you tilt your head to the side, stick your tongue partway out and close your eyes halfway. so we asked people to tweet pictures of themselves doing this with the #dez'g. we got an outstanding response. ♪ you are so beautiful to me can't you see ♪ ♪ you're everything i hope for ♪ you're everything i need ♪ you are so beautiful to me [ laughter ] [ applause ]

>> jimmy: thank you. by the way, today -- i don't know who makes these holidays up, but today is national tooth fairy day. although shouldn't it be tooth fairy night? she's a vampire, right? she burns during the day? a new poll shows that the average amount of money the tooth fairy gives for lost teeth rose from $2.10 in 2011 to $2.42 last year. an illinois tooth fairy poll spokesman says it's good news for the economy, a good indicator that the news is going well, but the news is still bad for anyone whose job title is illinois tooth fairy poll spokesman. i did some research today. i think i finally figured out what the tooth fairy looks like. [ laughter ] the tooth fairy bears a striking resemblance to gary busey. the actor. in spartanburg, south carolina this week, authorities are on the lookout for the individual or individuals who broke into

the carrying, moving and storage company and stole $19,000 worth of girl scout cookies. they got away with short bread cookies and thin mints. i bet they're halfway to mexico by now. the problem with the mints is they're so thin, they're very easy to steal. authorities don't have any suspects, but i think -- i do find it interesting that honey boo boo all of a sudden is selling girl scout cookies on her facebook page. look at that, she's all dressed up. kind of used to seeing her with cheese doodles all over her. i forgot she was a beauty queen. honey boo boo is not a girl scout, but she has a friend who is so the friend offered to put an ad on their facebook page. today the girl scouts made them take it down. apparently they don't allow online ordering because they feel it defeats the whole purpose of the cookie program, which is to teach the girls about business and goal setting. which i always thought the purpose of girl scout cookies was so that your co-workers could force you to buy them from their kids. apparently i was wrong. [ applause ] it's probably for the best that the girl scouts shut her down,

though. because i'm not sure the boo boo home would pass a health inspection. that's what we're watching. speaking of honey boo boo, the company that makes her show announced this week that they're soon going to be airing in italy, australia, and the netherlands, and latin america, which i think is a terrible idea. i don't know that reality stars are best representatives. if you only knew americans from reality television, i mean, what would you think of us? this is a video presentation, i believe it's a school project made by a kid in india. >> hello, this is my final report for spring term titled "the people of america." americans are a fascinating people with a rich history and a diverse culture and an average weight of many, many kilos. they live primarily in group houses where they enjoy drunken

lady fighting, public urination, and bathing in a dump truck. their favorite foods are big novelty cakes and donkey penises. americans love to dance and sing and show their vaginas to strangers. sadly, there is very little job security, so many americans are fired. >> you're fired. >> so they must survive by hunting, crab fishing. and tragically, in the richest nation on earth, some children are forced to survive on nothing but spaghetti, ketchup, red bull, and mountain dew. in conclusion, america today may be a nation ravaged by storage wars, parking wars, and cupcake wars. but it remains a great country where if you work hard and don't wipe out, you can become paris hilton's best friend forever. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go.

the first lady today was on television discussing her haircut with dr. oz. first lady michelle obama appeared on the dr. oz show today. is it my imagination or is dr. oz a little bit weird? >> first lady michelle obama is back. how she's facing 50. >> i can't buy a sports car. might as well cut your bangs. >> that is terrific. what about a colonoscopy. >> i had one already. >> wish i was there. >> jimmy: the man loves a colonoscopy. pope benedict xvi is pope no more. he became the first pope to retire in 600 years. you have to wonder what a pope does in his retirement. i heard a rumor he already cashed in his 401k and bought a snake. from now on instead of his pope robe and hat, the vatican said

he will wear what they describe as stylish brown shoes. i actually -- how awesome would it be if he decided to start wearing ed hardy from head to toe? the pope spoke to the masses today gathered at the vatican and left them with a simple farewell. >> translator: brothers and sisters, seeing you, wouldn't want to be you. thank you, good night. i am audi 5,000. >> jimmy: he's older, he's not up on the lingo. my favorite part about today was when the pope left the vatican, he left in a helicopter, just like the bachelor. [ laughter ] did you know the pope is a helicopter pilot? for real. he has a helicopter pilot's license. but never got a driver's license. he can fly a helicopter, but he can't drive a car. just like jesus before him. just before he flew away, the pope sent one final official tweet.

