>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight the cast of "the monuments men." george clooney. bill murray. john goodman. bob balaban. kate blanchett. and more. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] s. >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you for watching. thank you for coming.

it's my pleasure to have you here. i appreciate it. you're very nice and i'm glad. i have to start the show with an apolo apology. the cast of the "the monuments crew was supposed to be here. instead i'll be sfwer viewing the cast of ice loves cocoa. we were able to get ice and cocoa. he really does love her. have you ever seen a movie so much you wish you could invite the whole cast. tonight's show might have the most star power on a single tonight show. george clooney is here tonight, bill bure is here. i have a batman and a skoes buster. it's like a rich kid's birthday

party cate blanchette is here tonight. she's the favorite to win the oscar. she either gave one of the most compelli compelli compelling perform mans of her career or she's crazy. bob will be here soon enough. calm down, ladies. "the monuments men" is such an incredible story, but it's true. george clooney made himself auditi audition for himself hymn and apparently he knocked himself out. it's like the adult version of the gloonnys.

masterpieces were stolen and hidden by the nazis. it's like storage wars meets hitler is the best way i think to describe it. the cast helped us out with a project today. from time to time on the show, we like to shine a light on those who post gruel and horrible comments on twitter. people can be vicious and it hurt. so to raise awareness and to maybe make people think twice before they post something awful. once again, we've assembled a group of famous faces incluing so some of our guests tonight for our sixth edition of mean tweets. >>@sophie. i'm very much looking forward to the day when the world stops suck george clooney's [ bleep ] lumpy faced bastard. [ bleep ] you sophie. >> i'm just going to throw this out there. i hate john hamm. i hate his face.

i hate his pig name. i hate how smug he always looks. i hate john hamm. >> jennifer garner looks like a duck's vagina. literally a duck's [ bleep ] that's not nice. >> that butter that they put on your popcorn in movie theatres, it's actually made from john goodman's ball sweat. >> the story on "seinfeld" is creepy. my stomach turn whence i see that goofy little worm. that's really gird. good. >> i want to pee in sara silverman's face. no reason behind it. no reason needed. >> tom hanks is a winer. oh boo-hoo, so you have a tropical island all to yourself. [ bleep ] you.

i have a turtle sand box, bitch. >> my mom thinks that joseph gordon-levitt looks like a q-tip. >> what a [ bleep ] head. it's b-e-n-e-d-i-c-t. >> rob lowe looks like skin cancer. >> cate blanchett is [ bleep ] gross dude. that's the worst you can do? >> listening to tim robbins on the radio, what a pretencious [ bleep ] is it pretencious of me to say you don't know how to spell you [ bleep ]. >> i find bill murray not funny. i was glad he got shot in zombie land. that's pretty good.

>> too bad they don't give an oscar for blowing ass, because matt damon would win every year. go buy another zoo and live in it, [ bleep ] #no disrespect to ben affleck. are you wearing yoga pants? . >> jimmy: no. >> he's wearing yoga pants. >> jimmy: oh, yes, that reminds me. one of tonight's guests apparently matt damon is here with us tonight. don't clap! i hear one clap i swear to god i'll clear this room. matt is in "the monuments men." which i don't get. how could george clooney hire matt damon? you could hire a baboon to give the same performance for half the price. last time matt was here i wound up gagged and tied to a chair. every great hero has a nemesis.

superman has lex luthor. spiderman has the green goblin. i have liberacci's boyfriend. tonight, we cross swords again. i think i have a camera down in matt's dressing room where he spends a lot of time waiting. oh, look, it's jason boring on his phone. siri is the only one who will talk to him. he's probably uploading a selfie there. every night he's in that dressing room just waiting ae i waiting. matt? matt? matt? okay, that's enough. do we need to have him on anymore? technically that was an appearance, right? i'm sorry you had to see that. it's time for a pallet cleanser, if you will. we have a tradition around here on thursday nights. it is thursday night. it's for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it's this week in "unnecessary

