>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, ashton kutcher -- melanie griffith -- and music from big sean -- with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. welcome to the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming.

okay, good, i'm glad -- glad, because i was worried there might be a letdown. we had quite a night last night. oprah winfrey was here, you're familiar with her work? she swooped down from heaven last night. there's still a rainbow over the theater. it won't go away. there was a rainbow over our theater all night. have you ever seen a rainbow at night? happens everywhere she goes. at one point while i was interviewing her last night oprah stopped the show, she picked a random woman from the audience and gave her a car. the woman's name is brittany, she turns out to be a grad student from iowa. she was there visiting -- she was here in town visiting her parents. she did a funny thing when she got home. instead of telling her parents that oprah pulled her on stage and gave her a car, she had them watch the show with her. and her boyfriend videotaped it secretly. there she is watching the show, brittany's mom and dad, and mom -- >> brittany!

>> jimmy: mom got excited almost immediately. [ laughter ] oh, look at that devil cat there, too. and by the way, i just want to say, i like that her dad had no response at all. no reaction. as if oprah gives his daughter a car all the time. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, brittany and her mom and dad live now, via skype, hi, guys. how are you doing? >> hi. >> jimmy: jean, you seemed very excited to see brittany win, right? >> oh, i was shocked. it was crazy. >> jimmy: but you didn't move an inch. >> well, i was shocked internally. >> jimmy: i see. all right. that makes sense. and what's going on with that demonic cat in the house there? >> she is very sketchy.

>> jimmy: brittany, you seemed shocked, stunned, i spoke to you after the show. have you absorbed this yet? >> no, not really, it is all over facebook. i'm getting e-mails and phone calls. >> jimmy: you know, oprah actually built that car for you. >> that is really special, that is awesome. >> jimmy: do you have a car already? >> i do, i have a truck and it will be paid off next month. >> jimmy: oh, nice, what are you going to do with that? >> i think i'm going to save it for my cousin who is in japan, in the navy, for when he gets back home. >> jimmy: oh, that's great. that's excellent. [ cheers and applause ] when do you go back to college? >> on saturday. >> jimmy: well, brittany, i would like you to think of oprah while you drive, and no texting while driving, oprah hates that.

>> thank you. >> jimmy: all right, thank you, guys. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: get to see jordan's family, brittany, steve and jean -- i think it takes a lot to get steve excited. pretty good wedding videographer. i guess he wanted to try something different. so he attached a video camera to a remote controlled helicopter to -- i don't know why he did this. but here is how it turned out. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there is the guy who did it, upside down. now the bride has something borrowed and something black and blue. that's how they got bin laden, by the way. google has made an unfortunate decision. they have a dictionary, so if you search a word, somebody noticed they added the word

literally. the first word is correct, in a literal manner or exactly. so if i say i literally am hosting a tv show, i am. but literally is one of the most abused words in the dictionary. my agent, he will say baby i watched the show last night, i literally died laughing. i literally -- i am literally calling you from the grave right now. literally, they buried me with cell phone so they could call you. so google because of people like this, actually added an incorrect definition to the word. now, literally, according to them, used to acknowledge that something is not literally true but is used for emphasis.

so literally now means not literally. which is literally the dumbest thing i have ever heard. baby, i literally jumped out of my chair. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: literally hit my head on the roof. happy birthday, baby -- guillermo, how do you explain how you use the word "literally"? >> litiker -- >> jimmy: what is that? sounds like a detective show. >> i know. >> jimmy: tonight, on litiker! litiker goes after a hooker! litiker. >> i don't know how to use it. >> jimmy: i know you don't. elsewhere on the internet i'm happy to report that prince just started tweeting. he is literally tweeting now. this is the first thing prince tweeted. he tweeted "prince's first tweet. testing, one, two." this is his second tweet, "prince's second tweet," all caps. and for a third tweet he posted this picture of his salad. and then the doves started to cry.

