would they say areas of minnesota are expected to get hit by p on wednesday? maybe they would. but while the temperatures may be cold, our hearts are warm and full of blood thanks to a special episode of the bachelor tonight. last night the bachelor visited the families of the final four bachelorettes so he could figure out exactly what went wrong in their childhoods that made them want to be contestants. and tonight they had shawn tells all. they described it as a preview as the rest shawn's journey. how is getting engaged to a real estate agent for two months and then breaking up a journey? not exactly blazing the oregon trail. all kidding aside, while it didn't exactly tell all, he did tell some and the some he told was not your typical bachelor stuff. >> tonight on the most dramatic bachelor special yet. shawn reveals everything. how does he really feel about

controversial contestant tea arre? does he sacrifice animals to the dark lord? the most revealing episode ever. only on abc. [ applause ] >> jimmy: the best part of this special tonight was something i still can't believe happened. this is real. we did not alter this or mess with this in any way. this is how the bachelor special actually ended tonight. ♪

>> jimmy: all right, all right. those were, i want you to know, those weren't just the credits. that was a list of all the people who should be very ashame of themselves. videotaping a man in the shower for ten minutes. with no soap even. on the same network on, this show when we have dogs humping, we have to blur it. but that's okay. and to have this happen during black history month, it is just outrageous. shame on everyone. here's more wholesome news on. valentine's day, a woman named tressa gave birth to two sets of identical twin boys. that's not a delivery. that's an occupy uterus rally. what's most amazing is they didn't use fertility drugs. this happened naturally. the odds of this happening even with drugs are 1 in 70 million which is comparable to the odds of winning a state lottery.

in this case she chose to take kids in a lump sum instead of one each year. the kids are ace, blaine, cash and dylan. a, b, c and d. you know, when gerbils have that many babies, they eat them. here's some semidisturbing news for those online. researchers have found people who use the internet a lot can actually suffer symptoms of withdrawal when they stop. not unlike drug addicts. they call it internet addiction. it is known by the more common name, porn addiction. the study was conducted by the university of wales and italy. the scientists took four dozen rats. they cab selled their insta-gram accounts and they observed the rats stopped licking themselves themselves found best ways to avoid the withdrawal, you could go the other way and never, ever stop using it. i'm not addicted to the internet.

i'm just in love with it. i don't like the term using it. no one is using the internet. the internet and i are there for each other. in all serious know frgs you do believe you're addicted to the internet, there are some great resources available online. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is funny. in new jersey, an assemblyman named charles maynor. he may want to lay off the web for a while. he got himself in some facebook-related trouble. this is the list of pages he has liked since the beginning of the year. practical living ministries, okay. paint ball authority. okay. big bootie freak. and you got knocked the f out man. videos of people getting beat up. big bootie freaks, you can probably figure that out on your own. these are on his public facebook page. i find that refreshing.

i respect the fact that he likes big butts and he cannot lie. some are upset by it. at first when he was asked about this, he said, i doubt very strongly that i would do something like that. which is politician code for, i absolutely did that exact thing you mentioned. he quickly unliked the pages on his facebook. but he said he had to ask his daughter for help. hey, honey, could you help daddy unlike the big bootie freaks page? i don't know how to do it. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. speaking of big bootie freaks, one of our guests is rob delaney. he is very popular. if you don't already, you should definitely follow him. to familiarize you with his unique brand of comedy, i was going on read some of his tweets for those who don't know him.

i figured it would be more fun to send a camera crew to the deli. >> who gives a [ bleep ]? i eat a horse, i'll eat your dog i'll eat your [ bleep ]. >> the story of the titanic speaks to me. i once tripped over a bag of ice at a party and then killed over 1,500 people. >> ask wolf blitzer. can i spray tan my baby? >> sort of rude to kiss your husband right in front of me when i've been looking at your boobs from behind a tree for 20 minutes. >> haven't had intercourse in a while so i'm headed down to the shipyard to make a bad decision. >> if you're a guy in a tank top, get the [ bleep ] away from me. >> you really got to hand it to

short people. because they often can't reach it. >> johnny's babies must be like [ bleep ] when they realized they will have to learn chinese. >> children give terrible gifts because they're poor. you do give terrible gifts. >> all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have to take a quick break. when we come back my cousin sal and his hidden cameras had some fun with moviegoers. plus, anthony edwards, mike piazza and rob delaney. so stay up, all right? [ male announcer ] everyday thousands of people are choosing advil®. my name is taho and i'm a fish guy. it's a labor of love. it's a lot of labor and it's a lot of love. i don't need to go to the gym. my job is my workout. you're shoveling ice all day long. it's rough on the back. it's rough on the shoulders.

