> okay, here's one more. if you could meet the inventor of ramen, what would you say to him? >> guillermo:i would say thank you for inventing the ramen noodles. >> jimmy: ramen. >> guillermo: roman. >> jimmy: ramen. >> guillermo: romney. >> jimmy: it's not romney. ramen. okay. i think you might win this. [ laughter ] >> dicky: target has all the "stuff" you need to get ready for college. go to targetstuffscholarships.com to see all the available scholarships. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with russell brand, olivia munn and matisyahu.
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[ cheers and applause ] true for guacamole,same whee show us what that dance would look like. ♪ want to hop in the back and get weird? no. no. ♪ ugh, no! [ sighs ] we can have hotdogs for dinner?! yes. [ male announcer ] it's nice to finally say "yes." new oscar mayer selects. it's yes food. they're itchy, dry and uncomfortable. i can't wait to take 'em out, throw 'em away and never see them again. [ male announcer ] know the feeling? get the contacts you've got to see to believe. acuvue® oasys brand contact lenses with hydraclear® plus technology, keeping your eyes exceptionally comfortable all day long. it feels like it disappeared on my eye. [ male announcer ] discover why it's the brand eye doctors trust most for comfort. if you have astigmatism, there's an acuvue® oasys lens for that too, realigning naturally with every blink. ask your doctor for acuvue® oasys brand.
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well, that's too bad. we're on our break. maybe one of the other tellers can help you. ♪ [ chester cheetah ] on your way. [ male announcer ] take a cheetos break with cheetos. but now you're saved clear men, with mint, ginseng, and tea tree. it feeds your scalp to stop dandruff at the source. clear men. feed scalp. stop dandruff at the source. double impact. [ doorbell ] i'm here to snake your drain. i'm here to flush the pipe. [ male announcer ] new liquid plumr double impact has twice the drain clearing power with a plumbers snake to grab deep clogs and a powerful gel to finish off the rest, baby. [ gurgling ] ♪ new liquid plumr double impact.
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♪ >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, russell brand. [ cheers and applause ] olivia munn. [ cheers and applause ] and music from matisyahu. [ cheers and applause ] with cleto and the cletones. and now, for the first time today, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hold on. that's very nice. that's very nice. i'm jimmy. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. thanks very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, my father's here. i just spotted him in the audience. how about that. hope you're having a good summer
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so far. summer, i guess, we're halfway through it now. sun is gone and all we're 11 with is myrrh. you know, president obama had a funny thing happen to him last night. he and the first lady got wooded at a basketball game. they were at an exhibition game between brazil and the usa. you know the kiss cams were the camera stops on a couple on the audience and forces them to kiss. the camera stopped on the obamas and they froze. >> the secretary of education say former player of harvard. he was a very good player. i think there's probably some father/daughter coaching going on at the basketball court. [ applause ] they got president obama on the ever-popular arena in-house arena kiss cam. >> jimmy: well, not kissing on
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camera say strategy they learned from the clintons when they were in washington. [ laughter ] after that, i don't know if someone got in the president's ear -- which, by the way, you can fit a fully grown person in his ear. [ laughter ] the obamas got another shot at the kiss cam later in the game. at this time, spit was suitably swapped. >> they got the president up on the kiss cam a moment ago. a presidential smooch. barack obama with the first lady michelle. the pressure is on him. >> he didn't -- he made good on it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: vice president biden was there at the game, too. you saw him sitting there afterwards. you saw him making a speech on senior citizens issues. vice presidents get to have all the fun. they really do. the audience at this speech was primarily made up of retirees. one woman, though, brought her 7-year-old granddaughter.
