weekend with tiger woods. stop by the hooter's and have some wings. [ cheers and applause ] i tell you one thing -- bill clinton wouldn't have gotten that at all. most kids had the day off from school today. i wonder if they know why -- how much do kids really know about president's day. i guess they know the cherry tree, the top hat, and the beard, maybe wooden teeth. but that's it. so, today i asked my cousin mickey to venture out on to hollywood boulevard to ask some of the kids running free out there to tell us what they know about president's -- before i show this, i want you to know that there is no one acting involved here on my cousin mickey's part. you may think she is pretending she doesn't know the stuff she is hearing, i promise you every bit of this is real. >> hi, i am cousin mickey. today is president's day. i will talk to kids to find out what that means. do you know who the president is right now? >> george washington.

>> oh. >> i know a fact about him. he chopped down a cherry tree. and he admitted tight his father. >> he admitted it? why did he chop it down? >> um, i don't know. i mean he was a kid. >> yeah, he was a kid when he chopped it down, not when he was president? >> no. >> didn't he have like a wooden set of teeth. that's what i've heard. he has wooden teeth. kind of gross. >> it's gross. but you know what we can't judge. >> oh, yeah. >> we can't judge. >> can't judge it. can't judge george washington. >> we can never judge george washington. who is on the dollar bill? >> george washington. >> see, he created money, i think, right? >> uh-huh. >> hi, what is your name? >> lincoln. >> a great name. >> were you named after one of the presidents? >> i think so. >> yeah, that's pretty cool. >> which one? >> abraham lincoln. >> lincoln. what did he do? >> he freed the slaves. >> he did.

wow? how do you know all that? >> school. >> school's good to you. is there any slaves that you remember? that maybe he freed? >> no. >> not really. >> he stopped slavery. >> yeah. >> and he worked with harriet tubman, who i really like too? >> why do you like henry tubman? >> harriet. >> i liked her she worked with slavery and dippd the undergrou railroad and stuff like that. >> was she president? >> no. >> the worst thing he got killeden the thkilled in the theatetheater, some one play he was watching with his wife. >> are you serious? that's terrible. my god, did that really happen. what movie was he watching? >> i have no idea. >> in the beginning of the movie, or the middle or the end. >> in the beginning. >> he didn't get a chance to watch his movie. my god, i really feel bad for him. i've did not know that lincoln

got killed in a movie theater. >> he has pretty famous speeches. >> do you know any of his speech you could tell us? >> the gettysburg address, i think. >> want to recite it? >> four score -- >> and seven years ago. i think i know this. can we do this together? >> four score and seven years ago, my father came upon this nation. >> my father came upon this nation. >> fourscore. >> and to the republic for which it stand. >> to the republic nor which it stands. >> with -- >> with -- >> with his majesty. >> with his majesty. >> and justice for all. >> and justice for all. >> jimmy: amen. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you. i learned a lot. >> jimmy: what, what was the

most interesting thing you learned today about the presidents? >> that he dieden ein a movie t t -- theater. >> you didn't know that. you know what he was watching president? first "toy story." >> good for him. he went out strong. >> jimmy: that's cousin mickie, everybody. [ applause ] and then in the future you can say yeah, i was there the first night that they did that. a huge meteor exploded over russia on friday. it smashed hundreds of windows. thousand of vodka bottles were destroyed. more than, more than 1,100 people were hurt. none too seriously thank goodness. in a russian city, a lot of the people, got it on video, this meteor. they say it came down with the force of -- 30 times more powerful than the bomb on

hiroshima. miraculously no one was killed. you know if that meteor had any sense of humor it would have hit the carnival cruise line with the broken toilets as it pulled into the harbor. it was nba all-star weekend in houston over the weekend. the west beat the east for the third year in a row. chris paul of the clippers mvp of the game. i feel lackike i don't know the clippers. terrence ross, won the slam dunk contest. my favorite dunk came courtesy of utah jazz forward, jeremy evans. jeremy dunged over something covered with a black sheet. then that something turned out to be a painting, not only, painting of him, a painting he painted of himself doing the dunk that he had just performed. very meta. and that's -- then he dunked over a picture of him dunking.

