it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight larry david. from "glee", naya rivera. and music from backstreet boys. with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: thank you all, thank you for watching, thank you for ignoring your family and friends to be here tonight. you notice i have a beard on my face, you know, i had the beard last night and i was going to shave it.

but my agent called me to tell me that the executives don't like it. so now, i'll be keeping it for the rest of the week. can you imagine having a job where people weigh in on your body hair? as if i'm their prized labradoodle at the westminster show. and i tell you, if i get a call from them tomorrow, i'm going full zz top, i'm a rebel, that is how guys with beards are. i would like to start the show tonight by wishing happy birthday to arnold schwarzenegger. so if you work for the merry maids, it may not be a bad idea to throw a bottle of spray paint in the bucket. he is 65 years old today. i sa if he doesn't learn english by 68, we send him all the way back. at 66, jingle all the way is not just a movie, but what happens to your testicles, oh, he just got nominated for another movie.

arnold does birthdays differently. he just says get out! we have had a lot of fun at arnold's expense, so i thought i would be kind to do something nice for him. so let's gather to sing happy birthday for him. we translated it into arnold-ese so he can understand it. are you ready? can we have some music? ♪ ♪ ♪ happy booday to you, angry bird day to you. happy birthday dear arnold [ cheers and applause ] see you again next year. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't know what it is, but a little something tells

me, "he will be back." justin bieber is in the middle of something again, on sunday, his tour bus was crossing the canadian border into detroit. the police searched the bus as they do and found drug paraphernalia. fortunately he was not on board, i knew my little angel wouldn't get caught. does this look like the face of somebody who smoked marijuana? not at all. elsewhere in the great white north, two teens in manitoba, this is some story, their friend is in juvenile home for doing arson and they wanted to see him. so they did what any reasonable friends would do. they set a police station on fire so that they, too, would get arrested for arson and see their friend. when these people find out about it on skype they will be furious. reportedly they caused thousands to damage at the police station. police believe they were part of

a local gang that goes on crime sprees every sunday. only on sunday, and they call them "bad ass sundays." sounds more like stupid ass sunday. i realized, i have no friends who would do this for me. you would? >> oh, sure. >> jimmy: the saga of anthony weiner gets weirder and weirder, in 2011, he resigned from congress after admitting to sexting and sending photos of himself to women. and last week he admitted to doing it more after he resigned and publicly apologized. and one of the women with whom he had a relationship, a 23-year-old vixen named sidney leathers, for real, she is so embarrassed about it that she stripped down to a bikini photo there, with "the new york post." it makes no sense whatsoever. she is on the beach.

here she is carrying her shoes. this photo was exclusive, exclusive because nobody else showed up to photograph her. this is another one. i feel like this sidney leathers is every woman in every big sex scandal rolled into one large, disturbing package of tattoos. and i think this picture may be my favorite. it says not only am i playful, but i will ruin your political career. by the way, this is anthony weiner's wife, huma, and this is the woman with whom he sexted. men work in strange and unexplainable ways. a lot of people feel bad for h you know, when you get married uma. you swear to love each other for better or worse, and this is much worse. in fact, it couldn't be much worse, in fact, she stands by him honoring her vows. guillermo, if your wife sent picture his -- pictures of her

genitals to somebody and then ran for mayor, you would forgive her, right? >> no, i don't think so. >> jimmy: all right, let's cleanse our palates, this is a dog doing something adorable, you're about to see a guy and his french dog doing something it couldn't possibly be able to do. [ noises ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: dogs usually are not to lick themselves every 30 op seconds. if you have time warner cable, you may noticed you briefly lost cbs last night, time warner has been in a nasty contract

negotiation with cbs, the talks came to a stand still, so for a time, time warner briefly dropped cbs and show time in new york, l.a. and dallas. thousands of elderly cbs viewers briefly thought they had died. sometime warner subscribers say they lost the network for about 20 minutes, or 3.4 minutes. then it came back on and a local dj was still licking its lips. this is a good video, becoming very popular on vine, a woman at an apple store needed a part for her computer, she was under the impression she would be able to just get it and go. but she learned she would have to stop and wait. she had this meltdown. >> i can't walk in this store and get a part! i was told that i could walk in the store and get a part!

