>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- samuel l. jackson. the cast of "jersey shore." and music from ed sheeran with cleto and the cletones and now, right down santa claus lane here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hello, everyone. how are you?

thank you. it's very nice. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining me. here in los angeles, home of your favorite stars. it's good to have you here. christmas in hollywood is beautiful, isn't it? it reminds me of switzerland. but instead of snow, we have dirty superheroes. we are in the thick of the holiday season. i believe there are only 371 shopping days until next christmas, and this christmas is even sooner than that. it's only six days away. i do the bulk of my shopping online. mostly because of that mariah carey christmas song. they know there are other songs they can play in public, right? mariah carey must have dirt on whoever owns the mall. when you shop online, a lot of places won't give you boxes. baby gap will give you one box for every three items you order. thanks, that's helpful. even when i do have a box, it looks like a wrapped a nerf

football. i need boxes. i like to give a special welcome to the college students watching tv right now instead of studying for their finals. some schools here in l.a. are already off for the holidays. in l.a., we take three weeks off instead of two because that's how long it takes for a nose job to completely heal. the kardashian family released their annual christmas card today. the kardashians don't mail things, they release them. there they are, all in white. it's nice to know what they look like in case you missed the last 250 issues of "in touch" magazine. they chose a surprised look. because that's the only facial expression bruce jenner can make these days. everyone is smiling except for kourtney's husband scott. i don't know if he's upset because he forgot his socks or what's going on. this is pretty funny. i was thinking about santa claus this morning. this santa thing. when you really think about it,

this has to be the biggest, most elaborate prank in the history of the world. it's like we're all in on a huge joke we're playing on kids. and eventually they figure it out and they start lying to their kids, too. it can be awkward when your son or daughter starts asking logical questions about santa claus. and if you're a parent who does find him or herself in that situation, might i suggest that you not use the explanation rapper t.i. gave his son on last night's episode of "t.i. and tiny: the family hustle." >> i'm going to see how much hard work goes into me making my money so i can buy you guys your gifts. right now all you do -- >> santa makes them. >> shush. no, santa just drop the gifts off. i pay for the gifts. santa's elves can't make a play station. they got to buy one. your daddy and momma pay for it to be bought and then we send it to santa. >> but if you pay for it, why do you put it in the closet?

>> why am i going to put in the closet if i want santa to bring it? >> you don't want santa to bring you no more of your gifts? >> it don't matter. >> it's not a perfect system. smart kid. don't get him started on the tooth fairy, that makes no sense either. if you're looking for advice on just about anything, you will not find anyone more full of it than my aunt chippy. we set up an e-mail address at which you the viewer can ask aunt chippy a question. she doesn't have a lot of patient so this will be quick. but it's time now for a special holiday edition of "dear aunt chippy." >> hi, this is aunt chippy answering your holiday e-mail questions. let's see what we've got today. dear aunt chippy. every year around the holidays, i tend to get drunk and sloppy. animal. what is the best way to get throw-up stains out of the couch? throw the [ bleep ] couch out. and if you throw up in my house on my couch, i'll bury you in

the [ bleep ] thing. you're a slob. stay home. if you have a question for me, please e-mail me at dearauntchippy@gmail.com. >> jimmy: i remember when i was a little boy and she used to scream me to sleep. here's a cute christmas story. a 13-year-old girl named mckenna pope from garfield, new jersey did something nice for her brother, gavin. gavin wanted an easy bake oven for christmas, but hasbro only makes them in purple and pink, which to a 4-year-old boy are girl colors. so mckenna created an online petition to ask hasbro to start making them in gender neutral colors. and believe it or not, they listened to her. starting in the fall, there will be a black and silver easy bake oven. and i think that's great. why should girls be the only ones allowed to force their parents to eat disgusting little cakes? this is a crazy commercial. this is a real christmas themed commercial for a funeral home in