kren shcensokre krencensorship. >> we have the fans getting [ bleep ] up pop geeting [ bleep ] in the butt to get it. >> when somebody is [ bleep ] our country, that's an act of terror. >> i got a mountain bike and i immediately bro immediately broke my bloep bloep. >> the next 12 to 24 hours [ bleep ] rain is going to be my main concern. >> don't [ bleep ] if you need to. and turn the water off when you're [ bleep ]. >> what is that? [ bleep ]? >> don't [ bleep ] the monkey. that could be very dangerous. >> two very large black [ bleep ] and i said oh, my god. >> he's got good headed wrist control. >> there's [ bleep ] everywhere. there's [ bleep ] in argentina and brazil and there's [ bleep ] in the soviet union. and there's [ bleep ] in the

united states that is staggering. and sooner or later, those [ bleep ] are going to have to be [ bleep ]. and who's going to [ bleep ] them off? >> i'm ready for a [ bleep ] job. i'm ready. i'm ready. >> jimmy: the cast of "the monuments men" bill murray, john goodman, cate blanchett, and even matt damon is here. we'll be right back with george clooney so stick around. i can download anything i want. [ girl ] seriously? that's a lot of music. seriously. that's insane. and it's 15 bucks a month for the family. seriously? that's a lot of gold rope. seriously, that's a signature look.

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>> jimmy: welcome back to a special show featuring the cast of the movie "the monuments men." the cast will be here in moments. but first, we're going to -- >> you forgot about matt damon. and matt damon is here, too. so boring, though, you know? who wants it. >> jimmy: he's a guest on our very first show. he returned tonight and he brought friends. he's a multitalented actor, director, movie star. "monuments men" opens in theatres tomorrow. please welcome george clooney. good to see you. >> whew!

>> jimmy: for a talk show, it's a big deal. your first guest is a big deal. there's a lot of focus is put on it. i devirginized you. >> jimmy: you gave us credibility. well, we still don't have a lot. but at the time -- >> didn't we get in trouble. we passed out booze to the audience. >> jimmy: you left, i got in trouble. everyone got drunk, i then got in trouble. but it was -- you know what, i thank you anyway. i'm not sure why you haven't been back since 2003. >> really, i've been very busy. i've got a lot of stuff to do. >> jimmy: you've made a lot of love during that time. >> yes, i have. >> jimmy: thank you for coming back. >> i'm really happy to be back. >> i hope you will come back before 2025. >> i hope, so, too. i hope i'm still alive. >> jimmy: that will be a terrible day in american history. but it's good to see you. i'm told that we spent new year's eve together. >> we did. in cabo san lucas. but you weren't much there.

>> jimmy: no. i wasn't. and i have to say, i really felt like afterwards, i didn't realize it at the time, but i was thinking about it a couple of days later. i feel like you somehow set me up. because i don't usually drink a lot. and yet at the end of the night, my wife -- >> you were gone. >> jimmy: my wife said you were so nice to george's mom. i was like oh, when did i talk to george's mom? >> like two hours you talked to my mom. >> jimmy: i might have made out with her. i don't even know. >> my mom is like who's that nice man who talked to me for three hours. >> jimmy: i had no memory of that. i didn't remember there were fireworks outside. >> literally outside the house. >> jimmy: i had to be carried into my house. and yeah. >> but you looked great the next day. >> jimmy: you -- everybody knows that you are a prankster. i'm also -- >> well, you've helped me in some of my -- one of my longest running pranks.

>> jimmy: that is true. are you sure you want to say -- >> i haven't told anybody. but jimmy came to my house in italy for john krizinski's wedding. so odd to just stand there and looking back. >> jimmy: pointing into the air. >> so bad. you sent me as a thank you gift a card stationary. it says brad pitt on it. which set the wheels in motion. that was how many years ago? and i've been sending letters to people from brad pitt for -- >> jimmy: and brad has no idea. >> no. this has been literally four years. i sent -- i remember don cheadle was trying to do the miles davis

story. and i sent him a letter from brad because brad produces films. i said, you know, i'm producing this miles davis charlie parker thing. and jamie foxx is going to play miles davis but you would be great as charlie parker. don wrote me, like, six months later and said did you do something dirty to me? >> jimmy: sent him on wild goose chase. >> the worst one was -- meryl doesn't know. brad doesn't know. i sent meryl streep a giant book filled with cds for -- it's a dialect coaching. dialects for stage and screen by this guy i've never heard of. somebody sent it to me. i had this big book. i set i heard you're going to play the iron lady. and this guy really helped me with my dialect. i never told either of them that i did that. >> jimmy: well, now they know.

