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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  November 6, 2013 11:35pm-12:36am PST

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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight dr. phil mcgraw, erin andrews and music from florida georgia line. with cleto and the cletones.
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and now hour, do you like this? here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ indiscernible ] >> jimmy: i know there are so many things you could be doing with your wednesday night. you could be sleeping, reading, could be making love. oh, wait a minute you are making love. did any of you vote yesterday? yeah, right. it's all right. you will get to it eventually. the city of new york has a new mayor, bill de blasio.
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and chris christie. the measure in portland, maine, the first city to legalize recreational use of marijuana. [ applause ] joint is a m-- >> jimmy: it is legal for adults to possess 2.5 ounces of marijuana. a lot. like a zip lock bag. enough to get an elephant stoned. which would be hilarious by the way. the measure passed by 70% of voters said yes to marijuana. there is not an nba team in maine. that is rob ford is still mayor after admitting he smoked crack in office. reason he admitted this, they report lead have a video of him smoking crack. a video he claimed did not exist
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until last week. mayor ford changed his story from i did not smoke crack to i did smoke crack. says he was probablieny ein a drunken stupor when he smoked it. he was not sure. he was on crack. he says he wants to see the video for confirmation. he said he does not have a drug or alcohol problem. just as confusing as it sound. to get more clarity on this. we contacted the may your's office. surprisingly enough the mayor agreed to speak with us via skype. he joins us now, hello, mayor ford. awe thank you for having me. >> you have had a tough week, huh? >> oh, yeah, it's had its ups and downs for sure. >> jimmy: must have been hard for you to finally admit smoking crack after telling everyone that you don't smoke crack. >> wait a minute. hold that right there. let me ask you something, did i
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admit to smoking crack? >> jimmy: yeah, you did. yesterday you did. >> wow. wow. are you certain of this sns. >> jimmy: yes. saw it on the news. did you smoke crack? >> do i smoke crack? no. did i smoke crack? i think so. but, the question is, will i smoke crack? >> jimmy: yeah, a good question. will you continue to smoke crack? >> how could i continue to do something i don't do. >> jimmy: you said you did it. >> no, no, no. i said i did it. i didn't said i do it. big difference. >> jimmy: but you did say that you. >> sir, sir, sir, have you ever been in a drunken stupor. >> jimmy: i never smoked crack. >> have you ever been in a drunken stupor? >> jimmy: yes, i am not the
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mayor. >> i was in a drunken stupor. why am i being held accountable for something that i did in a drunken stupor? does that sound fair to you? >> jimmy: yeah, actually it does sound fair. >> what happens in a drunken stupor staysen ein a drunken. stupor. unless some [ bleep ] video tapes it. >> have you kiddconsidered givip alcohol? >> that is ridiculous. >> jimmy: why? >> if the good people of toronto want me to stop, they can stroet stroet -- they can vote me out next october. >> jimmy: smoking crack cocaine in office and lying about it for month yooz are not stepping down. >> if i was going to step down for something i did while in a drunken stupor. it would not be for smoking
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crack. >> jimmy: have you done things worse than that? >> in a drunken stupor? >> sure. >> jimmy: like what? >> baby smuggling. grave robbing. cannibalism. you name it. >> jimmy: that is quite a list. >> yeah, i know. you should have seen the tapes. >> jimmy: mayor rob ford. thank you very much. pleasure to speak to you. >> thank you for having me. jimmy, jimmy, quickly, is it true that you have dr. phil on your show tonight? >> jimmy: yes, we do have dr. phil on the show. >> do me a favor and tell him to call me, please? >> jimmy: yes, i will. i will. >> just for a friend, okay. okay. this meeting is adjourned. >> jimmy: thank you, mayor rob ford. finally. an honest politician. [ cheers and applause ] probably shouldn't make fun, because there is a fierce political debate going on in this country over something on
