we'll keep monitoring that story and keep our fingers crossed, too. as anyone who's worked in a job that's boring and minimum wage type of deal. you know to get through the day, you have to find creative ways to pass time. this young man spent his time developing an extremely complex system for waste disposal. >> so my manager asked me to throw away this milk duds in the trash can here. what he didn't say is how we're going to get [ bleep ] up. >> jimmy: disappointing.

he tried to hang himself with a rope made out of twizzlers but fortunately that broke, too. i don't want to bring the mood down, but today is day 14 of the justin bieber monkey crisis. on march 28, justin bieber attempted to bring his monkey mally into germany, but when he got there, the monkey was confiscated and quarantined because justin didn't have the proper monkey paperwork. so for the last two weeks, mally the monkey has been held captive until justin returns to pay his $17,000 fine. now, this is mally in happier times. isn't that cute? when she travels with justin. unfortunately, after two weeks in germany, this is mally now. justin's management has been trying to broker a deal for mally's release, but so far they failed. that's where i come in. i gave germany an ultimatum.

that is if they do not release justin bieber's monkey by thursday at midnight, we are going to kill david hasselhoff. and maybe you're wondering, if. we kill david hasselhoff, who's going to drive kit? well, guess what. kit can drive himself, so don't worry about it. so there you go, germans. the ball is in your court. set that monkey free or we off the of. and we will do it. there is disturbing news. the cookie monster was arrested last weekend. not the real cookie monster. the one that dresses up like him in times square in new york. just like we do here in hollywood, there are people in times square who dress up like characters from tv and the movies. and they do it to pose for photos with tourists for tips. now legally, the tips are optional, but they get pretty upset if you don't come up with one. on sunday, a woman handed her 2-year-old to elmo and cookie monster. this is a picture right here. but after she took it, she realized she didn't have any

money and cookie monster allegedly freaked out. she claimed he shoved her 2-year-old and cursed her out because she dependent give him $2. there's a reason he's called the cookie monster and not the cookie gentleman. he was charged with endangering the welfare of a child. that's what he looks like on the inside. i have to say frankly, i'm not surprised that cookie monster had an outburst. just a few months ago, you see him on that show "intervention"? >> he's mentioned her name 12, 13 times a day. >> i'm in the moment and it feels good. i enjoy it. >> it's a disease. he's very unstable. >> he's very angry.

very hateful towards us. >> he's deranged. >> [ bleep ]. >> next week on "intervention" a bird that believes he has an imaginary friend. only on a&e. >> very gentle. those of you know far too well, we also have a ban or costume chark ferps we went out on hollywood boulevard today and asked if he had any trouble with customers himself. and here's what cook had to say. >> creptly cookie monster in new york got arrested for pushing a little kid. >> the cookie monster tries to practice a policy of nonviolence.

i would never call it an act of violence against a child. >> what would you call it? >> an accidental step-on perhaps. >> tell us about your worst accidental step-on. >> you know, it happens pretty regularly so it's hard to keep track of which one. but the louder kids are the most fun to accidentally trip on. >> jimmy: that's good to know. do you remember former congressman anthony weiner? he represented new york's ninth district until a couple of years ago when he accidentally photograph tweeted a photograph of his crotch. that's about as close as you get to a miracle. so anyway, after retreating in disgrace for a while, weiner now says he's considering a run for mayor of new york. which would make him an oscar mayor weiner, right?

thank you. wow. thank you. >> congratulations, jimmy kimmel of the jimmy kimmel love program. your recent musings about anthony weiner were indeed hilarious. catching us all off-guard and causing laughter to ensue. keep up the ha-has, cheers and godspeed, sincerely her majesty the queen. . >> jimmy: wow, thank you very much. she got it here fast, too. well, i never felt more beautiful. we're going to take a break. but when we come back, my aunt

chippy is prone to fits of rage. when we come back, we're going to drive her into one. jason bateman, chadwick boseman and alice in chains. we'll be right back. wow, i've been claritin clear for 10 days!

