thank you for watching abc news. jimmy kimmel is next, see you tomorrow. >> dicky: up next on an all number "jimmy kimmel live." >> only 47% of americans view obama favorably. 49% see him unfavorably. and clint eastwood doesn't see obama at all. he thinks he's invisible. >> dicky: bob newhart. >> i don't know if you have one of these, we bought you a snowboard. >> and vma host kevin hart. >> i've never not had a warrant. >> you think in china, stuff just says made in here? >> dicky: an all new "ji

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- bob newhart, kevin hart, and music from miss willie brown with cleto and the cletones. and now, what luck, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome. welcome. thank you, cleto. hi, everybody, i'm jimmy. thank you for watching. thank you for coming to visit. oh, there's a lot going on

tonight. the first nfl game tonight. the democratic national convention, a new episode of "here comes honey boo-boo." everything that we are as a nation is all rolled up into one tonight. we'll get to all of it in due time. first, we need to check the weather. rain here in l.a. here. we got hit with remnants of what was originally tropical storm john. this is from salt lake city. a man there, weatherman dan pope, was busy tracking john. >> now, we have john. this is a tropical storm. and you say, why are you showing this. john is going to resort, the moisture from john will be left over. the spin, the tropical storm itself will turn into a depression. >> jimmy: that's how hawaii got pregnant. that's what happens when you hire a team of 11-year-old boys

do your weather graphics. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: nfl season kicked off in new jersey. dallas cowboys played the defending champions new york giants. so ladies, i guess we'll catch up with you and valentine's day. football helps me pass the time between seasons of "dancing with the stars" more than anything. the nfl referees are on strike tonight. tonight, they used replacement refs. i'm sure these guys are trying to do their best. some of them were calling high school games last year. they just don't seem to have the same level of professionalism the regular referees have. >> and our second penalty. >> okay. so we got the big guy hitting the smaller guy real hard. he's like a fullback or halfback. didn't matter. didn't matter. it would be good. it would be good. we're going to push him back

like 10, 20 -- like lines. steps. maybe steps. and, yeah, do over. total do-over. do-over called. >> jimmy: you see what i'm saying why professionals? [ applause ] >> jimmy: it's hard not to referee when you do that. we have a lot of passionate football fans here. we also have some not so passionate fans. fans like my cousin nicki who doesn't know a lot about the nfl. in fact, nicki knows so little, we thought we could ask nfl trivia questions. it turns out she can't. >> nfl, national federation network. >> tight end? in football, oh, gosh. can't be their body.

i mean, tight? they're tight ends. they're athletic. but it probably is when they're getting close, like when they're about to get a goal and then it's like -- everything is like neck and neck. tight end. tight ending for a game. that's what a tight end is. that's what it is. i had to work it out. >> jimmy: okay, uncle fred's daughter. carrying on the family trait. thanks to nick and nick also for participating. you know, there's a new episode of this big hit reality show "here comes honey boo-boo." on tlc. it makes "yejersey shore" look like -- it's like toddlers and tiaras, she's a 7-year-old

pageant contestant. named honey boo-boo. if you haven't seen her, imagine a dumber bright obese version of the kardashians with about half as many teeth. and they're a special group of people. and their show is so popular, they already have a show on another network that takes a slightly different look at america's new favorite family. >> in the back woods of georgia, it's a fair and fascinating creature honey boo-boo. honey boo-boo has an insatiable appetite for cheese balls. when the cheese balls run out, the boo-boo as you bob for pig feet. when threatened, but with the brain of size of a walnut, the biggest threat to a honey boo-boo is a complete lack of

judgment. they seem to take pleasure in their own destruction. in this never before seen mating ritual, the boo-boos grab one another into the mud to procreate. the majestic honey boo-boo. up next the honey boo-boo faces off with the honey badger only on discovery. >> jimmy: love it. [ applause ] >> jimmy: another reality news, as you probably heard, snooki, the beloved imp from "jersey shore" welcomed their first child into the world. named him lorenzo domenic. today, mom and baby appeared on "people" magazine, there they are. i'm not sure knowing the length of the kid, snowing snooki, my guess is the kid is 2.3 inches tall.