guatemala. the funeral home was called funeraria lopez. [ speaking spanish ] ♪ [ speaking spanish ] >> jimmy: i think they just ruined christmas. what the hell was that? and my children are watching right now. i have one request. please make sure that when i go, those are the people who take care of my remains. i would like to be buried in

guatemala. christmas is on tuesday this year, provided, of course, that the world doesn't end on friday. as you're probably aware, this friday, december 21st, is the end of the mayan calendar. some people believe it is also the end of the world. i don't know, as far as i'm concerned, the world ended the night honey boo boo premiered on tlc. [ applause ] there are some believers in this doomsday scenario that think there will be massive earthquakes and floods. others think a planet will collide with the earth. i have a different take. i believe the end of the world will come about in a much stupider way. like joe biden spilling a mountain dew on the nuclear launch panel. and as silly as this all may seem, a worldwide survey shows that one in ten people believe the world is going to end on friday. in china, people are actually selling their possessions. and the weirdest part is they're not selling them to us for a change. one chinese man even designed a survival pod. this is one of the pods, they're

made of steel and fiberglass. they have oxygen tanks and rations on the inside. the inventor says they can hold 14 people comfortably or roughly three american people comfortably. [ laughter ] you can even ram with the a truck if you choose to. didn't one of those kill luke skywalker? if you buy one of these pods you might survive the oakland it have world, but since it's made in china you will also die of lead poisoning. we have quite the program tonight. we have music from grammy nominee, ed sheeran. [ cheers and applause ] his debut album went twofold platinum in the uk. samuel l. jackson and the cast of "jersey shore" are back stage. [ cheers and applause ] i think they're here to promote their new movie "snooki's on a plane." i hope you can read lips,

because most of tonight's show will be bleeped. nothing but jaeger bombs and "f" bombs tonight. i need to ask sam jackson about cursing on "snl" this week. he claims he didn't. everyone else in the world thinks he did. we'll ask him about that. we have never had the entire cast of "jersey shore" here before. we had to get a special permit from the fire martial to have this much hair product in the studio. the series finale of "jersey shore" airs thursday night on mtv. i can't believe it's been six seasons. i can't believe it was even one season, to be honest with you. i've already seen the final episode. i don't want to spoil the ending, but turns out they were dead the whole time. one thing the kids from "jersey shore" never did was a christmas special, so tonight, as a sendoff, we created a christmas special for them. we combined audio from their show with video from the holiday classic "frosty the snowman" and i give you now a new holiday classic from seaside heights. >> i started stripping probably

when i was 22. girls. massages were ten. lap dances were 20. >> mike said you used to be a stripper, so show us what you got. ♪ >> mike is the worst stripper i've seen in my life. >> jimmy: hey, this is -- facebook is rumored to be working on an interesting new idea. they're developing an app, reportedly, that will allow users to send messages, pictures and videos that self-destruct. so after the image or message has been viewed, it destroys itself after, like, ten seconds. it's an interesting idea. in a sense, isn't everything we do on facebook an act of self-destruction? here's a neat tip i learned today. if you drop your phone in the toilet, you can make all your apps self-destruct at once.

a lot of offices are having holiday parties. this week, office holiday parties are a great opportunity to get drunk with people you probably shouldn't get drunk with. which gave us an idea. we went out on to hollywood boulevard today and asked random pedestrians a question. we asked have you ever hooked up on an office holiday party? the way this will work is we will see someone identify him or herself. you will guess if they ever hooked up with a co-worker at an office party. are you ready? let's begin. here we go. >> ashley from l.a. >> have you ever hooked up at an office holiday party? >> jimmy: has ashley from l.a.? all right. everyone says yes. >> i have. >> what happened? >> a lady never kisses and tells. i know, i'm boring. but it was rather enjoyable. i will say that. >> katherine. i'm from vancouver. >> have you ever hooked up at an

office holiday party? >> jimmy: has katherine from vancouver -- do they have office parties in vancouver? let's see. >> no, never have. >> why not? >> because i used to work for my dad. >> that's a very good reason. next? >> christen from thousand oaks, california? >> have you ever hooked up at an office holiday party? >> we have a unanimous vote here. >> yeah, i have. >> what happened? >> what happened? you know what? i probably shouldn't say. i'm married. >> jimmy: it doesn't mean he was married then. who else? >> my name is marina. i'm new york city. brooklyn, rather than -- brooklyn, new york. >> have you ever hooked up at an office holiday party? >> jimmy: hang on. what's happening back there? what's her answer? let's see. >> no. never.

