"jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- jon favreau. gabourey sidibe. and music from band of horses with cleto and the cletones. and now, what else can i say, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> thank you, that's very nice. i appreciate that.

let me ask you a question. who's ready to hit rock bottom and rebuild themselves from scratch? i feel compelled to give you the latest on our dancing stars. the theme on "dancing with the stars" this week was latin night or saz as it's known in latin america, white people screwing up our culture. it's latin night when that he roll the "r" at the end of kelly pickler. someone had to say adios and that was andrew dick. sadly, the andy dick contain. program has come to an end. "dancing with the stars" is

dickless. goodbye yellow dick road, but don't worry, we will still be able to see him tango with the police on tmz. the police had their hands full today. we have the best car chases of any city in l.a. it's to make up for not having an nfl team or something. whenever the chase starts, everyone in the city stops work to watch it. the chase went on for about an hour. a guy in a stolen van was driving erratically on the 10 and 110 freeways. usually these are slow piece chases. this one was not. this guy really seemed to think he was going to get away. he hit a number of cars president at one point, he almost t-boned a punt right there. they threw spikes down. he kept going. the van was smoking, he kept

going. finally after an hour, again, he pulled the vanover and it was damage in front and he jumped out on foot and ran. you see, tried to make it into a parking lot behe slipped. police showed up. he took it pretty hard. we have to get andy dick on "splash." "splash" of course is one of the highly rated celebrity diving shows on television. and everyone gets hurt on it. they're so low on divers now, tonight they brought in what's called a mystery diver and even gave him a theme song. >> without further ado, let's bring out the mystery diver. ♪ ♪ he's a mystery

>> jimmy: can you not wait to find out who it is? let's find out who it is. tony hawk. he's actually a celebrity. for a minute i thought it was going to be brad pitt but it wasn't. so many guests have been you'red on "splsh" so far. i don't know how they're going to finish the season. by weekend zen seven it's going

be an hour ofst staring out an empty diving board. katherine webb, i don't know who these people are either. but she left the show with a back injury. brandi chastain hurt her high. rory bushfield injured his eardrum. and louie anderson bruised his baby back ribs. who would have ever guessed training untrained divers off a 30-foot platform would result in injuries. on thursday night at 9:00, every contestant on splash will be healed. >> on a very special "grey's anatomy." the doctors will come together to face a crisis unlike anything they've ever encountered. >> a fracture. >> combination fracture.

>> ahhh! >> the staff is overwhelmed as the diving pool is turned into a m.a.s.h. unit. >> is anybody going to call the o.r.? >> this is for the troops. >> "grey's anatomy -- blood on the spring board" only on abc. [ applause ] >> jimmy: in the netherlands today they have much celebration as they swore in a new king. this morning in amsterdam, queen beatrice abdicated the throne. he looks like he has a hangover. william is the first dutch king in more than 120 years. basically he's queen of a punch of pot and windmills. what do you actually do as king of the netherlands? they don't seem to have any laws

to enforce. king of the netherlands sounds like something you would call a friend who got too stoned. look at the king of the netherlands over there. put, hershey syrup on his toast. congratulations to our dutch friends and congratulations to all the nether landic people this is an historic day. you're from the netherlands, right? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: guilleo has been active on twitter the past few days. on saturday, he tweeted this. and then right after that, he tweeted, sorry, my son has my phone. i believe that is code for i'm drunk and i'm blaming my baby. who is the bimbo your son was referring to? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: guillermo's son has his mother's eyes and his

father's command of the english language. cross fit is very effective, but doing it every two weeks is very tiring. i won't be doing it until maybe three weeks from now. let me be straight, you do crossfit twice a month? every two weeks in. >> i only try once and then -- >> jimmy: are you training for the olympics or something? what's going on with you? >> no, i just want to lose weight. >> jimmy: and then around 11:00 last night, he wrote no more cra crossfit for me for life. if we shave your moustache, we might be able to get you a membership at curves. jason collins of the washington wizards came out of the closet today, making him the first open gay athlete who's playing a major american sport. a lot of people are very supportive of this. for me most notably retired nba