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>> jason bateman chadwick boseman and also whether i say in chains are coming up. you're probably familiar with my aunt chippy who screams at people almost constantly. recently, we shot a commercial

starring aunt chippy for something called the amazing magical miracle sponge. it's a nonexistent product, but she didn't know that. and my cousin sal and our director brad were there to help drive her nuts. >> what we're going to do is start on the amazing magical miracle sponge. >> amazing magical miracle sponge. that's a tongue twister. >> when we say go you say hi. i'm aunt chippy. try the amazing magical miracle sponge. >> you've got to be kidding me. >> just try it, please? big smile. >> this is as big as it's gong to get. >> it's drooping. >> so is my chin, so is my ass. everything is drooping. [ bleep ]. >> action. >> hi. it's aunt chippy, everybody.

and i'm here to talk to you about the miracle of the amazing miracle -- >> cut, cut. >> it's the miracle of amazing magical miracle sponge. [ bleep ]. >> the magical amazing magical miracle sponge. >> go again, right away. >> all client wants is for you to say amazing not ah-mazing. >> say it together with us. >> amazing. again. amazing. [ bleep ] a-hole. >> it doesn't matter what i freaking do. you're never, never, satisfied. never. >> we don't even have one take yet. >> we haven't had a take because i'm always doing something wrong. >> right, exactly. thank you. >> that's exactly why. >> don't be so hard on yourself.

just get it right. >> okay, do it again. >> enough with your wise ass remarks. >> all right, you got that out of your system? ready to get going? >> i don't know. >> four words you have to say. that's it. >> [ bleep ]. >> and you go along with it. >> what do you think about if you say aunt chippy, you do aunt chippy's voice, she just mouths it. >> that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard. >> i'm going to stand here and i'm going to mouth it but you want him to mimic me doing it? >> action. hi. i'm aunt chill pi and i'm here to show you the miracle of the amazing magical miracle sponge. >> is that what i sound like? holy [ bleep ], that's terrible. >> and camera, action. >> this is how easy it is, folks. take the sponge, put it on the

glove, put it under the water. >> cut, cut. >> did anybody connect the water? >> did you turn the valve? did you turn it open? >> no, i turned it closed, sal. >> it worked a minute ago. >> see? >> our fault again. >> ready? think you can turn the water on this time? >> yeah, i'm sure i can turn the water on smart ass. >> here we go, and action. >> it's so easy. glove, the sponge, the water, the [ bleep ] water. where's the [ bleep ] water? don't give me that [ bleep ], sal. it ain't working. i did it, you do it, it works. i do it, it don't work. >> sal, try it.

show chippy how you do it. >> what are you doing? going into a wrestling match. >> seems to work. >> open it up and you pour the soap in through the top of the glove and it comes down the bottom so you don't actually -- >> [ bleep ] you don't put your thing down your arm so you get it on the sponge. put it on oening the sponge and you're done with it. down the arm. what it's doing is it's going into the sporng. >> make sure there's plenty of soap in there. >> my frickin' arm is filled with detergent. i think there needs to be more. >> and action.

>> you have to scrub. >> scrub your [ bleep ]. >> scrub it. scrub it. >> this is [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. >> and then your line is the amazing miracle sponge. so easy even a woman can use it. >> oh, [ bleep ]. >> if the client okayed that, you can tell him to stick his sponge and his dish washing detergent up his proverbial ass. >> i think i've come up with a good idea here. action. >> the amazing miracle sponge, so easy even a woman can use it. ha, yeah, that will be the day when even a cranky old woman like me will use it.

that will be the day. >> you reear right. i don't give a [ bleep ] anymore. i' out of here. i'm getting on a plane. i'm going home. camera, action, goodbye. i'm out of here. piece of [ bleep ]. >> boseman is here. we have music from alice in chains. hang out. go! go olive garden's new buy one, take one. go for dinner tonight and take home a second entrée for later. all for just $12.95. choose one of five favorites

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ys of walking to give a breast cancer survivor a lifetime-- that's definitely a fair trade. it was such a beautiful experience.

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>> jimmy: tonight on the program, friday you can see him as jackie robinson in the new movie "42." chadwick boseman is with us. and the album comes out may 28, it's call ed called "the devil dinosaurs here," which is true, by the way. alice in chains from the sony outer to stage.

>> i wish you could be here. the atmosphere is electric. it's like a geography convention. like a nation of proud parents, we watched our first guest grow up on-screen both silver and small next month he reprises the role of michael bluth in the much-anticipated return of "arrested development." and his new movie "disconnect" opens in theaters friday, please say hello to jason bateman. >>. >> jimmy: you're very hairy i noelts noticed. >> does it look real?