if you watch the "bachelor" they use the word amazing a lot. we have been keeping track of them. they said amazed or amazing so far this season, 97 times. well, let's count them up tonight. >> i want a man as amazing as my dad. >> sean is amazing. >> you are amazing. >> this is amazing. >> amazing man. >> amazing woman. >> amazed. >> amazing. >> amazing. >> you amaze me. >> jimmy: 11 times. that brings the grand total to 108 amazings on the year. going for a new record. i help that their relationship proves stronger than their vocabulary, i really do. on tonight's episode, bac bache sean visited the hometowns of four remaining lady. something they do every season, a sacred time honored ritual, fathers give consent for their daughter to date a mandating

three other women. wish they would run into old boyfriend. guys get drunk want to fight the bachelor. that would be fun to watch. the conversations the batch lr has with the families is always weird. here is what sean said to ashley's father. >> where is that development? >> i am crazy about your daughter. >> jimmy: here's what he said to catherine's mother. >> i obviously think the world of your daughter. she is so incredibly special. >> jimmy: here's what he said to lindsay's father. >> i don't know how this is going to play out. obviously i'm crazy about your daughter. >> jimmy: here is what he said to desiree's sister. >> i'm crazy about your sister. >> crazy about a lot of girls, right. >> jimmy: after a brief chat to her brother, sean said good-bye to desiree. not fair to bring reality to a reality show. and valentine's day was last week. we commemorated that by issuing one of the popular youtube challenges. i asked our viewers to give

their wife or girlfriend something she would hate as a gift, videotape her opening the gift and upload tight youtube, with the title, hey, jimmy kimmel, i gave my wife/girlfriend a terrible gift for valentine's day. we got some disturbing submissions. i will let you be the judge of which are which. enjoy. >> this is the box. that i bought her wedding ring in. my wife hates lizards. i splurged. >> you really got me something from tiffany's. >> hold the box up. >> i think, did you really? >> ah! >> i would like you to have this. happy valentine's day. >> i can't think of what you are talking about. >> oh, my god! >> happy valentine's. >> are you crazy? there's bugs in here. on top of me.

>> hey, jimmy, i made a ring out of a kidney stone that i passed. >> kidney stone. oh. oh. ew. that better not be my promise ring you stuck that on. is it? >> maybe. >> honey. >> you don't like your picture of matt damon. >> no. >> thanks, matt damon, you ruined valentine's day. >> ew, gross. >> okay. >> i thought you needed some. >> you [ bleep ]. >> ah!

[ laughter ] you told me you weren't going to get me anything. >> i know. open it. [ bleep ] is that a real snake? you're a jerk. >> honey. you don't like it? honey, you don't like it? honey, you don't like it? we can make a belt out of it. ♪ >> jimmy: you should never marry a guy -- thanks to everyone. when we come back, we will play, a great game to play with our friend, yaya. david steinberg is here, we have music from ben harper with the great charlie musselwhite, and we'll be right back with [ male announcer ] it's surprising what your mouth goes through in a day.

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when you bundle tv and internet. rethink possible. >> jimmy: welcome back, andy samberg. the oscars are live this sunday. and in anticipation of that they is time to play name that nominee. first let's meet our contestants chosen from the studio audience. contestant one is johnny. where are you from. what do you do? >> i'm from illinois. i am a project analyst. >> jimmy: contestant number two is tonya. where are you from, what do you do? >> i'm from passaden aadena and

project manager. >> jimmy: there is no reason for them to be in blindfolds. let's meet yaya. come out. and a guy i met outside a movie theater. he waits outside restaurants and movie theaters and takes pictures with celebrities. how many celebrities? >> 6,000, 7,000. there he is with oprah. sylvester stallone. there he is with kristen stewart. all the big stars. you should be great at this. contestants. i would like you, you are blindfolded. tonight yaya is going to describe each nominee the best he can. >> jimmy its that jackie chan and oprah? >> jimmy: no that is not. you are off off to a great start. your job is to guess which actor yaya is describing without him saying his or her name. he will give you clues without revealing the name, yaya.

