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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  May 29, 2013 11:35pm-12:36am PDT

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>> dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, tobey maguire -- kerry washington -- and music from will.i.am with cleto and the cletones. and now, what could be better than this? here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. welcome. i'm jimmy, host of the show. thank you very much. thank you for joining me. i don't normally do this, but since you're here, i would like to take a moment to tell you
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about an amazing new investment opportunity. i developed it myself. i'm very excited about it. i'll give you an idea in a nutshell. are you ready? drinkable shampoo. anybody in? as you're hopefully aware, sunday, this sunday is the day on which we celebrate the people we came out of, our moms. [ cheers and applause ] mother's day is on sunday. and then monday is how long do i have to keep this homemade macaroni picture on the refrigerator day? experts estimate that americans will spend between $17 billion and $20 billion on mother's day. the average spending is about $169 per mom. which is the reason nba players need so much money. they have to -- [ laughter ] mother's day is -- it's a good opportunity to take time to reflect on all the things our mothers have done for us and on the things they've done to us as well. my mother, for instance, sent me to my first day of junior high school with a briefcase.
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if her intent was to make sure i maintained my virginity well into college, mission accomplished. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so tonight, to get in the mood for mother's day, we sent a camera out to hollywood boulevard and asked people what was the most embarrassing thing your mother ever did to you? while flowers are nice, nothing shows you care more than calling your mother out on television. >> what's the most embarrassing thing your mom has ever done to you? >> around 14, i had a couple of packs of cigarettes with my buddies. we are at my house. my mom found them because i hid them inside the laundry basket, which was a stupid thing. so to show me just how dumb they were, she had me eat them all in front of my friends and i puked them all up. >> she talks to people. everybody. everybody. no matter who they are. what they look like, what they're doing, she will talk to everybody. and i hate that. >> one thing that she does that annoys me in public is she talks and talks and then what does she do? she does this.
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>> what is that? >> that's age. that is age. >> i am so embarrassed. >> what does she do that embarrasses you guys? >> she talks too much and she dresses like this. >> would you embarrass your daughter for us right now? >> yes, probably. >> big kiss. >> mother's day coming up. >> rock star. >> now what's the most embarrassing thing your mom's ever done to you? >> that. >> happy mother's day. >> give her a kiss. >> no. >> jimmy: you have to use your words, not your hands, kids. there you go. [ cheers and applause ] >> on the flip side of that, i
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would call this cute but that's too mild a word to describe that. this is a family video, the clark family. mom and dad found out they're expecting twins and they wanted to tell their daughters in a creative way. so they wrote the news on a cake. they gave the kids the cake and you really could not ask for a better reaction. >> what's it say? >> you're having twins. >> two babies. >> tell your sister. i don't think she understands. >> we're having a brother and a sister? or just both? >> mommy has two babies in her tummy. >> two babies? >> two babies. are you excited? >> can we eat them?
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>> no, you can't eat the babies. >> no eating babies until you finish your broccoli, young lady. a fetus, not a feed us. a lot of people don't know what to get their moms for mother's day. i'm one of those people. i guess i should find out if she has any money left on the hooter's gift card i got her last year. so to help you and me, we asked a group of mothers to speak today on what they would really like this year. i hope this will be of assistance. >> we don't need flowers on mother's day. >> we don't need chocolate. >> we definitely don't need breakfast in bed. >> what we really need is for you to leave us alone. >> and take your stupid sticky sister with you. >> we need to be able to sit on the toilet without interruption. >> we need you to stop asking us why. >> we don't know why. >> i used to take bubble baths. i used to sleep. >> i used to have abs. >> we need a drink. >> in a bar.
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>> in a shot glass. >> without you and that gross sister of yours. >> we don't need mickey mouse pancakes and sunny d. >> that we bought. >> for once, we need you to feed yourself. >> wipe yourself. >> bathe yourself. >> go [ bleep ] yourself. >> this has been a message from your mom. >> mom! >> paid for by your mom. because we pay for everything. clean it up! >> jimmy: that's very sweet. [ cheers and applause ] south korean president park is in the white house on tuesday to meet with president obama. and for some reason, this is the picture of south korean's largest news organization published of that meeting. they took two different photos and pieced them together. i guess they don't have photoshop in south korea. even manti te'o looked at that and said this is totally fake.
