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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  January 23, 2013 11:35pm-12:22am PST

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show. i'm glad you're enthusiastic, because there's a lot going on around here this week. tonight naomi watts is here. from "girls," allison williams is here. we have music from gin wigmore. tomorrow night, make sure to watch the show live tomorrow night, because for the first time in ten years, matt damon will be my guest. [ cheers and applause ] you may know matt as the least talented member of the cast of "ocean's 11." [ laughter ] had a hard time squeezing him into the show since 1993, but tomorrow night, it happens. the garfunkel to ben affleck's simon, matt damon will be here. and i promise it will be a night to remember. we have some very special plans for that. there's a big announcement for the american military today. defense seg tear l defense secretary leon panetta has decided to lift the ban on women in combat. i think that's great. this is a sign that -- [ cheers and applause ] we've really advanced as a
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nation. now women can fight for honor on the field of battle and on "the bachelor." [ laughter ] the story is already been made into an academy award nominated movie by kathryn bigelow. they would come up with different classifications, which minimized their sacrifices, but the government didn't change anything because ultimately a lot of people are uncomfortable with the idea of women getting wounded and killed on the battlefield. what finally convinced the joint chiefs of staff to reverse that ideology was this. [ screaming ] look out, al qaeda. [ cheers and applause ] the regulations are in order for justin bieber -- justin bieber just surpassed lady gaga as the most followed person on twitter.
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justin now has 33,410,000, 28,000 more than lady gaga. if you want to confuse your grandfather, wake him up right now and scream bieber beat gaga on twitter. he'll think you're possessed. [ laughter ] justin bieber reminds me a lot of myself at that age. [ laughter ] except instead of 33 million followers, it was two followers. instead of twitter followers, it was followers -- it was employees of a comic bookstore following me to make sure i didn't steal anything. lady gaga was very gracious in defeat. she congratulated justin, but has vowed to do whatever it takes to win back the lead, even if it means she has to do something completely crazy, like putting on some normal clothes and walking around. if you watched our show last night, you know that i challenged julie bowen from "modern family" to a foot race. she's a runner and she got a little bit mouthy about that. i challenged her to run around
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the block, and here's how that went. >> god! oh, stairs are bad. jimmy! wait! wait! wait! >> jimmy: that's how you work off a hot pocket. never look back. [ applause ] i think most of my co-workers thought i would lose that race. in fact, all but about three of my co-workers thought i would lose that race. we have some job openings around here. but the winner of the race -- the winner got to take over the loser's twitter account for 24 hours, so instead of working today, i spent the whole day sending tweets from what appeared to be julie bowen. i started at noon. i think i sent about 30 or 40 tweets out. here are some of the things julie's followers think she said today. hi, i'm julie, i'm a star, so y'all best treat me that way, no scrubs. [ laughter ] why do people like justin bieber? the only thing worse than his music are his fans.
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that could be deadly. hey, tom cruise, do you like me on "modern family"? fingers crossed. acting is so easy. and you make so much money. sorry, courteney cox, you're not all that, i am, #thefuture. gotta admit, i don't miss dear abbey even a little. she's the one that said it. technically, she said it. but anyway, that's what she gets for daring to go foot-to-foot with me. by the way, i would like to extend this challenge to any cast member of "modern family". if you can beat me, you can tweet me. but if not, you're going to get bowened. [ cheers and applause ] we thought of a fun twitter-based game today.
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pick two people on twitter and guess which one of them has more followers. you want to play this? all right, here we go. you don't have a choice. all right, let's start with julie. who has more followers, julie bowen or julia louis dreyfus? guess? julie bowen has 229,000. julia louis dreyfus 98,406. all right. [ applause ] who has more, stephen hawking or stephen baldwin? let's see. oh, hawking. thank goodness. who has more, snoop dogg or dog the bounty hunter? snoop dogg, not even a question. snoop dogg has ten million. all right, who has more, star jones or starbucks? that is correct. starbucks has 3.3 million followers. who's following star jones, by
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the way? who has more, joe biden or joe rogan? >> joe rogan! >> well, there we go. joe rogan has twice as many followers as the vice president of the united states. who has more, ryan seacrest or ryan gosling? seacrest wins handily. he has 8.7 million. but ryan gosling has far smokier eyes, in my opinion. who has more, al roker or al jazeera? al jazeera does have more followers than al roker. who has more, dr. oz or dr. dre? dr. oz wins here. two and a half million for dr. oz. all right, who has more, larry king or queen latifah? this is royalty we're talking about. this goes to -- well, let's see.
