tonight, matt damon... matt damon... musical guest, matt damon. ♪ duh, duh-duh-duh ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel sucks!" and now, finally... matt damon! [ cheers and applause ] [ up-tempo music plays ] yeah! [ music ends ] yeah! thank you! thank you! wow! [ cheers and applause continue ] thank you so much. thank you so much. wow! thank you. hey, everybody!

[ cheers and applause ] welcome to tonight's episode of "jimmy kimmel sucks!" [ laughter ] i am your host, matt damon. [ cheers and applause ] hey, just for starters, let me ask you guys this. as an audience, is it weird to see a person with actual talent host this show? [ laughs ] i'm very excited to be here, obviously. jimmy has bumped me from his show 1,205 times. for 10 years, every night i wait in that green room. and every night, kimmel says, "apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time." i've been waiting for this moment for a long, long time. this is like when i lost my virginity. except this is gonna last way longer than one second. [ laughter ]

[ cheers and applause ] you know, every time i got bumped off this show, it left a mark. but if you bump a man long enough, a night will come when he bumps you back. and tonight is that night, my friends. i am in command of this ship. [ cheers and applause ] tonight... tonight, good triumphs over evil. i am luke skywalker... and kimmel is the death star -- big and round and easily destroyed through his garbage hole. [ laughter ] look at him over there. look at jimmy over there with the gag in his mouth. you've never been funnier, my friend. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] just, uh -- jimmy kimmel is to late-night talk-show hosts what magic johnson is to...

late-night talk-show hosts. hey, jimmy, did you hear the joke about lindsay lohan? because i have. 1,205 times. but i've never hosted a talk show before, so some of you might be wondering what makes me qualified to fill in tonight. i'll tell you. for "courage under fire," i lost 40 pounds. for "the bourne identity," i learned the martial arts. in "we bought a zoo," i had sex with an ostrich. [ laughter ] so, i mean, i think i can do this. i mean, how hard can it be to read from cue cards anyway? look, i got this great audience, right? [ cheers and applause ] yeah! yeah! we got this great studio. [ cheers and applause ] actually -- actually, to be fair, this is smaller than i thought it would be.

but, hey, i bet jimmy gets that a lot. [ rimshot ] now, i am gonna be making a few changes tonight because i think you people deserve the best show possible. [ cheers and applause ] right? so let me start with, uh... with you. hi, guillermo. hi, mr. matt damon. [ laughter ] don't "mr. matt damon" me. you're kimmel's sidekick. you're probably just gonna go over there and untie him the minute i turn my back. no, no. i don't like jimmy. he's a dumbass. [ laughter ] so you're gonna be loyal to me now? yes, my lord. i'm sorry, guillermo. i just -- i just can't believe that. buenas noches, my friend. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, i took the liberty of hiring my own guillermo. so please welcome legendary actor andy garcia. [ cheers and applause ]

hello, andy. [ as guillermo ] hello, mr. matt damon. [ laughter ] are you prepared to be my faithful sidekick? sí. i brought my taser. [ taser crackles ] he's got a taser, and he's in character. excellent, mi amigo. okay, what else can we change around here? uh, the band leader. yeah, right. what's your name? i'm cleto. yeah, no, i'm sorry. i've never heard of you. uh, why don't you say hello to the new band leader? this is sheryl crow. [ cheers and applause ] we'll miss you a lot, cleto. we'll miss you a lot. [ cheers and applause ]

thank you so much for being here, sheryl. that's amazing. now, do you think you can handle this? i got this. i'm sheryl crow. amen. all right. this is unbelievable. it took jimmy 10 years to accomplish what i just accomplished in 90 seconds. oh, wait. we have the announcer. oh, dick. dicky? yes, boss? i mean, you're from boston, man. you can stay. wicked, boss! [ cheers and applause ] you know, look, jimmy is not all that bad. he's actually got some really good qualities. he's funny, he's smart, he's good to his family, he's an excellent lover -- wait a minute. what is going on here? i didn't write any of this. what are you do-- oh, come on, man! i'm sorry! i just -- [ cheers and applause ] aw, man! no. come on.