i was told that i could walk in the store and get a part! >> jimmy: every point is made better if you slam on a baby carriage for emphasis. the kid in the stroller is trying to put his pacifier in his ears, let's watch it another time. >> i was told i could walk in the store and get a part! >> jimmy: i watched this 40 times, it is almost melodic when you watch it over and over. since we have melodic guys in the house tonight, i asked them to make a song out of it. and with that said, i give you backstreet boys. [ cheers and applause ] >> one, two, three, four ♪ i was told by apple cam ♪ that i could walk in the store and get the part ♪ i was told by apple cam that i could walk in the store and get the part! ♪ i was told by apple cam that i

could walk in the store and get the part! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, is it too late to put that on your new album? backstreet boys, everyone. we'll take a break. and when we come back -- when we come back from the break, my cousin, sal, is going to hug strangers for a very long and uncomfortable time. and i will introduce you to the fattest baby ever born, plus, music from the backstreet boys and naya rivera, and larry david. we'll be right back. [ male announcer ] monopoly's back at mcdonald's this summer and the food you love is serving up fantastic prizes. like red box movies... ♪ a chance to win a million dollar prize on a big mac... [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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and the backstreet boys are back stage. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: a new record has been set in leipzig, germany, the heaviest baby ever born in germany on friday, she weighed in at 14.7 pounds. but a lot of it is baby weight. 13.5 pounds, that is an olsen twin, not a baby. we have a picture of young jaselene, sorry, that is not the right picture. okay, there is jaselene, wow, looks like she gave birth to danny devito. remarkably, she was delivered without a c-section, which means the baby will be walking before her mother does. so there you go, a newborn baby that weighs more than juliana rancic, and already she is booked on "the biggest loser."

i was recently alerted to a new internet trend called "smack cam kwtsz. where people sneaking up on their friends, smacking them in the face. basically every episode of "the real house wives." the guy that is the creator? i think susan lucci invented it, from "all my children." but in any event. here it is. >> smack cam! [ bleep ]. >> oh! >> smack cam! >> [ bleep ] >> hahahaha. >> what are you watching? >> oh! >> jimmy: so they're having fun.

after every slap -- his own hype man, i guess. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and now, this is being imitated by people who seem intent on upping the smack ante. >> smack you! that is it! >> jimmy: at least they're getting exercise, though, that is what is really important. the kid who started this said he is now worried it is getting out of control. with all the imitators. i agree, so tonight we're going to start a much safer, friendlier alternative to smack cam called "hug cam." we sent my cousin out, sal, to try out "hug cam". >> hey, let me hug you. >> is that enough?ñr >> isn't it better now? better than a slap in the face. >> come on. >> it is better, though, right? >> all right. >> better than a slap in the face.

>> i hear that. >> okay, i got to roll. >> i hear that, man. >> i got to go. >> i know. >> come on, come on, come on. >> you hugged a lot of people today? >> what? >> you hugged a lot of people? just be quiet. >> that is really good. >> give me a hug. i was going to wear this, and now i'm glad i didn't. you know? >> yeah. >> god bless you. >> god bless you. >> god bless america. >> god bless -- for the country, for the people. >> right. >> god bless you forever. >> thank you. >> thank you. >> god bless you. >> thanks, thanks.

do you speak english? >> no, no, i don't. just better than smacking each other, you know? you know just how to get me! >> please, let go of me now. >> no, let's do this for a while. it's better than a slap, right? ♪

♪ ♪ >> jimmy: tonight, on the show from "glee," naya rivera is here, and music from backstreet boys. and we'll be right back with larry david. so stick it out. [ mom ] why do i do my back to school shopping at jcpenney? well, it's the only place i can get my kids arizona jeans, which means they can find the perfect pair that fits great... and it's affordable... oh, and it's got all the other brands they have to have. i've been told this stuff can make or break your entire year. but i'm not even going to pretend to know what "cool" is. i'll just take 'em to the sales and leave the rest to them. doorbusters friday 3 to close, saturday 9 to 1. style. quality. price. now at jcpenney.