do not say the name under any circumstances. >> okay. i promise. but sometime i forget. >> jimmy: don't forget. it is a game show. are you ready to do this? yaya, are you ready. $100 for each correct answer. who ever buzzes first gets to answer. let's start with the first nominee. it is. >> the guy, daniel day-lewis. >> jimmy: okay, now. do you want to guess, johnny? >> daniel day-lewis. [ applause ] >> jimmy: we're off to a bad start. yaya. going to ask you not to say the name. 50/50 after. okay. >> jimmy: now he has to pay you. all right. contestant number two. the lady she do the movie, music, oh, i go, very famous. >> jimmy: name her movies.

>> she, like sound of music for france. yeah, right? >> jimmy: no, not right. tonya? >> kate winslet. >> maryann coutier? >> jimmy: you know who that is? tell us? >> ann hathaway. >> very nice. very nice lady. >> jimmy: how did she smell? good? >> like french cologne. >> jimmy: like french cologne. >> i saw the movie. very good. >> jimmy: johnny in the lead. our third contestant. it is. >> the guy with the blue eyes. and he make new movie with big star. you talking to me? i am only the one here. >> jimmy: he made a movie with another big star. you talking to me? he has blue eyes. >> blue eyes.

>> jimmy: johnny? >> robert de niro. >> jimmy: no, that's the star he was describing. >> with him. with him in a movie. >> jimmy: tonya, did you want to take a guess. with him, the young guy, blue eyes, italian, maybe. he is very nice guy. >> jimmy: do you know the name of the movie? >> yeah, robert de niro, robert de niro his father. >> jimmy: tonya? >> silver linings. >> he is the middle in the oscar. celebrity. >> jimmy: yaya, tell us who the celebrity is. >> i forget his name. i forget. >> jimmy: that is bradley cooper. >> oh. >> jimmy: let's try another one. there you are with bradley. all right. our next -- >> oh. i know him. >> jimmy: you know him. >> yeah. he's the one, he has knife in

his hand. he has knife. >> jimmy: johnny? >> hugh jackman. >> jimmy: johnny, congratulations. i think you won this thing. thank you, yaya. thank you, tonya. thank you, johnny. wow, what a game. contestants. take off your blindfold. thank you, everyone. >> dicky: johnny is going home with $200. >> jimmy: what a great prize. thank you, yaya, thank you, johnny. good job. we'll be right back. david steinberg is here. music and andy samberg. stick around. [ male announcer ] this is the age of knowing what you're made of. why let erectile dysfunction get in your way? talk to your doctor about viagra. ask if your heart is healthy enough for sex. do not take viagra if you take nitrates for chest pain; it may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure.

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>> jimmy: tonight, david steinberg is here with us. and then we are having a great musical performance for you, this is their album, called "get up" ben harper and charlie musselwhite. and anthony ed arward will be h, and mike piazza, and rob delany, and the founder of tesla motors

will be here later this week, kelly rippa, and music from dido and the mosleys. and stay up after the academy award, eighth annual after the oscars special. last year, 34 big stars -- including oprah, george clooney, and meryl streep chipped in to make it very special. we put together an all-star film trailer called "movie the movie" 20 million people watched that on youtube alone. this year the sequel "movie the movie, two-vie." with yet another all-star cast. and our guests that night will be channing tatum, jamie foxx, and robin roberts. so join us then. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a very talented comedian who helped to popularize the phrase "digital shorts" which used to be something tron wore to the pool. this weekend, he is host of the "independent spirit awards" you watch it saturday night at 10 on ifc, please welcome andy samberg.

♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look studious working on a holiday which is impressive. >> it's my pleasure. president's day. absolutely. >> jimmy: a day that means anything to you at all? >> a big one for me. a lot of people don't know this about me. i actually am a little of a presidential historian. >> jimmy: are you really? one of the guys who learns that stuff. >> i don't know, call me a nerd. but i like that stuff. like, i will just rattle off a few if you've don't mind. abraham lincoln, lot of people don't know this, wore a top hat. >> jimmy: i actually did know that. >> you knew that. okay. lincoln also had, had a voice that sounded almost identical to daniel day-lewis. yeah, if somebody was gently squeezing his balls. let's see, also --

>> jimmy: gently you say? >> yeah. not the chipmunks. like an oscar caliber performance. who else? president garfield. we all know him. hated mondays. loved lasagna, loved lasagna. and grover cleveland, a lot of people don't know this. he was actually, very, very hairy. >> jimmy: he was? >> yeah, i actually have a picture of him. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, grover cleveland. that's him? >> yeah. >> jimmy: well that is -- now you -- you must have went to a public school is what i am guessing? did you do anything special for valentine's day? >> i did. went out to a nice fancy dinner with my lady. >> jimmy: traditional. >> very traditional. yeah, thanks guys.

just the concept of lady. they're the best. smell good. and, yeah, it was fun. it was nice. i will say, at our dinner, i noticed a new phenomenon, i never noticed before, there was a bar in the restaurant. and two buddies hanging out having a drink on valentine's day. it occurred to me, that you can't really do that. >> jimmy: why not? >> you can, but you are opening questions, basically. i don't think there is any one in the restaurant that didn't think they were there together. like, you call him up. hey, man, want to grab a beer? it's like, well, yeah, is it a date? or -- >> jimmy: you were there having a meal together? >> just cracking a couple brewskis. >> jimmy: okay. >> i feel look i would be able to do that. at the end of the night i would be expecting to get some action. >> jimmy: sure. >> it's valentine's day. >> jimmy: what kind of a guy is

your dad? >> my dad -- my dad's, a good dude, you know? both my folks used to be pretty big hippies. >> jimmy: oh, they were. what kind of hippies when you say hippies. that's an old thing. your parents are probably my age. >> my mom was more flower child. my dad was long hair, leather jacket, leather pants kind of hippy. >> jimmy: what? that's a hippy? >> that's like the original hippy uniform. >> jimmy: leather pants. >> got turned into another softer thing. but my dad was like the more bad -- hippy. >> jimmy: eddie murphy in delirious was a hippy? >> full hippy. delirious is the sequel to woodstock documentary. >> jimmy: hard to take a dad seriously when he is lecturing from a pair of leather pants? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i guess so. that is very strange. >> for me it was just normal. >> jimmy: just dad. did he ever buy you a pair of little leather pants to be like

his little boy? >> i would be so bummed if that exists, little, little baby leather pants. >> jimmy: were you a hippy at all? did you get into that stuff at all? >> no, no. i have two older sisters the we grew up in bay area. it is hippyish there, we were more, we were busier listening to kind of hard core gangster rap and stuff. >> jimmy: did your parents hate that? >> they didn't seem to notice. yeah. >> jimmy: what would you listen to? >> we grew up in california, bay area, a lot of nwa. and then, you know, in the bay, the big one is this guy too short. i don't know if you know too short. gyp i know too short a lot. >> too short. >> jimmy: i tell you my kids are in college think i sound like too short. when they hear too short. they, sound just like dad. >> what? >> jimmy: that's what i said. that's what i said. then i tried rapping along with

it. didn't thing it sounded like. >> you got to get too short on and do a comparison. >> jimmy: he's right behind you. so very short he can't be seen. >> he's too short. >> jimmy: too short. >> too short to be seen or heard or felt. >> jimmy: go get too short. bring him back. we'll take a quick break. andy samberg is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ tax refund time is here. i'm with malcom and kelly >> dickey: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony. alright. let him tell you about sprint. we've got the samsung galaxy s iii on the sprint 4g lte network for just $148! nice! wow. and -- you get a $50 gift card. awesome. we can split it. i don't think so. okay. [ earl ] see for yourself. get a $50 walmart gift card when you buy any samsung smartphone on the sprint 4g lte network. now through march 2nd.