forget it, matt! i couldn't do it to jimmy! aw, ben, come on! ben! ben, where you -- ben! he doesn't -- i never wanted it to end up this way! he doesn't even love you like i love you! you'll see! he'll see. all right, what's next? let's see. late-night hosts, well, they're supposed to tell jokes right from the news, right? uh, you guys want to hear some jokes? [ cheers and applause ] yeah, unfortunately, that's not my forte. i'm not a standup comedian. but i do know people in this town. wait a minute. hold on. uh, siri, who's the best standup comedian in the world? [ beep ] siri: definitely not jimmy kimmel. he is not funny at all. he is terrible. he is human garbage. that's a given. but do a search for a world-class comedian in the area

who might come finish my monologue. searching for a world-class comedian in your area. i found one fairly close to you. well, great. send him in. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. whoa! yeah! yeah! hold on. yeah! yeah! hold on. let me just tape you for a moment. hold on. playback's a bitch. let's do this! a brief shoutout to my fans on skype -- uhba...er...migina. i have a new application on my phone. it's a moral gps. it's kind of cool. "the girl you're texting is the same age as your daughter.

reroute." [ laughter ] people always complain about their phones. they're saying like, "i've only got two bars." listen, i'm an alcoholic. all i've ever needed was one bar! [ laughter ] i'm off and running! and sometimes even it sounds like your phone is a little off. you go, "siri, where is the beacon theatre?" "did you say 'kevin bacon was queer'?" "no! but show me what you found." [ laughter ] and she sometimes gets insecure. you're going, "siri, where is the nearest electronics store?" "are you dissatisfied with my service, robin?" "not at all." "why did you google 'samsung'?" "no reason. no reason." "who is emily?" "none of your business!" and it doesn't even work in france. if you go to france, there is no siri. because maybe they have their own. they have cherie. you go, "cherie, where is the nearest good restaurant?" [ french accent ] "it's paris, you idiot! they're everywhere! "put down your digital device, go outside and live your life, you american [bleep]!"

[ cheers and applause ] damon! matty damon! [ cheers and applause ] now, that... that is how you do a monologue! yeah! thank you, robin! robin williams, everybody! robin williams! all right. we're gonna take a break. [ laughter ] [ band plays "everyday is a winding road" ] ♪ let's go. ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] introducing the all-new cadillac xts... another big night on the town, eh? ...and the return of life lived large. ♪

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so i used my citi thankyou card to pick up some accessories. a new belt. some nylons. and what girl wouldn't need new shoes? and with all the points i've been earning, i was able to get us a flight to our favorite climbing spot even on a holiday weekend. ♪ things are definitely looking up. [ male announcer ] with no blackout dates, you can use your citi thankyou points to travel whenever you want. visit citi.com/thankyoucards to apply.

to travel whenever you want. good lmatt, you can do it. some big old spanx to fill. i know you can do it. you can do anything. and if you ever doubt that, take a look at the name on your driver's license. that's right. it says "matt [bleep] damon." that's what it says. matt, they told me that you're hosting the show tonight, and i think that is just awesome. i'm not really sure why or where jimmy is, but what can i say? y-your -- your sunny face kisses the world. [ chuckles ] was that weird? i feel like that might be a little weird. don't send that one. [ cheers and applause ] all right, welcome back! welcome back. if you're just joining us, i have taken control of this show tonight. normally, this program is hosted by that. [ laughter ] tonight it's being hosted by this.

[ cheers and applause ] well, look, this seems like a good opportunity to explain the origin of all the hatred and bitterness between me and jimmy kimmel. i think it's time people finally know the truth. jimmy bumps me from his show every night because jimmy always wanted to be an actor. and unfortunately for him... [ laughter ] ...i beat him out for every role that he ever truly wanted. jimmy has auditioned for every movie i've ever been in. no, that's true. every single one of them. and how many did he get? none. so he hates me. and, look, i know it seems hard to believe, so to prove it to you guys, i called every casting director in town to get tapes of all of jimmy's auditions.

