>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- simon cowell, stacy keibler and music from gary clark jr. with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for coming. thank you for watching. i am glad you are watching.

i am happy to have you here. i have to say, i don't usually have fun, kind of a fun day today. a lot of excitement around our office. those who saw the show last night know we pulled a prank, we made a video of a girl twerking, and what appeared to be, accidentally setting herself on fire. and we posted that individually to a private account on youtube. and on its own it took off. in less than a week, millions of views. ran on hundreds of news stations, talking about it on the radio, all over, the milli vanilli of youtube videos. but the funny thing, after everybody ran it thinking it was real. after all the news channels embarrassed themselves running a bo guchl bogus today they ran it again to announce it wasn't real. >> announcer: the hoax that fooled everyone. >> the biggest twerking film. a hoax. >> all a hoax. >> fake. >> all bs jimmy kimmel did it.

>> we were duped by jimmy kimmel. >> the number one topic on twitter, jimmy kimmel. >> that jimmy is crazy. >> the woman here on fire. a stunt woman. >> so realistic and unbelievable. >> a lot of news organizations should be a little embarrassed because of this. >> nation that networks ran it too. >> fun to punk the newscaster. >> damn you, kimmel with your idea. >> how believable are the videos that go viral. >> hard to believe anything you see on youtube. >> when in doubt, jimmy kimmel did it. >> that's not real. then she catches on fire. >> i bought into it. >> he got us good. >> i thought it was real. we were all duped by that one. >> we all fell for it. absolutely. >> i am disappointed it is fake. >> how ingenious a move by kimmel. >> i am going to set you on fire. >> not even april 1st. played the best practical joke. >> jimmy kimmel score one for him. >> well played, jimmy. well played.

>> he is brilliant. >> so freaking clever. >> does our audience know what twerking is. >> what is it -- a >> jimmy: they dmoeon't know twerking. glad you enjoy this. you don't realize right now you are all krazy glued to your seats. some people are upset the video wasn't real. sorry the girl in yoga pants didn't suffer third-degree burns. i feel terrible about that. some people say now they won't believe anything, anymore. let me say this, just because we faked this particular video doesn't mean everything on the internet is fake. porn is still real, right? and this is not an attack on the internet. i love, i shop on the internet. i communicate with my friends on the internet. before i was married, i did all my sex on the internet. i love the internet. sometimes we lie to the things

we love the most. and who knows how deep this goes. maybe i don't even exist. maybe, maybe, what you know as jimmy kimmel is actually a mannequin head on top of a pile of raccoons or something? but i do want to say this, and this you have my word. we have a lot of fun doing it. that is it. i will never prank anyone again. so relax, okay. we have great guest for you tonight. for real, very easy on the eyes stacy keibler here tonight. music from gary clark jr. who is great, one-and-only simon cowell its with us. simon is, i'm told, simon is backstage right now. sewing nipples into his shirt. here to promote a new season of "x factor" and inspirational new book "absolutely dreadful why you suck and why there's absolutely nothing you can do about it." simon is going to be a father soon. a father to a child that is

going to have an extremely hard time singing "twinkle twinkle little star" to get daddy to kiss him. according to the new world happiness report, a real report that comes out every year. the united states is the 17th happiest country in the world. the report says the happiest country in the world is denmark. followed by, oh, really? [ applause ] >> follow by norway, switzerland, netherlands and sweden. way to go super white people, i guess. you'd be happy too if everyone you knew looked like thor and famke ranking higher than the u.s., canada, sixth. costa ricat. 12 and mexico, 16th. higher than us. why are they happier than we

are? >> guillermo: they like to eat and drink. >> jimmy: according to the report, least happy countries are all countries in africa. hard to be happiest when a good day is a day you don't get trampled by a hippopotamus. last year we were 10th by the way. we are on, maybe i will sneak into mexico. that would confuse them, right? here is another fascinating story, this is from, emory university in atlanta. this will be interesting for simon cowell and involves an important new finding on parenting, a finding that is so important we felt compelled to highlight it on this week in science. ♪ this week in science men with small testicles are better parents. >> good work, scientists. >> that's because it is less dangerous for them to play catch. guillermo, are you a good father? >> guillermo: yes, a great father. >> jimmy: dr. oz had an amaze

