tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 20, 2013 11:35pm-12:35am PDT
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new time slot. you guys are really kicking ass. that half-hour makes such a -- i drive a truck in the morn, so i -- i'll talk to you about it later. >> jimmy: tell the rest of the family i said hello also. the way this will work is a pedestrian will stand outside quietly next to sal. because if we heard them speak, it would be too easy. i will try to determine based on appearance alone if they are from a foreign country or right here in the good old usa. let's meet our first participant. foreigner or not. they try to make it hard for me. i don't see any words. okay. oh, those are american sneakers. probably made in another country. let's see. wow, you know what? i'm going to say not. i'm going to guess that you are an american. >> nope. >> close, close.
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>> jimmy: really? you're from england? >> yeah. >> jimmy: they let you be like that there, huh? >> that's why i'm here. >> jimmy: sal has something for you. it is a whole american apple pie. so enjoy that. let's do another one. all right. i hope she's one of ours. let's have a look at the whole thing, especially the shoes. they're very helpful to me. oh, not that helpful. boy. now, i could guess that they would put an american second. can you zoom in on that necklace. maybe that will give me a clue of some kind. nothing there. zoom in on that mole right there below the necklace. that doesn't really help either. >> that's a lot to zoom in on. >> jimmy: i'm going to say
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american. >> yep. >> there you go. >> jimmy: an apple pie for you. thank you very much. let's do one more. who do we have here. >> this guy. >> okay, wow. the no socks is a big one. no socks. he's wearing suede topsiders, orange pants. well, if he is an american, we're deporting him right after this. i am going to say not. i'm going to say foreigner. >> oh, jimmy. >> jimmy: you're american, huh? >> yes, i am. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> chicago. >> really? you on vacation? >> no, i live here now. >> jimmy: oh. well, thanks for nothing. here's your apple pie. thank you very much. sal, you stay there.
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and i always think i'm good at this and it turns out i'm not. march madness is upon us. the first round finished up in dayton tonight. the field of 64 is now set. people are saying i'm mispronouncing gonzaga. listening you're the ones that named your school gone sa go ahead and i'm the idiot. and i looked it up. it's named after an italian guy so it's gonzaga. may god strike me dead if it isn't. see, i'm right. [ applause ] >> jimmy: the president filled out his ncaa bracket. there he is filling it out. a bomb ma picked indiana, louisvil louisville, florida, and ohio state to reach the final four. he had indiana to win, but republicans in the house blocked that. and he was forced to take fresno
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state. there are always great moments in the ncaa championship. but it will be hard to top this great moment from a woman's community college basketball championship in nebraska. the north platt community college lady knights beat dakota college and celebrated that victory by dumping gatorade on your coach like you do. >> is the video rolling? >> jimmy: there were three fatalities. they really need to stop doing that. unless the coach is on fire, actually engulfed in flame, no more gatorade. put it down. even though our nation is focused on march madness, there's more important stories going on. but we'll skip that to bring you tonight's edition of "how is this news?" >> does it kind of look like a chicken to you, too?
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>> jimmy: all hail the chicken god. speaking of chickens, this is remarkable. so i will remark on it. a chicken in china laid that giant egg. three times the size of a chicken egg with half a pound. when they cracked the egg open they found two yolks in it. and not only that, they found inside the egg another egg. and then when she cracked that egg open. it had another yolk in it. it's unbelievable. the chicken gave birth to a denny's grand slam breakfast. unfortunately the chicken was arrested under china's strict one hen one egg law. the next day, back to work making iphones.