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spongebob square pants. monday, nickelodeon will air episode, sponge bob, gets fired. sponge bob begins begging mun money on the street. somehow this blot has become a political allegory. because sort of "new york post" said sponge bob is mooching off social services. liberal media manners, applied fox news is using the episode to attack low wage workers. >> are any of the parties aware they're debating the motives of a cartoon sponge. i don't think it was nickelodeon's intention to make commentary. or sponge bob is a right-winger. i wonder what he and pat wreck are up to. they have a new episode next week that seems to take this, a
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agenda, a step further. >> on a two hour episode, spongebobrick visit the obama care website. sponge bob square pants. only on nickelodeon. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: maybe sponge bob is a republican. here's a weird story. in dallas, this story confirms one of my deeply held beliefs. if you are going to have a near death experience make it funny. >> dallas police believe a sleepy driver behind the wheel fatigued crashed a pickup truck into a mattress store. it ran deep inside the sleep expert store. the driver wasn't hurt. >> she sound disappointed. fortunately she ran right into the memory foam. according to the police report. this is not the first time this woman has done something like this. you see, here she is, picking up. a cake for her mother's
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birthday. you see there is, more video. see right here trying to buy lottery tech ets lot lott lottery tickets at a convenience store. sheer she is, pulling into, oh, yeah, a record store. later that day, meeting her dad for dinner at a diner. and finally, this its footage of her showing up late for work. at, a hospital or something like that. her insurance premiums must be -- through the wall. how can any one fall asleep at the wheel when there is so much texting to be done. researchers at university of tokyo invented a robot. the jankin robot. robot cannot be defeated at rock p paper scissors. it wins every time. there it is. see here, look like a hand. beats the human hand over and over and over again. it senses hand movement. it can tell this robot can tell
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whether you are about to show rock, paper scissors. it cheats really. it has the potential to become the most powerful cheating robot since arnold schwarzenegger became governor of california. [ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] should we skip to the game? a fun game, doesn't make any sense. we are going to do it tonight. we played this before. it involves guillermo. time to play "guess what animal is on guillermo's head?" >> jimmy: that's guillermo. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ hi, gym mow. >> guillermo: hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: blindfolded can you
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see anything at all? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: you have got a lot of gel in your hair tonight. crucial. we played this. remember how the game works? >> yeah, unfortunately. >> jimmy: he doesn't like the game. put an animal on guillermo's head. you can ask, three questions to find out what answer. if you guess one correctly, you will win a prize, okay. >> okay. >> jimmy: very good. bring out animal expert. here with animal number one, the famous turtle man from animal planet, ernie brown jr. from "call of the wild." hello. how are you? all right, now guillermo do you hear ernie behind you? >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: are you concerned at all? >> no, it is okay. >> jimmy: okay. ernie, put that -- animal. on guillermo's head.
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are the animal as ls allergic tr gel. go ahead, ask questions. >> guillermo: is the head very big? >> two fists size. >> jimmy: yeah, a big one. next question. >> guillermo: oh, is the animal can be indoor or outdoor? both? >> jimmy: not a yes or no question. >> it would be more outdoor. >> jimmy: what kind of, yeah, outdoor animal. >> guillermo: oh, ow. >> jimmy: what does it feel like on your head? >> guillermo: oh, terrible. >> you'll probably have warts. >> jimmy: guillermo, one more guess. did you hear that, warts? >> guillermo: i can give it as a gift? >> jimmy: can you give it as a gift? >> no, no gift.
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you couldn't buy that for a girlfriend, would you, jimmy. >> jimmy: do you have a guess what the animal its. >> guillermo: oh. oh. >> jimmy: it is getting mad. guess fast. >> a parrot. >> jimmy: lift up your blindf d blindfold. you've will see that what is on your head is, you know what that its. >> guillermo: frog. >> yeah. a frog. >> jimmy: we will take a break and when we come back we have more animals. we have one head. we are going to play the exciting conclusion to "guess what animal is on guillermo's head." stay right here, guillermo. all right?