showing today. dr. oz went to a shoe store to try to convince women that they should pick comfortable shoes over fashionable shoes. and for some reason he felt that to do that, it was best that he go undercover as a woman. >> today i am getting in touch with my feminine side. this high or this high? and a faux transformation. customers think i am part of a store training video. >> you might want to try these as well. >> a little too low for me. >> looks like a good grocery shopping shoe. >> try it. >> jimmy: well, if you can't tell that is a man -- selecting uncomfortable shoes might be the least of your problems. here is some pictures of the doctor dressed up. seems -- like a long way to go to persuade some one to choose a loaf over a high heel. man you need an excuse to use the chico's gift certificate he

got for his birthday. here with another customer. i think my mom's friend debbie has the jacket. wonder if he is wearing panties? think he went the whole way? i don't know what is going on with dr. otz. you don't need to make up an excuse to dress up like a woman. you do what you feel is right. we love dr. oz and will love dr. roz too. okay. apple unveiled not one but two you iphones, as close as america gets to having a royal baby. apple unveiling. they have the high end phone, iphone 5 os, stand for shut up and give us your money. it has a finger print scanner because the nsa doesn't have enough of our personal information and finl fingerprin too. the app allows you to forget six month as go you spend $500 on a

fen that phone that is obsolete. silver, space gray. the gray one has a black face which isn't very politically correct. apple also used iphone 5 c. in lime green, white, yellow, red, bright blue. if you would just pass your old aye fen iphone off to the front. we'll collect them. tech technifiles will be up all night. most will not tell the difference between the old models and new models. to prove it we went on hollywood boulevard today. we handed people not even an iphone, an ipad miniand told them it was the new iphone. and asked them what they thought. and this is what they thought. have you heard the new iphone came out today? >> i did not know that. >> we have it. want to show it to you and how it compares to the old iphone? >> you know what, it looks

really cool. i don't even know how to work it. but it seems intense and fun. >> graphics probably look a little better, clearer, screen. >> really slim. >> lighter than the old one? >> lighter than the old one. >> looks like it is a lot smaller. and it is -- really cool. >> yeah, i think it looks much sleeker. it's much lighter. smaller. i think it looks easy to handle. >> sound good, right? >> yeah, okay. >> that's good. that's good. really fantastic. thank you. >> it is cool. it is different. totally different. i have never seen one like this before. >> they have the new black color in support of nelson mandela? >> are you serious. that would definitely not make me buy it. >> no? >> if this is true you are making this black for nelson mandela, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. let's get beyond the color. do better.

do better. >> a click it and lick it. click the bottom circle. lick it and taste the flavor? >> just lick it. >> schchocolate, vanilla, strawberry. >> i can't really taste it. i can taste it. ooh, that is so weird. it's cool. i like it. >> do you think fat kids are going to start eating iphones? >> no. >> no? >> no. >> it is a lot better. a lot faster. it looks better. i like the size, because you, know. >> how do you say it its faster? >> it is faster when it comes done to downloading, watching video streaming, anything on the internet. play games, pretty much anything. a lot faster than the older model. the new iphone is great. i will recommend for everybody to go get it. i love apple products. go get it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, yes. we're going to take a break. when we come back, oh this is big. we have got the very latest on justin bieber's new haircut.

exciting stuff. and simon cowell, stacy keibler and music from gary clark jr. so stating right there. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

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♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> simon cowell, stacy keibler and gary clark. >> a young kid was digging through his mom's sock drawer

and happened upon something that definitely wasn't socks. >> give me that now. give me it. come on! it's not funny. give me that. >> jimmy: i love that the father's first instinct was to grab his phone and videotape the action. he probably realizes as long as that is there he will never have a brother or sister. justin bieber was spotted at new york fashion week. and created some fashion excitement of his own. justin bieber is back to his old

haircut. the old helmet is back. although that mustache is still waiting to come in. maybe one of his eyebrows could donate some hair to his lip. obviously this is an extremely important story. i for one will not be able to sleep until we get all the deets, short for details on it. for a look at this and more indepth let's go live to our entertainment correspondent, guillermo on the set of his brand new entertainment show "mucho." >> announcer: today on "mucho" why is leonardo dicaprio wearing a hat, is bradley cooper in a mini-cooper. breaking babies is jessica simpson pregnant again? and whose arm is this? plus an emotional nervous breakdown with stacy keibler. >> a-choo! >> announcer: is she dying? what's up with justin bieber's do? do you want to know?