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i think this is from the local affiliate in philadelphia. they don't look like they were fighting. >> the spca are on the scene. they believe 8 to 10 dogs are on the scene. that there's the shadow of the one of the dogs we've been watching. there's both of the dogs we spotted in the backyard right there in the middle of your screen. and you can see there are -- that one dog is -- is changed up right now. 6300 block of norwood street. >> he's a lover not a fighter. >> so the chinese people open the egg and there are two eggs that come out. >> jimmy: sal, sorry to bother you. i'm going to guess american
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right off the bat because she understood what you were saying, yes? >> wrong again. tell him. >> jimmy: where are you from? do you need medical attention? >> switzerland. >> jimmy: oh, of course. i should have known that. it's on all our knives. there's a nice apple pie. stay there and we'll check back with you. okay, all right, today, by the way, is the first day of spring. the birds are springing, the flowers are blooming. not here in los angeles. the first day of spring is the time of great beauty. so here to usher it in is our parking lot attendant guillermo performing a dance. ♪
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♪ >> jimmy: what's going on here? we're throwing flowers a the a flower? that's like cannibalism. guillermo, spring came and the flower died? >> yeah. that's what it was. >> jimmy: all right, thanks. thank you, guillermo, everybody. we're going to go to a break. we really need a break. we're exhausted. when we come back, halle berry, elle fanning, and music from
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♪ an) 3 days of walking to give a breast cancer survivor a lifetime-- that's definitely a fair trade. it was such a beautiful experience. (jessica lee) ♪ and it's beautiful (woman) why walk 60 miles in the boldest breast cancer event in history? because your efforts help komen serve millions of women and men
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facing breast cancer every year. visit the3day.org to register or to request more information today. it was 3 days of pure joy. ♪ and it's beautiful >> jimmy: welcome back. halle berry, elle fanning and red-gold-green are backstage practicing their routine. the first day of spring comes on the vernal equinox. do you know what that is, the vernal equinox? it sun shines directly on the equator so we get an equal amount of night and day. we thought the vernal equinox would be a fun subject for our confusing question of the day. we went out on hollywood boulevard today and asked pedestrians, do you think the
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vernal equinox can bring peace to the middle east tournament bracket? now obviously that makes no sense at all. but as we discovered time and time again. when staring into a tv camera, people will answer any question, even if they have no idea what it means. >> do you think the vernal equinox can bring peace to the middle east tournament bracket? >> i pray to god it will bring peace to the middle east tournament bracket? >> do you think it causes more insider bracketeering? >> no, i don't think it causes any bracketeering internally. >> do you think the vernal e equinox should be focusing on what's going on in the u.s.? >> i agree. we need to focus and fix ourselves before you can fix other people. you can't send a wounded medic to heal people. >> that would defeat the whole
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purpose of a vernal equinox. >> true that. >> you don't think the vernal equinox can't bring peace to the middle east? >> too no, i'm sure it's a complete disaster. >> how do you explain the vernal equinox bringing down the berlin wall. >> i'm sure that's not the reason. >> have you ever seen a vernal equinox? >> have you opposed to the summer solstice? >> not completely, not entirely. but i would rather see our country focus more on our own country. there's a lot of starving and hunger we can put our vernal equinox to. >> what about the aural borealis. >> i would have no know more. >> you're more of a vernal
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equinox guy? >> yeah. >> this is vernal and down here is more equinox. a. >> fashion flavor nudity and tastes like californication. >> are you okay? >> i'm better than okay. >> fill out your middle east bracket for peace and get your vernal equinox checked. >> okay. >> jimmy: in really show news, are you familiar with the show " bachelor pad." this is a show on abc where they take all the most despicable conte contestants and lock them in a mansion until someone is either pregnant or dead. it's a fun show. but i'm sad to inform you that "bachelor pad" will not return
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this summer. >> the bachelor pad is empty because they're all setting sale fwr the bachelor cruise. 20 to the most repulsive bachelors and bachelorette are boarding a broken down carnival cruise ship for the trip of a lifetime. things get intense. >> urine, feces, all that. >> yes. >> will they find love? will they find food? who will end up in the fantasy sewage suite. "bachelor cruise -- sea of herpes" coming up on abc. >> jimmy: let's go out to cousin sal for one more round of "foreigner or not." you don't make them easy, do you? >> we found this guy like this. i'm serious. >> you found him like that. you didn't deck rorate him in a way? >> i swear to every god.
