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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  May 24, 2013 11:35pm-12:36am PDT

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>> dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, chris pine. from "nashville", connie britton. and music from dawes. with cleto and the cletones. and now, as you well know, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining me. high atop my mountain fortress, i have a lot to get to tonight. so i'm going to start with
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president obama. this afternoon, president obama held a joint press conference with the prime minister of turkey. why turkey, i'm not sure. i think those are the only sandwiches his wife lets him eat. the press didn't really care about the prime minister of turkey. reporters were focused on the numerous firestorms surrounding the white house right now. they drilled the president on benghazi, the irs, the subpoenaed phone records, they want to know why randy jackson is leaving "american idol." [ laughter ] and i think the stress is starting to get to obama. at one point he started screaming, i did not have sexual relations with benghazi. [ laughter ] and on top of that, it was raining. as you see, the president had a very serious looking marine holding an umbrella for him. that pose seems familiar to me. where do i know that from? oh, that's right. why do they even have a press
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conference? there's a 55,000 square foot house directly behind them. while president obama is dealing with all those controversies this is what vice president biden is up to. a 7-year-old boy from milwaukee, miles nelson, wrote a letter to the vice president. he has an interesting solution to our problem about gun violence. dear vice president biden, i have a great idea to make our country safer, better and the best. i think guns should shoot out chocolate bullets so no one will get killed and no one will be sad. sincerely, miles. [ cheers and applause ] which, you know, on one hand, it's great this 7-year-old is concerned enough about gun safety he would write a letter to the vice president. on the other hand, he's clearly stoned when he came up with this idea, right? and that's disturbing. although guns that shoot chocolate bullets would be a great way to liven up an easter egg hunt, wouldn't it? believe it or not, the vice president wrote miles back.
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he wrote, dear miles, i'm sorry it took me so very long to respond to your letter. i really like your idea. if we had guns that shot chocolate not only would our country be safer, it would be happier. happy people love chocolate. you are a good boy. joe biden. you are a good -- do you think he thinks he was writing a letter to a dog? the saddest part is, that is the first letter joe biden has ever received since he took office. [ laughter ] miles asked why he chose chocolate as the magic substance he chose for bullets to be made of, he had a good reason. >> i just love chocolate very much. that's why i made it chocolate bullets. >> if you really want a politician to get behind guns with chocolate bullets, the guy you should be writing to is governor christie. he will get this done. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] broadly agreed. tonight, the much anticipated release of the new movie "star trek into darkness."
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you know, they loved -- the release date moved up a day. they moved it from friday to thursday because people were having asthma attacks. they were so excited. the film is expected to make $100 million this weekend. that's a lot but imagine how much it would make if the people buying tickets were going with dates. [ laughter ] you know, whenever there's a big movie like this coming out, the studio will try to come up with different ways to present mote it. most star trek fans are men, or a reasonable facsimile of. many women might not be interested. it's a big budget movie and there are groups of people that aren't interested in that. they cut a variety of trailers. in an attempt to appeal to a variety of audiences. well, this one i believe is an attempt to attract indie movie fans. >> i was almost 30 and my life was going nowhere fast. i was a slave to my dead end desk job.
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and city life was getting destructive. then one day, i decided it was time for a change. >> i'm sorry. >> so i went on a trek. i have no idea what i'm supposed to do. into the wilderness. i only know what i can do. sometimes the final frontier is inside yourself. trekking. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, apple just reached a major milestone. yesterday, 50 billionth app was downloaded from the apple app store. that's more than seven apps for every person on earth. which means there's a goat herd somewhere in africa leaning on a stick playing doodle jump. one of those 50 billion
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downloads was me entiring an entire bank smizing app. i am ashamed. 50 billion is a lot especially considering the app has only been around since 2008. just a few short years ago, none of us determined where the closest stranger who wanted to have anonymous sex was. it was like we were cave people. when it comes to technology, our friends in china are working very hard to keep up with us. this man somehow dropped an engine into a recliner. and took it out on the road for a drive alongside another vehicle. it doesn't look like he's having fun at all. you'd think a guy who travels by recliner would be more relaxed. i have to hand it, that is a hilarious way did die. last night's power ball drawing as you may have heard was for $360 million. nobody won it.