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somehow, she managed to get the vice president's attention. >> mom, led her read the book. grandma, led her ret her read h. there's a beautiful child down there that looks to be 7, 8 -- how old are you? 7? honey. you are so good to be here. somebody owes you a big surprise for having to sit through all this. and it's okay by me if you read your book while i'm speaking, okay? >> thank you. >> you're such a good girl. hey, everybody how are you all doing? nice to see you, were be to washington. >> jimmy: you know, kids today, they grow up so fast. [ applause ] meanwhile, mitt romney is still refusing to release his tax returns. so far, he's released returns from 2011 and 2010 but said, he's, quote, simply not enthusiastic about releasing any of the other years. you know what, if he's not
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enthusiastic about it, then he shouldn't do it. my grandmother always said, you got to have enthusiasm. mccain took one look at him and said, you know what i'm going with the crazy moose lady instead. [ laughter ] maybe the reason mitt romney doesn't want to release his tax returns is because mitt romney is batman and that would give his secret identity away. think about it. the fbi is investigating a very strange incident involving airline food. on four different delta flights from amsterdam to the united states on sunday, passengers found sewing needles in their turkey sandwiches. that was in coach. first class passengers got lobster rolls with cuticle needle inside. nobody was seriously hurt. thank god it was just needles and not a real threat to safety like a nine-ounce bottle of body lotion, right? [ laughter ]
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no one is sure how the needles got into the sandwiches. but they're thinks it's an act of terrorism. personally, i think there's only one explanation pour this. sounds to me like someone has been quilting on the job. [ laughter ] >> reporter: or they were high. the flight was from amsterdam, so they were probably high. [ applause ] >> jimmy: this is pretty great. this took place, i believe in poland. although i'm not exactly sure. it's a video titled "man driving a half car." and they call it that because that's exactly what happens. [ car sounds ] >> jimmy: now, i feel stupid for
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having a whole car. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: remember in the '70s when we used to make polish jokes? that was why. that was why. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is unbelievable, it's easy to get jaded with all the amazing technology we have nowadays but this is remarkable. some 7-elevens overseas now have instant mashed potato dispensers. kind of reich those coffee machines you see at the hospital. but instead of coffee, hot mashed potatoes come out. this is from a 7-eleven in singapore. >> we're going to have some incredible mashed potatoes come out of this. check it out. mashed potatoes. mmm. and here comes the gravy. >> jimmy: wow, the future really is here.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: right now, there's only one mashed potato dispenser in the united states, and it's located in britney spears rec room so we can't get to it. how the hell did singapore get this before we did? since when do they even have 7-elevens over there? what is happening to this country? we invented eed instant mashed potatoes. who do you think invented squeezable snacks? the mexicans? no way, jose. we did the u.s. of a. there's a cheeseburger with seven patties in japan, and we sit here and let them beat us. can i get some patriotic music. ♪ ladies and gentlemen, i say this is our wake-up call. we need to get back on track.
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maybe we've lost the race for instant mashed potatoes. i see homes equipped with hot and coal running cake batter. i see school cafeterias serving vats of liquid fried chicken. i see our mashed potatoes with toll booths with spigots. i see bacon subpoepposetoris. i think we need to see united states of america as the fastest and most obese country in the world. we need to put the "pie" back in pioneers. we need to remind our scientists that fat is where it's at. i don't just say this stuff. i live it, folks, i live it. make sure we never come in second when it comes to mashed
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potatoes again. are you with me? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ let's do it for our children. [ applause ] >> jimmy: all right. i need to get something to eat. but before i do, my cousin sal is a man of many gifts. chief among them is his ability to torment others. from time to time, we send sal and his hidden cameras in the world. this time, he went to the local costco at burbank and here's cousin sal at costco. ♪ >> can i help you? >> yeah, do you have a -- i think they overcharged my membership. >> okay? what's that, you returning something? >> no, no, we just bought it. >> so what happened here? >> they owe me $10. >> they owe you? >> yeah. >> when you say "they" who do
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you mean? >> when i renewed my membership. >> and they -- >> overcharged. >> that's part of our bad policy. >> pardon me? >> if we overcharge you, it's like that's that. there's nothing we can do about it. >> no, on the computer, costco say the customer is safe. they owe me. >> that was before we implemented that policy. >> just recently, when you switched my card -- >> switched? >> swiped my card, it will show. >> how much do you owe us? >> i don't owe you. owe me. how do we owe you? we've always been here for you? >> costco overcharged me. >> look how cheap everything is here. you're not going it get a better bargain, right? >> no, no. >> she's from atlanta. >> she's from atlanta. >> no, no. >> and you're from harlem,
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right? >> no -- >> i have no problem with you. she's giving me a hard time. >> i'm not giving you a hard time. >> i just thought she was getting sarcastic with me? >> no, no, i'm not setting sarcastic with you. i'm explaining why i'm here. >> tell me how much you owe us. >> i don't owe you. costco overcharged me in renewing my membership. >> that's the policy. >> it's not returning -- >> it's not a product i bought. >> but what about that don't you understand? >> why don't you call your supervisor, you know? you been working here like 20 years? >> i've been working here like two weeks. i understand everything. i'm sorry, but that's that. you know who can help us out
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right now? little tippy, she owes us $10. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. tonight on the show, olivia munn is here. we have music from matisyahu. and we'll be right back with russell brand, so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] why should our wallets tell us what our favorite color is? every room deserves to look great. and every footstep should tell us we made the right decision. so when we can feel our way through the newest, softest, and most colorful options... ...across every possible price range... ...our budgets won't be picking the style. we will. more saving. more doing. that's the power of the home depot. make room for savings with $37 basic installation on martha stewart living and platinum plus carpet.
