tonight, joshua molina and our halloween pageant. and don't be afraid, here's jimmy kimmel!

>> hello and welcome. my name is snow. thank you for watching. thank you for coming here. happy halloween, everybody. what do you think? beautiful, right? i'm wearing a pair of spanx underneath this. you mean the po tell me no one questions the fact that prince charming was going around kissing unconscious women? he sounds like a real creep to me. i was either going to be snow white or walter white but i thought there were already enough of those so i chose to be a disney princess. everyone on our show is a disney princess tonight including guermo. as you are dressed as. >> i am jasmine. >> you're what the?

>> i'm jasmine. >> you're belly is hairy. >> the flying carpet on his stomach and our band is dressed up. who are you? >> cinderella. >> you look very lovely. and this is princess bell? >> jonathan, who are you? >> rapunzel. >> and you're molan? who are you? >> sleeping beauty. >> you look beautiful. and what the hell are you? pocha hontas. >> and the most beautiful of all is our announcer, dickey. who are you? >> i'm ariel, the little mermaid.

>> do you think the boys back home in boston would appreciate your beauty tonight? >> i feel like i'm being punished, believe it or not. >> that is true. last night. his favorite team won the world series and tonight he's dressed as a mermaid on television. there's a question about life in there somewhere but i'm not sure what it is. the red sox beat the cardinals, st. louis, last night. and the red sox fans were very excited but maybe none more excited than this enthusiastic gentleman. >> you were there? >> i was. >> describe it for me. >> absolutely insane, best night of my life. biggest win in years, baby! >> in your life? you said your life? >> pretty much. i have a pretty bad life! >> that went down real fast. i've never seen such a cheerful cry for help and while most red sox fans celebrated peacefully some did not. nine people were arrested for what they call unruly behavior. i never heard of that crime

before. if you're up familiar with the specific definition of it, this is it. this is it. >> i'm a little spooked. it's getting spooky! >> for some reason, they decided to overturn this vehicle. nobody was in it. >> jimmy: shouldn't everyone from boston fly there and destroy their city? i really kind of hate that i have to work on halloween, not because i like halloween but i like to answer the door when trick-or-treaters come to my house. i like to see the kids dressed up. i don't give them candy. instead of sugar i give them constructive criticism on their costu costume, i think they appreciate it. sometimes they bring me fresh

eggs in my window. here in hollywood wood every night is halloween. every year on halloween, the lapd outlaws silly string. apparently people started bringing it and spraying it. and now there are signs everywhere. they're kind of confusing. show that sign we took a picture of. a thousand dollar fine is in quotes for some reason and then at the bottom, it says -- it is illegal to possess use, sell or distribute silly string and the word "illegal" is also in quotes which makes me think it's not illegal. like, technically, guam blank is illegal but how much do you want to put on the broncos. so silly string is not permitted in hollywood on halloween. it's a terrible -- i really feel bad for the hollywood boulevard spiderman because that's what he uses. now he's forced to fight his enemy with cheese whiz or something. if you're the parent of a young child i'll invite you to participate in our third annual

youtube challenge. we asked our viewers to pretend they eight l ate all their kids malwean candy and send us the video of how the child reacts to the news. we get a lot of great responses but probably my favorite of them all was a video starring two young brothers from long island names c.j. and jake. >> i ate all your candy. no more halloween candy left! >> who ate it? mom! >> don't you guys think you ate enough candy last night? >> no. i only had one bite of candy. are you serious? you want to see what i had? he'll probably get a belly ache why did you eat so much candy? >> mom, that's two. >> two what? >> two bags of candy.

>> two plus two equals five. >> you were so close. i went to a lot of houses. >> i know. >> i ate it all. it tasted so good. especially the peanut butter cup. >> you did not! >> jimmy: i've seen that video a hundred times. if you would like to play along, tomorrow morning, or sometime in the next day, tell your kid you ate all their halloween candy while they were asleep. really sell it. put a jellybean up your nose. smear some chocolate. be creative and up load your video to youtube on hey jimmy kimmel i told my kid i ate their halloween candy and we'll show it next week which will be a lot of fun for us. and some more bad news for kids tonight. parts of texas to midwest and the northeast were hit with thunderstorms, rain and strong winds today.