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>> those shoes could go any way. oh, boy, that hair, who knows where that's from. he's got a japanese camera. his shirt is inexplicable. okay. hey, let me ask you a question, you don't have to say anything, but how would you pass a football. not, he is not! he's a foreigner. oh! he's a sneaky american is what he is. give him a pie. all right. all right. thank you. we have a good show tonight. elle fanning is here with us. music from red gold green, and we'll be right back with halle berry. so stay up. only the best dishes make applebee's 2 for $20 menu,
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gold green from the sony stage. you can see them live on the warped tour this summer. tomorrow night, ellen pompeo will be here as well as former bachelor and current dancing star sean lowe will be with us. i need to ask him about this born again vir jing thing. he's a born again var gin. i don't know what that's about. and lianne la havas. our first guest is an oscar-winner, an emmy winner, and a golden globe winner. she's just a winner overall. she has a big hit new movie titled "the call" in theaters now, please welcome halle berry. >> good to see you, too. thank you. >> the last time you were here, the first lady was here as well. that was quite a night for me. >> me, too. it was my lucky day. >> you did talk to the first lady as i recall. >> i did.
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>> i got taken in the room. >> oh, taken in the room. >> yeah, it was fun. >> very nice. here you are, last time i think we talked about your -- how old is your daughter? >> just turned 5. >> she just turned 5? >> saturday. >> did you have a big party for her? >> well, at 5 they really don't know what day is the day. so we are having the party this weekend. >> oh, you are. >> we're having a little pony bowling party. >> jimmy: will the ponies bowl? >> no, no, no. ponies don't bowl. no. but you have kids, right? . >> jimmy: mine are in college. they need big full-sized ponies now. and when they bowl, they're drunk. >> no. mom might be drunk. >> jimmy: do you bowl? >> not well. but i'm going to bowl. >> jimmy: when you go bowl, will
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you put on the shoes that they have at the place? >> absolutely not. i have my own bowling shoes. >> jimmy: you have your own bowls shoes? >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. and you don't even bowl. that's when you know you made it. >> someone gave me at a gift once and i thought i'll keep these maybe isle go bowling one day. >> jimmy: then you don't have to spray it down or anything. hey, do you happen to need a spring flower at the party? i happen to know one. >> he's a flower? >> jimmy: i think the kids would like him, right? >> i love kids. >> kind of creepy. >> jimmy: does your daughter
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know you are an actor? is she aware of what mommy does for a living? >> no, she doesn't know. she thinks i wear pretty dresses. that's my job. but i got a lot of credit lately because i did ""sesame street."" >> jimmy: i have a photograph of that with you on "sesame street." we have elmo looking on. >> i was talking about how to nibble. now she thinks i'm part of "sesame street." that's what she thinks i do. >> jimmy: did she watch it over and over again? >> yes. all the time on the ipad. she just loves it. when her friends come over, she likes to say my mommy met elmo and she makes them watch the -- she's so proud. >> jimmy: it must be so confusing. why is mommy meeting elmo? and did you bring her to the show? >> no, no. because i didn't think she needed to see that elmo was just a pup mpet on a stick.
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she thinks elmo lives. >> jimmy: he does live. he's not a puppet on a stick. >> she's not watching this tonight. >> jimmy: it's like telling your kids there's no santa. i think they're careful not leaving the puppets lying around deadish. because it does traumatize not just -- i think i would be traumatized if i saw ernie or better in a coma in the corner. that wouldn't be any fun at all. >> across the street from us, we have the wax museum. the famous wax museum. and there's a wax figure of you in that wax museum. i have to say most of those wax figures over there are pretty good. but this is -- this is -- this is the worst one i've ever seen. >> those are not my boobs. >> those are my boobs, oddly. >> and that's not my hair either. >> jimmy: that's not your hair, and you look like emelda marcos
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kind of in that. have you ever seen this thing? >> i have seen it. i actually went to the museum and actually saw it. >> jimmy: did they have the artist there? >> no, no. i just went on a regular day. it wasn't for the unveiling or it or anything. i just went on a regular day. >> jimmy: you went as a tourist? >> i did. >> jimmy: did you buy a ticket? >> i did. >> jimmy: really? that must have been weird for the people in line. one of the wax figures has escaped! did people recognize you? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what did they say to you? >> what was i doing there? >> jimmy: what were you doing there? >> just looking at the things. >> jimmy: these? >> i really wanted to see it. >> jimmy: have you ever contacted them to maybe make some suggestions about some things? i mean, it really does seem like they could clean this up a little. maybe a little less sweaty even.
