>> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, ll cool j, from "marvel's agents of shield" chloe bennet, and music from vampire weekend with cleto and the cletones. and now, and not a moment too soon, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome to the show. thank you for watching. [ cheers and applause ] i'm glad you're here.

i hope you had the day off. i hope you had a three-day weekend. i'd like to wish each of you a happy dr. martin luther king day, a day on which we honor the memory of perhaps our greatest leader when it comes to equality and civil rights in america. you know how you can tell dr. martin luther king jr. was a great leader? he's the only person who ever had a dream that anyone actually wanted to hear about. [ laughter ] it was an exciting day of football yesterday with the exception of the patriots-broncos game. the match-ups for super bowl xlviii are set. the denver broncos will meet the seattle seahawks. both states that legalized marijuana will be represented on the biggest day of the year -- [ cheers and applause ] the game will be played at metlife stadium in new jersey. assuming the players can answer chris christie's riddle. you have to answer the riddle to be allowed to cross the bridge. you know. the broncos had very little trouble with the patriots. they beat them 26-16. this has been an historic season for quarterback peyton manning. at 37 years old he set the

single-season record for touchdown passes, passing yards, and papa john's commercials, which is incredible. [ laughter ] after the game yesterday russell haythorn from 7 news, our abc affiliate in denver, was outside the stadium. you know, usually after a big win these local news reporters are looking to get people who are screaming, jumping up and down. not russell. in fact, if enthusiasm is infectious, it would seem that russell haythorn has discovered a vaccine. >> give us your best go broncos, super bowl, whatever. >> go broncos! >> yeah. let's go broncos! >> good job. hey, i like the face paint there. come on over. how was the game? >> oh, it was great. it was awesome. >> good job. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: back to you in the studio. or not. i don't care. [ laughter ] he's a newsman. he's not a cheerleader. meanwhile, seattle the tone was the opposite of subdued as the seahawks beat their hate rivals, the san francisco 49ers. it was a good game, but the moment everyone's been talking

about happened after it was done. seahawks cornerback richard sherman was going back and forth with niners wide receiver michael crabtree all game. at the end of the game sherman blocked a pass that was intended for crabtree in the end zone. as a result the seahawks intercepted and won. crabtree and sherman, which sounds like a kiosk that sells body oils at the mall. [ laughter ] they don't like each other. they even got in a fight at a charity event last summer. during the post-game interview with erin andrews richard sherman was fired up. >> richard, let me ask you. the final play, take me through it. >> well, i'm the best one in the game. that's the result you're going to get! don't you never talk about me! >> we weren't talking about you. >> crabtree. don't you open your mouth. i'm going to shut it for you real quick. >> okay. and joe, back over to you. >> jimmy: yeah, joe, back over to you. immediately the internet went nuts. people were calling him jerk. people were using racial slurs.

people written suere insulting hairdo, which is not fair to whoopi goldberg, by the way. [ laughter ] michael crabtree responded to sherman's diatribe by tweeting "film don't lie. @nfl network. @espn. pull up the tape in the game and show me where this guy is the best. #fake, #fake. #fake. and you know when a guy uses three hashtags he is fake. [ laughter ] so sherman responded to that. he tweeted "a lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of a sheep." this is getting -- i hope it doesn't escalate to their instagram accounts. [ laughter ] it was a big deal, though. why i'm not sure. the guy was blowing some steam off after three hours of trash talk. but i will say this. it reminds me of another famous sherman. and coincidentally, ken burns has a new documentary out about him. >> general sherman continued his march southward, finally taking atlanta on september 2nd, 1864. after a long and brutal siege. he wrote to president lincoln.

>> dear mr. president. i'm gratified to report that atlanta has succumbed at last. our victorious soldiers occupied the streets and the battlements, bearing eloquent testament to the fact that i'm the greatest general of the entire u.s. army! don't you ever talk about me. ever! yours sincerely, william tecumseh sherman." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you understand what i'm saying? it's a family with a long history. [ cheers and applause ] of anger issues. i have to say, you know, i work for fox sports, nfl for a bunch of years. i love richard sherman's post-game interview. most of these players are so boring, so rehearsed. this guy's eyes were about to pop out of his head. he looked like a cartoon character. which gave me an idea. what we did is we took the audio from the sherman versus erin andrews rant and combined it with an episode of "the flintstones," and a brand new classic is born.

