"jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- jeff bridges. from "bravo," jeff lewis. and music from capital cities. with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone, nice to have you on the show. thank you for watching. thank you for all coming.

thank you for joining us. i appreciate that. you know, i read an interesting article today. that is right, i read. i've been reading for years. i was not aware of this, but there is a growing movement to split colorado into two states. apparently residents of northeast colorado which is much more rural than the rest of the state don't think they're properly represented in the capitol. so they want to break it into pieces. but this is what happens when you legalize marijuana, everyone gets all paranoid and tries to secede. the idea i guess is to divide colorado into two states, one for white people, and the other for really white people. and they want to call the new state north colorado. you know, if you're going to go to the trouble of creating a new state, give it a cool name like the danger zone, or colorado 2,

the reckoning. maybe that is how kim kardashian's baby got her name. it will never happen, they have about as much chance of seceding from colorado as chucky has to secede from cheese. the last time something like that happened was almost 100 years ago in 1897, santa and his el elves voted to secede from pole. and in paris, this is the week where they create all the designer outfits that lady gaga will wear one day. if there is anybody i know who has a passion for fashion, it is my aunt gyppy. so we asked her to take a look, this is paris fashion week.

>> paris fashion week. hi, it is paris fashion week. let's see what kind of [ bleep ] they came up with this time. oh, look at this, they made little red riding hood into a slut. you got to be kidding me, i don't know where she would wear that crap to. i wouldn't wear a dress like that only because my ass comes down to the back of my knees, so i don't think i would look good in a dress like that. who the hell would wear that? she has got a dead chicken on her shoulder. holy [ bleep ] it looks like it dumped on her head. that is kind of nice, i hate to say something bad about it, but it is really kind of nice considering she is wearing a purple condom on her head. she is wearing the emperor's new clothes, you got it hanging out?

oh, my god, she has got her legs covered and her pechaka over there is sticking out. why do i have to look at this? i mean, i'm an old lady who just wants to die in her bed with nobody bothering her. and i got to look at this crap. stuff i never looked at before and say it is fashion -- [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is what i grew up with. today is july 11th, it is 7-eleven, free slurpy day today, the day when americans get very excited about spending four hours for gas and wait two hours in line to get syrup and crushed ice. all day today to celebrate you can walk in and get a free 12-ounce slurpee. i have a very strict policy, i

don't drink anything with the letter "p" in it. at perdue university, they say that diet soda may not be better than the real thing. the researchers say drinking it, your body thinks you're getting real sugar, and when you don't there are imbalances in sugar. and the study says that everything is a lie, nothing is certain and we should all just probably give up. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, if you saw our prime time specials that we did during the nba. you probably saw this kid, trick shot titus. he made an appearance on fox and friends this morning. he hit shot after shot, he was unstoppable. until brian kilmeade hit him with the ball and made him cry. oh, shame on you, brian, you monster, you are a monster

personified. and eventually he calmed down, they brought him in the studio, what i think is a wonderful lesson for a kid, they encouraged him to exact revenge. >> i have a good idea, take that ball right now and throw it as hard as you can at that. right here, right here. [ cheers and applause ] >> he has been juice boxing, he is going to be great at dodge ball. paula deen, you remember paula deen, right? well, apparently she is going to be a new person on the comic book about female empowerment. it seems the only thing she empowers women to do is kill their families with her recipes. the publisher says they were working on it for months before the controversy started so they must have thrilled. they believe the comic will still sell, mostly because paula

deen is an iconic figure, and because the new book will be printed on bacon. this is the cover of the book. how many of you think we made this up? how many of you think it is fake just by applause? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, we didn't, it is real. that is the cover. this, by the way, is also how paula wants to be buried when she dies. last night we showed a video, justin bieber in the kitchen of a restaurant in new york, peeing into a mop bucket and yelling f bill clinton! it got a lot of attention, he actually called bill clinton to apologize, how does that work? hang on prime minister, i have another call coming in. he tweeted about their conversation, he said at bill clinton, thank you for taking time to talk, hash tag. you know it is sincere when there is a hash tag. he tweeted this to the mop

bucket. he said still not sorry, i pee where i want to. he still has some growing up to do. bieber reportedly offered to help president clinton with his charity. seems like they're on good terms, although at the end of the call it did get a little awkward when clinton asked for selena gomez's phone number. and as you're aware, congress is doing a good job, but they have only passed 16 laws this year, the whole year. and two of them were originally supposed to be one. it was really supposed to be 15, one was to put a baseball player on a commemorative coin. most of what i know about congress and how a bill becomes a law i know from the old school house rock cartoons. but they're like 40 years old. we made a new one to help teach this generation of young people