>> now they know. >> jimmy: mystery solved. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you did a great job on this movie. it's a story that -- it's one of these things you feel like you're watching the history channel, you heard every story involving hitler and the nazis. this is an unbelievable story that is -- it's true. >> yeah, it's a true story. >> jimmy: how did you find out about this? >> i didn't really know much about this story. i had seen films like the train long time ago. you understood that hitler was involved in taking some art. >> jimmy: he was a bad guy. >> apparently hitler was a very bad guy. but he stole millions and millions of pieces, the greatest pieces of art from all across europe. da vinci and mickle angelo and burned picassos. >> jimmy: that part of the movie, i felt sick watching those pieces of art burn. >> they called it degenerate

art. so salvador dali, those kinds of things they burned. you find out that these guys were hired -- well, they weren't hired, they were -- fdr enlisted them to go find all the art in these tunnels. in mines. by didn't know where they were going to be. but they end up finding millions and millions of pieces of art in salt mines in austria and germany that they were hiding away to build into a big museum. so it's a bunch of old guys, like art professors -- >> jimmy: who weren't in the army. >> had no business being in the army. >> jimmy: were recruited and forced through basic training. >> yeah, they all went through basic training. it's fun seeing all of us go through basic training. >> jimmy: one choice i though was interesting, hitler, we never really see his face. he's in the movie. >> well, we actually shot him, you know, we did shoot him. >> jimmy: it's about time somebody shot him. >> but we ended not using -- we

put it on the dvd. we have some footage. i brought you some of it. >> jimmy: now is it the actor who was a problem? >> the actor was -- it was a little bit of a problem, but he was a little -- he was a tiny bit too tall. >> jimmy: from "the monuments men." >> from me, hitler! i'll be in my office. >> jimmy: well, yeah. the rhythm wasn't right. >> it just doesn't -- it didn't feel right. when we put the whole film together, just didn't feel right. >> jimmy: why not make matt damon hitler? he's perfect. you got him there already. oh look, there he is. i guess his microphone isn't on, i guess.

oh, yeah, matt -- sorry, matt, we can't hear you. your microphone. but you keep eating. eating those cheetos. >> i think it's sad what's going on between the two of you. >> jimmy: why do you think it's sad? >> you're both -- i'm friends with both of you, i like both of you. >> jimmy: i'm not asking you to choose between us. >> oh, okay, fine. then you can hate each other. >> jimmy: exactly. i want to give you a quick gift. i got you, and this is another set of stationery. and i'm not going to tell you which big celebrity's name is on it, but hopefully next time you come back, you'll have a whole new set of stories. >> so i shouldn't tell anyone now. >> jimmy: yes. this is going to be a secret. in fact, don't even unwrap it until you get home. okay? >> th >> is this going to blow up? >> jimmy: not on you, it isn't

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>> campbell garfield, get in here for a second. >> what have you got? >> everybody just stay where they are. it looks like the lieutenant here is stand eing on an unexploded mine. >> why would you do that? >> i asked him the same thing. >> well, you're going to have to step off of it eventually. >> eventually, yes. >> and either the mine is so damaged from the fire that it's a dud. >> how likely is that? >> most likely. >> jimmy: our next guests are distinguished actors who have won awards to embarrass the proudest pure bred pood. cate blanchett john goodman, bob

balaban and bill murray. [ applause ] >> i know you've had a day of a press junkett. i wanted to ask you a question you haven't been asked today. >> why is bill wearing that hat? >> because i'm going out tonight. >> jimmy: what's it like working with george clooney? i hear he's wonderful. >> we have time for one more question. >> jimmy: i would like everybody so give george a piece of