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the news agency apologized for the photo. they called it an error, which kind of made me wonder if this famous photo with president park meeting big foot is fake, too. they do have the same haircut. here's something to look out for if you live in houston. a giant african land name is found there and authorities are worried there could be more. these are the snails. now there's a mother's day gift for you. right? they're eight inches long, they can chew through stucco and they carry potentially deadly meningitis, which i don't know why that person is holding them. but so far the snails have been found in florida, texas, and in the meatballs at ikea. they have no natural predators. in fact, city officials are considering bringing in giant french people to eat them. so if you're in houston and you see a giant snail coming towards you, walk slowly for your life! saunter!
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some big news from the set of "american idol" today. judge randy jackson announced this afternoon that this would be his last season on the show. he's leaving the show, which i don't like that. if randy's gone, how are the contestants going to know when they blow it out the box, dog? randy released a statement that said yo, yo, yo -- that's true. to put all of the speculation to rest, after 12 years of judging on "american idol" i decided to leave after the season. i'm very proud of how we forever changed television and the music industry. you know it's an important announcement when it's preceded by the words yo, yo and yo. randy is the only original judge left on the show, which is surprising. usually in hollywood, the black guy is usually the first one to go. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] we have some fun guests for you tonight. one of them has a new movie out tomorrow called "the great gatsby." i saw it last night. i thought it was great. even though this movie has not been released yet, the buzz is so strong, they're already finishing up the sequel, which
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if you read the book you know that doesn't make a lot of sense. but they found another lead character that i think is every bit as good as leonardo dicaprio. >> don't you see who this guy is? his house, his parties, his fancy clothes. >> i had the uneasy feeling that he was guarding secrets. >> i'm certainly glad to see you again. >> baa! >> i just heard the most shocking thing. >> there's something about a fellow like that. >> you can't repeat the past. [goats yelling ] >> jimmy: just one letter off, really. so far i think goats are the number one animal for 2013.
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we're going to take a break. when we come back, hands down the greatest "harlem shake" video ever. we have "this week in unnecessary censorship." and "celebrities reading insulting tweets about themselves." mean tweets number four. tobey maguire, kerry washington and music from will.i.am. so come back. degree antiperspirant does more for you, so you can do more. ♪ ♪ only degree has motionsense activated by your movement, the more you move the more it protects. ♪ do more. ♪ degree. it won't let you down.
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>> jimmy: welcome back. tobey maguire, kerry washington and will.i.am are on the way. this is pretty good. like most people, i have had enough of "the harlem shake." one of those internet trends
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that was amusing the first 80 times you saw it. but then it curdled. so when it -- i got this today and i almost didn't watch which as you'll see now would have been a terrible mistake. ♪ [ screaming ] ♪ [ screaming ] okay, okay! [ screaming ] [ bleep ], [ bleep ] [ screaming ] [ fire alarm sounding ] >> didn't you test that? fool. [ screaming ] [ fire alarm sounding ]
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>> i can only assume that satan was involved with that somehow. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that might be the action movie of the year, right? we have something special for you tonight. as twitter users know, tweeting is a great way for famous people to connect with their fans. it's also a way for fans to say terrible things to those people without getting punched in the face. when you send an insulting tweet to a celebrity, a lot of times they can read them and it can hurt. so to help put a face on this unsavory activity, we asked some famous people to read some of the harshest things that have been tweeted about them. and this is our fourth edition now of "mean tweets." >> i just saw jessica alba, if this is 2007, i would be really excited. >> kate merritt is on the list
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of people who i don't understand why anyone likes. >> hey, zach braff. i could take a picture of a piece of [ bleep ] in my toilet and it would be a better movie than "garden state." >> i've never seen the fuss with russell brand. he's a hairy, non-funny [ bleep ]. >> i hate [ bleep ] brad paisley and his [ bleep ] face. >> kelly ripa is kind of amazing when you think about how hard it must be to balance that huge head on a tiny body. >> whenever someone tells me that i look like andy samberg they're basically saying, guess how big your nose is. very big. >> dear no doubt, the only thing in doubt is whether your music makes me want to puke our kill myself and then puke. sincerely, everyone. >> i can't figure out if elizabeth moss is attractive or not. does this help you figure it out?