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really glistening in this thing. we're going to take a break. halle berry is here. she's got a hit new movie. it's called "the call." we'll be right back. [ engine revving ] ♪ [ male announcer ] every car we build must make adrenaline pump and pulses quicken. ♪ to help you not just stay alive... but feel alive. the c-class is no exception. it's a mercedes-benz, through and through. see your authorized mercedes-benz dealer for exceptional offers through mercedes-benz financial services.
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. >> 911, what is your emergency? >> please, please. >> what's your name? >> casey, casey. i'm in the trunk. >> we are going to find you, okay, honey? >> do you promise? >> she's got the best team of people in this whole city working to find you. but in order for us to help you, i need you to help me. can you see the taillight? look for the red glow, okay, sweetheart? is there any way you can break it out? good work. i need you to stick your arm out and wave it, wave it, wave it. okay? here's the plan, i want to see if any other car is going to be able to notice you, okay? let me know when you've done it, okay? >> jimmy: that is "the call" in theatres now. do they really do that? would a 911 operator suggest
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someone do something like that? >> oh, yeah. i think our writer got ideas from the real operators, what would they really do? >> jimmy: did you work as a 911 operator to prepare for this. . >> oh, yeah. i listened to live calls, taped calls. i even listened to one of my own calls. about a year before i did this movie, i found myself having to call 911 myself. >> jimmy: you did? >> yes. someone was trying to break into my property. and i called 911. and i remember, the scary part of it for me was i thought he was in my house. and when i told the operator he was in my house, she told me be quiet, you've got to stop talking. and the last thing i could do was stop talking. and i kept talking. she kept saying ma'am, stop talking. and i said but i can't stop talking. i'm scared to death. thank god my daughter's not here. she kept saying ma'am, shut up. stop talking. at one point i had to put my
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hand on my mouth. i could not stop talking. when i got, you know, doing the research for this, they said we save every single call, do you want to see if we can find it? i actually got to hear my own 911 call. >> i would like to hear my own 911 call. >> when you're drunk? >> jimmy: i have a salami trapped in my throat. that's kind of weird that they can access any of them? >> yeah, they save them. . >> jimmy: and thigh knew it was you and you know they were probably talking about it at the office there. >> right. >> jimmy: so keep quiet when you call 911. >> although you should tell them something. don't you think so, guillermo? >> i agree with you. >> jimmy: it's hard to ignore him dressed like that. go change into regular clothes. no, stay like that, never mind. it's called "the call and it's in theatres now.
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we'll be right back with elle fanning. [ female announcer ] going to sleep may be easy, but when you wake up in the middle of the night it can be frustrating. it's hard to turn off and go back to sleep. intermezzo is the first and only prescription sleep aid approved for use as needed in the middle of the night when you can't get back to sleep. it's an effective sleep medicine you don't take before bedtime. take it in bed only when you need it and have at least four hours left for sleep. do not take intermezzo if you have had an allergic reaction to drugs containing zolpidem, such as ambien. allergic reactions such as shortness of breath or swelling of your tongue or throat may occur and may be fatal. intermezzo should not be taken if you have taken another sleep medicine at bedtime or in the middle of the night or drank alcohol that day.