all this and mucho mas. on mucho. we are live from the hollywood center, the mall. >> guillermo: hi, everyone. welcome to "mucho" here at the mall. i'm guillermo. [ cheers and applause ] >> guillermo: lots of exciting things happening in hollywood today. but before we get to that, jimmy kimmel, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm okay. >> guillermo: you hear it first on "mucho" -- jimmy kimmel is okay. >> announcer: jimmy kimmel is okay. >> jimmy: i'm okay. hold on, how is that even a story, guillermo? >> guillermo: everything is a story including this. i have an exclusive one-on-one interview with stacy keibler, it is over there. >> exclusivo! >> guillermo: stacy keibler, is

she hot or what? is that your real hair? >> yes. >> guillermo: can i smell it? >> what? >> announcer: mucho! >> guillermo: stacy keibler's hair is real, text 1, the real deal. text 2 to say no she is wigging out. speaking of celebrity with hair. justin bieber is trying to grow a mustache. he does not look like a baby-baby anymore. with more on that, it's me, guillermo. >> mustache watch 2013. >> look. it's so little. i think it is look a girl. >> mucho! [ cheers and applause ] >> guillermo: to borrow justin bieber's mustache is good -- 1, yes this mustache is good. or text 2, say no purity.

that's the for now. tune in next time for my ultimate list who is getting divorced who is having sex. it is going to be disgusting! until next time, i am guillermo, and this is "mucho"! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i think we have a lot of potential, thank you, guillermo. and stacy keibler is here. music from gary clark jr. and we'll be right back with bubbly simon cowell. ♪

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>> jimmy: you have seen her dance, maybe seen her wrestle now host of "supermarket superstar." and stacy keibler is here with us. and the new album, called "black & blue" very gifted when it comes to music, gary clark jr. is here. tomorrow night, david spade will

be here, tim gunn with us, music from preservation hall. so join us for the shows too. our first guest is the talent show judge by which all others are measured. we must never forget how much joy his cruelty has brought us. season three of his show, "the x factor," premieres at 8:00 tomorrow night on fox. please say hello to simon cowell. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to say congratulations. everyone has said to you, i don't know what the details exactly are, but i understand you got paula abdul pregnant, is that correct? do you think you are ready for fatherhood?

>> with paula? >> jimmy: with anyone. >> without, paula, yes. that wouldn't have been a great idea. >> jimmy: have you raised anything before? >> a few kids dotted around, jimmy. >> jimmy: there are some kids insulting their school mates some where. >> a few rumors. the first official one. >> jimmy: have you thought, sat down, and thought what did my parents do to create this vicious monster that sits before us all on television? >> yeah, they had sex. that's how you do it. >> jimmy: after that. that made you the man that you are -- a critic, a very frank individual? >> i was a brat when i grew up to be honest. >> jimmy: did they discipline you? >> i was talking to somebody, my dad would never discipline. he would pretend to my mom. taken into the study. he would say whatever. i would come out. i said mom he gave me a hard time. so he was probably the reason why i am so obnoxious. >> jimmy: are you going to do

that, too, be the good guy. >> definitely, yeah. i am really bad at discipline. >> jimmy: will you change diapers? >> no. no. did you? >> jimmy: yeah, sure i did. >> how many times? >> jimmy: i change guillermo's diapers here. how many times? a lot of times. >> i wouldn't like it. anything below here. >> jimmy: will you wake up in the middle of the night or early with the baby? >> you are asking me all these weird questions? >> jimmy: these are not weird questions. >> you have to do that? >> jimmy: you might not have to. >> don't you pay people to do that. i probably will. >> jimmy: you should ship the kid off to some family some where. >> i will do it. i was brought up by nannies. i didn't recognize my mom until i was 3 or 4. >> jimmy: super nannies? >> british nannies.