[ laughter ] you guys want to see them? [ cheers and applause ] all right. yeah. no, i'm sorry, jimmy. i'm gonna have to show them. [ laughs ] i mean, yeah, go ahead. you can roll it. you can roll it. man: this is jamie kammel reading for the role of will hunting. [ boston accent ] well, i got her number. how do you like them apples? man: let's try it one more time. again? how do you like them...apples? do you like apples? i have them. mark. so, you're the guy running for office, aren't you? you bet i am. and judging from your speech, you're not winning. well, that's what happens... when you're part of the adjustment bureau. what are you doing? [ laughter ] sorry. what's he doing?

i just was playing with it. i was stretching it out. no, y-you can't do it to the camera when you're... so, you're the guy running for -- you bet i am. you got to let me finish the line. man: you know this movie is animated, right? huh? it's a voice-over audition. what? it's a voice-over audition. well, why am i in the costume? hi, kids! i'm "happy feet two"! okay, cut. my beak is in my eye. okay, next. head shot? no. thanks. judging from your speech, you're not winning. that's what happens... when you're part of the adjustment bureau. okay, i don't know -- you said that camera i wasn't supposed to look at. no, you're supposed to do it to -- oh, to you. have you done this before? [ beeping ] man: whenever you're ready. you're adorable. what's that you say? i'm adorable, too? well, that's why... we bought a zoo. [ laughter ] yeah, before we start, could i just clarify --

am i the stuckee or the stucker? i mean, who's stuck to who here? i don't -- i'm sorry. does that matter for the process really? it's part of my process. it does matter. who the hell are you? i'm jimmy kimmel. and i'm stuck on you. can we look into matt damon? he'll do it. if the movie was called "suck on you," he would do it. hey, hey, hey! i don't know what this is. is this like a pity reading or something? no, no, you're here on your own merit. and don't feel like that. i've been cast. can you tell her she's here on her own merit? she thinks this is a pity meeting. what are you wearing? is that perfume? i had meatballs for lunch. he smells like sauce. i -- [ high-pitched voice ] how do you like them apples? man: next. [ boston accent ] how do you like them? apples. man: screen test, jenny kimhole. both: i swear to god, if i even feel somebody behind me, there is no -- whoa. stop. i think we should just --

yeah. can we start again? start again. start again. you ready? just give us an "action" again. both: i swear to god, if i even feel somebody behind me, there is no -- what are you doing, man? what are you doing? you're reading my part. no, you're the other part. i'm jason bourne. i thought i was reading for bourne. man: you did? why would you -- i mean, i played him in the first two movies. why would you be -- that's my part. well, i didn't see the first two movies. and thanks for saying "spoiler alert." now the first two movies are ruined. what goes on here? i mean, he didn't say "spoiler alert." ohp. i'm really -- i'm sorry, man. uh, spoiler alert. [ cheers and applause ] we've got a much better show than usual for you tonight. sheryl crow is here. [ cheers and applause ] i have a terrible surprise for jimmy. and when we come back, a gaggle of huge stars jimmy kimmel could never dream of. i'm matt damon. please stick around. [ cheers and applause ]

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that's powerful. verizon. get a nokia lumia 822 in red for free. hey, matyou are as greatawesome. as jimmy kimmel wasn't. thank you, matt, for allowing america to laugh again. matt, i got to tell you, i am loving the show.

you have a gift, my friend. you know, not everybody can host a show. i know that is true. great job. you know, matt, you're the son we always wanted. that's much better. welcome to the family, matty. we love you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you! welcome back. [ cheers and applause ] welcome back to "jimmy kimmel sucks!" i'm matt damon, your host. and in case you haven't noticed, i've hijacked jimmy kimmel's show. now, on the show tomorrow night, nicki minaj, josh bowman. and unfortunately for you, jimmy kimmel will be back. tomorrow morning, jimmy's getting a star on the walk of fame. but let's not get focused on the negative. because tonight, sheryl crow is my band leader! [ cheers and applause ] whoo! let's do it!