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>> jimmy: she's only 14 years old and "new york times" recently compared our next guest's acting ability to that of meryl streep, who's really good, actually. you can see her critically-lauded performance in "ginger & rosa," playing in select theaters now, please say hello to elle fanning. >> few corming on the show. it's a school night, right? >> it is. it's a school night. >> jimmy: do you have to go to school? >> i do. oh, yes. >> jimmy: why would you have to
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go to school when you're a movie star? >> tomorrow is the last day, and then we have -- then we're off for spring break. >> jimmy: nice. >> but they're cramming all the tests in in these three days. i just got back from a trip and then i'm going to school for these three days. >> jimmy: what tests do you have, maybe i can help you. >> well, i had an english test today. but i didn't take it. >> jimmy: why? >> because i just got back from south africa so it's a really long trip. >> jimmy: that's some excuse. did your mom write that? a note. please excuse elle. she just got back from south africa. >> i got back and the teacher is like are you sure you want to take it? she was okay with it. just because she knew the jet lag. >> jimmy: when i went to school, if your teacher upset you, she's out, right? she's gone. so you did not take that test. >> i didn't take it. >> jimmy: when will you take that test? >> we haven't really decided
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yet. >> jimmy: are you ready for that test? >> i am. we talked it over. it's on "canterbury tales." >> jimmy: i kind of liked that. >> it was good. yeah. >> jimmy: you didn't like it. so what are the other subjects you're working on. >> in biology honors class. >> jimmy: oh, really? do you have to dissect things? >> they just ordered a box of fetal pigs. yeah, a really weird box in our room sort of smelling up the room a little bit. >> jimmy: it's not refrigeratored? >> i don't know what's in there to be honest. >> jimmy: you need a new cafeteria. that is awful. >> we'll get around to it. >> jimmy: so you will be dissecting those pigs? are they going to wait until after spring break for that to happen? that seems like a disaster. >> it totally does. >> jimmy: they have to put those pigs in a blanket or something. wow. your sister is in college now, right? do you miss having her around
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the house? >> i miss her a lot. i sort of found myself going in her room a lot. like a lot more than i used to. just sort of wandering around in there. >> jimmy: doing what in there? >> just looking in drawers. because i never -- you know, i didn't do that when she was at home. >> jimmy: because she would get mad, right? >> so now i'm like i can figure out what used to be -- what's in there? what's been in there the whole time. >> jimmy: what have you found so far? >> i found a stash of -- a stash of hello kitty -- >> jimmy: we've got call dr. drew. >> like some hording issues. >> jimmy: hello kitty candy. >> yeah. weird thing. it's been fun to just wander around. >> jimmy: like regular sisters, do you wear her stuff when you go in her closet? >> i do, yeah. it's gotten to more accessories and things now.
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because i'm taller than her. i got to get that in there. so i think clothes and things maybe not as much but more like jewelry and things. i'll be at school and people will compliment on my jewelry. i'll be thanks. >> jimmy: you won't say you stole ill from your sister. does she get upset when you wear it? even in college now, she's not okay with it? >> texting me, what are you doing? >> jimmy: how does she find out about this stuff? >> i don't know. it's so weird. >> jimmy: just, you know. it's sister sense is what it's called. >> jimmy: it's like designers sending clothes to your house and jewelry and gum balls whatever you might want. that's not how it goes, huh do you have a boyfriend or crush at school? >> no, not really, no.
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>> jimmy: are you holding out for justin bieber or one direction? >> ryan gossling. >> jimmy: oh, really. i kind of have a crush on him to be honest, too. >> for christmas, the highlight of christmas morning, we walked down stairs and sitting there was a ryan gossling coloring book. my mom got it for us. and it's very specific. because you have to -- it's all -- it's like pictures of him from different movies. if you want to color ryan, you have to go -- what i do at least is you have to go on the internet and look up the specific image so you get the color of the shirt right. >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> you don't want to mess up. >> jimmy: you don't go for an impressionist type where you just choose your own colors. it's got to be accurate? >> yeah.
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>> jimmy: does ryan know about this? >> now, i guess. >> jimmy: well, congratulations on the movie. you're getting great notices for your work. thank god you get such good reviews. you're a kid and it could be very upsetting to a kid some adult writing nasty things about you. >> true, yeah. it's really nice. >> jimmy: yeah. i can't imagine it must be. >> yeah, definitely. >> jimmy: yeah. well, congratulations. you seem like a very, very nice person. and a very nice kid. except for the stealing from your sister part. but i think that's understandable. the movie, in case you haven't seen it is called "ginger & rosa" is in select theatres now. we'll be back with music from red gold green.