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queen latifah four million. one more. who has more followers, pit bull or michael vick? [ laughter ] well, pit bull has 8.4 million. michael vick 1.7. so the dog wins. congratulations. around 2/3 of the country are suffering from freezing cold temperatures right now. scientists say it's due to a strange phenomenon called january. [ laughter ] new england and wisconsin got down to zero degrees today. in minnesota, it's negative 40 tonight. i have a pretty simple rule about this sort of thing. if it gets down to negative 40, move. i move. it was also very cold in toledo this morning. around 19 degrees. a local reporter at the nbc affiliate there went out to cover the cold and he conducted an interesting experiment, which earned him tonight's award for excellence in recordinporting.
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>> this actually isn't hot coffee. it's hot water i picked up at the gas station. let's see if question make any snow. see if it's cold enough for this to happen. hopefully i didn't leave this in the truck too long. oh, yeah, that didn't work. [ applause ] >> jimmy: most of the country is freezing right now. but it wasn't perfect here in l.a. today. when i was roller blading to work this morning, i totally got brain freeze. it was 80 degrees today. it has to be warm here. if it drops below 60, the collagen in our cleelebrities' fras faces will freeze. >> 38 below. that was the low today in northern minnesota. >> an arctic assault on the midwest. >> winter storm watches are in place. >> everyone is freezing big-time this morning. >> 25 degrees below zero.
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>> the coldest afternoon in four years here in the twin cities. >> beautiful day in los angeles and all the way across clear skies. >> the cold coming with it. >> 54 below zero. >> 16 degrees below zero. >> it's warmer in alaska right now than it is here. >> we are experiencing some wonderful weather here in southern california. >> frostbite is possible in less than ten minutes. >> five below in the philadelphia area. >> the wicked wind destroyed the roof of the silver dome. >> it was just a gorgeous day today. we had record heat. >> things are only going to be getting worse. >> dress in layers. >> you've got to wear the layers. >> it's so cold, my eyelids froze shut in my run this morning. >> 59 only on sunday, so that is brr. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: don't worry. i'm sure we'll have an
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earthquake soon and everyone won't be happy. coming up, we'll have a sneak peek at the interview with manti te'o. plus more with naomi watts, allison williams, and gin wigmore. foot?" r ask somebody to lend a "who thinks about stuff like that?" "vince mahe grew up on two continents... and noticed that wherever you go, people have their hands full, but their feet free." "the result? a liftgate you operate with your foot." "code name?" "open sesame" "the all new twenty thirteen ford escape. it's what happens when you go further." you may be muddling through allergies. try zyrtec-d®. powerful relief of nasal congestion and other allergy symptoms -- all in one pill. zyrtec-d®. at the pharmacy counter. okay, think courage. think shaun white.
