>> dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- kaley cuoco. from "red widow", goran visnjic. and music from olly murs. with cleto and the cletones. and now, all i know is here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ]

>> jimmy: thank you for visiting us here. it's another beautiful day here in sunny california. oh, tomorrow, by the way, is arbor day. although i'm not sure why you would need to know that. there aren't any gifts to wrap or anything. my favorite thing is hearing our announcer dickey pronounce it. he has a thick boston accent and it sounds like he's talking about the singing band from sweden. say arbor day. >> abba day. >> now sing dancing queen. >> no. >> jimmy: sorry, trees. there was a ceremony today for george w. bush's presidential library. presidents get a library. i would rather have my own whiffle ball stadium.

but they like library, it's called the george w. bush presidential center. all five presidents showed up for the dedication ceremony, which is like the sequel to point break. it was a lot of presidents. former secretary of state condoleezza rice did the introductions for the event. and former first lady barbara bush was whispering to president obama and making them laugh. we couldn't hear what she was saying on the news but we were able to isolated audio using our audio isolation thing. we have one of those. >> i had the honoring national leaders, local leaders who came to join us on this occasion. governor texas, rick perry. >> where is he? he used to wet his bed.

>> that's funny. >> the governor of new jersey chris christie. >> oh, my, he tried to eat my hair once. >> he probably thought it was cotton candy. >> i love watching him do interviews because you never know what he's doing to say he's like a mad lib come to life. this is from john king on cnn. >> history will ultimate judge the decisions that were made for iraq. and i'm just not going to be around to see the final verdict. >> not going to be around is an interesting way to put it. >> in other words, i would be dead. >> jimmy: oh, that's what you meant? i miss him so much, i really do. benjamin franklin is getting a

makeover. the $100 bill is getting redesigned for the first time since 1996. they go into circulation october 8. it has new security features that will hopely make it harder to counterfeit. there's a security ribbon that runs through it. and this is kind of amazing. i got an advanced copy of the bill here. benjamin franklin's air is real. you can come it and everything. it's important to note, though, the old $100 bills are still legal. you won't need to trade your old bills in for new ones. beware of offers like this, no matter how enticing they seem. >> the new $100 bill is here. but don't throw out your old hundreds. change them with cash for cash. we'll exchange your old hundreds into brand-new mint condition $20 bills. old $100?

new $20. that's real money you can spend on new hundreds or stuff you need. send your money to cash 4 cash and get dollar per dollar. >> we're smart, you're dumb. >> jimmy: speaking of drugs, more trouble for justin bieber last night. justin is on tour in sweden right now. and during a concert in stockholm tonight, police searched his tour bus after they smelled marijuana. officers found a small amount of marijuana and 20 pounds of swedish fish on the bus. they also found an unregistered stun gun. have they fired his baby-sitter yet? because she's not doing a good job. no charges were filed because police couldn't prove ho who the pot belonged to. but i'll tell you one thing, it definitely wasn't the guy who wore a gas mask to the mall. justin appeared to deny these allegations in a tweet today. he said some of the rumor s abot

me, where do people even get this stuff. whatever, back to the music. got worried for a second. but he's back to the music. nbc now plans for a new game show. it's called the million second quiz. this is a game show on which contestants will answer trivia questions 24 hours a day for 12 days straight. 2 can 7b8 hours. that's not a quiz show. that's a kardashian marriage. but does nbc really expect us to pay attention to something that lasts a million second. i can barely get through a 45-second cat video on youtube. >> at radio city music hall in new york tonight, the first round of the nfl draft, andrew sicilliano of the nfl network was giving a rundown of how many picks each team gets, and it might be a good idea to grab a calculator to follow along.

>> these are the teams with the most picks. the 49ers have 13, ravens have 12, that's 25. i'm not good at math, but with 254 picks in the draft, those two super bowl teams controlled nearly 25% of this draft. >> yes, you are definitely not good at math. head injuries are starting to affect the announcers now. >> i love the draft. young guys that become instant millionaires on television. that's fun to watch. what's more entertaining is their names. it's time for my top three nfl drafty names for 2013. number three -- >> cordero patterson. >> number two. >> bjorn werner. >> and the number one nfl draft name for 2013.