>> nothing under the mistletoe? >> no. >> jimmy: you don't have gladiators walking around in their underparents? and i believe we have one more. >> joseph from hollywood, california. >> have you ever hooked up at an office holiday party? >> jimmy: most say yes. let's see. >> oh yes. >> what happened? >> starbucks has their holiday party at the sheraton. and i ended up making out with my store manager. and that's how i lost my job. >> jimmy: there you go. you are a naughty little elf. every week, we end our monologue -- it's called this week in unnecessary censorship. since 2012 is coming to an end, we thought it would be fun to look back at our favorite bleeps and blurs from last year. here that is now. it's time for "this year in unnecessary censorship."

>> the district attorney's office says she was legitimately hurt on the job, filed for workman's comp and while he was supposed to be at home resting they say he was [ bleep ] like a champion. >> some sad news about a former cast mate of john travolta. [ bleep ] has died. >> i promise you the president has a big [ bleep ]. i promise you. >> i'm getting all [ bleep ]. >> please, god. someone [ bleep ] me before dark. >> novak djokovic is receiving treatment. >> he's too good for you. >> you firing me? >> i will fire you if you don't [ bleep ] me in this ring tonight! >> [ bleep ] sniffing dogs. >> governor romney, you won the toss. you go first. >> [ bleep ] you, bob. >> the first woman governor ever in the state of south carolina.

you can read all about it in her book [ bleep ] is not an option. >> should i make my special announcement that i [ bleep ] with my first black [ bleep ]. >> wow. >> that's it. >> it is one of gale anderson's favorite days of the year. >> she sometimes threatens to lick the [ bleep ]. >> please don't lick the [ bleep ], ma'am. >> if i want to lick a [ bleep ], i will lick a [ bleep ]. i will lick it for you later. >> the blue team is still laboring over the first part of their punishment. >> i'm almost there. >> i'll open my gate so you can move along. but first you have to help me [ bleep ] my [ bleep ]. >> somebody called the police because you were [ bleep ]. >> not first [ bleep ]. >> i didn't say that you were fist [ bleep ]. >> you said [ bleep ] it made it

sound like you said fist [ bleep ]. >> did he cause any damage when he was fist [ bleep ]? >> no, he did not. >> yes, he did. we have a good show. >> jimmy: the cast of "jersey shore" is here. all of them. music from ed sheeran. we'll be back with sam jackson. stick around. [ andy ] i have always loved the cinema.

the story telling... the music. the costume design. filmmaking is my life. [ guy toe ] clarissa, i've always loved you! [ girl toe ] then prove it, marry me! it's a deal! [ kissing noises ] cut. we got it! that's me. and this is my windows phone. [ male announcer ] new windows phone. reinvented around you. ♪ c'mon, michael! get in the game! [ male announcer ] don't have the hops for hoops with your buddies? lost your appetite for romance? and your mood is on its way down. you might not just be getting older.

you might have a treatable condition called low testosterone or low t. millions of men, forty-five or older, may have low t. so talk to your doctor about low t. hey, michael! [ male announcer ] and step out of the shadows. hi! how are you? [ male announcer ] learn more at isitlowt.com. [ laughs ] hey! that's the guy who gets his salsa from new york city. new york city? [ alarm chirps ] [ male announcer ] 'round here, there's only one word for salsa: pace. made the right way for that big bold kick. grab the southwest by the bottle. [ male announcer ] sometimes a man must venture out from the shallow end to find something truly worthy of his search. ♪ inspired by 300 years of tradition. ketel one. gentlemen, this is vodka.

drink responsibly.