that is -- i mean he -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're going to have a good night tonight. ashton kutcher and melanie griffith are here tonight. music tonight from big sean, you know, before you do rap, they make you decide if you're big or little. why is it that rappers are always big or little? any of them ever come in medium? if you have time warner cable and live in new york, l.a. or dallas, you know that cbs and showtime, because of a financial dispute, have been blocked from their television. so if you're wondering what happened during the last three minutes of "the mentalist," the answer is nothing. talks between time warner and cbs have come to a standstill. so the company, the cable. removed cbs and showtime from their line-up. now if you want to see murder, i guess you have to go outside. there's even a class-action lawsuit being filed to fight this. and i hope to get this figured out soon because without cbs to distract them your grandparents

will eventually start having sex again. and ain't nobody got time for that. nochbs. no offense. this is funny. this video is from new zealand, which -- new zealand is a strange and fascinating land where every adult male commands his own personal army of sheep. >> what do you want? >> baaaaaa. >> what do you want? >> baaaaaa. >> how do you want? >> baaaaaaaa. >> who's your daddy! >> baaaa. >> jimmy: if that guy ever runs for president of sheep he will definitely win. there's a big event going on this weekend in seattle. it's called hempfest. it's a big outdoor festival where people -- you know what they do. they smoke pot and sit too close to the speakers. they started 22 years ago when a guy looked over at his roommate

and said you know what would be awesome? and for once it actually was an awesome idea. this year's festival is a three-day event. 85,000 people will come through. and traditionally, the police in seattle would look the other way. but now marijuana is legal in washington state. so this year the police are actually handing out bags of doritos, for real. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i appreciate the applause, but the police are putting labels on a thousand bags of doritos, asking people to check out a marijuana question and answer page on their website. because if there is one thing you can count on stoners to do, it is to remember to look something up later. sergeant whitcomb with the seattle p.d. said i think it's going to be a lot of fun. he is probably right. how freaked out do you think a stoner would be when a cop hands him a bag of doritos? a bag of cool ranch paranoia.

and one more thing. this is important. it's thursday night. we have a tradition here. it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." enjoy. >> a federal judge ruled today that the nation's largest police force singled out blacks and hispanics in a tactic that is called stop, question and [ bleep ]. >> stop and [ bleep ] for those people who don't know, police can stop anyone on the street, [ bleep ] them. >> if you give me the chance, i will [ bleep ] you and your family every single time. >> we know now that it is wrong to put a [ bleep ] up your [ bleep ]. >> at one point, before i started [ bleep ] spider-man, i turned my back and said itsy-bitsy spider went up the water spout. >> for getting back together. don says when monkeys [ bleep ] out of my ass. so i don't think monkeys are going to [ bleep ] out of his

ass. >> option number two, i'm going to [ bleep ] a live cow. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're going to take a break, but when we come back guillermo and i are going to visit a nail salon to get advice on marriage. plus, ashton kutcher, melanie griffith, and music from big sean, too. so stick around. >> portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by sony. live beyond definition with sony 4k ultra hdtv. didn't phone it in. we started at the beginning. we did our homework. we focus grouped. and we focus grouped the focus groups. then we brought in all the carriers and all the phones,

and we decided when you stop loving this, you should be able to trade it in for a gift card. we didn't just make a change, we made a better way to buy mobile. here's your gift card. customer: oh, thanks very much. blue shirt: nice choice. vo: get up to $200 when you trade in any working phone. vo: only at best buy. now features the new honey pepper grill. he could...go... all...the...way! he could...get... out of the way? my bad. kick off game day in the neighborhood with one app, two entrees for only twenty bucks. see you tomorrow. try head & shoulders for men. you can reach polamalu levels of flake-free scalp and hairness. check it. ♪ seven benefits every bottle. [ male announcer ] head & shoulders for men. seven benefits every bottle. even when you don't now yhave time for a break break with new kit kat minis. poppable, bite-sized minis that let you make break time anytime.

when your allergies start, doctors recommend taking one non-drowsy claritin every day during your allergy season for continuous relief. 18 days! 12 days! 24 days of continuous relief. live claritin clear. every day. license and registration please. what's this? uhh, it's my geico insurance id card, sir. it's digital, uh, pretty cool right? maybe. you know why i pulled you over today? because i'm a pig driving a convertible? tail light's out.. fix it. digital insurance id cards. just a click away with the geico mobile app.

