>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, rebel wilson, anthony bourdain, this week in unnecessary censorship, and music from avril lavigne, with cleto and the cletones. and now, moving right along, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] hi, everyone, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show.

and thank you for being here tonight. i am glad you are here. it's been a weird, just quick question -- did any one else get a very angry phone call from kanye west about an hour and a half ago? just me? okay. i didn't know it wasn't all of us. did you get one? >> i did not get one. >> jimmy: i got one. >> that's good. >> jimmy: i will tell you. i don't want to spoil the festivities. in hollywood tonight is the first night, prima note, a big italian festival, the family and i put on behind the theater every year, food, rides, the petting zoo. this may be the only place in los angeles where you can eat a pork sausage while petting a big. for those that don't know, the patron saint of pinky rings and tank top undershirts i think. the feast is going to go on all weekend. if you are italian or italian-curious, stop by.

all for schar techarity, maybe d beat g tuchuillermo's record? 580? >> guillermo: 582. >> jimmy: 5282. cardinal gio franco made a comment at the vatican. jesus was the first person to tweet. the cardinal said like twitter messages, jesus' messages were brief and full of meaning. brief i get. when has there been a twitter message full of meaning? an interesting claim and come pars on to make. no wonder jesus walked on water he didn't want to get his phone wet i guess. the cardinal believes, jesus "used tweets before everyone else with simple phrases made up of fewer than 45 characters like love one another. yet he had 12 followers. you know you have to wonder if jesus did tweet, came back today

and started tweeting which would be weird, what would the tweets look like. so we took some of jeep ssus' w. we twitterfied. blessed are the week for they shall inherit thetwitter, got to brag. >> i am with you always even unto the end of the world. tweets that, shout out to my jeliebers! here is something twitter jesus would not approve of, former deputy mayor of london, richard barnes had a bad day yesterday. friend who visited his facebook page were treated to a number of nude self portraits. this is one of them. i like the suspender on the side. i think that's the blurred line

robin thicke has been singing abut. also boob showing. a little something for everyone. he claims he was hacked which is probably true. but i have a request, hackers, could you guys please go back to breaking into scarlet johannsen's phone? british politicians are classier, when they post pictures of themselves naked they do it with the pinky in the air. this is a potentially hilarious development for the nba. the nba said to be kidding lcon letting the heat and nets wear special jerseys for a game. instead of the players name on the back of the jersey they wear their nicknames. they asked the play tires submit nicknames for approval. miami forward shane battier wanted the jersey to say "batman" that got shut down. instead he went with shano. which has not been copyrighted. doesn't count as a nickname if you put an o at the end.

hey, it its guillermo. still eating those zepolis, huh? >> guillermo: you want one. >> jimmy: later. instead of the nicknames on jerseys they should put the salaries on the jerseys. that way they can hold them accountable. there is -- a new product for men, or maybe, it's more accurate to say for women. one of the scientist whose created viagra is about to release a spray that helps to prevent premature ejaculation. basically an anesthetic, you spray on you, that makes you last longer in clinical trials men who used the spray were able to have sex five times longer. is this, whatever happened to just thinking about your parents' naked. this is the product. wait a minute. that's not -- i think we have the wrong. they call it topical mixture for

premature ejaculation. the come of papany is calling i, great news for tempe, arizona. my parents live in tempe. my kids have to visit their grandparents in weiner spray, arizona. can't go around naming -- i want to make a baby with you, but i got to pop a chattanooga and spritz a little flagstaff on my hackensack. dmx not too long ago was a popular performer now. you see him on vh 1 reality shows. yesterday for some reason, dmx sat down with dr. phil. i think his goal was to clear up common misconceptions about him. as you will see here, kid that mission accomplished. >> you have 10 children? >> 11. >> 11 children. >> 11, yes. and one on the way. >> and one on the way.