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♪ >> jimmy: hi there, we're back. tonight on the program, she's a part of the new aaron sorkin show called "the newsroom" on hbo, olivia munn is here with us
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tonight. [ cheers and applause ] then, we'll have music from perhaps the greatest jewish reggae album of all time, it's called "spark seeker." >> jimmy: tomorrow night we'll be joined by kate beckinsale. and have music from rule bucket. and we have quite a show for you on thursday. charlie sheen, snooki, and joe cocker featuring huey lewis. isn't that an amount-ahh, bummer, i can't be here for that or ah, maybe they'll have a baby together. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a strikingly articulate and beautifully coiffed actor and comedian. he has a new talk show called "brandx with russell brand." you can watch it thursdays at 11:00 on fx. please welcome russell brand. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: welcome. you know, it just hit me from like the neck up, you look just like jesus, from the rest, though, not even a little. [ laughter ] >> well, the neck up was the best of jesus. from the neck down, he was a bit of a rascal. [ laughter ] he's gone through a terrible predicament here, here and there. >> jimmy: that is true. but he overcame the predicament. >> that's what i love about the guy. a lot of people would have seen being nailed to the cross as a real interruption. not jesus, he got right back up again like chumbawamba. i get knocked down i get back up again. >> jimmy: are you working the
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show today? >> it's hard to do a show, isn't it, jimmy? >> jimmy: it is hard work. >> to come on the "jimmy kimmel live," i'll be completely relaxed. you make commentary about jesus. whereas on my own show, i've got to be you. >> jimmy: well, another thing about your show is, you don't have guests. you have to be you and me at the same time [ cheers and applause ] >> in retrospect, that was an oversight. coming up, your first guest. how do you feel -- you're jesus from the neck up. and you stole that from jimmy coming. quiet, you! >> jimmy: there are a lot of stories about you in the press. and i'm never really sure whether they're false. whether you've tricked someone into thinking like they're true. >> like i'm a trickster. >> jimmy: yeah, or whether they're actually true.
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you are kind of a trickster. you do a lot of stuff. >> i'm a tricky little swine, jim. >> jimmy: indeed you are. >> the reality, don't take it too seriously. you can only see the tip of the si iceberg. the reality is very limited to us. imagine what's going on in space right now. who knows. you can't even see it. there could be stuff under that chair. [ laughter ] >> basically okay. >> jimmy: see, i think you're fine without a host. you can do the whole show on your own. >> this guest has got to go. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, yeah -- >> i'll never forget you glass of water. hey, people are 70% water -- 100% is water. water's winning. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're right. that's as close to a guest as we get sometimes. now, is it true, you are going to sing at the closing ceremony
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at the olympics in london? >> i'm not allowed to publicly admit i will be singing of the closing ceremony of the olympics. >> jimmy: is that true? are you not allowed to say that? >> yeah, i'm not allowed to say, yes, it's true, i'm singing at the closing ceremony at the olympics. i'm not allowed to say that. >> jimmy: it has been all over the news and internet. do you know what you're going to do? >> jimmy! i'm not allowed to admit it. >> jimmy: that's right. >> you're going to be a lovely granddad. i wish he was my granddad. >> jimmy: there's something -- is it adopt a grandchild? is it possible, i don't know? >> i don't know if it's possible. i think of the actual parents. i'm adopting a grandchild. i think that's kidnap. but we'll try it, jimmy. >> jimmy: you are obviously from england. this san exciting event for your country. to host the olympics.