andy garcia is my guillermo! [ cheers and applause ] and later on, i have a fun surprise for jimmy, a special guest who has not been here since -- i think since she and jimmy broke up. ♪ i'm [bleep] matt damon she's [bleep] matt damon. ♪ i'm sorry, but it's true ♪ ♪ i'm [bleep] matt damon she's [bleep] matt damon. ♪ i'm not imagining it's you ♪ yeah! his ex-girlfriend sarah silverman will be here. [ laughing ] good times, right? how you doing over there, jimmy? i'm just kidding. i don't give a [bleep] hey, uh, jimmy, wait. let me ask you something. have you ever had nicole kidman on your show? kimmel: no. wow. that's -- that's too bad. ladies and gentlemen, her new movie, "stoker," comes out march 1st. please welcome academy award winner nicole kidman. [ cheers and applause ]

well, welcome. welcome, welcome. this is -- you are really classing up the place here. now, you have -- no, no. do you have your taser? hold on. we got to -- [ taser crackles ] but you've never done this show. no. why not? well, he's bound and gagged, thank god. he's just -- he's not classy. yeah. i know. i know. right? and he [bleep] sucks. i know. you're right. and he's just one of those talk-show hosts. they ask these really lame questions. i'm not gonna do that. i'm not gonna do that.

let me just ask you one thing. can you just tell us one thing that nobody knows about you? i will tell you anything, matt. thank you. i will. i mean, you have that about you. that's actually why you should be hosting this show all the time because this show i really think could move to that next level of truth, you know? he's really holding them back. yeah. yeah. yeah. and you're authentic. well, thank you. give us something authentic about you -- something we don't know. something you don't know? god, you know everything about me. um... since i was a little girl, i have, um, had a problem. i steal. [ laughter ] really? i do. i'm a kleptomaniac. i just -- little things. not important things. i have a few little things that i -- some spoons. spoons. from backstage? just spoons that you took? yeah. and there's other stuff. but i'll keep it quiet for now. i just want to say thank you for sharing that. yeah.

no, that's wonderful. that's really brave. he's the kind of guy that you can tell anything to, right? thank you. thank you so much for that. no, i really -- that's just -- it's so brave that you would share that with me. i really, um -- because i love you. well, thank you. i love you, too, nicole. i would love to work with you. yeah, i would love to work with you. i would love to work with you. i'm such a huge fan. who else would you love to work with? no, seriously. when you think of actors like -- [ laughter ] not him. no, not him. i love, uh -- god, i mean, i love really, really good, strong -- i mean, i love gary oldman. well, he's one of the best. god! so good. well, wait a minute. well, ladies and gentlemen, gary oldman! [ cheers and applause ] this is amazing. all right.

if you do what i do, this is a huge honor. so thank you for coming out here. the honor's all mine. no, come on, man. come on. i mean, this is like -- 'cause, unlike nicole, you've actually had the burden of being on this show before, with you-know-who hosting, a couple times. uh, i have no recollection of that. [ laughter ] you don't? i've never been on this show before. but, see, my research says you were here for "tinker tailor" and "dark knight rises." oh! look! i saw this picture down in the hallway, which apparently nicole stole. [ laughter ] i'm quick. oldman: no. this is, um -- that is -- you know, that's an impersonator. a gary oldman impersonator. this is an industry for people. i've never been in the state of california until tonight. wow. that's, uh -- it sure looks like you.

but, okay, i'll tell you what. i mean, let's keep this daisy chain of greatness going. is there somebody kind of great that you want to work with that you haven't worked with? you. oh, man, hey, no. i think -- i think -- the three of us have to do something. but, hey, if the three of us were to do something and we were to get another amazing leading lady -- i mean, like somebody who's, you know -- who hasn't even been on the scene for that long but has been nominated for four academy awards. oh, yeah, well, someone who i admire and love, who's wonderful in the new paul thomas anderson movie. i know who you're talking of. well, amy adams. ladies and gentlemen, amy adams! [ cheers and applause ]