>> jimmy: yeah, it looks real. >> we're filming "teen wolf" in 3d and i didn't have time to take it off yet. are you guys excited? >> jimmy: you do have a lot going on. not only are you obviously acting in these movies, be uh you have, like, two production companies, right? >> no, i don't. that sounds great. >> jimmy: i've got one place where they let me go work and then this other place where two jack asses work, me and will arnette where we do digital stuff. >> jimmy: that's not an office you go to as well? >> in theory. it's a lot of this stuff on the floor, confetti, ripped up stuff. no, i work at university studios. they let me sort of go in there and think up idiotic stuff to do. so far they haven't kicked me out yet. but it's interesting that i work there because i used to do one

of those -- a wee lad i did a show called "silver spoons" and another show. that was 100 yards from where my, you know, office is. i feel like i'm -- well, i'm 44. i should have a job. >> jimmy: you have come full circle, as they say. >> it is full circle. and the actual bungalow where i work is the bungalow where i did my school work when i was 13, 14 years old. so now i'm like an idiot with a desk in there, but without doing math. i'm, you know, rolling calls with an awful looking headset. >> jimmy: you're in your old classroom. most people if they go back to school to work they're the janitor. they're mopping the place. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but not you. >> there is a lot of slop in there. >> jimmy: was it fun to be a kid on the universal studios lot? >> it was actually, yeah. there's a lot of stuff going on there. if you're out of town, i don't know if you've taken that tour there. they' got the jaws lake and the stuff that gets on fire and a

whole tram that takes you through it. ricky and i -- >> jimmy: ricky schroeder. >> we got into trouble. i mean as a 12-year-old. we rode our bikes around quite a bit. we would get tired because we were little guys. so we would actually hold on to the back of the tram and let the tram pull us all around the back lot. that became a problem when we -- he had one of these big aquariums in his school room where he had, like, these large fish that ate little fish. so what we would do is we would get pulled up to jaws lake, which was only about four feet deep, really. and there was a ton of goldfish in it. we would go up there with little plastic bags and roll up our pants and go in there and scoop up a bunch of goldfish to feed to his bigger fish. and then, well, you know, just good clean fun. sort of -- yeah, i could hear ron howard doing the whistling right now, right?

but we got a chastising letter from studio operations sent to our parents saying listen, i don't know if you realize what we're trying to do there. we're trying to scare people. they're supposed to be thinking there's a great white shark about to engorge the entire tram and these two 12-year-olds out there scooping up goldfish. so we were told to stop doing that. >> jimmy: did you stop? >> we did stop. it was a slow stop. it was an eventually full cease. >> jimmy: were you mischievous kids in general? >> yeah. there was -- we would -- there were two audiences. there was an audience that would usually consist of all elderly people that would come in at 4:00 for the taping. and then there was another one at 6:30 where there was a younger, hipper crowd. >> jimmy: the geography crowd. >> right. >> jimmy: so for some reason, we thought it might be fun to -- i don't know if you have them here, but there's cat walks at the top of these sound stages

like 40 foot -- >> because they're so high, yeah. >> we would go up there with a stack of rewrites. we thought it might be fun to spit spit wads at the old lady hair dos. oh, that's mean? we did have brass pea shooters. regular straws wasn't good enough. we have brass piping from a hobby shop. we're just looking to mix up the day over there. >> jimmy: they would let you walk around -- >> no, they didn't. we had to run from different people to get up there. and then if you walked a little bit further down the cat walk, you could look down into the wardrobe kanging area. it didn't have a ceiling on it. we just watch erin gray get changed every week. just about the hottest woman. >> jimmy: you would watch her get changed? >> we had to supplement your education.

you're not getting a lot of sex ed at 12-year-old on the studio. >> jimmy: is she aware of this? >> she is now. she's a big jimmy kimmel watcher. >> jimmy: and i'm a big erin gray watcher. i would still be up in the rafters. >> she was handing out lessons. >> jimmy: when we come back, we want to talk about your new movie. also "arrested development" is coming back. we'll be right back. >> the jimmy kimmel live concert series is brought to you by sony. made a commitment to the gulf. and every day since, we've worked hard to keep it. bp has paid over twenty-three billion dollars to help people and businesses who were affected, and to cover cleanup costs. today, the beaches and gulf are open for everyone to enjoy -- and many areas are reporting their best tourism seasons in years. we've shared what we've learned with governments and across