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>> i already know when i get pregnant i'm going to pull a jessica simpson and gain 598 pounds. >> kid rock looks like he would smell like stale farts and cigarettes. more like fresh farts and cigars. >> bitch, how you look anorexic and fat all at once, hash tag weird. >> it's a good thing ray romano is funny because his face looks like a dump. that's cold. i'm not on twitter so i can't respond to golfguy 127. here's what you should do. go to my website and join. go to the bottom of the page, hit agree, agree, agree. and then when you get to [ bleep ] you, hit accept. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: everybody loves raymond except golfguy 127. thursday night, it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not.
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"this week in unnecessary censorship." >> it's becoming a trend. girls [ bleep ] on camera and sometimes being cheered on by adults. >> she's a really confident guy or a man with absolutely no [ bleep ] whatsoever. >> one security officer accidently [ bleep ] himself in the courthouse locker room. >> i'm telling you, the [ bleep ] it goes on, the harder it gets. >> a study that finds if you suck your child's [ bleep ] you may actually be helping your kids. >> you saw him? >> i saw him, i know where he [ bleep ]. >> she [ bleep ] in front of you? >> oh, yeah, it makes sense if you saw her. >> some stars [ bleep ] in the daytime. jeanne cooper is one of them. >> i'm spending every day [ bleep ] in the senate. >> isn't this great? >> just you and me together for hours and hours and hours? and then the sun will come up and it will be tomorrow and we'll still be [ bleep ]. it will be just like a sleep over. only we'll be sweaty and covered with [ bleep ].
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>> wow. that is a first. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the show, tobey maguire will be here with me, will.i.am, so stay right there. [ cheers and applause ] [ male announcer ] at subway, get the subs you love at a price you'll love too.
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>> jimmy: welcome back. tonight on the program, a very talented and charming woman you know from "scandal" here on abc. starting tomorrow you can see her in the new movie "peeples." kerry washington is here. [ cheers and applause ] and then with music from his new cd called "will power," will.i.am from the sony stage. we've got a good line up for you next week. from "star trek into darkness," chris pine, alice eve, and director j.j. abrams will be here. as will adam levine, connie britton, the first openly gay athlete ever to play a major american sport -- jason collins will be here with his twin brother jarron. [ cheers and applause ] and we'll have music from bad rabbits, dawes, and huey lewis
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and the news. i might have to break out my bass clarinet for that one. [ cheers and applause ] that's how i get the ladies. our first guest is an exceptionally gifted actor whom you know from many excellent films. his latest is the film adaptation of a literary classic with a soundtrack by jay-z mixed in. one of f. scott fitzgerald's favorite ropers. "the great gatsby" opens in theaters tomorrow. please welcome tobey maguire. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how you doing? good to see you >> good to see you. >> jimmy: everything all right? >> everything's going all right, thank you. >> jimmy: the family is good? >> family is great, yeah. they're wonderful. >> jimmy: i hate to jump right into a subject, but i have a great picture.
