tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC August 6, 2013 11:35pm-12:36am PDT
11:35 pm
11:36 pm
here on this tuesday night. it's summertime in hollywood where visitors come from all over the world to experience the glamor of homeless person in a chucky costume. begging you for a dollar on the street. you know, there's a lot of that on hollywood boulevard. we thought it would be nice to give our visitor a chance to cool off tonight. in the back of the theater we've set up a big swimming pool. that's it. in front of our theater out on hollywood boulevard, we set up little cousin sal. [ cheers and applause ] this is something we do every year. and our lawyers just love it. we're looking for people willing to take their clothes off, change into one of our preown swimsuits and belly flop into our pool. now, sal, do you have anybody willing standing by? >> i do. look at this guy. you're going to like him.
11:37 pm
>> hold on a second. what's your name? >> jim espinosa. >> could you slide over for one second? i'm missing a shirt behind you. >> look at that. that's our executive producer, jill leaderman on that shirt. >> there's one left. i don't know if it fits you. it is flying off the shelves. >> where are you from? >> from bar the dina, california. >> what do you do for a living? >> i'm in high school right now. >> you're in high school. really! you seem older. how long have you been in high school? >> i'm a senior. >> are you on the extended plan? >> i don't think so. >> you don't think so. >> when do you go back to school? >> the 13. >> are you a good belly flopper? >> yes, i am. >> well, good. come on through. let's get you out of those clothes. tell a high schooler -- >> this one is even better looking. >> what's your name? >> i'm frenchy.
11:38 pm
>> frenchy, huh? all right, calm down, you animals. >> where are you from? >> i'm from italy. >> from italy. >> yes. >> what part? >> pulia. >> i was just there, as a matter of fact. >> really! >> yeah, i really was. believe it or not. >> he's lying, he's lying. >> do you have belly flopping in italy? >> no. >> you do not have belly flopping in italy. >> no. >> interesting. >> this would be your first time ever trying this. >> yeah. >> part of it is we need to get you into a bathing suit, okay? >> okay. >> very good. send her through. >> jimmy: there he is. all right. right through there just go right through that door. there you go. just push on them. give it a push. yeah, push,
11:39 pm
there you go. all right i hope that's not one of the requirements of graduation. oh, hey, al roker had a rough morning. apparently he has a show on the weather channel called "wake-up with al" which i did not know about. it is on before the "today" show. for the first time in 39 years he overschlep and missed the show. there was no weather, i guess. viewers around the country were forced to lead a list of temperature to themselves it was. a nightmare. he said the alarm on his phone didn't go off and he doesn't set a back-up alarm because he's never needed one. this never would have happened to fat al roker. fat al roker had an internal clock that let him know it was time to get up and have doughnuts. he woke up so late, towed race to the "today" show so he wouldn't miss that show, too. he barely had time to polish his head but he did make it. luckily this is only the second most embarrassing thing happened to al roker on tv. the first, being this.
11:40 pm
>> i pooped my pants. >> i don't think i'll ever get tired of that. it's very extra. oh, hi there. yes. just push on those doors. all right. >> jimmy: thing are up. all right. see, she went right through. mtv has just announce ad a new reality years business will follow the lives of adult virgins and hopefully if all goes according to plan, one of those virgins will become the next teen mom. the show doesn't have a title yet. but each episode will feature abstinent people between the ages of 18 and 25 as they try to deal with the pressures of society in their own sexual temptations. then mtv will send them to spring break to make their groinls explode or something. do we really need a show like that? isn't there already a show for adult virgins?
