tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC April 1, 2013 11:35pm-12:35am PDT
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they let him lead them out on the ice. and lead them he did. [ cheers and applause ] >> very well done. the cold play song was a nice touch. easter was yesterday which means now it's time for egg salad to shine. i went to costco on saturday. i dragged my children with me. they had a stack at eggs that was ten feet tall. it was a tower of eggs. it was so impressive i bowed to it when i saw it. the stores stocked a lot of eggs for easter. but what i want to know how does the farmer explain this to his chickens? okay, guys you may have heard
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that easter is coming up next week and i'm going to really need you to focus. it's not like -- to save them up. how do the chickens come up with ten times as many eggs? do they bring in jewish chickens to help? you guys aren't doing anything? this morning i sneezed and jellybeans flew out. i went to my cousin's house for a celebration. every easter my aunt chippy opens the door of the bouncy house and screams at them to behave until two of them cry. guillermo came. did you have fun? guillermo's son benji was there and sat at the easter bunny's lap. this kid, i tell you, loves the easter bunny. here he is trying to run for his life.
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he doesn't like the easter bunny. >> no. >> jimmy: but you kept putting him on the bunny's lap. >> one day. >> jimmy: cleto brought his family too. your kids were scared of the easter bunny. >> no. >> jimmy: but your wife looks happy and the kids look bored and at the end there is you giving me the finger. a sweet easter moment. maybe don't send that one to grandma in san antonio. it was a magical day. we had an easter egg hunt which gives you an opportunity to see children at their worst, running, grabbing, pushing, pulling hair. we had a stabbing. a five-year-old put a shank in a nine-year-old. we maybe should have hidden more than one egg. the white house held their 135th annual easter egg roll.
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it sounds like fun if there are no fun things to do. president obama and mrs. obama was there to make sure none of the kids go it candy. the theme was be healthy, be active, be you. that's the problem. there is nothing healthy or active about me. but that was the theme. they really had a yoga garden which sounds like a place you threaten kids when they are bad. i will send you straight to the yoga garden, little mister. beautiful. lululemon trees growing. more than 30,000 children and parents showed up to enjoy the music, food and a reading of the book chick ka chick kaboom-boom
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by the president himself. >> all right. chick ka chick ka boom-boom. a told b and b told c i'll meet you at the top of the coconut tree. why said d to e, f, g i'll beat you to the top of the coconut tree. life is meaningless and everyone you love is going to die some day. okay get off my lawn i need a drink. >> jimmy: he's been under a lot of stress lately. understandable. you know, the easter bunny got into trouble this weekend. highway patrol in san diego pulled over a man in a bunny suit for riding a motorcycle without a helmet. what do you say when you pull
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over the easter bunny? the man said he was on his way to a charity event and late for a very important date and the cop let him go with a verbal warn coming is the right thing to do. it's his day. you can't arrest the easter bunny on easter. what are you supposed to do with that head? you can't use the ears to tie it around your waist, right? last night on our local fox 11 news, the anchor had to work on easter sunday but it was worth his while as tony is the winner of the award for excellence in reporting. the pope is holding his first easter sunday service. he called for peace and for helping those in need. fox econner powell has that story. we'll try to get to that a little bit later on. meanwhile here at home people
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celebrated easter in a lot of ways with funny hats, parades and by going to church, of course. we'll try to have that as. we. >> the crew was out hunting eggs. >> jimmy: justin bieber, have you heard of this kid? he is back in the news for the weirdest reason so far. in germany, customs officials seized justin bieber's monkey. they put it in quarantine. but justin bieber has a monkey. that's the important part of this story. just when you thought the ghost of michael jackson couldn't love him any more. that is justin and his monkey. his name is mally. he was a gift from this guy, jamal rashid. his name is mally mal.