constructive criticism. >> it's not working with george. it's working for george. >> jimmy: you've known each other for a long time, right? >> he was going wrong, stealing cars, getting in trouble. i pulled him off of the streets and got him a job on "roseanne." >> i played booker, roseanne's boss on the show. the whole factory part of josho you couldn't get a laugh to save your life. >> jimmy: at that time, did you ever imagine that this guy who was on the sitcom would be directing you in a world war ii picture? >> exactly. first day we met. i called him sergeant. and said i know nothing. >> jimmy: cate, did you have fun being surrounded by all of these guys? >> i wasn't born when you were doing that "roseanne."

>> jimmy: you told this before about the movie garfield and you thought it was a coen brother story. >> i said oh, i love their movies. well, it was a different spelling of cohen. >> jimmy: yeah. so they called me and i got a phone call and i never get asked to be in anything, but they called and asked me to be spanky the dog in the garfield movie. and i said no, i don't want to do that. and they said oh, bill murray is garfield. oh, i definitely want to do it. i wound up doing a movie that i didn't want to do because you didn't know you were doing that movie. >> well, i did a movie i didn't want to do either. his name is spelled in a funny way. >> i thought i was doing a cartoon and i wound up in "raising arizona."

>> jimmy: well, you and bill are kind of a duo in the movie. you travel around germany looking for these people. or did you -- you guys don't seem like the same type of guy in real life and, well, certainly in the film either. >> well, there's some great similarities between us. >> jimmy: what are the similarities? >> i can't think of any right now. well, we both agree that your spanky was amazing. >> jimmy: thank you very much. >> can you do your spanky. >> jimmy: it was just me. spanky was just me acting like a job. >> jimmy: this is spanky with bill. we did have incredible chemistry. although i admit i never saw it. >> did you actually work together at any point? >> jimmy: no, no, we didn't. i thought we would be vacationing together. maybe spend the week at my

house. >> when we did "fantastic mr. fox" that's what happened. we stayed in a farmhouse together. >> jimmy: we didn't do that. there were no foxes at all in the garfield movie. did you and bill socialize over the course of -- >> when we had to, yes. >> jimmy: what do you do together? >> well, he's the only one that could go out on foot. george can't go -- doesn't go out on foot. george has, like, the secret police a lot of time. and it was a little hard. but bob could walk out on the street and i could walk out on the street in germany and they had never seen garfield so they were safe. so we would find little places. >> jimmy: cate, have you ever seen garfield, i didn't imagine we would talk this much about garfield. >> i have seen the comic strip, but like i said, i wasn't born

when -- >> jimmy: cate, i feel bad that i don't have an award to give you tonight. >> you're opposite the kodak. i thought the reason i'm here tonight is so i could camp out and get good seats. >> jimmy: i think you'll probably have a good seat. do you feel superior to the rest of the group? >> i do. but i try not to hold it against any of them. >> jimmy: the basic training, you guys went through kind of -- >> the basic train, what does that involve? >> we didn't really go through basic training. >> jimmy: oh, i thought you were committed to this film. >> no, no, no. we -- there's a -- is there's a place that you can get food in the morning. >> it's a long walk. it's a really long walk. >> jimmy: is it weird hanging out with a bunch of guys dressed at nazis around the knack table? >> well, we were -- when john and i did "o brother where art thou" we had a whole drills team dressed as klu klux klan. and they would be sitting around

the table to get snacks. and they have a burning cross there. all these guys dressed up as the klan. >> we're in formation dancing around this huge group of klansman. and these small planes would be going overhead and i would go, i wonder what they're thinking. >> how did they eat? >> very differently. you have to lift it and put it back -- >> and they're in white, too. they have napkins, big napkins. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break. "the monuments men" is the name of the movie. it comes out tomorrow. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪

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>> would you stop speaking in french?

