tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC May 27, 2013 11:35pm-12:36am PDT
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>> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight jason bateman. from "42," chadwick boseman. and music from alice in chains. with cleto and the cletones. and now, not a moment too soon, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, very nice. thank you for watching. as you've been coming, hey, is anybody worried about these
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north korean missiles? are you worried about it guillermo? >> no, jim. >> jimmy: you know anything about it? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what do you know about it, tell me. >> they want to attack usa but i don't know where is usa. >> jimmy: u.s. and south korean officials today say they're highly confident that north korea will launch a medium-range missile anytime now. which i guess means dennis rodman failed. the missiles are believed to have a range of about 2,000 miles. no one knows for sure, but they could hit targets in japan and south korea for sure, even possibly hawaii and guam, which is bad. and yet why do i feel like this whole thing could be solved by sending kim jong-un a disneyland park hopper pass? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: former vice president dick cheney weighed in at a leadership meeting on capitol hill yesterday. he described kim jong-un as unpredictable and said, quote, we're in deep doo-doo. well now for more on what that
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may mean, we go live to jonathan bines in washington. jonathan, what do you make of what the former vice president said about the doo-doo? >> we know it is deep, but right now there's no consensus on how deep. some in the house believe the doo-doo is so deep it's actually bottomless boom-boom. at the same time, others believe the notion of a nuclear attack is a simple puddle of poo-poo. from washington, i'm jonathan bines. >> jimmy: well, thank you, jonathan. we'll keep monitoring that story and keep our fingers crossed, too. as anyone who's worked in a job that's boring and minimum wage type of deal. you know to get through the day, you have to find creative ways to pass time. this young man who works at a concession stand in a movie theater spent his time developing an extremely complex system for waste disposal. >> so my manager asked me to throw away this milk duds in the trash can here. what he didn't say is how we're going to get [ bleep ] up.
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>> jimmy: disappointing. [ cheers and applause ] he tried to hang himself with a rope made out of twizzlers but fortunately that broke, too. you seem to be having a good time, i don't want to bring the mood down. but today is day 14 of the justin bieber monkey crisis. on march 28, justin bieber attempted to bring his monkey molly into germany but when he got, there the monkey was confiscated and quarantined because justin didn't have the proper monkey paperwork. so for the last two weeks molly the monkey has been held captive in a german animal shelter until
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justin returns to pay his $17,000 fine. now, this is molly in happier times. isn't that cute? when she travels with justin. unfortunately, after two weeks in germany, this is molly now. justin's management has been trying to broker a deal for molly's release but so far they've failed. that's where i come in. i gave germany an ultimatum. that is if they do not release justin bieber's monkey by thursday at midnight, we are going to kill david hasselhoff. and maybe you're wondering, if. we kill david hasselhoff, who's going to drive kit? well, guess what. kit can drive himself, so don't worry about it. so there you go, germans. der ball is in your court. set that monkey free or we off the hof, and we will do it. there is disturbing news. the cookie monster was arrested last weekend. not the real cookie monster. the one that dresses up like him in times square in new york.
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just like we do here in hollywood, there are people in times square who dress up like characters from tv and the movies. and they do it to pose for photos with tourists for tips. now legally, the tips are optional, but they get pretty upset if you don't come up with one. on sunday, a woman handed her 2-year-old to elmo and cookie monster. to take a picture this is a picture right here. but after she took it, she realized she didn't have any money and cookie monster allegedly freaked out. she claimed he shoved her 2-year-old and cursed her out because she didn't give him $2. there's a reason he's called the cookie monster and not the cookie gentleman. the monster whose real name is osvaldo lopez was arrested and charged with endangering the welfare of a child. that's what he looks like on the inside. i have to say frankly, i'm not surprised that cookie monster had an outburst. because i think it was just a few months ago, you see him on that show "intervention"?
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>> he's mentioned her name 12, 13 times a day. >> i'm in the moment and it feels good. i enjoy it. >> it's a disease. he's very unstable. >> he's very angry. very hateful towards us. >> he's deranged. >> [ bleep ]. >> next week on "intervention" a bird that believes he has an imaginary friend. only on a&e. >> jimmy: that's it. they're slowing down their voices. very gentle. those of you in our studio audience know far too well we also have a band of costume characters here in hollywood.
