>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- martin short, leah remini, and music from zac brown band with cleto and the cletones. and now, no doubt about it, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome. very nice. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. it is great to have you here. hey, who is ready to blast their abs like they've never been

blasted before? [ cheers and applause ] i tell you it was an historic day in the world of sports. in the new issue of "sports illustrated," washington wizard ns became the first active athlete from a major american sport to come out of the closet today. [ cheers and applause ] he wrote an article in "sports illustrated." he said i'm 34 year old nba center, i'm black, and i'm gay. which is funny. that's exactly what i plan to put on my tombstone. [ laughter ] but this is -- it's a big deal. for those who don't follow sports in the culture of an nba locker room, this is a like a contestant on "project runway" coming out as straight. [ laughter ] and he said i've endured years of misery and gone to enormous lengths to live a lie. he did a good job of lying. most people were fooled. although i will admit, i did get

suspicious when i heard he only had two illegitimate kids. very low for the nba. [ laughter ] good for him. that's courageous. this is a great first step. i look forward to the day when all nba players can come out as gay whether they are or not. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] meanwhile in the nfl, the new york jets cut quarterback tim tebow this morning. coach rex ryan said things did not work out the way we had hoped and they traded him to herman sporting goods store for a two-pack of talcum powder and a whis tell. this is a little strange. tebow went on twitter this morning and blamed jesus for being cut. he said it's a two way street, pal. he leaves the jets with one notable statistic. he didn't have a great season but he set the single season record for least sex by a new york quarterback. he made his mark. [ laughter ] [ applause ] one of my favorite athletes, mike tyson is making the rounds.

he had an interview with howard stern this morning. my favorite part is when he talked about the west vile nirus instead of the west nile virus. and then he was on fox and friends where the host got a thought on the famous brawl with lennox lewis' entourage in 2002. >> let's look at a press conference when you were in a black outfit. >> that was my camera. >> look at this guy, ooh, he pushed me. boom. i messed him up. that was a good shhe tried to g oh, god. it was just chaos. >> what do you remember from that? >> i should have been tased that day. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that year, maybe. very honest. i think the face tattoo has mellowed him out. good news for travellers on friday, congress rushed a bill through to allow the faa to bring air traffic controllers back as part of a mandatory

government spending cut the faa was forced to cut hours for air traffic controllers which caused massive flight delays. as of last night the air traffic controllers were back just on time for congress to go on vacation this week. amazing what they can accomplish when an issue affects them directly. [ cheers and applause ] the legislation, this is true, was held up because the letter "s" was missing from one of the words in the bill. the missing "s" was ds covered sunday, the senate was planning to fix it on tuesday. only three days to fix it. it was in the title of the bill. you can see why they had to fix that. [ laughter ] here's -- not a big story but it caught my attention. a woman from little rock, arkansas, has been having plumbing problems. she claims her landlord refuses to fix her toilet. as they say, drastic times call for drastic measures.

>> that's nasty. >> diane says that the toilet in her rental house has been backing up not over the rim but into the bathtub and even the bathroom kink and kitchen sink. she's been going to the bathroom outside in the five gallon bucket. >> why doesn't somebody come down the highway and seen my butt, that wouldn't look good. they would be calling the sheriff on me claiming indecent disposal. >> jimmy: my favorite demi moore movie. technically she had that wrong but in a way, technically she also had it right. check her out on her new a & e reality show, "bucket poopers jooft." that would be a hit, right? ellen john has revealed that the godmother of his new son elijah is lady gaga. elton and his husband david decided if anything should happen to us, we want baby

elijah to live in an egg with her. she is godmother to their first son, zachary. the kid actually requested her by name. [ cheers and applause ] by the way, i want to give credit where credit is due. unlike a lot of celebrities, elton john named his kids zachary and elijah. normal names. it's not astro boy and dune buggy. zachary and elijah. i think that shows a lot of restraint. speaking of babies. there is a new internet trend that believe it or not, it's not annoying, it's called baby mugging. have you seen baby mugging? you hold a coffee mug in between your camera and your baby to make it look like your kid is in the mug. like that. here's another one. this is -- you tell the kid is from boston because the mug and he looks like he wants to punch his father in the mouth. if you feel fancy, you can also put your baby in a teacup.