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i have to ask you about it. this is a photograph of what appears to be you in the middle. >> yep, yep. >> jimmy: who else is in this picture? >> well, don cheadle, potus, me and george clooney there. me, george clooney and potus were three guys on a team there playing basketball against team cheadle. >> jimmy: against team cheadle? how did this happen? >> everybody doesn't play basketball with the president? >> jimmy: not as far as i know. no. >> so it was the night before i was sitting next to george clooney at an event and the president was there. and george clooney actually was up and came and sat down next to me and said the president just asked me to put a basketball game together for tomorrow morning at 6:00 in the morning. >> jimmy: wow. >> he was kind of saying it like excited and bummed at the same time. i mean, it was 6:00 in the morning. and i was trying to figure out
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if he was opening up an invitation to me or asking my opinion. and first of all, i wanted -- >> jimmy: bragging? could have been? >> maybe a little bit of all of it. but i wanted to be clear. firstly i said look, that's a no brainer, you have to set up the game. we got that squared away. and then i was hinting enough to where he finally invited me to come play with them. which i was very excited about but immediately got nervous. firstly, i thought, well, i don't want to hurt the president, right? >> jimmy: right. go to guantanamo bay. >> yeah, yeah. >> so that was one of the thoughts. but also i went, you know, i'm a little nervous. i'm getting some performance anxiety. i want to play well, and if you get nervous playing basketball, you know, you could do something silly and miss a lay-up and get embarrassed. and, you know, -- >> jimmy: then everyone starts calling you spider-man. >> all of it, right. it started getting in my head.
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anyway, cut to driving on the way to the game at, like, 5:00 in the morning, which i was tired and had to struggle to do that. but i show up and i got an inner monologue going telling myself, you know what, you're going to show the president that you've come to play ball. literally and, you know, metaphorically. so i end up getting on the team with george clooney and the president and i will say that somewhere along the way, i was pretty -- i had a good game. we played three games and i play well. the president started -- he nicknamed me the beast. >> jimmy: nice. wow, the beast. that's a good name. [ cheers and applause ] >> i liked it. and by the end of the three games, of which we won two out of three, just to be clear, team cheadle. he named me the mvp of our team. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> now i don't know -- thank you. [ cheers and applause ]
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i don't know if he just saw that i was the type that needed encouragement or if he actually thought i was mvp. and i also want to say that he was a great leader of our team. >> jimmy: he was? >> he was. he communicated very well. >> jimmy: did he pass? >> and he was very encouraging. he passed. but i tell you what, we were struggling in the third game, i was exhausted, by the way. just like leaning over, grabbing my knees, looking up at everybody who was a little older than me and just thinking, these guys are fine. what's going on here? >> jimmy: that's how the beast goes, though. >> i was working hard, that's right. but in the third game, we were down and the president stepped up, clutch player, and won the game for us. >> jimmy: wow. >> that's true. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and nobody is letting him win because he's the president? >> no, people were playing ball. >> jimmy: were people defending him fiercely?
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was don cheadle on him? who was on him? >> they were kind of rotating, but they were defending him legitimately. i mean, nobody was being sloppy. >> jimmy: was there a situation where the captains pick the teams? how did the teams get picked? >> i don't remember how it was. >> jimmy: or was it by box office receipts? that you and george were selected to -- >> i think cheadle might eclipse me. >> jimmy: you're all up there, this is a pretty high-level game. what about -- now stacey was at the game, she didn't play, did she? >> no, no girls allowed. that's typical. i'm kidding. >> jimmy: no, you're not kidding. it's a man's game of basketball. sorry, ladies, you're not invited. all right, it's mother's day, you can play. it's not really going to be an issue. when we come back, i want to talk about this movie. i saw it last night. i thought it was just great. it's unlike anything i've ever seen before.
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it's called "the great gatsby." tobey mcguire is here. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] we're here at nashville's renowned jimmy kelly's steakhouse, where tonight we've switched their steaks with walmart's choice premium steak. it's a steakover. it's tender. good flavor. it just melts in your mouth. mine's perfect -- man! we're actually eating walmart steaks. are you serious? fantastic! that was a good cut of meat. [ earl ] these are perfectly aged for flavor and tenderness. i would definitely go to walmart to buy steaks. walmart choice premium steak in the black package. it's 100% satisfaction guaranteed. try it.