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apparently people just weren't trying hard enough. so now the jackpot for saturday's drawing is $550 million which makes it the second largest -- i like how you were excited about that but the other amount -- $550 million, a lot of money. powerball sounds like something lance armstrong gets after he drinks one of his performance enhancing smoothies. [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. the odds of winning saturday are 1 in 175 million. which, you know, here in california there's a much easier way to make $550 million for not doing anything. it's called being a kardashian. [ laughter ] that's right. [ cheers and applause ] if i won the lottery, this is what i would buy. last night in an auction in new york city, a topless painting of bea arthur of "the golden girls" among other shows sold for $1.9 million. painted by john curran in 1991, it sold to an anonymous bidder
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which is -- you'd think the guy who paid $2 million for bea arthur's boobs would want people to know about it. 9 that's a lot of money. the worst part is now my google search history has the words bea arthur naked in it. for all -- my kids do a search for the beach, they're going to think i'm nuts. this is pretty great. i stumbled on this today during my morning workout routine. my morning workout routine is i watch other people workout while i eat apple jacks. in this video, a trainer named lisa is demonstrating how to do an exercise called a squat front raise. but she's not in a gym. she's in what appears to be her apartment, which will be important in a moment. play close attention here. >> okay, let's work those legs. full body exercise. i'm going to use my equalizer for this. we're going to do a squat and a front lift. very important. your knees are behind your toes. your weight is going in your heels. and when you squat back, you lift the equalizer. >> okay, look at this.
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there's a man sitting on the toilet in the background. doing a very different kind of squat. you should always close the door when you're on the toilet, but especially when a workout video is being shot in your home. guys are the best, aren't they? one thing, you know, there's a lot of scorn lately towards abercrombie & fitch. i didn't know this. i would sooner chop off one of my feet than wear their clothes, but abercrombie and fitch don't carry sizes bigger than large because they don't want overweight people wearing their clothes. there's an interview from 2006 that for whatever reason just went viral with the ceo of abercrombie. mike jeffries. he says he only wants good looking people in his stores because gad-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we don't market to anyone other than that. obviously this is a lot of
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people upset. one very perturbed gentleman in particular is doing something about it. >> hi. i'm jim o'hare. yes, i'm plus sized. abercrombue's ceo says he does not make clothes for fat people. but that doesn't mean that fat people can't wear abercrombie & fitch clothes. i'm here to show you exactly how you can do it. step one, walk into your local abercrombie & fitch. excuse me, where are the men's shirts? no, they're not for me. step two, assemblage. take your shirts and lay them out. then you want to cut the shirts up the center length-wise. now you want to line up the fabric. and then use your double-stick tape to secure the seams.
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lastly you want to staple the collar and the sides securely. there you have it. i am now rocking an abercrombie crombie crombie and fitch. your clothes are so stylish. they're fantastic. i'm going to wear this shirt everywhere. i look amazing. i look amazing. up, up, up. oh! >> jimmy: thank you, jim. we're going to take a break. when we come back, we have created the most adorable reality dating show ever. it is called "the baby bachelor" and we're world premiering it tonight. plus chris prime, connie britain and music from dawes tonight. don't go anywhere. i've gotta have that badonkadonk butt.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. connie britton and music from dawes are moments away. before we get to that, we have something i think you'll like. most of you know me as a talk show host, but i'm also a very prolific producer. they call me the black ryan seacrest for a reason. i'm always looking for new ideas that i can turn into shows. and this one, my brother jonathan put this one together. it stars my nephew wesley. his son wesley has been looking for love for years now. and he's been unable to find it so far. but tonight that changes. tonight, everything changes for good. >> first came "the bachelor"
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then "the bachelorette" and now -- >> hi. i'm wesley. the baby bachelor. >> "the baby bachelor." america, meet wesley. he's single, he lives with his parents, and he takes great care of his body. >> i hope i can find my bride. >> i sat down to talk with wesley about love, commitment and his future. wesley, are you ready to meet the woman of your dreams? >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you have a lot of dreams? what kind of dreams do you have? >> a fire truck and egg and the turnaround bed. >> jimmy: the bed turned around? >> my bed. >> jimmy: very good. go out there and find your wife. >> okay, jimmy. >> reporter: who will steal his heart?