>> richard, let me ask you. the final play. take me through it. >> well, i'm the best corner in the game. you can't try me with a sorry receiver like crabtree. that's what you're going to get. don't you ever talk about me zwlchld who was talking about you? >> crabtree. don't you open your mouth about the best. or i'm going to shut it for you real quick. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight we have a new episode of "the bachelor" tonight. this is the third week of "the bachelor." the third week is the week where you usually see a woman at the rose ceremony you've never seen before. you're like who is that? next thing you know she's on the way to the limo carrying her bags. but if you missed it, i will give you a quick recap. juan pablo was handsome. all the women agreed he was handsome. and then some of them cried. tonight they went on a group date and played soccer. i have to say, i'm not a woman. but if a guy took me on a date with nine other girls, i'd think

he was kind of a jerk. [ laughter ] at the end of the episode juan pablo cut his harem down to 13. he eliminated everyone whose name ends with a y instead of two es. and i have to say i watched the nfl games yesterday with a bunch of guys and then of course tonight i watched "the bachelor" with my girls. and i realized not so different as far as these shows. both of them have someone who's hungry for attention. >> good job. yes! >> whoo! >> jimmy: okay? both of them have competitors badmouthing each other. >> i just don't know if she's ready to be a stepmom. she seems look a baby to me. >> well, i'm the best corner in the game! when you try me with a sorry receiver like crabtree that's the result you going to get! >> jimmy: and on both of them someone goes home sad at the end. >> this sucks. >> i didn't play good enough to win. turned the ball over three times.

i cost us this game. >> jimmy: and they're both playing for a ring, too. really the only difference is the bachelorettes are more violent. [ laughter ] guillermo, you spent some time with the bachelor, juan pablo, correct? >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: guillermo got a chance to sit down with the bachelor one on one to ask him questions he doesn't typically get asked, and he did it in an interesting way. are you familiar with the game truth or dare? well, guillermo and juan pablo took it one step further with a new game called truth or slap. ♪ >> so tell me, juan pablo, do you think i would make a good the bachelor? >> i don't know. maybe, yeah. what do you think? you think you could be a good the bachelor? >> i ask the [ bleep ] question. comprende? >> [ bleep ]. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: guillermo, you flew off the handle a little bit. we're going to take a break.

but when we come back, we're going to go outside, we're going to ask people on hollywood boulevard to show us the dumbest thing they texted today. and believe it or not, some of the stuff we found was very dumb. plus, l.l. cool j, chloe bennet, and music from vampire weekend tonight. [ cheers and applause ] [ male announcer ] when i tasted the big juicy steak that's on applebee's under 550 calories menu, i was all, "what the what?!" then i tasted the zesty roma chicken and shrimp, which is also on the under 550 calories menu and i was like, "i can't believe it!" then, i told some friends about it and they couldn't believe how great it tasted either. they were totally, "who the, have a, what the huh?!" new under 550 calorie roma pepper steak and zesty roma chicken and shrimp. two almost unbelievably tasty reasons to see you tomorrow. need another reason? now for a limited time an under 550 calorie dish is on the 2 for $20 menu.

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. l.l. cool j, chloe bennet, and vampire weekend. have each gone to the trouble of leaving their homes to to entertain you tonight. i hope you'll stay around. this is kind of scary. there's a report published in the british newspaper "the guardian" that says the nsa has been gathering almost 200 million text messages a day from people all over the world. 200 million.