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it's like when your prison cell mate gives you a rat. now it's sounding like five or six years ago, justin bieber was a regular kid who found a magic lamp and said i want to be famous and own a monkey. justin was allowed to reclaim the monkey. i wish i could have seen this in its entirety. i sent a camera crew to ask pedestrians to do their best imitation of a german customs official asking for mr. beerer's monkey's papers. >> ver are mr. bieber's monkey papers? >> ver are mr. bieber's monkey's papers? >> where are mr. bieber's monkey papers? >> where are mr. monkey -- where
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are? >> where are mr. peeper's monkey papers. forget it. >> where are mr. bieber's monkey papers? >> where are mr. bieber's monkey papers? >> ver are mr. bieber's monkey papers? >> where are mr. bieber's monkey papers? where are they? >> where are mr. bieber's monkey papers? >> [ speaking foreign language ]. >> where are mr. bieber's monkey papers? i love you justin. >> jimmy: who doesn't. thank you, everybody. we are going the take a break. when we come back we have a special march madness edition of our skype scavenger hunt. plus we have shaquille o'neal and demi lovato. stay right there. go!
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>> jimmy: hi. welcome back. demi lovato and shaquille o'neal are waiting. i should ask shaq about the rumors he is replacing barbara walters on "the view." >> the ncaa tournaments final four have been decided. even wichita state didn't have wichita state in the bracket. we thought it would be fun to play a game with fans of the two teams -- four teams -- but two of the teams still in it. it's time for a march madness
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o'decision of the skype scavenger hunt. from syracuse university, welcome daniel leavitt. this might be an exciting week for you. >> definitely. >> jimmy: is there energy and enthusiasm and that sort of thing? >> oh, yeah. it's great. everybody is partying. nobody's studying. >> jimmy: your parents will be delighted to hear that. you will play against a fan from the university of michigan. welcome alfred adderly. >> hi. >> jimmy: what year are you in? >> i'm a graduate student. >> jimmy: i thought you looked a little bit older. what are you studying? >> jimmy: a masters in -- >> a masters in phys-ed. >> jimmy: the rules are simple. this is a scavenger hunt. i will ask you to find or do
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something. are you ready to play? first round i want you to come back with all the rolls of toilet paper in your house. go ahead. most rolls of toilet paper wins. there you go. double ply, would that count as two? it -- most college kids steal their toilet paper from public places. wait a minute. i was going to ask you to count those but, daniel what is going on with that? >> my roommate forgot to buy some. >> jimmy: make a mental note. round two i want you to come back wearing the most embarrassing piece of clothing you own. most embarrassing item wins.
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what you're already wearing does not count. if you live near a thrift store run out and make a quick stop. what is that your wearing? >> my mom gave it to me. >> jimmy: and alfred. where did -- alfred, is that -- did your mom give you that? >> no. this is part of a halloween costume. >> jimmy: what were you dressed as? >> halle berry. >> jimmy: round three i want you to come back with something you won. it could be a trophy or ribbon or lottery ticket. something you won. okay? very good, go ahead. something you won. daniel is getting something out -- oh, no. all right, well -- that's --
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daniel? daniel, you all right? daniel? okay that's bad. is there anyone else in the house with daniel. look at this. >> i won this at six flags. >> jimmy: alfred hold on a second. daniel is anyone in the room with daniel? we're having a problem with daniel. alfred we're having a problem with daniel. a bookcase fell on him. the audience is concerned. as you can see. there's nobody there. there's no one else? the roommate that forgot the toilet paper? okay now this is actually bad. this is actually not good. what should we do?
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should we stop? >> call 911. >> jimmy: oh, here we go. can you -- this is too heavy. is there anyone else that could pitch in. >> i could call my friend. >> jimmy: okay. >> can you help me move this bookcase? >> jimmy: look at that. how about that? nicely done, fellas, very nicely done. let's take a break. tonight on the show, demi lovato is here. we'll be right back with the hero, shaquille o'neal. stay tuned.