11:41 pm
it is called jeopardy. who else do we have out there? walter white. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> england. >>. >> jimmy: england, do you know what a belly flop is sf. >> i know what a belly flop is and everything do i is a flop. >> jimmy: maybe we're about to turn that all around. come on through and we'll get you in a swimsuit. [ applause ] >> jimmy: an international competition this year. on saturday, japan launch ad humanoid robot. they launched it toward the international space station. and the mission, the robot's mission is to keep the astronauts who live there company. by keeping them company, i mean, i'm pretty sure they mean have sex with the astronauts, well, maybe not, i guess. that's the robot. its name is kirobo. it is design to have conversations with astronauts. only 13 inches tall. why not save some money and send
11:42 pm
snooki up there. she's not doing anything, right? i wonder what they talk about. is not the number one rule of movies, don't send a robot into space because it will eventually enslave and murder everyone on the ship? look at this. hi, simon. head right there. through there. slip into something more comfortable and we'll be with you shortly. who else do we have? >> a nice young lady out there. >> jimmy: what's your name? >> darell. >> you're going to be a good belly flopper. are you good at this sort of thing? >> never did it before. >> jimmy: never trade it before. >> in may bed maybe. >> jimmy: all right. let's give it a tray in our pool. come on through. round up anyone else that los angeles flop worthy and send them through. >> jimmy: there's a kid's summer camp in largo, florida, getting
11:43 pm
some attention. the theme of the camp is the hunger game. a hunger games camp. sounds like a fun rebranding of fat camp but it's not. if you know the hunger games books or movie, you know they're about a group of kids that fate each other to the death. which makes at this time perfect place to send your kids if you think you have too many kids. dear mom and dad, camp is great. i've made a lot of friends. i killed a lot of friends. i can't wait to come home. a lot of kids are going back to school this month. my niece and nephew already went back this week. may guess is a lot of kids probably haven't started their summer reading yet. so as a public service, one of my guests has offered to help them with everything they need to do. please welcome nick offerman. nick? [ cheers and applause ] >> good evening. okay, let's begin.
11:44 pm
moby dick. a guy namedish mail is on a boat. they are looking for a white whale and they feign it. animal farm. it is like the movie babe pig in the city but it turns out communism is bad. of place and men. bottom line, don't let the big dumb guy pet your puppy or touch your wife. that is not a euphemism. the adventures of huckleberry finn. a boy and a slave go on the run and people say the n word a lot. too much if you ask me. lord of the flies. a bunch of kids get stranded on an island. the fat kid gets crushed by a boulder. sorry, spoiler alert. the fat kid gets crushed by a boulder. hamlet. hamlet dies. king lear. king lear dies. romeo and juliet. they die.
11:45 pm
basically, if it is by shakes appear, everyone in the title dies. now, that's all you need to know and you can spend the rest of your summer smoking weed and yoloing, whatever the hell that means, the end. >> thank you, nick, very educational. oh, look at this. the belly floppers are here. hi, everybody. how are you doing? go on rate through. just canada going through. yes, yes, bring your luggage. whatever you need. what's going on here? we're going to take a break. we have lots of good stuff playing. julia louis-dreyfus, nick offerman, and music from michael kiwanuka. our conservative annual belly flop tradition so come on back.
11:46 pm
11:47 pm
[ male announcer ] ever wonder why no other mouthwash feels like listerine®? because no other mouthwash works like listerine®. in your mouth, bacteria forms in layers. listerine® penetrates these layers deeper than other mouthwashes, killing bacteria all the way down to the bottom layer. so for a cleaner, healthier mouth, go with the mouthwash dentists recommend more than all others combined. #1 dentist recommended listerine®... power to your mouth™. it's been a happy union. he does laundry, and i do the cleaning. there's only two of us... how much dirt can we manufacture? more than you think. very little. [ doorbell rings ] [ lee ] let's have a look, morty. it's a sweeper. what's this? what's that? well we'll find out. we'll find out. [ lee ] it goes under all the way to the back wall. i came in under the assumption that it was clean. i've been living in a fool's paradise! oh boy... there you go... morty just summed it up. the next 44 years we'll be fine.