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i love chalk and erasers. but change is coming. all my students have the brand new surface. it has the new windows and comes with office, has a real keyboard, so they can do real work. they can use bing smartsearch to find anything in the world... or last night's assignment. and the battery lasts and lasts, so after school they can skype, play games, and my favorite...do homework. change is looking pretty good after all. ♪
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>> jimmy: welcome back. dr. phil, erin andrews, and florida georgia line on the way. a hostage situation or about to make a horrible sex tape. we are in the midst of an exciting game called guess what animal is on guillermo's head? and put an animal on guillermo's head. have to guess. three guesses you. like this game, guillermo? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: turtleman ernie brown jr. from animal planet handling the critters tonight. go get another one, ernie. >> get it now. >> jimmy: grab another. bring it out. oh. when people make noises like that does it concern you, guillermo?
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>> guillermo: i think it is terrible. >> jimmy: do you feel that? go ahead. go ahead make guesses now. >> guillermo: this animal need a lot of exercise? >> they run all night long. night time critter. >> eat meat? >> he eats dead meat. seen this come out of a dead cow one time. >> jimmy: drooling on you. >> guillermo: oh, man. >> jimmy: don't worry, guillermo, you are arrive. oh, it is drooling all over you. >> yeah, they do a lot of drooling. if it bites you it can be bacterial. >> jimmy: let's hope it is not bacterial. >> only if it bites you. >> jimmy: if you make a guess, we'll get this over with. >> ah, ah, ah.
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>> you don't want the tail wrapped around your neck. might choke you. >> alligator. >> jimmy: take off your mask. guillermo and it is an -- oppossum. or chupucabra. grab the next animal. two more. >> two more. >> jimmy: oh, boy. oh, boy. [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: guillermo? >> guillermo: it fly. it fly. >> jimmy: do they fly? >> yes, they fly. answering the questions. >> jimmy: ask the questions directly to the animal.
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>> do you eat red meat? >> no. >> jimmy: no red meat. >> guillermo: in the watt tear? >> in the water on the land. >> jimmy: no jungle. >> guillermo: no jungle. that one. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: what is it? >> guillermo: ah, ah, ah. >> sound look a car horn. >> guillermo: duck, duck. is it a duck. >> jimmy: you were very close. duck, duck, goose. all the. one more. one more. >> all right. one more. >> jimmy: okay. are you ready for the last one, guillermo. you know how this goes, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. don't worry. here comes our next. >> jimmy: oh, boy.
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>> guillermo: [ bleep ]. >> what this one is. >> jimmy: make a guess. >> guillermo: kids can play with it? >> jimmy: kids could play with it, yeah. >> he heals them up. he can make them cry too. >> guillermo: how big can he get? >> jimmy: what do you think? over 6 foot long. over 6 foot long. >> guillermo: oh, wow. it is not a dog? >> jimmy: not a dog. guillermo, guess. what animal is on your head?
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>> probably see them every single day. see them every single day. >> guillermo: oh. ooh. >> live action. >> guillermo: a chicken. >> jimmy: is it a chicken. lift up your mask, gym mow. is it a chicken. what chicken is 6 feet long. >> guillermo: oh. >> jimmy: dr. phil. >> guillermo: oh, dr. phil. >> jimmy: it is a human. >> i think, would have a hard time explaining to robin why i have gel and possum drool on my chin. >> jimmy: like being back home. a gift, courtesy of dr. phil. >> something i want to give you. how to get that animal off your head. >> jimmy: there you go.
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thank you, guillermo. we'll be right back, with erin andrews, and music from florida georgia line. so come on back. it's an extremely simple tool. but also extremely powerful. it could be used to start a poem. or finish a symphony. it's been to classrooms, boardrooms, even to space. and we can't wait to see where you'll take it next. introducing the thinner, lighter, more powerful ipad air.
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>> jimmy: tonight on the program erin andrews is here, we have music from florida georgia line and the new album on november 25th. tomorrow night. rob lowe, columbus short from "scandal" and nine inch nails first time ever on network television. when soccer mom madams, troubled teens and the imaginary girlfriends of college football players need to talk on television, they turn to our first guest. he's the hairy-lipped host of the top-rated talk show on television please welcome dr. phil mcgraw.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: how you doing? >> good. i am doing all right. how about yourself? >> jimmy: doing well. >> i have a ben one to pick wit you. >> jimmy: what did i do? >> i have a magazine. >> jimmy: the new o magazine. >> open this up. it's got you. >> jimmy: me and oprah. >> that is essentially on the cover. open that up. >> jimmy: happy holidays, xoxo oprah and jimmy. >> yeah, that's my problem. >> jimmy: why is that a problem? >> i have had a column in the magazine since its inception with a lot of other people. we had a meeting. we objected to this.