superstar karl malone called in to share his opinion on this with jake tapper of cnn. >> i'm speaking on behalf of karl anthony malone and i'm telling you that some of my best friends are gay. that doesn't test my manhood. it's not an epidemic if we touch a gay person we're going to kick over and die. that's your opinion and this is my opinion. and i see it like this. i'm karl malone, i approve this message. >> jimmy: he approves his own message. karl anthony malone. but he's right, though. it's not an epidemic. it really isn't. and jason caollins sat down wit bill from espn. i have no doubt he will be honored to have supplied us with our unintentional joke of the day. >> were you sitting there thinking, i hope somebody else comes out and i'll be right

behind them. >> jimmy: all right, we're going to take a break. we're going to have a very special birthday celebration for you. hereafter" on showtime, gabourey sidibe is here. and then, this is their latest album called "mirage rock." band of horses from the sony stage. don't scratch it kid. [ crunch ] ♪ get low now! ♪ whoo-hoo-hoo! [ siren chirps ] [ crunch ] ♪ put your back in it [ wolf howls ] whoo! ♪ [ tires screech ] [ crunch ] ♪ aaaaah!

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>> welcome back. this is a business idea i've never heard of before.

there's a new service in colorado called canine for security. if you suspect that your kid might be using drugs, they will bring a drug-sniffing dog to your house to search. it's kind of cool. your parents finally get you a dog and this is -- [ applause ] this is a quote from parents. this is how to find out what's going on in a noninvasive way. really? i think it's relatively innovati innovative. i like the old ways, counting the number of doritos bags. it can sniff exfacy, marijuana, cocaine, even ox ycotin.

how do drugs know smell of auz these? maybe it's the one with the problem. if you're so suspicious of your kid that you hire drug-sniffing dog to come to your house, then he's doing drugs. i don't blame him, you're horrible. willie nelson turn eed 80 years old. someone should probably let him know. >> you know you spoke too much when you can't remember your own birthday. here he is, 40,000 pounds of pot later. his mama let his baby grow up to

be an indian. i love willie nelson. he's really one of the greats. we thought it would be nice to give the people of los angeles a chance to wish him a happy birthday. we wanted to have some fun with it. my cousin sal went out to hollywood boulevard to get birthday wishes. he made people do it over and over again. let's find out how many times you can ask people to wish willie nelson a happy birthday to willie nelson before they get mad and walk away. >> say happy birthday to willie nelson. he's 80 years old. grab this. 80 years old 37. >> mr. wilson, you're an american legend. we love you. we're here in hollywood. >> did you say wilson? it's willie. >> you know what would be great, could you do it in a southern accidecen

accent? like happy 80th birthday. >> happy, happy 80th birthday. >> happy 80th birthday to willie nelson. many more to come. >> can we try british real quick? >> yo man, what's up? we wish you an 80th birthday. many more birthday to come. >> do you know german? >> oh, man. >> try, try. german. let's go. willie nelson 80. >> willie nelson we go. happy 80th birthday. you know what i'm saying. >> do you want to say happy birthday to willie nelson. he's 80 years old. is this your translator? this is going to be great. i like this already.

>> right to the camera. 80 years old. willie nelson, go. >> happy birthday to willie nelson. okay? >> happy 80th birthday willie nelson. i got to be on the road again. >> that was pretty good. do it more sensually. you know? >> sensually? >> yeah, sensual. get the old man's juices flowing. >> no, no, no. how long is this going to take? >> just keep going. you're doing great. real sensual. like you're really into it. >> happy birthday willie nelson. >> like i'm all sweaty over you, willie. >> happy birthday willie nelson. i'm all sweaty over you. okay? >> lick your lips. lick your lips.

>> how much longer is this going to take. >> pretty good. pretty sensual. we're getting there. i know what we need. >> happy birthday, hill lee nelson. okay. >> i think it's working. if you just twirl your braids seductively. >> back here and walk towards the camera. you're really walking it out of the park. >> now? okay, happy birthday willie nelson. i didn't agree to this. no. >> you're doing great. you're a natural. >> okay, good. >> i feel like you're in love with him. working great. all right. so you want to shoot this now? >> wait a minute. >> that was a good rehearsal. let's do it for real this time. >> wait, wait, wait. thank you say happy birthday

toby mcguire? >> jimmy: we have a good show. gabourey sidibe is here and band of horses. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] get sweep. and get email that keeps your inbox in order, automatically. he can talk to china, mongolia and all the koreas

and he eats velveeta shells and cheese. so who are you calling amateur? liquid gold. eat like that guy you know.

