>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, jennifer garner, david arquette, and music from arcade fire. with cleto and the cletones! and now, while we're at it, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: welcome! thank you for watching. thank you for shoewering me wit

your affection. i did need another shower. that's very nice. we have a, a great show for you tonight. hopefully to match your enthusiasm, jennifer garner, david arquette, and music from arcade fire. on the roof of capital records building down the street. their new album reflection came out. if you don't buy it they will jump off the capital records building to. night is a difficult night for our announcer, dickey he has a thick boston accent. pronounce the names of the guests to night. go through it one more time. >> we had jennifer garner, david arquette, and arcade fire. >> jimmy: there you go. boston. and good accent. guillermo does, believe it or not, guillermo does imitations

and does a boston accent, too. >> guillermo: little bit. >> jimmy: do your boston accent ape little bit for us. >> guillermo: i got an apartment, i went to harvard, i want some clam chowder. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: fenway with mark wahlberg. last night in st. louis, the red sox, winning game five is huge for red sox, now they have immunity idol cannot. up 3-2. last two games at home in boston. cardinals fans are not feeling good. it ain't over until the lady who is actually a healthy weight mad made to feel fat adhering to impossible standard set by advertisers sings. as baseball wraps up. a new nba season tipped off. the special time when we have

baseball, football, basketball, at the same time, the holy trinity of ignoring our families. and tonight, to start things off, bulls played the heat in miami. the lakers, they're getting killed. i just checked the score. and the lakers played the clippers. here in l.a. this is an interesting fact. when l.a. basketball teams play each other, a new baby kardashian is born. you know, like -- like basketball is watched predominantly by men. the nba is making a converted effort to attract female viewers. they see this as a great way to grow their audience. makes sen s sense. not sure they're going about it the right way. >> tonight it all begins. the nba is back. the heat, the bulls, the muscles, the legs, the round sexy buttocks, the smooth kissable lips. tonight, ten handsome hunks go

head-to-head. and cheek to cheek. as they fight to impress the women they are nothing but faithful to. basketball husband. bulls/heat. let's get sweaty! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: not only do we have basketball, baseball, football. we have hockey. the nhl season in ju ws under w. keep a close eye on the young fan sitting behind the canadiens' bench. >> okay. >> jimmy: what are you supposed to do, you saw a hole crawling with germs and you stuck a tongue in. that's what you do. i blame miley cyrus for that. halloween is coming up thursday. just me or does it feel like we

have been celebrating hall when a month already. i was driving into work, looking at people who dress up as super heroes outside the building. funny watching them coming to work, heads tucked under their arms. these guys must hate halloween. when halloween comes around, everyone is in a costume. all of a sudden they're nobody. got to be how employees at best buy feel when someone walks in wearing a blue polo shirt. according to the national retail federation, around 158 million people will celebrate halloween in the united states this year. down from 170 million last we're. how does the national retail federation know this? i don't know if i am going to celebrate halloween. they do? apparently food-based costumes are very popular this year. why, i don't know? but a company, they claim they're selling a lot of food skos exhu costumes. including this one. went on the website.

that is really sexy corn. cornography, what it is. americans may not be eating vegetables but we are dressing like sexy versions. speaking of halloween, we have a beloved tradition at the show. two years ago i challenged parent to pretend they ate all their kids' halloween candy, tape the reaction, send the individually to us. via you tube. we got a lot of reactions like this one. >> we ate all of your halloween candy. >> we put all the best responses together. and most everyone seemed to love it. these videos, have been viewed more than 60 million times on you tube alone. i belief we would be doing america a disservice by not issuing the challenge again this year. all you parents, after your kids come back with a bucket full of hard-earned candy, maybe the morning after. friday morning, pretend you ate every last piece of it. record your child's reaction and