how congress works. well, enjoy. >> hey, dad? >> yes, son? >> it seems like there are so many big problems in the world. how is our government working to solve them? >> well, son, it is a bit complicated. >> well, can you tell me? >> i'm not sure. >> well, can you sing it for me? >> hm, maybe i can. it is a little like this. ♪ ♪ your screwed, yeah, you're totally screwed ♪ the ten billion people and not enough food. they're cutting down the forests, the earth is getting hotter ♪ the air is full of poison and so is the water. you're screwed. you're one screwed dude ♪ everyone is obese and hooked on narcotics. the infectious diseases and reluctant antibiotics, you're screwed, you're screwed, you're screwed ♪ >> so gee, you're saying my

generation faces the possibility of a bleak apocalypse-like future? >> that is true, the politicians are too busy to do anything about it. >> let me see if i got it great. we're screwed. >> the squable and fighting, the solutions are getting stone-walled in the sequester. >> so i'm screwed? >> you're screwed, it is the right attitude. >> it is a tragic situation. >> the problems are bad and not getting better ♪ >> well, at least with global warming i don't have to wear a sweater. >> now you're thinking, the structure is crumbling. >> i'll spend my life with the old folk. >> i don't mean to be rude ♪ ♪ but you're hosed! you're screwed ♪ and that is how our government

works, son. >> boy, dad, they really suck. >> yes, they do, son, they really suck. oh, well, you want to get drunk? >> again? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're going to take a quick break, when we come back we have a couple of favorites for you. this week, our censorship, in our question we ask "are you fat"? plus, jeff bridges and jeff lewis are all coming up. so don't stray. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ abc's jimmy kimmel live, brought to you by geico. chances are,

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notorious, notori [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, jeff bridges, jeff lewis, and then capital city is on the way. before we get to them, i mentioned earlier on this week that mexico has surpassed the united states for fattest country. they're officially at that timer. i never thought this day would come. the americans are even too lazy to get fat. i thought it would make an interesting part for our segment. we went out on hollywood boulevard and asked a wide variety of people, are you fat? the pedestrian will say their name, where they're from, and then we'll try to guess if they think they're fat. that is tricky, we have to get inside a person's brain, let's meet the person. >> i'm jose, from las vegas. >> and are you fat? >> is jose fat? >> yes. >> jimmy: all right, he will be

happy to hear that. >> yes, i am. >> name one person fatter than you. >> that would be in sister. >> jimmy: all right, next up? >> jordan from minnesota. are you fat? >> jimmy: all right, is jordan fat? one yes, the rest no! no. >> what about now? >> no. >> what about now? >> no. >> jimmy: give it time, they will get to it eventually? >> next, jim, from san antonio. >> are you fat? >> jimmy: all right, is jim fat? >> no. >> jimmy: that is another tough one, i don't know, okay, well, let's find out. >> no. >> why not? >> because i'm tall. >> jimmy: yeah, if you get tall enough it is not possible. all right, there you go. >> from alabama. >> are you fat? >> jimmy: well, he doesn't look fat at all. let's find out.

>> i'm getting there, i got to get back in the gym. >> are you mexican? >> no, i'm not mexican. [ bleep ], my name is arroyo, though, is that why you asked me that? >> yeah. >> dang, i'm not mexican, i'm black. >> jimmy: all right, he is right. >> my name is robert, from eastern canada. >> are you fat. >> jimmy: is this guy fat? >> no. >> jimmy: why, are you scared of him? >> no. >> jimmy: let's find out. >> no. >> why not. >> because i eat healthy. because -- because i -- it doesn't show, because i'm almost 7 feet tall, so it doesn't show. >> jimmy: he is tall. all right, and one more. >> my name is esme and i'm from atlanta, georgia. >> jimmy: is he fat? >> no. >> jimmy: well, let's see what

he thinks? >> no, i got a little gut i need to lose, but i'm not fat. she got it going on, fellas, come stand next to me. >> no. >> white girl got back. >> okay. we're done. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the tables have turned. it is thursday night, time for our weekly tribute to the fcc, where we [ bleep ] and blur things whether or not we need it. >> all right, let's get start with justin bieber caught on tape, peeing in public. >> it may not be the most practical way to [ bleep ] a dog, but it sure is fun to watch. >> a journalist asked you about gay marriage, you had an interesting response. >> i shouldn't be taking a [ bleep ] out of somebody

else's, when i have one of my own. >> i think i can say to the public, if you are willing to [ bleep ] me, i would like to serve. >> what is he doing out there? >> i don't know, but let's [ bleep ] him while he is vulnerable? >> how long can we really go without taking a [ bleep ]. >> she brought her plus one. >> she has great tips. >> i usually am the one that [ bleep ] that stuff. i don't do it because i just really want to get out there and [ bleep ]. >> i understand that. >> watch out for the [ bleep ] mess. enough! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have jeff lewis, music from capital city. and we'll be right back with jeff bridges. [ cheers and applause ]

