na it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- armie hammer, adam carolla and music from ciara with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much, welcome to the show. thank you for watching, thank you, i want to send a special welcome for those of you visiting for the holiday. ready for july 4th.

i was going to say if you are not, the fourth of july lands on july 4th, which is exciting. i love the fourth of july, it is probably my favorite holiday. i mean, name one other holiday where we celebrate by setting off a roman candle in our cousin's face. one of my favorite things, the videos, they make them i guess to scare parents andñi kids so they don't blow off. so this one is from the national fire protection association. i'm not sure how effective it is. take a look. >> this demonstration shows one child holding a class-af-1 explosive. once lit, there is no way of stopping them until every last one of these aerials have exploded. this next demonstration will show how much energy there is in

one box of sparklers. >> jimmy: all that means you want to do is blow up dummies, see if your children are made of styrofoam, be very careful. put it on youtube immediately. it is estimated that 150 million hot dogs will be consumed on the fourth of july, 150 million barbecues, and another 50 million eaten by a depressed paula deen. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: while 150 million sounds like a lot, that number is actually lower than last year. that number dropped 3% from last year, expected to drop again. according to the national hot dog and sausage council, the slump in sales is due to the increase in raw material costs. i don't know, maybe, hot dog sales are declining because maybe the people who eat them regularly die.

i don't know, anyway, i'm excited to know there is a national hot dog and sausage council. that is the council i would like to be a part of. now that the holiday is here there is a lot of tourists here. coming to hollywood boulevard. this makes it the perfect time to play one of our favorite games, called foreigner or not. now, my cousin, sal, is out there. how is it going. >> it is a hot 75 degrees. >> jimmy: all right, here is how it works, next to cousin sal, it will be quiet, i don't want to guess their accent. and i will guess, based solely on appearance, if that customer is a foreigner or not. okay, hi, what is your name? she knows not to talk. all right. all right, now, i'm going to try to determine whether you are a foreigner, or not. okay?

all right, now we know she speaks english. we narrowed it down. all right, she is not so bright. so i'm going to say an american. are you -- where are you from? oh, what is that flag? >> yeah, exactly, from iran. >> jimmy: oh, you're from iran, but you speak english. and me, i'm the dummy, then. >> she is from iran, you want to take back those things you said about her. >> jimmy: we have something special for you, and it is a pie. yes, enjoy an american pie. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i still don't believe it. all right, well, let's see who else we have out there. we've got -- all right, another young lady. >> hubba bubba. >> jimmy: she is so much taller

than you are, sal. >> no, no, they're on a thing here. >> jimmy: oh, all right, we got the -- the daisy duke-style shorts. oh, the navel -- that is -- iñi mean, she may not be from this planet. all right. and okay. let's see, she is kind of laughing. she speaks english, but i'm going to say foreigner. and i'm wrong. where are you from? >> michigan. >> jimmy: oh, well, that is in america. all right, well, there you go. that is a pie for your troubles. thank you for stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, we'll come back to sal. here is an interesting lawsuit. are you familiar with the musician's will. i. am, and pharrell, it upset will.

i. am, because he has a copyright, isn't that a dog food anyway? pharrell's countersuit asked that they not infringe or unfairly compete with i. am, don't those words belong -- let me tell you something, this affects everyone except the cookie monster. you know who this affects more than anyone? i'll tell you, neil diamond. that is who owns i. am, when we start to walk on his territory, that is where i draw the line. the sweet caroline. they are on the look out, a mystery artist has been painting images like these on buildings,

electric boxes and dumpsters. and you don't want to compromise the aesthetic beauty of the dumpsters. i believe they should force him to write i will not deface public property. they may have to. researchers at the center for tobacco control at scotland university are working on an inventi invention. talking packs of cigarettes, that warn smokers about the side effects of tobacco. which i don't know, that actually might make me start smoking. i tell you right now if i want to hear from a talking cigarette, i'll call the tanning mom. thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, here is another interesting technical advancement, microsoft is testing a smartphone that can sense your mood, using a scope

that tests your mood and shares them on media sites. i don't need that, i have a fiancee that can test my mood. this is an interesting idea. they probably want to disable the speaker phone function. >> kevin is nervous. kevin is horny. kevin is extremely sweaty. kevin is totally -- >> wait, no -- >> kevin is pathetic. >> the new mood app. good luck with that. >> kevin is a little bitch. >> jimmy: oh, poor kevin. hey, let's go back outside. to my cousin, sal. all right, i'm 0 for 2 so far. >> jimmy, i brought in will.