he wrote thank you for your love and support, may you always experience the joy that comes from putting christ at the center of your lives. and then after that, when he was not pope, he sent a bunch of unofficial tweets to mark his post-pope era. rather than read those to you myself, we thought it would be fun to send a camera to the farmers market on fairfax. a lot of senior citizens hang out there. so we thought it would be more fun to have them read what we told them were tweets from the newly retired pope. s >> i'm totally freaking out. >> got offered "the bachelor." should i do it? >> can't decide, fish tacos or the chimmichanga. #what would jesus order. >> finished two hours on the elliptical. what's up? >> your move, hoobastank.

>> retweet if you like leviticus and chili cheese fries. they are good. >> "breaking bad"? more like breaking amaze balls. >> "downton abbey." never liked matthew anyway. hope he's roasting in hell. >> just realized how close my name is to poop. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: when we come back, "this week in unnecessary censorship." plus jim parsons, gavin newsom, and music from ziggy marley are on the way, so stick around. ♪ [ male announcer ] start with an all new award winning car. good. now find the most hard core driver in america. that guy, put him in it. what's this?

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>> jimmy: hello there, welcome back. jim parsons, lieutenant governor gavin newsom, and ziggy marley are coming up. but before we get to that, justin bieber -- i'm starting to become concerned about justin bieber. justin bieber was shopping at a mall in london this week, and for some reason, he chose to wear this. a gas mask. maybe he was having a bad bangs day. i don't know. he looks like darth vader if darth vader moved to west hollywood after the death star exploded. [ laughter ] but this is why justin bieber needs friends instead of security. if you have friends, they'd say you look like a dumbass in that gas mask. [ cheers and applause ] if he buys a monkey or gets a nose job, we need to intervene. a private space company called the inspiration mars foundation is work on an interesting project. in less than five years, they say they want to send a married couple to mars.

as a joke, they should put the wife's mother in there, too. the trip would involve flying to mars, circling the planet and flying back. it would take 16 months. they'd be packed into a small capsule. with minimum food. their urine would be recycled into drinking water. what a romantic honeymoon. it makes sense to send a married couple because they can give each other the emotional support they'll need on the long journey. which i'm guessing he has not been married before. because my parents would try to kill each other halfway to disneyland. you know what would be perfect for this mission, kim kardashian and kanye west. right? get them off the planet. [ laughter ] for 18 months. former nba star dennis rodman is in north korea right now. he's there to spread good will and syphilis. mostly syphilis. [ laughter ] rodman went over with the harlem

globetrotters to run a basketball camp and also to hang out with one of his fans, north korean dictator kim jong-un. what a great sitcom that would make. [ laughter ] rodman apparently stood up in front of the crowd at the game and told kim jong-un you have a friend for life. just when you thought dennis rodman couldn't get more likable, he makes friends with a hated foreign dictator. speaking of basketball, this is good. this has happened before the cavaliers-raptors game in cleveland last night. the announcers from nba tv canada got a surprise visit from toronto forward mikhail pietrus. he's from france. this is a special nba edition of "behind the news." >> what you lose in rudy gay's scoring, i think tayshaun prince and tony allen can take away. so the style they play -- it kind of fits in as we get some work here from mikhail pietrus. but i do think they have a chance to be successful without

rudy gay. but let's move on. the denver nuggets, 24-3 at home. they're tied with the miami heat in terms of home wins. >> jimmy: that's good. i love that the reporters continue as if there's not a giant man doing a bob flossy routine behind him. nicely done, mikhail. it's thursday night, time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> do you remember [ bleep ] me? >> many times. >> good luck tonight, i'm sure you'll meet a lot of stars. >> [ bleep ]. >> a slow start for the clippers turns into an all out [ bleep ] fest against charlotte. >> now you've got the gop big shots running the little people around and the little people in the party [ bleep ] the big shots. >> all the stuff you tried today, it was incredible. and then [ bleep ] the monkeys,

everything, i had so much fun. >> the person who [ bleep ] the most [ bleep ] will win an advantage. >> we're going to show you how to make the entree. it's going to be delicious. i'm going to go [ bleep ] a papaya. >> careful. >> i'm like yeah, and then i got [ bleep ] by hugh jackman. >> ang lee, i [ bleep ] love him. >> jimmy: we have a big show tonight. california lieutenant governor gavin newsom is here. we have music from ziggy marley. and we'll be right back with jim parsons. so stick around. so do you guys think being fast is better than being slow?