this is good. this is a side view of baby mugging. he has his own spoon to stir himself. and if you are adventurous you can mug your baby head first. isn't that fun? [ cheers and applause ] i have been working on my own version it's called baby stuffing. you're not actually -- it's like baby mugging but instead of a mug you use a turkey and instead of a baby we used guillermo here. like a reverse pinata. once i get that going, i have another idea called shortchanging. where you try to get a picture of martin short changing. see if we can get one. we have a camera outside of martin's dressing room here. we're just very quiet. perhaps we can -- >> no! oh, my goodness. invasion of privacy! go!

get going. oh, oh! [ laughter ] >> we got it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: if you see martin short, try to get his pants off him. here's a disturbing bit of progress, microsoft is allowing pizza hut to create an app to allow video gamers to order pizza directly from their xbox. used to be hardcore gamers had to yell upstairs for their mom to make them a sandwich. not anymore thanks to the create your pizza app, place an order using your game controller, hand gestures if you have one of those, or voice commands. please no one tell michelle obama about this. x-box will not stop until humans and couches become one. you know, when i was a kid, i tried to order pizza from my atari and it was a disaster.

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when when come back, we are going to investigate a crime. on friday just outside our theater on hollywood boulevard, a man stole a bag containing $6,000 in cash. no suspects have been named, all we know is the thief was he was dressed as spider-man. that's right. the criminal spider-man. so tonight we've rounded up all the spider-men in the neighborhood and i'm going to get to the bottom of this. martin short, music from the zac brown band. don't move, ever. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] hey, buddy. his name is frank. call animal control. google, call window repair. how to unglue superglue?

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>> jimmy: welcome back. mr. taken short, leah remini and zach brown band are here getting warmed up backstage. but before we get to that i have important local business to take care of. on friday morning outside our theater, a crime of superhuman proportions was committed. here's the local nbc news with the story. >> the crime occurred just before 9:00 yesterday morning. an 89-year-old man who works for starline tour bus left the company's hollywood office carrying $6,000 in cash and credit card receipts. police say a man dressed as spider-man ripped the bag out of the hands of the elderly man and took off running. one by one, police cuffed and questioned several men dressed in the same superhero costume but the roundup ended with no arrests. the suspect has not been caught. >> has anyone checked his aunt's house? he hangs out there a lot. police are hoping that the public can help solve the crime. they've released the sketch of the suspect. if you see this man, please call

your authorities. [ cheers and applause ] and it's a funny story but for our friends at starline tours this is no joke. these tour operators work very hard driving people from out of town around to see a bunch of tall closed gates outside houses where celebrities haven't actually lived for 40, 50 years. but the police are involved. i brought a few of our friendly neighborhood spider-men in for questioning. hello, guys. >> hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: how are you doing? first of all, what are your names? >> spider-man. >> spider-man one. >> arachnoid. >> jimmy: before we go any further, is there anything you would like to confess? do you have involvement in the crime? >> i was sitting down. >> i saw it happen. >> jimmy: you did see it happen? tell us what happened. >> i saw this new guy come out in a new spider-man costume. he bought the cheap one at the hollywood costume place. >> jimmy: he did? >> yeah. they probably have him on tape there. he came out here, put on that

costume just to do this job. i saw him hanging out there watching. he wasn't trying to make any money. he was a fat little spider-man. >> jimmy: he was fat? >> yeah, a fat spider-man trying to come out here and make money. i'm like come on, i'm going to be captain america from now on. >> jimmy: you're thinking about changing characters because of this? >> i was captain america. i gave up on spider-man two weeks ago. >> tooing crazy spider-men. >> jimmy: yes, i agree. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: now, this fat spider-man, we have a photograph here of a spider-man. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i don't know if this is the guy. was he wearing sneakers? >> no, he was wearing gray shoes and gray gloves. >> jimmy: this spider-man was bit by a radioactive gordita. i think. okay. so one of you guys did see it happen. you don't know, there's no word on the street.

this is not one of the regular characters down there? >> no, it was not. >> jimmy: okay. have any of you ever been arrested? >> no, i have not. >> hell yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: arachnoid, what were you arrested for? >> everything. >> jimmy: if you see the criminal spider-man will you help to capture him? >> i saw him running with the bag of money. but -- >> jimmy: you didn't do anything? >> i'm not the real spider-man, i'm a fake. >> i'm real. i'm number one. >> jimmy: now, we heard from some of the other heroes on the boulevard. i believe captain america, wonder woman, some of the other characters said they would be looking out for this criminal spider-man and they would attempt to catch him. that was their mission. >> yes, i think so. but he's not going to come back out here again. he put on the costume just to pull the job. >> jimmy: interesting, you seem to know an awful lot about this spider-m spider-man, spider-man. do you feel like this is some kind of spider-man racial profiling?