i. am to defend himself. >> jimmy: will, what do you have to say about this lawsuit? anything. again, we know he speaks english. he is wearing red, white, and blue. he has red sneakers on. and yet, i feel like -- are those black socks? or blue socks? americans don't wear black socks with shorts. >> they're sort of brownish, it is hard to tell. >> jimmy: okay, i'm going to say foreigner. >> oh, show him, will, what do you got? >> jimmy: i'm terrible at this. where are you from? >> richmond, virginia. >> jimmy: yes, that again, is in america. what do you do for a living there in richmond? >> i'm a photographer and graphic designer. >> jimmy: oh, really? and why are you wearing that? just being patriotic? i can't imagine what you will wear on thursday. all right, here is a pie from

cousin sal, let's do one more, shall we? let's do one more and see if i can get one right. oh, boy. now, there is a patch on the shorts right off the bat. what is that? can we zoom in on that? all right, is that a wallet? >> no, it is a patch. >> jimmy: it is a patch. okay, that makes me think non-american. we don't have that kind of thing. i am going to guess, although you're plenty hairy enough to be an american i'm going to say foreigner. >> what do you got? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: where are you from? >> from dublin in ireland. >> jimmy: well, welcome to the united states of america, how do you like it so far -- have you had one of our pies yet? >> no, not yet. >> jimmy: well, you're going to love it. it has not been in the refrigerator for a whole day. well, thank you very much. we had some fun guests for you

tonight. our musical guest tonight is ciara. and from "the lone ranger" adam carolla is here. and when we come back, we'll talk with a 5-year-old genius. his name is arden hayes. stick around, you might learn something. applebee's new take two seasonal menu lets you choose two of five seasonal favorites starting at just $10.99. [ male announcer ] that sounds like a lot of choices. exactly! and the flavors complement each other perfectly. like our new blackened sirloin with the green goddess wedge salad or lemon shrimp fettuccine and seasonal berry spinach salad. ohh, the garlic rosemary chicken pasta... [ male announcer ] woah, woah, chef? you had us

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will.i [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, welcome back,

armie hammer, adam carolla, and despite the fact that our next guest is 13 years too young to vote for one, he knows a lot about the presidents of the united states. please welcome 5-year-old arden hayes. arden! what is happening? how are you doing, arden? >> good. >> jimmy: good to see you, are you excited to be here? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you know a lot about the presidents, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you a genius? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how long have you been a genius? >> since i was like two. >> jimmy: since you were two, do you know a lot about presidents and vice presidents? >> both. >> jimmy: can you recognize presidents when you see their faces? >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay, we'll put the presidents on the screen here and you tell us who they are. okay, who is that guy?

>> richard m. nixon. >> jimmy: do you know what the m stands for? >> milhouse. >> jimmy: who is that guy? >> chester arthur. >> jimmy: who is that guy? was he mean? >> he was one of our worst presidents. >> jimmy: he was one of the worst? why was he one of the worst presidents? >> because he gambled away the white house -- >> jimmy: he gambled? well, that is interesting. who is that? >> that is not a president. >> jimmy: well, how do you know? i thought that was president george jefferson. >> that is george washington --

>> jimmy: that is george washington carver? that is a president good guess. >> maybe you're thinking of george washington. >> jimmy: that is probably what i was thinking. are you smarter than your teachers at school? >> yeah, i am. i just finished school. >> jimmy: oh, you just finished, you graduated college? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what do you want to be when you grow up? >> a president. >> jimmy: a president, and then you can learn things about yourself. right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: why are there no women presidents? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: do you think there will be a woman president? >> yeah. >> jimmy: eventually? okay, who is your least favorite president? >> i don't have one. >> jimmy: you don't have one? who was the fattest president, do you know? >> william taft -- >> jimmy: we have questions from the audience, and we want to assure the viewers arden doesn't know what the questions will be, so he has not been prepared for this. lou, do you have a question for

arden about the president? >> i do. who was the first president to have a bowling alley installed in the white house? >> richard m.nixon, is that right? >> no, harry truman did it first in 1947, and then richard nixon had one installed later. >> jimmy: don't worry, we'll take him out in the alley and have him beaten later. all right, what is your question? >> who was the only president born on the fourth of july? >> jimmy: that was a good question. >> calvin coolidge. >> jimmy: calvin coolidge, is that right? >> yes. >> which president was the first to appear on tv? >> fdr. >> jimmy: fdr? that is right, fdr. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very, very good. and this week, it is the 150 th

anniversary of the gettysburg address. >> four score, liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. now we are engaged in a great civil war -- hey, tell me when to stop. [ cheers and applause ] >> i think -- >> jimmy: that is good. >> it is too long. >> jimmy: it is too long? okay? maybe you will be a tv producer when you grow up. i feel like i'm in a peanuts cartoon right now. well, that was very good. you know, we actually have a gift for arreden, guillermo has special gift for arden, it is your very own lego build your own white house set.