so hopefully, you didn't dress your child as a kite. there were flash flooded in boston and ft. wayne and indiana, they had their second wettest halloween so if your strike or treating was rained out legally you're entitled to show up on your neighbor's porch demanding candy any night between now and thanksgiving and they'll have to give it to you or they'll be arrested. the new apple ipad aired -- i have a apple in my hand. it goes on sale tomorrow. i'm not sure if i'll get it right away or wait two weeks until next ipad comes out but it ranging in price from $429 to $929. randomly when you go to the store they tell you how much yours is going to cost. supposedly the newer one is thinner, lighter and faster and people are already lined up around outside apple stores to get one around the world. you have to hand it to apple. not only do they get us interested in their products they get us interested in camping for their product.

in you do get the ipad, you will more likely be able to use it in the air. for the first time in history the faa made a good decision. they announced today they will no longer rierp passengers to turn their electronic device off during take-off and landing which is great news. like the people really turn off their device. it's up to each individual airline to decide when they change their policy and there will still be a few restrictions. your device has to have airplane mode so it doesn't send or receive data so you can look at your data. it caused plane to crash. why were not they checking to make sure we did which i never could turn it off? i'm going to see how far i can take it. next time i fly i'm going to bring an air hockey table with me. our eighth annual half and

half costume pageant where we mash two costumes together to make one very unique costume. last time we did it -- >> i think i hear the door bell, come on in. >> trick or treat. >> well, who are you, young man? >> i'm ronald mcdonald trump. >> ronald mcdonald trump. >> trick or treat. >> what is your name? >> chick chainy. >> we have some good ones for you this year. that's coming up next. before we get to all that, it's thursday night and time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not this week in "unnecessary censorship." >> in jail after being accused of [ bleep ] -- >> tonight they looked like a mike dantonio team they were [bleep]ing up all over the place. >> they're celebrating in the stands and on the field and

they're celebrating outside fenway. there is more to come -- >> and [ bleep ] from our d.c. newsroom. >> britney spears is helping [ bleep ] somali pirates -- >> and the marshmallow -- >> i me some good [ bleep ]. >> white, preferably. >> and the gooey stuff on the inside, what do you do with it when it comes gushing out? >> i never thought these [ bleep ]ers want now. >> something on the short man that might be long. >> [ bleep ]. >> very same high school attracted national attention because the then principal united states lawed twerking and bleepi [bleep]ing takes two. he outlawed twerking.

>> jimmy: we have our eighth an i'll halloween half and half costume pageant so don't you die on me. staor like this...... and hit the start button to flip back and forth. you can make the important things big, keep the small stuff small, and arrange it all around you. you can be all work with office, all play, or even both at the same time. you can do it all simpler and easier on your windows tablet, pc, or surface. that's the new windows: one experience for everything in your life. [ growls ] ♪ [ growls ] [ male announcer ] jim beam honey. and also try jim beam maple. ♪

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hey, guys. sorry we're late. milk looks warm. finally got the gang together: maple brown sugar, strawberry, blueberry. yeah, a little family reunion. strawberry, your whole grains are showing. ooops! [ female announcer ] try frosted mini-wheats hot or cold. in 8 delicious flavors.

♪ music plays

. >> jimmy: welcome back. in case you're wondering why i'm dressed like this. we have our guests coming up but now out beloved halloween tradition. every year we take half of one costume and half of another costume and combine them to form one amazing hybrid costume. for instance, if you have -- i'll explain it to you guys because you have to guess. . you have half of a cinnamon roll

costume and half of a bono costume, you become cinnabono. very good. i'll ask the members of the studio audience, anyone to guess what the costumes are and with that said we're pleased to present our eighth annual half and half halloween pageant. jasmine, do i hear the door bell ringing? i think i did hear the door bell ringing. all right. now, our first half and half halloween costume is, anybody have a guess? very good, that's exactly right. tell us what you are? >> miley cyclops. >> well done. >> jimmy: well done. all right. get the door there. it's ringing. oh, look at this. yeah.

give us the side view of your costume there. all right. anybody? you're close. tell us what you are dressed as. >> my little wayne. >> jimmy: i think he's chasing a rainbow right now. all right. our next trick or treater are is a little bit more complicated. you got half of it. >> "real housewives of new jersey." >> jimmy: that's right. aren't they beautiful? thank you, real housewives. get them out of the way. we have someone else at the door. usually trick-or-treaters go out the door. this looks easy.

do you know? here we go. what did you say what is your name? >> moose springsteen. >> jimmy: pretty good. moose springsteen can't see anything. he's running right now. and next up? all right. this one is not as easy as the last one. >> trick or treat. >> jimmy: does anybody know? you're close. what did you say? >> honey boo bot. >> jimmy: look at that. [ door bell ringing ] jerk thank you, honey boo bot. >> jimmy: thank you, honey boo

bot. what have we here? a condidment based on a very popular book. what is that? what is your name? >> 50 shades of grey poupon. >> jimmy: that's exactly right. you guys are good at this. [ door bell ringing ] >> jimmy: somebody is at our door. oh, my goodness. look at this. wow! wo wow! >> trick or treat! >> jimmy: we'll take a trick. do you know who this is? we know it's larry king. >> jerry king geoffrey.

