>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, rod stewart and edie falco with cleto and the cletones, and now, don't change a thing, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. can you feel it? you know what that is? that's love we're feeling in the

air right now. it has nothing to do with anyone in this room. yesterday in mcintire, georgia, honey boo-boo's mom and dad finally tied the knot. is that beautiful? mama june and sugar bear met in an online chat room nine years ago and it made love so sweet it gave us a honey boo-boo and now at long last they have been joined in holy mat nairobi. i'll be honest when sugar bear and june cut the mack reenie contain cheesecake, i cried like a baby. the bride wore this from the ted nugent collection. this is why the groom isn't allowed to see the bride behave the wedding. sugar bear wore camouflage pants and an orange vest. it was a match made in a

wal-mart dumpster. and honey boo-boo wore what looks like a flamingo and tea cozy meated at lady gaga's house. congratulations to sugar bear and mama june. they are registered at 7-eleven and the hometown buffet. beautiful. you know what, i wonder if they will go on a honeymoon-moon. i hope you had a safe and sane cinco demayo. it celebrates white people getting half off tequila shooters at tgifridays. >> guillermo, did you celebrate -- where is guillermo. excuse me, for one second.

you know, happens every year. oh. great. >> and the little frog say to the ladybug, i love you. >> guillermo, what are you doing? >> i'm reading to the kids. every monday i volunteer. what did you think i was doing? >> nothing. i was just coming to check on you. >> you thought i was too hung over to come to work? you thought i was drinking? >> yeah, i thought that. >> that's presumptuous. when you presume, you make an ass out of you and out of me. >> no, actually you don't but okay. i apologize, i didn't know it was a volunteer thing. >> it's okay. >> i'll see you back outside later. >> what a sucker! fiesta! yeah!

woo-hoo! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so -- i guess you really can't judge a book by its preexisting drinking habits. this is the story of a beer thief who is in cahoots with the most adorable accomplice in the history of crime. >> he is accused of stealing a beer taken from the back of a truck. deputies found a pet mouse in his backpack and had to call his dad to come pick it up. >> um -- i don't know why the

mouse was with him. >> jimmy: the mouse doesn't know either. dad, me and mr. cheesy are in trouble again. how does the news know to show -- a profitable weekend at the box office for "iron man 3" they made $175 million in the united states and $680 million worldwide. the second biggest opening all time behind "the avengers" which proves something i have known for a long time. we are all nerds now. "iron man 3" has made twice as much as the entire run of "iron man 2" and they decided not to show it any more. we made enough. the only thing i didn't understand when i saw it. i don't think i'm ruining it. iron man was in a lot of trouble and the world was in a lot of

trouble but the avengers, nowhere to be found. what happened? did he lose their phone numbers? they unfriend him on facebook? where were the avengers. seems like if the president is being held hostage, maybe bring the guy with the hammer that shoots lightning bolts. saturday was free comic book day and also star wars day. i don't know why they would schedule these on the same day and they did. and coast city comics in maine was hosting a celebration. two fans, one dressed as a storm trooper and one dressed as a ghost buster were attacked by this guy, a 6'4", 300 pound man. he threw the storm trooper to the ground and punched the ghost buster in the face. this happened -- during happier times. before the attack.

why would anyone want to punch those two? the bully was allegedly drunk and the police had to take him down with a stun gun. that's a shame. when nerds are outside a comic bookstore, leave them alone. that is their green zone. if they can't be safe there how can any of us ever be safe anywhere. justin bieber had another weird weekend. the enews twitter account posted this headline, exclusive, justin bieber to eonline i'm a gay. someone got ahold of the password for the account and decided to have fun. this is what happens when you

let him have skinny girl margaritas. if you sign up for the enews text message alert system you have some serious problems. you care that much about khloe kardashian hating her cankles you are of no use to any of us. i make it a policy to not get news from any network with an exclamation point in its name. they have a suspect but hay he has not been charged. meanwhile at his concert in dubai last night a man ran onstage tried to grab or hug or impregnate justin bieber, i don't know which. he embraces justin and knocks the piano over and yet somehow,

despite the attack, justin kept singing and the piano kept playing. that's how gifted a musician he is. i don't know why he would even bother. justin was unharmed. it's impossible to capture justin bieber because he is a leprechaun. the man was not arrested which is probably good. that would be a tough one to explain to your cell mate. this is crazy. the owner of a dry cleaner business in roswell, georgia, he turned into a real life action hero when someone hit his wife's car in the parking lot and tried to get away. >> this is a video of a wild ride he wouldn't forget. the driver backed into his wife's suv outside their dry cleaner. when he tried to stop her. kim says she kept going.