she said she wore bronzer and eyelashes because she wanted to look pretty for the baby. she said she was in 24 hours labor. which i figured out that's 24 hours exactly more labor than she'd done previously ever. mcdonald's made an unusual announcement this week. next year, mcdonald's is opening two restaurants in india that don't serve meat. they're doing it because cows are sacred in india. whereas here, they're lunch. if i was a cow, i'd move straight to mumbai. just back my bucket and let the worship begin. they'll still have the happy meal. to be honest, for most people in india, any meal is a happy meal. but they will not serve beef. can you imagine if they tried to open a vegetarian mcdonald's

here? people would go nuts. would would be the hamburger you'd steal? what about the grimace? if the grimace loses weight, he will not be a mascot suitable for a family restaurant anywhere. he'll be doing the weather in salt lake city. here's something for parents of students who just went back to school. if your kids come home and complain ago anything really. sit them down and show them this. in this chinese town, students have to bring their own desks to school. appare apparently, 2,000 students in the school, they have to bring their own desks. one kid carries a coffee table. i guess they haven't heard of clip boards. this is a grandmother carrying a desk. my thought is there is an able-bodied photographer taking

pictures of this woman. luckily, they're going to make nice jobs it's easy to grab one. do you think in china, stuff just says "made in here?" [ applause ] delay. delayed applause. a news helicopter got a video of a family of ducks crossing highway 47 in toronto. we sped this video up. the ducks have a number of close calls as you can see. they didn't get hit, they just got kind of -- i don't know why they had to cross the road. it's not like they had to go to work. they should make a video game like this starring a frog, they got blown over again but the ducks are fine. by the way, ducks were fly. this seems like a good time to let that particular gift kick

in, don't you think? they made it. [ applause ] miraculously, the ducks were completely unharmed. unfortunately, they ended up in front of a chinese restaurant and were eaten. in baseball, the colorado rockies beat the atlanta braves last night. it wasn't a particularly exciting became but there was one great moment in the fourth inning. >> that's a busy travel schedule for simmonds. mississippi yesterday, atlanta today, rome and then lynchburg. oh, sorry, tom. >> are you talking to me? >> jimmy: apparently, tom has a pretty hectic eating schedule, too. according to the latest abc news/"washington post" poll over the past five months, president obama's popularity has dropped seven points. right now, obama has the lowest popularity of any incumbent president going into a convention since the '80s.

49% see him unfavorably. and clint eastwood doesn't see him at all. no other job do you get to find out how many people think you suck three times a week. the keynote speaker tonight was former president clinton. president clinton didn't always have a good relationship with barack obama, but that seems to have changed over the years. i think making his wife, hillary clinton, secretary of state so she had to be out of the country most of the time. superdave osborne, super dave is the world's greatest stuntman. i didn't know he was involved in politics. he brought flair to the otherwise boring dnc. >> hello, north carolina, hello democrats. look who's here, mitt romney!

why are you here tonight, mitt? mitt likes to show us that he has a sense of humor. okay. governor chris christie is suing the state of new jersey for building a sidewalk too close to his -- thank you, mitt. no, i don't think you need another one. all right, mitt, says this is a true story. years ago, when his son tagg was 10 years old, he was walking down the end of the house. he opened the door, there's mitt only in chaps and his mother is in a cheerleading outfit with no underwear and they're going

crazy. tagg says, what's going on, daddy? he said, we're just having fun. i'll tuck you in in 20 minutes. 20 minutes later, mitt hear partying down the hall. tagg is having sex with his grandmother. mitt says, tagg, what are you doing? he says, it's not so funny when it's your mother, is it? are you kidding? two -- walk into a bar and buy it. anyway -- you want to -- hillary clinton and kim kardashian are on a bridge. kim says, help, i've always wanted to pee off this bridge. she says, go ahead, there's no one around. kim goes over, she's short and

sticks her -- over the edge and says, come over here, hillary. i want to pee right in that canoe. hillary says it's not a canoe, it's your reflection. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, we have a good show tonight, kevin hart is here. we have music from miss willie brown and we'll be right back with bob newhart so stick around! ♪ [ air howling ] [ male announcer ] peppermint that cools as you chew. stimulate your senses. 5 gum. now in micro pack. chase freedom is offering 5% cash back