11:48 pm
[ female announcer ] resisting the magical taste of silky smooth dove® chocolate is difficult. but choosing which one is even harder. is difficult. like dishes that don't fit inl the top rack of the dishwasher. come into sears, i'll tell you about our one hand adjuster on our exclusive kenmore elite dishwasher. it's amazing what'll happen when tall things have the right space. also amazing, are the savings you'll find with our free rewards program. the number one appliance store is home to kenmore elite dishwashers, ranked highest in customer satisfaction. this is sears. and the food you love is serving up fantastic prizes. everything from red box movies, to a chance to win a million dollar prize on a big mac. what will you be served up this summer? ♪
11:50 pm
what will you be served up this summer? we pulled a group of confused pedestrians. we've changed them into bathing suits and they're ready to belly flops. let's get this thing going. we go to our belly flop pool and our belly flop security guard. guillermo, how is the water? have you tested it? >> nice and warm, jimmy. >> why are you not in a bathing suit, by the way? >> i'm a security guard. >> oh, forgot. you have a job to do. let's meet our esteemed panel of judges. maybe the only expert that can
11:51 pm
toss a fish into the field. please welcome aqua man. never that excited about being a part of this. next up, a "sports illustrated" swimsuit model. probably the best looking of all our judges tonight. hello! have you ever belly flopped? do you need to have a belly? >> i can't even swim, jimmy. >>. >> jimmy: we could have a drowning here tonight. in the anchor spot, he lives in a pineapple under the sea but work on hollywood boulevard taking pictures for tips. please welcome sponge bob square pants. sponge bob, what do you think of chrissy? >> i think she is a hottie. i'll teach her to swim. that's for sure. >> jimmy: we've got some chemistry between the judges here. what are you looking for in tonight's competitors? >> i'm looking for someone to sflash with, that we can have a
11:52 pm
great time, you know. >> jimmy: all right. sticking to the sponge bob skrip as well. all right. guillermo, please bring out our first flopper. our first flopper is jim. a high school student. i think he could win this thing right off the bat. in fact, you could emthis pool if you do it right. are you ready to flop? >> yes, i am. >> jimmy: now again, you may have a little disadvantage. people see a big guy and they're expecting a big, big splash. you like that, don't you? guillermo, the tables have turned. i'll strip you out of those clothes in a minute if you keep that up. guillermo, down it down, please. >> 3, 2, 1! >> jimmy: there we go, jim! that is a very strong start. let's look at the instant replay. there goes jim. he hits the water hard. unfortunately he leads with his
11:53 pm
knees but let's go to the judges. aqua man gives him a 3. chrissy with a 7. and sponge bob, also a 7. that's 23 points. let's speak to our competitor, jim. >> he'll be out of the pool in 20 minutes. >> jimmy: jim, how do you feel about your dive? >> it wasn't so good. >> jimmy: oh, it wasn't so good. i add it up wrong, too. it is only 17. i thought it was pretty good. i think you did a decent job. we'll stand by and see how the rest of the guys do. you're being towelled off. take it easy, guys. let's go back to the boards. guillermo. this is frenchy, our italian import. frenchy is here on vacation? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how long have you been in the united states? >> three days now. >> jimmy: have you participated in any belly flop competitions before tonight? >> well, i don't know. >> jimmy: you don't know.
11:54 pm
do you know what you need to do here? >> yes. >> jimmy: as big a splash as you can possibly make. all right? >> yes. >> jimmy: if your belly is red when you come out, that's extra points, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: guillermo, down it down. >> 3, 2, 1! >> jimmy: and here goes frenchy. all right. let's see that in slow motion. pretty good splash, i mean, let's see what aqua man thought. he gives her a 5. chrissy gives her an 8. chrissy, very generous. >> she made me wet. >> i want to point out that is his nose. all right. thank you, chrissy. i appreciate that. how do you feel about that dive? >> wet. >> jimmy: you feel wet.
11:55 pm
all right. very good. enjoy your hotdog and we're going to go ahead and keep going and we'll see how you did. next up, guillermo, who do we have? oh, simon. >> yeah, simon. >> jimmy: simon, here in the united states, i don't know if you have that. we have a thing called woolly willie. we have a little magnetic guy and you put hair on his -- never mind. are you ready to do this? >> i'm as ready as i'm going to be. >> jimmy: is this the strangest thing you've ever done on your vacation? >> most certainly. >> jimmy: 3, 2, 1! that was strong. [ applause ] let's look at i in slow motion. simon he let himself fall into the water and yes, he did have a pretty good splash. let's go to the experts for their take. aqua man. a 6.