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is this something you're interested in, like would you go to olympic events? >> no. because -- [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> i prefer the special olympics. [ laughter ] >> people are more committed. the olympics feels like they're trying to force to you enjoy it. ooh, the olympics. >> jimmy: you say people are more committed? >> yeah. they appreciate it more. >> jimmy: you won't be going to any events. you won't be -- >> i may be at the closing ceremony. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> i'm not allowed to tell you, jimmy. i'm not allowed to tell you that i'll be there singing. >> jimmy: i'm surprised that -- if i was in charge of the olympics, i'd have you deported during the time that was going on. i would make sure you were out of our country.
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>> that is why you're never going to be given that kind of power. that is how passiis how fascism. if you get rid of the all the decenters then you get fascism. >> jimmy: with that said, at our closing ceremonies, we had lionel richie sing. maybe he'll be there with you. >> well, i couldn't possible say. i like lionel richie. the first bit of had its name, lion reminds me of a lion's face. he's a bit lion-like. >> jimmy: he is a bit lion-like. another story about you that you recently purchased a gun. is that true? >> anyone here, one looking at me, i just pray to god that man's packing a weapon. with that personality and quick temper, i'd like to see him use
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lethal force. >> jimmy: well, is it true? >> no. i would like a gun, though. >> jimmy: you would like a gun? >>yes. i'm a guy that loves peace. i think love is the option to our core. however, guns voila! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: have you fired a gun? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, you have. >> i'm pretty good. >> jimmy: are you really. >> you know that thing, that sight down there, oh, man, i've made mince meat of that guy. if anybody invades the castle, they're in trouble. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i saw some photographs that lead knee believe and correct me if i'm wrong but you appear to be dating again. >> that's paige >> jimmy: who's that? >> paige teaches me yoga. it's a type of yoga where you
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get access to cosmic forces. >> jimmy: here she is again. it seems like you're around town together. >> this is one of the greatest threesomes i've ever taken part in. [ applause ] >> it's coming. it's coming -- ooh! >> jimmy: i heard paige is here with us tonight. is that true. >> paige is in the back now with one of your producers whose name is ken who i love. >> jimmy: ken is a great guy. why does your yoga instructor travel with you. >> it's not far i only live down the road. if i was in peru, i wouldn't take her. i'm going to jimmy kimmel. that would be great. >> jimmy: you guys are friends and you hang around together. >> it's hollywood-like with a candle lit room. i like her, she's a nice person. it's like spiritual person. sometimes, they're a priest. times, they're a yoga teacher. sometimes, it's a chap that always seems to get to the
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heart. it's good to hang around those people, sometimes, you're thinking about materialistic things that can never make you happy. >> jimmy: you brought her to the mtv music awards when you hosted the show. >> the mtv awards said bring a yogi. >> jimmy: does she make you do yoga while you're there? >> she makes me feel chilled out. to do jokes. do some jokes, make everyone relaxed. it was funny. charlie sheen was there, right? your guest tomorrow. and a fellow fx person, promoting tv show. promote tv show. >> jimmy: right. >> i'm a businessman. >> jimmy: indeed you are. >> quiet, you! [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: so she's there with you at the show. and charlie sheen -- did she run into charlie sheen. >> charlie sheen wants to check
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the joke you're doing, russell. the joke was this. it goes, charlie sheen's here. just so there's someone crazier in the odd yaudience than me. but he's sober and there's a gram of coke under his chair. and i saw him going nuts. i approved the joke with him before. i set, is that right, charlie? he goes, that's a kilo. >> jimmy: russell brand is here. we've got a show. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions ofba "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by bud light. woo! played "pin the tail on the donkey"
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with dana all night. wow. lost my mio energy, hired this guy to keep me awake. here, have some of mine. ♪ mmmmm. you're fired! [ male announcer ] portable power on demand. mio energy. so does writing words on your face.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there, we are back with russell brand. "brandx with russell brand" airs thursdays at 11:00 on fx. are you enjoying it? you're the executive producer of the show also? >> that's right, i'm that charge. >> jimmy: how does that work? do you have to fire people? >> well, yeah, i think i have to. if someone deserve ace good firing i would have to sternly fire them. >> jimmy: have you ever fired anyone before? >> as a mart eat of fact, i hav. you know the end of the hulk when the hulk used to be on tele. you think of the person going home all sad. and you worry about it.