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♪ >> jimmy: hi there. tonight on our program, a very funny man who you can see hosting the mtv music awards

tomorrow night on mtv, kevin hart is here. and music from a country duo baking their second appearance on our show, this is the new single called "you're all that matters to me." miss willie brown. tomorrow night, the varieties of south park and trey parker will join us. adam scott from parks & recreation will be here and everclear. right now, our first guest could be enjoying a free dessert at applebees. you can see him on the sunset on the 15th and also in niagara falls on the 28th. please welcome one of the funniest men on the planet, mr. bob newhart. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: how are you doing? >> thank you, jimmy. thank you. >> jimmy: it's great to have you here. happy birthday. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how old are you today? >> 83. >> jimmy: 83, that's a good age. >> 83 to me is the new 82. >> jimmy: is that right? do you feel good? >> i feel great. >> jimmy: are you interested in politics. politics really wasn't one of your things? >> no, i never really got into -- well, you lose half the audience. you know, i started in stand-up 52 years ago, and you just -- you lose half the audience, you know. >> jimmy: you take one particular side. >> you leave everybody throughout, you know. >> jimmy: you need them. the reason i asked because your you, your name came up during

the republican national convention last week when clint eastwood began talking to a chair. >> yeah. yeah. my -- i have a twitter account. and my -- >> jimmy: he does, he's not kidding. >> no. and my daughter jennifer, she takes care of it, by the way, thank you very much because you mentioned that i had the twitter account, and it just exploded. it just -- >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah, it went from 10 to 20. >> jimmy: oh really, it doubled then. [ applause ] >> jimmy: my pleasure. >> unbelievable. you know, there would be 1 and then 15 minutes, 45 minutes there would be another one. >> jimmy: yeah. well, you had to get a slot machine. >> yeah, my introduction, you know, to social networking.

>> jimmy: but on twitter, people started going hey, that's bob newhart. >> they thought that clint was doing me because i talk to people who aren't there, in my act. but now at 83, i'm beginning to talk to people who aren't there aside from my act. >> jimmy: see. >> it worries my wife. >> jimmy: have you spoken to clint after that? >> no, no. i thought he was doing jimmy stewart. but it -- it's not easy. it's not an easy thing to do. >> jimmy: no, it's probably the hardest thing there is to do. sit there and beg funny and cal like that. >> i don't know there's any call for it. >> jimmy: i know your sister's a

nun. that's weird for you to go into show business and for your sister to go into nunning or whatever we call it -- >> the nunnery. >> jimmy: did you ever think about becoming a priest? >> no, no. >> jimmy: you did not? >> no, i work clean. a lot of comedians, like jerry seinfeld, jerry and i talked about it, i work clean. i have no problem with, you know, comedians who work blue, funny is funny. >> jimmy: and really there weren't many outlets where you could use -- well, your friend legendary phyllis diller, she was a friend of yours, right? she passed away last month. >> yeah, i got a call from phyl, she was a lovely lady.