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>> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by miller light. [ male announcer ] get to subway® for the new $3 six-inch select. only three dollars. talk about clutch. can't beat that deal. [ male announcer ] try the $3 six-inch select black forest ham as one of our april featured values. this is big. subway. eat fresh®. ♪ oh pepperoni ♪ how much i love yah
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music from cold war kids. later this week, russell brand, bob costas and music from gary allen and seth sentry. our first guest tonight is a delightful man with a zeal for life matched only by the size of his feet. yesterday, he ate 200 chocolate bunnies tonight he is here to burn them off from 'inside the nba' on tnt please welcome, shaquille o'neal. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: great to see you. thank you for saving that man. we are wearing the same suit but mine is a little boy's sized version. what do you do when your clothes
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when they are done? you can't give them to goodwill? >> i give them to the cleaners and wait for them to come back. >> jimmy: how is everything? >> everything is good. >> jimmy: how was april fool's day. you are a prankster i know. most of your pranks are unsuitable for television. >> i have only been pranked one time he went to unlv. so louie used to ride a bike to practice all the time. i used to slash the tires and mess with the chains. we were at a restaurant and he told me that someone broke into my car and when hi got there it was full of peanuts. >> jimmy: real peanuts? or the packing ones? >> the packing ones. >> jimmy: you have to give the car away to someone. did you get louie -- you had
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started with the louie. we have video of this. wow, he really did. it was a bigger pain for him than it was for you. >> he got me. >> jimmy: he did, all right. your show "upload with shaquille o'neal" is pranks and videos. you know what my favorite prank you did is the one, where you missed thousands of free throws. you know that one? and everyone thought it -- everyone thought you weren't able to do it. of course you were able to do it. you're a giant. >> yeah, that's a good one. that's a good one. >> jimmy: you were one of the first superstar athletes to go on twitter, right? did anyone do that before you did? >> i found twitter by accident. >> jimmy: how is that? >> i used to read the paper to
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see what people are saying about me. a guy wrote a nasty article and he said you said something on twitter and i said no i didn't. and i said no, i didn't. i said what the hell is twitter? and someone had the name shaq on twitter. and i said let me see how this works. i'm on 24th and camelback and have laker tickets. if you are in the area just come. it was cars just spinning out on the street i'm right here. so i just saw how powerful it was. >> jimmy: how did people recognize you when they pulled up to the intersection? >> it's not hard to recognize the sexiness. >> jimmy: i heard something about you recently that you knew steve jobs. >> i did. >> jimmy: how did you know steve? >> i didn't know him. but i have been a geek and a
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nerd a long time. but i have bragging rights over my friends. remember when the iphone was first announced. i tried to call steve and be like it's steve, shaq, baby, what's going on. i have tickets if you can give me an iphone. >> jimmy: he didn't give it to you? >> when the iphone two came out i'm like, it's shaq, baby. >> jimmy: how do you operate an iphone it must be like a chicklet for you. >> i love it. >> jimmy: you do love it? >> yes, i do. >> jimmy: you had a thing where people pitched you ideas for new technologies. and how -- how long did you do this? one day? over the course of -- >> i told them to tout me their idea. we came up with the idea that 15
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seconds of video is equivalent to 140 characters and we came up with interesting things. >> jimmy: what was the best won and worst one you got? >> i can't tell you. >> jimmy: you looked at all of them? >> i don't want to embarrass people. a lot of people put in a lot of hard money and work in their dream. some were good and some were -- >> jimmy: the lakers are retiring your jersey and your number. that is long overdue, i think. is that emotional for you? is that something that will -- you'll feel something or is it just another night? >> it's very exciting. if i had one wish i wish that dr. dre' was here. it takes five to seven years to get this dopp done. but it was moved up very fast.
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i wish he was there to celebrate with me. >> jimmy: do you find when you talk about a team like the lakers that you have a different take on it when you're on "inside the nba"? >> i just try to speak from experience and try to speak the truth. a lot of guys you can tell they've never played before. being i played at a high level i just try to speak from the truth. >> jimmy: do you have disdain for the sportscasters that never played the game? >> something like that. something like that. >> jimmy: i want to ask you, you know those marshmallow peeps, how many do you think you could fit in your mouth? >> you got some? >> jimmy: yes. as a matter of fact. bring out the peeps. now let's not start yet.