>> jimmy: with the umbrella. >> two or three. >> jimmy: was your family wealthy? >> sort of mid. they just didn't want to look after me. >> jimmy: at some point will you tell your child, and i don't know if you are having a buy or girl, do you know if you are having a boy or girl? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: will you tell your child you are very, very wealthy. and there is really no need for you to work in the future. but i would look you ike you too read anyway. will you let them know that they're multi, multimillionaires. >> jimmy this is terrible. >> jimmy: things you need to think about. these are important things all. haw i don't think you should leave that much money to your kids. >> jimmy: you don't? >> i tell you what. when i was younger, i was taught that we had to earn our own money. at 7, 8, i would cut lawns, i learned how to make money.

and i loved it. >> jimmy: how much money do you think you will leave to the kids? >> i am not sure of a number. >> jimmy: you should come up with a number. not giving them a lot of money is a good way to keep them from having incentive to kill you. >> you are in a very dark place tonight, you know that, jimmy. really dark place. >> jimmy: i think about these things. >> of everything, i was looking for ward to i am now going to give birth to a psychopath who is going to want to kill me. thank you. >> jimmy: your parents did, why not. >> i gave you that one. >> jimmy: an "x factor" musical in london. an interesting thing. are you producing the x factor musical? >> yes. >> jimmy: you hired an actor to play you? >> yes. >> jimmy: in a way you have come up with a spare of yourself. that's the guy. >> do you think he looks like me? >> i don't think.

why is he doing that with his face? >> a very good question. >> jimmy: tell him to stop doing that. >> i haven't seen the picture. >> jimmy: will he have the haircut. tight t-shirt. same as you. will he sing? >> yeah. yes. yeah. yeah. yeah. his lead song is called "i'm fabulous." it is. kind of a frank sinatra. true story. >> jimmy: what a nightmare for the people who wrote the musical to know of all the people they're writing it for it's you. >> yeah, yeah. i had to go to what's called a workshop. that's the time we had to decide whether we would invest in it or not. i thought it was going to be dreadful. got a seat by the exit. actually it was really, really funny. >> jimmy: they did the whole thing? >> yeah. iannihilated. >> yeah. >> jimmy: when we come back we'll talk about your show "the x factor" third season. he has all-female judging panel. be careful you can't get the

women pregnant. you have to be really, really careful. simon cowell is here. we'll be right back. >> announcer: the jimmy kimmel concert series is brought to you by sony. but some liquid stays trapped, deep inside the wood. this is the devil's cut, and we've found a way to extract it. a richer, full-flavored bourbon. devil's cut from jim beam. not anymore. what? my silverware isn't good enough for you? have -- have you seen it? yes, i have seen it, and it looks -- you gotta look better. ladies, breathe. cascade kitchen counselor here. it's not your silverware. it's likely your detergent. see, over time, cascade platinum's triple cleaning formula delivers brilliant shine finish gel can't beat.

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>> what were you doing with the telephone? >> i was seeing the lyrics of the song. >> could you actually read them? >> jimmy: that is "the x factor" season three. tomorrow night on fox. >> that was one of the better singers. joy one of the better ones. >> that's the finalist. >> jimmy: you think you would know by now watching you on these shows that you should at least know the lyrics do the song that you are singing, not that you surprised her in the middle of the night and asked her to sing it. >> she had the phone still couldn't read them. >> jimmy: you think some come wanting to get knocked off the show. >> i would look to think so. no, more horrific singers turn up this year than any other year. have you not watched the show before. >> jimmy: what happened to the khloe car dakardashian. she was the host of the show. you came to me. i said a mistake. correct, yeah? >> i liked her. i don't think the audience accept aid kardashian as host.