>> jimmy: tonight on the program on thursday night, they'll gym, tan and love for the very last time from jersey shore, snooki, ronnie, sammi, jwoww, deena, pauly, vinny, sleepy, dopey, and the situation are here. and then with music from this debut album it went quintuple platinum in the uk. it's called "plus," ed sheeran from the bud light stage. and just as a reminder as long as the world doesn't end on friday or anytime else in the next two weeks our show moves to a new timeslot we move to 11:35 starting january 8th. our guests that night will be jennifer aniston and no doubt. and i'll probably be here too. so please join us. our first guest tonight is a very fine actor who will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger

those who attempt to poison and destroy his brothers, just so you know. he re-teams with quentin tarantino in the new movie "django unchained", which opens in theaters christmas day. >> you need to be on his blind side. huh? >> i said you said you ain't know him. >> i don't. >> yes, you do. >> i don't. >> why is you lying to me? >> i ain't. >> then why is you crying? >> you're scaring me. >> why is i'm scaring you? >> because you're scary. >> jimmy: please say hello to samuel l. jackson. [ cheers and applause ] that's some jacket you got

there. >> thank you very much. >> i'm italian, and when's it's open, it kind of says -- i'm a little bit offended. >> i can hook you up. >> that's a good looking jacket. i can't wait the see this movie. i have to say, i love quentin tarantino. i love you. i see the movie's got 100% positive ratings on rotten tomatoes, which is very rare. >> it's killing it. it's the combination of a spaghetti western. hong kong bullet ballet. it's awesome. and it's a love story. >> jimmy: and a love story, too. there's always something in there. obviously the subject matter is very serious. >> it happens to be a cowboy movie that actually crosses the mississippi during the time when cowboys were shooting people and drawing.

everybody forgets slavery was happening on the east coast. so they crossed the mississippi because django, jamie foxx's character, is trying to find his wife, who was sold away from him during slavery. he's trying to find her. she's on a plantation in mississippi. so they crossed the mississippi and he ends up back in the times of slavery and he has to kind of rescue her from this plantation owned by leonardo dicaprio. >> jimmy: it's weird, because i think of those as two different times, even though yeah -- i guess there was a cross over there. >> pretty much going on at the same time. >> jimmy: that's something. you don't think of it like that. were there dinosaurs at the time? or was that -- >> there were maybe two left. >> jimmy: that was a different time? okay. i want to ask you about "saturday night live" on saturday. you did a guest spot. >> yeah? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and there's some people that believe -- >> it's a rumor. >> jimmy: that you said the "f" word on the show. >> i said half of it. >> jimmy: you maintain that you said half of it. >> i said --

>> jimmy: we're going to have another incident now. let's look at a clip. let's see what the audience thinks. >> we had time. >> i want to thank my guest, the incredible samuel l. jackson. >> [ bleep ]. >> hey, come on! come on, now. [ bleep ] that costs money. >> jimmy: it seemed like keenan thought you said the whole word. >> i got the next whole word out. >> you did. you also got another word in. they didn't show that on the west coast? >> cleto: they -- >> jimmy: they bleeped it out? >> he was supposed to cut me off. >> jimmy: you're saying this was keenan's fault? [ laughter ] >> i'm just saying. i'm used to working with professionals that know their lines. even the ones that are written on cue cards in front of you. >> jimmy: do fans ever ask you

to curse at them? >> all the time. yes, please call me a -- why? dude. it would make my day if you would call me -- >> jimmy: it is kind of exciting when you do curse. i mean, it is. i think it's weird because i think maybe you're known for cursing. >> i've heard that. >> jimmy: more than anyone else. >> why is that? >> jimmy: because you curse all time. >> i haven't said a curse word since i've been out here. >> jimmy: you said a curse word saturday night on "saturday night live." >> half a curse word. oh, you mean the second word. the bull word. yes, i did. i did go all the way with that one. >> jimmy: in front of your daughter would you curse? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yes. always? >> i pretty much talk to her like she was one of my friends. i don't want her to think that people say -- >> jimmy: and did she take that on as well? >> yes. >> jimmy: she did, yes. >> she had some issues with that as a kid.