then upload the video to youtube with the title, hey, jimmy kimmel, i told my kids i ate all their halloween candy. we will show our favorite submissions on the show next week. i would especially like to see parents who have done this to their kids in the past try it again. to see if those kids -- learned anything from last year. but again, title your video "hey, jimmy kimmel, i told my kids i ate all their halloween candy." check your e-mail, youtube account for a message from us. it will be fun, for us, not for the kids. it will be terrible. that's what they get, peeing on us and never paying for a meal. a tale, in columbus, georgia, a faulty walter heater caused a big house to catch fire. fortunately everyone in the house escaped unharmed. including this brave gentleman who risked everything for what he loved most. >> people inside the house on 42nd street say they were watching television the room began filling with smoke. all six adults made it out safely. one man said he left something

behind. >> after we got the kids out and everything. me, myself, being an alcoholic, i was trying to get my beer out. [ indiscernible ] >> jimmy: he did exactly what anyone whose best friend and beer would do. is it possible to be a hero at the same time. night be the least inspirational rescue story ever told. wasn't even a lot of beer he went back in for a six-pack. just what is that? $3. foolish thing to do. i want to make sure nothing like this happens again. walter, if you are watching, please, please, pay close attention to this. #. >> do you need things like beer, bread, toilet paper, own a framed picture of a boat. visit stores. stores are buildings in your neighborhood full of items for

sale. items like shirts that are not on fire. this store sells hammers and useful tools. that are not on fire. have a cold. visit it this store. it is not on fire. if you want beer, which building should you go into? the one that is not on fire. stores. there is one near you that's not on fire. available at a nonflaming walgreens. >> jimmy: good jokes. educational too. that play not be the dumbest thing you will hear on the show tonight. last night." xw -- extra interviewed kate upton. "sports illustrated." she is acting had a part in a new movie. >> kate back in a bikini, competing for another woman's man, in the wouother woman. >> did you ever go out. and destroy a restaurant. walk in. >> we were quite the power come, us three.

>> jimmy: where the power comes from, from the extra person. so -- math is not her thing. sad news from the world of music today. the jonas brothers announced officially that they're breaking up. i hope this is not the first place you heard it. they canceled their tour three weeks ago because of a deep rift within the band. i don't know what a deep rift. nick decided to use a different conditioner on his hair. they say they're breaking up over -- marginally creative differences. but this is -- this is an outrage. i will tell you why. i distinctly, remember, president obama promising if i like my jonas brotherize can keep my jonas brothers. never will we hear, girl, you're my girl, or looking m ining int

eyes, or any of the other songs i made up. sorry, guillermo. didn't mean to break tight you like this. >> guillermo: it is okay. it had to happen. >> do your boston accent for us one more time. >> guillermo: i got an apartment. >> jimmy: we are going to take a break. we -- when we come back, we have something that i think you are going to love. i saw pictures of this woman, she makes dogs into, she grooms the dogs into characters like the muppets and -- the simpsons, and it is crazy. she brought some of the dogs here to show us tonight. and it is really great. you are going to love it. and jennifer garner, david arquette, and music from arcade fire too. so don't run off! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

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and thrive. >> jimmy: welcome back. >> jimmy: we've also got jennifer garner, david arquette, and music from arcade fire. so this halloween americans will spend more than $300 million on costumes for their pets. why would you buy a costume for your dog when you could decorate your dog instead. this is kat hobson. hello, kat. >> thank you. >> jimmy: kat, despite your name, a dog groomer. creative dog greoomer, correct? >> that's correct. >> jimmy: are there others? >> there are. >> jimmy: something you do professionally? >> yes. >> jimmy: people bring their dogs to you and say "i would like my dog to look like --"

>> "a tiger." i will. >> jimmy: how long does it last? >> until it groews out. >> jimmy: when the dog is in between tiger back to dog. that has to be its own unusual look, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: the dogs we will meet tonight are your own personal dogs. >> they are, yes. >> jimmy: you have done all the work on the dogs yourself. >> correct. >> jimmy: that must be a dog, be at your house, see other dogs and go what in the world have i got in myself into? let's bring out some of the dogs. >> okay. >> jimmy: here we go. look at this. >> this is twinkle. >> jimmy: that's not twinkle, right. >> that's not twinkle. do you ever creatively groom him? >> i do groom him, not creatively. >> jimmy: this is twinkle. twinkle is a zombie. we can see like, all most looks like a t-bone steak there on --