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>> jimmy: this is their self titled ep here with the song "i love lamp." making their television debut from washington dc red gold green. ♪ hey it's just a day a day a terrible day things don't really seem like there going my way ♪ ♪ i got a girlfriend in virginia i'm in california said i know you probably cheated ♪ ♪ i got something to say i got a new guy that's what she said i never knew ♪ ♪ i'd feel like i'm dead 'cause i lost my bottom lady for a one-night stand she said i thought that ♪ ♪ you should know that i don't want to be friends
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she said i don't want to be your friend ♪ ♪ she said i don't want to be your friend she said i don't want to be your friend ♪ ♪ well baby i don't ever want to see you again, hey lil' lady come on -- come on ♪ ♪ come on come on i send a text a dozen times but you don't ♪ ♪ read it no more you always said what's on your mind so why don't you ♪ pick up the phone ♪ ♪ i play the game you change the rules is that the status you right ♪ ♪ i live and pay you all my happiness i post in reply you see i notice your type ♪ ♪ i cheat and no it ain't right you want revenge with no forgiveness ♪ ♪ but i don't think it's fair i see you out with other ♪ and i no you don't care i just hope i still
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can get it since you won't be my friend ♪ ♪ she said i don't want to be your friend she said i don't want to be your friend ♪ ♪ she said i -- don't want to be your friend well baby i don't ever want to see you again, hey ♪ ♪ lil' lady come on -- come on come on come on ♪ ♪ lil' lady come on -- come on come on come on ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: i want to thank halle berry, elle fanning. i want to apologize to matt
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damon. tomorrow night ellen pompeo, sean lowe and music from lianne la havas. see the full performance at jimmykimmel.com. once again, red gold and green. good night. ♪ who can make a million fans off of one track a backpacking pop star with a skater pass ♪ ♪ girls love it when i sing but i love to rap they got they eyes on this money like ♪ ♪ they wear a patch i don't tell them that i'm broke where's the fun in that ♪ ♪ we at college playing shows getting a ton of ass dudes say i make songs for the culo girl ♪ ♪ ask me what the hell they mad at you for same reason they was mad at menudo ♪ ♪ i get girls and rap nerds watch naruto these girls are pretty fast, no kissing ♪ ♪ still can magic johnson if you only get some clinton music is a dream, no pinching or its back to working ♪
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♪ here with no pension was sup now hey lil' diddy was sup now ♪ ♪ hey, was sup now lil' diddy was sup now, yeah a million fans ♪ ♪ and living in my home but i'm making me a million and i'm paying what i owe was sup now ♪ ♪ hey lil' diddy was sup now hey was, sup now lil' diddy ♪ ♪ was sup now, yeah a million fans and living in my home but i'm making me a million ♪ ♪ and i'm paying what i owe what's up now i'm a color not another black rob ♪ ♪ stack oprahs till they turn to steve jobs got to make a million to make a difference ♪ ♪ hate if you want long as you listen flow colder than convenient store ♪ ♪ refreshments head of my class or i'm beating on a freshmen i used money ♪ ♪ but i am not the next man attracted to this metal like i'm trying to kill an x-man ♪ ♪ emo lyrics are feeding off depression cause by the last decade of recession ♪ ♪ school loans are starting being a bitch so i just quit school
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now i'm starting ♪ ♪ to get rich or die trying turn into a giant trying to add value to this music that i'm buying ♪ ♪ was sup now hey lil' diddy was sup now hey, was sup now ♪ ♪ lil' diddy was sup now, yeah a million fans and living in my home but ♪ ♪ i'm making me a million and i'm paying what i owe was sup now hey lil' diddy ♪ ♪ was sup now hey was, sup now lil' diddy was sup now, yeah ♪ ♪ a million fans and living in my home but i'm making me a million and i'm paying what i owe ♪ ♪ what's up now if anything is good then there's a rare amount so stop giving me songs ♪ ♪ that i don't care about not concerned with your past or your whereabouts ♪ ♪ used to never claim that i rap so i'm a try it out flow something ♪ ♪ new beats borrowed and i can guarantee a million fans follow an outkast with ♪ ♪ rage against machines that transforms art to slave for companies homeboy green been ♪
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♪ paving out a dream since i hanged from trees and scraped my dungarees you can't change the ♪ ♪ world from writing songs but i have civil rights because of a microphone and a million fans ♪ ♪ ain't fitting in my home but i'm making me a million and i'm paying what i owe was sup now ♪ ♪ was sup now hey lil' diddy was sup now hey, was sup now ♪ ♪ lil' diddy was sup now, yeah a million fans and living in my home but ♪ ♪ i'm making me a million and i'm paying what i owe was sup now hey lil' diddy ♪ ♪ was sup now hey, was sup now lil' diddy was sup now, yeah ♪ ♪ a million fans and living in my home but i'm making me a million and i'm paying what i owe ♪ ♪
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