you got handcuffed, true? >> that's true. they knew it was an inside job. how do by we know some man's going to come out with $60,000 in a paper bag? >> jimmy: well, it was $6,000. we know you're innocent, i guess. as i mentioned some of the other heroes said they were prepared to catch spider-man. and so what we've done is we did an experiment. i wanted to see if any of them would do anything if they saw him. so we hired a guy to dress up like spider-man and run down hollywood boulevard with two sacks of cash just to see how our makeshift justice league would react. they've been talking a lot to the news about all the things they would do if they spot this guy. here's how this went. let's see. all right. that's our spider-man. we marked the money with dollar signs like in the cartoons. as he runs by chewbacca. elmo.

the incredibles guys. spongebob. darth vader. a storm trooper just looks on. he's a bad guy. that makes sense. supergirl does nothing. supergirl two does nothing. he continues running down the street. not a soul stops him. and look, the guy from starline tours now goes after him and suddenly, spider-man is on the run. [ cheers and applause ] he's not giving up either. oh, now mr. incredible gets involved. and there's trouble. and he's sodomized by spongebob. wow. there you go. the unlikeliest of heroes. [ cheers and applause ] we have a good show tonight. leah remini is here. we have music from zac brown

band and right back with martin short. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] [ male announcer ] try the new subway $4 lunch. tons of 6 inch subs and 21 ounce drinks to choose from, just $4. all day, every day. ♪ subs made just the way i say hurry in today for the amazing new subway $4 lunch.

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>> jimmy: hello, there. tonight on the program -- her new show is called "family tools." it premieres wednesday here on abc. leah remini is here. and then, this is their album, "uncaged." zac brown band from the sony outdoor stage. zac brown's southern ground music and food festival is coming to nashville on september 27th and 28th. tomorrow night, jon favreau will be here, gabourey sidibe will be with us and we'll have music from band of horses. and later this week, robert downey jr., who i'm told now may not come. we'll see. pierce brosnan, greta gerwig, our friend science bob pflugfelder and we'll have music from alice russell and the airborne toxic event. our first guest is -- and i think he would agree with this statement -- one of the funniest people alive. you know him from his work. please welcome martin short. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: how you doing? >> i'm very good. >> jimmy: everything all right? >> very good. how are you, jimmy? >> jimmy: very good. >> or as they call you on nbc the other jimmy. >> jimmy: is what they call me? >> of course. and i can't believe -- >> jimmy: it's better than the fat jimmy. >> no, no, no, no you're great. i was looking at the monologue and thinking you are corseted during the monologue. are you corseted now? >> jimmy: no. corsets are for old people, i use spanx. it's an entirely different thing. >> you are such a pro. i was watching you. the height of professionalism. you come out here. you're funny. you're free. and you know, just five minutes before he came out he found out

that leno is coming to abc and -- >> jimmy: what? >> oh, my goodness. you didn't hear? look, 12:30 is going to be lots of fun. >> jimmy: where do you stand on that? you are happy to see jay leno go. true? >> not true at all, i love jay. >> jimmy: you do? >> yes. >> jimmy: why don't i believe that? would you be willing to submit to a polygraph test. >> absolutely, do you have one on you? >> jimmy: no, but we'll get one. >> what is your beef with jay leno. >> jimmy: what's your beef? that's his thing, not my thing. i don't have a beef. >> you don't? >> jimmy: no, no. never anything but wonderful times together. >> you guys first of all you are all so rich. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but i would say of all the people i have a fake show business relationship with, i feel -- i feel fake closeness to you. >> jimmy: you do, really? that's nice. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that makes me happy. >> this is a very brave man, you know. when everyone is going, you know, coming out for gay marriage he stands with the pope and says too soon.

i think that's fantastic. >> jimmy: i always stand with the pope. you have to stand with the pope. he's the pope. >> i was at the papal inaugural. >> jimmy: you were? >> yes, i was. >> jimmy: you were? >> it was great. but you should have seen the "vanity fair" party afterwards. >> jimmy: really? i was not invited to that. >> no, it was good. >> jimmy: you like the new pope? >> i love the new pope. >> jimmy: what do you like about him? >> well, i think -- first of all, he's argentinian. he's a celibate who loves to tango. it's true, it's true. apparently, it takes one to tango. >> jimmy: it's really different. >> i think he's a man of the people. he says he will not wear fur on his cape. it's true. >> jimmy: no fur on the cape. >> he will not wear fur on the cape unless he has lady gaga tickets. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: you by the way, we do have something in common. we share a keyboard player.