the barking dead we have here. boy this is really unusual. this almost is disturbing. >> it is. >> jimmy: this one is. what kind of dye? >> pet safe hair dye. for dogs, cats. >> jimmy: other countries making dye for pets all day. >> it comes from paris and japan. they got the jump on us. >> jimmy: they teamed up for this one. all right. i like the little punk rock hair do here. all right. well, very good. so now, tinkle, named tinkle because he ruins the furniture. >> it's twinkle. she -- >> jimmy: like a star. ha-ha. >> she came with the name. she was a little rescue dog. she 'tis 12 years old. she is blind, she doesn't care what color she is. >> jimmy: probably in this case, better for the dog, yeah.

all right. do we have another animal? >> we do. >> jimmy: guillermo, you will get the dogs. be careful with twinkle. she is blind. look at this. >> treasure. treasure. >> jimmy: looks look one of the real housewives. >> with better hair. >> jimmy: a leopard-doodle. >> leopard design. something more simple for your everyday pet. >> jimmy: when a dog is painted like a cat is there an identity crisis issue for them? >> she has no confidencer us ei. bead, in the middle. she ois okay with that. >> uh-huh. yep. >> jimmy: all right, let's see. what else. good luck with that one, guillermo. >> jimmy: wow, this one.

>> next. >> jimmy: this one? >> this is feather. she is a chinese crested, not a poodle. and a koi pond. >> jimmy: a koi pond. that is creative. did she "why do i have to be the koi pond?" and remember to always spay or neuter your koi ponds. think she is cold. i am supposed to give out treats. >> they're trick or treating, yeah. >> jimmy: that looks delicious. here you go. here is a piece of wooden chicken. >> freeze dried. >> jimmy: is it actually checken? a chicken. >> it is chicken. >> jimmy: come and retrieve the koi pond. here we go. wow.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all of sesame street. >> you can tell -- where the treats are. >> jimmy: the amazing part about this dog, these are her natural markings. wow. can we see the, are they the same on both side. >> this side, bert, earny. if i can get her to turn away from the treats for a second. we have elmo over here. >> jimmy: kids must go insane. >> he visit its children in hospitals. >> jimmy: on his own here, drives off to the hospital? this is an incredible dog. ha-ha. have you ever kiddeconsidered. is there a category at westminster dog show? >> not at westminster. coloring is frowned upon there. >> jimmy: that is racism. >> it is.

>> jimmy: guillermo. take "sesame street" over there. wow, i love that. all right. we have one more, right? two more. >> a pair. yeah. >> jimmy: this is great. >> you take the baby. >> jimmy: it is the simpsons family. >> the whole simpsons family. >> jimmy: the only dog to ever be sued by fox for copy right infringement. this is unbelievable. >> bart, lisa, marge up front, of course, can't forget about homer. >> and his trusty donut. >> jimmy: oh, wow and the donut. that is unbelievable. and i don't think, what is the baby, maggie here. >> maggie. >> maggie doesn't look that excited to be in this outfit.

ha-ha. maggie is, maggie is humiliated, let's be honest. >> oh. >> jimmy: maggie looks like twisted sister or something. thank you very much, kat. this is -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it was fun. i don't know how long it takes to -- i don't know how long it takes to grow their hair out, but, maybe you can come back at christmas time, make them into trees or something. >> jimmy: thank you, kat. tonight on the show, david arquette, and arcade fire. we'll be back after this with jennifer garner! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

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>> jimmy: tonight on the program. he has a new show called "dream school" on the sundance channel, david arquette is here. and then, their much-anticipated album "reflektor" came out today. playing from the roof of capitol records, arcade fire is here. tomorrow night, sir ben kingsley will be with, sir rob delaney will join us, we'll have music from no, no, no. and on halloween night, mindy kaling, joshua malina, and music from rob zombie. so join us then. >> jimmy: our first guest is an exceptionally talented and

appealing actress whom you know from too many things for any reasonable host to list. her latest, alongside matthew mcconaughey and jared leto, is called "dallas buyers club." it opens in theaters friday, please welcome jennifer garner. >> hi. >> jimmy: a red sox thing, huh? >> this is a red sox thing, yeah. >> jimmy: i thought i was ben's beard. it turns out it is you. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i likefestive. you didn't grow it yourself. i see elastic on the side. have you been watching, rooting for the red sox. >> no, jimmy, i just came out here in a beard, just because. can i take it off.