how are you? mwah. hi! hi. amy, it is so great -- have you done this show before? i have. i was actually scared to come back 'cause it was the worst experience of my life. i mean, maybe car-- yeah, life. amy, why? why? what did jimmy do to you? it's really awkward, 'cause, like, right off the gate -- i think there's a clip of what happened. please say hello to amy adams. [ cheers and applause ] they didn't freeze where i asked them to. he slipped me the tongue. yeah. that is so horrible and inappropriate what he did. it's really uncomfortable, and i was like, "i don't know you." and then we did the interview, and he was like, "i went to a bachelor party with your boyfriend." i was like, "you didn't. don't make me lie for you." and it was bad. [ laughter ] that was like a sexual assault when you came out. i know. it was horrible. but, you know... but you're here, so i decided i'd come back and brave it. well, thank you for doing that.

i mean, it's probably the only way he can meet women. you know. i know. right? but we were just talking about it. you're nominated right now for "the master." [ cheers and applause ] what's crazy to me is -- that's a huge accomplishment, obviously. but there's like 600 or 700 movies that come out every year, and, you know, you have four nominations now. thank you. there's an emmy for talk-show people. yeah, and he's been nominated like once. he's been on the air for 10 years, and there's only like 6 talk shows. [ laughter ] he got nominated once, and he didn't even win. i mean, between the three of you, there's probably like 40 academy award nominations. you throw andy in there, i mean, this is obscene. you know, and this guy can't even -- [ laughter ] i mean -- [ cheers and applause ] he doesn't have a golden globe or a people's choice.

he doesn't really have -- nobody looks in your direction, my friend. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. but the cream does rise to the top. all right, well, when we come back, we're gonna see what other movie stars we can dig up. and we'll have jimmy's ex-girlfriend, too. so, we'll be right back. [ "if it makes you happy" plays ] ♪ i've been a long... so i used my citi thankyou card to pick up some accessories. a new belt. some nylons. and what girl wouldn't need new shoes? and with all the points i've been earning, i was able to get us a flight to our favorite climbing spot even on a holiday weekend. ♪ things are definitely looking up. [ male announcer ] with no blackout dates, you can use your citi thankyou points to travel whenever you want.

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♪ then why the hell are you so sad? ♪ ♪ if it makes you happy welcome back! sheryl crow, everybody, leading the band tonight! [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much for that kind applause. it must feel so good to really mean it for once. [ laughter ] andy garcia and i were just talking in the break room. we were laughing because jimmy's always complaining about how hard it is to book celebrities on his show. and meanwhile we're like halfway through this thing, and i've already booked seven big stars. that's not even counting me. isn't that funny, andy? ha ha ha ha ha! it's very funny, mr. matt damon.

that is -- i mean, 'cause this is hollywood. you can hit an oscar winner with a rock out here. yes, you can, mr. matt damon. i have a rock. i have a rock. you have a rock? oh, good. well, then, just throw the rock and see what happens. ow! oh, my g-- did you just hit me with a rock?! damon: is that reese witherspoon?! [ cheers and applause ] oh, my goodness! reese, it's matt damon. what are you doing out there? oh, hey, matt. i don't -- i was just at bevmo! w-what's going on? uh, well, do you want to be on "jimmy kimmel live"? uh, i don't know. is, like, jimmy in there? no, no. jimmy's not hosting it. i am. oh, yeah. well, yeah. of course. of course, yeah. if jimmy isn't there, i'm in! okay! [ cheers and applause ] my next guest is an oscar winner who buys her own groceries, evidently. we're very lucky to have her with us tonight. please, everybody, put your hands together

for reese witherspoon. [ cheers and applause ] okay, okay, cool. any way you want. we are so happy to have you here. this is crazy. what were you doing out there? you were shopping? yeah! oh, hey, sheryl. i bet we shop for the same stuff. 'cause i have four kids. you just had your third. that's so funny. yeah, probably. probably. so, what do you have -- some baby formula? i don't really want to -- i don't need to get into what -- come on. what's in the bag? it's so stupid. what do you have in the bag? um -- okay. i mean, i just bought -- you know, i bought some hennessy. oh. oh, all right. yeah. okay. a little hennessy. all right, well -- i'm a working mother. as you know, nicole. what else? you got some, like, kids' pjs or something?