that is a lot of text messages. to put that in perspective, that's almost double the number of texts the average teenage girl sends out in a week. [ laughter ] it's part of a program called "dish fire" that secretly monitored travel plans, purchases, and personal contacts. the truth is the only difference between the nsa and facebook is with the nsa we didn't check a little box agreeing to a bunch of stuff we didn't bother to read. president obama said he's going to crack down, he wants to make major changes to the nsa, eavesdropping and surveillance programs. and that's why tonight i invited my nsa surveillance officer, agent mike quigley here, to say good-bye. mike, come on out. mike, where are you? >> hello. >> jimmy: oh, hey, mike. [ cheers and applause ] >> how are you doing? subject 40378. going to miss you, buddy. >> jimmy: well, i'm going to miss you too. although i have to be honest, i wasn't actually aware that you were on all my calls and correspondence until this weekend. but you know, what are you going

to do? >> yeah, well, you've given us a lot of laughs over at the office. i don't know if you remember sending these texts. "gangnam style is my jam." [ laughter ] that was three days ago. >> jimmy: yeah. >> "up for some grinding tonight." that one actually went to your gardener. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, okay. >> this is my favorite. i got this picture when i first started monitoring you. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> yeah, right there. >> jimmy: that was karaoke night. >> at least you're wearing underwear in that one. >> jimmy: anyway-i want to say i appreciate the hard work. >> absolutely. it's my honor, sir. >> jimmy: i just want to say farewell, mike. >> let's hug it out. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'll miss you. [ cheers and applause ]

>> good luck on tuesday. >> jimmy: oh, great. i almost forgot. >> oh, my god, it's huey lewis! >> jimmy: what? [ cheers and applause ] he's very smooth. i'm going to -- is huey lewis really over there, or no? all right. i'm going to miss him. the revelation that the nsa has been monitoring our text messages made me think about all the stupid things they must have to read. if you really evaluate your text messages, most of them are trivial. to say the best. and to prove it i sent my cousin sal out on hollywood boulevard to ask people what is the dumbest thing you texted today? >> what's the dumbest text you sent today? >> the dumbest text that i sent today was probably about grits. >> about grits? >> yeah. >> how did it go? >> yeah. this is it here. she had her grits in the

basement. >> nice. i like that. the nsa is really into grits this time. year. chanel is going to have to hide them somewhere else because now they know. >> went to the comedy store last night and blacked out and when i woke up i had a text from someone i don't know saying hey, sweetie, it's denise, what's your room number? and then i just had a bag of clothes including a tie, a shirt, and a woman's thong. >> wow. you know what i? don't think we should report denise. give me this. give me her number. what? why not? what's the number? poor kid's in love. you can tell. what's the dumbest thing you texted today? >> "yes, bitch. yes." >> "yes bitch. yes." >> i sent her today, "remember, you can't say happiness without penis." >> you can't say it, right? >> yeah. you have to have the penis. >> let's try it. say it. >> happy -- happiness.

>> you try it. >> happiness. >> it's amazing. you can't say it. >> today the dumbest one was about an hour ago. it was actually a video of me on the toilet. >> oh, no. >> and i sent this to her. >> you sent it to her? >> i was actually showing her how nice the bathroom was and everything. >> oh, look at that. unbelievable. why should he not be able to update you on his bowel movements? mind your business, nsa. >> mind your business while you're doing your business. >> what was the dumbest thing you texted today? show me. >> this right here. >> what is that? >> that's a picture of my boy and he's got his pants way down his ass. and my boy t-money texted back, "throw water on that [ bleep ]. he needs to wake up." >> ech. that's stupid. that's really dumb. get out of here. you're despicable. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the show,

from marvel's "agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.," chloe bennet is here. we have music from vampire weekend and we'll be right back with ll cool j. so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by the all new nissan rogue. and the artist. ♪ when they work together -- well, that's when you can get something really new. ♪ when you hear this sound a-comin' ♪ ♪ hear the drummers drumming ♪ i want you to join together with the band ♪ you can play playstation on your own time. we're trying to shoot a movie here. ♪ now, come on, join together with the band ♪ ♪ the band, the band ♪ now, come on, join together is your hair so dry... ♪ it's for the birds? discover the all-new look of triple nutrition from garnier fructis for a total transformation. the nourishing formula restores hair with every use. get touchable-softness and spectacular shine.