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for your iphone 5. >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back to the show. this is his new book called "citizenville: how to take the town square digital and reinvent government," california lieutenant governor gavin newsom is here.

and then, music from reggae royalty if there is such a thing. this is his album called "ziggy marley: in concert." ziggy marley from the sony stage. he's backstage with the lieutenant governor. marijuana will be legalized in california before this night is done. tomorrow night you can see all our favorite moments from the week compressed into one big episode. and then, we have a good line up for you next week, including kobe bryant, jessica simpson, zach braff, dominic monaghan, comedian jim jeffries, from "the walking dead," lauren cohan, from "the ben show" on comedy central, ben hoffman, and we'll have music from sean rowe, luke bryan, and rival sons. and on tuesday, we're shutting hollywood boulevard down, which the neighbors love, for a very special performance from the sound city players featuring rick springfield, john fogerty, and dave grohl of the foo fighters. our first guest is a talented

actor who has two emmys, one golden globe, and still no soul train award for his role as sheldon cooper on the big hit show "the big bang theory." watch it thursday nights on cbs, please say hello to jim parsons. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, we do kind of match. >> we do, we match. >> jimmy: there's only so much variety when it comes to suits. >> it's matching. >> if i had known, i would have worn a white striped tie. i heard something about you that i find very hard to believe, even though i know it's true. that you're turning 40 in a few weeks. >> march 24th, i'll be 40. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you seem much younger than that. >> i feel young in many ways, i do. >> jimmy: i think the last time you were here, which wasn't very long ago, you said you were still getting carded.

>> i did get carded for a long time. i quit everything that you get carded for. i don't smoke, i don't drink, i don't go to clubs. it's a boring life. but i don't know if it was because i looked young. the more i think about that, the more i think anything you need to be carded for, i never had a lot of confidence going into the situation. i think it was more like the way i held myself. like he doesn't know what he's doing. something's wrong here. it must be because he's young. >> jimmy: it could be. you always have that friend who is elected to go into the 7 eleven. >> you ask the -- i was going to say something weird. you ask the man to buy your beer. >> jimmy: you were not that friend. >> i am not that friend. >> jimmy: are you going to do a big thing for your birthday? >> i will have a few people over. i'm going to have a few people over to my house. i'm going to fly in my mother for it. >> jimmy: your mom wants to be a part of it? >> aw. well, she's been there for 39 of them. she's horrified about it. that's not the right word. but can you imagine a

40-year-old child? >> jimmy: it is strange. >> parents take on a lot of things about their kids as a reflection about them. that's ridiculous. age is not one of them. she old. you know? i love you, mom. >> jimmy: the weirdest part is changing them when they get to 40. >> right. it's awkward. the breast-feeding. >> jimmy: are you having a midlife crisis or anything like that? >> i feel pretty good about turning 40. i was trying to think, have any of my behavior changed? the only weird -- it's not even that weird. the only different thing i've done lately is trying to learn a foreign language. i picked up rosetta stone french. and i do think it is some sort of recapturing -- a lot of times i'm looking at this french thing from college because i'm horrible at, and kids, you really do waste your life when you don't apply yourself, and i regret it now. no habla espanol. but i don't habla french very much either. i figured i should dive in.