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>> jimmy: hello there. welcome back. anthony edwards, mike piazza and comedian rob delaney are coming up and so are the 85th academy awards. the oscars are this sunday, february 24th. you can watch them live here at 4:00 eastern, 7:00 pacific. then it will be time for our after the oscars special. always a fun special to do. because movies are fun and no one has more fun at the movies than my cousin sal. from time to time we send cousin sal with cameras out into the world to pester and confuse. since the oscars are happening this weekend, we thought it would be wise to send him to a theater to have some fun with customers who showed up to see oscar nominated films of. >> how can i help you, sir? >> what does a medium popcorn look like? >> it is between small and large. >> yeah. let me have the medium one. >> what are you going to see? >> flight. >> flight? here's my impression of flight.

>> only i can land this popcorn. is that what it is like so far? >> i don't know. i haven't seen it. >> oh, all right. let me know how it is. >> i think you have to give me more popcorn. >> it comes with a free refill. do you want to use that now? >> yeah. >> i saw where most of it went. >> oh, yeah. the butter. i don't want it from the camera. >> i'll give you butter. >> you're going to be balling in "flight." at the end when the guy -- oh, boy. all right. here you go. butter ball popcorn of. >> what can i get you? >> small popcorn. >> do you have cash? $6. thank you. here you go. one small popcorn. >> that's a small? >> yeah. this is a fresh one.

>> do you want but the every? >> what's the size on the wall? >> that's extra small. >> that's not extra small. what you have in your hand is extra small. i want the small on the wall. >> we say extra like it's a good thing. >> could you get your manager? >> okay. hold on. i'll get him. >> hello, sir, i understand there is a problem. you ordered a small popcorn? >> extra small. >> give me a manager. >> i am the manager. what do you think this mustache signifies? >> oh, i forgot to change the name plate. >> which one? >> anna karenina? oh, argo. >> i don't know. >> that's good. how many you want in.

>> two. >> you're going to split it up? >> yeah. >> 11 for you. $6.50 for her. >> why is it 11 for me? >> that's how it is. she engaged me first. so you're going to see argo. it is really good. i think it was a little stretch when they made ben affleck fall in love with the iranian ambassador. >> i don't want to know about it. >> well, that's just at the very end. >> thanks a bunch. >> i gave you a ten. i gave you ten. >> okay. >> and you gave me -- i don't know what i doing. >> i get 50 cents back. >> i got back -- >> i don't think so. which one of you is good at math? >> i am. >> oh, you are. i have ten sheep and one of them is dead. how many do i have? >> 50 cents back. i gave you seven. >> all right.

let's talk about argo a little. what do you think of ben affleck? >> i like ben affleck. >> where's my 50 cents? i want 50 cents. >> wow! you drive a hard bargain. i want to talk to you about this movie. >> i don't want to know about it. >> why do you think they kill him at the end? because he sleeps with the girl? you're going to need something. when you get to the front, the password is ben affleck dies at the end. say that. they'll let you in. stop them! [ cheers and applause ] >> did you a really good job, thank you. >> they come in clumps now. we have a good show for you tonight. the great mike piazza is here. comedian rob delaney, and we'll be right back with anthony edwards. so stick around. [ snoring ]

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♪ i don't wanna be right [ record scratch ] what?! it's not bad for you. it just tastes that way. [ female announcer ] honey nut cheerios cereal -- heart-healthy, whole grain oats. you can't go wrong loving it. bee happy. bee healthy. with clusts of flakes and o's. oh, ho ho... it's the honey sweetness. i...i mean, you...love. >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight on the program, one of the greatest players in the history of baseball. this is his new autobiography. it is called long shot. making his triumphant return to los angeles, mike piazza is here with us. and then he's got a comedy special called live, it is out now. you can see him live at largo.