>> jimmy: look at him. that's his natural hair, too, folks. look at that. wow, the halloween pageant. you guys were much better at that than i imagined. i think we made a love connection there, too, it looks like. king geoffrey and princess jasmine. thanks to all models and especially the larry king. and tonight from "scandal." joshua malina. we' stick around!

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hello and welcome back. jimmy: tonight on the show, he plays federal prosecutor david rosen on scandal, joshua malina is here. and then, with music from this album called "venomous rat regeneration vendor" which is actually the job i had before this one, rob zombie from the sony outdoor stage. next week, the mighty god of thunder, chris hemsworth will be with, as will dr. phil, vince vaughn, rob lowe, artie lange, erin andrews, mark consuelos, columbus short, and we'll have music from nine inch nails, st. lucia, florida georgia line, and jane's addiction.

vine us for those shows. our first guest tonight is here to soothe the toxic stew of milk duds, candy corn, and twizzlers churning in your stomach right. she's the writer, creator, producer and star of her own show called "the mindy project". watch it tuesdays at 9:30 on fox, please welcome mindy kaling. >> jimmy: you look great. >> thank you. >> jimmy: did you make that yourself? you're prince, right? >> okay. happy halloween. >> jimmy: happy halloween to you, too. >> what the hell? i thought we were going as

disney villains. that was the memo i got. >> jimmy: you're a villain and i'm a disney princess. >> i would have loved to have dressed as a beautiful disney princess. i could be -- i would have been a great princess jasmine. >> jimmy: we already have a princess jasmine and there's only so many princesses in the disney world. how are you doing? >> cut off my hand for that. >> jimmy: oh, no. it's weird who somebody plays an obgyn on television has a hook for a hand. >> that's why i'm mad about this mix-up. i would have love to born miy md riff in a sexy costume. with sexy halloween costumes women get to look sexy. i love that men get at this tex that. but it's not a lot of sexy dude

costumes for women to look at ji. >> jimmy: i know. we got like bam-bam. some of these guys up here were pretty sexy. that's sexy. men look like big basis when they're dressed up for halloween. >> if you were a woman, for a guy you're like, a shapely woman looking like she wants to have sex with me. but with women, you're like, i want him to have like a diploma and a nice haircut. and a health insurance card. and that doesn't mean it's good for halloween. >> jimmy: what was your favorite costume as a kid? >> i was a very shy kid. and a very like obedient and good kid so i was always some version of a witch. my parents didn't want to spend money on costumes so they tried to jazz it up every year. at the rich kids' school they would wear like whatever. they could be miley cyrus or

whatever and i would be like, a picnic blanket. my parents had like a bed shoot and throw ants on it or something like that. a bed sheet. you never knew what gender i was. >> jimmy: i was a wolfman every year because all you had to do was wear a flannel shirt and i would smear my face with mud and i had crazy hair to start with. >> if you came to my door looking like that i would shoot you. which is something that would be terrifying. >> jimmy: it wasn't terrifying at all. it barely looked like i was in costume. it just looked like i got dirty in the street. >> did you trick or treat late in you're -- >> jimmy: i didn't love trike r trick-or-treating. i'm not that into halloween, to be honest with you. i don't like candy but i don't like piñatas and i don't like begging for candy at people's houses. i don't like when women dress up in sexy costumes. i'm not interested.