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>> can you please not do that at the table? >> yeah. >> this is an annoying client, that's what this is that is working. >> is she your girlfriend? >> what? girlfriend? ben? >> just a friend. >> type away. >> is this a friend from school? >> come op, you're boring your mother and i. >> jimmy: that's "disconnect." >> you need a beard for drama. i was kidding about the teen wolf 3 joke earlier. i'm on my way to do another drama. i can't do drama without a beard. >> jimmy: does it make you feel

more serious? >> not for me. but that director wanted one and this next director wanted one. and i guess they feel like they're going to throw the audience off the scent. jason is not going to make you laugh if you see a beard. so this took me about nine months to grow. it's sort of an asian thinness, you know? i've got some asian in my family somewhere. >> jimmy: for a warewolf it's unbelievable. >> my back is lousy with hair. >> jimmy: do you like doing a serious movie? is that something you enjoy? >> the boring actor answer yes, i like to mix it up a bit. but sort of the part that is -- might be interesting to people is that, you know, you have to cry often times in these dramas. and i don't know if you guys have ever tried to make yourself cry before. you can make yourself laugh. but making yourself cry is like

trying to make yourself sneeze. you can't do it. you really have to go a bit. >> jimmy: what do you do? >> i'm not a great actor. i'm not a skilled actor. i'm not a, an educated actor, a trained actor. what i do, jimmy is ethically unsound. i carry my iphone with me at all times anyway. so i take advantage of that. five minutes before i'm supposed to shoot a crying scene. i put on a sad song. i'm not going to tell you who does that for me. >> jimmy: is it a person? >> somebody just gets me. but what i do is start flicking through shots of my daughter, okay? and that doesn't make me cry. that makes me smile. then i've got to start managing awful things happening to her. it starts with a real -- with a hot kettle on the stove okay? they're young. and they would probably, like,

just start learning what a hot stove is, you know? but if you do like more or three takes on a scene. you've got to up it a bit because you get a callus to that's not making me sad anymore. it's awful. by the time -- if somebody is really messing things up with the camera department, you've got to start dismembering the child. >> jimmy: yeah. the rules of acting. >> you' got to do it. guys, i'm doing it for you. you're buying tickets for these things. you want to see the actor crying and i've got method. so yeah, it's not a fun process. but it is effective. >> jimmy: very different from arrested development, which is one of the best shows ever. and very exciting the show is coming back. how many episodes did you make. >> 15 episodes released all on the same day.

i want people to manage their expectations. they are great episodes, but what they are not are episodes like it was when it was on that other network. >> jimmy: it's not like that? >> well, what it is is -- we were supposed to do a movie and we still very well might. but every time the show runner tried to put this big story that hen't whats to do in this movie in a movie script which is only be about 110 pages, it's too big. i thought i'll put the first act of this three-act story in these episodes. so each character gets their own episode. and all the action happens at the same time. so it can only really work on net fliflix where they're relea. you can stop my episode, click over into his. watch where he's going. because it all happens at the same time. it's all just act one. the movie is going to be act two and act three. >> jimmy: i'm going to need a helper. >> the country is going to not

really put out a lot of work that day. >> jimmy: "arrested development" coming out on netflix. and "disconnect" in theatres this friday. jason bateman, everybody. we'll be right back with chadwick boseman. ♪ [ male announcer ] you've reached the age where you don't back down from a challenge. this is the age of knowing how to make things happen. so, why let erectile dysfunction get in your way? talk to your doctor about viagra. 20 million men already have. ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex. do not take viagra if you take nitrates for chest pain; it may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure. side effects include headache, flushing, upset stomach, and abnormal vision. to avoid long-term injury, seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours. stop taking viagra and call your doctor right away if you experience a sudden decrease or loss in vision or hearing. this is the age of taking action.

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>> jimmy: our next guest has very big cleats to fill. he plays the great american hero jackie robinson in the new movie "42." it opens in theaters friday. please welcome chadwick boseman. >> this is big for you, isn't it? >> pretty big. >> jimmy: this is the biggest week of your life? >> yeah. kind of, kind of. last week is competing with this one.