thank you very much. arden hayes, everyone, we'll be right back with armie hammer. the first time i saw a sony 4k tv, it was like opening my eyes. it's four times the detail of hd. colors become richer. details become clearer. which for a filmmaker, changes everything. because now there are no more barriers between the world that i see and the ones i can show you. the sony 4k ultra hd tv.

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lu [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, tonight on the program, you can see him live at caroline's comedy club in new york city july 18th through 20th and august 3rd at the wiltern here in l.a. our dear friend adam carolla is with us. [ cheers and applause ] and then, her self-titled album comes out one week from today. ciara from the sony outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] we've got something for everybody tomorrow night. michael c. hall will be here, miranda cosgrove will be with us and we'll have music from zz ward. our first guest is a very talented actor who during his relatively short career so far has co-starred alongside luminaries like leo dicaprio, julia roberts and himself. you can see him next saddling up with johnny depp and a dead crow in the new comedy adventure, "the lone ranger."

>> i warn you, i boxed in law school. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "the lone ranger" opens in theaters tomorrow. please welcome armie hammer. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how is everything? >> everything is good. >> jimmy: hey, were you a child genius? you seem like you might have been a child genius? >> totally. i just didn't give a damn about school. >> jimmy: were you a good student. >> i grew up on an island -- >> jimmy: what islands? >> caymen islands. >> jimmy: people live there?

>> it is not just money, people reside there. >> jimmy: and it is a very relaxed environment? >> it is very relaxed. like you get out at lunch sometimes, like nobody was wearing shoes. if it rained during school, all the kids would leave and collect all the crabs that came up out of the ocean. it is a very -- >> jimmy: instead of learning to read, you got crabs instead? >> yes. >> jimmy: you learned good in school. >> yes. >> jimmy: how did you wind up there? is there a weird tax shelter or something you went to? >> yeah, i had a lot of money at seven, and thought i got to put this somewhere where they're not watching. in reality, my dad saw a movie with tom cruise, "the firm." he thought it was paradise, thought i got to come down here and visit. he called us from there, said this place is paradise, i bought an apartment. so we sold everything, my mom and i and brother were in texas,

and flew down there pretty much sight unseen. >> jimmy: wow, was your dad impulsive? >> pretty much. >> jimmy: and what did he do there? >> he raced cars. he started a radio station. >> jimmy: he screwed around? >> yeah. >> jimmy: was it your great-grandfather who was famous, the guy who invented the hammer? >> yes, that is right. god, i love those royalty checks. >> jimmy: he was your great-grandfather. and was he alive? did you ever meet him? do you remember him? >> he was a very eccentric kind of fellow, i met him, he already had his success. the oil company, yeah, he was a really colorful character. >> jimmy: in what ways was he colorful? >> my perception was very

different. the clearest memory i have was of him smiling, i remember his laugh. i remember him coming to the house with an inflatable pool, with batman rings on his fingers. he waved, and would come over every sunday for lunch and my momñi would cook. >> jimmy: batman wears jewelry? i didn't even know that. >> and he had -- he had a penchant for kfc. >> jimmy: really? i can't imagine anything better than my grandfather showing up with batman rings and driving a hot dog -- that is pretty great. speaking of interesting people, johnny depp is your co-star -- >> really -- >> jimmy: we should break the circle right now. >> is that why you had all the altoids by the back door? >> jimmy: yes, that was it from last night.

did he kiss you on the set of the film? because you are much more attractive than i am? >> i guess that is just the customary greeting. >> jimmy: did you guys have is fun together? >> yeah, we did. >> jimmy: it seems like -- that is a fun movie to watch. you guys were out in the desert. and had a great time and terrible time making it. >> if we didn't have the crew and all the people making it we would have been sequestered in hell. really, there were times where we were shooting and we would be four, five, six hours from the nearest hotel. eight hours from the nearest airport. and this is in the southwest. in america, where you think i can drive almost all the way across arizona in eight hours. >> jimmy: right. >> yeah, yeah, that is how far it is to a town. >> jimmy: is it my imagination or have you been in a lot of movies in a short period of time? it seems like after "the social network" there were two of you to start off with.