i don't know. i just would like to -- you can feel part of your brain going, what? >> jimmy: learning kind of stops at a certain age. >> it feels like it. the rosetta stone, they use like the immersion tactic. it can't really happen, because that would be like if you planted yourself there and everyone speaks french and you have to get along. but nothing is translated for you. they don't speak in english. it's all done with, they speak it, they show you the written french, they show you pictures to associate. you just have to make the connections. and i do feel like i've gotten too old -- i'm like i can't, i'm not a baby, this is not how i learn anymore. so i've had to supplement with it all kinds of work sheets. i really have verb work books and charts and everything. i sound like i should know something. i don't. >> jimmy: you really, really applied yourself for this. >> i am really applying. bonjour. >> jimmy: do you have a tutor or a class? >> what's funny is one of the best things, i think, if i would

ever do it about rosetta stone is when you hit certain milestones -- it's like five dvds. >> jimmy: i bought one for italian. the box is so heavy that i put it in the closet and that's that. >> the ear thing goes on. every time you log on, you have to go one, two, three, four, five. >> jimmy: i never even got that far. did not open the box. >> you would enjoy -- i don't know that you would enjoy it. i can't say that. at a certain point, you're supposed to do -- log on for your session. and you're supposed to have a one-on-one with a native speaker. not necessarily a one-on-one. but maybe at most three or four other students. >> jimmy: over the internet? >> over the internet. they'll be on like skype. and you wouldn't. you would be vocally with them but they can't see you. which thank god. can you imagine? i don't really want to go back to school. >> jimmy: big bang theory! >> that's true. a whole other problem. i have missed two sessions so far. i mean, nobody's grading me.

a week later, it's time again. and i'm scared to death. i have such anxiety about logging on. i don't feel like i know enough. >> jimmy: right. it's weird, even though it's not like they're going to send your grade to your parents. >> it doesn't matter. no. at all. but i don't want to fail and i really do want to learn it. >> jimmy: i have to say, first of all, the french people are so kind to americans, it won't matter that you don't know. [ laughter ] >> you've never been there, have you? >> jimmy: and if you just speak to them in english with a big insulting french accent, they love it. you will be welcomed with "ze open arms," as they say over there. we're going take a break. jim parsons is with us. "the big bang theory" comes back thursday on cbs. we'll be right back. ,, the patient, presented with

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>> jimmy: that's what people don't realize. in the commercial breaks, we're just sitting here chatting like regular people. it's unbelievable. >> when things are going well, we are. an awkward guest and awkward host, you don't. >> jimmy: that's when the producer comes over and pretends

to be talking to you about something. >> drink a lot of water. >> jimmy: i want the show something. this is a pretty big deal. >> it's beautiful, too. >> jimmy: this is a bazinga bee. >> he's not lying. there's a weird science word in front of it. >> jimmy: this is your catch phrase from the show. this has become a part of nature now. >> our world, yes. >> jimmy: this is something that some fan of the show -- >> i guess so. i mean, from what little i understand about it, most of science, i think that this bee was somehow kind of like hidden from them. kind of played cat and mouse from them. for a long time it was there and they couldn't see it. and it went ah, bazinga. but it's beautiful. it's a beautiful iridescent on that. >> jimmy: do you not know the scientific things, the things you say. the dialogue? do you not know what they mean? >> i for sure try to know a cursory knowledge of why is he bringing this up.

the brilliant thing they do is they put in these scientific knowledge that sheldon or any of the characters bring up to make an emotional point. that's what i think is so lovely about it. and they're very true to the science. it's never bs science. >> jimmy: do the writers on the show have backgrounds? >> some of them have backgrounds. mayim, she plays my girlfriend on the show. she's a neuro something or other. a brain something. >> jimmy: i thought she was blossom. >> after she was blossom, she got real smart. we'll be in scenes in her lab. she'll be like you would slice a brain thicker than that. or thinner. i'm like -- i at one point said if you need me to start doing this now, you need to replace me because i cannot take the leap to critiquing your science on the show. >> jimmy: do you get that with people where they'll say you didn't get this right? >> well, david salsberg is our science consultant. he has been the whole ride. he's brilliant.

he literally is. he is so good at it. he's so true to it. we've had so few complaints. he plants like little easter eggs through the set on whiteboards like a science joke. but sometimes he'll have to correct something. and the hard part is that even if you try to kind of understand it, you're never going to -- i'm not at least going to understand the science at a deep enough level. >> jimmy: you're right in saying i wouldn't understand. >> you wouldn't either, jimmy. it's true. i6'& dancemju5 dialogue because you just have to be able to -- and if he at the last minute is like actually, there would be one extra word in there, i'm like oh, my god! you can't do that to me! we'll just have to do it until i can say it right because i just spent the whole weekend memorizing this dance, science jargon. but they're good about it. they're really careful with that. it's rare that they make that happen. >> jimmy: it's almost like the rosetta stone for you. >> it is a little rosetta-ish.