>> jimmy: and you show up for the parent teacher conference, they go oh, okay, now i got it. >> well, she knew enough to only do it around her friends, but there were instances -- i remember taking her to a wedding in detroit. and this lady had her in her arms and was trying to feed her. and she said you want some of this baby, and zoe said what is that [ bleep ]? and the woman's like -- [ laughter ] and then she actually told her that looks -- and the lady was like oh, my goodness. you know that's sam's kid? oh. >> jimmy: that would explain the whole thing. >> she turned out okay, though. she's good. >> jimmy: what does she do now? >> a freelance producer. she was working at espn. in fact, today she produced and directed and semi wrote this funny or die skit with me and anne hathaway. the sad-off. >> jimmy: do you listen to her when you take direction from her? >> of course. >> jimmy: you do? >> i'm a professional.

she's the director. i show up. she makes sure i'm comfortable. she tells me to do something, i try and do it. >> jimmy: when you work with quentin tarantino -- how many times have you worked together? >> five. >> jimmy: are you able to get a word in when you're working with him? >> actually, i am. >> jimmy: you have? you are? >> i know when he takes a breath and i know when to jump in there. because i've been around him. >> jimmy: you must have a great working relationship to have worked together so many times. >> we do now. when i first meant quentin, i auditioned for "reservoir dogs." it was strange because i was supposed to audition with harvey keitel and tim roth. i get there and it's quentin and his producer lawrence bender. and i don't know him. i'm just an actor auditioning. and when i left the audition, i was like oh, my god. these dudes sucked. so i either looked like i was overacting or my standard to them was really horrible. consequently, i didn't get the job. but i went to the first screening of "reservoir dogs" at sundance. i walked up to quentin and said really loved the movie.

he's like how did you like the guy that got your part? he remembered me. i was like well, i'm sure it would have been a movie with me in it. don't worry, i'm writing something for you. he was in the process of writing "pulp fiction." he sent it to me like a week later. we had dinner and talked. talked hong kong movies, old gangster films. next thing i know we're totally hooked up. >> jimmy: you may be his muse in a way. >> uma is is his muse. >> jimmy: would you be angry with him if he writes a movie and does not include you in it? >> he did. inglorious basterds. >> jimmy: it would have been tough to work you into that one. >> not really. because when he sent me the script and asked me to read it, tell me what i thought, tell him what i thought, i read it, and as the black fresh kid with the girlfriend. so i'm the black french kid? he goes you speak french? well, no, but i'll learn. he's like no, no, no, i really need a real french guy. >> jimmy: wait a minute, you speak french.

le royale with cheese. right? [ applause ] you spoke french for him in his own movie. >> in his own movie. he didn't buy it. so i looked again. i said well, it's kind of like a newsreel. i could be the narrator. do that voice. he was like that would be great. he ended upbringing that up between me and harvey and some other guys. but i did give them a voiceover in there. >> jimmy: you have to be in the movies. it's like a rule. it's bad luck if you're not in the movie. >> that's what happened. >> jimmy: what are you doing for christmas? >> celebrating my birthday friday. >> jimmy: oh nice. happy birthday. [ applause ] >> i'm always home having fun. i got some tickets to the laker game from magic last night. >> jimmy: oh really, nice. going to go see the lakers. on christmas day. >> jimmy: try not to curse on that broadcast. >> i will do my best.