>> one on the way is number 12. >> number 123, ye. >> why are you having so many children? >> i'm not having the children. >> i'm giving them the children. >> jimmy: he is technically correct. you would think a doctor like phil would know that. dmx must get so many macaroni pictures on father's day. i have seen a lot unusual reality shows. one that sony is developing. could be the most ambitious. milky way mission. the idea is, ten celebrities live together while they go through astronaut training. the winner goes to space. they should combine the show with celebrity rehab. and really freak celebrity stoners out. but the show will air in the netherlands. the kind of program you get when marijuana is legal in your country. if successful it will make its

way to the u.s. we thought it was a good idea to go on the street and ask people passing by which celebrities would you look to sike to see g into space. if you could send a celebrity into space with a one way ticket. who and why? >> i think mariah carey. >> how come? >> i just don't think, she is a waste of space, really. >> who would you send into outer space and why? >> miley cyrus. when she does the twerk it is inappropriate. hir ha her haircut is silly. >> what else don't you like abut her? >> her songs are off-putting. >> i would send miley cyrus because all of her publicity stunts are just like outrageous. the way she talks is kind of annoying, right? >> um, i don't have a problem with how she talks. >> what's the girl, wild hair and all that.

what's the girl she is in court, for throwing the bong outside her manhattan. >> amanda bynes. send her out there and never bring back. >> gary bussey. >> why? >> he is weird i guess. >> it would be carrot top. because i hate everything about him. everything he stand for. and everything that he is going to do inn't future. >> mel gibson maybe. >> amber tamlin. >> george lopez. >> andy dick. >> tommy lee jones because in men in black three he wouldn't take a picture with me. >> how about beyonce. not a fan. >> miley cyrus. i am tired of looking at her. >> miley cyrus. i don't know if i can say it, she turned into a hooker now. >> miley cyrus. >> miley cyrus. >> why? >> lack of -- >> brad pitt. >> how come? >> so i can have angelina for myself.

>> snooki. so she can never procreate again. >> any of the guys from one direction because they're poisoning our youth, my little sister is a one direction fan. i can't stand them. >> if you could send one famous person. >> famous person? >> into outer space. >> outer space. >> who would it be and how? [ indiscernible ] >> what celebrity do you not like? >> outer space. i want to go outer space. >> jimmy: no real housewives. you think they would have that. we have to take a break. when we come back. i will tell you why kanye west is furious at me. he -- we had a bad conversation today on the telephone. plus, this week in unnecessary censorship, and rebel wilson, anthony bourdain, and music from avril lavigne. so come on back.

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>> happening all weekend. bring the kids. come by. can y kanye west called me an hour, hour and a half in my office. he is angry about a bit we aired. gave an interview to the bbc. we had a kid actor take the words and re-enact it. had the kids say the stuff kanye said. apparently this upset him. he called me. he said a lot of things. he told me, he told me i had two

choices, number one, apologize publicly. and that was really the only choice. the other choice he gave was that your life is going to be much better if you apologize. so, and then he started tweeting today, and i don't know if i have seen some of these. they're happening as we speak. kanye west is out of line, jimmy kimmel its out of loon to try to spoof in any way the first piece of honest media in years. okay. all right. what else do we have. jimmy kimmel, i don't take it as a joke. you've don't have scumbags hopping over fences trying to take pictures of your daughter. i don't know what that refers to. okay. what else do we have? here. jimmy kimmel put yourself in my shoes. oh, no that means you would have gotten too much good in your life. i have seen the video. i know.

you can't put yourselfen ein m shoes, your face looks crazy. if i had a kid say it would it be funny? >> it might. i would me than happy to give it a shot if you like. should i do a spoof about your face or you having ben affleck. which was a spoof. i don't know if he thought that was the news. #nodisrespecttobenaffleck. #disrespectto jimmykimmel. >> i look y-- i like you. i came to your friend's wedding. who you made it clear wasn't your family when i was on the phone with you five minutes ago, you manipulative media -- my friend, not my friend. what else do we have here?

sarah silverman is a thousand times funnier than you and the whole world knows it. and what else, what else? oh, a picture. okay. well i think that's insulting sarah, by the way. and this adorable little -- treasure. so -- by the way, he told me on the phone. i swear to god this is true. i am the most powerful voice in media. i am pac. i am pac. he said you will never be able to show your face at a 14-year-old's high school football game and be school again. he really is pac. that is right out of the -- that's right out of the tupac playbook isn't it? so, i don't know. i don't understand it. i don't know why he is angry. again the bit was pretty, i thought, innocuous. but, finally i'm in a rap feud.