>> jimmy: except without the headphones. >> i understand this less than i do the french, sadly. >> jimmy: it's good to have you here. thank you for coming. >> it's good to be here. >> jimmy: congratulations on the success of the show. "big bang theory" thursday nights on cbs. we'll be right back with the lieutenant governor. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] get sweep. and get email that keeps your inbox in order, automatically.

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>> jimmy: our next guest is the former mayor of san francisco and current lieutenant governor of california. his new book is called "citizenville: how to take the town square digital and reinvent government." please welcome the honorable, gavin newsom. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: honorable, is that appropriate? >> what are you doing with a politician on your show? what were you possibly thinking?

>> jimmy: i said if you bring me a politician, he must be very, very handsome. >> god bless you. obviously that's for another show. a politician with a book. >> jimmy: you are the lieutenant governor of the state. >> i know you're impressed. >> jimmy: well, i am impressed by that. i've heard you are not impressed by that. >> no one know what is a lieutenant governor does. >> jimmy: what does a lieutenant governor do? >> you wake up every morning, read the paper, looking in the obituaries for the governor's name. that's pretty much it. >> jimmy: are you rooting for governor brown's demise? >> no, he's the youngest 74-year-old in the country. he's doing fabulously well. there are a lot of fun things we do. but we're the butt of a lot of jokes. >> jimmy: what's the most fun thing? >> coming on with you is a good example. but you were misled. >> jimmy: i would bring you on if you were the mayor. >> did you know that governor arnold schwarzenegger used to be governor of california? the actor.

>> libersten to me now. >> i had the time of my life. whatever you think about his politics, as he good person. this thing ain't live, is it. >> no, no. >> you know, you go in. going in that smoking tent, remember? having a cigar. the whole thing was surreal. >> jimmy: he went into the smoking tent? sitting there with the big cigar. >> what are you doing, these gay people, marrying them, it's crazy. >> jimmy: you did do that. it was very controversial. it was 2004. [ applause ] before things changed, you decided to start marrying -- same-sex marriages, you decided to start granting them. >> nine years ago this last week. we married 4,037 couples from 17 countries and 46 states.

[ applause ] what a wonderful book mark. today the president of the united states came out with a brief in support of marriage equality. in the idea that in ten years a president would actually use the word marriage equality and support same-sex marriage is an extraordinary thing, so i couldn't be more proud of him and the progress this country has made. [ applause ] >> jimmy: and what about the letter, maybe even more significant, the letter that many prominent republicans sent to the supreme court saying -- >> who would have thought? >> jimmy: who was on that list? >> it tends to be mostly ex-politicians. three ex-governors. a number of notable consultants, republican consultants and a few congressmen. two republican congressmen that had the courage to not wait until they're out of office to say what they think privately. you know this about politicians. we tend to say one thing privately and do another thing publicly and it does take courage to stand up against your constituency in some cases and say what you actually think. >> jimmy: what do you think as

far as things people say privately and say publicly. what's the number one thing? >> marijuana. >> jimmy: really? >> you can't find -- i honestly -- maybe it's an age cohort thing. democrat and republicans all say -- i mean, overwhelming majority say one thing about legalizing and don't have the courage to say it publicly. i was among them for a couple years. but about six months ago, i said these laws are doing more harm than good and i support tax and regulating marijuana. so it turns out i'm the only statewide official, democrat or republican, in california that supports that position. >> jimmy: and you're high right now. >> i saw ziggy in the back. [ laughter ] i was looking for that justin bieber gas mask. you haven't been back there. >> jimmy: yeah, i can't go back there before the show. bad things will happen. >> he convinced me. ziggy convinced me. >> jimmy: have you found that your supporters have changed since you -- >> i haven't been re-elected yet, so we'll see what happens.