>> jimmy: it's great to have you here. congratulations on the movie. it's called "django unchained." comes out on christmas day. samuel l. jackson, everyone. we'll be right back with the cast of "jersey shore." be positive, yet firm.

we need to leave our contract plan and make the move to net10 wireless. what??? oh nice, let's just have our calls drop all the time. net10 uses the same cell towers as the top carriers, but for half of what we pay now. half? don't worry. confusion is normal. but, i... it's better this way. but what if...what if... shhh... welcome to the next generation of family plans. fifty dollars the first line, 40 dollars each new line with unlimited everything. visit net10wireless.com ♪ [ snoring ] [ male announcer ] zzzquil™ sleep-aid. [ snoring ] [ snoring ] [ male announcer ] it's not for colds. it's not for pain. it's just for sleep. [ snoring ] [ male announcer ] because sleep is a beautiful thing™. [ birds chirping ] zzzquil™. the non-habit forming sleep-aid from the makers of nyquil®.

♪

starting january 8th watch "jimmy kimmel live" at 11:35. music from no doubt and brad paisley and bruno mars. we're at walmart with the simmons family. how much is your current phone bill? four sixteen seventy six a month! okay, come with me -- we're gonna save you money. with straight talk at walmart, you get unlimited talk, text and data for only $45 a month per phone. would we get the same coverage? same coverage on america's best networks. you saved $146.76 by switching to straight talk. awesome! now you can afford to share your allowance with me. get the season's hottest smartphones like the samsung galaxy s2 and get straight talk with unlimited data for just $45 a month -- from america's gift headquarters. walmart. ♪

real pork meat bathed in bbq sauce. mcrib, the one and only way to satisfy your craving. more flavor to love. ♪ ♪[music plays]♪ ♪[music plays]

trust duracell to power their donated toys? duralock power preserve. it locks in power for up to 10 years in storage. guaranteed. duracell with duralock. trusted everywhere. the story telling... the music. the costume design. filmmaking is my life. [ guy toe ] clarissa, i've always loved you! [ girl toe ] then prove it, marry me! it's a deal! [ kissing noises ] cut. we got it! that's me. and this is my windows phone. [ male announcer ] new windows phone. reinvented around you. ♪

we are back. >> jimmy: on thursday night, america's tanning beds will ceremonially dim their lights in tribute to our next guests as "jersey shore" ends its six year run on mtv. please say hello to ronnie, sammi, jwoww, deena, pauly, vinny, mike, and snooki the cast of "jersey shore." plpz -- ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, everybody. this feels like a graduation of kids who never actually went to school. i miss you guys already, i have to say. it's unbelievable. it went by like that, didn't it? >> it really did. >> four years.

>> what's ironic is the world is ending and "jersey shore" is ending. >> jimmy: i don't think that's a coincidence. i don't think those are two unrelated incidents. it seems like it. you guys lived together. well, snooki, you had a baby. >> yeah. [ applause ] >> jimmy: have any of your friends changed the baby? >> changed him? no. >> i changed him. >> okay, deena has. >> oh, i didn't? >> okay. >> i didn't. >> jimmy: are you keeping an eye on the baby or is he just being changed by others? >> oh no, they come in, see lorenzo, but i love him to death. he's my life. and, you know, i take care of my kid. >> jimmy: i would hope so. do you guys think snooki is a good mother so far? >> she is amazing. >> jimmy: you are an amazing mother. >> i try. >> jimmy: well, nice. good. that's great. i think that surprises a lot of people. doesn't surprise me because i had that sense that you would be a good mother. >> well yeah. because you know me.