>> bartivius mingo. >> jimmy: like a character from "game of thrones" and he has a brother named hutavius mingo. their mother must be the greatest scrabble player the world has ever known. virgin airline has an interesting new service. it's seat to seat ordering system. while you're sitting in your seat, you can use a touch screen to send drinks or food to passengers in other seats on the plane. they're promoting it as a new way to flirt with people on your flight. one problem with being a woman is you don't get hit on fluff by creepy strangers. what kind of a plan is this? richard branson says he hopes the new system will help travelers get lucky at 35,000 feet. see, i consider getting lucky not sitting next to someone with a tupperware container full of

soup. and one more thing, it's thursday night, for our weekly tribtd to the fcc. it is this week in "unnecessary censorship." . >> dad taught me how to be a president. he showed me how to [ bleep ] a man. >> shame on you. [ bleep ] twice shame on me. what's [ bleep ] five times. >> you also have great tips. >> we're going to go and [ bleep ] some girls. ready? >> do your parents approve of hower. >> if you told your mother you were [ bleep ] howard stern, how would she snond. >> what he is the first thing do you do in the morning? >> when i woke up i [ bleep ] crave the cat. >> this report is an inconvenient truth for many out there who oppose [ bleep ] which

has given us so much natural gas. >> i hope he continues and stays in school to get a [ bleep ] job. >> we weren't [ bleep ] you. we thought you were dead. >> i guess i left the ghetto -- let me explain to you. the average person don't go out to [ bleep ] the cows. >> jimmy: we're going to take a quick break. when we come back, a big event last night called afi night at the movies. who did you speak to guillermo? >> sally fields, cher an i don't remember the other lady. >> okay, great. don't move. ♪

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>> the american film institute had afi at the movies. blade runner, pulling vix fiction. whenever there's a big celebrity event in hollywood, our parking lot security guard guillermo is there to get everyone really, really drunk. >> hi, it's me guillermo for my

exclusive interview back to back. let's go there. >> oh, i can see you. >> welcome to the office. >> to the office? >> no, to the afi, a-f-i. >> thank you very much. is that your question? >> no, celebrities you crush. sidney portier. >> are you looking at me? that's [ bleep ] weird, man. >> i know it is. >> okay. >> would you do a shot of tequila with me? >> yeah, what kind have you got? >> the expensive one. >> are you serious? is this legal? >> yes, its's legal. it's america, free country. >> to sidney portier you crush. >> to sidney portier my crush.

>> you like it? >> are you sure that was the expensive stuff. >> is your name sally fields? >> yeah, it is. >> sally fields? >> no, s at the end of my name. there's only one of me. >> sally field, d. >> do you want a margarita upside down? >> i want a margarita any way i can get it. >> i get you one. >> now? yes. >> is that a real one? >> you take it, yeah. >> i got news for you. guillermo, that ain't no margarita. there isn't one when have of alcohol in that. >> i'll give you a shot of alcohol, here. ready? >> no, no, i got to go talk to

people. i may talk to them even better. >> for jimmy kimmel live, one question for you? >> do you believe in life after love? no? no? well, i guess not. i was right here, cher was coming but her publicist little guy like this say no, no, no, no. no, no. >> no, no, no, no, no. >> mr. grumpy pants. they just left. said no, no, no they just left. but hair smells great. >> this is great. you like back to back. >> back to back, belly to belly. >> me too. have you done your sister workout video? >> i did a lot of her second series. as i've had rip replacement and

i had to practice balancing. >> you know twwhat's good for hs is tequila. >> let me give you a shot of tequila. >> salud. >> [ bleep ]. >> i like you. we should work together more often. >> i agree. i like the way you pay your actors, that's cool. >> i love your show house of cards, but do you want to play some dice? throw your dice right here. >> what am i doing? if you get a good number, i tell you what you win. >> it's going to be like that, is it? cheap bastard. >> it's going to be a good price. >> oh, my gosh. you just won a shot of tequila. >> it's a good thing because that's all i can drink right now.

salud. >> cheers. >> good luck. i love this show. house of tacos. no, house of cards. i'm hungry. i'm thinking of tacos. a lot of people on the red carpet. i'm going to get me some tacos. goodbye, everybody. gl clapping for himself. >> jimmy: tonight on the show from "red widow" goran visnjic is here we have music from olly murs and we'll be right back with kaley cuoco. ys of walking

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>> jimmy: tonight on the program a very nice man you can see play a very mean man on the show "red widow" which airs sunday nights here on abc. goran visnjic is here. and then with music from his new album "right place, right time" british phenom olly murs from the sony stage.