>> i jumped on the hood. >> i can't call police i'm using my phone to get you on video! you got a rush hour moment. >> jimmy: this is a strange thing, the pope formally known as benedict xvi moved back into the vatican this weekend. he has been living in the papal summer home and is coming back to the vatican city. this is like moving back in your parents after losing your job. but for the first time ever, a current and former pope are living in the same place. i wonder if it's weird for pope francis to have the old pope living there. it would be like if president bush moved into sasha's treehouse. the new hope is argentinian and lives very, very humbly.

they are from two extremely different worlds but they are trying to make the best of it. >> in 2013, pope benedict left his papal residency. that request came from the vatican. with nowhere to go he turned to his old friend, pope than face. can two lifelong bachelors share an apartment without driving each other crazy? ♪ [ "the odd couple theme" ] >> jimmy: religious comedy. we need to take a break. when we come back from this break we are together going to witness chris christie killing a

spider. is that good? i don't know. and rod stewart and edie falco are here too. so stick around. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] get email that lets you share, organize and stay up-to-date like never before.

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>> jimmy: hello there, welcome back. rod stewart and edie falco are here with you. one will sing and the other will not. but the night is very young. on saturday, the 139th running of the kentucky derby was saturday. they call the kentucky derby the most exciting two minutes in sports. it isn't. but they call it back. i think the most exciting two minutes in sports would be mike

tyson fighting a hammer head shark. a horse named orb won the derby. someone asked each jockey to announce the name of the horse he's riding and the results were wonderful. >> javier castellano, norman invasion. >> jimmy: this is jose espinoza. >> [ indiscernible ]. >> jimmy: and edgar prado. >> edgar prado charming kiting. >> jimmy: maybe you have a future in horse racing, guillermo. glad to see you're back. >> my people. >> jimmy: in other sports news,

the nbc playoffs are in full swing. the oklahoma city thunder knocked the houston rockets out quickly. but this happened after game five. they got a surprise visit from the son of deandre liggins in tonight 's edition of behind the news. >> going back to the locker room. it was a game time decision. he worked out earlier today. the decision was made he just could not go. it is better to let him reup so he will be ready for friday night. but he had time to visit with us after the game and give us his thoughts. >> when i do that, i get arrested. >> jimmy: new jersey governor chris christie had a funny moment on friday. a group of school children was visiting his office and someone

spotted a spider on his desk and this happened. >> you see the spider? where is it? look at that. >> jimmy: wiped it on his chair and put it in his pocket. and you thought he was going to eat it, didn't you? unfortunately for the governor he now has a problem with peta, the animal rights group, not the mediterranean bread. but i'm surprised. i didn't know peta covered insects too. i guess they are animals but they put out a statement suggesting that the governor be more compassionate to even the smallest animals. listen, if you have eight legs and can't outrun chris christie

you deserve to get smacked. no offense but -- an animal rights organization this guy eats 48 cows a year and this is what peta is upset with? a spider is a spider. if you can, let it go but sometimes you have to kill it. i don't think it was wrong for governor christie to react like that i do think the music video he made kind of rubs it in. ♪ the itsy bitsy spider was crawling on my desk ♪ ♪ all the kids noticed but i was not impressed ♪ ♪ down came my hand and killed the spider dead now get me a cake and a loaf of garlic bread ♪ >> and they did. really, no offense i wish him

the best but i hope he never loses a pound. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, edie falco is with us. and we'll be right back with the great rod stewart. >> portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by the windows phone. readers choice smart phone of the year. [ male announcer ] if she keeps serving up sneezes...