i remember nine years ago, 30%, 35% of americans supported marriage equality. now over 50%. for politicians, here's the fundamental. you can read the polls or you can change the polls. you can look back and say would have, could have, should have. i think people want more authenticity and leadership. right now we have politicians quarreling, not leading. they need to demonstrate through real commitment that they want to change things and not just wait for the appropriate politically opportune time, but stand up on the things you believe in. >> jimmy: well, of course that's a great idea. unfortunately it doesn't seem like people respond to that. we don't like the idea that big corporations will buy ads to convince us and yet we go along with it and vote based on these ads and do these things. but your suggestions in this book are -- you're talking about the internet and how involved we are with social media.

and you're saying that maybe the government should be more like that. >> i don't know about you. three letters. dmv. you know, with respect -- the experience we have waiting in line at the dmv, when we can go online and we can order shoes that will be delivered at our doorstep the next day, we can order groceries and we finally get to the end of the line at the dmv, we're filling out forms in triplicate. it's disconnected from the world we're living in. in most cases, the government is not particularly favorable. so i want to try to humanize government and we lay out very specific and prescriptive ideas to dramatically reform government and meet people where they are and have the same kind of ease and access that you would find in most of your experiences online at amazon and places like that. >> jimmy: yeah. that is the way to go. [ applause ] and it is infuriating when you see that. and you sometimes think maybe if private companies were running these things, it would be better. >> i get that frustration. government is not a business,

and i don't necessarily think we should be motivated by profit, but we've got to be motivated by treating our customers with respect and giving them choices. right now you've got government that just provides you one simple standard and doesn't necessarily customize the world to your needs. but we're living in a world where everything is customized for us. we still deal in compartments. and departments and organization charts. meanwhile, the rest of us deal in interests. so we have to change this dialogue. >> jimmy: you know what we've got to do? we got to get rid of the people. take people out of the equation. >> computerize it. >> jimmy: computerize everything. i want every interaction i have to be like the atm. [ laughter ] yes? yes. we need a robot governor! but wait, we have a robot governor. that didn't work out. well, it was very interesting. the book is called "citizenville." it is available now. gavin newsom, our lieutenant governor. thank you, gavin. we'll be right back with ziggy marley.

>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is brought to you by sony. st. patrick's day is only three days away. to celebrate, we sent my favorite irishman guillermo to learn to pour the perfect pint. >> hi. i'm guillermo. i'm going on learn how to make beer. guinness beer. over there. where they make guinness beer. there are six steps. one, catch your glass. two, but the finger like that. okay. beautiful. and then at an angle, 45 degrees. we put the beer in nice and smooth. the third step. >> good throw. >> i need a new glass. hold on. >> when the beer comes to the top of the hop, we put it like

that. and then the beer come alive. >> it is moving. >> we take it there and the fifth step, would you like the top yours off? >> push it away nice and slow. >> if i mess up, it's your fault. careful now. delicate. >> hello, you look beautiful. >> in ireland we always drink our beer with our eyes first. >> i want it in my mouth first. >> the perfect pint. >> all right. let's go. >> happy st. patrick's day!

>> jimmy: this live album is called "ziggy marley: in concert." here with the song "personal revolution," ziggy marley! ♪ ♪ i need i need a revolution my

own revolution a personal revolution ♪ heartbreak is so hard to take and i lay down in the bed that i make ♪ ♪ crying, crying tears of change fighting, fighting every day ♪ ♪ there must be a better way ♪ i need i need a revolution my own revolution a personal revolution ♪ ♪ baby i need i need a

revolution my own revolution ♪ ay i don't like the hypocrisy is this democracy there is no voice for me ♪ ♪ in your philosophy tainted theology oh can you save me who can save me ♪ ♪ who can save me revolution ♪ ♪ who has the power i do who has the say i do who has the play i do i will find a way who has the power i do who has

the say i do who has the play i do and i will find a way cause heartbreak is so hard to take ♪ ♪ and then i lay down in the bed that i make crying, crying tears of change ♪ ♪ i'm fighting fighting every day there must be a better way ♪ ♪ ♪ so i need i need a revolution my own revolution my personal revolution ♪

♪ i don't like the hypocrisy is this democracy there is no voice for me in their philosophy tainted theology oh can you save me oh who can save me who can save me revolution yeah ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ziggy marley in concert is out now. i want to thank jim parsons. i want to thank gavin newsom. i want to apologize to matt damon. thank you for watching. "nightline" is next. good night.