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>> jimmy: you did? >> after i saw this i just felt cheap. >> jimmy: how many times have you been on the cover of "o" magazine? >> i don't know. let me see if i can find myself. >> jimmy: there you are, a picture of you. >> i had my name on the cover a lot. when you have a face like this they don't put you on the cover. >> jimmy: some people get me faces, like me, me and oprah. other people are way in the middle of the magazine. way in the back uh t. you and iyanla are in the back. are you jealous? upstre upset with me and oprah. >> no, i'm not jealous. i was tickled to death you are there t there. it is very cover.
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>> jimmy: you should have your own "p" magazine, you are on the cover of. >> listen. >> jimmy: a urinal. >> put it up in front of the urinals. >> jimmy: how is your life? >> my life is good. curious about yours? you got married? >> jimmy: i did get married. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> how is that working for you? >> jimmy: going fine. going fine. >> how is it working for her? >> not as well. but, you know. >> you see, there is the problem. some times, these women they get us home and get us unwrapped and they go, holy [ bleep ]. i had no idea this is what i was getting into? >> jimmy: that comment does come up a lot. yeah. >> did you get premarital counseling? >> look a wedding planner or something. >> that is not what i mean. did you actually sit down with somebody with a brain and talk
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about what was coming up in your wedding? in your marriage, not your wedding, your marriage. >> jimmy: sat down with someone. >> who? >> jimmy: wasn't you. >> i would have been happy to do it. >> jimmy: you told me last time you were here, you were the worst couples counselor in the state of texas. >> i'm not in texas. >> jimmy: you would have helped us? >> i would have set down with you. >> jimmy: sure you would have. >> would have helped her. >> jimmy: what advice? >> i would have had questions. >> jimmy: look what? >> for her? >> jimmy: yeah? >> who did you turn down? just kidding. just kidding. >> jimmy: it's all right. did you and dr. phyllis your wife go to couples counseling. >> no. dr. phyllis didn't need any counseling. >> jimmy: do you go to counseling yourself? >> no.
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>> jimmy: have you ever been? >> i have. when i was going through my training despite what you tell people, i don't just play a doctor on television. i actually am a doctor. >> jimmy: not sure about that to be honest with you. i see doctors wear scrubs, never see you in scrubs. >> i did have to attend a group therapy session, i mean for a series of them when i was in graduate school. >> jimmy: you did. >> did you look it? >> i am telling you i could not believe that i gave so many hours of my life i could never get back. >> jimmy: why? what was bad? >> this mouth breather just sat there and looks around the circle. and, never said anything. one time he said let's do dark therapy. everybody put on their sunglasses. that son of a -- slept. this is called dark therapy. we call dark therapy. i am not getting a lot of growth out of this. but i did it. i want through the process. >> jimmy: he got a nap in too.
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>> he got a nap in. >> jimmy: figured you would be too busy. i would have consulted. you are busy with these people, runaways. hookers. and whatever the hell you have got on the show. i go on the website to see what you are looking for, it is astonishing. it's like -- have you ever held a knife to your uncle's genitalia, e-mail dr. phil. >> i think you might be exaggerating a little bit. >> jimmy: a little bit. not a lot. >> you talk about me talking to hookers and tracrazy people theo the hell do you think sits over here? >> jimmy: we'll take a break. dr. phil is with us. we'll be right back. ♪
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>> jimmy: yes i am in "o" magazine. dr. phil is with us. dr. fifphil, you had two high profile shows this week. on a serious subject. >> we did. we did. i did the interview with michelle knight, she was the first of ariel castro's kidnap victims to speak out. and you know i said on the show, she was the forgotten one.