it's a little much, that's all. i think halloween is for children and yet, here i sit, a princess. >> yeah, you look amazing. >> jimmy: i have hypocrisy written all over me. >> your breasts are bigger than mine. i really enjoy it. >> jimmy: my stomach is bursting out of this thing. did you guys have a thing at your office, a halloween party there? >> this year, we did not. we usually do. for guys, they don't like the discomfort. you're probably wearing tights and all kinds of crazy things. >> jimmy: i'm wearing shorts under here. >> so you're comfortable. >> jimmy: no, not really. it's not really meant for men. >> it's worth it. you took your writing staff on a retreat to las vegas? >> i thought it would be smart to take my writers to the intellectual hub-bub, the

writing staff, to hang out. but my writing staff is a bunch nerds and vegas is not good if you don't have a lot of stimulation. that's where you lose people if you bring understimulating nerds to vegas. like on the second night, they were like might fall in love with a stripper and i might lose them. they might their wife but you and your friend are cool. you grew up there so you won't fall for that rookie stuff. >> jimmy: and no women would talk to me the whole time i was living there so it was no problem at all. did you have any problems like that? i hope you didn't lose anybody. >> we went to see the michael ji jackson show and i went to sleep at like 11:00. >> jimmy: so there was really no reason to go to las vegas at all? >> it was a reason to get on the airplane which you don't feel like. >> jimmy: but they were not naked. >> no. they were in their juicy couture

outfits preparing to be nakenak >> jimmy: if you want to see a stripper, get on the flight from vegas to burbank on a monday morning. >> like the strippers are thinking about the course their lives have taken. it's very interesting. >> jimmy: i want to ask you about the show because the show, by the way, is very funny. my wife and i watch it all the time. >> thank you. >> jimmy: a show like "the office" where you're part of a team and there's a lot of people putting this thing together. mostly, for you, to being a, again, the star, the creator and the writer, the producer, the boss, the person that takes everyone to las vegas, how do you do it do you ask somebody, how do i do this? >> it's so much fun to be the boss. >> jimmy: you think so? >> i mean it's great. i get the final say but i had to learn some like little driks

li tricks like there's a lunch cart and early on, a friend of mine, boomer, he created "malcolm in the middle" and he said on a show called "the mindy project" you can't have them write your name on your lunch. and i was like, why? and he said if they hate your show they'll do things to your lunch so i had to go by pseudonym. >>. >> jimmy: so you call and say we're ordering lunch for "game of thrones?" >> no. you put the lunches out and instead of mine, my name is peggy. now everyone knows.

and they're not going to put peggy food. what if they're like really just fundamental uses and it's like, that girl goes on too many dates and she's not married. >> jimmy: what if they want to give you an extra snack? >> you're right. >> jimmy: congratulations on the success of your show. if you haven't seen it it's called "the mindy project tuesday night on fox. mindy kaling, everybody. we'll be right back. we'll be right back with joshua malina. portions of "jimmy kimmel live" brought to you by --

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k cheejalapeños, bacon, tomato and avocado. the all-in-one, xbox one. i call it, "the avocado da vinci". create your om'lart with denny's build your own omelette menu. jimmy: you know our next guest as crusading attorney david rosen on the hugely popular show "scandal." watch it thursday nights at 10 here on abc please welcome joshua malina.

>> jimmy: you look absolutely beautiful. >> i feel pretty. >> jimmy: you are -- >> perhaps the greatest disney princess of all time, olivia pope from "scandal". >> jimmy: you could walk around like that and get away with it. >> this isn't full julianne heough. >> jimmy: did you warn your children daddy would be dressing like a woman?

>> i had a final check with my daughter. she said, you look fine. >> jimmy: she did? >> yes. >> jimmy: how old is she? >> she's 15. but instinctively she has a sense that it's putting clothes on her back. >> jimmy: she knows you have dressed as a woman before? is this the first time? >> this is the first time in a public forum. >> jimmy: i happen to know one thing about you and that's that you're a prankster and you like to trick. >> i don't know that i'm in your league. >> jimmy: you do things to your co-workers which i love to hear these stories. >> i like to harass my castmat.s >> jimmy: who do you like to harass in particular? >> castle. >> i go from the unsophisticated and i often will on the inside of trailer door handles, coat it with a proprietary blend of toothpaste and vaseline and i

like to a small fish hidden in the trailer. a sardine or a smell or a little bit of shad will do in a pinch. if you want to prank, you can do no better than to consult with an 11-year-old and among 11-year-olds you can do no better than to consult with my son, avi and he turned me on to a website of dubious legalities that allows you to call people on their phone and to push whatever caller i.d. you'd like them to see so it appears to be coming from a new york police department or whatever. so i do a lot of calling my fellow castmates from chaunda rimes show and you can alter your voice to sound like a man or a woman and not yooishs so i'll leave calls from her assistant saying -- we need to talk to you immediately. again, this was often an entire