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is that you, my lovely? >> daisy buchanan, the golden girl. breathless warmth flowed from her. the promise that there was no one else in the world she so wanted to see. >> do they miss me in chicago? >> oh, yes. at least a dozen people send their love. >> how gorgeous. >> they're absolutely in mourning. they're crying. they're wailing. >> i don't believe you. >> they're shouting, daisy buchanan, we can't live without you! >> i'm paralyzed with happiness. >> whoa! >> that is tobey maguire in "the great gatsby." just a beautiful movie. dare i say enchanting. it really is an incredible thing to watch. i will admit, there's one part of the movie, you're in new york city and it looks just
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beautiful. you wander out on to the balcony and for a couple seconds i thought you were going to shoot some webs on to the building and swing through. i think you guys really missed on that one. that would have been a nice moment. >> we shot that. >> jimmy: you did? >> we cut it out, though. >> jimmy: i know it's not faithful to the novel itself. >> just too far afield. >> jimmy: what was the first job you got paid for as an actor? >> the first, like, big gig i had, professional gig was something called "tales from the whoop, hot rod brown class clown." >> jimmy: tales from the whoop" starring whoopi goldberg. >> that's right. >> jimmy: as the whoop. >> she was the whoop. >> jimmy: did you know whoopi at the time? >> i did not know whoopi. i just auditioned for the job. i was 13 or 14, and i had done, you know, some student films. i actually did a commercial or two. one day or two-day gigs.
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this was my first title role. hot rod brown class clown. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> i shared it. tales from the whoop, hot rod brown class clown. but i auditioned for this gig and the director, the director -- it was down to me and some other kid who was on a tv show, so he was a seasoned young actor. and i was in sort of my final audition. and i could tell the director liked me. he said look, i really like you, but it seems like the consensus is to go the other way. and i'd like to hire you but it would really be taking a chance, you know? and so i was walking out the door and i stopped in the doorway and i turned around and i looked at him and i said you know what, sometimes in life it's good to take a chance. and then i walked out. and i got so excited like, hey, i think i just got myself that job. >> jimmy: and you did. >> and i did. [ cheers and applause ]
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by the time i got home i got a phone call from my agent who was like a kid's agent. and she would ring a bell when you would get a job. so i got on the phone with her and she started ringing the bell and i got very excited. >> jimmy: that probably seemed like a great thing 20 years ago. now 20 years later, you're here on the talk show and we happen to have a found a clip of that particular -- >> don't you need my sign off? >> jimmy: no, no, we don't, actually, we just run it. >> oh, boy. >> did i touch herman's test? >> a c-minus? >> a c-minus? that's cool. so cool. we got to go celebrate. >> i'd love to but i just got reassigned. i'm over at the white house. >> you're leaving? you can't, we've got work to do. >> i've got to go. but i'll come check on you from time to time. looks like i'll be down on earth for a while. ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> bye, whoopi. bye, whoop. >> jimmy: does she indeed check on you from time to time? >> whoop, where are you? she's doing all right. >> jimmy: congratulations on the movie, it really came out terrific. "the great gatsby." tobey maguire. be right back with kerry washington! [ cheers and applause ] applebee's new fresh flavors menu includes our new blackened sirloin & garlicky green beans... for which we only use fresh, in-season green beans.
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we harvest them when they're tasty, crisp, and full of "you'll be back" flavor... [ male announcer ] carl, seriously, we got it. ok, now how about that steak? well technically it's a sirloin... [ male announcer ] alright, let's see it! oh yeah. there it is. the new blackened sirloin & garlicky green beans. taste buds, meet our new summer fling. the new fresh flavors now in-season menu. starting at just $9.99. applebee's. see you tomorrow. and late night for half-priced apps. for aveeno® positively radiant face moisturizer. [ female announcer ] aveeno® with soy helps reduce the look of brown spots in 4 weeks. for healthy radiant skin. aveeno®. naturally beautiful results. since aflac is helping with his expenses while he can't work, he can focus on his recovery. he doesn't have to worry so much about his mortgage, groceries, or even gas bills. kick! kick... feel it! feel it! feel it! nice work! ♪ you got it! you got it! yes! aflac's gonna help take care of his expenses.