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essentially. you know the three there. and sheep w was the first taken. there the longest. after i met her, i remember i was kind of talking to the camera. i said -- three girls were taken. three girls were rescued. but only two girls went home. because she had no home. she had nowhere to go the she has just been kind of lost in the shuffle. with no choice. and she very much wanted to tell her story. i have to tell you it was an interview i kept having to remind myself to say something. because she was so compelling and blew up so many myths. what a courageous and brave young woman. >> jimmy: what an interview. how do you get an interview look that? i would imagine everybody wants to speak to her. >> they do. but i think one of the things that helps is -- that i'm -- one
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of itf not the only mental healh professional in, a journalist, in the media. we sit down and talk from ape different point of view. rather than ask and get answers. figure out where she need to go and what she need how to do. weave will be involved with her for years to come. >> jimmy: you will, whether she wants it or not. >> yes. >> jimmy: speaking of mental healther use. did you see the interview with the kids and halloween candy? >> i did see that, yes. >> jimmy: now some people they say, claim to be child psychologists or whatever, by the way, ever meet the kid of a child psychologist, the worst. you'll back me on that. some say it is cruel for parents to pretend to take, pretend they took their kids' candy and watch them have a fit and, videotape it. what do you think about that? >> there is a certain kind of
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person that says that, they're called rational. i liked at that each of thought what are you going to do at christmas, wake them up and say i drowned your kitten? great idea. >> jimmy: guillermo. >> get the kittens! it is sadistically hilarious. i couldn't stop watching it. >> jimmy: let me ask you a question about my mother micht omicht -- when i was a child, would lay on the ground and pretend to be dead for a while. i don't know if she was doing dark therapy or what was going on. >> no. >> jimmy: is that a normal thing for mothers to do? >> yes. yes. did you ever get the sense that sunny was ho you might wander off? gyp she >> jimmy: she enjoyed the idea that we were mourning her passing and she liked to have a
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little nap. >> and now look what she created. this is called legacy. it goes on. now you are eating their candy. next the kittens. who nose. whatever. >> jimmy: monster begets monster. >> monster begets monster. like road kill. you can't look away. it was a very fun neap b fun ne bit. >> jimmy: whatever psychological damage it caused. >> it will keep me in business for years to come. >> dr. phil. airs week days in syndication. we'll be right back with erin andrews. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by gillette. go to movember.com to register with team gillette and support the moe's with a donation to help change the face of men's health.
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you've got to ask yourself, are you... ready to take life seriously? because serious it's not always easy but it comes with serious benefits. ♪ all hail to the drinking man. go back to sleep angus darling.
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i needed a new laptop for my pre-med classes, something that runs office and has a keyboard. but i wanted a tablet for me, for stuff like twitter and xbox, so my downtime can be more like uptime. that's why i got a windows 2 in 1 which does both -- works as a laptop and a tablet. so i can manage my crazy life, and also have a life. [ beep ] gotta go. ♪
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colgate optic white dual action shines and whitens over 2 shades more than a leading whitening toothpaste. and whiten even more, with optic white mouthwash and the whole colgate optic white line. >> jimmy: our next guest has covered it all, football, basketball, baseball, hockey, even competitive spelling. she just wrapped up the world series and is back to work hosting "fox college saturday" on fox sports 1. please say hello to erin andrews.
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♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> how are you doing? >> jimmy: good to see you. >> good to see you. >> jimmy: a great world series you put on. pretty crazy one, huh? >> mets looked fantastic. was going to bring you a beer. i was told don't bring him a beard. he is a mets fan. >> jimmy: yeah, i dent waon't w that celebration. i am nate red sox fan. great series. >> great. >> one of the hazards of the championship series. one of the hazards of being an onfield reporter, the gatorade thing. enough already. >> little dramatic. i feel look i look like an angel with that glistening all that. >> jimmy: looks look something
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dirty might be happening too. >> it is not okay. a lot of dirty happening afterward. and jared had the game winning run. and it was a big moment. big papi, ortiz, grand slam in the game. right before i went to go do this interview. my boyfriend texted. watch out they will get you. no they won't. they don't care. i was holding a mike you see it coming. i was like no. >> jimmy: of course they're going to got you. >> he got nothing. >> jimmy: you posted this on twitter. the aftermath of the gatorade. >> these are not dead animals. these are my hair extensions. not only had to get my coat and everything else cleaned. were you ticked off. i was pissed. i have to clean my hair extensions. >> on the dryer? >> hang those on the rack at the hotel. >> jimmy: this is so alien to me. >> why? >> jimmy: because i never.