>> jimmy: she was, sent christmas cards every year. very funny and dirty. >> she called us one time, i don't know anybody who enjoyed being in front of an audience more than phyllis. she just loved it and did it as long as she could and then she physically could no longer do it. but she called herself, she called my wife ginny and myself up said she's having a party. and i said, phyllis, my sister is here, the nun. >> jimmy: oh, the nun, okay. >> i just said my sister, sister mary jo newhart. she thought i was just stamering. you know. so we took my sister and we went there and introduced phyllis, this is my sister, sister mary

jo newhart. then phyllis got into the bodyiest situation you'd ever want to hear. my wife kept nudging me. i said, phyllis, this is my sister, sister mary jo newhart. and phyllis said, i love it! [ laughter ] >> charles nelson riley who was also there came up to my sister and tried to talk her into leaving the order and running off with him to bora bora. >> jimmy: did it work? >> that was my sister's introduction to hollywood. >> jimmy: yeah, she probably never came back again. now, you are very good friends with a friend of mine, don rickles. the newharts and the rickles go on vacation together. what is that like? what is that like going ton a trip with don rickles? >> well, we have a great time.

he makes me laugh. i make him laugh.the wives get along. we've been doing it for years and years. you've seen don in a casino or nightclub. he's -- >> jimmy: he's a killer. >> he's fantastic. he's 85. runs back and forth on stage. the minute he gets off the stage, he is clueless. [ laughter ] he has no idea. so especially anything electronic. it's just lost on him. >> jimmy: okay. >> so we would travel and i always had the camcorder and i would shoot jennie and barbara and don. and i was never in the pictures. people had to trust that i was on the vacation with them. they never saw me, you know. so we were in milan. and i went to camcorder out, and barbara said, no, no, no.

don knows how to operate the camcorder. he's been taking lessons. and i said, barbara, no, he's going to ruin it. she said, no, no. so don had the camcorder, and barbara and ginny and myself, we'd stand there like idiots. american idiots. hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, milan, hi. because you wave because you want them to know it's video. >> jimmy: yeah, right. [ laughter ] >> it's not a still picture. so, anyway, now, we're walking back to the hotel in lake cuomo, it's beautiful. have you been there? >> jimmy: yeah, i have been there. it's beautiful. >> so it's about a mile away. and there's this beach.

it isn't a sand beach. it's all pebbles. and walking back, i thought, no, i'm not going to ask him. i said, don, you turned off the camcorder, right? he said, what? [ laughter ] >> i said, when you finished shooting us, you turned off the camcorder? you got to turn it off? [ laughter ] >> so this is the film we have -- >> jimmy: oh. this is shot by don rickles. >> this is shot by don. >> jimmy: wow, it is beautiful. you can really see. how long did that go on for? >> well, the whole thing ran about 15 minutes. >> jimmy: i'd love to watch that in its entirety sometime. we're going to take a break.

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>> jimmy: all right. we're back with the great bob newhart. bob, this is the 40th anniversary of the "the bob newhart show" and the 30th anniversary of "newhart." two fantastic shows. i didn't know if the bob newhart show was in black or white or color because i only had a black and white television. we were talking about the spectacular sports coats that you used to wear on that show. >> yeah, well, that was -- my dresser was color blind. >> jimmy: your wardrobe guy, the guy who picked your clothes? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> you know, it's like a pilot who's afraid of heights, you

know? why would you go into that line of work, you know? so we did the show on friday night in front of a live audience. and i always waited until my wife ginny showed up, you know. so she'd come into the dressing room and she'd say to me, you're kidding. she said, you're not going out in that, are you? i'd say, yeah, because i don't know. i was worse than ralph. yeah, ralph, looks great, yeah. so ginny would say -- yeah, he came up with some weird jackets. that's when ginny got stuck in traffic. >> jimmy: when ginny got stuck in traffic, you wound up wearing something strange. now, you're still doing stand-up. and you must love doing it right? >> yeah. it's a narcotic. you know, i mean, i started in 1960 doing it.

i'll always do it. people said, why don't you retire, which i assume is a compliment. [ laughter ] >> you know, it isn't, why don't you retire? but to me it's like sunset boulevard, you know. it's like the alternative would be to sit in a darkened room every day and have eric come in and ask me what episode of the bob newhart show i wanted to watch. i mean, as long as i'm physically able to do it, you know -- there's nothing like -- because you know, there's nothing like the rapport between a stand-up comedian and his audience. it's immediate. it's great. >> jimmy: i'll tell you, i have my comedy album in my car in the cd player and i listen to it all the time, it's fantastic. if you want a chance to see bob

new heart. carmella center on the 15th. and niagara falls on the 28th. and loyola university is opening the newhart family theater which is very nice. >> and, by the way, i should mention that clint eastwood is the mayor, or the former mayor of carmel. >> jimmy: oh, that's right. i hope it's something that you can use. can we reveal the birthday gift? bring it out here, guillermo. i don't know if you have one of these, but we bought you a snowboard. so use it and enjoy it in the best of health. bob newhart, everyone. we'll be right back with kevin hart. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] one try can change everything.