rob delaney is with us. tomorrow night, mike strahan will be here from the movie 21 and over. and we'll have music. and on thursday, kelly ripa. and our musical guest will be the mogleys. and then our after the oscars special on the east coast, we'll be on after the oscars and the late local news. and here on the west coast, at prime time at 10:00 p.m. our guests will be channing tatum and others. on sunday night. so please watch that. our first guest is an award winning actor whose impressive body of work includes roles as a doomed fire pilot, a doomed emergency room doctor and vengeful nerd. you can see him now in a world of conspiracy and intrigue.

zero hour airs thursdays at eight clog. please say hello to anthony edwards. [ cheers and applause ] >> that was a very dumb thing. you're an looker and you have a new show on which you are not a doctor but i think of you as a doctor. like if there were a medical emergency in this room right now, you would be the first guy i turn to. because in my brain, it has been imprinted that you are indeed a doctor. >> right. that's terrifying for me. i've actually been on a plane where a stewardess has said that, you should have been here yesterday because the guy had a stroke. i'm like, you want me on your flight when someone is having a stroke. boy. >> jimmy: that would be uncomfortable, i guess, but i do think of that. i see pictures and oh, look, the doctor is out on the town. >> the only time it's helpful is if someone gets cut or injured

themselves grab me, i'll take them to the emergency room. >> jimmy: that's good. you're a driver. close enough. >> some people good get restaurants at tables. i can get you to the head of the line at the e.r. >> jimmy: on the newsroom, you're an action hero, really, in a way. a lot of -- >> well, my version of an action hero. i'm not -- i was on "good morning america" the other day and bruce willis was there promoting -- and there's an action hero, right? you see the clips. then they show my clip. i'm like, i'm like bruce willis's awkward brother. you know? then you kind of examine your life and you think, i'm not really a hero. i have two longhaired chihuahuas that i have to walk every morning on madison avenue. in new york city. and i swear -- >> jimmy: look at that. >> the point is -- oh!

so there i am. i didn't know that you had that. no wonder. people walk by. i hear them. i can hear them going, is he gay? i think he is gay. i thought he had children. but maybe not. >> jimmy: you can have children and be gay at the same time. it is the two chihuahuas. >> my children laugh at me. i admit it. downtownon abby is my ring tone. >> jimmy: no, it's not. >> why? >> i like it. that makes me not really an action hero. >> jimmy: no, that deflt makes you not an action hero. >> here's the ultimate coming clean on. pbs, you can take test. and you can figure out which character you are. by answering the questions. so my kids took it. one was like lord grantham. i took the test and i was daisy.

really! i'm not even like -- >> jimmy: they once had one of those which late night talk show host are you? i took the test and i was conan. [ cheers and applause ] now you took a long break in between e.r. and doing this show. what were you up to? what were you doing? >> well, we moved to new york and we raised the kids and i, one of the big things we did was we took a year off and went around the world for a year. >> jimmy: that's very exciting. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: that much, i mean, that must have cost you a fortune for a sitter to leave the kids at home. [ laughter ] the kids came around the world? >> we would come back and see them on the weekends. yeah. we brought two teachers with us and we traveled. i was really, that was a huge thrill. >> jimmy: and you learned to fly a plane also during that time. >> i did. like about a year and a half

ago, i did something that i always wanted to do. because you know people are always going, like you're a goose, you should fly. >> jimmy: you're a goose, you shouldn't fly. >> but the deal with a goose, tom cruise killed me, okay? maverick killed goose. so it was even more incentive to learn to fly. when i took flying lessons, the big thrill is that you get, the first thing you get to do, you have to fly solo. that's the big first event. >> jimmy: okay. the first major step. >> so my instructor is a great instructor. they say, okay, i'm going to get out of the plane now. you've only been flying for like 13 hours. before we pull over, i'm thinking, i'm not a orkt. like he thinks i know how to play. like i've been pretending. >> jimmy: like the stroke thing on the plane. >> they have some tradition, they cut the back of your shirt off when you've soloed for the first time.

it is an old tradition because they used to teach to you fly by pulling on your shirt. the student would be in front of the instructor and they didn't community with head sets. so they used to teach, if you soloed they cut your shirt off. >> jimmy: so go left, go right. >> you didn't need the instructor anymore. >> jimmy: do you intentionally wear a crappy shirt that day? >> you try to. then you write something on it to give to your instructor. so in reference to it all, i wrote goose lives. i finally kicked the good looking guy out of the cockpit. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that has to be his best shirt tail ever. when we come back, zero hour is his show. anthony edwards is here. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