11:56 pm
chrissy, a 9. you're very wet. just rub up against sponge bob. he is very absorbent. and sponge bob, a 4. you realize this isn't a dating competition, right? >> jimmy: let's total up the scores. that's a 19 for simon. simon, i think you did better than that. >> i think so. >> jimmy: enjoy some american hotdogs and i think we have to -- all right, one more. darrell, right? did you see your competition? so you know what you have to beat. are you ready? >> i am. >> jimmy: you said you cannot swim, correct? >> no, i can swim. i've just never flopped before in water. >> jimmy: all right. this will be the first time. try to lead with your stomach. that's the way to go. and guillermo, count her down. >> 3, 2, 1!
11:57 pm
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: let's see that again. wow! that's very, very strong. and aqua man -- gives her a 7. chrissy, what do you think? chrissy gives her an 8. soaking wet. and sponge bob -- why did we bring sponge bob into this? that adds up to 20. all right. let's talk -- i think you got robbed by sponge bob, i have to say. let's tabulate the final scores and declare a win we are a high score of 23, frenchy. frenchy somehow pulls it out. congratulations! i think we all know why frenchy won this competition. but well, enjoy your time hear in the united states. thank you to all our
11:58 pm
11:59 pm
12:03 am
and thick belgian chocolate. >> jimmy: tonight on the program a very funny man you know from "parks & recreation" starting tomorrow you can see him alongside jennifer aniston and jason sudeikis in the new movie "we're the millers" nick offerman is here. and then with music from this album called "home again" all the way from london michael kiwanuka from the sony stage. tomorrow night jason sudeikis will be here, from "paranoia" amber heard will be with us, and we'll have music from mayer hawthorne. and on thursday harrison ford, keri russell, and music from joan jett and the blackhearts. last month our first guest broke lucile ball's record and heart when she became the most nominated comic actress in emmy history. her new 3d animated feature "planes" opens in theaters friday, please say hello to julia louis-dreyfus.
12:04 am
[ cheers and applause ] >> good. how are you? >> jimmy: it's good to see you. >> jimmy: congratulations. >> thank you. i got married. weird, right? >> weird. >> jimmy: you said it wouldn't happen. >> and then it did. you look good. >> jimmy: how is the summer going? >> the summer is really good. just got back from montana. >> jimmy: that's what i want you can to at a about. >> i know you do. i went fly fishing. >> jimmy: really the only thing i care about in life. >> is that so? does your wife know this? >> jimmy: she knows. >> this is nice. is this your first time fly fishing? >> this is a little -- you laugh but this is hard work, right? that's a little white fish that
12:05 am
i caught. that was the first thing that i caught. that's why i'm so happy. >> jimmy: that looks like a little trout. >> it's not. it's a white fish. and then that, my friend, is a rainbow trout. >> jimmy: which is getting away from you. >> it didn't. show the next one. i gocha. >> jimmy: that's a nice trout. that's a good fish. >> that was about 17 inches. i was really excited to get that. >> jimmy: did you enjoy it? >> my god, man, i am so looked. >> jimmy: really! >> i didn't may not to -- i didn't mean that. i am in fact, what do you got? >> jimmy: i decided to bring some pictures. >> that's pretty. >> jimmy: that's a trout that i caught. >> whoa, that's a big one. where did you get that in >> jimmy: in montana. on the bitter root river. >> i was on the black -- oh-oh!
12:06 am
>> jimmy: african-american! >> what the hell -- i want toy is a black bottom river. i don't know what it was. black something river. >> jimmy: i love it. i started about six -- huey lewis taught me. >> let's just pull over for a second. how is it you're fly fishing with huey lewis? >> jimmy: because all my dreams now come true. it's a weird thing. you'll see. >> really? it will happen to me, too? >> jimmy: well, no. something will happen. it will involve you but it is one of my dreams. [ cheers and applause ] >> i just set you up. unbelievable. >> jimmy: huey lewis is a very good fly fishing teacher. he is very serious. >> he is a musician is what he really is. >> jimmy: yes and he will wake you up in the morning with a duck call very, very, very early in the morning. >> no, he won't. so he's insane. go ahead. >> jimmy: all he ever talks about is fishing which is great.