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the program, you know her as skye on "marvel's agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.," which you can see tuesday nights at 8:00 here on abc. chloe bennet is here.

and then with music from their grammy-nominated album called "modern vampires of the city," vampire weekend from the sony outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, greg kinnear will be here, as will kenneth branagh, and we'll have music from young the giant. and later this week, kim kardashian, christina ricci, from "new girl" jake johnson, former bachelor sean lowe and his fiancé catherine will be with us. are they getting married on television? oh, my god, i hope i don't cry. [ laughter ] . and we'll have music from danny brown and jason derulo. so join us then. our first guest tonight is a rapper and an actor. he's a raptor, really. [ laughter ] but sunday night, he takes a break from solving crimes to host the 56th annual grammy awards on cbs. please welcome ll cool j. [ cheers and applause ]

>> what's up, man? >> jimmy: you get more muscular every time i see you. >> you've got to do what you've got to do. >> jimmy: when is it going to end? >> when i stop working out. >> jimmy: how do you keep getting more muscular? >> just try to avoid twinkies at every turn. >> jimmy: that's no fun at all. i was thinking about you. yesterday i was thinking about you, and i was thinking, you're very nice -- you seem to be a very nice guy. your a family-oriented guy. you're on a show that a lot of -- you're a very mainstream guy. you're hosting the grammy awards, all this stuff. but i get the feeling also that you're secretly crazy. [ laughter ] >> that's pretty funny. >> jimmy: i think it's that laugh. [ laughter ] part of what makes you -- >> i think we're all a little nuts, jimmy. >> jimmy: i think there's a real streak in here. >> danger? >> jimmy: yeah. >> air of danger? mystery? what will he do next? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: not even that. but i think you know something that we don't. >> i probably do, jimmy.

i probably do. although not as much as it used to be, right? no, i'm kidding. >> jimmy: speaking of used to be, this is i think the 30-year anniversary of your first single coming out. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. the 30th anniversary of def jam. and you know -- >> jimmy: 16 years old. >> yeah. i was 16 years old and russell simmons, rick rubin and myself, we started the label. and you know, the rest is history. >> jimmy: nowadays somebody's 16 years old and they have -- they go to youth group. >> online and just hope -- fingers crossed. knock on wood. >> jimmy: but how did you do it? >> i sent demo after demo to every record company and i got rejection letters from company after company and i just kept at it. and then what actually happened is i quit. and my mother got her tax return. and she took her tax return and bought me some equipment because she knew i was depressed and i was down in the dumps because i didn't have the proper equipment to make what i feel -- felt was a good demo. so she took her whole tax return, bought me a drum machine.

it was a korg, actually. and me and my man frankie, we went in the basement. we didn't even bother to learn how to -- we didn't even read the instructions. we did it manually. we were so excited. and we made a pause tape and just kept overdubbing and overdubbing and overdubbing with a cassette, for those out there who know what a cassette is. >> jimmy: yeah. [ applause ] >> and i sent it in to rick rubin at his dorm. he had a little production company in his dorm. dormitory. def jam productions. and actually, ad rock from the beastie boys heard the demo, and he played it for rick, and they decided that oh, he sounds good, bring him in. and i would call rick every single day and bug him. that was the crazy part you was talking about earlier. like i just was stalking him and stalking him. and finally, he called me back and told me to come in. and when i met him i thought he was going to be black. i met him. he's like what's up, man? what's up? so we went up in the dormitory, and right then and there we made up a demo. went across town to russell simmons and russell was like oh,

it's the same old thing, same old thing. so we went back in the studio and made another song called "i need a beat." played that for russell and russell was like this is it. you know, started def jam and the rest is history. >> jimmy: using the old-fashioned u.s. postal service. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] u.s. postal. shout out to the post office. peace! >> jimmy: without those guys your tape never would have gotten anywhere. >> no question about it. and that just proves you can do anything if you put your mind to it, right? >> jimmy: no. not me. [ laughter ] >> so you can't be seven foot tomorrow -- >> jimmy: i don't believe that. i really don't. i think that if you're good at something, you know, whatever. but if i put my mind to being like i would love to be -- >> well, you've got to be realistic. >> jimmy: exactly. >> i'm not going to put my mind to being a contortionist. i understand what you're saying. >> jimmy: i would like to be a laker, for instance, but it seems very unlikely. >> a laker fan. a big fan. >> jimmy: a very, very big fan, yeah. >> a minority owner. >> jimmy: probably not even that. >> no? >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ]