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: we're back. miss willie brown. you know the next guest from "modern family" and "think like a man," tomorrow night, host of the mtv music video awards. please say hello to kevin hart! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> what's up, man? >> jimmy: i'm glad we have you and bob newhart here on the same night. because i know a lot of people confuse you. >> all the time. all the time. he is like, i don't customer, i'm a comedian. i was in the back shaking my

head. i'm like, i'm filthy. >> jimmy: he doesn't mind it. he just doesn't do it himself. >> i thought about my act. i'm filthy. >> jimmy: you've had some year, haven't you? from movies to "modern family," your popularity has exploded? >> yes. it's okay. i'm here. >> jimmy: what do you think happened to you in the last couple of years, all of a sudden, you became this big star? >> well, you know what, people caught up, jimmy. i've always been huge. it took y'all a long time to figure it out. that's all. >> jimmy: there is a learning curve. >> that's it. >> jimmy: you had another big event this year, you got a driver's license. >> well, jimmy, here's the deal, y'all laughing. you have no idea how rough my driving record is. i've never not had a warrant out

for my arrest. i've never known. every time -- i know, i know, my license was suspended but when i get pulled over, i act like it's a surprise every time. hey, sir, you know your license is suspended? what! are you serious right now, because if you are, somebody's getting fired. and i need to know, like, dude do you have any idea how serious this is, mr. hart, it happens. no, it doesn't, not on my watch. >> jimmy: why is your license oftentimes suspended? >> it's a bunch of stuff. hitting old people. i don't know. running red lights. rolling stop signs. speeding, parking in front of hydrants. i'm like superman. like they're not going to touch me. >> jimmy: superman doesn't have a car. >> i'll tell you one thing i did but it was pretty wrong and funny after the fact. i'm in the mall, like the

handicapped spot, i'm just running in there and running back out. i seen this other car and it was about to go, i cut them off. i didn't even look back, because when you're wrong, you don't look at them. i got out the car, and i walk in. i cannot make this up. when i come back out, the car's still there, and a guy -- i can see the wheelchair in the back. he's just looking at me. there was nothing i could say, i just listen. >> jimmy: that's going to be on your reel, as you're welcomed into hell. >> yeah. i just thought making excuses. i lost my sticker. >> jimmy: you're from philadelphia, originally? >> yes, born and raised. >> jimmy: do you live here? >> i just got a house. congratulations. >> not what i was hoping for? >> jimmy: why not. >> because in the contract, i

think the landscapers are taking advantage of me. here's what happened. i love to be honest, all right. i'm getting work on the back of the house, they're doing like the yard and stuff. he's mexican, he always makes it seem like it's the worst thing after, he's like ahh, que. and he tells me we just killed two baby rattlesnakes in your backyard, so naturally, we're going have to build a rattlesnake fence around the yard. i'm gullible. i'm like, what, rattlesnakes, i got rattlesnakes? the mother is back there somewhere. it's like 5 grand. i don't care about the cost. he puts the fence around. two days go by. he comes back, he's like ahh, a

opossum bit through the rattlesnake fence. opossum, like i'm scared. he said you got pence opossums. you got to build a opossum fence to protect the rattlesnake fence so you're good for both. i say cool. dumb, i don't care what it costs. a week goes by, he comes out, ahh, fox jumped over the opossum fences. foxes? i'm the only one on the block with the fox. i get a fox fence to protect the opossum fence on the rattlesnake fence. finally, the first day sitting back there, i get stung in the cheek by a bee. i put in all that money for nothing. >> jimmy: you may need a bee fence. now, this job you have.