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>> i'm looking for the one. >> shake. nice to meet you. >> i hope he doesn't break my heart. >> i'm looking for a sugar daddy. >> jimmy: some of the girls were more vulnerable than others. [ crying ] >> it's okay. just shake my hand. >> jimmy: and one bachelorette makes a strong first impression. ♪
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>> hi. i'm ashley, i'm 26 and i'm a dental hygienist. hi. >> hi. >> what's your name? >> i'm ashley. >> i like the big girl. you can go over there. >> okay. >> jimmy: as the girls got to know each other, one of the littlest caused big, big trouble. >> i'm brekke. >> brekke's showing off. >> she's showing off. >> what is she wearing? ♪
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>> frankie's got a lot of nerve. >> jimmy: next time on "the baby bachelor" jessie stops playing nice. >> you didn't share! >> jimmy: an astonishing confession. >> i think i love you, wesley. >> jimmy: and wesley makes his pick. you have a difficult decision to make. who will wesley choose to stay? and who will go bye-bye. >> will you accept this dinosaur? >> jimmy: the baby bachelor. join us for episode two of "the baby bachelor." tonight on the show, from nashville, connie britton is here with us. we have music from dawes and we'll be right back with captain kirk, chris pine. [ cheers and applause ]
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[ cheers and applause ]
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tonight on the program, terrific actor and star of the show "nashville." season one fine ali airs wednesday night on abc. connie britton is here with us. and then a great band in right here in l.a. with music from this album called "stories don't end," dawes from the sony outdoor stage. we've got a new show for you tomorrow night -- with adam levine, alice eve, and music from bad rabbits. so join us then. our first guest tonight is a talented young actor who worked hard, stayed in school, and now gets to drive a starship to work. he reprises his role as james t. kirk in the new 3d movie "star trek into the darkness," which is in theaters this very second. please say hello to chris pine. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> there are differences, revamped. >> jimmy: we did this up especially for you. >> oh, man. >> jimmy: how you doing? >> i'm very well, how are you? >> jimmy: it seems like every time you're here, you've just been on a tour of the world. >> yeah. we're really lovely. first of all, it's a film we all really enjoy and a bunch of people we all like. >> jimmy: i enjoyed it too. i thought it was really good, too. really great. do you like doing that? do you like going around to various countries? >> i do. it's a great opportunity to see a bunch of places. we've been everywhere but -- >> jimmy: people don't like it -- >> it's hard to answer the same questions over and over again. but at the end of the day, life could be a lot worse. what's it like to go to set, what is j.j. like? >> jimmy: what is j.j. like? he was here last night and we didn't really get a sense of him, i felt. do you like being -- what i would like about it is the long flights where no one can call me. >> it's so nice.
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they put you up well and you travel first. it's an absolute blessing. but you would think traveling first class would be comfortable and be relaxing. but there's so much to do in first class. >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> there is food, there are games. we took one flight, there's a shower. >> jimmy: really? >> you get on the plane -- you see the whole trajectory of the night. you can get on sober, you have a couple of drinks. you can take a shower with someone. >> jimmy: you wake up, you take a shower. >> the place lacks like a homeless camp. >> jimmy: you took a shower on the plane? i never heard of this before. >> there was a fountain outside. it was great. i was exhausted by the time i got off the plane. i was up all 14 hours. >> jimmy: that's unbelievable. a shower on the plane. the whole star trek movie, i'm most impressed by that. when you get on the plane are people like hey, captain. >> they have no idea who i am. >> jimmy: oh, they don't?
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>> no, no. they're more interested in j.j. >> jimmy: what about in other countries? you get to see -- i know you were in moscow, right? do you get to look around? >> sidney, berlin, london, mexico city, moscow. yeah, moscow was fascinating. we were -- i mean, the city we saw, took a helicopter flight. we saw the whole city. london, we took a tour around. moscow is expensive. it is like -- i had a chicken breast and two scotches and it was $200. >> jimmy: wow. >> that was the most expensive chicken breast of all time. >> jimmy: or you don't understand the currency is exchanged. >> i'm awful at math. they may have screwed me. who knows. >> jimmy: $200? >> 200 bucks. it wasn't a chicken breast and rice. it was a chicken breast. >> jimmy: is it dangerous over there? >> so when we were there, they had a military parade. they were prepping for this huge military.