land of the free and home of the mouth watering ball park frank. made with 100% angus beef and just a dash of democracy. ball park franks, so american you can taste it.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, ashton kutcher and melanie griffith and big sean are on the way. but before that i got married a little over a month ago. still going strong, by the way. [ cheers and applause ] but i'm going to be wise because i'll be honest, i've been married one time before and it didn't work out. to talk to women about what it takes to maintain a successful relationship. and there are always a lot of women at the nail salon across

the street. so i grabbed my friend, guillermo, who's also married. we held hands and crossed the street to get marriage advice and mani-pedis too. ♪ >> diamond nails and spa. classy. >> yeah. hi, how are you? >> jimmy: hello. hello. >> how can i help you today? >> jimmy: well, we're here to get our nails done, and we're also here to ask some questions about women. >> sure. let's walk this way. >> jimmy: wow, it's beautiful. >> hi. >> jimmy: hello. >> a lot of beautiful ladies. ♪ you know, this is not too big in the latino community. >> jimmy: why not? >> i think it's because we like -- we think like macho, macho men. it's only for ladies. >> jimmy: but that's the reason we're here, actually-s because we knew there would be a lot of ladies here. and i just got married. guillermo, how long have you been married? >> 12 years. >> jimmy: are you married? >> yes, i'm married. >> jimmy: are you all married?

>> i'm divorced. >> jimmy: divorced? all right. let me ask, what does your husband do that makes you angry? >> when he ignores me. >> jimmy: when he ignores you? how about you? >> when he don't help me do in the home, work in the home. >> jimmy: when he doesn't help around the house. >> yes. >> jimmy: he doesn't help around the house? >> he works outside, okay, anything in the home, he thinks that is what the woman do, not the man do. >> jimmy: oh, he says that's the what the woman do? and what do you say to that? >> i say the next time i marry again i don't want to marry with asian, i want to marry with american. >> jimmy: oh, really? so this is a thing in the asian culture, the men don't help around the house, huh? >> no, they don't do housework. >> jimmy: they don't do housework? why am i not asian? guillermo, do you have any questions? >> i have a question for her. how do you keep the passion in the marriage? >> jimmy: she's divorced, guillermo.

>> i just think take them on little vacation orz cook them dinner. cook them dinner and give them a massage. >> jimmy: do you ever give your wife a massage? >> no. >> it's good. it usually ends well. >> oh. >> jimmy: by the way, what do you think of my feet? >> normal. not bad. >> jimmy: normal? guillermo, how are your feet? >> tickling. >> jimmy: it's tickling? here's a question. some older people i've noticed, they will sleep in separate beds. do you think a husband and wife should sleep in two beds or in one bed? >> one. >> me, two beds. >> jimmy: how long have you been doing that? >> about 10, 15 years. >> jimmy: that long? why do you sleep in separate beds? >> because my husband is a little noisy. >> jimmy: oh, the noise, but are you sleeping right next to him or are you sleeping in a different room? >> different room. >> jimmy: oh, really? so you're essentially roommates. >> what happens if your husband wants to make love? he has to call you on the cell

phone? come to the room. >> jimmy: yeah, how does that work? >> oh, he comes in. and after he goes back. >> jimmy: so like you see him in the doorway. it's like, uh-oh. ♪ >> jimmy: i've never had a pedicure before. >> oh, so you do your pedicure by yourself? >> jimmy: yeah. >> or your wife takes care of it for you? >> jimmy: no. i do it by myself. what am i, a horse? hey, you know, maybe you guys can help me. help me send a romantic text to my wife. what should i say? >> hi, honey, look at my toe. >> jimmy: oh, maybe i'll take a picture of it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay. hi, honey. look at my toe. it auto-corrected it to look at my rod. hi, honey. look at my toe? that's all? >> we can do this together sometime. >> jimmy: now you're just trying to drum up business.

i'm trying -- now she said i'm going to the annul salon. in other words, she wants to get the marriage annulled. it's kind of a pun. i'm going to tell her her joke bombed. your joke bombed. do you think wives want to talk more than the husbands want to talk? >> i don't think they want to talk, i think they want to complain and boss us around. >> jimmy: especially your wife, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: well, i don't think we've learned anything here. do you have slippers for me? >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay, good. well, thank you guys, great. do you want a picture to hang on the wall here at the shop? >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: should i sign it? >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay. dear ladies, thank you. stay cool. love, queen. it's a picture of queen latifah.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the show melanie griffith is here. music from big sean. we'll be right back with the number one ashton in the world, ashton kutcher. [ cheers and applause ] ,, [ female announcer ] question -- do you enjoy going to the bathroom? ha...i can't believe you just asked me that. enjoy? hmm, that's kind of a funny way to put it. well, they don't call it relieving yourself for nothing. i guess i enjoy the peace and quiet. sometimes, i like to bring a book. well, come to think of it, i do enjoy texting on the toilet. it is five minutes of me time. maybe i do enjoy going to the bathroom. and you know what? the bath tissue makes all the difference. [ female announcer ] we all go. why not enjoy the go with charmin? i'm gonna grab some charmin and go right now. 'scuse me. we've just topped our quarter pounder