>> jimmy: take it off. it's disturbing. >> that's awesome. >> jimmy: shave that off one of the dogs. >> you know your job is weird when you have a dog that looks like sesame street. >> jimmy: most people don't get that at work. >> yes, the red sox all that is happening at my house. i don't know if kids are being fed. if trick-or-treat may be canceled if there is a game seven. yes. >> jimmy: is that part of the deal when you marry ben affleck, you can't come into the relationship. >> one of many deals that you make with the devil. yes, that is part indeed, that's part of the deal. lucki luckily, i really, you can't not fall for the red sox. >> jimmy: you are if you are from saint louis. >> in the dugout. >> jimmy: seems like they're having a lot of fun. does he get upset when they lose? >> once you get into the playoffs. it's a little bit like, wait, somebody just made an error now i have to change where i am

sitting on the couch. >> jimmy: superstitions. i do that. >> you had a hot dog at this time in the game yesterday and then so now we can't have, you know it's, it's a little bit ridiculous. the sweatshirt inside out. rally cap goes on. this happens. that happens. >> jimmy: perfectly reason yuab. >> he is not kidding. you go to a game. if they lose. he tells his friend. sorry, i have tickets for tomorrow. but you can't come. we lost because of -- >> jimmy: i thought i was the only one. when i was 12 years old. i was watching a dodgers game on the little tv, watch all the games. my dad walked in the room. i was upside down on the couch with my feet in the air. he goes are the dodgers winning in that position. i go, yeah. he goes, yeah, i do that too. it's like a thing. >> a weird guy thing. >> jimmy: it is. there have to be women who do it too. >> when they're frying trying t

pregnant. other witwise not so much. >> jimmy: i should aapproximately jaapologize for dragging your family into the kanye west feud. over now, thankfully. >> #nodisrespectben affleck, #alldisrespect jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: it has to be pretty great to have your own hash tag like that. >> i say that all the time. i said you look crazy, #nodisrespectbenaffleck. >> jimmy: does he look crazy? is there something going on? >> you know just on average day, that's how i might greet him in the morning. >> jimmy: speaking of looking crazy, this movie by the way is excellent that you are in. >> thank you. >> jimmy: math you mcconaughey, we will show a clip in a minute of this, math you mcconaughey.

when i saw him. >> so upsetting. worse in person. camera adds ten pounds in person. it was awful to see. jared leto as well. >> jimmy: looked like one of my aunt chippy's ex-boyfriend. i don't mean that as a compliment. i don't. did you meet aunt chippy at the wedding? you were at our wedding. >> we had a great time at your wedding. molly was beautiful. >> jimmy: who is molly. >> the most perfect, elegant, gorgeous bride. i'm sure backstage right now, she has her hair up in a thing with a pencil through it. >> jimmy: i may shave her head after the wedding. my superstition. >> had the best time. got to know a lot of your family. i am close with aunt chippy now. it turns out they know a lot about us. >> jimmy: about your family. >> i wonder, just what you are sharing? with your -- they just knew like stuff. >> jimmy: really? >> i told them not to talk to

any one named jennifer at the wedding. >> you clearly told your family not to talk to us. they sneaked, sneak over. oh, we know we are not. we are all at a wedding to gets. don't be crazy. >> jimmy: i know them well. what happens when a few drinks goes in, not a good result. i know, you would have to put them in your movies. they would probably move into your home. >> we have one, aunt chippy at our house. >> jimmy: yelling at your kids. i hope nothing weird happened. nothing weird happened. >> no we, had a great time. >> jimmy: i have a feeling you didn't. i'm nervous about this. there will be a full investigation, trust me on that. >> okay. >> jimmy: when we come back we'll show a clip from the movie, you have to see it. the movie is called "dallas buyers club" opens friday. jennifer garner is here. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] this is not just a laptop.