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>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. >> jimmy: tonight on the program from "glee" naya rivera is here. and then celebrating their 20th anniversary and a new cd that just came out today called "in a world like this" backstreet boys from the sony outdoor stage. there is a little village set up. because a bunch of women camped out overnight to see them. i wish i liked anything that much. i really do. tomorrow night, our friend, johnny knoxville will be here, logan lerman will be with us, we'll have music from queens of the stone age. and on thursday selena gomez, my old pal ben stein will join us, and music from palma violets. our first guest is a gifted and award-winning man who probably isn't happy to be here tonight. he gave us "seinfeld" and "curb your enthusiasm" and now, the new movie "clear history" premiering august 10th on hbo please welcome larry david. [ cheers and applause ]

>> are you kidding me? with that door? what the hell is that, huh? >> jimmy: i didn't know -- >> that is about the craziest -- >> jimmy: it is like a star trek reveal. >> god forbid i slipped, i could have gotten amputated. >> jimmy: we'll be more careful the next time. you were supposed to be here like a year ago, but i think you cancelled for some reason or another. >> yes, i did, i cancelled. do you have a problem with that? >> jimmy: i was disappointed, of course. >> well, that is nice for you to say that. >> jimmy: it is true, true. >> i have an explanation.

>> jimmy: what happened? >> i'm going to tell you what happened. you like jimmy or jim or james? >> jimmy: either way, you can go jim, jimmy or james. >> why do they even bother with the james, why not just put jimmy? nobody is going to call you james. >> jimmy: i know, you're lawrence, probably, right? it is like wedding invitations, there has to be something serious on it because it is a serious event. >> if they knew they would have a comic, maybe they would have named them jimmy or larry. >> jimmy: or maybe we wouldn't have wound up like this if they gave us decent names. >> all right, the explanation, i was supposed to be on your show and i was on another show the night before, a show similar to this. >> jimmy: okay, right. >> you know, there was a different guy. >> jimmy: a guy, yeah. >> otherwise, exactly the same. you know? and uh -- i was fantastic. >> jimmy: you killed?

>> i never heard laughs like that in my laugh. i couldn't believe it. and i thought there was no way i could go on the kimmel show the next night and duplicate what i just did. because jimmy, can i confide in you? >> jimmy: of course. >> i can't go back-to-back -- >> jimmy: is that right? in any scenario? >> in any scenario, no. i need a respite, i need to gather my forces. >> jimmy: does that apply to all areas of your life, like dating, of course. love making, et cetera? >> yes, yes, all areas. if i have a good love-making session on a friday, no way do i make love on saturday, no. no. i'll call her up with excuses. i can't, i'm sick, you know? >> jimmy: do you frequently back out of things, cancel things -- >> first of all, cancelling, you know, like i cancelled on you? >> jimmy: uh-huh.

>> if somebody cancels on me, that is a celebration. there is nothing, i adore cancellations. you don't have to make up an excuse, just say you're cancelling, i'll go fantastic, i'm staying home, watching tv, fantastic. thank you. >> jimmy: i feel the same way, like in this case, i still had to do the show even though you were not here so it was not as much of a celebration for me. >> the best cancellation is somebody breaking a date, that is fantastic. >> jimmy: oh, you like it when somebody breaks a date? >> oh, yes. >> jimmy: with women? >> that is a relief, because a date is a show, that is a show. that is like doing the kimmel show. >> jimmy: you got to be entertaining. >> you got to be entertaining. it is a big show. because if i'm not entertaining, i'm in the toilet. >> jimmy: yeah, that is true. >> i got one thing going for me, the entertainment, and if that is not working i'm still bald.