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we even have a cookie monster. we went out on hollywood boulevard today and asked if he had any trouble with customers himself. and here is what cook had to say. >> recently, cookie monster in new york got arrested for pushing a little kid. have you ever gotten in a fight with a pedestrian? >> you know, the cook yao monster tries to practice a policy of nonviolence. i wouldn't call it a fight that i ever had with a child. >> what would you call it? >> an accidental step-on perhaps. or a trip and fall and land on a kid. >> tell us about your worst accidental step-on. >> you know, it happens pretty regularly so it's hard to keep track of which one. but the louder kids are the most fun to accidentally trip on. >> jimmy: that's good to know. [ cheers and applause ] our cookie monster doesn't fight, he tramples. do you remember former congressman anthony weiner? anthony weiner represented new york's ninth contradict until a couple of years ago when he
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accidentally tweeted a photograph of his crotch. i may have mentioned it once or twice on the show. when you're a late-night television host a congressman named weiner tweeting a picture of that -- that's about as close as you get to a miracle. so anyway, after retreating in disgrace for a while, weiner now says he's considering a run for mayor of new york. which would make him an oscar mayor weiner, right? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what's this? oh, hello. oh, thank you. wow. thank you. >> congratulations, jimmy kimmel of the "jimmy kimmel live" program. your recent musings about anthony weiner were indeed hilarious. catching us all off-guard and causing up roar yus laughter to ensue. keep up the ha-has, cheers and
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godspeed. sincerely, her majesty, the queen. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, thank you very much. the queen. from the queen. she got it here fast, too. well, i never felt more beautiful. we're going to take a break. but when we come back, my aunt chippy is prone to fits of rage. when we come back, we're going to drive her into one. jason bateman, chadwick boseman and alice in chains. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] [ female announcer ] degree antiperspirant does more for you, so you can do more. ♪
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>> jimmy: hi, welcome back. jason bateman, chadwick boseman, from "from" and alice in chains are coming up. if you watch our show with any regularity you're probably familiar with my aunt chippy who wears her emotions on her sleeve, by that i mean she screams at people almost constantly. recently, we shot a commercial starring aunt chippy for something called the amazing magical miracle sponge. it's a nonexistent product, but she didn't know that. and my cousin sal and our director brad were there to help drive her nuts. >> what we're going to do is start on the amazing magical miracle sponge. >> amazing magical miracle sponge. that's a tongue twister. >> and when i say action, you say hi, i'm aunt chippy. i'm here to show you the miracle of the amazing magical miracle sponge. >> try the magical miracle amazing magical miracle sponge. [ bleep ]. you got to be kidding me. why don't i just say, try the
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amazing magical miracle sponge! >> can you try it a couple of times, please? >> [ bleep ]. >> big smile, big smile. big, big smile. >> big as it's going to get. i'm showing you the teeth i got. >> it's dropping. >> it's drooping, so's my chin, so's my ass, everything is drooping. >> action. >> hi. it's aunt chippy, everybody. and i'm here to talk to you about the miracle of the amazing miracle -- >> cut, cut. >> it's the miracle of amazing magical miracle sponge. >> the magical amazing magical miracle sponge. >> go again, right away. >> one thing that the client wants is for you to say a-mazing, not uh-mazing. okay? say it together with us. a-mazing. again. a-mazing.
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[ bleep ] a-hole. >> it doesn't matter what i freaking do. you're never, never, satisfied. never. >> we don't even have one take yet. >> we haven't had a take because i'm always doing something wrong. >> right, exactly. thank you. >> that's exactly why. >> don't be so hard on yourself. let just get it right. >> okay, do it again. >> enough with your wiseass remarks. >> all right, you got that out of your system? ready to get going? >> i don't know. >> we have to do this. okay, ready? four words you have to say, that's it. >> [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. and you go along with it. >> what do you think about if you say aunt chippy, you do aunt chippy's voice, she just mouths it. >> that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard. >> okay, ready? >> i'm going to stand here and i'm going to mouth it but you want him to mimic me doing it? >> action.