with even more bold new taste. you love bacon. we added thick-cut, applewood bacon to our new quarter pounder blt. now more than ever, there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's.

shhhhh! in our day, we didn't have u-verse high speed internet. yeah, our babysitter didn't have a million ways to serve mom up on a silver platter. we had to count sheep to fall asleep. and i always worried that i was creating an overcrowded sheep farm. in my head... never looked like that farmer took proper care of those sheep. too much? a little. [ male announcer ] connect all your wi-fi-enabled devices with u-verse high speed internet. rethink possible.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. tonight on the program melanie griffith is with us. and then his new cd comes out august 27th. it's called "hall of fame." big sean from the sony outdoor stage. our first guest this evening is an actor, producer, and the social butterfly of social media. he plays steve jobs in the new movie "jobs," which opens in theaters tomorrow. please welcome the artist formerly known as kelso, ashton kutcher. [ cheers and applause ]

it's very good to see you. hey. i like that hat. >> thanks, man. >> jimmy: are you a fly fisherman? >> i am a fly fisherman. >> jimmy: ah. as am i. i'm now distracted by your fly fishing hat. >> well, you know, it's like the fancy -- you won't say it out loud because the sponsors would get upset. >> jimmy: show it. maybe they'll send sme something. >> yeah, i like me some fly fishing. >> jimmy: i didn't realize that. especially a guy as busy as you are. in fact, we talked about it today. all these different things you're involved in besides acting. you've got your own venture capital firm, a group you put together to invest money in different technologies and businesses. >> yeah, a buddy of mine and i put together a fund basically that we manage some of our money and some other people's money and we invest in early stage startup technology companies. >> jimmy: so people come to you, and they say i have an idea and

we'd like you to hear the idea and then you'll sit there and decide whether to give them money or not? >> kind of like that. yeah. it's a little like "shark tank" kind of. but it's usually like tech -- specifically -- specifically we invest in consumer-facing technology. so mostly software companies, a couple of hardware companies. >> jimmy: are there companies we would know of that you invested in? >> yeah. well, like foursquare was one of our first angel investments. i invested in the company square, which is a payments processing company. apparently people don't know. but now you do. [ cheers and applause ] there was spotify. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. hair b & b. flipboard. soundcloud. >> jimmy: wow, so you're like a zillionaire. by the way, you're taking this -- >> a lot of other people's money and a little bit of mine. >> jimmy: okay. you're taking the role of studying to play steve jobs very, very seriously. i mean, even to the point where you're --

>> it was actually just a convergence of my craft and my interest. i was already doing that and then this role came along. >> jimmy: as a kid, were you interested in gadgets and electronics and that kind of stuff? >> yeah. i had like a little frequency radio kit that i put together -- >> jimmy: oh, you did? >> and then i had like a chemistry set. i liked those little like kit things. i think the thing that really got me into this stuff was i had a neighbor who lived behind me this old boy named harry billings. and he was an inventor. and i used to go to his house and watch johnny carson with him every night. we would just sit there. and he'd tell me stories about things he had built or was building. and he told me this story. he actually invented the yo-yo. >> jimmy: what? >> yeah. which is kind of crazy. the duncan tinker toy company had a bunch of leftover spare parts on this particular tinker toy that they built. so they sent it out to all these kids and said if you can invent something with this and send it in we'll pay you. you know, and you'll have this

invention. so he invented the yo-yo and sent it in and sold the patent to duncan for $100. >> jimmy: oh, wow. was he a bitter man? >> no, he was actually a great -- you know, he then went on to build like this little steam engine that he sold to ge and like some different components and things. but he was always this guy. like his house was all tricked out. like the doors had lights on them to tell if you another door was open. that stuff always kind of inspired me. and i always wanted to create those kinds of efficiencies in my life. and then i started using twitter and it got really, really successful and i realized that i may have had something to do with helping them be a little bit successful. >> jimmy: definitely. i became aware of it because of you. >> but i didn't get anything. >> jimmy: i did. >> i didn't get anything from it. so i was like well if i'm going to do that again i'll invest in the company. so i started to invest in things that i found to be really, really useful. that i was using all the time. and luckily they let me invest and i have learned a lot about technology from them. >> jimmy: this thing i heard