but the best cancellation is getting fired. >> jimmy: do you think so? >> oh, without a doubt. >> jimmy: wait a minute. >> i love to get fired. >> jimmy: how often do you get fired? >> i have been fired. >> jimmy: i bet i have been fired a lot more than you. >> well, i don't know, but the times i was fired i couldn't believe how thrilled i was. >> jimmy: like from where? >> i said to this guy, you don't have to be sorry, don't be sorry, this is fantastic, this is great. i skipped home from 67th street to 43rd street. skipped. >> jimmy: really? >> i did, i was so thrilled. >> jimmy: actual skipping? >> actual skipping, do you ever skip, jimmy? >> jimmy: you know i try to skip sometimes, but there are people telling me that it is not skipping, i kind of do a shuffle. but i have my own version of skipping. >> a good skipper, you will get rocks thrown at you. >> jimmy: i will avoid skipping.

what did you want to be when you were a kid? what was your goal in life? >> my goal? you know, i didn't really have lofty ambition. >> jimmy: yeah. >> my mother wanted me to be a mailman. >> jimmy: she did? >> that was her dream. >> jimmy: her dream? very reasonable woman. >> that is best case scenario. my son is going to be a mailman, i know it, i know it! he just has to pass that civil service test. >> jimmy: did you ever -- were you ever interested in that? >> well, it didn't seem like a terrible thing when i examined it. >> jimmy: really? >> well, the mailman was a celebrity in my building. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> he was very popular. all the women would come down and wait for him. and they were wearing their smockers, and they were very excited. and i thought, i think this mailman is getting laid. he is doing okay. and by the way, if he was, let me just say this. he was not too particular.

that was quite a collection in that building. >> jimmy: the smocker-wearing counity. >> they were not ziegfield girls, let me tell you. >> jimmy: so you admired this man, and thought you would pattern your life after him? >> yeah, maybe i could be a mailman. and then i thought about their creed. do you know the credo? >> jimmy: something about sleet or snow. >> no sleet or snow nor gloom of night will keep these couriers from their appointed round, something like that. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i thought, yeah, maybe i can deliver in rain, you know? maybe, maybe i could deliver in snow, maybe, maybe. gloom of night? i'm not delivering in gloom of night. i'm not delivering at night at all.that is over. >> jimmy: well it worked out all

right. your parents are not with us anymore, i assume. >> no. >> jimmy: were they proud of you? >> yes, fortunately, they lived into their 90s, th me be successful, to a certain degree. >> jimmy: you're not out there delivering phone books. >> yeah, but even if i wasn't successful, on their death bed i would have made up a lie. i would have said ma, ma, they want me to run for governor. ma, ma, can you hear me? they're drafting me for governor and i just got an offer to be on broadway. i swear to you ma, it is happening, your boy is a big success, mom. >> jimmy: and then you just had to hope she died. >> exactly, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: larry david, everybody. he has a new movie on hbo. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]

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that is what is important. apologies don't have to be sincere, it is just the act of the apology itself, all that matters is if you're acting sincere. >> that is literally the only thing an apology has to be is sincere. otherwise, it is just words. >> i'm acting sincere, of course i don't believe it! >> jimmy: that is larry david!

"clear history" premieres august 10th at 9pm on hbo. you got quite a cast there. john hamm. you got michael keaton until a good 40 minutes into the film, who else is in there? >> kate hudson. >> bill hader. >> eva mendes, danny mcbride. >> jimmy: how much can we say about the plot? i mean, is it okay to give something away? what the idea of the movie is? >> i can give the idea. i play a guy who makes a terrible business decision. and i have to sort of reinvent myself. >> jimmy: and you do reinvent yourself, and that is before you reinvented yourself, maybe the other way might have been a good way to go.

>> yeah, i actually -- that was the original script, that i was going to be bald at the beginning and then reinvent myself with a wig. but i would have had to spend 80 or 90% of the movie with that wig on. >> jimmy: you took a very practical approach to this. >> yeah, nothing more uncomfortable than that wig and beard, oh, my god! >> jimmy: was it terrible? >> i'm so glad i don't have hair now, yeah, it was awful. >> jimmy: yeah, i guess that is something you need to think about when you're the one writing the movie, and you have to keep that stuff in mind. you're going to have to do it. >> yeah, no night scenes. very terrible, you don't want to film at night ever. >> jimmy: really, do you have that in mind when you -- >> oh, absolutely! yeah, you want to go home. >> jimmy: and it seemed also like you were on vacation during the whole time during the movie, is that true? >> vacation. >> jimmy: i mean it was a beautiful village. >> it was a nice setting, but i wouldn't say vacation, i don't take vacations.