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i didn't realize this went on. are these in your head right now. >> not right now. i could put them in. see how luxurious and amazing it looks. not after lemon-lime. >> everybody has got them. >> jimmy: i know. i have never seen them in their natural. looks like chewbacca's or something like that. >> you have to hang and let him dry. here is the towel rack. >> jimmy: let's talk about this boy friend of yours, player for the los angeles kings. >> good one, too. >> jimmy: he is injured now. dating an athlete. causes problems. now all the other guys you're interviewing, yeah, she'll jump over the fence? >> it doesn't cause an sort of problems you. know who set us up. michael strahan, a very good record the he set up angie harmon and jason seahorn.
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i never would have allowed terry bradshaw. >> jimmy: terry bradshaw, you would have gotten somebody toothless. >> i do have some one toothless. he is great. everything is going well. fry try to keep my mouth shut analyzing anything. a big help in fantasy football. dominating the league for the kings. >> jimmy: any americans on the team, the kings. >> gel goalie and captain. come to a game. >> jimmy: you advise him on which players to select in his fantasy draft? >> i am not allowed to help himn't i him. i'm not going to date a loser. i need him to win. i'm the general manager. the night before. you need new get this guy. need to get this guy. if this doesn't work out. call me and get this guy. it is going very well. and he dominated the march madness pool, i am not allowed to be in next year. >> jimmy: you ruined it.
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now if he wins. he doesn't win. he loses. your girlfriend picked your team for you. >> he is going to win. win. >> jimmy: the prize, how much money involved here? >> i don't know, i am not sure. i have to find that out. i don't know if i will help. >> jimmy: get a cut if you are helping. you are doing fox nfl. >> right. >> jimmy: getting a lot out of you. doing college football as well. do you enjoy working on, what do you look better college football or nfl? >> i look both. college studio is different. you are a host. i am learning to be one. hard be the quarterback, know in and out of break. it's fun. being on the road. i love it. we have the super bowl this year on fox. got to do world series. side lines of the super bowl. >> jimmy: exciting. yeah. >> new york. >> jimmy: cold one. minus 20 degrees. if that happens to my hair extensions. >> orange block of ice. maybe they can dump coffee on you. >> no lie for the world series i
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sat with an electric blanket on my legs. it was in the 30s. i am a wuss. it could be minus 20. fall m e are you coming, it's your hometown. >> good. >> jimmy: good to see you. congratulations on your success. >> good to see you. >> jimmy: erin andrews. "fox college saturday" airs at 10am eastern time on fox sports 1. when we come back music from florida georgia line. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony.
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ewelcome to covered california. now, you can no longer be denied coverage because of a pre-existing condition. enroll today at coveredca.com. [ man ] adventure, it means taking chances. it means trying something new. [ woman ] just, that uncertainty of what's to come. [ man ] just kidding. ♪
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can you please stop doing that? ♪ [ woman ] you walk outside in brooklyn, and it's cement and broken glass. and this is just like... the opposite of that. ♪ >> jimmy: i want to thank all my guests tonight and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. nightline is next, but first the deluxe edition of their new album here's to good times, this is how we roll comes out november 25th here with the song "stay" florida georgia line.
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♪ ♪ ♪ sorry for the way i hurt you would it make you wanna stay i'm sorry for ♪ ♪ the way i hurt you and making you walk away i shoulda took the time to tell you ♪ ♪ and if i wrote you a love song and sang it to you everyday would it ever be enough to ♪ ♪ make you wanna come back home and stay i can't go another day without you ♪ ♪ would it make you make you wanna stay girl you gotta know i love you ♪ ♪ my heart's on my sleeve but it's turning black i guess i know what it feels like to be alone ♪ ♪ without your touch

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