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there was like tanks. there were missiles. there were troops. they shut down the whole city center. we had our premiere that night. but you can't get around. it's like 1985. it's like people going past the president, that kind of thing. it wasn't a parade -- they prepped for the parade for 15 days. they do the same parade over -- so by the time the parade happens, you've seen the parade. >> jimmy: wow. >> we ended up having to take the subway to the premiere. it's great. >> jimmy: do people recognize you? >> i tell you man, no. on these tours, it's very nice, cush. there's nothing to complain about. they, of course, give you security in case, i don't know, god forbid, someone may want to, you know, abscond with you. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> we're going through the subway. we have six security guards pushing people out of the way. which, you know, is -- basically it's like a big banner for please kidnap the actors.
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please kidnap me. >> jimmy: how important could you be, though, if you're on the subway in the first place? i mean, isn't that -- >> that's a good point. >> jimmy: is the subway modern? i know a guy who has a talk show in moscow and he told me -- i don't remember his name. something russian. but i remember he did tell me, though, i was screwing with somebody on the street. he said, if you did that in moscow, they would kill you. the person would say, you're making fun of me? and kill you. >> i just shot jack ryan over there, doing the shot, going to the shot. there's this kid that's taking a photograph. he's kind of -- it distracted me. i pointed to the security guy that they had, igor, of course his name is igor. >> jimmy: that was my guy's name too, igor. >> igor is built like an oak tree. he's huge. so i nod to igor as i walk into the shot. igor gives me this look like -- so as i walk in, you just see
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igor come up to the kid and he pulls back his jacket and he has a gun. so he goes for the gun, as he goes for the gun, he kicks -- i mean, it's brutal. it's a whole -- i felt awful. awful.ul. >> jimmy: so igor kicked the kid? >> he kicked the kid, picked the kid up. yeah. >> jimmy: wow, that's a tough country. >> i wasn't that mad at the guy. >> jimmy: when you are watching a movie in another country like that, is it strange to see another language coming out of the -- >> it's very weird. again, we went everywhere. the strangest i think was german. >> jimmy: why? >> it's just very -- it's hard core. it's just a very intense language. i would love, if i had the opportunity, i would love to do -- i would love to do my own dubbing. >> jimmy: your own dubbing? do you speak any other languages? >> we live in l.a. so i speak a little un piquito.
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>> jimmy: what did he say, guillermo? what does that mean? >> a little bit. >> jimmy: i'm going to give you that opportunity when we come back. guillermo, i'm going to need you to stand by also. un piquito. >> okay. >> jimmy: very good. chris pine is with us. a new movie called "star trek into darkness" is out now. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] delta touch2o technology for your kitchen and bathroom.
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your boyfriend's second-guessing me every chance that he gets. sorry, that was inappropriate. just sometimes i want to rip the bangs off his head. maybe it's me. >> it's not you. >> it's not? wait, are you guys -- are you guys fighting? >> i'd rather not talk about it -- >> oh my god, what is that even like? ears burning? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's captain kirk. chris pine. your buddy simon pegg was here. and he talked about a terrible
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prank he played on benedict cumberbatch. >> we were all kind of victims of simon's -- >> jimmy: he started the prank? he made it sound like everyone was in on it together. >> not really, no. we shot in the national ignition facility where they're trying to create fusion. they're doing all sorts of incredibly complicated things that i have no idea about. so we went up there and simon convinced me first that we had -- in order to kind of go to set we had to wear this neutron cream. which makes absolutely no sense and any rational-minded person would have thought it was ridiculous. which basically entailed putting on what was actually sunscreen. dots of white globular sunscreen on our face. >> jimmy: to protect you from? >> from neutron. every five minutes or so you had to jump up and down and shake out the neutrinos. first of all, star trek you have the outfits period, which is funny enough.