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best to close down that part of the mind and become brutal. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: if you can do that, that's great. >> yeah, i'm not capable of it. >> jimmy: do you have like an office? >> i have an office at warner brothers. a deal there. a deal to make things. like i have to go into the office. i can tell you seriously, i'm too self-conscious. i'm in my office now. i feel embarrassed about it. i feel like i'm wearing big wooden trousers. this is stupid. like there's cobwebs everywhere because i'm never really in there. i'm so bored i don't see the point. it's like aine office of a haunted house. like i'm the manager of a haunted house. doesn't require any real management, one the ghosts are there, you're basically done. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: does the network give you any direction? do they say, this is what we want you to do? this is what we don't want you to do? >> sometimes, they say things like that. >> jimmy: they do? yeah. >> sometimes, i just think of a really loud song like in charlie
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brown when the teacher's talking or irish pipe music. ♪ i try not to listen to people if they're -- >> jimmy: you ignore them? >> i ignore them, jimmy. >> jimmy: that's all you can do. >> with the voices in my mind, i've got enough to do. >> jimmy: you tweeted recently you met tom jones. is tom jones -- are you too young to really know tom jones. >> well, a lot of people are. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. >> i didn't emerge from a perfect orb of light this morning. like the beginning of close encounters. >> jimmy: to be honest, i don't know who half the celebrities are in england. >> keith welsh. we own him. you cannot escape where you're from. that's one of the great things in life, jim. you can never escape where you're from.
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>> jimmy: what do you and tom jones say to each other? >> i go up and down the stairs. i don't always go in the elevator. it's very lazy. i'm once a very public person. i swore a life long oath, always get the stairs from that day forward. always say it's a tip. a tip. >> jimmy: that's a good tip. >> that's one of the few tips i can share on your show. other ones are sex tips. though there are so many good techniques, i can't say them because they're too rude. you may be insulted. >> jimmy: in the stairwell? >> in the stairwell, sometimes, i slump liftlessly over. [ laughterlaug[ laughter ] on this occasion, i was -- tom jones drifted by like a living human. you -- he speaks like that --
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[ laughter ] i felt like i'm in a rush. [ laughter ] i'm in a rush. oh -- ooh. okay. i go, i'm late for an appointment. i didn't even have a watch on. i kept tapping that like eventually a watch will appear. i kept tapping. i sit around, tom jones' son. hey, dad. and like the sound of someone is is shaving on their mouth. like that. and went up and down like disappointment. well, hello. i'm like -- we just stood there for a bit. two men in the room. i tried to convey to tom jones. you cold fish, you bastard. and they anticipate it [ laughter ] and his phone number, like he was a pretty girl. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very sad.
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did his son apologize? >> no it's like he meant that to happen. [ laughter ] like he's some sort of cackling situationist. [ applause ] >> jimmy: well, it's always wonderful to have you here. your show is called "brandx" with russell brand. >> it's on your tv. 11:00. >> jimmy: russell brand, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we'll be right back with olivia munn. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ nice, mio energy?
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[ humming ] [ babbling ] the cheerios bandit got you again? [ both laugh ] ♪ the one and only, cheerios ...and now...