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♪ ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: outside in the parking lot, all right on the program,

host of 11 shows on "bravo," jeff lewis is here, all business. and music from this album, called in a tidal wave of mystery, capital cities. our first guest tonight is a very gifted actor who unlike a lot of oscar winners does some of his best work in a bathrobe, you know him from plenty of movies. his latest is r.i.p.d., opening tomorrow. please say hello to jeff bridges. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know it is funny, since you were here last, you published a book and released an album and had a granddaughter, as well. >> that is right.

>> jimmy: how old is your granddaughter? >> two. >> jimmy: and are you enjoying it? >> amazing, i decided i wanted to be called dude-pa, you know, grandparents, my wife is noni. >> jimmy: okay. >> and gracy, that is my granddaughter's name. she cut it a little short. i'm not dude-pa, i'm dudy. i'm seeing it as howdy doody. >> jimmy: that is very cute, congratulations. how many daughters do you have? >> three daughters. >> jimmy: and were you a strict father? it doesn't seem like you would be. >> not too strict. >> jimmy: did you ever ground them? >> nothing i can remember -- my daughter, isabel, who is the mom

of gracy, we were talking about different parental skills and different notions of how you treat your kids. and do you remember "time out"? your kid is not behaving and you give them a time out. isabel says oh, no, dad, we don't do that. i said what do you mean? she is a yoga teacher, into different things, she said dad, the child is experiencing the general uneasiness of being a human being, and focusing, so i'm not going to put her away, i'm going to just sit there and let her experience, so isabel will sit there for an hour with her, saying no, gracy, you can't have it. and finally, she will say okay, mommy, quit talking to me,

please. she will say okay, gracy, i'll stop, but you still can't have it. >> jimmy: i think it is an interesting theory, now when i think about it in those terms when you put them in timeout, you're sending them away from you, putting yourself in timeout. >> it is a way of saying we all have these kind of feelings. and i wish sometimes somebody would do that to me. i get so anxious sometimes and attach it to something that i can't have or something. but it is really not about that. i think it is just the general anxiety of being alive. you know? >> jimmy: i don't see you as an anxious person. >> well, i'm an actor. it is an act, man. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: but timeout sounds kind of nice, funny, as an adult, that is what you need -- >> time out from -- >> jimmy: i would like to go to prison. i sometimes think about this. because i imagine like, i would

have time to read and just kind of sit there. >> i feel a dissolve now, you can dissolve into your prison skit. >> jimmy: i sometimes think about it, they say solitary confinement is horrible, i'm thinking oh, no. the anklet says you're at home, and all that stuff, i just want to be away from home, all that stuff. maybe we'll go out and commit a crime or something. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you have been on the road playing with your band. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: that seems like it has to be the most fun. >> that is a teenage dream come true. the abiders, a little lobowski reference, this tour we're going out on in a couple of days. my middle child, jesse, will open for me. she has a lot of music you can

check out on the internet. >> jimmy: does that ruin it for you? >> oh, come on, man, she has been my assistant for the last three films. >> jimmy: do you have to behave yourself when you're out on the road? >> oh, jimmy, we jam, we have a great time. >> jimmy: all right, okay. >> she takes care of me, though. and i do my best to take care of her, we're a good team. >> jimmy: do you behave yourself or do you feel compelled to act like a rock star when you're out on the road? >> well, these guys are well seasoned. but you can imagine being this -- you know, a teenage dream when i get out there with my guys. it is just a wonderful, amazing type of feeling. and that first night i tend to celebrate a little bit. and i re-learn the lesson. >> jimmy: you re-learn it, yes. so the advice, people do not come near the end of the tour. or come near the end of the tour, don't come at the beginning, middle of the tour. >> maybe the second night might

be a rough night. >> jimmy: second night. all right, that is good advice. we're going to take a quick break. jeff bridges is here. his movie is called r.i.p.d. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] >> coming up later, music from capital city, brought to you by bud light music first. [ female announcer ] when it comes to your smile, the coffee you drink adds up over the years... causing deep, set-in stains. crest 3d white whitestrips go beyond where most toothpastes can reach, safely removing stains below the enamel surface to whiten as well as a $500 treatment. crest 3d white whitestrips.