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hi. i'm aunt chippy, and i'm here to show you the miracle of the a-mading magical miracle sponge. >> is that what i sound like? holy [ bleep ], that's terrible. >> and camera, action. >> this is how easy it is, folks. take the sponge, put it on the glove, put it under the water. >> cut, cut. >> did anybody connect the [ bleep ]ing water? >> did you turn the valve? did you turn it open? >> no, i turned it closed, sal. >> she turned it open. >> it worked a minute ago. okay? >> our fault again. >> only, ready? think you can turn the water on this time? >> yeah, i'm sure i can turn the water on smartass. >> here we go, and action. >> it's so easy.
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glove, the sponge, the water, the [ bleep ] water. where's the [ bleep ] water? don't give me that [ bleep ], sal. it ain't working. >> however you did it the first time. >> i did it, you did it, you do it, he does it, it works. i do it, it don't work. >> sal, try it. show chippy how you do it. >> [ bleep ]. doing the same [ bleep ] thing to me. you going to a wrestling match? >> seems to work. >> open it up and you pour the soap in through the top of the glove and it comes out the bottom so you don't actually -- >> [ bleep ] you don't put your thing down your arm so you get it on the sponge. you put it on the sponge and you're done with it.
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>> a little bit of this down your arm. and what it's doing is it's going into the sponge -- >> wait, wait, cut, cut. make sure there's plenty of soap in there. >> my frickin' arm is filled with this -- with detergent. >> no, i think there needs to be more. and action. scrub it. you have to scrub. >> scrub your ass. [ bleep ]. >> scrub it. >> this is [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. >> and then your line is the amazing miracle sponge. so easy even a woman can use it. >> oh, [ bleep ]. >> what? >> if the client okayed that, you can tell him to stick his sponge and his dishwashing detergent and his glove up his
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proverbial ass. >> i have a solution. i think i've come up with a good idea here. action. >> the amazing miracle sponge, so easy even a woman can use it. ha! yeah, that will be the day. when even a cranky old woman like myself can use it. that will be the day. you're right, sal, you're right. you're right. i don't give a [ bleep ] anymore. both of you. i don't give a [ bleep ] anymore. i'm out of here, i'm getting on a plane, i'm going home. >> come on. >> i love ya. camera, action, good-bye, i'm out of here, piece of [ bleep ]. >> good-bye. >> jimmy: my aunt chippy, hey? tonight on the show, from the new movie "42," he plays jackie robinson, chadwick boseman is here. we have music from alice in chains and jason bateman, so hang out. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: tonight on the program, friday you can see him as jackie robinson in the new movie "42." chadwick boseman is with us. [ cheers and applause ] and the album comes out may 28, it's called "the devil put dinosaurs here," which is true, by the way. alice in chains from the sony outdoor stage. tomorrow night on the show, tom cruise will be here tomorrow. we'll have music from paramour as well. i have to tell you i wish everyone could be here in the studio, the atmosphere is electric, like a geography convention. [ cheers and applause ] geography teachers. like a nation of proud parents, we watched our first guest grow up on-screen both silver and small next month he reprises the role of michael bluth in the much-anticipated return of "arrested development."
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and his new movie "disconnect" opens in theaters friday, please say hello to jason bateman. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? you're very hairy, i noticed. >> does it look real? >> jimmy: yeah, it looks real. >> you can't see any of the netting at all? >> jimmy: not a bit of it. >> we're filming "teen wolf" in 3d and i didn't have time to take it off yet. >> jimmy: start is that right? >> i decided to do the show with it. are you excited? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you do have a lot going on. not only are you obviously acting in these movies, but you have like, two production companies, right? >> no, i don't. >> jimmy: you don't? >> that sounds great.