>> jimmy: who do you think that is? >> no idea. >> jimmy: i think you do have an idea. i don't think we have to explain. >> i like her. she is a nice girl. >> jimmy: i want to do something fun. you go on google and put in a phrase. google will finish the phrase for you. thought it may be fun to do it with you. and type in -- does simon cowell -- oops, sorry, spelled your name wrong. >> c-o-w-e-l-l. >> does simon sing? >> i do on the show this year. >> jimmy: really? really? does simon cowell have kids? we know that. does simon cowell smoke? >> yep. >> does simon cowell manage one direction? >> signed to my record label. >> does simon cowell own a yacht?

>> no. >> does simon cowell wear a hairpiece? >> don't be ridiculous. >> jimmy: what is going on with your hair? >> actually looking look yours now? >> jimmy: no it is not. >> since i met you. it has developed into my hair style. >> jimmy: eventually. you know how you are, you give people criticisms, sometimes they're harsh, they're honest. you are frying to hetrying to h. we need to work on the hair. enough with the t-shirts now. >> why? >> jimmy: we are seeing too much nipple. >> it's freezing, bloody cold. my nipples have gone hard. it's got nothing to do with the t-shirt. >> jimmy: his nipples have gone hard, folks. simon cowell, watch him on "the x factor" and season three starts tomorrow night on fox. we'll be right back with stacy keibler.

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>> jimmy: our next guest is so beautiful and statuesque, it's hard to believe she's related to those cookie-baking elves. her show, "supermarket superstar," airs thursday nights on lifetime. please say hello to stacy keibler. [ cheers and applause ] >> very good to see you. glad you made it unscathed out of burning man. saw you were tweet you were at burning man. for those that do not know what burning man is. i have never been there. i am fascinated by the whole

thing. >> you would have fun there. >> jimmy: i don't think i would. >> yes. >> jimmy: middle of the desert. you are living where? >> i was in an rv. i had a shower. some people camp in a tent. >> jimmy: i need to shower a lot. >> shower twice a day. >> jimmy: especially in an rv with you. you shower twice a day. sleep all day. >> sleep during the day. >> jimmy: peyote. >> no. >> jimmy: no peyote. you tweeted some photographs. now the statue that you are posingen front of here is how, how tall is the statue. >> i am not sure the i am pretty far away from it actually. >> jimmy: really big i was told. >> people spend all year long working on these art installations. what happened here i was like that would be really cool to take a picture. my friend said hold your breath, close your eyes, there is a dust storm coming. something you have to prepare.

backpack, goggles, dust masks. >> jimmy: sounds really great. >> you would like it. >> jimmy: is this something you pack? >> yes. it is extremely hot. extremely cold. >> jimmy: a fur. gets cold? >> freezing. be prepared for everything. >> jimmy: sound like the worst place in the world. >> you learn a lot about yourself when you were there. >> jimmy: what did you learn about yourself? >> i learned i can do it all. >> jimmy: there is another celebrity attendee. that celebrity was diddy. who learned what about himself? >> you know what, we both said to each other it was life changing. it really is. >> jimmy: how did it change? usually he has a guy hold his umbrella for him. >> he was holding his own. >> jimmy: now holding his own. >> there are no tables and bottles. >> jimmy: a pink scarf. is this guy with him or wonderful coincidence? >> i an not sure. >> jimmy: part of diddy's group.

what the hell is going on there? what is the weirdest thing you saw at burning man? >> you know there is everything for everyone at any time. there is no judgment. it's very, self expregssion, sunrise, sunset. no money, no schedule. you don't have a phone. you don't have any of these things you are consumed with. >> jimmy: no phone signal. >> there is nothing. i had so many friend that were there. you run into them. i ended up seeing everyone. yet you can't text them to find out where you are, let's meet here or there. at one point i remember being, we were listening to a dj that was playing. this couch rolls in. that was huge. it was so big. as big as all of you guys out there. it said big ass couch on it. and we were look oh, my god. we fry to jump, jump on the couch. i had to go back. run again. and all your friend are jumping. where do the people think of