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>> what about your mom? >> mom was a painter. kind of a gypsy woman. yeah. she got tired of all the bull, that's how it is. >> did she paint this, your mom? >> yeah, yeah.

you ain't got to hang it or nothing. i know you like everything perfect. >> i do not. i will hang this. >> you do. >> i am going to hang this. >> yeah. >> don't you want to keep it? >> you enjoy it over there. you only got one. >> jimmy: jennifer garner! "dallas buyers club" what a good movie. >> they're skinny. >> all those boys lost 50 pounds. do you know how much i lost before i did this movie? 50 pounds has anybody given me a ticker tape parade? no. >> jimmy: part of that was a bab comie -y coming out. yeah, whatever. >> nobody is asking me, you lost

all that weight. >> jimmy: harder than not eating a sandwich. >> yeah, whatever. >> jimmy: how did they lose that much weight? >> they didn't eat. >> jimmy: guess that does it. >> jared looked like he was going to blow over in the wind. he had a dazed look. they would say action. and he would be present and go back, that might be how he is all the time. but, and then matthew just ate just a few 100 skal rcalories a. >> jimmy: where did you shoot the movie? >> new orleans. >> jimmy: terrible place. >> drive through daiquiri, the cheapest dates in the world. >> jimmy: i had a feeling, matthew made up for after the movie wrapped. >> i hope so. >> jimmy: what is in the bag? a present for me? >> the girls made for their dad, a rally cap. didn't know that's what they were making. take a red sock of his, get it. >> jimmy: he has red socks?

>> yeah. he did. >> jimmy: really. i didn't know anything. >> you learn something new about your boyfriend every day. #nodisrespectbenaffleck. he didn't want to wear this covered in glitter glue, that's what little girls do. then they started losing each of said you better put it on. he did. now he has worn it ever since. here it is. >> jimmy: wow. >> red sock. >> jimmy: what is ben going to wear? >> he has to have it tore tonight. >> jimmy: for me for the next minute. it's wet. >> glitter glue doesn't dry. >> jimmy: thank you. >> going to work every day covered in glitter. >> jimmy: thank you for the potentially poisonous gift. jennifer garner, go see "dallas buyers club." thank you, jennifer. we will be right back with david

arquette! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: i'm jimmy kimmel, and this is guillermo, we're getting ready for the office party. right, guillermo? >> guillermo: right. >> a new addition to any party, ciroc amaretto. ciroc has flavors. >> peach. red berry, coconut. and cherry almond flavor with ultrapremium vodka base. mix with cola, pineapple, cranberry juice or enjoy it on the rocks. >> guillermo: rocks! >> jimmy: try the new ciroc amaretto. remember, drink responsibly, right, guillermo. >> guillermo: right, drink

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(phone ringtone)

>> jimmy: we're back. still to come, arcade of fire. in a time of crisis for our education system, this nation turns to our next guest, you can see him teaching real kids, on the new show "dream school," monday nights on sundance channel. please welcome david arquette. >> jimmy: where did you get the pumpkin? >> i love the pumpkins. >> jimmy: thought it was a gift for me. you put it over there. two gifts for me i didn't get tonight. how are you doing? >> doing great. >> jimmy: everything all right? >> fantastic. >> jimmy: it is halloween time. usually in costume. >> halloween is for amateurs i

am dressed up all the time. >> jimmy: will you be on halloween? >> absolutely. i dressed up three times. >> jimmy: you did? >> as a skeleton, a gay biker, chaps. you have got to do chaps. i thought is was a gay thing. it is fun for everyone. >> jimmy: at what for an event for your children's school? where were you dressed like this? >> oh, god, no. they won't let me in any more. >> jimmy: what do you have saved up for thursday after that? >> i have an authentic bozo the clown costume made. no, don't laugh. i take my costumes very seriously. i became friend with larry harmon. the guy who made bozo. bozo the world's most famous clown. a great guy. we had been working together on bringing bozo back. he passed away. it was sad. i loved the guy. >> jimmy: now if you bring him back that would be amazing.