>> jimmy: tonight on the program a very funny woman you know from "the big c: hereafter" on showtime, gabourey sidibe is here. and then, this is their latest album called "mirage rock." band of horses from the sony stage. tomorrow night, pierce brosnan will be here from the movie "frances ha," greta gerwig will join us. and we'll have music from alice russell. and on thursday, the great mel brooks will be with us, as will our friend science bob pflugfelder, and we'll have music from the airborne toxic event. [ applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a multi-talented director whose very successful career has been populated with swingers, elves, cowboys, aliens and superheroes. his latest "iron man 3" opens in theaters friday, please welcome jon favreau. ♪

h how are you? >> the old arsenio entrance. >> jimmy: was that what it was like? >> he would do that, the peace sign and sometimes throw it out there, too. a couple of people over 40. i like it. >> jimmy: either that or they're just insane. it's good to see you. the first "ironman" movie, you were here before that one came out. >> you were one of the few who did care. it was even before robert was involved. we didn't have a lot otalk about. now there's a lot to talk about. >> jimmy: well, yeah, the movies are huge monster hits. this one, you did not direct this movie? >> no. i'm in it. i'm an executive producer, the successful handoff.

i've seen it. been working on it with them. turned out really, really well. >> jimmy: i hear it's great. i wanted to talk about being the executive producer after being the director two times. what happens when there's a disagreement wheen you and the director. who gets -- >> if we have a run-in over something. >> jimmy: yeah, you go, i don't think it should be this. he goes, i don't think it should be this. hey, i directed the last two? >> yeah a lot of that. >> jimmy: there would be no "ironman" if it wasn't for me. >> i rip off my toupee. yeah, yeah. well, shane black was involved behind the scenes. he's been friends with robert for a long time. >> so robert got his friend to direct it? >> yeah. it's a really cool role. but it's like when you have kids and grandpa comes over. you get to play with the baby, it's great. and then when the baby messes the diaper, you hand it back to its parent. that's what on the set is like.

the minute -- we're running late on the scene, i walk off to my trailer. i get to be a diva. >> jimmy: have you seen the movie with a real audience yet? >> i saw it at the el capitan. with a premier audience and earlier cuts. but no, i haven't seen it in europe. >> jimmy: why has it premiered in europe instead of america where iron man is from, iron man is created. you're the one who turned it over to the foreigners. >> i'm grandpa. i'm happy to be -- this might be my last thanksgiving. i'm happy to be here. >> jimmy: do they know ironman is not on their side? he's our iron man. >> they have different versions. >> jimmy: that's interesting. different flags flying over ironman headquarters? >> i wish i were joking. >> jimmy: you tweeted something

earlier this month. i had my first salsa lesson today. what's going on with that? >> twitter in general or my salsa letter? >> jimmy: no, i heard of twitter. i'm aware of it. >> i wrote something, i'm pl playing a chef. i wanted to learn how to cook. a little independent film i'm going to direct now. >> jimmy: is that true? you're salsa dancing and salsa eating? >> hopefully not at the same time. you can lose a finger that way. you know what i'm talking about. >> jimmy: i got you. >> we'll talk about it next time i'm here. can we talk about the martin scorsese movie? >> yes, we can. >> jimmy: oh, that we can talk about. >> i used to be a co-host with you. >> jimmy: you were. you were a co-host. you kept me afloat when i was drowning. >> i was there. it's been great and congratulations on 11:30. but anyway, martin score saiz

sooe, dream come true, bucket list. >> jimmy: sure. >> in swingers, we had -- we talked about scorsese movies and imitat some of the shots. >> jimmy: that's right. what do you call those shots that -- >> steady cam shot. we made fun of the one in "good mellows" and i was in one of the great steady cam shots. it was, you know, me and leonardo dicaprio walking together. i start with me eating a doughnut. so already i'm happy. take as many takes as you want. >> jimmy: is that nerve wracking? if you screw the take up, then they have to do it all over the again. >> i'm at the beginning of the take. i get to go off and watch the monitor and he gets to do his monologue and walk through the hundreds of extras and every little vignette. if you're in a martin scorsese movie as we realized, this is the shot, this is the steady cam shot everybody is going to be talking about. and any other movie you would be like, can't you edit this together with what we have. but with marty, you're like so