>> jimmy: we've got a good line up for you next week robert downey jr. will be here, the great martin short will be with us, as will pierce brosnan, gabourey sidibe, leah remini, greta gerwig, jon favreau, our friend science bob pflugfelder will join us and we'll hear music from zac brown band, alice russell, band of horses, and the airborne toxic event. >> jimmy: next to the internet, marvel comics and storm troopers, our first guest is the best thing ever to happen to nerds; she plays penny on the big hit show "the big bang theory", which airs thursdays at 8 on cbs, please welcome kaley cuoco. >> jimmy: how are you? >>'s good to soo you. it's been so long. >> jimmy: when was the last time you were here? >> i think it's been 10 years.

i was 17 when i was here. i couldn't even drink. >> jimmy: that's too long. >> that's a long time. i did drink but i wasn't supposed to. >> jimmy: glad to have you here. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i understand that you have something that you want to get off your chest. >> yes. there has been a reason since it's been a long time. i've been saving, it's really important that i came and there's a big reason. i want to start at the beginning. there's kind of a story. i'm going to go way back in time like a month ago. so in television and lots of thing, there's something we call a gag reel. and on our show, johnny and i decided to play a prank -- so we were doing an episode where leonard and penny get in a fight. it was a valentine's day episode. we were preshooting and johnny and i decided now that we have a scene, let's do a prank where he actually fake punches me and i

go flying out of frame and he's going to pretend to punch me. just for the gag reel. >> jimmy: who was this prank on, the crew? >> exactly. johnny and i pretended we need one more. we made this whole thing un. so we go through it, and johnny punches me perfectly. i go flying off the chair. he's doing a fake punch. everyone is laughing. they call cut. now everyone is cracking up and i'm under the table thinking i think i got hit in the head. but i'm not sure. i'm praying i didn't get hit in the head. i'm throbbing. i said you guys did it look real? and everyone is staring at me in horror. and the first person i loeked eyes with is simon.

and he said dude, it looks too real. you can stop now. i said what do you mean? they thought i squirted blood down my face. i didn't even know. >> jimmy: like hulk hogan in wrestlemania. >> i'm a huge fan of ufc. i always wondered how those little cuts on the forehead were spraying. i touch my face and i'm like oe, my god, i'm bleeding. we don't have a very macho group of guys i work with. they're sensitive. johnny is in tears. simon is vomiting in the corner. i'm calming everyone down as the blood is gushing down my face. i had a hand held mirror, i was so surprised how much blood was

running down my face. the crew can't look at me. the guys are dying. i thought it was awesome. gh now i understand. >> jimmy: you're a mixed martial artist. this leads into t >> this leads into the second half of my story. so the following week happened to be the s.a.g. awards. and i had a black eye and six stitches. and it was really, really bad. >> you can't really tell people, oh, johnny gave this to me. >> exactly. >> jimmy: that wouldn't be good p.r. >> so i decided to have the brilibril i -- brilliant idea to wear bangs. so i got faked bangs. let me walk you through this. i pay a group of people who are

paid to tell me no. don't wear the bangs. i wore these bangs to the s.a.g. awards. and these bangs who i've named bev the bangs almost ruined my entire career. >> jimmy: how is that possible? >> well, i brought with you today to share with you because i need to put her to rest. >> jimmy: you brought the bangs? >> do you want to see her? people ask about her all the time. >> jimmy: looks like the lorax's moustache or something. >> i even have some pictures i'm willing to share. >> do you mind? >> oh, please, oh, please. i know, i know. laugh. >> jimmy: you look like a country singer. >> if i had worn that to the cmas, maybe it would have worked for me. it was honestly the worst

reviewed hair in history. >> jimmy: your hair got reviewed? >> yes, i have some quotes. do you want to hear this? >> perez hilton said what's up with those bangs? that's one set of fringe that's not banging. >> jimmy: clever. >> daily mail said the big bang theory misfired in her dres, but it was her helmet style hair that let the whole hair down. when i read this. it brings me back. let's see, i've got another one. sug sugarscape.com, kaley's norm my blond curls were transformed into some kind of protective space helmet. it looked like if you knocked on it the noise would echo for miles. is it even real hair?

>> jimmy: technicality it is real. it exists. it's not part of your head. >> i got one more. gofugyourself.com. >> what is even happening? this is a wig. and if it's not a wig, then heads should roll. >> this is what i had to deal with after i wore these bangs. >> jimmy: can i have this? >> i need to get rid of them. >> jimmy: come take this and also grab some balloons. like a bunch of them. and then i have a plan for this. we're going to take a break. >> bye, bev. >> jimmy: we're going to say goodbye to the bangs forever. caley cuoco is here. find chinese restaurant. that's awesome. i know...voice activated and great gas mileage. ....so much better than choosing voice activated or great gas mileage... that'd be like eating sweet or sour chicken...