>> bozo will live on forever. but he passed away. i said, sent balloons to his funeral, a bozo balloon. >> jimmy: you did? >> what are you going to send bozo at the funeral? >> jimmy: bozo doesn't want a wreath. they kept replacing bozo. was he buried in the? >> no he wasn't that would be funny. maybe i will be, maybe i will be buried mine new costume. >> jimmy: close the lid, the nose squekaks. >> that's not my nose. >> jimmy: you are involved in nightclubs, co-owner, promoter of. >> i am an owner, one is bootsie bellows. and another. it is named after my mother. i was 1.

flipping through a pin-up magazine books. i love pin-ups. nudity. i love ass-less chaps. i am flipping through the book. finding a picture of my mother naked in the shower. then a couple pages down. there is four pictures of her having a cat fight in lingerie and garter belts with another girl. yeah, we got a fetish guy out there. lingerie. >> jimmy: one way to get your son to stop looking at dirty magazines, put a naked picture of your, yourself, in the magazine. >> yes, yes, true. i don't know. it might have been an oedipis thing. i went to her, mom, what is going on here? she says, oh, david, we weren't really fighting. >> jimmy: oh. >> so at least, violence really

is the worst. priorities straight. nudity not as bad. >> jimmy: you have the pictures i happen to know in your nightclub. >> in my nightclubme. in that moment, mom, did you ever strip or anything? well, i did burlesque dance. my name was bootsy bellows. we took all the pictures we could find of her, magazine covers and put them all over the club and put some in the bathroom. my family, my brother richmond came, he went to the bathroom. he was at the urinal. he was like, david? i forgot. i can't go to the bathroom at your club. i got something in my hand. i'm watching. >> jimmy: normal member of the arquette family, it is richmond. tell us about the idea that you are a teacher on the show. >> yes. >> jimmy: what are you teaching? >> i am their home room teacher

and i teach them some drama. >> jimmy: that makes sense. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i imagine you as a kid being the worst student in the class for the teacher. >> you would be surprised, jimmy. i was on the dean any list. >> jimmy: the dean's what, the dean's [ bleep ] list? >> no. i got good grades. >> jimmy: you did? >> earlier i wasn't getting good grades. got in the drama program. got a real sort of direction. >> jimmy: is that the idea of the show. trying to give the kids a direction? >> yeah, 15 kids just about to drop out of school. and 15 celebrity teachers, su zechlt -- orman. 50 cent. 50 cent is executive producer on the show. and you shouldn't probably shouldn't unless you want to get in another twitter war.

>> jimmy: well said. the school is dream school. monday nights at 10:00 on sun dance channel. david arquette, professor david arquette. back with arcade fire! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

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the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank jennifer garner, david arquette, and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. nightline is next, but first, their new album, reflektor, came out today. here with the song "flashbulb eyes" from the roof of the historic capitol records, arcade fire. ♪ ♪ what if the camera really do take your soul ♪ ♪ oh no

♪ what if the camera really do take your soul ♪ ♪ oh no ♪ hit me with your flashbulb eyes ♪ ♪ hit me with your flashbulb eyes ♪ ♪ you know i've got nothing to hide ♪ ♪ you know i got nothing no i got nothing ♪ ♪ what if the camera really do take your soul ♪ ♪ oh no ♪ what if the camera really do take your soul ♪ ♪ oh no ♪ hit me with your flashbulb eyes ♪ ♪ hit me with your flashbulb eyes ♪

♪ you know i've got nothing to hide ♪ ♪ you know i got nothing no i got nothing ♪ ♪ hit me with your flashbulb eyes ♪ ♪ hit me with your flashbulb eyes ♪ ♪ you know i've got nothing to hide ♪ ♪ you know i got nothing no i got nothing ♪ no i got nothing ♪ ♪ hit me with your flashbulb eyes ♪