i mean, no. i mean, i got, you know, some cuervo. wow. [ cheers and applause ] that one's empty. [ laughter ] yeah, well, you know -- i didn't know you rolled like that, reese. it was a long time between drop-offs. no, no, no. no. this is great. he was trying to have a drink. hello, mr. matt damon? what is it, andy? i have another rock. ohh! oh, well, just chuck it in any direction. i also have a bottle. reese probably dropped that. yeah. yes, she dropped it, and i drink it. okay. okay, just -- hey, andy, throw the rock. what?! oh, it's okay. damon: who's that on a bicycle? oh, it's demi moore! [ cheers and applause ] [ laughing ] what? what the hell's going on here? look at the camera. it's mr. matt damon. hey. um... i'm so sorry about that, demi. it's matt.

yeah, what's up with the rocks? hey, any chance you want to come in and hang out with me and reese witherspoon and nicole kidman and gary oldman and amy adams? um, jimmy's not in there, is he? well, technically, yes, but i tied him to a chair and stuffed a gag in his mouth. okay. i hold the bike. okay, great. great. [ cheers and applause ] i'm just wondering here -- jimmy, have you ever had demi moore on the show? no. no. no. why would she come on your show? you know, you should sometime, though. i think you'd like her. ladies and gentlemen, please say hello to my next guest, the lovely and talented demi moore. [ cheers and applause ] hi!

hello! wow! amazing. matt, what's all this? well, no, i just took over his show and tied him up 'cause he's a son of a bitch and he had it coming. yeah. but tell me -- you've never been on this show before. no, i haven't. is it okay if i take my coat off? i'm sorry. i was out biking, and... [ cheers and applause ] but why have you never come on the show before? well, i've been to his house. oh, you have? yeah, and, i mean, it was nice. he invited me for dinner. you know, he's really big into his cooking thing... right, right. ...his sauces. and, well, he's got his pizza ovens, and he was making pizza. and i went to look in the trash, put something in, and i saw the boxes of digiorno. i mean -- and, like, for me -- that's just despicable. you son of a -- you just -- get over there. that's just -- that's so wrong.

[ laughter ] it's just so in keeping with all these things we're hearing tonight, though. this guy is just a horrible man. well, i'm really uncomfortable with liars, and, i mean -- he's not trustworthy. i mean, you're trustworthy. this is amazing. i mean, you're [bleep] matt damon. oh, thank you. i mean, he is. he's [bleep] matt damon. given that this is, without question, the best couch ever assembled on the "jimmy kimmel" show, i think we should maybe go over there and take a picture with jimmy. come on, guys. come on. come on. [ cheers and applause ] these are just acts you could never get, my friend. all right, i would like to thank these guys for being here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] perfect.

i'm gonna interview jimmy's ex-girlfriend sarah silverman live in front of everyone in just a minute, so stick around. ♪ ain't no disco [ male announcer ] when we built the cadillac ats from the ground up to be the world's best sport sedan... ♪ ...people noticed. ♪ the all-new cadillac ats --

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that's why he went to jared... ♪ until the sun comes up ♪ over santa monica boulevard and we're back! [ cheers and applause ] thank you. i am the opposite of jimmy kimmel, matt damon. and that was my band leader, sheryl crow, who sounds great. [ cheers and applause ] damon: now, do you have any new music coming out? yeah, i'm working on something -- a new single coming out pretty soon.

really? yeah, yeah. has anyone heard it yet? no, i'm still working on it, but i think i'm gonna have it done by the end of the show. so, then, maybe you'd consider doing the world premiere here on the show tonight? yeah, well, under normal circumstances, no. but since you're hosting, yeah, yeah. perfect. that's fantastic. now i'm excited. okay, great. um, and speaking of me being excited, i'm very excited to talk to my next guest. she dated jimmy kimmel for five years and made love to me for two incredible minutes. please say hello to sarah silverman. [ cheers and applause ] it's great having you on here tonight. oh, my gosh! this is crazy.