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we're going to take a break here. i have a huge mouth. i know you are a huge man. but my mouth is extraordinary in size. i can fit my whole fist in there. true. so when we come back we're going to go head to head, peep to peep with shaquille o'neal. we'll be right back. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony. ] bigger. like us. right. like us. up top! yeah. [ breathing heavily ] [ male announcer ] it's not complicated. bigger is better. and at&t has the nation's largest 4g network. ♪
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>> jimmy: we're back with shaquille o'neal. demi lovato is still to come. we have had many battles. we played basketball and we played scrabble and i have dominated every one of these. i would be embarrassed if i was you. we got these peeps for 25% of their original price. i thought it would be fun to see how many we could fit in our mouths. we'll start with one. we'll go peep for peep. if one falls out or -- that's two or quits -- [ cheers and applause ]
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charity. >> jimmy: i mean for you to eat it. >> oh, no. no way. >> jimmy: well, you know what? we could have done this with actually chickens our mouths are so big but that was pretty impressive and also disgusting. but i think a wonderful tribute to jesus either way. good to see you. congratulations on your jersey retirement. >> jimmy: shaquille o'neal! watch shaq on "inside the nba" on tnt. and "upload with shaquille o'neal" on tru tv. we'll be right back with demi lovato. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you
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>> jimmy: at only 20 years of age, our next guest has already worked alongside industry giants like simon cowell and barney the dinosaur. her fourth studio album -- "demi" comes out may 14th please welcome, demi lovato. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> hello. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: can i interest you in any peeps. >> can i have one of those? >> jimmy: you can. >> i'm just kidding. >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> how are you? >> jimmy: i have like crazy energy. >> i wonder if it has something to do with the peeps? >> jimmy: i think i have
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diabetes final. how are you doing? >> i'm good. >> jimmy: good to see you. you're going to be back on "the x-factor" i understand. most shows eliminates contestants and "the x-factor" is eliminating judges. >> i don't know what that is all about. >> jimmy: it's just you and simon remaining, right? >> yes. and i don't know whoa is on the running. >> jimmy: do you have anyone you hope is in the running? >> i hope for lady gaga or katy perry. >> jimmy: do they enlist you to help call these people? >> no. they -- i gave my two spins last year and i was, like -- i was,
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like, get khloe. >> jimmy: and they had to get rid of her because she can't read. right? >> you know what? you know what? she's a very lovely girl. and she's very sweet. >> jimmy: that cough did not sound good. what is going on there? >> that is kind of my cover up. but i am sick. i got sick -- i just went on a mini-world tour. >> jimmy: there's a mini-world? >> yes, a mini-world tour. whe >> jimmy: where were you? >> i have had a few layovers which i totally count. so i was in japan. i performed in malaysia, and the philippines and layovers in hong kong, qatar and turkey.
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>> jimmy: did you get off the plane? >> yes. >> jimmy: did you exit the airport? >> no. >> jimmy: they don't count. >> they do. >> jimmy: were you sick the whole time? >> i was okay the whole time and at the end of the tour -- my manager was saying you didn't get sick this time. i get sick at least once a month. what was i talking about? >> jimmy: you were sick. >> i was sick. the day i got to moscow i got sick. i went from 100 degrees to 15 degrees. >> jimmy: the worst is being sick on the plane. everyone hates you. >> i had a cold towel on my forehead. we had the ones that were laying down. everyone's trying to sleep and i can't sleep because i am coughing. i have a cold towel on my forehead and pile of medicine
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next to me and tissues everywhere and everyone is looking at her like get her away from me. >> jimmy: but you probably got it from some other sick person on a plane. >> you know how many planes i get on? >> jimmy: i heard you have a lot of layovers. >> i do. >> jimmy: you meet people and shake hands and it looks weird to purell afterwards. which i'm going to do after this. i'm trying to keep my hands from my face and nose which is bad also. you have a new cd coming out. >> i do. >> jimmy: you just announced this. now what about the cd? do you have -- does it have meaning or a story behind it? >> the album has lot of meaning to me. i realilate it to personal experiences that i've had.
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there are awesome pop songs that are catchy. but at the same time there are more adult songs that get your head out of the gutter. i speak about heavy stuff that i haven't spoken about before. so -- >> jimmy: and you are promoting it and your ankle is broken right? >> yeah, my fibula. >> jimmy: that is bad. how did that happen? >> i was watching "silver linings playbook" and i went to get a popsicle and my roommate -- because i'm living in a house with a bunch of girls -- my roommate pledged the floors. she thought that is what you clean hardwood floors with is pledge. >> jimmy: what? who is this roommate? >> i'm not going to name her name. >> jimmy: she is neat at least, i guess. >> no. >> jimmy: she's scrubbing the floors. >> it's her chore.