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>> jimmy: hi there, we're back. andy samberg. hosting the "independent spirit awards" saturday the day before the oscars what's the difference between independent spirit award and the academy awards? >> they're basically identical except for -- that's it. they're identical. >> jimmy: you are hosting the oscars in a way? >> basically. >> jimmy: congratulations. that's a big deal. >> thank you. spread the word that i am hosting the oscars. >> jimmy: this is for independent movies right? >> yeah, yeah. which is to do with budget i am told. independent. yeah. >> jimmy: people didn't have enough money to make proper movies, gather together in santa monica. >> movies are really, really

expensive. you are like it is independent it only cost $20 million. oh, wow, they really, drag a rock up a hill on that one. >> jimmy: have you seen all the movies that are nominated? >> i have seen all of the names of the movies that are nominated. >> jimmy: so you are not one of the guys like i got to watch every one, find out what is going on here? >> i have seen a lot of them. i am still working. i have a week. i am going to try to watch almost all of them. i'm going to try to watch all of them. >> jimmy: which one are you definitely not going to watch? >> i don't even know. i've don't know what it is. you snow there is definitely, there is some rogue stuff in there. >> jimmy: how many do you have to watch to complete the whole set, watch the whole deal by saturday? >> i think only 160. i have watched at least four. so -- i got it. >> jimmy: you were on "saturday

night live" a few weeks ago. its that strange? [ cheers and applause ] >> thanks. >> jimmy: being a senior, being a college student going back to high school. and old scam pcampus or somethik that? >> yeah, like going back really soon after you left. >> jimmy: still wearing the cap and gown. >> i'm back! you left? yeah, man. >> jimmy: after the tearful good-bye. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> it was fun. >> jimmy: great to see you. sure you will do great at independent spirit award. i don't think you need to watch most. they're not in english any way. >> a lot of foreign stuff. audio is bad on most of them. >> jimmy: this man knows how to sell a program. the "independent spirit awards" airs this saturday at 10pm on ifc. andy samberg! we'll be right back with david steinberg.

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>> jimmy: our next guest is a legendary comedy writer and director who had a hand in shows like "newhart," "the golden girls," "seinfeld," "weeds" and "curb your enthusiasm" to name a few. he's also a very funny comedian who interviews other very funny comedians on "inside comedy" which airs monday nights on showtime. please say hello to david steinberg.

>> jimmy: a pleasure to have you here. i know you have been at our show before. but you have not been on the show. >> i was here for the matt damon legendary show. >> jimmy: here with robin williams. >> here with robin williams. and i believe he humped you when we left. >> he did hump me. he does it every time. it its nothing new. >> he is the only guest that does that? >> jimmy: well it happens occasionally. sometimes if i have meat on my hands, guillermo will come over and do it. >> i can't over, jimmy, having done the shows forever, the carson show. >> jimmy: how many times were you on the carson show? >> 140 times, if you can believe that. >> jimmy: 140 times. wow. how does this experience compare? >> well the matt damon experience, i couldn't get over the green room, for one thing. the green room was like studio

54. it looked -- i had to walk around. i couldn't believe it. so i started to walk around. and before i knew it, a woman had picked me up, hugged me, and was repeating a piece of material from a 70s album "if you are the -- i was 2 feet above the ground. she put me down. and she said i'm jimmy kimmel's mother. >> jimmy: that sounds about right. there she is right there. she is here watching you now. really, she is not jewish, i don't know why she would say that. >> i love your mother. that is a great mother to have if you are a comedian, actor, whatever. it is the best. >> jimmy: yeah, i guess so. jess. back to this johnny carson thing. was any one on more than you? that's a lot. >> no, bob hope was on more than i was. >> jimmy: johnny never wanted him on the show.

he would walk on the show. force himself on johnny. you were the most wanted guest probably? >> i was more or less wanted, yes. >> jimmy: you spent more time with johnny than probably some of his wives did, i think. >> i did. but you know -- the, i started with him, really, in new york and, in the '60s. i was in my early 20s. let me give you bottom line. i was bumped off the show, four times in a row. actually five times. so that means that every day i went from, never having been on the show, i went to the tonight show in new york with my agent, irvin arthur. they said you'll get on. they announced me. they bumped me to the next night. >> jimmy: that's what happened to matt damon. made him so mad. five times in a row? >> five times in a row. now it is the fifth time, you know, i am there again with my

agent. my mother would say to me, "honey, maybe you are not going to be on the show. but they're just going to say your name every night." so i said, no, mom, i think i am going to get on the show. so now i go in with irvin arthur, agent, my size, not much bigger, i said don't worry, i have talked to them. you are getting on the show tonight. there is no question about it. and i look at the rundown, and there is only one guest. and it's tony bennett. so i say, okay. this is, i'm going to get on. it is only tony bennett. so, carson comes out. he does an incredible monologue. usually it is 6 minutes it goes for almost two segments, the monologue. then heap do does stump the ban. audience is bravoing stump the band. which usually led to failure. that is working. everything is cooking. he and ed mcmahon talk, they're going on.