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>> jimmy: hi, everybody. welcome back. naomi watts, allison williams, and music from gin wigmore are still to come. katie couric has a big interview with notre dame linebacker manti te'o tomorrow. he's a college football player who apparently got fooled into thinking he was in a relationship with a girl he met online. he was told the girl died of leukemia in september, but it turned out she never existed. it was a prank. so in the past week, lance armstrong has admitted to doping
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and manti te'o has now admitted to being a dope. [ laughter ] the ruse went on for a couple of years. that to me is sad. if he wanted to date someone fake, you just should have come to l.a. we've got millions of fake women. [ cheers and applause ] eventually they learned the truth, but he continued to lie presumably because he was too embarrassed to tell the truth. why do i get the feeling that we're going to find out in the next few days that manti te'o isn't even real. katie couric scored the first on-air interview. based on the promo they released, it looks like it's going to be good. >> thursday, notre dame star manti te'o, his first television interview over the online relationship scandal. >> didn't you say things that weren't true? >> i wasn't as forthcoming as i should have been. >> at some point did you just feel like i'm in this too deep? >> was he the victim of an elaborate hoax? exclusively on "katie." or is it? >> you stuck to the script and
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you knew that something was amiss, manti. >> put yourself in my situation. >> are you that naive? >> tomorrow on "katie or keith." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: definitely not a keith. that could be a new game for us. i do feel bad for manti. this has been extreme embarrassing. what do you do, do you tell the truth and wait it out and hope it goes away? most importantly, when it does come out in the wash, what product do you wipe it up with? >> you'll be using this towel every time to wipe away your shame. shame wow wipes away your shame just like that. lied about doping and threw everybody that cared about you under the bus? shame wow. the shame is gone. shame wow works for any shame,
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any time. lip-synch the national anthem? knocked up the maid? exposed your crown jewels? ten-week marriage? sorry for party rocking? don't be. shame wow has you covered. shane wow even works if you get caught with a prostitute. but don't take my word for it, take it from tiger. shame wow, just buy one. order today. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: now, i've been reading a lot about the manti te'o story. i know nothing about what happened in benghazi, but this i know every detail. what happened to him isn't an isolated incident. there's even a name for it based on a movie that turned into a tv show on mtv. they call it catfishing, when you pretend to be someone online and you trick a person into falling in love with you. it's happening more and more and it needs to stop. people tend to believe what they want to believe. when you find out something like this isn't true, it can be very hurtful, so that's why we've
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taken matters into our own hands by putting together this brief, but effective instructional video to ensure that no one watching this show tonight ever gets te'oed again. >> how to tell if your girlfriend is real. first, try giving her flowers. if they fall to the ground, chances are she's not real. next, introduce her to your friends. if they can't see her -- >> so where's your girl? >> is she running late? >> she's right here and her name is denise. >> not real. >> yes, i know. they're usually not this rude. >> next, lean in to kiss your girlfriend. if you end up planting one on a hobo, she's not real. and finally, when you call your girlfriend on the telephone -- >> hi, i need to speak with denise. >> and her voice sounds like this -- >> hi, this is denise. >> denise?
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are you okay? >> i'm a little hoarse. i just got out of the shower. >> you guessed it -- not real. with these simple tests, you'll know if your gal pal is real or imaginary. now go make babies. >> you bet we will. >> jimmy: they'll have beautiful children. tonight, from "girls," allison williams is here. we have music from gin wigmore. and woel be right back with music from naomi watts. so stick around.
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>> jimmy: tonight on the program, what a great-looking show we have for you tonight. from the "girls" on hbo, allison williams is here. and then with music from her album, called "gravel & wine", all the way from new zealand, gin wigmore is here. we've got an interesting show for you tomorrow night too. our guest tomorrow night for the first time ever, is matt damon. unless pauly d and the situation come through. we're waiting to hear back. that should be fun. i can't wait to hear all the hilarious stories about that zoo he bought. [ laughter ] our first guest is, at this very moment, an oscar-nominated actor. her new movie is called "the impossible". it is the true story of a terrible tidal wave, and is in theaters now. please say hello to naomi watts.