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then all of us in the outfits jumping up and down trying to shake out the neutrinos. and you have never seen a set coalesce around an idea of humiliating actors as quickly as this. you had grips, you had gaffers, you had all sorts of people. >> jimmy: so then cumberbatch comes in. >> and he's naturally so serious and dignified with the accent and the voice and the whole bit. and he's going up to j.j. saying, i don't know about this one, should i -- and he has these huge globs of new ron cream on his face. and j.j. would come up to us and say, i hate you. >> jimmy: we're going to give you a chance to make your dream come true. guillermo, come here. i need your help on this. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you're probably going to have to do some dubbing yourself. >> do you need that? >> jimmy: guillermo will
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translate this for us. did you do this translation for us, guillermo? >> no, no. >> jimmy: someone else speaks spanish here. did you try to kiss him? >> just to prep. >> jimmy: guillermo is going to play the part of zoe saldana. and chris pine will be playing his own role. we're going to dub this now into espanol. ready? begin. [ speaking spanish. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: "star trek into darkness." chris pine and zoe saldana, everyone. we'll be back with connie britton. >> hello. i'm the fairy godfather. and i'm going to make someone's dream come true by allowing him to drive this beautiful jaguar s-type. for one day. >> who are you? i'm your fairy jag-father. today is your lucky day. come on, let's go. i'll give you the car of your dreams. now i'm going to take you to the place of your dreams. >> where? >> two words. playboy. mansion. >> playboy mansion? >> you're good at this game. all right, come on. andale. you drive, i'm going to do some research. here, put this on. i have a surprise for you, okay? >> okay.
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>> you must be the playmate of the year? >> yes, i am. would you like a tour? >> yes, i would. >> let's do it. >> you are a very good playmate. >> thank you. >> when do i get to meet playmate of the year? >> sorry, my friend. i ran out of time and your dream date is over. okay? see you, sucker. >> for your chance to win a dream drive in the jaguar s-time go to myturnjag.com.
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>> jimmy: our next guest is a three-time emmy nominated actress. you know her from "spin city," "friday night lights." you can see her now as country music queen rayna jaymes on "nashville." its season finale happens here on abc wednesday night at 10:00. please welcome connie britton. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: how is your espanol? is it good? >> my espanol is sucky. >> jimmy: do you speak other languages? >> i used to speak chinese. don't quiz me. >> jimmy: chinese? >> don't quiz me. in college i studied chinese as my major. >> jimmy: wow. >> and i use it every day now. >> jimmy: i bet it comes in handy. >> i can do amazing beijing theatre. >> jimmy: especially on "nashville." that's really got to -- chinese is really -- you can reach into that bag of tricks. >> listen, i use it so much. >> jimmy: that's something else, i would not have guessed that. you sing on "nashville." i watch the show. and you're a very good singer. >> thanks. >> jimmy: and you even have country music hits now because of the show. >> i have albums out, yeah. that is a joke. that is a joke, really.
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i literally -- it is so funny to me that i actually -- you know. i walk around nashville just apologizing to all the amazing country singers. i'm like i'm sorry, guys. you want a place on my album, you can have it. i'm really sorry. >> jimmy: you have a son, right? >> i sing to my son, right. this is my whole deluded idea why i thought i could do this show "nashville." i adopted my son from ethiopia and i sing to him all the time. he cannot hear my say a regular word, it's sort of sad. then this job came along and i thought, i can do that, i am sounding really good. i am seriously, seriously sounding good. so i decided that it would be a great -- great to brush up on my singing in front of a national network television audience. >> jimmy: you need to enjoy that time during which your son likes hearing your sing. because that won't last, first of all. >> it's already over. it's already over.