about where speaking of efficiency where you tried to cut out any wasteful time in your day. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how do you do that? >> you know, there's just little things that you can do. like i have my clothes set up in my closet so that they're lined up in the closet so that as i get dressed it's like i always get dressed the exact same way every day. so they're lined up. i open this drawer in this thing and i move down and then i get my pants and i get my socks i like to put on next and then my shirt. but it's all lined. you p so it's boom, boom, boom. i can get out of my house and to work in 12 minutes in the morning. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's unbelievable. and kind of crazy in a way. >> it's a little crazy, but then like sometimes things happen that like -- those kinds of things all over the place. >> jimmy: does that upset you -- does it throw you off? >> i'm a little ocd about it. >> jimmy: yeah, sounds like you are. >> like when they started putting football on thursdays. they just blew it. because i'm like -- everything is to make it so i have sunday off so i can just watch football. so everything i try to do so i

have one day, sunday, it's off, i can just watch football, that's it. and then they started to do the thursday games, which completely threw off my fantasy football league. >> jimmy: wait a minute, you're a guy who's interested in saving time and you play fantasy football? >> yeah. >> jimmy: the biggest time suck of anything. [ applause ] >> i actually have a member of my staff that is dedicated to researching it out. i mean, i have to analyze the research, but -- >> jimmy: at that point it is not a fantasy anymore. >> but we're working on it together. by the way, i was in last last year, guys. it's not like i'm winning. yeah, so -- you know the thursday game, you don't know whether the guy is going to be injured or not injured and everything is not updated. so then you put your team in and you get this thursday game that throws everything off for the whole weekend. >> jimmy: well, maybe buy the league and you can change things around. ashton kutcher is here. his new movie is called "jobs."

we'll be right back. >> the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony. yeah. my first. congratulations. your applewood pulled pork with extra pickles sir. [ male announcer ] new subway applewood pulled pork. the sweet and smoky flavor you love. subway. eat fresh. [ camera shutter snaps ] the only thing anyone really cares about is that first day. everyone will be stylin' their faves.

love that! but i'll be bringing it every day, 'cause i went to jcpenney. i know, right? check these out. they even have them in my signature color. that's what i'm talking about. they have so much great stuff. oh, sweet! anyway, what's your first day strategy? [ female announcer ] come find your first day look at jcpenney. anyway, what's your first day strategy? maybe smarter than we know. ♪ ♪ so they deserve new fresh step scoopable litter. it eliminates odors better than ever. thanks to carbon and added plant extracts. it's the smart litter your smart cat deserves. and try new fresh step triple action odor control. [ beeping ] ♪ [ male announcer ] we don't just certify our pre-owned vehicles.

we inspect, analyze and recondition each one, until it's nothing short of a genuine certified pre-owned... mercedes-benz for the next new owner. ♪ hurry in to your authorized mercedes-benz dealer for 1.99% financing during our certified pre-owned sales event through september 3rd. [ female announcer ] what if breakfast was set free? ♪ where might it take you? ♪ where might you go? ♪ introducing kellogg's® to go. ♪ the power of protein and fiber all bottled up in a delicious breakfast shake. get up -- and go. kellogg's®. from great starts come great things. the next powerful storm is going to hit... but it will... that's why there's a new duracell battery.

introducing duracell quantum. with its high density core, it's a quantum leap in battery power. the next storm is out there. but so are the heroes. so we're giving a million duracell quantum to first responders everywhere. power. in the hands of the most powerful. duracell. trusted everywhere.

power. in the hands of the most powerful. if we're going to do this thing, we need to come up with a name. >> i know. >> something catchy. >> i've been thinking about it. >> electric. i feel like -- i don't know. what about enterprise computers? >> no. no star trek names. i will drive this car right off this road. >> fine, fine, fine.