happy to be there and you just -- every take becomes -- adds to the experience. >> jimmy: as a director, when you're acting in a maw vie with martin scorsese, are you watching him for closely to learn as much as you can? oh, sure. you don't get to be on other people's sets. leonardo dicaprio is there. we're at long island, this beautiful horse ranch, this beautiful mansion, beautiful weather, sun shining, trees, grass. and up comes a town car. i met him before, but never been on his set. and out comes marty with an overcoat and a fe dodora. he looked around and said the sun's out, there are trees. everything is against me today. he's used to be working in lit little italy. he was working. >> jimmy: congratulations on that.

does it get any better than that? >> no. i could stop now. >> jimmy: come back and we'll see a clip from "ironman." . [ male announcer ] you know that guy

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>> it is a compliment. clearly somebody is trying to hide something. >> excuse me. >> ms. potts your 4:00 is here. >> did you clear this 4:00 with me? >> that is john favreau. >> that's the only 20 seconds of the film where we didn't have an explosion. . >> jimmy: speaking of explosion, you shot right here on hollywood boulevard. >> one would think. i went to -- they flew me to wilmington, north carolina, and out in a field they built the entrance of the gromin's chinese theatre. i was like you know, we have one in l.a.

it's already there. >> jimmy: why did they do that? >> i don't know. is it that cost effective to build the chinese theater in a cow field? >> jimmy: it can't possibly be. if only there was an executive producer watching over this. >> i know. >> wre shot in florida and north carolina and all over. >> and there will not be a fourth iron man? >> you haven't seen the movie yet. >> jimmy: tomorrow night. >> you before robert come in but after i come in. it's really scary. as you hand that off, you know, you put so much work and blood and sweat and you try so hard and you're proud of what you've done and now someone is taking it across the finish line. they did a wonderful job. i'm very happy. i can rest easy now.

i think everybody is going to enjoy it. it's a lot of fun. there you go.hg5 "ironman" opens friday. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] get email that lets you share, organize and stay up-to-date like never before.

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>> jimmy: our next guest is a talented and delightful woman. she was nominated for an oscar for her work in the movie "precious." you can see her now on showtime. the final season of "the big c: hereafter" airs monday nights. please welcome gabourey sidibe. ♪ sid [ applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> good, i'm great. >> jimmy: i was talking to joe favreau at the break. he asked you how are you doing? and you said oh, my dog died today. >> what do i do? do we ignore it? >> jimmy: that's karmic payback for telling john your dog died? >> because i'm a horrible

person. do you see what just happened? >> so you told him to get a rise out of him? >> i don't know, i just love lying. i'm an actress. >> jimmy: last time you were here, you said you were studying to get your driver's license. was that a lie also? >> no, no, that was true. a sad truth. >> jimmy: did you ever get your driver's license? >> yeah finally. i got my permit the first season of "the big c." i thought it would be nice by the last show if i finally got it. do you have your driver's license yet? i was like no. they were disappointed. >> jimmy: how do you get around? >> taxis. bum rides, yeah. >> jimmy: so now you -- where did you go for your driver's test then? >> i had to go to staten island for it. so i had to drive there myself. which sounds horrible.

i live in manhattan. it's actually like an hour or something. an hour drive on the freeway or something to staten island. and by the time i got there, i decided i no longer wanted it. i decided i hated driving. >> jimmy: so you drove to your driver's test without a license. >> which is stupid, right? that's dumb. >> jimmy: i bet a lot of people do that. if i was them, i would look around to see if you were with anybody. >> well, there was an instructor there that was, like, weird. >> jimmy: a driving instructor? >> i went to school and the driving instructor, it was a car with another pedal on the other side. >> jimmy: i want that for my own personal use. wouldn't it be a weird thing to have? you didn't like -- what was weird about the instructor. >> he kept hitting on me. honestly, though, he was like -- okay, he says so where's your husband? he -- i said i'm single.