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>> jimmy: nothing cuts to the heart of a teenager's soul like their mother singing. and he may even consider going back to ethiopia if you keep singing around the house. you have to be really careful. >> i'm already getting those looks from him. he's really already like, it wasn't that bad, it really wasn't that bad. >> jimmy: you bring him to work with you? >> i bring him to work with me. here's the great part. he has to endure my singing. but there's so much music around and he really loves it. you know, when we have a break he comes up onstage. he has -- there's this drum set onstage. we have this band we play with. the drummer from our band literally gave him a music lesson, a drum lesson for 15 minutes. i'm telling you, my child is a prodigy. >> jimmy: oh, you ought to get him a drum -- >> i'm going to, i'm going to get him a drum set, don't you think that's a good idea? >> jimmy: well, um, let me put it this way -- >> i've been told that's a really good idea. >> jimmy: i will frequently purchase drum sets for the children of my friends just to
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be a jerk. and the kids love it. but the -- but it's not necessarily a great thing to have in the house. >> i -- well, i have been told that. >> jimmy: yeah. >> by a number of people. but listen. i'm not going to deny the kid. >> jimmy: yeah, if he wants to drum, let him drum. >> yeah, the guy's got to drum. >> jimmy: a 2-year-old man has to drum. >> a 2-year-old man to drown out his mother's singing. >> jimmy: very interesting that you do not tweet. you're not a tweeter. >> i'm not a tweeter. i don't twit, no. >> jimmy: but there is a twitter account, crockett me if i have this wrong, that personifies your hair. basically, it's your hair tweeting is what it -- >> yeah, my hair has a twitter account. >> jimmy: your hair has a twitter account. >> yeah, it does. my hair tweets. >> jimmy: how does that happen? do you know? >> i have no idea. look at it, guys. look at it. i think it's tweeting right now. >> jimmy: what sorts of things does your hair tweet? >> i don't know because i don't
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tweet. i've never been able to read the tweets. i don't know -- like what would the hair's hash tag -- i don't know any of that but apparently my hair is really, really active. >> jimmy: your hair's really active. by the way i saw the episode last night. and your guys are killing people. i guess i'm not really ruining it because it aired already. >> yeah. you did, you watched our show? >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> nuh-uh. >> jimmy: well, i -- i know people get mad. but i know people get mad if you reveal it. but i don't know, it did happen last night. i don't want to say too much but there were two kind of main people on the show that are no longer on the show anymore. were you glad to see them go? >> i was really glad. super, super, super glad. i'm really invested in it. >> jimmy: and do you think that garbage disposal really did the trick? that's a little insight for people that -- >> i think -- well, yeah. i think so.
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i mean, it's not as good as a wood chiper. >> jimmy: a wood chipper would have been better. >> a wood chipper is always a no-fail sort of thing. but it's network tv. >> jimmy: congratulations to the show being picked up for next season. next wednesday night, 10:00. the show is called "nashville." connie britton, everybody. we'll be right back with dawes. krch [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: their album is called," stories don't end." here is the song "from a window seat," dawes! ♪
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♪ i'm buckling my seat belt plug my headset in a chair and to the music ♪ ♪ i watch flight attendants move they are pointing out the exits ♪ ♪ but it looks more like a prayer or an ancient dance their bloodline reaches through ♪ ♪ these planes are built for sifting through the warriors from the men ♪ ♪ i need time to sit and watch them for a while you can see everywhere they're going ♪ ♪ and everywhere they've been and how they look out at the clouds ♪ ♪ each time they smile and i think maybe he's in town for someone's birthday ♪ ♪ maybe he makes trouble everywhere but as much he resists the conversation ♪ ♪ between the rivers and the
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freeways he knows it's always there ♪ ♪ as the northwest passage sits somewhere below me as i sleep ♪ ♪ i dream of captains and explorers eating boots when i ask if i can join them and they offer one to me ♪ ♪ i wake up as my home comes into view so i reach out down for my notebook ♪ ♪ to see what impressions could be spun but it's just buildings and a million swimming pools ♪ ♪ so i leaf back through the pages to see where i come from ♪ ♪ or for some crumbling map of what it's leading to and i find that ♪ ♪ and i find that the hero in this song that i am writing ♪
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♪ doesn't know he's just an image of myself but as much he resists the conversation ♪ ♪ between the rivers and the freeways he's somehow always asking them for help ♪ ♪ ♪ i want to make out all the signs i've been ignoring how the trees reach for the sky ♪ ♪ or in the length of someone's hair 'cause when you don't know where you are going ♪ ♪ any road will take you

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