>> i will run the car right off the road. >> please, calm down, seriously. okay, nothing trekky, gees. >> we need something people will relate to, you know? it needs to be something that you see and you're just like, man, i've just got to have it. apple. >> excuse me? >> apple like the fruit? >> the fruit of creation. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is ashton kutcher. a young steve jobs. and i don't want to ruin the movie, but they did wind up naming it apple. they did wind up naming it apple. >> yeah, the company, they named it apple and they actually ended up being relatively successful. >> jimmy: yeah, they did. well, the movie came out great, i thought it was a lot of fun to watch. you guys were in like the actual garage that he -- in his parents' house where he invented the apple computer. >> yeah. we shot in the actual garage. and i got there and thought i

was going to have like this ahh moment where i was going to feel the energy of apple. you know. but it really wasn't that. it was just a garage. but there was something about the powerful about the fact that it was just a garage because it reminded me of the garage that i had when i was a kid. and the house was just a very modest house. and it made me realize that they were just two guys who had a friendship and an idea and a willingness and passion for work. and they ended up building the most powerful company in the world from this garage. and i think a lot of people look at life and they wait for somebody to hand them that big break that's going to be the next big thing that's going to make them do the thing. and really it's not about that. it's about using what you have and using your resourcefulness and using your friendships and your relationships to inspire you to build something impactful. >> jimmy: i feel like a real loser right now, i have to tell you. guillermo, you and i are going

to build something, and not just a burrito. we're going to build something. >> someday. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, great work in the movie. it's called "jobs." it opens tomorrow. ashton kutcher, everybody. we'll be right back with melanie griffith. i'm guillermo. i'm going to see if i can survive in the woods with only my lean jerky and my friend yahya. we're here in the woods alone and it's getting cold and dark. >> what should we do? >> we should make fire. >> okay. let's go! >> let's go. >> yahya, this is impossible. >> i'm done already. let's light it up. >> okay.

>> yahya, i'm getting tired. maybe we should go to sleep. >> let's go to sleep. >> we'll try the fire tomorrow morning. >> yahya. >> yeah. >> you know in the book it says if you can't make fire use body heat to stay warm. >> okay. >> all right. let's go to sleep. >> let's go. >> are you sleeping yet? >> no. >> you want to hear a story? >> yeah. >> it's about the chupacabra. every year the chupacabra comes and hunts for the people who stay here. >> don't scare me, guillermo. maybe some superspr cabra coming now. >> good night. >> good night, guillermo. >> ah! i'll stab you! don't kill me! >> yahya. >> no. leave my leg. >> come back. >> no! >> jack link's jerky. feed your wild side. but let's be ready. ♪

let's do our homework. ♪ let's look out for each other. let's look both ways before crossing. ♪ let's remember what's important. let's be optimistic. but just in case -- let's be ready. let's go places, safely. there's something for everyone in the neighborhood. and they start at just $6.99. [ male announcer ] $6.99? consider my mind blown. boom. [ male announcer ] lunch combos at applebee's starting at just $6.99. now with new honey pepper flavor. see you tomorrow. try head & shoulders for men. you can reach polamalu levels of flake-free scalp and hairness. check it. ♪ seven benefits every bottle. [ male announcer ] head & shoulders for men. seven benefits every bottle. jolly rancher bold hand soft juicy chews.

untamed fruit flavor... jolly rancher. [ male announcer ] we love our devices... until we see the new one. technology doesn't wait. ♪ why should you? introducing at&t next... a new way to get a new device every year. zero down payment, no upgrade fee, no activation fee, no financing fee. it's time to rethink how you get a new device. ♪

and i'm here to talk about your bums. these are bum-wipes. do you think that would be quite an interesting addition to your dry routine? yes. so you like using them? i do. because you feel... ultimately clean, i guess. you're welcome to borrow my container. it's new, look at that. would you ever use these? i think i should. would you like to have a go? yeah, we could do that. it's awesome! [ cherry ] nothing leaves you feeling cleaner and fresher than the cottonelle care routine. so let's talk about your bum on facebook. where to next? since i've been using crest pro-health, i've noticed a huge improvement. [ male announcer ] go pro. for a clean that's up to four times better, try these crest pro-health products together. the toothpaste is really awesome. it cleans a lot. [ male announcer ] crest pro-health protects not just some, but all these areas dentists check most. this is gonna be a very good checkup. i feel it.