and you did a lot of stuff. are you taking a break at any point from this? >> i am trying. i have such wonderful break plans. >> jimmy: what would you like to do if you have time to do it? >> if i have two months, if i get two months where i don't have to do anything i'm going to cross the entire country on my vespa, and a group of us. >> jimmy: how long will it take? >> probably two months. and i mean, we have everything planned. >> jimmy: who is in the group? >> okay, it is myself, my buddy ashton, his brother, tyler, who introduced me to my wife. his brother -- dewitt. >> jimmy: what is that story? is that his first name? >> that is his first name. dewitt is just dewitt. he has a red neck name, he is a red neck. >> jimmy: a red neck on a vespa. >> we need him, because we're going to just get picked on.

>> jimmy: yeah, you need him. >> we are only allowed to take what we can carry on the vespas. we are only allowed to sleep inside if somebody invites us, and if something breaks we have to fix it ourselves. >> jimmy: whose rules are these? >> mine, you know, we drove past a hotel an hour ago on this dirt road. >> jimmy: and are you allowed to get gas? how far will you take it? can you eat in restaurants? >> we have to eat the vespas as we go. there will be times. at one point we had planned to ride through the apache indian reservation, the native american indian reservation, and a plan we had all on dirt roads. >> jimmy: imagine that, they're going to say the lone ranger is riding through and is on a vespa, of all things. i thought silver would be intimidating, well it is great

to see you, the movie is great, called "the lone ranger," starring tomorrow. armie hammer, everybody. we'll be right back with adam carolla. [ male announcer ] now at at&t,

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. >> jimmy: welcome back, still to come, the music from ciara. >> jimmy: our next guest was podcasting before podcasting made any sense at all. he is here tonight to orchestrate his triumphant return to the big screen. please say hello to adam carolla. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how is it going, adam?

>> yeah, it is hot out there. >> jimmy: the neck towel always seems to be with you, no matter where you go. >> it is my thing, man? like james brown had a cape, right. >> jimmy: how are you doing, man? how is your summer so far? >> it is oppressive, it is brutal, you live up in the hills with air conditioning. i am in the valley, i'm being pummeled by heat. i get hot, you run hot. and my master bedroom has one cooling system. we turn it on all night, but guess who blocks the air conditioning vent? my dog, molly. don't you just wish we could do what pets do when they get hot? just go naked and find a thermometer. you can see my dog, when he is

splayed like he is doing porn, it is hot. so what my dog does, she pushes herself against the vent, sucks in every ounce of cold air and just lets out warm gas. i literally have to turn the air off, it is getting too hot in the room. it is the world's worst filter, takes in cool, fresh air and lets out stinky hot air, and i sweat all night. >> jimmy: what are you doing for the fourth of july? >> i'm going to get drunk. other than that, i'm going play with fireworks. >> jimmy: will you? >> and i do it in a safe way, here is the thing with fireworks, they're not dangerous, but they get dangerous. they start off, you guys have all done this. you go, i have a firecracker, you guys get behind those logs and put your leathers on, i'm going to get this mop handle and light it in a safe distance, then i'm going to join you in a

hitler's bunker, smash cut to 20 minutes later, i'm going to do this with my point, and definitely amp up some segel, you lose the hand -- >> jimmy: i know you have a major announcement to make here tonight, perhaps the biggest announcement of your career, yes? >> yes. >> jimmy: and that announcement is? >> i'm doing my second independent film. >> jimmy: you're going to do your second independent film. >> my second. >> jimmy: wildly well-received. >> a financial disaster. >> jimmy: but very successful. sports illustrated called it the best successful movie of theñ2h year, right? >> they did. >> jimmy: and you have an interesting plan? >> i went to the crowd funding source, you go on line, it is a new thing where you get the folks to pay. why should you pay for your own car when someone else can pay

for it and you can drive and once in a while they chip in for gas. you need to make a video about what the movie is about. so i made a pretty big movie with a celebrity that is going to be in the movie. >> jimmy: let's take a look. this is you. we can't show the whole thing, obviously, but let's take a l k look. >> hey, it is adam carolla, and ever since sports illustrated called my last movie, "the hammer," the best movie, people asked when are you going to make your next movie? well, it is called "road hard." and with the generous people like you, and an assist, i know it will be a huge success. >> hey, i'm flattered that i'm even involved in a small part. >> you're flattered, i'm co-starring in a movie with brian cranston. >> hold on --