i've got to work on being a minority. ther then i can be a minority owner. >> jimmy, i got news for you. you might be a minority right now. [ laughter ] at least in my neighborhood where i grew up. that's a minority. no, it's not. that's jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: you and i are both minorities around here. you know who isn't? that gentleman right over there. [ cheers and applause ] >> como estas? todobien? >> jimmy: what were your first tours as a teenager like? >> first tour was unbelievable. i went on tour with run-d.m.c. >> jimmy: how old were you when you went on the first tour? >> probably about 17. because i was 16 when we started and about 17 i went on my first tour, and it was whodini, run-dmc, went on tour with the beastie boys, public enemy. just last summer i went on the kings of the mike tour with ice cube, de la soul and public enemy and that was a tour we did earlier many, many years ago and it was crazy. >> jimmy: was this one crazy or -- >> not as crazy -- this was the minivan.

those tours were a little crazier. >> jimmy: were they? >> yeah, a little bit. >> jimmy: who was the craziest one on the tours? was it you? >> it was me. >> jimmy: it was you. >> it was all me. >> jimmy: and would you meet girls at every stop? >> no, no, no. i was more into quality, not quantity. >> jimmy: and? >> at that time. >> jimmy: i see. [ laughter ] what do you mean at that time? you're married now. >> yeah, yeah. that's what i mean. it's quality only. yeah. >> jimmy: now you get quality only. but would you meet like girls at the shows? >> i would meet some girls, jimmy. >> jimmy: how would you round them up? >> round them up? >> jimmy: yeah. >> round them up. [ laughter ] this is going well, jimmy. >> jimmy: how do you round up the girls? >> you know what, jim? i never was the guy to like go through a lot of changes. i kind of let it -- if a young lady likes you, you will know it. >> jimmy: what if she's in an audience, though, with 2,000 other young ladies? >> like i said, if a young lady likes you, you will know it. >> jimmy: you don't get a bat signal? >> no. >> jimmy: quickly, robin, come

get -- >> nothing like that. bat groupie. >> jimmy: from within. >> no. i just -- i wasn't -- >> jimmy: did they ever try to contact you -- >> no, jimmy. >> jimmy: they never do? >> no, jimmy. >> jimmy: like we met in -- >> no, jimmy, no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't believe this at all. >> no, jimmy. no, jimmy. you just want me to say yeah, jimmy? no, jimmy. >> jimmy: i'm not saying you did anything wrong. >> no. >> jimmy: all right. we'll leave it at that. wow. but you've had some life. >> i've had a good life. i've enjoyed myself. and you know -- >> jimmy: in a number of ways. >> i did everything that i needed to do to feel good about sitting here right now. you know. but you know, i missed the prom. i never had a prom. you never, i did -- >> jimmy: we should have a prom for you. >> please. >> jimmy: that would be great. [ cheers and applause ]

i also missed the prom. but it wasn't because i was on tour. it was because i was at home watching television with my parents. [ laughter ] >> i don't understand. >> jimmy: well, it turns out you can't go to the prom by yourself. so yeah. yeah. while you were out on the road summoning women from within, i was watching "the fall guy" on television. [ laughter ] on a little black-and-white television in my bedroom. all right. we're going to take a break. you really do have a big -- you're the prom king coming up at the grammy awards. >> i'm going to have a good time. >> jimmy: l.l. cool j. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] >> the "jimmy kimmel live" concert seers stancert series iu by sony. scholarship you can. rit-based career catalyt apply by february 28th for up to $20,000 for qualifying new students. with this scholarship you could be on your way.

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back with l.l. cool j. chloe bennet is on the way. we were talking about the past. and now you're the host of the grammy awards. it's -- the grammy awards are a lot of fun to go to, right? >> it's an unbelievable show. the performances, the artists. when you go to rehearsals and you see the artists getting ready, it's just unbelievable. >> jimmy: who is scheduled to appear on the show? >> it's going to be a lot of people, but i want people to be surprised. i don't want to give up too much. but it's going to be a lot of fun. >> jimmy: paul mccartney and ringo starr will play together. >> they will be in the house. >> jimmy: that's a pretty big deal.