>> well, if it weren't for us, you would be speaking german. >> no. if it wasn't for you, i might be dead. but i would still be speaking french. >> jimmy: "the monuments men" opens tomorrow. we have a big group here. i thought i would throw some general questions and whoever wants to answer. who among you is the most likely to forget his or her lines? >> i drank the longest. isle just go for that, yeah. >> jimmy: who did the crew like the most of this group? >> me. >> cate, that's kind of true. >> jimmy: who was most likely to pick up the check. >> bob. >> thank you. >> jimmy: who among you knows the least about art? >> matt. >> jimmy: who is the most likely never to speak to anyone else in

the group after you're done here? >> matt. >> jimmy: matt as well. who complained the most on the set? >> matt. >> jimmy: who need the most me time. >> matt. >> jimmy: who is most likely to google his or herself? >> right now? >> jimmy: in general. >> hmm. >> jimmy: wow. i mean, it's kind of a bummer, really. >> i'm starting to see your point. you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: it's like all right already. we get it. >> when is somebody going to do something about it? >> we should do something. >> jimmy: show of hands, who believes he actually wrote -- mine, he won an oscar for what? >> he didn't write any of that. >> no, no, he didn't write it. >> jimmy: i mean maybe he typed

it. sorry, matt, we can't hear you. no, your audio is not on. we can't hear you. i'm sorry, yeah. i know, i know, i know. you can hear us, though? nod once if you can hear us. yes. can you hear us? no, we can't hear anything. you know, let's take a break then we'll decide whether or not we should let matt join us. and the cast of "the monuments men" is here with us. and maybe matt damon will join us next, too. we'll see. we'll be right back. nearly double the fuel economy of the average vehicle... it kinda makes me want to double the awesomeness of everything. ha! ha ho! ma lord.

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>> jimmy: i'm been told we have to bring in our next guest. he is an actor at best, who has only one oscar and he's here because the band didn't show up. please welcome the least "the monuments men" matt damon. [ applause ] >> jimmy: so when you shoot a movie that is a period movie like this -- >> i'm sorry. but do i get a [ bleep ] chair? >> jimmy: oh, is there not room for you? oh, i'm so sorry. okay. but anyway, when you're shooting a movie like this. >> can i just get a chair? >> jimmy: will you get the baby his chair?

guillermo will get you a chair. is that all right? was he like this the whole time on the set? [ applause ] >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: so bill, now, in in movm this movie when you guys are in the military, i have to say i'm watching it and it really reminded me in a way of "stripes" because you're just a ragtag -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: and even the soundtrack to the movie is kind of reminiscent of "stripes" especially the end of the film. did you think of that? were any of you conscious of that in that situation when you were shooting it? >> well, it reminded me a bit in the midst of it. george has probably got the music on his phone.

he could probably play the whistling sequence on the phone. >> we recorded it at abbey road. and we literally whistled the theme like the old movies do. granted, all of us ended up whistling along with a london symphony orchestra. it was a really fun time. >> jimmy: that does sound like a lot of fun. >> if you get a symphony ok tra to all whistle together, that's a moment, i think. >> a lot of people said matt damon didn't have the chops to be, you know, acting wise to be part of a group like this. >> nobody said that. what are you talking about? >> but, you -- he -- >> jimmy: i didn't expect an answer. i just wanted to get that on the record. that a lot of people said that. you did what you could. but, you know -- >> there's only so much you can do. >> jimmy: you work with the material you're given. cate, all of your scenes for the most part were with him.

>> i have great respect for the work of the make a wish foundation. and then george said, you know -- >> jimmy: it is a testament to -- oh, look at that, you moved his toupee. i think it's a testament to your ability as an actor that you were able to -- it was -- i did feel like there was an attraction there -- >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: without giving too much away. his character in the movie is married and -- >> gay. >> no, no. that's not even true. >> jimmy: and there is a scene where you're alone together and i think we have that. >> oh, [ bleep ]

. [ applause ] >> mama mia. >> that's not the same movie. >> jimmy: bill, i didn't know if you were going to be here tonight. because i know that it's kind of like -- to get a hold of you, there's a secret telephone number. does anyone other than george have this secret telephone number? >> i can't tell you. how can you change the subject after what we just saw? [ applause ] >> i'm sorry. i've just never seen that before.