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>> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back. will.i.am is still to come. our next guest is on an enormous roll she helped unchain django. she has a big hit tv show, and her new comedy "peeples" opens
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in theaters tomorrow. from "scandal" which you can see thursday night on abc, please say hello to kerry washington. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look fantastic. >> thanks, jimmy. >> jimmy: thanks for coming. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: it's my pleasure. >> you look very nice. >> jimmy: i'm wearing a suit tonight. for a change. >> i like it. better than pajamas. >> jimmy: i've seen you in pajamas. >> i've seen you in pajamas. >> jimmy: oh, that's right. you've seen me in pajamas. you were naked, right? >> shh! >> jimmy: this movie is advertised as tyler perry's "the peeples." did he direct this? >> no, he has so much power now in this business. he's shining a light on new filmmakers. it's written and directed by a woman, tina gordon chism.
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she's super funny and great. but he's the producer. it's a tyler perry presents production. so he was our fairy godfather. he paid for everything. the film was sort of this script that was floating around that i was attached to. then tyler came along and made it happen. >> jimmy: i'm glad you mentioned that. because i just optioned a television project called whoop it up that i would love to get -- maybe it's something we could work on together. >> tyler could make it happen. he would come into town and make things look better. and you would have a bigger trailer and funnier lines and then he would go away. >> jimmy: your co-stars are two of my favorite guys. craig robinson from "the office," david allen greer. [ cheers and applause ] >> two amazing guys. >> jimmy: i will say that craig robinson is your boyfriend. does not seem that realistic to me. >> he is super loveable. i adore him in a teddy bear smushy kind of --
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>> jimmy: exactly. no one has sex with a teddy bear. >> grace peeples does, my character grace might have sex with him. >> jimmy: he's not technically a teddy bear. and jason allen greer plays your dad. that's kind of weird to me. he's a friend of mine. >> he's older than he looks. he kept saying to people he had done the super actorly thing and put on weight for the role and dyed his hair gray. none of that is true. that's just david. >> jimmy: he washed the gray cover out of his hair. >> no, but he does sort of age himself in the film. >> jimmy: "scandal" now is becoming a huge phenomenon. like, i think over the last eight months. >> we have the best fans on the planet. >> jimmy: what are your fans -- >> they call themselves -- we call ourselves gladiators. >> jimmy: you're a fan of your own show? >> i am. of all the other actors on my show. >> jimmy: you're gladiators in suits. >> we are.
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we are. that's something the fans came up with very early on. it just kind of stuck because it's, you know, we didn't even know if we were going to have a second season. but because we have gladiators, we now have a hit show. >> jimmy: when did you realize that the show was becoming a big hit? >> jimmy: when people started really kind of attacking me in public. like a woman told me she wouldn't let me on a plane if i didn't promise i wouldn't cheat on the president. >> jimmy: oh, i see. >> or like i have celebrities that call themselves gladiators. diane von furstenberg, magic johnson. >> jimmy: magic johnson? >> it's neat. >> jimmy: you had a big day at dodger stadium. magic is one of the owners of the team. >> our cast and crew is really close. we're like a family. and we wanted, like any family, have a day at the ballpark, but we were having a hard time getting tickets for all of us to sit together. so i called magic johnson. >> jimmy: nice.