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s. >> jimmy: you tweeted something. you met buzz aldridge, the astronaut. >> yes, he is an astronaut. >> jimmy: where did you meet him? >> he did an episode for my show. i wasn't in the scene and i actually never met him when he worked on the show. so a few weeks ago, we had our wrap party. it's a very private party for friends and family. i heard buzz was coming. i didn't know what he looked like.

i had never met him. i see this older man walking around taking pictures of everyone. i'm like i cannot believe they're letting party crashers in here. i'm looking for buzz aldridge. he says can i get a picture with you? unbelievable. i hear someone say buzz, look over here. as my arm was around him. >> jimmy: did you think he would be wearing an astronaut outfit. it would have helped. >> jimmy: you did a really good job of feigning enthusiasm. because it looks like the greatest night of his life to be honest with you. more excited than when he hit the moon. where is guiiiermo is up on our roof. now look at that.

it's kind of adorable. are you okay with this? i want to ask you for sure. >> i can't let her ruin any more lives. i have to release her into the universe and be done with her. >> jimmy: do you realize that somebody is going to find this in their swimming pool tomorrow. >> i'll have to look on twitter. >> it might be a fun thing. who will find it. >> tweet me, tweet me. >> jimmy: guillermo, can you hear me? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: i can hear you, you have a microphone on. you don't need to shout. are you ready to do this? >> make sure you let go because i don't want you flying away, too. >> okay. >> oh! >> jimmy: and there they go. >> that's amazing. >> jimmy: the big bang theory hairs thursday at 8:00 on cbs. we'll be right back.

>> going to be a dolphin that looks like donald trump when that hits the ocean. our next guest is the most popular and successful croatian actor this country has ever known you know him from nine seasons on "er." and can see him now as the crime boss who sends people there on "red watch it sunday nights at 10 here on abc. please welcome goran visnjic.

>> jimmy: did i pronounce your name right? >> yes. >> jimmy: visnjic. like fish stick. how long have you been living in the united states? >> 15 years, 14 years. you came here to be an actor or came here first to decide. >> in croatia i worked as a professional. but then the agent in france during a cannes film festival, my still agent today. she said would you like to come to work in the states? i was like we can try. >> jimmy: and what were your impressions of los angeles when you came? i would imagine -- and i have not been to croatia, but i'm guessing they're not that similar.

>> like we go from the airport, my first trip to the states, we go from the airport and we're on 405. now i know that was 405. i'm looking left, i'm looking right. it's surround with cars. and now i'm surrounded by cars. 6 lane, 6 lanes. 12 lanes of traffic. nobody is moving. wow. >> jimmy: did you think i need to go back. kind of. little bit like -- >> jimmy: i wouldn't blame you you're going to become an american citizen soon. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's the same as now, except you just have to go do jury duty. that's really the only difference. >> like jury -- >> jimmy: you didn't think of that? >> no, i forgot about that. >> jimmy: or at least find ways to get out of that. have you taken the test yet? >> yeah. i actually did take the test.

>> jimmy: did you do pretty well? >> yeah, pretty well. >> jimmy: do they tell you the score afterwards? >> some are trick questions or they're like what's going on? you have a question, for example, like which ocean is on west side of the united states. and you're like if i say pacific it's probably wrong. it must be something else. >> jimmy: but it's not wrong. it's too easy is what you're saying. which state is on the border with mexico. if i say california it's probably wrong. >> jimmy: there's more than one, actually. in fact, i got some questions from a sample test. this will be a good time to run through these. >> okay. >> jimmy: what city is the capital of the united states. >> ray: washington, d.c. >> jimmy: that is correct. >> how many judges are they on the supreme court? >> you do this for real? nine. >> jimmy: nine is right.

>> how ma >> how many judges on "american idol"? >> three? four? >> jimmy: four, correct. how often do we elect a president in the united states? >> four years. >> jimmy: which u.s. state most resembles the most sex organ? >> california? florida. >> jimmy: i don't know what's going on with you, but no. >> it's sub conscious. you're going to have to whittle that thing down a little bit. >> jimmy: which u.s. president had a wife named weasy. >> i don't know. >> jimmy: president george jefferson. you did very well. were your kids born here in the united states? so they're americans. doesn't that automatically make you an american. >> jimmy: i didn't know it worked like -- i thought you were automatically an american. >> no, no, no.