>> that's pretty big. >> jimmy: they have not played together since -- well, they were in -- what was the name of that band? [ laughter ] >> b -- >> jimmy: the beatles. yeah. that would be a good thing. you join the band and do "i need a beatles." >> i don't want to get my passport taken away. >> jimmy: i have a lot of ideas for this show. >> you really do. >> jimmy: have you done this -- this is the fifth time -- >> this will be my third time. and i also do the grammy nominations show. which i've done a few times. zwrourpt feel like it gets easier each time or the same deal? >> it never gets easier because every year it's different. every year the audience is different. the artists are always different. you can never take it tore granted. you've just got to go out there and have fun. i just go out there and i try to be myself. i don't pretend i'm billy crystal or think i'm somebody else. i'm just doing me and having a good time. >> jimmy: do you know all the artists that are scheduled to appear or just to be safe do they not tell you so you don't accidentally -- >> i know the artists that are scheduled to appear but i'm just not going to get up here and run my mouth and -- >> jimmy: right. but there are some that have

been on the promos. >> there's a few. >> jimmy: and today they announced that beyonce and madonna will be appearing on the show. >> there's going to be some cool people, certain things happening. i can't confirm or deny any of those reports. but i will tell you, you do not want to miss the show. it's going to be great. >> jimmy: i by the way just said that thing about beyonce and madonna appearing on the show. that was not announced today. >> oh, really? >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> wow. >> jimmy: just trying to trick you -- >> almost got me. i can't confirm or deny. >> jimmy: this year obviously you're not nominated this year. >> no. >> jimmy: but do you know like the young guys who are nominated in the category? do you hang around with them, mentor or -- >> man, i'm on "ncis: los angeles" dodging bullets. but i do know some of the people and some of the guys that are nominated. and i'm very happy for them because i know what it feels like when you're a young artist and you get that first opportunity to get out on a big stage and show the world what you're about and when you're first recognized by your peers it's an amazing feeling.

you know. >> jimmy: as i recall, i think you had the first like number one rap like ballad ever, right? >> you know what? you know what's funny about my career? i really didn't -- i really don't pay attention to the charts and stuff like that when it came to my career because you've got to remember, when i started, you know, rap music, one, wasn't taken seriously. not that it's taken ultra seriously now. but it really wasn't taken seriously. we weren't even eligible for grammys. there was no category for us. and radio didn't play us like now. like now when you turn on pop radio you hear rap music all day long, but when i started it was a very, very niche music. so we were kind of at the forefront, at the vanguard of the thing. sought charts didn't m so the charts didn't matter as much as now. now you hear about rappers who have ten grammys and 90 brammies and if they were giving out grammys when i started i might have 90 as well. but i have two. and nine nominations which came later. >> jimmy: you're big enough you that could take some from some

people. >> snatch a grammy. >> jimmy: you could probably get a couple dozen grammys if you really wanted to. >> let me hold that. >> jimmy: first person i'd go after, celine dion. >> yeah. that'll be a career booster. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the first time you heard one of your songs on the radio? >> absolutely. i was on farmers boulevard in queens. it had just finished raining. it was nighttime. and it was like the moon was glistening off the street. and my record was playing in the game room on the radio. and i was just staring at the pavement. and a guy came out of the game room and was like yo, l, yo, that's you on the radio, man. and i was like yeah, i know. i like that. [ laughter ] and i was just staring at the street and it was just an amazing feeling, man. and even now i'm very, very grateful. you know what i'm saying? like i'm clear that it didn't have to be like this. like a lot of times artists, you know, they get 15 minutes of fame, they come and go. they're not able to transition. they're not able to pursue and do other things. because of that i still feel

excited about my career and what i do and what i'm involved in. you know, i'm not spoiled by the success. you know? i'm happy. >> jimmy: well, that's great. you're very lucky. >> one of my mottos is don't get bitter, get better. you know what i'm saying? you just have to better yourself. bet your your situation. >> jimmy: you hear, that guillermo? >> you looking tight as a lemon over there. are you bitter? >> jimmy: it's a lime. thank you for coming. l.l. cool j. [ cheers and applause ] "ncis: los angeles" tuesday nights on cbs. we'll be right back with chloe bennet. [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by the all new nissan rogue. uggg with bipolar depression, there are treatment options. ask your doctor if once a day latuda, lurasidone hcl, may help you.