[ male announcer ] go pro with crest pro-health toothpaste. always triclosan free. after using crest pro-health for a few weeks, i just feel brighter, fresher, cleaner. a small amount evaporates. this is the angel's share gone forever. but some liquid stays trapped, deep inside the wood. this is the devil's cut, and we've found a way to extract it. a richer, full-flavored bourbon. devil's cut from jim beam.

a richer, full-flavored bourbon. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back. we still have music from big sean. our next guest is a golden

globe-winning and academy award nominated actress. her latest is a thriller called "dark tourist." it opens in theaters and on video on demand a week from friday. please welcome melanie griffith. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm great. >> jimmy: very good to see you, a very theater-like entrance. >> you know, give me a doorway and i'll do something with it. >> jimmy: i want to ask you about something. because we all have had house guests. everybody can relate to that. and getting your house ready for people coming over. but you had a fund-raiser for president obama at your house. >> i did. we did, yeah. >> jimmy: you and your husband, antonio banderas. what goes into having an event like that in your home? >> the president, having potus come to your house. >> jimmy: what happens when potus shows up? >> it's amazing.

>> jimmy: appetizers? >> what? >> jimmy: do you cook for it or someone else does all that stuff? >> well, it went from being like 75 people were coming. then it was 110 people. and then it was like 160. and i just -- at 160 i said uh-uh, i'm not cooking myself. no, but eva longoria, my friend called me up. and she said, hey, babe. you know, that's how she talks. hey, babe, listen, i was going to have a party for the president, a fund-raiser, but i can't because there's not three accesses to my home. so we have to do it at yours, okay? so that's how it started. >> jimmy: and you said okay? >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. oh, for secret service they need three access points? >> for the president, they need it in case of -- you know. >> jimmy: and is the security -- like do they go through your house? >> oh, it's amazinamazing. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. so we had a week and a half. it was a very -- actually, it was a very quick time to prepare for this whole thing. >> jimmy: that is a short period of time. >> and they sent three secret service guys who were with me for that week and a half. and they were wonderful.

and we had to do things like go around to the neighbors and tell them that the president was coming. and could we maybe use your back yard for some spies, i guess, that are going to be back there? to protect the president in case of -- >> jimmy: snipers. >> well, you said it. i didn't say it. >> jimmy: well, yeah, the president has snipers. i would love to have snipers. >> i mean to protect you. i would too, right? >> jimmy: wouldn't that be nice? >> wouldn't that be cool? on hollywood boulevard. >> jimmy: so you have to go around as if you're selling chocolates for your little league team, to your neighbors, asking them to do this stuff for you? and did they all say yes? >> yeah. they were all very -- yeah. >> jimmy: and once you get this going, do they all sweep your house? >> yes. so they came -- they said we had to leave the premises, everyone. like everybody who works for us in the house. >> jimmy: you had to leave your own house? >> we had to leave our house for like three hours so they could do whatever they needed to do.

>> jimmy: oh, you know they were trying on your stuff. >> right? i know. i know! >> jimmy: definitely. those secret service guys. [ applause ] they're up to no good. >> you know, actually, antonio's whip from store zorro is missing. >> jimmy: is that right? they probably took it down to colombia -- >> or to washington, one or the other. >> jimmy: antonio's whip is missing. so you have to vacate the house? >> we had to vacate the house, so i was a little afraid when they were coming to do this check, this sweep with the dogs and the -- there were like 70 guys in suits that came. i mean, in suits. dressed really nice. >> jimmy: was there anything in your house that you were worried they would find? >> yeah, a little bit. >> jimmy: really. yeah. >> not my stuff. but possibly my husband or my children. i mean, it was -- it was like, okay, you can do that but you're not going to arrest anybody if you find anything, right?