half the show is over. tony bennett hasn't come out yet. they break to a commercial. bring tony bennett out. tony bennett sit down. and they start to talk. and you know tony bennett, an amazing talent, but not exactly mr. word. >> jimmy: not chatty. >> not a chatty kathy guy. tonight, he is a combination of woody allen and mel brooks. laughs from the audience. the band, cooking, johnny says stay for another segment. he stays for another segment. tells a poignant story that is very touching. and then he goes back to another. it goes on for three to four more segments. finally, there is only one segment left in the show. and i said, irvin. irvin says "you just sit right here. i am going to take care of this." he goes outside broke for

commercial. the producer, at the time, he said you don't know who david steinberg, you have never put him on. he is going to be a star. you have got to treat him with more respect. i've was listening from inside the green room. i thought that was really impressive. i am impressed by this. this is great. and then irvin comes out. i said am i going to get on. you are not going to get on. get your coat on. but i guarantee you are getting on the they don't know how to treat you. we are walking out. as we are walking out. tony bennett says in the faint distance. now i would like to sing "i left my heart in san francisco." irvin said, wait a sec. i love this song. >> jimmy: what are you going to do? >> what are you going to do? >> jimmy, we stood there like schmucks in our coat and listened to "i left my heart in san francisco." >> jimmy: they made up for it with 140 appearances.

i watched your show today. terrific. very interesting. very loose. >> thank you. >> jimmy: the episode was bob newhart. i love what you do with it where you alternate. you go back, interviewing them individually. you go back and forth between them. >> they're never together. just catching the rhythm between them as they go back and forth. >> jimmy: just great. lot of fun to watch. take a look. it's "inside comedy." you have steve martin. >> drew cary, steve martin, lily tomlin. >> jimmy: i have heard of all those people. it's very impressive. called "inside comedy" monday nights, 11:00 on showtime. david steinberg. back with ben harper and charlie musselwhite. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought

to you by sony. hey! did you know that honey nut cheerios has oats that can help lower cholesterol? and it tastes good? sure does! ♪ wow. [ buzz ] delicious, right? yeah. it's the honey, it makes it taste so... ♪ well, would you look at the time... what's the rush? bee happy. bee healthy. with clusters of flakes and o's. oh, ho ho... it's the honey sweetness. i...i mean, you...love.

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony. >> jimmy: the album is called "get up" here with the song "i'm in, i'm out and i'm gone,"

ben harper with charlie musselwhite. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ don't want no high rise tombstone gonna gather up my things don't wanna ♪ ♪ hear you fussin' if it is or if it ain't and my life ♪ ♪ needs no witness and my burden is my own my burden is my own my burden is my own i'm in oh ♪ ♪ i'm out and i'm gone

gone gone gone ♪ you gotta answer to somebody you gotta answer to somebody if you didn't learn ♪ ♪ then you didn't read gonna live with it gotta live with it yeah what's a man to do ♪ ♪ what's a man to do gotta answer to somebody answer to somebody and i'm in oh i'm out and i'm gone ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ the death row preacher came through the back door to greet her hardly can blame her ♪ ♪ for trusting a one-armed lion-tamer she stepped in from a storm as dry as a bone ♪ ♪ the preacher thought to himself he never takes

care of his own ♪ ♪ she said look what your prayers look what they've done to me what can your ♪ ♪ prayers do for me preacher said careful talking to yourself 'cause you may ♪ ♪ be listening careful talking to yourself 'cause you may be listening i'm in oh ♪ ♪ i'm out and i'm gone ♪ ♪