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>> jimmy: mike piazza is on his way. anthony edwards is with us. his new show is called "zero hour." i think you would do a better job than i have explaining what it is about. you're on the show and i'm not. >> the best hour of television. the reason why i got involved, it is a thriller. kind of a mystery thriller that is set up by the fact that i am an investigative reporter at a magazine. my wife gets abducted. it turned out the guy that abducted her is an international terrorist and there are moments of that, elements of that that throw back to 1938 nazi germany. and we are on our way to a big

international conspiracy. >> jimmy: this is base on the a true story. >> it is based on my life. i guess the fun part for me is that we're going to tell this whole story in 13 episodes. we had our first airing last week. and the next 12 episodes, you will get this whole mystery solved. every week there is a new reveal. and people aren't who you think they are. >> jimmy: and in the season it will be solved. >> that will be it. >> jimmy: you go all over the world on the show? >> yeah. we're in paraguay, india, germany, all through the magic of being in the five burroughs of new york. >> all shot in new york. >> jimmy: you learned to fly a plane for nothing. it was a terrible waste. >> i pretend to fly to work. >> jimmy: i think it's funny. people think like when they haven't seen an actor for a while like something has gone

terribly wrong. but what did you with you are why family, it seems lying it is the greatest. we could not get from vegas to b barstow. it is like something people don't get to do unless they're running from police. >> it was a great adventure. >> it is good to have you back and i'm sure your family is happy to have you out of the house. zero hour on abc. thursday nights. we'll be back with mike piazza. ♪ ♪ ♪

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>> jimmy: we're back with rob delaney, our next guest was drafted in the 62nd round of the 1988 baseball draft which is very low. he went on to become the greatest hitting catcher in the history of the game. his new memoir is called long shot. please welcome italian american superstar catcher mike piazza. [ cheers and applause ] they still love you. many years ago when i was a local sports reporter here, not really a reporter but a sports guy on k-rock radio here in los angeles, i bestowed upon you the

name italian american superstar catcher mike piazza. occasionally i would call you squatting jesus. i don't know if you're aware of that. and then the dodgers broke my heart and your heart as well and they sent you away for a brief stop in florida. and then you wound up with the new york mets, thank goodness. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and then i said you know what? i've had enough of these dodgers. they traded away steve garvey, my first favorite player and then they trade you away. and he gave them the middle finger and that was it for that. and i have to say, i'm happy to have you here. we haven't seen you in quite a while. >> it's been a while. you've been doing a lot. >> retired, having kids. the italians made me an offer i couldn't refuse. >> jimmy: do they know how to play baseball over there? >> they do. baseball was brought to italy by the servicemen after world war ii. so there has been a league there since 1948. >> jimmy: are they good? >> they're getting better.

getting better. we have an italian bored player now, a couple guys in the minor leagues. >> jimmy: when you say italian born, born there? and then six months later they moved him here? brought him to orange county or something? >> it's true. they're getting better. >> jimmy: is it different -- >> different. >> jimmy: in what ways? >> they just play on the weekend. it's like a hobby over there. we're trying to change that. we're trying to incorporate the american philosophy -- >> jimmy: so all week they won't practice? they just play on the weekends and that's that? >> yeah. >> jimmy: maybe it should be that way. player we're the ones -- >> they're the ones who know how to do it. >> jimmy: tommy lasorda, this book is unbelievable. i felt like i knew a lot about you but i didn't know a lot about you, i guess. for one thing, it is amazing that a guy with as much talent as you had. and i think there's this notion that suddenly you got good when

you were in the minor leagues. no. you were a very good high school player. one of the top prospects. and did you all the things that you needed to do to get drafted in the major leagues. and you did not get drafted in the major leagues initially. but your dad happened to be a buddy of tommy lasorda's and tommy insist that had the dodgers draft you. >> yeah. >> jimmy: even though tommy insisted they draft you, it seemed like no one else in the organization wanted you to be part of it. >> it's true. when i was drafted, my dad was like do you want to try him out? see what he can do? well, no. we'll watch him play. we'll follow him. and tommy said let me ask you. i went out and i'm hitting balls out of the ballpark. and tommy said if he was a shortstop, would you sign him now? he said absolutely. if he was a catcher, would you sign him now? absolutely. well, he's a catcher. he never told me that. so i got coerced into catching. which was the best thing that ever happened to me. cliche in baseball is, the