>> jimmy: do you ask them that beforehand? >> yeah, i did. >> jimmy: they said they wouldn't. >> they said no, it's cool. >> jimmy: oh, wow. i think the bush administration would have had you thrown right in -- >> baby bush, yes. but papa bush, no. >> jimmy: and was it fun? you were happy you did it at the end the event? >> oh, it was great. but i have to tell one other thing that happened. >> jimmy: what happened? i'm interested. >> we had to leave. antonio and stella went with me to get my hair done because we didn't have anything to do for three hours before the event. and when we were coming back, we couldn't get back to our house because they had shut down everything. they shut down wilshire, they shut down 6th. they shut down la brea. >> jimmy: for your event. >> we couldn't get home. >> jimmy: so we went to wilshire, and it's totally shut down. but then we saw this cop car coming. so antonio goes baby, get out and at the time guy we have to get home. so i jumped out of the car and

i flagged the cop car down. and the guy's looking at me like, what? not happy about it. and i said officer, listen, we're having a party for the president. he's going to be at our house in like 45 minutes and i've got to get there because i've got to get dressed and get ready. so could you just like escort us home, please? and he goes, "yeah, right, lady." >> jimmy: really? >> and i said no, no, really, my name is melanie griffith. and he looked at me and there was like no register at all. so i said, okay. my husband is antonio banderas, and he's sitting in the car right over there. >> jimmy: did that -- >> oh, yeah. okay. he knew him. >> jimmy: oh, he knew him. okay. >> and so he goes -- i said so could you let us get through or escort us home? because we've got to get there. and he goes no, i'm sorry, i can't. i can't do that. i said okay, so i called -- our secret -- not our secret service guy but our guard guy. our security guy.

and he's with the secret service. and i said, kevin, we can't get through. so he goes, all right, give me the policeman's p.o. number, his badge number. so i did. and i said tell him he's going to get a call within two minutes. so i hang up my cell phone and say okay, officer, you're going to get a call in two minutes from somebody, i'm sure it will be somebody important. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and he's like, yeah, right, la lady. and then the phone rang, and sure enough, he changed his tune really fast. >> jimmy: president obama called him. >> yeah, right? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, that's something else. >> i know, because he was going yes, sir, yes, sir. >> jimmy: i want to mention your movie, "dark tourist." it's a scary movie. >> yeah. it's not like about a black man who goes to aruba for vacation. >> jimmy: it is not? >> no. >> jimmy: okay. good.e i was confused. >> some people have said that. >> jimmy: all right. that's good.

one thing, we know what it's not about. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's called "dark tourist." it opens in theaters and on video on demand august 23rd. melanie griffith, everyone. we'll be right back with big sean. [ cheers and applause ] ,,

>> jimmy: his new cd "hall of fame" comes out august 27th. playing the song "beware" with some help from jhené aiko, big sean! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ when you said it was over you shot right through my heart ♪ ♪ why you let these tear what we had right apart ♪ ♪ ooh, i was so mad ♪ i should have seen it coming right from the start ♪ ♪ you should beware beware beware ♪ ♪ of a woman with a broken heart ♪ ♪ praying to a sky all black

♪ looking at the stars like they finna talk back looking at my phone like she finna call back ♪ ♪ but last night i feel like probably ended all that cause by now she woulda sent a text in all caps ♪ ♪ then another one tryna take all back saying -- you i miss you or i hate you so much ♪ ♪ cause girls only say hate you to the guys they love i know i know i know the highs the lows ♪ ♪ it comes and goes you say be real i try i don't cause you take anything and just make it everything ♪ ♪ kept my phone on silent ever since you got a ring funny right and i never cheated i mean maybe ♪ ♪ once twice but one time don't change everything she ask why i don't feel the same i'm still the same ♪ ♪ she's still insane and now she's saying when you said it was over you shot right through my heart ♪ ♪ why you let these -- tear what we had right apart ooh i was so mad i should've seen this coming right ♪ ♪ from the start you should beware beware beware of a woman with a broken heart okay skeet smoke sleep ♪

♪ call miss text woke spoke lie feel lisa ewww time kill months still i got somebody baby mama ♪ ♪ calling me daddy i drank too much please call me a cabby penthouse after party ♪ ♪ --want that addy --they can ride with us crawl in a caddy third row is when you ♪ ♪ call i hit cancel really i hit answer -- i hate when that happens phone in my pocket ♪ ♪ for the whole night and you heard -- screamin' til my phone dies then she text me like why ♪ ♪ you still talk to my mama how the --you run around with condoms why you make me ♪ ♪ get this tattoo man --his tattoo you the reason i wasn't single in college ♪ ♪ what all because i had you -- don't even have you how am i suppose to get past you ♪ ♪ and she called the next guy spillin' some real -- now they problems he got to deal with ♪ ♪ when you said it was over you shot right through my heart why you let these tear what we had right apart ♪ ♪ ooh i was so mad i should've seen thico