>> jimmy: i watched the whole video. i didn't realize that he was co-starring. >> he will definitely be a part of this project, jimmy. >> jimmy: is he co-starring? >> we don't need to see the rest, why bore the people with the details? >> i would rather play the gay pimp, if i had to give my agents the chance of doing an adam carolla film or doing a enough film. they would have to discuss it. if i made deliverance, i would take it in the [ bleep ] before i would do -- oh, come on. you got to see the absurdity in what you asked me, right? >> no, i thought -- it was a long shot. and then you said i would love to be a part. >> oh, my god, that is funny. you got to write that into your

movie. >> you not being in the movie. >> no, you ask someone so ridiculous, that it is funny to the audience, and then you're character is like what? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: okay, so brian cranston will not be in the film, but you'll be in it. >> i feel like he was waffling. >> jimmy: no, i don't think he was. how much money are you looking for? >> one million dollars. >> jimmy: and people go where to get this? >> they go to fundanything.com/adamcarolla. >> jimmy: and then they pay -- >> they chip in, they get a dvd, the script, it keeps going up. if you want to pay enough you can have sex with me. actually, that is coming from me. i got to pay you. but like we can put your name in the movie. you can be in the movie. like it is insane. >> jimmy: how close to your goal are you? did you just do this or what?

>> this is it, this is the premiere. what do you think i'm going to do -- another late night show. >> jimmy: i don't know what you're up to. >> please, jimmy, i'll tell you what i'm up to. >> jimmy: what are you up to? >> now, listen, i saw you making up with scarf boy last night. by the way, if you just yank the scarf, there would be glasses and a hat there. there is no actual johnny depp there. but i've been thinking about it. you're making out with johnny depp. this whole prop 8 thing has been kicked to the curb now. we're free to express ourselves in a way we couldn't in the past, jimmy. let's be honest, you're single, i can get divorced. i'm just saying now -- well, they do it in hollywood all the time. it is like they make fun of you if you're not divorced. you know how it is. the point is, i got a ring. [ cheers and applause ] oh, where is my camera?

yeah, and jimmy, whatever your middle name is, kimmel, would you marry me and make me the happiest man on planet earth? >> jimmy: i mean, this is really -- very, very sweet, adam, don't think i don't appreciate it. >> it is just that we love spending time together, and ever since they moved you to 11:35. >> jimmy: well, the problem is, i'm already engaged. >> who? what is his name? i'll take him apart? >> jimmy: it is not your dog -- molly -- >> the skinny blonde bitch? i thought it was your pilates is teacher -- >> jimmy: i didn't know you were going to do this. [ cheers and applause ] >> hold on -- you are not reading what is on my face, did

you not see the social cues that were going on here? this is obviously not the time to drop the [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: this is so embarrassing, adam carolla, everyone. oh, adam -- see him performing life. 18th through the 20th, at carolines here in l.a. we'll be right back with music from ciara. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪

>> jimmy: her new self-titled album comes out july 9th. here with the song, "body party," ciara. [ cheers and applause ]

♪ my body is your party baby nobody's invited but you baby ♪ ♪ i can do it slow now tell me what you want baby put your phone down you should turn it off ♪ ♪ 'cause tonight it's going down tell your boys it's going down ♪ ♪ we in the zone now don't stop ooh ♪ ♪ you can't keep your hands off me touch me right there rock my body ♪ ♪ i can't keep my hands off you your body is my party ♪ ♪ i'm doing this little dance for you you got me so excited

now it's just me on you ♪ ♪ your body's my party let's get it started ♪ ♪ boy you should know that your love is always on my mind ♪ ♪ i'm not gonna fight it i want it all the time ♪ ♪ boy you should know that your love is always on my mind ♪ ♪ and i can't deny it i'm on you i'm on you ♪ ♪ i can't lie i won't lie it's amazing ♪ ♪ my faces the places you're taking me ♪ ♪ baby take your time now there's no need to rush we can go another round if that's what you want ♪ ♪ 'cause tonight it's going down yeah you know

it's going down ♪ ♪ we in the zone now don't stop ♪ ♪ you can't keep your hands off me touch me right there rock my body ♪ ♪ i can't keep my hands off you your body is my party ♪ ♪ i'm doing this little dance for you you got me so excited now it's just me on you ♪ ♪ your body's my party let's get it started ♪ ♪ boy you should know that your love is always on my mind ♪ ♪ i'm not gonna fight it i want it all the time ♪