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>> and found out he and his wife cookie are huge fans of the show. they are gladiators for sure. so he hooked it up. next thing i knew, it was a complete "scandal" takeover. our first lady was singing the national anthem. katie lowe sang "god bless america." guillermo diaz threw out the first pitch. i announced the players. >> jimmy: i have a clip of that. >> you do? >> jimmy: you really gave it an extra something. let's show that clip here. >> batting sixth. at third base, number 5, juan uribe! >> jimmy: you're not kidding around. that's serious. [ cheers and applause ] some of the dodgers have hard names to pronounce. >> i studied. there's a lot of latin names and korean names. i wanted everyone to feel respected. >> jimmy: do people confuse you with your character on "scandal"? >> yeah. i mean, it's gotten a little weird. like friends will ask me to solve their personal crises all the time now. and i'll say i'm not a writer on
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the show. i don't know how to do this. it's really weird. >> jimmy: you brought along a video? >> i did not think you would believe me, so i was at a baby shower this weekend. and i brought cameras into the shower, because i wanted to show you. >> jimmy: at the baby shower? >> yep. >> jimmy: okay, let's take a look. >> hi. >> thank you for being here. you didn't need to come. >> i would not miss your baby shower. >> you must be too busy for your show. >> never too busy for friends. >> oh, thanks. >> "scandal" is so great, by the way. >> such a good show. >> kerry, i'm a liar. >> hm? >> what? >> i lie to my children. it's a scandal. >> i lie, too. >> me, too. >> me, too. >> all the time. >> why are you guys telling me this? >> when my son wants a new toy, i tell him i forgot my money. >> i told my son santa canceled baseball forever so i wouldn't have to sit through his stupid little league games.
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>> i post other kids on facebook because mine are so ugly. >> help us olivia. >> i'm not olivia. >> you are olivia. and you have to help us cover up these mom scandals. >> mom scandals. >> once i drove away and left my 2-year-old in a ball pit at mcdonald's for four hours. it wasn't an accident. >> you shouldn't tell people that. >> on mommy movie mondays i get high in the parking lot. >> i spent the tooth fairy money on canadian vicodin. >> not legal. make sure there's no paper trail. next. >> sometimes i swear at my kids. >> i do that. >> so do i. >> i do too. she's not even born. >> what kind of swears? >> [ bleep ]. >> [ bleep ]. >> [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. >> ladies, ladies! me, kerry, i'm going to go. >> wait! i had sex with my daughter's coach. >> i pay the u.p.s. guy to wash
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me. >> i'm not olivia! >> i'm wearing a strap-on right now. it's huge! >> yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i can see that would be a tough one there. it's great to see you. congratulations on all your success. the season finale "scandal" is next thursday night. 10:00 on abc. and "peeples" opens in theatres tomorrow. kerry washington, everyone. we'll be right back with will.i.am. [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm jimmy kimmel, with vacation season almost here, hilton would like you to make leisure a priority this summer so this doesn't happen to you. >> this location is terrible. >> i know. this beach is very bad. >> yes, it is. >> do you want some sand? >> no.
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i don't feel like it. >> hey! >> hilton! >> looks like you are suffering from vacationitis. >> vacationitis? >> vacationitis. you need to get to the hillton urgent vacation care center before your condition gets any worse. >> oh, yeah. you smell good. you give me cpr? ♪ >> this is a real vacation. >> yeah, this is much better beach. oh, thank you. >> cheers? >> cheers. >> yeah, you want to go for a swim? >> yeah, why not? >> yeah! >> yeah, it's good.
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>> thank you hilton, you cured by vacationitis. >> help stop vacationitis before it spreads. visit vacation care center.hilton.com to get the customized vacation diagnosis and prescription.
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this is his album called willpower. here with the song "that power," will.i.am! ♪ ♪ oh! i'm alive i'm alive i'm alive ♪ ♪ and oh i can fly i can fly i can fly ♪ ♪ and oh i'm alive i'm alive i'm alive ♪
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♪ and i'm loving every second, minute, hour bigger, better stronger, power ♪ ♪ i got that power ♪ i got that power ♪ i got that power, power, power, power ♪ ♪ they call me will.a stay so cool i'm chilli i done made that maley ♪ ♪ on my way to that valet used to have a ticket thing but now i got that bigger bank ♪ ♪ who, who cares what the haters state they hate on me 'cause we doing what they can't ♪ ♪ i stay on that hustle i flex that mental muscle hate to bust your bubble i'm on that other level ♪ ♪ imma take it higher and high and high and higher i stay and buy attire ♪ ♪ keeping burning like that fire oh i'm alive i'm alive i'm alive ♪

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