>> jimmy: you don't ever take vacations? >> no, no. >> jimmy: you don't travel abroad? >> travel? >> jimmy: never, a man of your wealth. >> i can't be away from my health practice. >> jimmy: like michael jackson, you can take them everywhere. >> he traveled with his health pratictioners? >> jimmy: yes. >> how many people were on that plane? >> jimmy: i have no idea, but a lot of people. >> yes. >> jimmy: you could do this. if you're uncomfortable here, why not be uncomfortable in some beautiful country? >> well, i don't know, towards what end? >> jimmy: do you feel like you enjoy your life? >> my life? >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know, it reminds me of a song. it does.

yeah, i do. i'm -- i feel like i enjoy my life, for the most part. >> jimmy: would you categorize yourself as a friendly person? >> i would. >> jimmy: you would? >> yes. >> jimmy: because it is weird, because you know i watched "curb your enthusiasm" a lot. and i feel like i'm almost in it. and i feel like at any point this could go very, very wrong. >> yes, it could go wrong quickly. >> jimmy: okay. >> could i ask you a question? >> jimmy: go quickly. >> what do you hate more? getting shushed or getting honked? >> jimmy: by the way, that is weird, i had a long conversation about shushed, wondering if it applied to other countries, and other places, if they do it anymore, and my girlfriend was bored by the conversation, oh, she is my wife now. i guess it depends, well, if i'm in the car, i would rather be honked than shushed. if i'm in bed, i would rather be

shushed than honked, what about you? what about you? >> i much prefer the sh >> jimmy: you do? ush. >> the honk is like heart attack time. it can really throw you. hey, hey! you don't even know what you did. oh! you know? it is frightening, a honk is frightening. the shush, okay, i can live with that, i did something wrong, i talk too much. >> jimmy: can i ask you a question? how frequently do you get shushed? >> i don't get shushed as frequently as the honk, the honk is often, still, i never get used to that honk. sometimes i chase them. i dare you, i dare you. >> jimmy: and then when you pull up to them? they must laugh, yes, here he is, yelling from his car. wl, i just pull up, first of all, my windows are tinted,

so you can't see me. so i go like this. they can't see! >> jimmy: well, i enjoyed the movie, it was very funny. i liked it a lot. >> you did? >> jimmy: yeah, i did. >> really? >> jimmy: no, honestly, i did. >> honestly, you telling me the truth? >> jimmy: yeah, no, i -- >> are you just saying that because i'm here? you just saying? >> jimmy: i'm saying i thought it was a funny -- it was very funny. >> oh, that is what you thought? really? i don't -- did you really think that? really think that? >> jimmy: you see -- all right i'm about to kiss you, this is going to get really uncomfortable. larry david, everyone. 9:00 on hbo, we'll be right back with naya rivera. [ cheers and applause ] ,,

>> i'm guillermo, i'm going to see if i can survive in the woods with only my jerky and my friend, yaya. it is very important to have enough food in the woods. luckily we have enough food with the jerky. now we have to go find some food. i'm going to dig a hole so i can find an animal. >> make a big dig. >> yeah, for animal, okay. >> let me go check.

nothing. >> nothing? guillermo, come in the trees! it's delicious. it's good? >> well, we were not lucky, we didn't find the food at all. oh, guillermo, i found jerky in my pocket. >> in your back pocket? >> yeah. >> that was a big bite, no fair. >> my stomach is bigger than yours. it's mine. >> jack link's jerky, feed your wild side. ♪ we were down when times were rough ♪ ♪ but was the light that you found ♪ ♪ on the other side enough? ♪ what did i do so... [ gasps ] front row?? ohh! okay, i'm jealous. [ male announcer ] at&t introduces the nokia lumia 1020. ♪