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i've got one place where they let me go work and then this other place where two jackasses work, me and will arnett where we do digital stuff. no. >> jimmy: that's not an office you go to as well? >> in theory. it's a lot of this stuff on the floor, confetti, ripped up stuff. no, i work at universal studios. they let me sort of go in there and try to think up idiotic stuff to do. so far they haven't kicked me out yet. but it's interesting that i work there because i used to do one of those -- a wee lad i did a show called "silver spoons" and another show called "it's your move." [ cheers and applause ] that was 100 yards from where my, you know, office is. i feel like i'm -- well, i'm 44. i should have a job. >> jimmy: you have come full circle, as they say. >> it is full circle. and the actual bungalow where i work is the bungalow where i did my school work when i was 13, 14 years old.
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so now i'm like an idiot with a desk in there, but without doing math. i'm, you know, rolling calls with an awful looking headset. >> jimmy: you're in your old classroom. >> yeah. it's very humbling. >> jimmy: most people if they go back to school to work they're the janitor. they're mopping the place. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but not you. you're the big shot. >> there is a lot of slop in there. >> jimmy: was it fun to be a kid on the universal studios lot? >> it was actually, yeah. there's a lot of stuff going on there. i don't know if you guys are from out of town, if you're taken that tour there, they've got the jaws lake, they've got stuff that is on fire, there's a whole tram that takes you through it. ricky and i -- >> jimmy: ricky schroeder. >> we got into trouble. >> jimmy: what did you do? >> trouble as a 12-year-old, we had our bikes there. we rode our bikes around quite a bit. we would get tired because we were little guys. so we would actually hold on to the back of the tram and let the tram pull us all around the back lot. that became a problem when we --
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he had one of these big aquariums in his schoolroom where he had, like, these large fish that ate little fish. so what we would do is we would get pulled up to jaws lake, which was only about four feet deep, really. and there was a ton of goldfish in it. we'd go up there with a couple of little plastic bags and we'd roll up our pants legs and we'd go in there and scoop up a bunch of gold fish to feed to his bigger fish. and then, yeah, well, you know, just good, clean fun. you know. sort of -- yeah, i could hear ron howard doing the whistling right now, right? but we got a chastising letter from studio operations sent to our parents saying listen, i don't know if you realize what we're trying to do there. we're trying to scare people. they're supposed to be thinking there's a great white shark about to engorge the entire tram and these two 12-year-olds out there scooping up goldfish. so we were told to stop doing that. >> jimmy: did you stop? >> we did stop. it was a slow stop. >> jimmy: i gotcha.
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>> it was an eventual full cease. >> jimmy: were you mischievous kids in general? >> yeah. there was -- we would -- there were two audiences. there was an audience that would usually consist of all elderly people that would come in at 4:00 for the taping. and then there was another one at 6:30 where there was a younger, hipper crowd. >> jimmy: the geography crowd. >> right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so for some reason, we thought it might be fun to -- i don't know if you have them here, but there's catwalks at the top of these sound stages. >> jimmy: because they're so hot, yeah. >> we would go up there with a stack of rewrites. we thought it might be fun to spit spitwads at the old lady hairdos. oh, that's mean? we did have brass pea shooters. which was a little aggressive. regular straws wasn't good enough. we have brass piping from a hobby shop.
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the perfect thing. we're just looking to mix up the day over there. >> jimmy: they would let you walk around -- >> no, they didn't. we had to run from different people to get up there. and then if you walked a little bit further down the catwalk, you could look down into the wardrobe changing area, which didn't have a ceiling on it. you didn't need that, because there would be nobody above. so we took advantage of that. we just watch erin gray get changed every week. >> jimmy: that's the greatest thing ever. >> ever rin gray, just about the hottest woman of her time. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. you'd watch her get changed? >> we had to supplement our education. you're not getting a lot of sex ed at 12-years-old on the studio. >> jimmy: is she aware of this? >> she is now. she's a big jimmy kimmel watcher. >> jimmy: and you're a big erin gray watcher. i would have been right up there with you. i would have never come down, that's the difference between us. i would still be up in the rafters. >> she was handing out lessons. >> jimmy: when we come back, we want to talk about your new movie. also "arrested development" is coming back. to netflix. jason bateman is here, we'll be
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>> what? girlfriend? ben? >> just a friend. >> type away. >> is this a friend from school? >> guys, come on you're boring your mother and i. >> jimmy: that's "disconnect." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the beard, you need a beard for drama. that way we know that -- >> i was kidding about the "teen wolf 3" joke earlier. i'm on my way to do another drama. i can't do drama without a beard. >> jimmy: you have to have the beard? does it make you feel more serious? >> not for me. but that director wanted one and this next director wanted one. and i guess they feel like they're going to throw the audience off the scent. jason is not going to make you laugh if you see a beard. so this took me about nine months to grow. >> jimmy: did it really? >> yeah. it's sort of an asian thinness, you know? i've got some asian in my family somewhere. this is a full nine months. >> jimmy: for a werewolf it's unbelievable.