>> jimmy: i do know you. >> everyone else doesn't know me. >> jimmy: i feel like i know all of you. i think i know you the best of all, though. >> that's because we have a crush on each other. >> that's right. we do have a mutual crush on each other. might be my baby, for all we know. jenni, you're engaged now. snooki, you're engaged. [ applause ] will everyone be in your weddings? will the whole gang be in the weddings? >> of course. >> jimmy: will anyone be excluded from the wedding party? >> i don't think so. >> jimmy: that's nice. >> we'll see. >> jimmy: you'll see. will it be a televised wedding? >> i hope so. >> jimmy: will there be a bachelorette party? >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you feel like you really need a bachelorette party at this point? >> yes. >> there's going to be giraffes and monkeys and everything. >> jimmy: a safari. will you guys be part of the bachelorette party? will they be involved? >> mike will be the stripper. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: you have stripping experience. that was a revelation. sammi and ronnie, are you guys together right now? did you break up in the green room? >> right now we are together. >> it's still early, though. >> jimmy: are you getting along? >> we actually moved in together. we've lived together for like three months now. >> jimmy: oh wow. without anybody else? >> without anybody and without the camera. >> jimmy: vinny, are you guys still together? what's going on with you guys? >> he's expecting. >> jimmy: i think this is a great idea. i don't know if you came up with this or someone else did, that you would potentially be the bachelor. that would be a good thing, wouldn't it? >> i would love that. that would be a good idea. >> i would have to screen all the females. >> jimmy: you would be the bachelor's assistant? i think that would be a lot of fun. i really do. >> very entertaining. >> jimmy: is there any chance we can get the hot tub into the smithsonian? it seems like -- i have some

questions i want to ask you guys. throw at the group. because you have -- there are a lot of you and you have been together for so long. thinking back on the first day that you met, what were your impressions of one another? >> oh god. >> well, i walk into the house and i saw mike. i'm like why does this kid keep lifting up his shirt without talking? i look at vin, i'm like why does he have sunglasses on in the house? i see paulie, and i'm like, oh, my god. >> jimmy: that's a good summary. >> i walked in and all them knew each other. i was like i'm going to try and really be cool. and they all hated me. >> definitely made a first impression. >> jimmy: you had trouble, as i recall, staying on your feet and staying conscious. >> yeah. it was a rough first night. >> jimmy: is that still going on? >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: you went through rehab and everything. you ever pull deena aside and say all right, enough with this. it's time to grow up? >> no, i am grown up. >> jimmy: no, not really.

[ laughter ] >> i am! >> jimmy: you're three and a half feet tall. how grown up can you be? >> that's true. but on the show, i really just -- i like to have fun and i like to drink and that's what i do on the shore. but when i'm home -- >> jimmy: it's different? >> yeah. at home, i'm more of like a home body type girl. >> jimmy: maybe you should drink more at home so you don't get so hammered when you go on the shore. >> i know. everybody thinks i'm such a drunk. what the heck? >> jimmy: aside from snooki, who's a mom now, who has changed the most since this began? >> i think we all did. >> jimmy: all of you? >> i'm sure we all changed in certain ways. but at the end of the day, who doesn't change in three or four years, you know? >> jimmy: who's changed the least? >> mike's still a douche. >> wait, wait. i didn't get it. >> jimmy: i think vinny has changed the least, i have to say. >> really? >> jimmy: you seem like you're

pretty much the same as when you went into this. >> yeah. definitely. >> jimmy: you have the same haircut, right? >> my hair grew a little bit. >> he got a beard now. >> jimmy: congratulations on that. >> a tattoo. and i got my first rolex. >> jimmy: now that the show is done, will you guys finally admit that no one was ever actually working at that stupid t-shirt shop? >> no! >> that's the thing, we did have to work. >> four-hour shifts. >> $200 a week. >> jimmy: four days a week, four-hour shifts like that's a lot? >> it was really hot. >> they had dragon flies this big in there. >> we can go back there and work. >> jimmy: right. just what you want. >> our show is cancelled.

>> jimmy: we put something together -- you ever see the movie "animal house"? they kind of tell you what went on. and you guys have all changed so we put together -- i won't call this a retro spective. it's a futurespective. >> uh-oh. >> get the [ bleep ] off. >> you can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to somebody who looks like rambo? >> what the hell? let's be honest. does that turn you on? >> no! >> go enjoy your [ bleep ] life.