12:07 am
it is all i ever want to talk about is fishing. >> how is it that you found this out about him and because of him you became hooked? >> jimmy: i always wanted to try fly fishing and i always liked huey lewis. >> i like paul mccartney but i wouldn't think to ask him if he would take me fly fishing. >> jimmy: he wouldn't because he's a vegan. i ask everybody. >> okay. >> jimmy: but it's something that a passion that we share. >> okay. >> jimmy: we share a passion for fly fishing and huey lewis, huey and i. >> i got it. so do you take your lovely new wife on these trips? >> jimmy: she come begrudgingly -- i would not say that. she is nice and will kind of sit there, sometimes she fishes a little bit. >> yes. >> jimmy: sometimes she animals on the side of the river. most of the time she naps on the side of the river. >> so can i come? >> jimmy: absolutely you can
12:08 am
come. of course you can come. [ cheers and applause ] >> i would go fly fishing and i think my husband brad would love to come, too. so we'll come on your next vacation. >> jimmy: is brad into it? >> he loved it. >> jimmy: as long as you loved it. >> it is catch and release, right? >> jimmy: of course. >> i'm sorry, this is so -- we're really nerding out at this moment. one more question. are you in a boat going down the river or did you do it in waders standing in the river had >> jimmy: both those things. we'll float the river. it is more fun that way. >> and we'll be back on discovery channel. >> jimmy: the american outdoorsman. are you off this summer? >> i'm shooting again. we go back the beginning of -- in about a month it's a lot of back and forwards. we shoot deep in washington, d.c., and baltimore. >> jimmy: you shoot a lot of the outdoor stuff. >> yeah, yeah. it is a lot of flying back and forth. in fact i had thetraordinary ex
12:09 am
plane coming back from shooting veep very recently. >> jimmy: did this involve fishing? because i don't know if i'm interested. >> no, no, no. i don't want to bore you. >> jimmy: go ahead. >> i was flying home and i got into the plane and i was very luckily flying in first class. i sort of approached the seat. there was a gentleman sitting next to the wind over. and as i'm about to walk sort of in front of the seat to put my bag up, i -- i have an incredibly sense of nose and a sense of smell. like incredible. and i got a whiff of something, jimmy, in my life, i have never smelled anything quite like it. now, understand, i'm a mother who has dipered two children. i have been urinated on. i have been vomited on in my life. it's true. and this was so strong that i knew i had no place near this gentleman. no place. so before he was sitting down, i
12:10 am
just marched right out with my bag and i went up to the flight attendant. she was in that little kitchen area. and in, i know this is going to sound strange but we've got a problem. because i can't sit in that seat. so i'm happy to give it up. i would love to sit in coach. put never in the way back. she said i'll see what we can. do of course, the flight is completely booked. totally booked. there's not a seat. i said if s there any way i can sit in your seat. like that little seat that pulls out. because i can't -- it is a six-hour flight, man, and this is bad news there. so she says, oh, she really understood. it was foul. so she said, she goes up to a woman who is in front, sitting in front of me. and she said would you mind? and she lied a little bit. well, we have a passenger who would really prefer to sit in the window. would you mind -- yeah. would you mind switching into the aisle seat? the woman was very nice and unknowing says, oh, sure,
12:11 am
absolutely no problem. but i have to tell you something. it was like every man for himself. i know it is mean. but no way. so i sat in front. the woman sitting next to me, it was still bad. the woman sitting next to me had a scarf and she kept going -- right? every time the flight attendants went by, it was like -- so this was for six hours. i'm thinking how could this happen? how could this man go through life? does he not shower? >> jimmy: horrible. >> horrible, right? he needs a partner. he needs somebody to tell him these things. so we're getting off the flight. i'm very sheepishly avoiding looking at the woman who took the bad seat. we're getting off the plane. and [ bleep ] sorry for swearing. it is this, all of a sudden, this woman comes out from way back in coach to join her husband. he has a wife. but she won't even sit next to