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: still to come music from vampire weekend. our next guest was born in chicago, she studied language in shanghai, became a recording artist in sweden and a singing star in china.

now she is a tv secret agent on "marvel's agents of s.h.i.e.l.d." you can watch it tuesdays at 8:00 here on abc. please welcome chloe bennet! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] how are you doing? >> hey there. jfr >> jimmy: i hear this is your first time on a late-night talk show. >> it is. hi, guys. >> jimmy: mine too. welcome. [ applause ] >> it's going to be great. i'll make it easy for you. it is actually my first time. but can i tell you why this is very exciting for me? >> jimmy: yes. >> you are actually my -- one of my top three celebrity crushes. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: why? [ laughter ] >> number one is benedict cumberbatch. number two is jimmy kimmel, you. number three is gordon ramsay. >> jimmy: oh. so you have a type for sure, then. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: well, i'm very

flattered. where were you when i was sitting at home alone watching "the fall guy"? probably not born yet. [ laughter ] >> well, we've had a run-in before. >> jimmy: we did? >> we did. >> jimmy: what do you mean a run-in? >> i was at a really fancy hollywood party about nine months ago. and i was drinking ginger ale alone in the corner. you know, just crazy me. and then i see you from across the room and i was like oh, my gosh, my number two celebrity crush. [ laughter ] i have to go stalk him and be a creep, just lingering. i wasn't even going to say hi. i was just going to linger and be -- >> jimmy: is that better? okay. >> so i walked over there, and i'm just kind of like -- like this. like you're here. you have no idea that i'm doing this. it's a little weird. and then sofia vergara enters the room. and if you've ever been in a room with sofia vergara and she enters, men are just like weird dog babies. [ laughter ] they don't know how to handle themselves. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so they were moving around and basically i get knocked and my bag gets knocked on the floor

and i bend down like this to pick up my bag and when i'm down there someone knocks me again and i spill ginger ale all over some guy's pants. and i slowly stand up and it was your pants. >> jimmy: oh, it was my pants. >> i spilled ginger ale all over your pants. and you had no idea because you were talking to sofia vergara. [ laughter ] [ applause ] which is great for me because she's very distracting. so you had no idea. >> jimmy: well, i'm sorry that -- well, i mean i guess you were -- i don't think i even -- well, it's good i didn't notice. you know, i've found that women go even crazier than men do when sofia vergara walks in. >> i did too. i didn't know who to freak out about, sofia or you. you still won. >> jimmy: you made the wrong choice. but thank you. >> no, i didn't. i really didn't. >> jimmy: well, i'm very flattered. and i don't believe it for a second. but thank you very much. [ laughter ] speaking of celebrity crushes, this is a photograph of you and stan lee, the creator of marvel

comics. >> yeah. >> jimmy: of course the reason that your show is on the air. >> my number four celebrity crush. the >> jimmy: what's happening in this picture? [ laughter ] >> we were at the "thor" premiere and i saw him. i freaked out. his show "stan lee's superhumans" is one of my favorites ever. i saw him, stan lee, i'm chloe, i'm on "marvel's agents of s.h.i.e.l.d." he's like "i should watch that." >> jimmy: did he really? >> yeah. he really had no idea. then he went in. he just kind of like saw a low-cut shirt, i think, and then just went in to kiss me. in a split second in my mind i was like you have to make a decision. he was going for my mouth. it was a straight aim. there may have been tongue. i don't know. [ laughter ] and he went, and i was like kiss or turn or what's going to -- so i just did -- i like double-chinned it, which is what that was. >> jimmy: don't you feel like you should have tongued him, though? [ laughter ] i mean, it's stan lee, for god's sake. >> i really should have. but he did a cameo on our show. so he'll be on our show in the next episode. >> jimmy: oh, yeah.