fastest way to the big leagues is catcher or left-handed pitcher. >> difficult to play catcher and it is a position that people don't covet. you learned to play catcher. it is really, the struggle is kind of -- really surprising. especially for a guy who hits the ball like you do. >> a lot of great stories. i came one the dodgers. to be coached by johnny roseboro and reggie smith and sandy koufax and all these guys from that golden age. it was something that was very beneficial for me. it was great. they're classic. >> jimmy: but it ended badly with the dodgers. and i remember it very well. the dodgers for some reason offered you well undermarket value. much less than you would have gotten from another team. and that kind of broke your heart. >> it did. it was a contentious time. i started the season. and they weren't too friendly. but it was an interesting time.

>> jimmy: it was positioned in a weird way in the media. i think nowadays that would never happen. people understand that players -- >> the team had just been sold by fox. fox bought the team from the o'malley's so it was going through a transition. they had never owned a team so they didn't quite get dynamics of negotiating with athletes. >> jimmy: they did a horrible job owning the team. they really did. they got much less money than they could have. >> the upside, i got to new york city eventually. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. your first day in new york. you're traded to the mets. you don't know you'll be traded to the mets until probably a day or two beforehand. >> well, that's it. i was getting in the shower before the game to go to the marlins stadium. and they said i think it will be the cubs. okay. i can do that. no, it's the new york mets. in one shower it went from chicago to new york. >> jimmy: that must have been a

long shower. >> and then on the flight to new york, i mean, i got all my stuff, equipment, and i'm on the plane. i'm sitting next to this guy on the plane and we started talking. and the guy says, yeah, i'll going to the mets game. it was like an 8:00 flight. the game is at 1:00. really. yeah. i'm going to go check out this new catcher they got. i said is this guy any good? yeah, i think he's a pretty good hitter. you think so. really. and i stopped there. i didn't want to say -- i didn't want to bruise my ego. >> did he figure it out in. >> when i got off the plane and there were cops there, yeah, he literally kind of looked at me. i was like -- you're the guy. i'm the guy. it was really funny. he had no idea. >> jimmy: what is the -- tommy lasorda is a great caring, obviously. it seems like from the book, your relationship is not the same with him since you left the dodgers. do you think he took personally? >> i will always love tommy. >> jimmy: he doesn't like you as

much nanymore. >> no. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm about. >> i know tommy and his form of love sometimes is kugs at me. >> jimmy: i've experience that had myself. when you lived in l.a., here's another thing i didn't know. one of your friends, of all the celebrities to be friends work you chose fabio. >> jimmy: fabio, yeah. >> how did this happen? >> well, i met him at a super bowl party one year. and we both like high end stereo equipment. so he was telling me about this company and these amplifiers. >> jimmy: the beginning of a pent house letter. >> i go to his house, hey, come over and listen to the stereo. i go every on there and he turns them all on. no, wait, they have to warm up. let's go get some breakfast. so we're having breakfast. and a tour bus goes by and

they're at him and they go there's fabio having breakfast. there's fabio having breakfast with mike piazza. hey, look, mike, i am one of only three people with my name on my amex card. madonna, cher and me, fabio. just the one name on the card. >> jimmy: that's great. >> it's true though. it's true. >> jimmy: there is a lot of fun stuff. if you're a baseball fan, i mean, just some of these stories. your home run right after 9/11 that was such a, one of the most important moments in baseball history. a lot of great stuff in here. the book is called long shot. you can buy it now. mike piazza, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: right back with rob delaney.

the swimsuit issue is on sale. i sent my pal to the lexus 3d show to get as close to the swimsuit models as was permitted by law. ♪ >> how are you in. >> what's happening back here? >> they told me about the swimsuit so i came in my speedo. >> you look better in your bikini than me. you should be on the cover. >> do you think so? >> i do. >> will you teach me how to dance a little bit? >> i think you're a better dancer than me. i think so. maybe you could show me a few moves. >> let me show you. >> together? maybe alone. all right.