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. >> how could she not know it is me. >> you don't look like you, you don't sound like you. if you're trying to tell them

who you are, comes all garbled up. the universe, in all its wisdom, will not let you reveal yourself. >> so what do i look like? >> these are your ids. some federal, whatever gets us access. >> really? an old chinese guy? what about you? ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is jeff bridges, in r.i.p.d. now, to explain what happened there, in the movie your character is dead, and ryan reynolds's character is dead. and you're cops -- >> looking for dead people who are alive. or wanting to be alive. >> jimmy: and you're a woman, visually. >> it was amazing, the makeup.

thomas nellon, my makeup guy. >> jimmy: you look beautiful. >> like marissa miller. >> jimmy: yes, and kevin bacon was here, talking about shooting the movie. he had a lot of fun with you, he mentioned something that was interesting, you guys play a game, which we have obtained. >> you got some pigs. >> jimmy: what is it called? >> pass the pig. >> jimmy: right, now pass the pig -- >> it is kind of like craps for kids. >> jimmy: i see, so this is a kid's game, i didn't know that. i thought it was some kind of drinking game. well, how does it work? will you show us how it works? >> i don't want to take too much time to explain, you got a dot on one side of the pigs and a blank on the other side. and what you don't want is a blank and -- >> jimmy: you want them to be even? >> the wonderful thing about the

pigs, the way they roll is that -- do we have a camera -- >> jimmy: yes, we do. >> is that sometimes, let's see if i'm lucky, that didn't work. that is a one. >> jimmy: that is a one? >> the object is to get to a hundred. and let's see, see, a razorback, that is good. that is six i got. now, you can get a trotter, you can get a double trotter. you can get a snouter that looks just like that. or can you get the coveted double leaning jowlor. >> jimmy: wow. >> which is a cool 60 points. >> jimmy: that is the best one? >> that is the tops. and we would play that for hours. and kevin, sometimes he would say it when we played pigs, but he would often say it just before we were going to do a scene. and i've taken this with me, works on a lot of different

levels. he would say now remember, everything depends on this. and i was just a wonderful -- of course, you saw how ridiculous it was, but then you say -- >> jimmy: remember, everything depends on this. >> oh, you scored, man, razorback, man, go again. >> jimmy: five's. everything depends on this. oh, snouter and a trotter [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: a trotter. >> keep going. if you get a dot and a blank, then you pig out. then you lose all of those points, so that is why they call it pigs. >> jimmy: i have a gunmambling problem. >> one more time. oh! >> jimmy: i'm a natural. all right, r.i.p.d. opens in theaters. jeff bridges, everyone.

[ cheers and applause ] >> came with a y and two m's. i know you have a tough decision to make, but i want you to know that you're amazing. >> thanks, guillermo. >> i'm giving you my heart, me corazon. >> i feel like i can be myself with you. >> it came with a y and two m's, can i steal you for a second -- sorry, bro guillermo where are you going? i thought we had a connection. >> kim can see what is in my heart, bro. >> his mustache is so unique, but travis is such a bad boy guillermo. >> travis is so wrong for kim,

i'm cruising on my harley, and this trucker just cut me off. hey, kim with a y, can i steal you for a second? let me pour you some wine. i got this, man -- >> look what you did! >> she is mine now, bro. do i get a rose? >> for life's bleachable moments, only chlorox bleach. vote now, presented by the makers of chlorox bleach. he's definitely getting a rose. oh yeah. for life's bleachable moments, only clorox.

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>>jimmy: our next guest has combined the fine arts of home renovation and yelling at people into one very successful tv career. his new show is called "interior therapy" watch it on bravo tuesday nights at 9:00. please welcome jeff lewis. ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good to have you here. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you re-design and renovate homes. you're a very demanding boss and person in general, true? >> i thought you were going to say in demand -- >> jimmy: both of those things? >> yes, i am very much a perfectionist, so i am very self-critical, and critical of the people who work for me. because ultimately, it is about the product, we are designing really some of the most beautiful luxurious homes in the united states. so i have a reputation to uphold. and i think the people that work for me, you know, they have to be accountable. >> jimmy: and do you think they know what they're in for? who do you think they would rather work for, you or kim jong-un? are there benefits to you yelling at them?