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>> jimmy: hi there. welcome. tonight on the program with music from the sony outdoor stage, rod stewart is with us. and an emmy award winning actress, from "nurse jackie" edie falco is with us. tomorrow night robert downey, jr, simon pegg will be with us. we'll have music from goo goo dolls, tobey maguire, zoe saldana, and music from fitz & the tantrums and will.i.am but not together, separately. our first guest tonight sold more than 200 million records and made love to roughly three times that many women. this is his first album of new material in almost 20 years. it comes out tomorrow.

it's called "time" please welcome rod stewart. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: look at you. still dashing and debonair and all those things. >> trying. >> jimmy: how is everything? >> it's embarrassingly well. >> jimmy: why not, right? you live under a lucky star. >> stiff from my game of football yesterday but other than that i'm fine. >> jimmy: you were here a couple of years ago and your wife penny is about to have -- she had the baby, right? >> we have a two-year-old son called aidan. he is gorgeous. he doesn't know what his dad does for a living. he has never seen me on stage. why is dad home all day? >> jimmy: it isn't work when they see you.

>> it is work. >> jimmy: it is work. >> i'm telling you. it's hard work, mate. >> jimmy: you know, sometimes when musicians are here their kids are on the side of the stage and they want to run out on stage because they see daddy or mommy singing and they don't understand that -- that that can't happen. they could get hit by fire or something. >> i don't make a habit of it. >> jimmy: you have so many kids. it would be like a fire hazard if you -- how many kids do you have? >> eight kids. >> jimmy: eight kids? like an nba player. >> each one of them has had their moment on stage. >> jimmy: they have? >> i don't make a habit of it. i bring them out and let the audience see it. >> jimmy: do they like it? >> they love it. >> jimmy: what is the age range of your children? >> two to 15.

>> jimmy: not two to 50? >> moving on. >> jimmy: technically your kids could be their own grandparents. >> indeed. >> jimmy: or maybe not. that is quite a span. you have plenty of babysitters. >> and you? >> jimmy: 21 and 19. >> a troublesome age. >> jimmy: mine are not the spawn of rod stewart. >> how do you know they're well behaved? >> jimmy: as long as i don't they're well behaved. >> that is true. >> jimmy: one of your good friends friend is elton john. how did you guys meet? >> i can't remember. it's that long ago. but we've sort of been great friends and drifted apart, as it were. so the other night he was doing

a concert for m.s. and he couldn't have been more delightful and he said i'm pleased to be here supporting m.s. and my old mate is here and he has a new album coming out. he couldn't have been more lovely. >> jimmy: how long ago did you meet? >> we have known each other for 40 years i imagine. >> jimmy: at one time you went on a safari together. >> it was so gay. it was wonderful. >> jimmy: in what way was it? >> wait for it! we're in the middle of kenya and we used to dress up and eat outdoors. but we dressed up in bow ties and jewelry for dinner. >> jimmy: on safari? >> and we would go around and study droppings. we were calling each other

poopologists. >> jimmy: is this where he got the idea for the "circle of life" song? >> it could have been. >> jimmy: you have nicknames for each other? >> i'm sharon and she's phyllis. no i'm phyllis and she's sharon. >> jimmy: and he is a competitive guy, right? elton john. are you competitive with each other? >> we were when we were younger. i remember one time i was playing a show in london and i had a song called "blonds have more fun" and underneath he had a banner that said but brunettes had more money and a huge soccer ball over the arena once and he had a marksman shoot it down.

>> a spy versus spy relationship. do you do things to him? >> i have done embarrassing things to him as well. do you want a to hear? >> jimmy: of course. >> it was christmas 1970-something. and i found this wonderful fridge where you press a button and a thing comes up with the champagne and i paid 300 pounds for it. i thought it was a lot of money in the '70s. i gave it to him. and he gave me his present. his was a rembrant. did i feel cheap or what? he genuinely the most generous guy. >> jimmy: what was his reaction when you gave him the rembrant and you returned something from the sharper image catalog? >> we joked about it. >> jimmy: who has the rembrant now? >> i keep my artwork.

>> jimmy: do you think he still has the crappy refrigerator? >> it probably conked out months later. >> jimmy: rod stewart is with us. this is his first album in years. it's called "time." we'll be right back. >> the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony. [ male announcer ] let's say you pay your guy around 2% to manage your money.

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>> jimmy: edie falco is on the way. and look at this, rod stewart is here with us. he's got his first album of new material in almost 20 years. >> 20 years. >> jimmy: what took so long to write new material? >> i had "the american songbook" and i was lazy and lost faith in my song writing. >> jimmy: you did? >> i did. but now i'm got it back and i'm happy. >> jimmy: you got a good review today. do you care about getting a good or bad review? >> of course you do. it's nice that the critics are liking you. it's nice when it all falls into place. >> jimmy: everybody loved your book. it's called "rod" and you know, you and i don't have a whole lot in common. unfortunately for me.