this. >> you know that didn't happen, right? you know that didn't happen. that was a hallucination. >> maybe it was. >> jimmy: probably jumping on some guy. >> i trood to fiied to find the. did that really happen. >> jimmy: you became well known through wrestling. how did you get involved in wrestling? >> i entered a dance contest. they were a group of girls, professional dancers on the commercial breaks. and luckily i won this contest. fans voting on the internet. then a month later, the producer is like we would like you to be a character. i didn't dance with the girls for too long. >> you became a manager or something, right? >> i became a manager. i had to sort of learn how to wrestle on national television in front of a live audience. >> why did tie they want you to fight. it's wrestling that sort of thing. >> yeah, they sent me to wrestling school. i was on the show. i had to learn on the show, live. and then go to the wrestling

school on nigh tmy two days off. i kind of. >> jimmy: did they give you a crazy back story. >> my first character was named ms. hancock, a suit, glasses. i was standard and practices. come out and take notes. >> jimmy: i see. i see. and then the wrestling community is okay with you just suddenly, now you are no longer ms. hancock, now stacy keibler. >> wcw started. vince mcmahon bought the wcw. i started my career as stacy keibler. >> jimmy: your own name, yes? that is weird. i see why burning man didn't seem that unusual to you. >> no. i am a free spirit. >> jimmy: what is the show you are doing? tell us the idea behind it? >> we are basically fulfilling dreams. looking for the next chef boyardee or orville redenbacker.

>> the next best product. >> jimmy: be in the supermarket. people come. i look to make the what sorts of things do they make? >> we have everything. barbecue sauce. international foods. deserts. baek baked goods. every aisle of the supermarket. people come out. pitch their recipe ideas. get mentored by our man of experts. basically some one wins the nationwide launch of their product on supermarket chef. everyone out there have recipes passed down jen ratigeneration generation. you are a foodie. amazing chef. >> jimmy: i would have an idea for the aisle that has canovers. and overpriced like metal plates and that sort of thing. i didn't have any products that i can make. >> yes you do. you could make a good soup or sauce. >> jimmy: have simon cowell. walk in frozen food section, we can all see his nipples. >> it is really cold in here. i have to agree. >> jimmy: not quite cold enough.

good to see you. supermarket superstar. sorry. airs thursday night at 10:30 on lifetime. stacy keibler, everyone. we'll be right back with gary clark jr. ♪ we run errands. we run to the grocery store. in fact, the average american drives fewer than 29 miles a day. the 100% electric nissan leaf goes two-and-a-half times that on a single charge. it's a car. it just doesn't take gas. [ farrar ] so think about where you go in a day. do you really need gas to get there? [ male announcer ] the 100% electric nissan leaf. nissan. innovation that excites. now get a 2013 nissan leaf for $199 a month. ♪

we'll take something tasty and healthy. ♪ ♪ if you wanna go and fly with me ♪ ♪ it's buzz the bee on your tv ♪ ♪ oh how did i get this way? ♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪ there's a party going on in your cereal bowl ♪ ♪ o's can help lower cholesterol ♪ ♪ oh why does it taste so great? ♪ ♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪ ♪ hey! must be the honey! ♪ hey! must be the honey!

>> jimmy: his album is called "blak and blu." here with the song, "when my train pulls in" here is gary clark jr.! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ every day nothing seems to change ♪ ♪ everywhere i go

i keep seeing the same ol' thing ♪ ♪ and i and i can't take it no more ♪ ♪ i would leave this town but i i ain't got nowhere else to go ♪ ♪ no ♪ well i'm ready now ♪ i'll be ready when the train pulls in ♪ ♪ well i will be ready now ♪ i'll be ready when the train pulls in ♪ ♪ i know my time ain't long around here and i can't live this life again ♪

♪ walking down the street you might run across a smiling face ♪ ♪ but they'll stab you in the back as soon as you turn and walk away ♪ ♪ and i oh lord it's bringing me down ♪ ♪ if things don't change around here ain't no use of my hanging around ♪

♪ hanging around no ♪ well i'll be ready now i'll be ready when my train pulls in ♪ ♪ well i'll be ready now i'll be ready when my train pulls in ♪ ♪ i know my time ain't long around here and i can't live this life again ♪ ♪ no no no ♪