jeff babco. >> the fabulous jeff babco. >> jimmy: he tours with you. >> we were just in detroit in the opera house. >> jimmy: what can people see when they see you live with jeff playing keyboard, what are you doing? >> i am on a cash run. >> jimmy: is this just for money? this is a money thing that you do? >> no, because i love the people. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: like the pope. what goes on at this show? >> i do characters. it's a party with marty. and it is always -- because a lot of it is improvised. you just don't know what you're doing. >> jimmy: i see, i see. >> you're faking it and sometimes you go -- we were in detroit and i was doing all these chris christie jokes. you know. >> jimmy: right. >> and everything was going fine. if he becomes president he will be the first oval in the oval office and it's all fine and then i'm on the stool and i lift up the stool and i say i haven't lifted a stool this heavy since

chris christie's nurse phoned in sick. silence. >> jimmy: really? >> they hated me. i lost them in a second. >> jimmy: why is that? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: the people are starting to turn on the chris christie fat jokes. >> they don't like it. they like him. his popularity is surging faster than his cholesterol. this is a guy who has the people with him. >> jimmy: how long have you been doing this? >> showbiz? >> jimmy: yeah. >> funny you should say that. because tonight is my 40th anniversary in show business. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: is it? >> thank you! >> jimmy: that is remarkable. >> not true. but look at the reaction. >> jimmy: you started doing standup comedy? >> i never did -- i didn't do standup. >> jimmy: what did you do? >> well, i did -- i'm a singer and dancer and second city improvising.

standup was not my forte. i did it one time in 1978, truthfully. >> jimmy: what happened? >> i left second city and a friend of mine carole pope had a punk rock group called rough trade which was rush limbaugh's nickname in high school. but anyway. >> jimmy: another fat guy they don't laugh about. >> it's all changed. because he's such a good guy. but no, she had -- she said would you like to open for me? i thought, sure. that's pretty simple. i whipped up material and thought i would be the thinking man's stephen hawking. it's come out, be profound, switch anagrams around. and i didn't want people to laugh as much as they would go exactly. meanwhile i'm playing to people in chaps and jock straps and they carved rough trade. i hadn't judged the audience. >> jimmy: did they like you? >> they hated, they're booing

and screaming and i hadn't even left the house yet, i was not even onstage. [ drum roll ] thank you! you'd tell me if you'd had a stroke, wouldn't you? it was horrible. i came out. ♪ what's a nice country like you doing ♪ and they are booing and bleeding. i looked down, two people were dressed as my deceased parents. it was a mean, mean -- one guy was dressed as a priest and i thought he was a priest. it was a rough crowd. and at one point i had this joke. i had this joke. because at the time, the mayor of toronto was half irish and half jewish. and i said that you know, i'm irish and my family is from crossford glen and we have a name for someone who is half irish and half jewish. we call him a jew.

and a guy -- thought i was being anti-semitic and he threw a beer right in my face and i went i don't need no light beer. good night, everybody. and i left. and carole pope came back and was crying. and she said tomorrow will be different. and i said yes, because i will watching jack including klugman eat up the scenery in "quincy," i won't be here. >> jimmy: martin short is here. we'll be right back. [ sally ] my antidepressant worked hard to help with my depression. but sometimes, i still struggled to get going, even get through the day. so i was honest with my doctor. i told her i'd been feeling stuck for a long time. she said that for some people, an antidepressant alone only helps so much and suggested we add abilify (aripiprazole). she said that by taking both, some people had symptom improvement as early as 1 to 2 weeks. i wish i'd talked to my doctor sooner.

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>> jimmy: we are back. leah remini and zac brown band are on the way. martin short is here with us. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: i'm going to go out on a limb here and say your three best friends in show business as far as i understand are -- >> ben vereen -- >> jimmy: i wasn't thinking ben vereen. i was thinking steve martin -- >> yes! >> jimmy: paul shafer. >> yes! >> jimmy: and chevy chase. >> chevy is a dear friend but number three or whatever that order is the brilliant eugene levy. >> jimmy: okay. >> then they're henry martin,

and katherine o'hara and the cast of "cheers". >> jimmy: all ahead. >> shelly long when she gets on a roll. >> jimmy: i enjoy watching you and paul shafer together. because you guys -- >> i adore paul. >> jimmy: you have a lot of history together. >> he was an usher at my wedding. >> jimmy: usher at your wedding? >> fabulous. he looks to me like -- paul looks like a prom chaperone from the future. >> jimmy: in what way? >> i don't know. he looks like the world's hippest thumb. his head is a perfect light bulb. from a distance he looks like a hip suit has an idea. i met paul in "godspell" in 1972 and we became close friends. in 1974 i was doing a play in hamilton, ontario, 40 miles west. "aortune in men's eyes."