[ cheers and applause ] in a rap feud. do you have my back. >> guillermo: i have your back. >> jimmy: yeah, sure you do. right now we are at def-kanye 5. so we will keep an eye. are there new ones. keep an eye during the show. to see if he has new ones. thank you, kanye, appreciate it. thursday night, time for the weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things if they need it or not. this week in unnecessary censorship. [ cheers and applause ] >> these two performing sisters are much different than the performing sisters i [ bleep ] in thailand three years ago. >> do you want jessica and i to [ bleep ] your [ bleep ]. >> do you want to? >> justin timberlake [ bleep ] sir paul. >> most americans could not give a flying [ bleep ]. >> this town washington is [ bleep ] up. >> and beautiful [ bleep ] in front of me.

i'm like -- looks good. >> live from [ bleep ], linda how does it look. >> there is a moment when you got to let your [ bleep ] hang out. >> back with snooki's [ bleep ] bombshell. >> we are going to out[ bleep ] the [ bleep ]. >> it's the annual what the [ bleep ] festival. >> plus we want you to till us what you think about [ bleep ] in front of your kids. >> name something that's better when it's black? ahmed? >> [ bleep ]. >> [ bleep ]. >> you guys act like a lot of little kids because what you accomplished. >> it's great. you know what is awesome? >> no! no! >> jimmy: tonight on the show, anthony bourdain is here. we have music from avril lavigne, and we'll be right back with rebel wilson. so join us, won't you?

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>> jimmy: tonight on the program - on a night with this much food - we had to get this guy here his show "anthony bourdain: parts unknown" airs sunday nights on cnn - anthony bourdain

is here. with us here tonight. >> jimmy: and then - with music from her new c.d., which she has named after herself - it comes out november 5th - avril lavigne from the sony outdoor stage. next week on the show - our guests include tim allen, will arnett, danny devito, kenny rogers, from marvel's agents of shield - clark gregg, from "scandal" - katie lowes, and music from john mayer, bonnie raitt, and the lumineers too. so join us then. i want to say another thing about kanye west. this wedding we went to, i don't know, there were like two kanye wests. there is a bad kanye west who called me. there its the good can yap west who powest -- there is the good kanye west who posed for a picture with my dad. a romantic -- they were vacationing together. i'm pretty sure he thought the was wolf blitzer. our next guest tonight is an

exceptionally funny woman from australia, you know her from the movies "bridesmaids" and "pitch perfect" and now she has her own show here on abc - it is called "super fun night" it premieres wednesday night at 9:30, please say hello to rebel wilson. >> jimmy: everything all right? you are working a lot? >> i have been working my -- off. it really hasn't changed size. >> jimmy: star, executive producer and writer on your show? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that is a lot of jobs. >> realliful-on. >> yeah. why am i puffed out. it was like ten steps. >> jimmy: it is really. >> i don't know. when i cam e to america, i had

two dreams. one to have my own tv show, one to marry channing tatum. now 1 1/2 has come true. >> jimmy: congratulations. have you had a chance to relax at all? >> thanks. yeah. i work like really hard. like 16 hours a day. >> jimmy: that its hard. >> to get "super fun night" on the air. yeah, it's massive. but on labor day, one weekend a few weekend ago, i got to relax and go up to this really ritzy resort spa. and i got to do a facial. >> jimmy: where did you go? >> kind of near oprah's house. >> jimmy: near oprah's house. >> yeah, fancy. >> jimmy: a good spot. >> yes, i get to relax and have a facial. and lime's league theri'm layin. i start sneezing. this is embarrassing. can i please have a tissue, sorry about the snot. then she is like, that's okay. some times people do weird things when they're having