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you! [ giggles ] ♪ the one and only, cheerios [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is sponsored by bud light. to stream on-air performances and other music videos go to jimmy kimmel live.com. [ female announcer ] caltrate's done even more to move us.
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because vitamin d3 helps bones absorb calcium, caltrate's double the d. it now has more than any other brand to help maximize calcium absorption. so caltrate women can move the world. [ girl voice ] it's yummy avocado. a superfood. superfood? will it give me laser vision? [ boy voice ] will it give me super strength? [ girl voice ] will i be able to fly?! i want to fly! i want some! can i have some? listen! it's supergood and it's super-mine. super-possessive. super-uncalled-for. super stingy. [ male announcer ] get your own subway turkey with avocado! or add this superfood to any sub. it's avocado season! only at subway.
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so the production of twix was divided between two separate factories. left twix factory cascades caramel and chocolate onto cookie, while right twix factory flows caramel and chocolate onto cookie. today they share nothing, but a wrapper and a driveway. try both and pick a side.
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[ male announcer ] now at your dinner...is...served.way. tonight, take it easy and enjoy your favorite soup, salad and hot, hearty sub. like the toasty big hot pastrami melt. get to your local subway for some dinnertime deliciousness tonight. subway. eat fresh.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. still to come, you know our next guest from "magic mike," "attack of the show," "the daily show" and "attack of the daily show." her latest is the new aaron sorkin project called "the
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newsroom." it airs sunday nights on hbo. please say hello to olivia munn. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? you look fantastic, i like that dress. >> thank you, it's actually a shirt that i cut off before i came here. then we had to tape it inside because we cut it too short. >> jimmy: you ruined the magic. i like what you put together for yourself. where were you born, by the way? >> i was born in oklahoma then raised in japan because my mother married a guy some the military. my mother is chinese blood but came here the day the war ended. >> jimmy: that's very confusing. so what language was spoken in your house? >> my mom speaks vietnamese and
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chinese and english. i speak japanese and english. my mom always spoke english with us. it's funny because when she learned english, she learned a little bit in vietnam. but mostly when she came to america. when you learn another language, it's so hard because of the expressions and identification idioms that make it really hard. >> jimmy: si. [ laughter ] >> my mom would get the american expressions. she'd be close but a little off. >> jimmy: like what? >> like whenever i'd make her mad. she'd say, oh, you stupid girl, you make me lose my marbles. like where is my marbles. she'd get mad, like that expression, you're throwing a fit. she'd say, oh, you stupid girl, i'm throwing my fit at you.
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>> jimmy: she learned that from somebody? >> yeah, in her head it sounds exactly the way it's supposed to sound. which is also why my mom, this is so exciting for her, for me to be on your show tonight. for me to be doing what i'm doing. i'm first generation american. she never thought this would happen for one of her children. she's completely plugged into the internet. she's always like, chinese blog talk about you vietnamese blog love you. everybody in vietnam love you. i'm like, thanks. i also -- it's one of my big fears that she's going to get on to twitter. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> i look at people, their parents get on to twitter. i think it's one of our biggest responsibilities as children to make sure our parents never join twitter. ever. [ cheers and applause ] i just think it's the -- >> jimmy: my kids say the same
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thing. yeah, that -- because, yeah, there's no upside to it, is there? >> i mean, my mom -- i think that she would -- she'd probably start fighting back for me. >> jimmy: oh, right. get very offended. >> my mom speaks in an accent. she writes in one, too. you might have actually been complimenting them. i had this incident not long ago. she goes online are and sees everything as a truth. she texts me, hey, hackers are sinners. keep your chin up. don't worry, i hate them. love, mom. i had a relationship for four years. and i decided to text her because now she's texting. i'll call her and i'll be like, hey, mom. why you call me? text me. dear mom, i'm having a
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breakdown. [ laughter ] she texted like, hey, we broke up. i'm fine. don't worry, i don't like him. he's such a sissy boy away. sissy boy that's another american expression that she kind of made her own. [ applause ] >> i knew exactly what she was talking about. >> jimmy: i have a little bit of a bone to pick with you. i apologize in advance. i went to see "magic mike" and expected to see a lot of naked men and you ruined it by taking off your clothes. that is not what i signed up for? >> i'm sorry. so sorry. >> jimmy: just give me a heads-up. i'm in a certain mode when i go in there and it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. >> somebody said to me like -- lots of people don't actually know that you're actually topless. that's good for the guys, right? yeah, i kind of feel bad, if you ever care to see me topless, you're going to have to see
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through a lot of peanuts to see it. >> jimmy: small price to pay. you know, you never know if something else is coming up that you get to see. >> yeah, you get to see my penis, too. [ applause ] >> jimmy: this show, "newsroom" first of all, aaron sorkin who is an emmy and oscar winner. one of the great writers ever. jane fonda son the show. sam waterson. is this intimidating for you? >> yeah, when you say it it makes me more. it's difficult because i didn't come to that in a normal way. sam waterson. emily mortimer, she's british which is always intimidating no matter what. i look at them, and there's the eight main actors. i say, out of the eight of us, here's the difference.