12:12 am
him. yeah. >> jimmy: she preferred to sit in coach? >> in the way back in coach. she's not going near that thing. >> jimmy: there are a lot of layers for that story. i think you might go to hell for that story. >> me or him? >> jimmy: you were sitting right next to him. julia louis-dreyfus. we'll be right back. [ sally ] my antidepressant worked hard to help with my depression. but sometimes, i still struggled to get going, even get through the day. so i was honest with my doctor. i told her i'd been feeling stuck for a long time. she said that for some people, an antidepressant alone only helps so much and suggested we add abilify (aripiprazole). she said that by taking both, some people had symptom improvement as early as 1 to 2 weeks. i wish i'd talked to my doctor sooner. [ female announcer ] abilify is not for everyone. call your doctor if your depression worsens or you have unusual changes in behavior,
12:13 am
or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens and young adults. elderly dementia patients taking abilify have an increased risk of death or stroke. call your doctor if you have high fever, stiff muscles and confusion to address a possible life-threatening condition. or if you have uncontrollable muscle movements, as these could become permanent. high blood sugar has been reported with abilify and medicines like it and in extreme cases can lead to coma or death. other risks include increased cholesterol, weight gain, decreases in white blood cells, which can be serious, dizziness on standing, seizures, trouble swallowing, and impaired judgment or motor skills. [ sally ] since adding abilify, i feel better. abilify and my antidepressant make a pretty good team. [ female announcer ] ask your doctor about a free trial of abilify and go to addabilify.com. [ female announcer ] resisting the magical taste of silky smooth dove® chocolate is difficult. but choosing which one is even harder.
12:14 am
♪ [ male announcer ] for the billions of smartphone photographers... ♪ ...the first smartphone to put the camera first. meet the windows phone nokia lumia 1020. with 41 megapixels and reinvented zoom, nothing else comes close. ♪ well, it's the only place i can get my kids arizona jeans, which means they can find the perfect pair that fits great... and it's affordable... oh, and it's got all the other brands they have to have. i've been told this stuff can make or break your entire year. but i'm not even going to pretend to know what "cool" is. i'll just take 'em to the sales and leave the rest to them. [ female announcer ] select arizona jeans on sale now. style. quality. price. now at jcpenney.
12:15 am
♪ with a sub and a drink, it's the $4 lunch ♪ ♪ anytime, all day ♪ made the way you say ♪ get the $4 lunch at subway [ male announcer ] lunchtime is now anytime with the new subway $4 lunch. because all day, every day you can enjoy plenty of your favorite six-inch subs like the spicy italian or meatball marinara plus a 21 oz. drink. that's the $4 lunch only at subway. ♪ at subway
12:16 am
♪ [ male announcer ] it's a golden opportunity to discover the heart-pounding exhilaration beyond the engineering. ♪ come to the golden opportunity sales event to experience the precision handling of the lexus performance vehicles, including the gs and all-new is. ♪ this is the pursuit of perfection. feel like you're growing older... waiting to look younger? don't wait. [ female announcer ] get younger looking skin fast. with new olay regenerist micro-sculpting cream. the next generation with 2 new anti-aging ingredients. it penetrates rapidly. visible wrinkle results start day 1. and you'll see younger looking skin before you even finish one jar. ♪ new olay regenerist. the wait is over.