facials. and then, i'm any just, i'm like, just enjoy the pampering. and my throat starts closing over. >> jimmy: ooh. >> i'm like enjoy the pampering. like, don't say anything. so for the rest of the hour i'm like -- like that. and then at the very end of the facial, the facialist comes down and whispers in my ear. and she goes -- you may have had an allergic reaction to one of the masks. i was like, what? so i jumped up and looked in the mirror. and my whole face and neck was covered in hives. like big red welts. and then, i like just ran down -- past all these people in robes and like relaxing. i just went ah and ah. i took some antihistamines. >> jimmy: uh-huh. ha-ha. >> i got a free chocolate fondue. >> jimmy: all right. that's what they gave you, huh?

>> yeah. i know. but the weekend got better. >> jimmy: really. >> i thought, the facial didn't work out. maybe i will have a relaxing bubble bath. >> jimmy: yeah. >> in the bubble bath. i needed to go to the toilet. so i got out. yeah, some people know where this is going. gyp >> jimmy: i don't. >> i get out to run to the toilet. slip on the big marble floor. the foot went through the wall. filltemperature -- filming with a broken toe. >> your life is like an episode of bennie hill show. >> i was filming and laughing. i had to page my friend from the show, and say just come back to the room. something bad happened again. >> jimmy: you need how to be monitored at all times it sound like. >> i feel look some days, that movie "final destination."

instead of being murdered i just keep getting embarrassed. >> jimmy: you were in las vegas this weekend? >> yeah. >> jimmy: did you have fun there? >> first time on a private jet. people tell me, the first time it landed. i was doing the emergency brace. it's rough. >> jimmy: not a fighter jet. >> yeah. i know. >> jimmy: wasn't bad going in. hot in las vegas. in the valley bounces around ape little bit. >> i survived. >> jimmy: did you gamble? did you enjoy it? >> i had to introduce britney spears and miley cyrus. >> jimmy: to each other? >> on to the stage for the music festival. then their management got a copy of my jokes, what i was going to say. then i was banned. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> for saying the jokes. the jokes weren't that bad. >> jimmy: what were they? >> miley cyrus got to the top through her raw talent and hard

twerk. >> jimmy: that's it. >> wasn't that bad? >> jimmy: that's not bad at all. you are going to get an angry call from miley cyrus. >> yeah, i can text back. >> jimmy: that got eliminated. wow, you have been through a rough time. >> yeah. sdwro >> jimmy: we will see a clip from your new show. excited to have you on abc. welcome on behalf of the american broadcasting company. rebel wilson is with us. we'll be right back. >> announcer: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by --

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>> you wait here. i will be right back. >> oh, okay. oh! oh! oh! >> kimmy. >> mm. >> jimmy: oh, kimmy! rebel wilson -- >> how many times did you have to do that before it worked? >> i do all my own stunts on the show. except for running.

if it says kimmy runs. no. >> jimmy: get some one else in there. >> i do the fun stunts. that took three takes to get it right. the second take i almost died. >> jimmy: how? >> the skirt was like designed to tear away. but the buttons didn't pop off. >> jimmy: great. >> the second take which is, weird, normally like i have no problems with buttons like after dinner, you know. and the second take it just didn't pop off. so what happened is that it just, the whole skirt just went up like that. and bruised all of my ribs. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> i told them to show the tape where it went wrong. apparently you could see under-boob. not suitable for broadcast. >> jimmy: you are almost completely uninsurable. seems like it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: true you are related to walt disney? >> yeah, weird that i am working for abc. >> jimmy: owned by disney, disney corporation. >> my great aunt married him.