>> jimmy: your family came with you to the show. who's here tonight with you? >> i have two sisters in the audience. i don't know where they are. there they are. >> jimmy: sounds like you have more. my parents are here. my brother is in the back in the green room. they said they wanted to they can check that out. >> jimmy: do they come with you everywhere they go? are they on the set when you're shooting? >> this is the first time they've been to l.a. and experience this whole thing. but my parents came to the set with my sister, yeah. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> originally from andersso eea south carolina. [ applause ] >> jimmy: can't possibly be 30 people from anderson, south carolina. >> the whole church bus is out here. >> jimmy: when youplay jackie robinson, which is a very big deal. well, i guess you studied up on all this stuff now. you have to be payable to play baseball? are you a baseball player? >> no.

no. >> jimmy: did you play little league and that sort of thing? >> i played little league baseball. >> jimmy: when they auditioned you, did they want to see how you play? >> we had a baseball tryout, yes, yes. jackie robinson stadium in ucla. yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: oh, wow. you had i it there. >> there's that statue above, which was also kind of haunting because, you know, one of the coaches actually brought me to the mound at the end of the practice and they had given me this brooklyn dodgers hat, and i'm practicing, doing the whole work ut workout. i'm thinking it's my hat. maybe i have the role, right. at the end of it, he puts his hand on my shoulder and said see that statue up there? that will be you. then he takes the hat back. i mean, i'm sweating in the hat. i''m like this is my hat, this is my role.

i went home devastated thinking i wasn't going to get it. >> jimmy: were you nervous through the whole process? >> not exactly. because there was a point where i felt like it was mine. it was destiny. it was just little moments like that where doubt sets in. and you're like i'm not going to get it. >> jimmy: did you train to play like jackie robinson and run and slide like he did? >> absolutely. i was given the hall of fame footage and my coaches were given the hall of fame footage. they would take my practices and they would split screen my running style and my batting stance with his. so over a process of months we would slow motion and study it and try to get it like his. so it was a lot of -- >> jimmy: there's, like, no -- there's no job i would rather have that one that requires you to train to play baseball before you can take it. i mean, what could be better than that? >> like every young kid's dream.

you get to be a professional athlete for a little while. i lived that out. >> jimmy: we have a clip of you in the movie. let's see. let's compare chadwick's style to jackie robinson. [ booing ] >> looking in. got that fastball working. what i mean to say is, he can talk a lamb chop. >> it's a hard hit ball down the third base line. gobbles it up and makes a long toss across the diamond. and robinson is out. >> come on! get some glasses! >> jimmy: that's pretty remarkable. wow. that was before instant replay. >> exactly, exactly. >> jimmy: you worked with har harrison ford. that's exciting? >> it's amazing, man. >> jimmy: you screened the movie for the president and the first

lady as well? >> it was a big week, wasn't it? >> jimmy: yeah. how was that? >> with the president? or harrison ford? >> jimmy: either way. >> it was amazing just to be appreciated on that level because it's almost like a in shakespeare time, the king and queen would appreciate some of the players. >> jimmy: and behead them if they did not perform. >> luckily i'm here tonight. >> jimmy: your head and everything. when you go and watch a movie at the white house, does mrs. obama allow you to have popcorn? or does she substitute celery or something like that? >> i think he overruled her on that. it was almost like this proclamation like there will be popcorn in the white house theatre. you can not watch a movie without popcorn. that's what he said. >> jimmy: did you get a chance to chat with him. >> i had two chances to talk to him. there was the first one where

everyone, you know, talks to him. all the people from the movie talk to him. but then he came over to me a little later, right when we were about to go into the theatre. and he says so, what are you doing next, right? and i can't tell you everything he said. but he gave me some good career advice actually. >> jimmy: that's a pretty good guy to get career advice from, the president. well, congratulations to you. it's an exciting movie. i'm very happy for you. it's called "42." the jackie robinson story. opens in theatres friday. be right back with alice in chains. >> the jimmy kimmel concert series is brought to you by sony.

>> jimmy: their new album comes out may 28th it's called "the devil put dinosaurs here." here with the song "stone" alice in chains. ♪ i know you think i'm wrong but i'm not your tour guide haven't guessed it don't let them look inside ♪ ♪ cold dry stone

what makes you want to carve your initials in me rain and weather ♪ ♪ erasing hard to read find me distant our world erupt obscene cold dry stone ♪ ♪ cold and dry and stone cold and dry and stone

i'm not a corner stone ♪

in a palace for you ♪ ♪ time will bring you hear it hold on truth not to worry ice covered rocks ♪ ♪ still move cold dry stone cold dry stone ♪

s [ applause ] >> jimmy: alice in chains. their album "the devil put dinosaurs here." i want to thank jason bateman, chadwick boseman. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. tomorrow night tom cruise, ke$ha and music from paramore. "nightline" is next. good night! tonight on "nightline" "accidental racist" the song that has some cheering and many sneering. brad paisley and l.l. cooljay square off. have they