night. >> jimmy: this is a good tip for everyone in mindy's office. >> i would shoot them. i wouldn't just fire them i would kill them. how -- didn't they think it was fun? >> no. >> jimmy: no one saw -- people show up and are you there to witness what happens or -- >> i like to hide. more of those people avoiding calling chandra back. one came up to me and it was finally revealed they said, i spent the entire night awake which leads me to he's probably done something. >> jimmy: a guilty conscious. have you done anything to chandra herself? >> >> jimmy: do you think she would take it well? >> i think she would. >> jimmy: who does not take it well? >> kerri. she's a monster. but she's the first

african-american woman in over 40 years to lose the emmy for best actress in a drama. >> jimmy: that's well worth the applause. you do it always on these shows you work on or just this one? >> it goes back to "west wing" days. i played long ball then. bradley whitford, back when he was still pursuing acting, he and i have a long-standing rooiv valerie and i would go into his trailer when he wasn't on the set and see what i could find and i found personalized stationary and sold it for a year and the following year jimmie smitt joined the cast and janelle maloney who played donna, she came up with the idea to send a dozen roses to jimmy from brad with a suddenly homoerotic like, i really like

working with you. apparently, i wasn't there for the moment but apparently it was extremely awkward. and brad came up to me and explain why jimmy said, nice what i got my girl. jimmy didn't know and six months later i thought he knew and it sort of came up and i was talking about it and he found out it wasn't -- so i had done it and here he wouldn't shake my hand for a while. >> he was also not amuse. >> jimmy: so you were very unpopular in general? and that stationary thing, great tip for kids, if you get ahold of somebody's stationary, you don't have to get ahold of it, you can make stationary with someone's name on it. >> this is true ji. >> jimmy: and you can send letters or make wedding invitations. no law against this. mindy, do you have a problem with this? >> this is bad. very demented. this is illegal. i just wanted -- thank you.

i'm going to go as a homosexual next year. i have the costume. but those are terrible things. what if it was like, i love you too, bradley. >> then i would have brought them together. and years later when the show ended we all went on "ellen" as a cast and she gave us cake and i saw jimmy lean over to richard chippendale and he said, i give you $5,000 to smush that in joshua's face and i took off but they hunt med down and i took it in the face. >> jimmy: who minds a little bit of cake in the face. i know mindy doesn't approve but i approve highly of what you're doing over there at "scandal." no greater pleasure for me to give someone ideas who can wrooirk havoc with them and i get out unscathed joshua malina. everybody and mindy kaling.

we'll be back. we'll be back with rob zombie. to those who've encountered welcome to covered california. new, affordable health plans so you can be ready for whatever comes your way. enroll today at coveredca.com. yeah, i dream about bacon. [sfx] wham! so i'm bringing back the blt cheeseburger combo. a juicy jumbo beef patty loaded with hickory smoked bacon and melting cheese plus fries and a drink for just $4.99.

but this isn't a dream. it's just a video from my last birthday party.

out of time. nightline is next, but first, this is his album, "venomous rat regeneration vendor" here covering a classic from the grand funk railroad, rob zombie. ♪ ♪ on the road for forty days last night in little rock put me in a haze sweet sweet ♪

♪ connie wasnt doin her act she had the whole show and that's a natural fact up ♪ ♪ all night with kerry king i got to tell you poker's his thing a-booze 'n ladies keep ♪ ♪ me right as long as we can make it to the show tonight we're an american band ♪ ♪ we're an american band ♪ ♪ we're coming to your town we'll help you party it down we're an american band ♪ ♪ ♪ chaquitas in omaha was waitin' for the band to return from the show

feelin' good feelin' right t's saturday night ♪ ♪ the hotel detective he was out-a-sight yeah now these fine ladies they had a plan they was out to meet the ♪ boys in the band they said come on dudes let's get it on and we proceeded to tear that hotel down ♪ ♪ we're an american band ♪ we're an american band we're an american band we're coming to your party it down ♪ ♪ we're an american band ♪ hey, hey, hey we're an american band we're an american band ♪

♪ we're coming to your town we'll help you party it down we're an american band we're an american band ♪ ♪ we're an american band we're coming to your town we'll help you party it down we're an american band ♪ hey hey hey [ applause ]

♪ i want to tell you about dead city radio man and the new gods of supertown yeah a world of magic lanterns and chemical blues ♪ ♪ a world where x stands of the unknow and y is the zero yeah sluggish drones assault my radio twenty mortal lashes of grotesque ♪ ♪ audio glittering fountains misspent youth i'm a rhinestone tiger in a leisure suit turn it up turn it up turn it up oh ♪ ♪ yeah we listen to the radio dead radio i'll tell you one thing man nothing