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>> jimmy: now i understand what's going on. so she's like a meth addict and just scrubbing the floors like great. is that what's going on? to a high sheen. >> it was heroin. anyways, so now -- >> jimmy: i might purell right now. you can have some too. let me squirt some on your mouth. you are make me laugh. >> jimmy: so anyway. so you broke your ankle -- or your fibula. >> but i blame it on jennifer lawrence. i was watching "silver linings play book". >> jimmy: why not bradley cooper. by the way, i have this. i want to show. you worked with shaq before. >> i did. whi >> jimmy: which one is him? and which one is you? >> this is me and that one is him. >> jimmy: what is going on in this picture?
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and why a vampire? >> i don't remember. i literally don't. but i think it's a sketch for a show i was on. >> jimmy: i got you. well this is the new cd. you look quite lovely. it's called "demi." when we come back we'll have music from demi lovato, everyone. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony. >> forget playing with blocks. these days, newborns and toddlers are all about the touch screen. they can't get enough ipad. but is it hurting their
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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" series concert series is brought to you by sony. >> jimmy: her new album "demi" comes out may 14th. here with the song, "heart attack," demi lovato. ♪ puttin' my defenses up 'cause i don't wanna fall in love if i ever did that ♪ ♪ i think i'd have a heart attack never put my love out on the line ♪ ♪ never said yes to the right guy never had trouble
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getting what i want ♪ ♪ but when it comes to you i'm never good enough when i don't care i can play 'em ♪ ♪ like a ken doll won't wash my hair then make 'em bounce like a basketball ♪ ♪ but you make me wanna act like a girl paint my nails and wear high heels ♪ ♪ yes, you make me so nervous ♪ that i just can't hold your hand ♪ ♪ you make me glow but i cover up won't let it show so i'm puttin' ♪ my defenses up ♪ ♪ 'cause i don't wanna fall in love if i ever did that ♪ ♪ i think i'd have a heart attack i think i'd have a heart attack ♪ ♪ i think i'd have a heart attack never break a sweat for the other guys ♪
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♪ when you come around i get paralyzed and every time i try to be myself ♪ ♪ it comes out wrong like a cry for help it's just not fair pain's more trouble ♪ ♪ than it all is worth i gasp for air it feels so good but you know it hurts ♪ ♪ but you make me wanna act like a girl paint my nails and wear perfume ♪ ♪ for you make me so nervous that i just can't hold your hand you make me glow ♪ ♪ but i cover up won't let it show so i'm puttin' my defenses up 'cause i don't wanna ♪ ♪ fall in love if i ever did that i think i'd have a heart attack ♪ ♪ i think i'd have a heart attack i think i'd have a heart attack ♪
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♪ the feelings got lost in my lungs they're burning i'd rather be numb ♪ ♪ and there's no one else to blame so scared i take off and i run ♪ ♪ i'm flying too close to the sun and i burst into flames you make me glow ♪ ♪ but i cover up won't let it show so i'm puttin' my defenses up ♪ ♪ 'cause i don't wanna fall in love if i ever did that i think i'd have a heart attack ♪ i think i'd have a heart attack i think i'd have
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a heart attack ♪ ♪ i think i'd have a heart attack ♪ ♪ i think i'd have a heart attack ♪ ♪ think i'd have a heart attack ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to thank shaquille o'neal, demi lovato. apologize to matt damon. >> jimmy: pre-sale for her new self-titled album starts tomorrow, playing us off the air with, "give your heart a break." see the full performance at jimmykimmellive.com. once again, demi lovato, good night! ♪ the day i first met you you told me you'd never fall in love but now that i get you ♪ ♪ i know fear is what it really was now here we are so close ♪
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♪ yet so far haven't i passed the test when will you realize baby i'm not like the rest ♪ ♪ don't wanna break your heart wanna give your heart a break ♪ ♪ i know you're scared it's wrong like you might make a mistake there's just one life ♪ ♪ to live and there's no time to wait to wait so let me give ♪ ♪ your heart a break give your heart a break let me give your heart a break ♪ ♪ your heart a break oh yeah - yeah -- tonight on "nightline," generation ipad. it's babysitter, pacifier and teacher all in one for bus
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