yeah, we haven't seen each other since -- yeah, since -- yeah. you look, um -- you look w-well. you really wear that suit. thanks. thanks. you too. but, hey, you know why i brought you on. i was wondering if you could just describe your relationship with jimmy for me. [ sighs ] oh, gosh. um, i guess, like, you know when you're in new york and you pass by those hot-dog vendors, and you're like, "i'm not gonna eat this. it's not good for me." and then the smell gets to you, and you can't help yourself, and you get one, and you, like, pound two or three of them, and then later on, you're puking. you know, and you're just like, "why did i put this inside me?" you know, and, like, um... [ cheers and applause ] and you think about, like, the encasing and all the entrails that are probably in there. so i guess it's like that. i could have given you a shorter answer.

i'm sorry. it was a roller coaster! do you know why people think jimmy is so funny? no, why? [ laughter ] no, no, i'm asking you. i was hoping you could tell me. oh. ha ha ha ha ha! you are so bad! you're so good at this. thank you for that. now, as long as you're here, is there anything you'd like to say to jimmy? i mean, he's a captive audience. um... no, i'm good. great. sarah silverman, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] we're gonna be right back to hear music from sheryl crow, and maybe i'll even talk to jimmy, too. ♪ ooh ♪ ooh

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during the petsmart stock up and save sale. including all dog and cat cosequin® hip & joint supplements. at petsmart®. ladies and gentlemen, here with her new song -- the world premiere of "easy" -- my band leader, sheryl crow! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we shared the summer, we'd go down to cancun ♪ ♪ no money makes that kind of hard to do ♪

♪ forget the beach, i'd rather be here with you ♪ ♪ playing croquet ♪ okay, maybe that's not true ♪ but you make it easy, easy ♪ easy to get away ♪ sit in the sun and drink beer all day ♪ ♪ yeah, you make it easy, easy ♪ easier anyway ♪ baby, let's stay home ♪ baby, let's stay home ♪ we'll put on bug spray, and we'll lose our clothes ♪ ♪ put out the lawn chair and turn on the hose ♪ ♪ we'll play jack johnson

♪ he's the new don ho ♪ oh, we'll go surfing, surfing ♪ ♪ we'll sing with the radio ♪ you make it easy, easy ♪ easy to get away ♪ sit in the sun and drink beer all day ♪ ♪ yeah, you make it easy, easy ♪ easier anyway ♪ who needs mexico? ♪ baby, now i'm home ♪ who needs mexico? [ instrumental break ] ♪ drink margaritas and take in the sunset ♪ ♪ later on, we'll slip off to our king-size bed ♪

♪ and make love ♪ let's make love ♪ you make it easy, easy ♪ you make it easy, easy ♪ we'll make it easy, easy ♪ easy to get away ♪ sit in the sun and sip tequila all day ♪ ♪ you make it easy, easy ♪ easier anyway ♪ who needs mexico? ♪ tell me now ♪ who needs mexico? ♪ baby, let's stay home ♪ baby, let's stay home ♪ mmm ♪ let's do it, baby

♪ ohh, let's do it, baby ♪ go on a little holiday [ cheers and applause ] that was great! i want to thank sheryl crow, andy garcia, ben affleck, robin williams, nicole kidman, gary oldman, amy adams, reese witherspoon, demi moore, sarah silverman, emily blunt, greg kinnear, robert de niro, oprah winfrey, sally field, jennifer lopez, john krasinski, don cheadle, jimmy's parents. the list goes on and on. "nightline" is next. jimmy, is there anything you want to say before we wrap things up? wait. i'm sorry. we're out of time. good night, everybody! [ cheers and applause ]

[ up-tempo music plays ] -- captions by vitac -- breaking news up next, a live report with new df l developments on the case of a bay area boy who went missing nearly 30 years ago. >> i'm larry beil in new orleans with the media day extravaganza and alex smith's future. >> stay with us.