it would be the opposite. >> jimmy: do they speak croatian, your kids? >> croatian, english, spanish because we have spanish speaking nanny. and my oldest son is going to french school. so he speaks french school. >> jimmy: these kids are either geniuses or very confused. or both. >> when they're young, it's amazing. they're like sponges. they just pick it up really easi easily. >> jimmy: we've been trying to get guillermo to speak english for a long time now. but he passed his test no problem. right, no problemo? >> no problem. >> jimmy: do your kids know what you do? how old are they? >> my older boy is 6. he definitely knows somehow what i do. he sees me on the screen. and most often he's very confused before that. >> jimmy: you don't let him watch "red widow" do you? because he would think dad is

evil. >> he's seen "practical magic." >> jimmy: what did they think of that? >> when they killed me first time he was a little confused. they kill me the second time he's like what is going on? >> jimmy: your son probably thinks you're indestructible. >> jimmy: he won't be that sad at your funeral, number one. been there. >> i'm not going to let him watch this show, that's for sure. >> jimmy: probably not a good idea. but also, it's good because, like bruce wayne saw his parents killed only once and he became batman. it would be pretty nice to have a little batman running around the house. you play this crime lord who also does martial arts. now, you really are doing the martial arts as far as i can tell? >> yeah.

melissa rosenberg, our writer and producer of the show, she kind of likes to take things from your life p. >> jimmy: oso you did martial arts before the show? >> yeah, for about 10 years. >> jimmy: how did you get into that? >> i always wanted to do it. but as a kid, my mom said not for that. just go to school. martial arts, that's kind of crazy. >> then i came on the set of e.r. and there was this guy, the doctor, our technical adviser and somebody told me, you know, he's actually kung-fu master. >> jimmy: this is george clooney? >> no, john fong, our technical adviser. he's a real physician, real kung-fu master and his heritage is chinese, believe it or not. >> jimmy: i believe it. >> and we've been doing -- >> jimmy: he trained you to do kung- kung- kung-fu?

so you could probably beat everybody up in hollywood if you wanted. >> maybe not everybody. >> jimmy: what about steven segal? >> probably not. i don't know. probably not. i wouldn't go there. >> maybe we'll have some kind of thing with you guys. we'll put you on a roof and see who goes off first. >> next season on jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: it's very good to meet you. thank you for coming. it's a good show. watch it. sunday nights, 10:00 here on abc. goran visnjic. >> the jimmy kimmel live concert series is brought to you by sony.

>> jimmy: his album,"right place, right time" is out now here with the song "troublemaker" olly murs. ♪ ♪ you had me hooked again from the minute you sat down

the way you bite your lip got my head spinnin around ♪ ♪ after a drink or two i was putty in your hands i don't know if i'll have the strength to stand ♪ ♪ oh oh oh trouble troublemaker, yeah that's your middle name oh oh oh ♪ ♪ i know you're no good but you're stuck in my brain and i wanna know ♪ ♪ why does it feel so good but hurt so bad oh oh oh my mind keeps saying ♪ ♪ run as fast as you can i say, i'm done but then you pull me back oh oh oh ♪ ♪ i swear you're giving me a heart attack troublemaker it's like you're ♪ ♪ always there in the corners of my mind i see your silhouette every time i close my eyes ♪

♪ there must be poison in those finger tips of yours 'cause i keep comin back again for more ♪ ♪ oh oh oh trouble troublemaker yeah that's your middle name oh oh oh ♪ ♪ i know you're no good but you're stuck in my brain and i wanna know ♪ ♪ why does it feel so good but hurt so bad oh oh oh my mind keeps saying ♪ ♪ run as fast as you can i say, i'm done but then you pull me back oh oh oh ♪ ♪ i swear you're giving me a heart attack troublemaker why does it feel so good ♪ ♪ but hurt so bad oh oh oh my mind keeps saying run as fast as you can ♪ ♪ troublemaker i say, i'm done

but then you pull me back oh oh oh ♪ ♪ i swear you're giving me a heart attack troublemaker maybe i'm insane ♪ ♪ cause i keep doing the same damn thing thinking one day we gon change but you know ♪ ♪ just how to work that back and make me forget my name what the hell you do i won't remember ♪ ♪ i'll be gone until november and you'll show up again next summer, yeah ♪ ♪ typical middle name is prada fit you like a glove girl i'm sick of the drama ♪ ♪ you're a troublemaker >> jimmy: i want to thank kaley cuoco, goran visnjic. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. nightline is next. thanks for watching! >> jimmy: his album, "right place, right time," is out now. playing us off the air with, "heart skips a beat." see the full performance at jimmy kimmel live dot com. once again, olly murs, good night. ♪ you make my heart skip a beat i