he said where's my application to sign up? i'm like sir, please. it's weird. like i'm going to fall for that? i was trying to concentrate on my driver's test, really. >> jimmy: did you have to take the written test first? >> i had already taken the written test. i already had the permit. so when i get there, you wait in a line and then some lady, the projector g proctor gets in the car. you drive around the neighborhood and she takes your test basically. >> jimmy: how did you do on the test? >> okay, i should probably not have my license and here's why. so first, she said -- by the way, the lady was so mean to me. she was really wildly mean to me. she was a real big c. plugging. so we get in the car and i'm driving. i already assume i'm going to fail this test. because most people fail it the

first time. >> jimmy: they do? >> yeah, they do. >> i was fine with that being my story. i got nothing to prove. so we're driving and she tells me to -- pull over. i always forget that. pull over. >> jimmy: it's a bad sign if you don't know that term. >> i forgot what it's called when you pull over but don't park. she says you need to single. that's part of driving. i'm like you're right. i think i'm failing. then she tells me to parallel park. i hit the curb. she's like it's okay, keep going. i know i'm too far out. i try to fix it hp wh. so i start backing up. she said what are you doing! she said you're too far out.

yes, we discussed that. i'm laughing the whole time. she tells me to pull over. pull over? got it. and again i forget to signal and i was like you are right. then she tells me to go back to where we started. and she starts check things off. okay, you passed. here's your license. and i was like excuse me, ma'am, excuse me? i almost brought her up on charges. because i was so -- i want to talk to your supervisor. i passed with a 30. >> jimmy: out of 100? >> i actually don't know. but i feel like 30 out of 100 is awful. that's not half. >> jimmy: no, it's not even half. maybe she was so nervous about you possibly coming back and taking her on another ride around the neighborhood she decided it would be better to just let you go out into the wild. >> she's smart.

>> jimmy: so has your driving improved? are you driving here in los angeles? >> mind you, that was in december. so last month in march, i had to shoot something out here. so i'm going to go ahead and rent a car. and drove around l.a. someone told me people in l.a. honk owl the time. i was ready for a fight. i swear to you this is true. it took me four days to learn how to take a left-hand turn at an intersection, which is important. >> jimmy: it's one of the key moves. >> it's important. but every time i -- okay, i can go but i forget the pedestrians are crossing. i know, right? this one time i trned and there was a whole bunch of people. i didn't hit anybody. everybody cool out. there was this guy like what was you doing! ev and punches the car.

>> jimmy: that's how you know you did something bad. the hood bang thing? what are you doing you big c! >> jimmy: that's no good. >> and h ee was right. because i almost hit him. >> jimmy: we do want to mention "the big c" is now a miniseries. does that mean someone is going to die on the show? >> no. it just means that the big c has turned into a miniseries. and it's now called "the big c: hereafter." >> jimmy: now it's an hour show instead of half an hour? >> four insftallments of shows. you'll cry. but you can cry of happiness and sadness. so just be there with your emotions. >> jimmy: it's great to see you.

i actually think i'm going to take the train tonight in case you're out on the road tonight. >> you should. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with band of horses. ♪

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>> jimmy: this is their new album, "mirage rock." this song is a tribute to the late jason molena of magnolia electric company called "i've been riding with the ghost." band of horses. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ while you was gone you must have done a lot of favors ♪ ♪ you've got a whole lot of things i don't think that you

could ever have paid for ♪ ♪ while you've been busy crying about my past mistakes ♪ ♪ i've been busy trying to make a change and now i made a change ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ ♪ i've been riding with the ghost i've been doing whatever he told me ♪

♪ i've been looking door to door to see if there was someone who'd hold me ♪ ♪ i never met a single one who didn't see through me none of them could love me if they thought they ♪ ♪ might lose me unless i made a change ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ ♪ see i ain't getting better i am only getting behind i am standing on a crossroad trying to make up my mind ♪ ♪ i'm trying to remember how it got so late why every night pain comes from a different place ♪ ♪ now something's got to change ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ ♪

♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ ♪ i put my foot to the floor to make up for the miles i've been losing ♪ ♪ see i'm running out of things i didn't