>> i will. >> watch your step. >> jimmy: there you go. congratulations. thank you guys for coming. the series finale of "jersey shore" is thursday night at 10:00 on mtv followed by the live reunion show. thank you guys for being here. we'll be right back with ed sheeran. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by bud light. here we go. [ woman ] weighing myself in times square

is a little frightening. i weigh myself naked. can i take my clothes off, too? [ woman ] oh, i don't want to look. ♪ [ woman ] let's get it over with. ♪ satisfaction! satisfaction! pizzazz! pizzazz!

confidence. i like it! joy! [ female announcer ] tell us... what will you gain when you lose? [ female in♪ ducing tell us... grey goose cherry noir ♪ ♪ ♪ for their annual football trip. that's double miles you can actually use. tragically, their buddy got sacked by blackouts. but it's our tradition! that's roughing the card holder. but with the capital one venture card you get double miles you can actually use. [ cheering ] any flight, anytime.

the scoreboard doesn't lie. what's in your wallet? hut! i have me on my fantasy team. get $100 off any 4g lte tablet when you buy any smartphone. and get a tablet data plan starting at just $10/mo. no sharing required. hurry into a sprint store or visit sprint.com/tabletoffer today.

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series sponsored by bud light. to stream off air performances and other music videos go to jimmykimmellive.com. get the new jimmy kimmel app at

the app store. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ time for citi price rewind. because your daughter really wants that pink castle thing. and you really don't want to pay more than you have to. only citi price rewind automatically searches for the lowest price. and if it finds one, you get refunded the difference.

just use your citi card and register your purchase online. have a super sparkly day! ok. [ male announcer ] now all you need is a magic carriage. citi price rewind. start saving at citi.com/pricerewind. citi in♪ ducingd. grey goose cherry noir ♪ ♪ ♪

real people with our new 15 under $15 menu. oh my goodness... oh my gosh, this looks amazing... [ male announcer ] 15 entrees under $15. it's our new maine stays! like chicken with wine sauce or bacon wrapped shrimp. try 15 under $15 and sea food differently.

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series sponsored by bud light. >> jimmy: his debut album is called "plus" here with his grammy nominated song "the a team" from england ed sheeran. [ applause ] ♪ white lips pale face breathing in snowflakes burnt lungs sour taste ♪ ♪ light's gone day's end struggling to pay rent long nights strange men ♪ ♪ and they say she's in the class a team stuck in her daydream been this way ♪

♪ since eighteen but lately her face seems slowly sinking ♪ ♪ wasting crumbling like pastries and they scream ♪ ♪ the worst things in life come free to us ♪ ♪ 'cause we're just under the upper hand and go mad for a couple grams ♪ ♪ and she don't wanna go outside tonight ♪ ♪ and in a pipe she flies to the motherland or sells love to another man it's too cold outside ♪ ♪ for angels to fly angels to fly ♪ ♪ ripped gloves raincoat tried to swim and stay afloat ♪ ♪ dry house wet clothes ♪ loose change bank notes

weary-eyed dry throat ♪ ♪ call girl no phone ♪ and they say she's in the class a team stuck in her daydream been this way since ♪ ♪ eighteen but lately her face seems slowly sinking wasting ♪ ♪ crumbling like pastries and they scream the worst things in life come free to us ♪ ♪ 'cause she's just under the upper hand and go mad for a couple of grams ♪ ♪ but she don't want to go outside tonight ♪ ♪ and in a pipe she flies to the motherland and sells love to another man ♪ ♪ it's too cold outside for angels to fly an angel will die covered in white ♪ ♪ closed eyed and hoping for a

better life this time will fade out tonight ♪ ♪ straight down the line ♪ straight down the line and they say she's in the class a team stuck in her daydream ♪ ♪ been this way since eighteen but lately her face seems slowly sinking ♪ ♪ wasting crumbling like pastries they scream the worst things in ♪ ♪ life come free to us and we're all under the upper hand and go mad for a ♪ ♪ couple grams and we don't want to go outside tonight ♪ ♪ and in the pipe fly to the motherland or sell love to another man it's too cold outside ♪

♪ for angels to fly angels to fly ♪ ♪ fly for angels to fly to fly to fly for angels to die ♪ [ cheers and applause ]