and it was a drama and we were prisoners and i played rocky and i was really bad in it. i couldn't remember lines and i was just -- i knew i was bad. it was just horrible. and paul came in. for the opening night with gilda radner, who i was dating at the time and eugene. the premise was that paul mainly wanted to see me in a play, but he mainly wanted to go to this fabulous restaurant, shake peers. i hear has the greatest garlic bread in the world, yeah! he kept saying, it was opening night, he kept saying have you made reservations at shakespeares yet? i said, yeah, i have, paul. fabulous, by the way, good luck in the play. we're going right after? yes, we are. so the director -- it was a prison drama. and the director felt that it was hip to -- as the audience would come in -- we were all in our underwear, we prison mates.

we were walking around smoking cigarettes. again, i had no character. but self conscious in the underwear and i see paul come down to the lip of the stage as i'm walking around. we are not supposed to acknowledge the audience and he goes, psst! psst! marty! i'm not looking at him. shakespeares is closed! he says, just blink if bavarian steakhouse makes sense. >> jimmy: of course it does. >> he's also among all the joy of his comedy, the most brilliant, brilliant musician imaginable. >> jimmy: he is for sure. >> wouldn't you say, boys? paul schaefer. >> jimmy: i will tell you, there's no one i enjoy having on the show more than you and it's great to see you. martin short, everybody. [ cheers and applause ]

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♪ [ "chopsticks" continues ] ♪

>> jimmy: welcome back. zac brown band is on the way. our next guest spent nearly a decade as the "queen of queens." now, she has a new called show "family tools," which premieres wednesday night at 8:30 here on abc. please say hello to leah remini. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> hi. >> jimmy: good to see you. >> you look really good. >> jimmy: that's nice to say. you look great too. >> seriously, what are you doing? >> jimmy: starving. >> i like that. >> jimmy: how are you doing? we're both from brooklyn originally. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: both of our families are relocated here? is your whole family here? >> one is in minnesota but she is married. trying to get her back. so --

>> jimmy: you have to break that marriage up. >> yeah. it will take time. >> jimmy: who is out here? >> my mother, everybody lives here. my mother and family work for me, similar to you. >> jimmy: right. >> we have nobody really working for us. >> jimmy: what does your mom do for you? >> my mother's supposed to be my house manager which consists of her sitting around doing her sudoku in our backyard. hey, mom, the water heater broke. i don't know what reaction you get because i get no respect. i'm a noncelebrity in my house. it doesn't matter what i do. but i get this i think i raised you girls, i think i've done enough! plautds plause >> jimmy: and you can't like fire her. >> i fired her a hundred times. she's like, i'm not leaving. i think not. when she does the sudoku in an expensive dining room chair in my backyard.

i don't think so. i don't think so, leah. >> jimmy: she's in your house at all times? >> all times. at all times. >> jimmy: who else is working for you? >> my little sister is my assistant. literally, again -- people make up stories when they come on shows to be funny. >> jimmy: this is all true. >> serious. my little sister she is freckle faced and blond. we don't know where she came from. my mother did a lot of drugs. but she is adorable and i consider her my baby. there are a lot of years between us. i will say shannon i need you to send an e-mail. wind seconds i'll go, did you send it, and she'll go, i f forgot, you're micromanaging me, and she cries and i feel bad. maybe you go home, walk your dog, go to yoga. i have non-people. non-people. >> jimmy: and no people backing them up? >> everybody backs them up. and everybody backs them up. do you believe my mother with the attitude. she's my mother.