okay. maybe not. maybe next time. >> i give her an 8. my wife told me to tell you that you can kiss me but only if it is on the lips. >> your wife said only on the lips. not on the cheek? no way. >> no? >> i need a ladder. >> i can't kiss you like that. a little quick one. >> wow! >> i got one. highway patrol, i got one. yeah! jimmy, this is the best job ever in my life. i love you! [ applause ] well, well, well.

growing up, we didn't have u-verse. we couldn't record four shows at the same time. in my day, you were lucky if you could record two shows. and if mom was recording her dumb show and dad was recording his dumb show then, by george, that's all we watched. and we liked it! today's kids got it so good. [ male announcer ] get u-verse tv for just $19 a month for 1 year when you bundle tv and internet. rethink possible.

has oats that can help lower cholesterol? and it tastes good? sure does! ♪ wow. [ buzz ] delicious, right? yeah. it's the honey, it makes it taste so... ♪ well, would you look at the time... what's the rush? bee happy. bee healthy. with clusters of flakes and o's. oh, ho ho... it's the honey sweetness. i...i mean, you...love. our next guest is an exceptionally funny man. you can see him in los angeles. follow his exceptionally funny work on twitter. please welcome, rob delaney! [ cheers and applause ] hello there. how are you, everybody? nice to see you all.

thank you. did you guys have a good day? i did. i had tacos for lunch. i had seven or eight of them. i had tacos important favor. that means tacos are fantastic and you should eat them at every opportunity. after i ate my tacos, i went across the street and i saw a cop across the street and he was eating a taco. i knew he was happy because he was experiencing what i just had. then a criminal came down the street and did a u-turn right in front of the cop. just an angry brazen u-turn. like an arsonist or a counterfeiter would do. the cop was like, what do i do? i've got a taco. and you know, he just took his fist and he went, honk! and then he goes, knock it off! he didn't even yell it. he just said it. i heard it because it was close enough. he was like, that will do.

protect and serve. i'm not just a taco guy. i was driving down the street the other day and i saw a really fun billboard. it was like a crudely drawn horizon like a little kid would draw. and then it had a sunrise coming out of it. i was already happy. a lot of ads are like, you're garbage. throw more money in the trash. it wasn't a normal sun. it was a pepperoni pizza. so the ad worked. i pulled over right away and i ate two pizzas without assistance. i don't keep hot pizzas in my car. i went to a restaurant and i ordered them. i do keep peanut butter in my car. my wife won't let me keep it in our house because i eat it like a monster like somebody was trying to commit suicide with peanut butter and it is upsetting to watch. so i keep two jars of it in the glove come part. i'll pull under an on-ramp near

the highway where we live and i'll park under there and i'll eat it like a fat spy with my pants around my ankles. there's also some woods near where we live. what i'll do, there is a shed in these woods. i'll in this there and eat in the shed when nobody can see me. the way i eat, it is like not okay in polite society. i was at a meeting recently and there was a conference table just covered with platters of food. really nice stuff like vegetables and fruits from around the world. beautiful stuff. mangos from senegal, et cetera. i just pushed all that stuff aside and i tore into this plate that had horrible orange crappy cubes of american cheese like room temperature and store brand stale chocolate chip cookies. and i just alternated between the two going, cheese, chocolate, cheese. taking razor's edge between the salty and the sweet. it was like a speed ball. if you don't know what that is,

that's when a junkie shoots coke and heroin at the same time. it is dangerous but not as dangerous as chocolate and cheese. i play hard. any way, i left the meeting after about 90 minutes of chocolate and cheese, and as i was driving away, all of a sudden i was like, hey, look at that. i'm going to throw up right now. and so i pulled over and i vomited catastrophically on the sidewalk in front of some old men playing dominos. i'm trying to pass on my appreciation of the finer things to my children. and the other day, i was in our bathroom hiding from my family and my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and he just kind of stared at me on the toilet. he was looking at me smiling like he had a secret. he is a cute little simple ton. then he took his hand out from behind his back and he handed me an onion. this is the cutest little gift. i scooped him up in my lap.

it is not the best gift. twaum like he gave me an onion. he gave me the onion that i bought and paid for. i scooped him up in my lap and father and son shared an onion together on the toilet the way you do. thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. thanks. [ cheers and applause ] >> rob delaney, everybody. it's vashl on his website. rob delaney.com. i want to thank anthony edwards, i want to thank mike piazza. tomorrow night, michael strahan, thanks for watching. "nightline" is next. good night. ♪