i don't know how i would handle this if i work for them. >> this is going to surprise you. there is a lot of turnover in my office. there were days we would hire them and get all the paperwork and the contracts. and they would start the first day, and this is after i put everything together, hiring attorneys to put it altogether, and they would quit, sometimes later. now what we do is bring in people on a trial basis. so i am one for hiring interns to see how it works. and if it works, they become paid interns and assistants. they have to work their way up the ladder, because that is how i have been successful. look, i'm not the smartest guy in the room. but i think the key ingredient to success is really hard work. and when i'm hiring people, i don't always look for the smartest person. i don't always look for the kick ass resume with the ivy league reputation, i look for a person

working three jobs, this girl worked three jobs, she wants it, she is hungry and will work for it. >> jimmy: and you make them work for it, for sure. i see you, and i think that is what i want in a guy running -- renovating my house. because of course, you know there are a lot of characters involved. but i watched the show that is going to air this week. and you had a couple -- i really -- like i was yelling at the television. because the woman had six or seven cats in the house. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: the baby is allergic to cats. >> yes. >> jimmy: the husband is allergic to cats. it is a disaster of a house, a dirty house. not only do you fix the house, you get in there and talk the situation out with them. >> you have to understand, i have six days to remedy the situation and i want to make an impact, sometimes i go in and people don't necessarily like my bedside manner. i have the clock ticking.

it is not so much about the renovation, because while we're in the house we renovate the home. but it is about getting the people unstuck. this woman was depressed, the only real help she got was rescuing cats. but she was neglecting her children in the process. the baby is allergic to cats, covered in rashes and flea bites and there is a cat in his crib. people don't like that i go off the handle and scream, but sometimes nice -- >> jimmy: you know what i wanted to do, board up the house and fill it up with gas, that is what i was hoping you would do. i was at the point where i wanted to call the husband and tell him he could come live with me. because he just wanted to reduce the number of cats to four, which seemed reasonable. >> yes, and we ended up re-locating them outside because we converted the garage to kind of a guest house. we ended up moving the cats outside. look, i'm an animal lover, i don't want to just drop the animals at the shelter.

so we did relocate the cats, got them out of the house. i don't know what -- she is still very depressed. and i always recommend that maybe you should go on medication or see a doctor or -- while i'm out the door. >> jimmy: renovation and medication. you have zoyla, what is she? your housekeeper? >> yes, i have nine employees in the house, i choose to work from home. i probably should have an office but at this point i don't want one. i really like being at home. there is chaos, we have dogs working around, we work in the living room in my house. and that is the way i want it. it is a very different environment because it is a bunch of creative times, not really a very strict corporate environment. and i am very unorthodox the way i run my business. >> jimmy: zoyla tried to kill you once, right? >> i'm very sometimes hard on my employees, which breeds

resentment over time. zoyla, who has been my housekeeper for over ten years, there are better ways really to work out your anger. but what happened was, she fed me bacon which i thought was weeks old. she actually said months old. and i don't think she wanted to kill me but i believe she wanted to hurt me. i was sick -- >> jimmy: just a light poisoning. >> for several days. once in a while we have mutiny. >> jimmy: and that is not a fireable offense for you. >> i kind of get it -- like i -- i understood why she wanted to hurt me. i do, because sometimes you get really angry. i understand. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: she is a dangerous woman. be very nice to zoyla. >> i tell you, i am so overly nice now. but i don't let her cook for me

anymore. >> jimmy: make herñi the food taster, the show is very entertaining. 9:00 on bravo. jeff lewis, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> music from capital city is brought to you by bud light, music first. on august first, don't miss the 50/50 music festival, with 50 shows in 50 states, all in one day. and tonight, don't miss the jimmy kimmel live screen featuring the concert from capital city. go to myspacebudlight, immediately after the show.

>>jimmy: their debut album, "in a tidal wave of mystery" is out now. safe and sound. capital city.

♪ i could lift you up i could show you what you want to see and take you where you want to be ♪ ♪ you could be my luck even if the sky is falling down i know that we'll ♪ be safe and sound we're safe and sound ♪ ♪ i could fill your cup you know my river won't evaporate this world we still appreciate ♪ ♪ you could be my luck even in a hurricane of frowns i know that we'll be safe and sound ♪

♪ safe and sound we're safe and sound safe and sound we're safe and sound ♪ ♪ hold your ground we're safe and sound safe and sound ♪ ♪ i could show you love in a tidal wave of mystery you'll still be standing next to me ♪ ♪ you could be my luck even if we're six feet underground i know that we'll be safe and sound ♪ ♪ we're safe and sound safe and sound safe and sound hold your ground ♪

♪ safe and sound i could lift you up i could show you what you want to see and take ♪ ♪ you where you want to be you could be my luck even if the sky is falling down ♪ ♪ i know that we'll be safe and sound i could lift you up i could show you what ♪ ♪ you want to see and take you where you want to be you could be my luck even if the sky ♪ ♪ is falling down i know that we'll be safe and sound ♪ ♪ safe and sound we're safe and sound