i have other celebrity friends, i go there, it's yes, no, very professional, they get things done, they lay clothes out. i don't get anything. i get the hell out of here. she wanted to come tonight. she is like i want to go to jimmy kimmel and she has a crush on somebody. you know. >> jimmy: with celebrities. >> oh, then i'm her -- can she call them? like i have everybody's number. >> jimmy: does she embarrass you in front of people? >> that's the way she is. the thing is my mother is funny. i wouldn't have things to talk about if it wasn't for her. >> jimmy: she gets away with things. because she's funny. >> she will grab your stuff. >> jimmy: what stuff? >> she thinks she's funny. you'll say, hi, vicki, and she'll go to grab your stuff, know what i mean? and you will be like whoa, or if you try to top her because you are a comic and you think let me push it, and you'll be come on, vicki. she'll grab your stuff. >> jimmy: she has no boundaries. >> i have friends who will pull down their pants at a party and she'll go further, try to pull

their underwear off. she's like, really? don't play with my mother, she won't play with you, she'll grab your stuff. >> jimmy: maybe this is where your freckle faced sister came from. one of these parties. [ cheers and applause ] >> you're probably right. >> jimmy: you know what, my parents are embarrassing sometimes but my mother has never actually reached out and grabbed a man's genitals. not even my father's. >> really? >> jimmy: never. >> you came along so obviously once she grabbed them. >> jimmy: there were blindfolds involved, novinas were being said, rosary beads, i don't know how that happened. wow. so that's a bad situation. so you must be very happy to get back to work. >> no, i am. tonight i was leaving my house and my daughter says, why do you look so pretty? like it is not normal for me to look pretty. 8-year-olds. and i go i'm going on a show, it's jimmy kimmel. she goes i'll tape it and she goes -- i'm not joking. let me write something for you. okay? do this on the show. >> jimmy: this is real. okay. >> this happens every day in my

life. every day. >> jimmy: she gives you notes. can i look at it? >> this is a note for me. don't do this or don't wear this. don't say that. >> jimmy: can we hold this up? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: let's read this along. >> she writes for jimmy's show. and by the way, the handwriting's crazy good. >> jimmy: it is really good. i didn't know people wrote anymore. >> don't point out the spelling thing. she will get upset. say that i'm so funny and that i'm not cheesy like grandma vicky. my mother's laughing. because we all know she's getting close to that age and btw, she says, this is not my best handwriting, oh! and i'm a natural comedian and i'll be watching. so good luck. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. that's impressive. >> isn't that cute. >> jimmy: you're saying she's 4 years old? >> 8. >> jimmy: oh. maybe not as impressive, then. >> it's impressive! say something nice.

>> jimmy: she's a natural comedian, i mean, to be honest i wish she was here instead of you. that's good, right? so the new show, i think it will be a little bit strange to see you not with kevin james. >> i know. it's funny. >> jimmy: a strange thing. >> did you give that crap to kevin when he was here with other women? >> jimmy: well, no, but he's not on another tv show. >> if it's a movie it's okay. >> jimmy: there's something about television that makes you feel you know these people and they're part of -- especially a show like "king of queens." i'm from that area of the world and kind of relate to it. >> i agree. >> jimmy: but you have gone and are cheating on him, i guess. >> i understand. i know people feel this way. i didn't necessarily want to. i had to. he drew first blood. he went and hired someone named what? what was it? salma hayek. >> jimmy: salma hayek, yeah. >> am i sweating by the way? >> jimmy: you're sweating a little, it's okay. we're almost finished. >> does it look like sexy sweat?

>> jimmy: you're glistening. not sweating. [ cheers and applause ] we'll take a break and we'll get your great aunt the makeup artist to come pat you down a little bit. leah remini, we'll be right back with zac brown band. ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony.

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony. >> jimmy: this is their grammy winning album, "uncaged." here with the song, "jump right in," zac brown band. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ the southern wind sings again an island lullaby ♪

♪ ♪ baby powder beach under my feet has got me rolling ♪ ♪ and the breeze through crackling leaves like a daytime campfire burning ♪ ♪ and the ship is off to sea and the wake is a churning ♪ ♪ as the southern wind sings again an island lullaby ♪ ♪ you can jump right in let the music pull you in you can jump right in oh and lose yourself again ♪ ♪ as the southern wind sings again an island lullaby ♪ ♪ ♪ there's a place the locals go and no one knows where to find it ♪ ♪ and the river starts to flow inside the clouds of misty mountain ♪ ♪ the water from this stone below ♪ ♪ becomes a blue-green fountain

as the southern wind sings again an island lullaby ♪ ♪ you can jump right in let the music pull you in you can jump right in oh and lose yourself again ♪ ♪ as the southern wind sings again an island lullaby ♪ ♪ la-la-la-la la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪ ♪ ♪ you can find me where the music meets the ocean if you get the notion ♪ ♪ stop on by and play a while simple tune to get your love