it's a big deal, the vmas. it's a big time, people expect something crazy things to happen. oftentimes, things do happen. >> that's where it's supposed to happen. >> jimmy: are you prepared for that? >> yes. that's actually what you want. it's actually me, as a comedian, i thrive off of the 8unknown. i love of the fact that everything stupid that happens on division happens on the vmas. as the host, i'm going to see it. i'm going to pull the junk out, i don't know what i'm going to do. >> jimmy: you have spoken to kanye west and asked him to ask you out in that regard? >> well, here's the thing, me and kanye are friends. i feel like, he wouldn't do it to me. if somebody else does it, i would hype him up. if somebody does something that you don't like, you know the

drill, take it. >> jimmy: who would you like to see perform, anyone? >> i wouldn't want to give up any surprises on the vmas if you're trying to get me to tell you that rehahn that is opening up the show, i don't know. if you think nicki minaj is making a zbevspecial guest appearance, you better ask somebody else. >> jimmy: bob newhart might know. >> you didn't get it from me. no, taylor swift is not doing her new song. >> jimmy: you've got a great lineup. i'm glad we're not going to crack that. >> you're not going to crack this, i'm a vault. >> jimmy: live mtv. we'll be right back with music from miss willie brown.

good morning! wow. want to start the day with something heart healthy and delicious? you're a talking bee... honey nut cheerios has whole grain oats that can help lower cholesterol. and it tastes good? sure does! right... ♪ wow. delicious, right? yeah. it's the honey, it makes it taste so... ♪ well, would you look at the time... what's the rush? be happy. be healthy.

and these are the ones you'll love on a school night. pillsbury crescent dogs with just a few ingredients you have an easy dinner... pillsbury crescent dogs... school night ideas made easy. mom, we're dying. no you're not, you're just hungry. make some totino's pizza rolls. we don't have any! front... left, totino's. [ male announcer ] well done mom! less drama, more fun! totino's pizza rolls. >> jimmy: this is their new single it's called "you're all that matters to me." miss willie brown. ♪

♪ nice truck, nice tan that's what every girl loves but i love my man ♪ ♪ nice legs, nice strut that's what every guy wants but you want what i got ♪ ♪ now i slam that closet and run down the hall jump on the bed and bounce off the wall ♪ ♪ i dance on the floor kick open the door ♪ ♪ when you walk into the room my heart goes boom boom boom boom ♪ ♪ i am the honey you're the bee i am the branch you are the tree ♪ ♪ i am the wave you are the sea yeah, you are everything to me ♪ ♪ i am your sun, you are my sky you are the beauty to my eye you are my wings you make me fly ♪ ♪ to every question you're the why, oh

you're all that matters yeah, you're all that matters ♪ ♪ you're all that matters to me nice touch, nice kiss it's too good to be true when it feels like this ♪ ♪ nice hands, nice guns when it gets this good, babe it must be love ♪ ♪ now i slam that closet and run down the hall jump on the bed and bounce off the wall ♪ ♪ i dance on the floor kick open the door ♪ ♪ when you walk into the room my heart goes boom boom boom boom ♪ ♪ i am the honey you're the bee i am the branch you are the tree ♪ ♪ i am the wave you are the sea yeah, you are everything to me ♪ ♪ i am your sun, you are my sky

you are the beauty to my eye you are my wings you make me fly ♪ ♪ to every question you're the why, oh you're all that matters ♪ ♪ yeah, you're all that matters to me you're all that matters to me ♪ ♪ when two hearts beat together and we move in time and our bodies are in sync and your lips want mine ♪ ♪ don't get much better don't need to dream 'cause when you're right here i got everything ♪ ♪ nice moves, nice show baby they don't make 'em like you no more ♪ m now i slam that closet and run down the hall jump on the bed and bounce off the wall ♪ ♪ i dance on thfl