>> jimmy: that is related. >> on my father's side. >> i love the disney. >> jimmy: how long were they married? >> ages. >> jimmy: did you get any disney money or any of the stuff? >> so my grandma, she is like, she had a gambling problem. >> jimmy: great. >> she liked to get on the gigis. >> jimmy: what's the gigis? >> horses. she is like i should ring them up and ask for some money. >> jimmy: this is when, how long ago? >> when i was a kid. >> jimmy: and walt's dead at this time, right? >> i think so, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: okay. >> she is like we are from australia like long lost relatives. can we get some cash? and then of course they said no. we did get to go to disneyland and got to go in early one day. that is the only perk they had. >> jimmy: a pretty good perk. great to have you. good luck with the show. "super fun night" premieres next wednesday at 9:30 on abc. we'll be right back with anthony bourdain.

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>> jimmy: our next guest is a chef, writer, and adventurer who had a problem with paula deen way before it was popular. you can follow his world travels on the emmy-winning "anthony bourdain: parts unknown" - sunday nights at 9 on cnn. please welcome anthony bourdain.

how is it sghogoing? >> really good. >> jimmy: we have an italian feast outside. you love street food? >> i saw that. >> jimmy: what is your favorite? >> sausage and peppers. my philosophy about street food if there is not a 50/50 chance of violent diarrhea, it is almost not worth eating. sausage and pepper heroes never let me down. >> jimmy: its street food more dangerous than food at a restaurant? >> outside of the states. i have been eating street food, 10, 12 years all over the world. generally speaking, you know the place where they're shaving at room temperature pigs head under a naked lightbulb, the guy dirty apron generally speaking safer than the hotel buffet. >> jimmy: why? why do you say that? >> that guy shaving the pig's head, in a tortilla, and salsa verde. they're locals, feeding

neighbors. you don't stay in business poisoning neighbors. the guy at the hotel buffet. looks at you with the three day old sauce, figures this guy will be on the plane halfway across the atlantic when he goes off on both end. >> jimmy: smart way of looking at it. >> never fails. >> jimmy: your job seems like a lot of fun. never see a job that seems like fun. must not be fun. probably not actually fun. it e is it fun? you love it? >> go anywhere i want. make self-indulgent television. tell a story whatever way i like. >> jimmy: a great show. a lot of fun to watch. when i watch it. i will go i wish i could do that and be on that trip. but, i can't. it is just as good as it looks like. is your wife italian? >> jimmy: when you go to italy

you visit her family? >> i love her family. i was sort of bitter about the fact that i am not italian american. like a lot of over. romantic view, a wine label. barbers. people squeezing tomatoes. my wife is from italy she is not romantic about it. i took her to tuscany. baby it is like new jersey here. and getting used to the in-laws who i adore took some doing. i mean, while i was writing a play, the in-laws drove across italy. they came late at night. doing a potluck meal for the film crew. whatever was on hand. i made a rather nice meal from odds and ends. the dad shows up. sits down. looks around. and italian said where is the bread. where its the bread? what in italian -- i don't speak it. getting to understand it. what kind of animal from the jungle would not have bread on

the table? gints t gets in the car, drives into town. gets bread. not an ingredient. an implement. so, the whole italian thing, a minefield for me. >> jimmy: duo you dare make italian food for your italian in-laws. they're polite. i try to keep my repertoire pretty tight. you know -- my wife is impossible. >> jimmy: your wife is an mma fighter? >> yeah. >> jimmy: quite a combination. italian. mma fighter. probably a lot of knives in the house too? you really need to behave yourself in every way. >> just a perfect storm, italian temper, and trained killer. i married italian. eating pasta occasionally. no carb household. trains, three, four hours a day, si six days a week. my fridge is, steaks, all protein.