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maybe it's just not that time of the night. >> my back is lousy with hair. >> jimmy: do you like doing a serious movie? is that something you enjoy? >> the boring actor answer yes, i like to mix it up a bit. but sort of the part that is -- might be interesting to people is that, you know, you have to cry oftentimes in these dramas. and i don't know if you guys have ever tried to make yourself cry before. you can make yourself laugh. but making yourself cry is like trying to make yourself sneeze. you can't do it. >> jimmy: what do you do? >> you really have to go a bit. i'm not a great actor. i'm not a skilled actor. i'm not a, an educated actor, a trained actor. what i do, jimmy is ethically unsound. i carry my iphone with me at all times anyway. so i take advantage of that. five minutes before i'm supposed to shoot a crying scene i put on a sad song. i'm not going to tell you who does that for me.
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>> jimmy: there's a person assigned to that duty? >> somebody just gets me. but what i do is go ahead and start flicking through shots of my daughters. okay? and that doesn't make me cry. that makes me smile. what i've got to do is start imagining awful things happening to them. it starts with a real -- with a hot kettle on the stove, okay? they're young. and they would probably, like, just start learning what a hot stove is, you know? but if you do like more than two or three takes on a scene, you have to up it. you've got a call louls to, that's not making you sad anymore. the kettle might find its way off the stove. it's awful. by the time -- if somebody is really messing things up with the camera department, you've got to start dismembering the child. >> jimmy: yeah. the rules of acting. >> you got to do it. if you want the kid --
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guys, i'm doing it for you. you're buying tickets for these things you're going to want to see the actor crying and i've got method. so yeah, it's not a fun process. but it is effective. >> jimmy: very different from "arrested development" which is one of the best shows ever. [ cheers and applause ] and very exciting the show is coming back. how many episodes did you make? >> there will be 15 episodes released all on the same day. and it is -- i don't want people -- i want people to manage their expectations. they are great episodes, but what they are not are episodes like it was when it was on that other network. >> jimmy: you can say it. >> it's fine, jimmy. >> jimmy: it's not like that? >> well, what it is is -- we were supposed to do a movie and we still very well might. but every time the show runner tried to put this big story that he wants to do in this movie in a movie script which can only be about 110 pages, it's too big.
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so he thought, i'll put the first act of this three-act story in these episodes. so each character gets their own episode. and all the action happens at the same time. so it can only really work on netflix where they're released on the same day. you can stop my episode, if you see joe run by, stop, click over into this, watch where he's going. because it all happens at the same time. it's all just act one. the movie is going to be act two and act three. so it's like a hybrid -- >> jimmy: i'm going to need a helper. you have to sit with me and watch this. >> the country is going to not really put out a lot of work that day. >> jimmy: a lot of work but it's going to be worth it. "arrested development" coming out on netflix. and "disconnect" in theatres this friday. jason bateman, everybody. we'll be right back with chadwick boseman. [ cheers and applause ] idepressr . but sometimes, i still struggled to get going, even get through the day. so i was honest with my doctor. i told her i'd been feeling stuck for a long time.
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it opens in theaters friday. please welcome chadwick boseman. [ cheers and applause ] wow, this is a big week for you, isn't it? >> it's pretty big, pretty big. >> jimmy: this is the biggest week of your life? >> yeah. kind of, kind of. last week is competing with this one. >> jimmy: last week was a big one too? your family came with you to the show. who's here tonight with you? >> i have two sisters in the audience. i don't know where they are. there they are. >> jimmy: sounds like you have more. my parents are here. my brother is in the back in the green room. they said they wanted to check that out. >> jimmy: do they come with you everywhere they go? are they on the set when you're shooting? >> this is the first time they've been to l.a. and experience this whole thing. but my parents came to the set with my sister, yeah. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> originally from anderson, south carolina.