12:18 am
how much does a snow plow weigh? >> you are the snow plow, oi? >> i am the ice? >> yes. it sounds better in spanish. >> why don't you go plow yourself. >> she is like an angel. >> jimmy: that's the new disney movie. julia louis-dreyfus is here. >> i may a french canadian pink plane. >> jimmy: how does the canadian play in there? it seemed french. >> i tried to work on a french canadian accent but it sounded like a bad french accent. and it is like americanized french. so i sort of morphed it more to
12:19 am
french. so i like to call it frenchish. >> jimmy: she won the belly flop contest tonight. congratulations. in your intro, you are now the most nominated comic actress in history. >> thank you. >> jimmy: that's a very big deal. >> that is big a deal. i wonder if they counted right but i won't ask for a recount. >> jimmy: did you go look it up to see if it is correct? >> no. i'm pretty sure it's not so i'm going to let it lie. >> jimmy: lucille ball, i don't think she had any competition. >> it has always been my desire to avenge lucille ball and i have now done it. >> jimmy: on veep, i think it was the last episode of the season. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: this happen. >> respect! you know the aretha franklin
12:20 am
song? >> yellow, yellow, duchess is down. go! >> jimmy: i love that show. i think it is great. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: i love watching people walk into glass. one of my favorite things. >> that was so much fun to do. they were going to get a stunt double to do it but i really wanted to do it. and it was quite complicated to do that tiny piece of footage took six hours. >> jimmy: really! >> it really did. there was tempered glass, plexiglass, fake rubber glass so i had to bang the plexi. they had to shoot off squibs to make it break. then there were guys above with rubber glass to fall on top of me. it was super fun. >> jimmy: they make everything very colonel repmplicated. >> that's how show business works. >> jimmy: that's how it works.
12:21 am
>> it was so much fun. i brought you this little, this glass from the set. >> jimmy: this is fake glass? >> you tell me. >> jimmy: oh, it is. it is made of rubber. so you can actually eat it although you would choke to death if you did. >> it is toxic. i brought it back for my kids because i thought it was cool looking. >> jimmy: kids love glass. this is a cool thing to throw around the carpet. >> seriously, a great gag. >> jimmy: thank you for the broken glass. >> you're welcome! >> jimmy: more with julia louis-dreyfus when we come back. "planes" opens in theaters in 3d friday. we'll be right back with nick offerman.
12:23 am
when her sister dumped me. grandpa was my dad a good athlete? no. oh dad, you remember my friend alex? yeah. the one that had the work done... good to see you. where do we go when we die? the ground. who's your girlfriend? his name is chad. and that's where babies come from. [ male announcer ] sometimes being too transparent can be a bad thing. this looks good! [ male announcer ] but not with the oscar mayer deli fresh clear pack. it's what you see is what you get food. it's oscar mayer. a small amount evaporates. this is the angel's share gone forever. but some liquid stays trapped, deep inside the wood. this is the devil's cut, and we've found a way to extract it. a richer, full-flavored bourbon. devil's cut from jim beam.
12:24 am
people have been daring them to clean up tough messes. my fans think a paper towel can't handle this. ♪ that is tough when wet. [ peggy ] grab viva and break the rules on all your tough messes. but when you have a picky eater... won't touch this. it can be a bit of a dance. ♪ won't touch this. ♪ won't touch -- stop. eggo time. [ female announcer ] eggo waffles can win over the pickiest of eaters so everyone can enjoy breakfast...together. can't touch this. ♪ [ girl ] l'eggo my eggo™.
12:25 am
i don't do any cleaning. i make dirt. ♪ i'm not big enough or strong enough for this. there should be some way to make it easier. [ doorbell rings ] [ morty ] here's a box, babe. open it up. oh my goodness! what is a wetjet? some kind of a mopping device. there's a lot of dirt on here. morty, look at how easy it is. it's almost like dancing. [ both humming ] this is called the swiffer dance. [ both humming ] olive garden's new lunch combinations. choose from calzones and sandwiches. like our new signature meatball sandwich. served with unlimited soup or salad. so many lunch combinations starting at $6.99. when you go olive garden!
12:26 am
12:27 am
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you doing? how is your summer going so far? have you done any fishing? >> did i do some fishing with my family. we regularly catch large fish. i don't need to bring you pictures. we also breathe oxygen and consume sandwiches. i'm not going to brag about that either. >> jimmy: i heard your lovely wife megan, i heard you, what did you do? you got reengaged? >> we took a trip, yeah, a really wonderful vacation through europe, thanning in england where we originally got engaged about 12 years ago.