>> clothes sense we have. >> jimmy: even that, this was all handed to me by a man. but we do have something in common and that is a passion for a specific type of cartooning. >> what could that be? >> jimmy: i like to draw penises on things. >> oh, man man. >> jimmy: you mind? thank you. wow. that's -- you might need a check up. >> that's yours. you showed me -- >> jimmy: would you mind doing one more for me. this is my "view" mug. just right there by joy or -- yeah.

what sorts of places besides this do you -- >> it's really childish. >> jimmy: i agree. i'm ashamed of myself but i couldn't be more delighted to have this. where are you inclined to draw these? there is a chance i might outgrow this? >> absolutely. in the mid '80s the band would get our passports and draw penises on them. and i said if you get in trouble in passport control. say my six-year-old child did it or turn it into a tree. >> jimmy: i used to do -- >> did you used to the it? >> jimmy: cleto does it to my drawing pads all the time. i would go in my dad's legal pads and draw a huge one on it and he would be taking notes at work and i was delighted to find

in my note backs my son had drawn a very graphic -- the hakuna matat. >> we are the penis brothers. >> jimmy: that would be quite a tour. thank you for being here. congratulations on the new album. there it is. it's called "time" it comes out tomorrow. we'll be right back with edie falco. >> portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by windows phone. the windows phone, the readers choice smart phone of the year.

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>> jimmy: hi, there. still to come, music from rod stewart. our next guess guest has four emmys and two golden globes. her show is "nurse jackie" you

can watch it sunday nights on showtime. please say hello to edie falco. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you don't look like nurse jackie or carmelo sparano. i like that color on your hair. >> and i like yours. >> jimmy: it has always been this color. you just finished up a play in new york. >> yesterday. >> jimmy: what was the play. yesterday? >> yes. it is called "the madrid." >> jimmy: are you glad it's done? >> i'm a little tired. so i don't mind that it's done. it's fun. >> jimmy: do you get bored saying the same lines over and over again? >> no. but this is a much more prolonged conversation. but you learn new ways to get excited about it. that's what i'm supposed to say.

>> jimmy: do you find your mind wanders. >> you only know the problems that get solved. >> jimmy: you are reciting -- acting dialogue and your head is thinking about other things? >> limited time. i've got this play to do and i have things to organize. so i do multitasking. >> jimmy: do you text during the play? >> they tell me in the beginning not to. there is an announcement. >> jimmy: i didn't know that applied to the actors. you're a knicks fan. >> huge fan. >> jimmy: it looks like you have good seats seeing how there is no one in front of you. >> this is my son anderson. >> jimmy: your boyfriend is very young. >> have you seen that show, cougars? i'm kidding. they come out and shoot those t-shirts out of the cannons.

and my son wants to know when we can sit back there and we can get one. i know. i should never say that outloud. >> jimmy: you can save a lot of money. >> i can't buy him one. >> jimmy: do you worry about the fact that your son as a kid -- i thought about that. you get good seats. >> they don't know it's not like this for a lot of other people. >> jimmy: with my parents we had terrible seats to everything. >> we never went. this is a very big deal. >> jimmy: your seats were at home. that's how bad they were. they weren't even -- not even in the same city. so it's like you wonder are they going to be disappointed the rest of their lives. >> jimmy: my daughter was four at the time and walking down the street with her best friend and her friend turns to her and says where is your summer house?