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style. quality. price. scr guest as the singing, dancing cheerleading lesbian on "glee." on thursday, she is host of bud light music first's fifty-fifty-one concert event. please welcome naya rivera. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: well, you look great, what happened to your shirt? >> late night tv. >> jimmy: did i pronounce your name correctly? >> yes. >> jimmy: i have not met a naya before, you are my first naya, congratulations. >> thank you. >> jimmy: do you know other nayas? >> you know, it is a pretty rare name, and ever since "glee," there are more nayas, everybody is naming their girls naya. >> jimmy: did she make it up? >> no, she got my name off fantasy island. >> jimmy: no, she did not. >> and this was like way before she was even pregnant. >> jimmy: well, i don't even think you're old enough for your mother to have made it up -- >> she was watching fantasy island. and the story goes that this water goddess emerged from the water, and she was like, i am naya, and she was like, that is it.

>> jimmy: and right away did she name you or did she get pregnant specifically for that? >> she should have. no, then she had a pet parrot, and the parrot was named naya. >> jimmy: so you're naya jr.? >> naya the second. >> jimmy: good thing she wasn't watching "love boat," you could be gopher right now. you could have been president right now. are your siblings named from characters on fantasy island? >> no, but they have unusual names. >> jimmy: what are they? >> michael, but spelled mychal. he just got drafted with the oakland raiders. >> jimmy: and what, do you have a sister? >> a sister named nikalaya. >> jimmy: how does she spell her name? >> nicakala. >> jimmy: it doesn't sound unusual, but must be a real pain in the ass.

now, you're doing a concert event, which is kind of a great idea. every state in the united states has a concert going on, on the same day. >> yes, 50 states, 50 shows, one day. >> jimmy: you are the host of it. >> i am. >> jimmy: bud light put it on, for instance in arizona, miguel in california, philip philips, in colorado. ludicrus in georgia, dirk bentley, and every state has their own act. >> it is so cool. >> jimmy: how do you host something that is going on in 50 places? >> it is the magic of the internet, i will physically be at the miguel show on the internet, since it is on the internet, and we'll be streaming it, it can go back to any show at any point in time. >> jimmy: your boyfriend is a rapper. >> he is. >> jimmy: which is a terrible idea, in general. is he involved in this, as well?

>> no, he is not doing this one, unfortunately. >> jimmy: he is not. how long have you been going out? >> a while. >> jimmy: you have been going out for a while. and we have his mom on the show, did you know that? >> yes, i saw her over the weekend, and i was like, i'm doing kimmel, and she said everybody there is so nice. and i saw her clip, it is so funny. >> jimmy: she uses a lot of curse words in the clip, which we enjoy here. >> it's hysterical. >> jimmy: well, congratulations to you. and are you back to work on "glee" now? are you back to work? >> we go back on monday. >> jimmy: well, give everybody my best over there. naya rivera, everybody. bud light, fifty-fifty-one takes place. nationwide on thursday, august first. we'll be right back with music from backstreet boys. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: their album, "in a world like this" came out today. here with the title track backstreet boys. ♪

♪ you got me wide open wide open now i'm yours you found me heartbroken heartbroken on the floor ♪ ♪ became my salvation salvation through the war yeah you got me wide open wide open now i'm sure ♪ ♪ in a world like this where some back down i know we're gonna make it in a time like this ♪ ♪ when love comes round i know we gotta take it in a world like this where people fall apart ♪

♪ in a time like this when nothing comes from the heart in a world like this ♪ ♪ i've got you and now i'm free fallin' free fallin' in your eyes you got me still callin' ♪ ♪ still callin' no surprise i never knew i could love 'til the end of time yeah and now ♪ ♪ i'm free fallin' free fallin' by your side in a world like this where some back down ♪ ♪ i know we're gonna make it in a time like this when love comes round i know we gotta take it ♪ ♪ in a world like this where

people fall apart in a time like this when nothing comes ♪ ♪ from the heart in a world like this i've got you you got me ♪ ♪ wide open wide open yeah and now i'm free fallin' free fallin' ♪ ♪ in a world like this where