12:28 am
we went back to the same spot where we got engaged and i proposed to her again. >> jimmy: why? why would you do that? >> it's not every day we get back there. i like a little insurance. i mean -- you've seen megan. and you know -- look at me. >> jimmy: make the effort. put your best foot forward. >> i look in the mirror sometimes. double down. >> jimmy: did you have to buy another ring when you do something like that? >> no. i was just very poetic about it. >> jimmy: there will be another wedding? >> that's a good question. i'm willing to go through whatever ceremony is necessary to guarantee a second honeymoon. >> jimmy: oh, i see. that's a good way of looking at it. you're writing a book now, i understand. >> i finished writing it, thankfully. >> jimmy: you finished it. >> it's coming out october 1st. it is called paddling your own
12:29 am
canoe. one man's fundamentals for delicious living. >> jimmy: i like that. what are some of the fundamentals? >> it is full of fundamentals. some cautionary tales in different parts of my life. there is one funny story about when i was in college, in theater school and my friends were teaching me to smoke pot for the first time. it was very exciting. very delightful. a diversion. and one of the thing you begin to learn is everything looks beautiful. and you start to think, maybe i should smoke pot and go to the park. and at the time, i was in a production of man of la mantra with this beautiful old spanish dungeon set. and i thought, that's so cool looking. it would be great to smoke pot and go be in the musical. cheech and chong were right. this is terrific. i feel great.
12:30 am
>> jimmy: it's not really a performance enhancing drug though. >> no. i didn't think to ask anyone if it was a good idea. i tried a little bit. and you know, when you start smoking pot, you often are paranoid that people are looking at you and that they know that you're intoxicated. well, when you're on the stage of an opera, people are indeed at you. they have paid good money to look at you. so i had to keep -- i had to keep my cool. and everything, i was okay. i didn't have too big of a part. but then about halfway through the part i remembered aid big fight scene. and sancho hits me upside the head with his guitar and i would do this halfback flip thing. i was thinking, can i to that under the influence of this evil devil weed? i kind of psyched myself out. i got to the fight and he did the move. and i was so torkd up that i
12:31 am
overcompensated and did some kind of weird spinning 1 1/2 and landed on my temple and broke my head open. and i got up. fortunately i was playing the village idiot so no one really noticed. but i had a trickle of blood going down my face. then i had to play another role. they stake mustache on me and i'm a spanish conquistador and i come back in to take some of the whores away. and they ripple through the audience. he has the same trickle of blood going down -- somehow i stumbled through show and i was rushed off to the clinic afterwards to see how bad my concussion was. i'm lucky. i have a really thick head. the place to take a blow for me is in the head. >> jimmy: in the head. >> the doctor sent me home. he said i was okay and he said next time perhaps try a cup of coffee. >> jimmy: you told him what you
12:32 am
did. >> oh, sure. >> jimmy: so honesty is one of the fundamentals then. >> it is. don't use barbituates before going on stage. and be honest, you know? >> jimmy: it just seems like excellent advice. you're in this movie, "we're the millers." i watched it and you're very funny in it. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i felt like what almost stole the show was this enormous mug that you carry throughout. >> i think that was called the big bubba. >> jimmy: are these commercially available? >> i think walmart has them out front by the cash register. >> jimmy: you should include one of these with every book. that is a fantastic look right there. >> you're kind of sneaking up on my secret technique. whether it is a mug or a mustache. i just find a funny prop and stand behind it. in fact that mug is now with caa. it has changed its number. it is not returning my calls.
12:33 am
>> jimmy: we have a clip from the film. does it need to be set up in any way? >> let's see. jason sued achis are pretending to be a sneaky clean family sneaking an rv full of weed across the mexico an border and they run into katherine and myself who are a squeaky clean family and we end up pairing up with them for a while. >> david and rose miller here. >> pleased to make your acquaintance. >> don, my smoldering wife edith. >> lane one, please pull forward. >> what is this? you have a baby! i love babies! >> oh, look at that boy! >> what is that beautiful little baby's name? >> this is our little -- >> lebron.
12:34 am
398 Views
IN COLLECTIONS
KGO (ABC)Uploaded by TV Archive on
![](http://athena.archive.org/0.gif?kind=track_js&track_js_case=control&cache_bust=2126644624)