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>> jimmy: oh, all right. [ cheers and applause ] there can't possibly be 30 people from anderson, south carolina. i see a woman from south dakota clapping her hands over here. >> the whole church bus is out here. >> jimmy: when you play jackie robinson, which is a very al. you'll probably be too young -- i guess you studied up on all this stuff now. you of a to be able to play baseball. are you a baseball player? >> no. no. >> jimmy: did you play little league and that sort of thing? >> i played little league baseball. >> jimmy: when they auditioned you, did they want to see how you play? >> we had a baseball tryout, yes, yes. >> jimmy: did you? >> yes. jackie robinson stadium in ucla. yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: oh, wow. you had it there. >> there's that statue above, which was also kind of haunting because, you know, one of the coaches actually brought me to the mound at the end of the
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practice and they had given me this brooklyn dodgers hat, and i'm practicing, doing the whole workout. i'm thinking it's my hat. right? i think they give me a hat, maybe i have the role, right? at the end of it, he puts his hand on my shoulder and said see that statue up there? could be you. then he takes the hat back. i mean, i'm sweating in the hat. i'm like this is my hat, this is my role. he takes it. i went home devastated thinking i wasn't going to get it. >> jimmy: were you nervous through the whole process? >> no, not exactly. because there was a point where i felt like it was mine. it was destiny. it was just little moments like that where doubt sets in. and you're like i'm not going to get it. >> jimmy: did you train to play like jackie robinson and run and slide like he did? >> absolutely. i was given the hall of fame footage and my coaches were given the hall of fame footage. they would take my practices and they would split screen my
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running style and my batting stance with his. so over a process of months we would slow motion and study it and try to get it like his. so it was a lot of -- >> jimmy: there's, like, no -- there's no job i would rather have than one that requires you to train to play baseball before you can take it. i mean, what could be better than that? >> it's like -- like every young kid's dream. you get to be a professional athlete for a little while. i lived that out. >> jimmy: we have a clip of you in the movie. let's see. let's compare chadwick's style to jackie robinson. [ booing ] >> sain looking in. got that fastball working. what i mean to say is, he can talk a lamb chop past a hungry wolf. it's a hard-hit ball down the third base line. gobbles it up and makes a long toss across the diamond. and robinson is out. >> come on!
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get some glasses! you blew it! >> jimmy: that's pretty remarkable. [ cheers and applause ] wow. that was before instant replay. >> exactly, exactly. >> jimmy: you worked with harrison ford. that's exciting? >> it's amazing, man. >> jimmy: you screened the movie for the president and the first lady as well? >> it was a big week, wasn't it? >> jimmy: yeah. it was. how was that? >> with the president? or harrison ford? which one? >> jimmy: either way. >> it was amazing just to be appreciated on that level because it's almost like in shakespeare's time, the king and queen would appreciate some of the players. >> jimmy: and behead them if they did not perform. >> luckily i'm here tonight. >> jimmy: your head and everything. >> and everything. >> jimmy: when you go and watch a movie at the white house, are
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you allowed -- does mrs. obama allow you to have popcorn or does she substitute celery or something like that? >> i think he overruled her on that. we got to the door and it was almost like this proclamation like there will be popcorn in the white house theatre. you cannot watch a movie without popcorn. that's what he said. >> jimmy: did you get a chance to chat with him afterwards? >> i had two chances to talk to him. there was the first one where everyone, you know, talks to him. all the people from the movie talk to him. but then he came over to me a little later, right when we were about to go into the theatre. and he says, so, what are you doing next. right? and i can't tell you everything he said. but he gave me some good career advice, actually. >> jimmy: that's a pretty good guy to get career advice from, the president. well, congratulations to you. it's an exciting movie. i'm very happy for you. you're a part of it. it's called "42." the jackie robinson story. opens in theatres friday.
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