well, he does a cameo in every -- >> if that didn't happen it would have been like a really awkward run-in after an awkward date. he probably actually would not have remembered. >> jimmy: he probably could have -- oh, he remembered. believe me. you never get that old. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you have an interesting background. and i was mentioning in the intro you've lived in all these different places. >> yeah. i'm from chicago. >> jimmy: you're very young. how did this all happen? >> well, i'm from chicago. i'm from the south side of chicago. i have six brothers. two are black. one's mexican, filipino. and i'm half chinese. so we look like a very weird situation. >> jimmy: i assume adoption or just some -- >> my mom's just a huge -- no. [ laughter ] i'm so sorry, mom. no, not at all. she's going to kill me. they're foster brothers and adopted. and so growing up i was around sports. growing up in my house it was just meat and just sports and just farting. like that was my childhood. >> jimmy: now i see why you

identify with me, yeah. [ laughter ] >> that's it. you know, just like that. so they were all into sports and i just was really bad. so i was like oh, my god, i've got to get into something else. >> jimmy: how do you wind up in china, for instance? >> i was taking voice lessons in chicago and i got kind of signed by hthis management, do you wan to be a pop star in china? that sounded more fun than geometry class because i was 15. >> jimmy: and your parents were -- to go with some -- >> kind of. i had to give them some kind of powerpoint. it wasn't a powerpoint because i wasn't o'tech savvy. i gave them binders. i wore a blazer. i sat them down and said these are the pros and cons of me going to asia and being a pop star. if anything i'll learn mandarin. my dad is very business-minded. and i was like mandarin, i could use it in business if it fails. >> jimmy: and then you're selling records over there and made -- what kind of records did you make? >> yeah, i had this really -- i had a single called "uh-oh."

which still haunts me to this day. >> jimmy: really? >> with really terrible dancing. it was like bat mitzvah dancing. kind of like this. if you want joss whedon, who is executive producer of our show, he likes to just make fun of this on set. it's great. >> jimmy: is that his elbow on youtube? to your computers, everyone. [ laughter ] might be hard to find but i'll try to find it. it was very nice to meet you. >> thank you. likewise. >> jimmy: thank you for not dumping anything on me. >> i'm sorry. >> jimmy: chloe bennet, everyone. "marvel's agents of s.h.i.e.l.d." airs tuesday nights at 8:00 p.m. on abc. we'll be right back with vampire weekend. [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony. shazam tonight's performance to listen to vampire weekend's exclusive "unbelievers, seeburg drum-machine mix" remix.

>> announcer: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by sony. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank ll cool j, chloe bennet, and i want to apologize to matt damon. we ran out of time. "nightline" is next.

but first, their album is called "modern vampires of the city." here with the song "hannah hunt," vampire weekend! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ a gardener told me some plants move but i could not believe it till me and hannah hunt saw crawling ♪ ♪ vines and weeping willows as we made our way from providence to phoenix ♪ ♪ a man of faith said hidden eyes ♪ ♪ could see what i was thinking ♪ ♪ i just smiled and told him

that was only true of hannah ♪ ♪ and we glided on through waverly and lincoln ♪ ♪ our days were long ♪ our nights no longer ♪ count the seconds ♪ watching hours ♪ though we live on the u.s. dollar ♪ ♪ you and me we got our own sense of time ♪ ♪ in santa barbara hannah cried and missed those ♪ ♪ freezing beaches and i walked into town to buy some kindling for the fire hannah tore the new york times up ♪

♪ into pieces ♪ if i can't trust you then damn it hannah ♪ ♪ there's no future ♪ there's no answer ♪ though we live on the u.s. dollar ♪ ♪ you and me, we got our own sense of time ♪ ♪ ♪ if i can't trust you then damn it hannah ♪ ♪ there's no future, there's no answer ♪ -6 ♪ though we live on the u.s. dollar ♪

♪ you and me, we got our own sense of time ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

tonight on "nightline" -- dangerous school. we're back at stopwood mansion where just macing it through the day can be a struggle for teachers and students. a high school months away from shutting its doors forever. and the school principal determined -- >> can you hear me? >> -- to keep them open. >> somebody besides me actually do care. fear. nbc's diane sawyer with the store that changed so much. from all over the country your overwhelming support and one surprising celebrity who took the message to heart. ♪ started from the bottom now we here ♪ ♪ started from the bottom now the whole