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the seven of you, you're theater-trained. i'm u youtube-trained. talk to me like the internet. walk over there. got it! >> jimmy: i still haven't figured out stage left. >> hey, can you go over there. i can do that. >> jimmy: congratulations on being part of the show and the movie and all of that stuff. olivia munn, everybody. "the newsroom" airs sunday nights at 10:00 on hbo. when we come back, music from matisyahu. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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♪ [ man ] excuse me miss. [ gasps ] this fiber one 90 calorie brownie has all the moist, chewy, deliciousness you desire. mmmm. thanks. [ man ] at 90 calories, the brownie of your dreams is now deliciously real. [ female announcer ] and now, try our new chocolate chip cookie 90 calorie brownie.
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[ humming ] [ babbling ] the cheerios bandit got you again? [ both laugh ] ♪ the one and only, cheerios ...and now... you! [ giggles ] ♪ the one and only, cheerios
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is his new album called "spark seeker." here with the song, "sunshine," matisyahu. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ keep on moving til the first rays of dawn keeping it on til the day stays strong ♪ ♪ roll until the nighttime blazes on all along i keep singing my song ♪ ♪ i say this phase is old ways sometimes i get so crazed ♪ but just know that i'll always stay cause you're my light
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through the haze ♪ ♪ it's time for a champion to sooth the soul of the land mend the heart from the sea and the sand ♪ ♪ til the sun comes up again time for a champion to sooth the soul of the land mend the heart ♪ ♪ from the sea and the sand til the sun comes up again reach for the sky keep your eye on the prize ♪ ♪ forever in my mind be my golden sunshine it's raining in your mind so push them clouds aside ♪ ♪ forever by my side you're my golden sunshine i love you ladies! ♪ when the sun set i let myself down ♪ ♪ found the ground beneath my feet gone no more words were there to speak ♪ ♪ on that day my song was born never meant to leave you all alone ♪
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♪ said i'd be your shelter from the storm now your clothes have all been torn ♪ ♪ kingdom sacked attacked and dethroned it's time for a champion to sooth the soul ♪ ♪ of the land mend the heart from the sea and the sand til the sun comes up again ♪ ♪ time for a champion to sooth the soul of the land mend the heart from the sea and the sand ♪ ♪ til the sun comes up again reach for the sky keep your eye on the prize forever by my side ♪ be my golden sunshine it's raining in your mind so push them clouds aside forever by my side ♪ ♪ you're my golden sunshine it's the way of the world you're on your own time to grow and be a man ♪ ♪ wanna fly high like peter pan no more never never land just lose your backpack ♪ ♪ filled with sand
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come along and take my hand we'll walk together walk forever ♪ ♪ reach for the sky keep your eye on the prize forever by my side be my golden sunshine ♪ ♪ it's raining in your mind so push them clouds aside forever by my side you're my golden sunshine ♪ ♪ reach for the sky keep your eye on the prize forever by my you're my golden sunshine ♪ ♪ it's raining in your mind so push them clouds aside forever by my side you're my golden sunshine ♪ ♪ oh oh oh ♪

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