and the nausea goes through your body. >> jimmy: there is nothing you can do about it unless you want to blindfold them. >> and the chances are they will have problems regardless how they are treated. >> jimmy: keep your fingers crossed. here you are racing on a motorcycle? >> it's an electric bicycle. go home and plug it in. >> jimmy: and you drive this around new york city? >> i do. and normally my son is behind me. >> jimmy: on his own? >> well, what do you mean? >> jimmy: there are three people -- >> is that legal? >> problem not. >> jimmy: i don't think this is legal. >> i won't with "b" doing it any more. >> jimmy: in a car you have to have them in a car seat. >> i have a belt tying us all together. if we go, we go as group. >> jimmy: you are strapped in

there. >> it goes very slow. >> jimmy: how slow? >> 17 miles an hour. >> jimmy: that's not bad. >> it's not. it's the best thing i ever did. >> jimmy: that's the best thing you have ever done getting this thing. do you have trouble with the cabs and traffic? >> i have been living in new york a long time. they have trouble with me. >> jimmy: are you a road rage person? >> i'm a bit of a road rage person. >> jimmy: are you really? >> it's awful. it's like, you know, it's very bad, i have an issue with that. >> jimmy: how scared must people especially during the sopranos. that's nice. and you are screaming like carmela and if you get hit by one you are nurse jackie. >> either way i'm covered. >> jimmy: do you watch the sopranos on television ever? >> we did a lot of episodes and there are a good number i haven't seen ever. >> jimmy: you haven't seen them?

>> no. >> jimmy: how is that possible that i have seen more episodes than you have? >> i don't have hbo. totally kidding. totally kidding. i work for showtime now. >> jimmy: you are loyal to your network. >> but when you're working and all the stuff happens it's weird to -- and you are watching yourself did that scene work? >> jimmy: what about "nurse jackie". >> i have seen -- i'm more intrinsically involved in that. i give feedback. >> jimmy: in progress but not sitting at home. >> no, i have other stuff to do. >> jimmy: and "nurse jackie" is sometimes comedy and not at all a comedy. where are we right now with the new season? >> it's getting more comic i think. i think things are lightning up

a little bit. there are men in the picture. and you know how that can be light. >> jimmy: divorce on the show? >> yeah. yeah. but i think -- >> jimmy: that's fun. >> yeah. i think she's starting to -- >> jimmy: sobriety. >> it's hard and interesting and difficult. but she is entering the world again. >> jimmy: thank you for coming. be careful on your bicycle. >> i know. >> jimmy: it's edie falco, everybody. "nurse jackie" on showtime. we'll be right back with rod stewart. >> the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony.

the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony. >> jimmy: this is his brand new album. it is called "time" here with the song "can't stop me now," rod stewart. ♪

♪ i stood up straight and sang for the record company man my enthusiasm ♪ ♪ filled the room i was young and i was keen with the devil in my stream as i hollered out ♪ ♪ an old blues tune we can't sign you son 'cause you don't fit in the mold ♪ ♪ with your hair and your nose and your clothes i said thank you ♪ ♪ gentlemen for this opportunity and moved on down the road and i remember ♪ ♪ i used to say they can't stop me now the world is waiting it's my turn to stand ♪ ♪ out in the crowd they can't stop me now the tide is turning i'm gonna make you proud ♪ ♪ so proud so proud well it was rough and it was tough

but i couldn't get enough ♪ ♪ of this rhythm and blues i craved i was singing in the pubs singing in the clubs ♪ ♪ then along came maggie may all the things were said to me and all the things i heard ♪ ♪ i had a point to prove oh yeah i will climb this mountain with this god-given gift ♪ ♪ if it's the last thing that i do and i remember thinking they can't stop me now ♪ ♪ the world is waiting it's my turn to stand out in the crowd they can't stop me now ♪ ♪ the tide is turning i'm gonna make you proud they can't stop me now ♪ ♪ the world is waiting it's my turn to stand out in the crowd they can't stop me now ♪ ♪ the tide is turning

i'm gonna make you proud born to ramble born to sing ♪ ♪ in a new world of rock 'n' roll one man in particular filled my heart with pride ♪ ♪ and he fired up my soul oh yeah thanks for the faith thanks for the patience ♪ ♪ thanks for the helping hand thanks for the love thanks for the guidance thanks for the tartan ♪ ♪ pride they can't stop me now the world is waiting it's my turn to stand out in the crowd ♪ ♪ they can't stop me now the tide is turning i'm gonna make you proud they can't stop me now ♪ ♪ the world is waiting

it's my turn to stand out in the crowd they can't stop me now ♪ ♪ the tide is turning i'm gonna make you proud i'm gonna make you proud i'm gonna make you proud ♪ ♪ oh, yeah. >> jimmy: i want to thank edie falco. i want to apologize to matt damon. his album "time" is out now. playing us off the air with "brighton beach," once again, rod stewart, good night. ♪