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♪ >> jimmy: how you doing? >> good. how are you? >> i'm doing well. it's great to see you. you look fantastic. as usual. >> thank you. >> jimmy: congratulations on your oscar nomination, by the way. >> i was very pleased, thank you. >> jimmy: what a good movie, too. we'll talk about that a little bit later. for me personally, very scary. because i was -- well, i was in the tidal wave, it turned out to be about this big. but i didn't know it was going to be that big and they evacuated me from a hotel. >> wow. so you must have been very scared. >> jimmy: i'm always very scared. but yeah, i was even more scared than i usually am. >> did this movie bring up
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some -- >> jimmy: yeah, you know, i have to say i was worried about watching it because i didn't -- i have dreams, recuring nightmares about tidal waves. >> about -- >> jimmy: not about that one. by the way, that doesn't look good when you do that. somebody's gonna snap a still photograph. this guy right here. he's going to snap a still photograph. it's no good. it's a long story. i'll save it for my therapist. but the oscars are right across the street from us here at the kodak theatre. >> right. >> jimmy: who will you take to the oscars? >> liev. >> jimmy: your very gifted partner. can you say boyfriend at this point in time? >> it's weird. we're not married, but we're together. we have children. we live together. >> jimmy: yeah, all the stuff. >> yeah, all the stuff. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and he, by the way -- i saw you guys at the kennedy center honors in washington,
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d.c. >> yeah, i saw you. you were brilliant. >> jimmy: you were honoring dustin hoffman. but he imitated dustin hoffman and i think it was one of the best imitations i've ever seen. >> he has unbelievable abilities with his voice. >> jimmy: he does other people as well? >> he does christopher walken, sean connery, i'm sure he could do you. >> jimmy: that would be great. no one ever does me. guillermo does me. do a little bit of your imitation of me, guillermo. >> well, tomorrow we have matt damon. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's a master of voices. >> i try. >> jimmy: very well-done. last time you were here, we talked about your mother, who seems like a very interesting woman. does she live here with you? where does she live? >> she lives in a lot of different countries, actually.
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>> jimmy: really? >> she lives in england, france, and australia. she has a good life. >> jimmy: is she running from the law or something? [ laughter ] why so many countries? >> yeah, she gets bored easily. she likes to absorb cultures. >> jimmy: she just keeps moving around? does she spend a lot of time with you guys? >> yeah, she does. she comes and sees the grandkids. >> jimmy: does she bother you, like with the oscars, will she say hey, i'd like to go to that too? >> yeah. yeah, yeah. she'll be here. >> jimmy: oh, she will be here? >> yeah. >> jimmy: so you will bring her with you? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how do you get extra tickets to the oscars? >> are you short? no, it's not easy, actually. it's a hot ticket. >> jimmy: do you have to buy them or do they just say okay, yeah, you can have them. >> there's lotteries. there's purchasing. there's all kinds of ways. >> jimmy: really? scalpers outside? >> i don't know about that.
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>> jimmy: do you have any idea how much you would have to pay for a ticket like this? >> you'll have to check out somebody else on that one. >> jimmy: will you make your mother pay for her own ticket? >> no! she doesn't even pay for her air tickets. >> jimmy: oh, she doesn't? she's a free loader, is me? [ laughter ] this movie is based on a true story about a family. and the family goes on vacation in thailand. and you play the woman who went on vacation, and you actually brought your family to thailand to shoot the movie. >> yep. >> jimmy: which seems like a terrible idea to me. >> we were staying in the exact same hotel, we were filming there where they stayed. they had to rebuild the bungalows that were washed away and may never put them back. >> jimmy: did that make you nervous? >> no, not really. >> jimmy: i would be convinced that that was -- that it would just happen, because it just seems like -- >> it would follow you. >> jimmy: and then they'd be
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making a movie about that movie you were supposed to be making about the people. [ laughter ] it's just too perfect, you know? >> yeah. >> jimmy: did the kids like thailand? >> they loved it. they would go to the beach every day and play with hermit crabs, collect them, bucket loads of them. >> jimmy: i would have stayed at a hilton 30 miles inland. there would have been no beach. >> then what's the point? >> jimmy: exactly. [ laughter ] do they eat the food there? >> oh yeah, yeah. sasha, myldest son has the most sophisticated palate for a 5-year-old. jim y >> jimmy: what will he eat? >> he has literally taken oyster from the sea and shucked it. >> jimmy: what is he, a turtle? [ laughter ] >> that was his first word, actually. >> jimmy: turtle was? maybe i've hit on something. >> he'll eat anything. he calls himself a carnivore. definitely not an herbivore.