and that's acting. >> jimmy: yeah. well, maybe not. i don't know. >> but, you know, the army has changed. [ applause ] >> give credit to grant and george for writing a script that, you know, was way ahead of its time. >> way ahead. >> jimmy: i should ask, what's next for matt damon? actually, that was for george. >> well, matt is doing -- he's been auditioning for a cereal commercial. and i think he's got a really good shot at getting it. >> jimmy: oh, well, that's -- >> and he's doing some interpretive dance. dinner theatre which is sort of a weird combination.

because it kind of puts you off your feed a little bit. but things are going good. he's got a lot of irons in the fire. >> jimmy: that's good for him. i'm very happy for him. why don't we take a break here. >> sure, why not. let's take a break. >> jimmy: and i want to thank -- thanks for coming by. oh, did you want to stay? >> are you going to ask me a [ bleep ] question. >> jimmy: we'll have the whole cast stay for one more segment. we have the cast of "the monuments men." >> next week on "jimmy kimmel live" julia roberts, joel kinnaman, gary oldman, and from the super bowl champion seattle seahawks, richard sherman and mvp malcolm smith.

♪ they lived. ♪ they lived. ♪ they lived. ♪ (dad) we lived... thanks to our subaru. ♪ (announcer) love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru.

>> jimmy: welcome back. the cast of "the monuments men." it opens tomorrow. john goodman, bob balaban, george clooney, cate blanchett is with us. how do you get a cast like this together. in a way, you had to do it in character in the film. we had to go around and convince everybody to be a part of this. >> i flew australia for one night. >> it was great, george. >> i've heard that. and i -- most of the parts were written for the people that we -- that we actually got in it. so we got all the people that we wanted. >> jimmy: really? you wanted to have all of these people? people you wanted? >> i wanted them all. >> jimmy: like every single one of them? >> all of them. >> jimmy: hmm. well, okay, not all of them. >> jimmy: i really appreciate everybody coming. the movie is great.

you should be very proud of it. and i mean, what? what? >> what? what? >> jimmy: why are you looking at me like that for. >> i finally get on the show. ask me a question. >> jimmy: fine, i'm ask you a question. >> ask me a [ bleep ] question. >> jimmy: what's your problem? how's that for a question? all right, i have a question for you. >> go ahead. what is it. >> jimmy: you work with a lot of director, right? most of them i wouldn't say dislike you, but they're not friends. like what is it like to work under a director who is your friend like george clooney? >> okay, so that's a real question. i'll answer it. [ alarm blaring ] >> jimmy: oh, no. that's a fire alarm. i'm going to need everyone to exit the theatre immediately. >> no, no, no, no. it's not a real fire. come on, man. it's not a fire. >> jimmy: a fire is a fire, dude.

>> it's not a fire. >> jimmy: it is a fire. we're going to get everybody to come on out here. >> there's nothing on fire. the band is going to [ bleep ] leave to? no, i'm not leaving. i came here to talk about "the monuments men." i'm going to talk about "the monuments men." this is obviously a trick. there's no fire, guys. you know what, fine. you know what, this show sucks. this audience sucks. the band sucks. and i'm going to talk about "monuments men." when i first read the script for "monuments men" i knew -- come on! there's not a fire! there's no fire. you're not even firemen! [ bleep ] [ bleep ] you're extras! just stop it!

they're paying you 50 bucks. oh, god, it's freezing. all right, jimmy, mark my words. i'm going to grab you around the balls and i'm going to -- tonight on "nightline." >> 911. >> there's been a gunshot at the theatre. >> he used a cell phone at the movies. >> come on, buddy, breathe! >> and now the father of a young child is dead. the shooter, a former police captain is charged with murder. he's claiming self-defense. but what was he defending himself against? witnesses say it was only popcorn. the new emotional testimony. >> i say bring it on. >> and a fake fuelled showdown over an age-old question where do we come from. evolution versus creationism. tonight, we