steaks and protein shakes. i live with an attack dog or chuck norris. >> jimmy: rotweiller in the house. you have a disdane for vegans, vegetarians people who do not eat meat? disdain, a way of putting it? >> i am happy to eat vegetarian every day for a while in india or great vegetarian meals in israel and middle east. but you, know my wife for a -- an article for her training regimen decided to go vegan for a week. and bribed me basically to join her in this lunacy. so for two, for two whole days abe te an eternity i had to eat at vegetarian restaurants in new york. a mystery why every steakhouse treats vegetable with more love and respect, than these restaurants. no respect, all the sort of airline broccoli, sludgy meat

substitutes, satan, it's satanic all right. it's like wallpaper paste. and they shape it into meat-like shapes apparently. like, you know, if you are going to be vegetarian, eat vegetables. everyone in the place is eating fake hamburgers. >> jimmy: it is weird. they'll sell it. go to the supermarket. make like tofurkey, shaped lack a turkey. if you are a vegetarian don't like the animals, why would you want your food shaped like a dead animal? >> they hate our freedoms. they, they -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: really. locked into something here. >> they're not happy until every little bit of possibility of joy or pleasure is sucked out of the room. >> jimmy: i think, a lot of, and i am generalizing, i think a lot of them don't like eating as much as i do. >> nah, nah. >> jimmy: so when you come to a place like los angeles, a visitor here, where do you go,

what is your spot? >> k-town. >> jimmy: korea town. korean restaurant scene is best in america. just bottomless pit of wonderful, wonderful restaurants. layer upon layer. the thai food. the mexican, of course. in and out burger. >> jimmy: in and out burger. everybody says that. the in and out burger. >> i walk into my, i'm staying in a nice hotel. i walk in with a stinking, liking, reeking back of in and out burger. you would think they would be mad. no they look at me i'm holding a $6,000 hermes bag. you have never seen so much love. oh, yeah, good -- for frz i twe -- i could be wrestling naked with the dali llama get 7,000 likes. picture of an in and out burger on a table, 30,000 likes in ten

minutes. >> jimmy: good news for the dali llama i guess. very good to see you. the show is great. congratulations on your emmy as well. on cnn "it is anthony bourdain: parts unknown" airs sunday nights at 9 on cnn. when we come back - music from avril lavigne.

>> jimmy: i want to thank rebel wilson, anthony bourdain. i want to thank kanye west for his participation tonight. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time.

he will be rescheduled. thank you for watching. stay up for "nightline" next. her self-titled album comes out november 5th - go to jimmy kimmellive.com to see this performance and more - here with the song "rock n roll" - avril lavigne. good night! ♪ let 'em know that we're still rock n roll ♪ ♪ i don't care about my make-up i like it better with my jeans all ripped up ♪ ♪ don't know how to keep my mouth shut you say so what i don't care if i'm a misfit ♪ ♪ i like it better than the ♪ some some how it's a little different when i'm with you you know what i really am ♪ ♪ all about you know how it really goes oh oh oh oh yeah some some way ♪ ♪ we'll be getting out of this town one day you're the only one that i want with me ♪

♪ you know how the story goes oh oh oh when it's you and me we don't need no one ♪ ♪ to tell us who to be we'll keep turning up the radio what if you and i just put up a middle ♪ ♪ finger to the sky let them know that we're still rock 'n roll ♪ ♪ rock 'n roll hey hey hey rock 'n roll hey hey hey ♪ ♪ call it a bad attitude dude i'm never gonna to cover up that tattoo ♪ ♪ i might have a couple issues you say me too yeah ♪ ♪ don't care about a reputation must be living in the wrong generation this is your invitation let's get wasted ♪ ♪ some some how it's a little different when i'm with you you know what i really am ♪

♪ all about you know the story goes oh oh oh oh yeah when it's you and me ♪ ♪ we don't need no one to tell us who to be we'll keep turning up the radio ♪ ♪ what if you and i just put up a middle finger to the sky let them know that ♪ ♪ we're still rock 'n roll rock 'n roll hey hey hey rock 'n roll ♪ ♪ hey hey hey rock 'n roll oh oh oh oh yeah oh oh yeah ♪ ♪ when it's you and me we don't need no one to tell us who to be we don't need no one to tell us who to be we'll keep turning up the radio ♪