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>> jimmy: where did he learn that word? >> he's into dinosaurs. >> jimmy: that's something else. kids don't usually go for that stuff. i had to bribe my children. like i'll pay you $10 to eat this clam. >> liev does that. and he doesn't pay up. >> jimmy: we're going to take a quick break. if you're scare of tidal waves, turn the television off, because when we come back, we'll see the movie "the impossible." more with naomi watts when we return. ♪ i -- i got it, i got it made
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[ rumbling ] >> dad! >> jimmy: oh boy. [ cheers and applause ]
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"the impossible." it is in theaters now. it's an excellent movie. and that's terrifying. that really is. were you scared at all while you were there? >> in thailand? like when i was filming -- >> jimmy: at all. >> well, there's lots of scary things in thailand. poisonous bugs. >> jimmy: oh great. >> snakes. >> jimmy: did you see any of this stuff? >> yeah. actually, we were staying in this little kind of villa, and before you would go in, you would take off your shoes and lay them in the basket. >> jimmy: oh no. [ laughter ] >> we had two different incidents. and one of them was i came out and there was a snake coiled up in my ballet slipper. and i saw it. and it had those bright colors that you know are just bad. poisonous. >> jimmy: wow. >> i saw it and i went oh! i saw one of the housekeepers
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close by. i said excuse me, could you tell someone and get them to remove it. and she came up and went ah! and screamed. went go inside, lock the door. as if locking the door was going to -- >> jimmy: snakes are notorious lock pickers. a snake with a key. [ laughter ] lock the door. >> i know, bizarre. >> jimmy: did you see another snake? >> no, not a snake. this was a frog, actually. and frogs are also poisonous over there. >> jimmy: oh, my god, everything is poisonous over there. >> yeah, it's sort of like australia. nothing's cute. there is lots of cute things. >> jimmy: even they are poisonous. >> so this was a frog and it was in liev's shoe. >> jimmy: oh no. what? >> you can't really see in a sneaker, your jogging shoe. you just put it on your foot. >> jimmy: and he did? >> and he did.
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and for probably the most masculine man i've ever laid eyes on, i've never heard such a -- you know, a girly sound. >> jimmy: oh really? >> sorry, honey. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe you can do that for us also. wow. in a lot of the movie, you're kind of being tossed around by water. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how did they do that? was that really happening? >> oh yeah. we were roped into these giant flower pots and we were going up and down a track. they had water coming against us, water behind us, side pumps. >> jimmy: did you have to swim? >> no, we were anchored into these flower pots. you would hook your legs in, so you could use your arms and stuff. >> jimmy: this sounds like a terrible shooting experience. >> yeah, it was pretty full-on. it was definitely the most physically demanding thing i've ever done. and emotionally. >> jimmy: maybe a nice romantic comedy the next time around would be good. >> that would be good. >> jimmy: but the movie came out
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great. it really did. if you have the stomach for that sort of thing, take a look at it. it's called "the impossible." it is in theaters now. naomi watts, everyone. we'll be right back with allison williams. what's better? faster or slower? [ all kids ] faster! ok, what's fast? um, my mom's car and a cheetah. okay. a spaceship. a spaceship. and what's slow? my grandma's slow. would you like it better if she was fast? i bet she would like it if she was fast. hm, maybe give her some turbo boosters. tape a cheetah to her back. tape a cheetah to her back? seems like you have thought about this before. [ male announcer ] it's not complicated. faster is better. and the iphone 5 downloads fastest on at&t 4g. ♪
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>> jimmy: our next guest is a very talented young actress on a very funny young show. the golden globe-winning "girls" airs sunday nights at 9 on hbo. please welcome allison williams. how are you? >> i'm very well, thank you for having me. >> jimmy: it's great to see you. i love the show, as you know. as i've told you previously. it's a great show.
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[ applause ] for those of you don't know, most people probably do know, but your dad is a very famous guy. your dad is montel williams. >> it's true. it's true. >> jimmy: brian williams, nbc news. >> that would be awesome. it would be the best. >> jmy

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