at 5:00 a.m. for the ,, >> from hollywood, it's jimmy kimmel night. and now, why not, here's jimmy kimmel! >> thank you for joining us. it has been sunny and warm just despite the fact that most of the rest of the country is

frozen waiting for queen elsa to experience an act of true love to warm them up. this winter storm, the national weather service is calling it a storm of historical proportions. states of emergency have have been declared. it is so cold right now, they actually had to break florida off the map to use it as an ice scraper for the rest of the country. so goodbye nana and papa. atlanta is covered in almost an inch of ice. thousands of flights have been canceled. power is out in hundreds of thousands of houses in north carolina and georgia. it's bad news. but i'll tell you something, when you look at those instagram pictures icicles hanging off of tree branch, it makes it all worthwhile. meanwhile, bob costas out of commission tonight because he has pink eye. matt lauer had to fill in. he said my eyes are blurry and watery and become so sensitive

even in dim light they're constantly tearing up. which sounds like a teenager trying to convince his mom he doesn't smoke pot to me. things are a real mess in sochi. a lot of seats for the events are empty because the tickets never got sold or because the ticket holders didn't show up. this is a picture of the crowd at an alpine ski event. couldn't even find a friend to come with him. if i was him, i would fill those seats with all the stray dogs that have been roaming around the city. the russians are now using volunteers to fill the seats. although in russia volunteering works a little different than it does here. >> residents in sochi and surrounding area. the following volunteers report to fill seats. sergie brutoneski, figure skating palace. olga with the one leg, curling center. report immediately or you will be shot. >> jimmy: it's like a clippers

game. . this is controversial, i don't know if you've seen this, but as you know, russia has drawn a lot to have criticism for discriminating against homosexuals. at one point, some countries were even considering a boycott. while that didn't happen, something called the canadian institute of diversity and inclusion released this video that takes a humorous look at a serious issue. ♪ ♪ don't you want me oh ♪ don't you want me baby >> jimmy: so it's a great ad. they made their point. the video has been viewed already 5 million times. but some of the olympic lugers do not like it.

they don't appreciate their sport being depicted as gay even though it very clearly is. how do you not make fun of a sport that's essentially high velocity spooning. one american luger, matthew mortenson called me out personally. whether it's jimmy kimmel or conan o'brien, lugers are always the talk. it's never about footballers taking a snap or whatever. i can't speak for conan, but i make immature gay jokes about athletes almost every night on this show. i take offense on this statement. you say the jokes are never about football in let's set the time machine back to this monday night. here's the thing. football is a sport in which men in very tielgt paght pants run piling on top of each other. i think football players should have to come out as straight.

apology accepted matthew mortenson, you luger. i understand why these guys are upset. but come on, there's two men in spandex lying on top of each other. maybe if they were positioned in a different way. for instance, this is the traditional position for the double luge. you've seen this all week. we could not show olympic footage, but you can see why people might think that's a little whatever. but maybe luging would seem less sexual if they tried different positions. and we have some suggestions. for instance, okay, face to face. or we call this the hood ornament. here we have the snow lotus. this one is known as the surf

and turf. and finally, this one is called the free style. there's no free style in luge. i don't even understand how someone decides to luge. i mean, well, i'm pretty good at lying down. i'm good at toe pointing. i think i'll -- in other unusual sports news, in madison square garden in new york, the thrilling conclusion to the 138th annual westminster kennel club dog show. more than 2,800 dogs competed. although most of them were just there to hook up. but the big winner was a wire box scarier named skye. as with all pageant winners, skye will now be offered up for marriage to donald trump. skye has more than 100 ribbons and trophies. why do dogs need trophies.

seems all you have to do is tell them what a good girl they are and they're happy. yes, you are. but this is a huge honor for skye which she forgot about immediately the moment she saw a squirrel. this morning, though, skye really took a liking to george stephanopolous. >> the best of show skye is here. >> thank you so much. so very best -- a true champion. >> jimmy: i'm going to stop the tape. i think i have the perfect soundtrack for this clip. ♪ ♪ don't you want me baby ♪ don't you want me oh

>> jimmy: get a can he belieken. i think we just discovered the first human-dog luge team. how are you doing guillermo? >> guillermo: doing great. >> jimmy: guillermo was a guest on a spanish talk show. that's the host's name? >> guillermo: yeah, banana. >> jimmy: he doesn't dres like a banana. >> guillermo: no, he dres s lik a clown. >> jimmy: makes perfect sense. see if you can follow along with what he's saying about me here. [ speaking spanish ] . >> salsa. ♪

>> marange. ♪ >> mambo? ♪ >> jimmy: were you making fup of my dancing? >> guillermo: no, no. >> jimmy: you weren't? good, because it almost seemed like you were when you were doing that. >> guillermo: no, no. >> jimmy: you were never do that to me, would you? >> guillermo: never. >> jimmy: that wasn't the only indignity i suffered on spanish language tv. after the interview segment, guillermo played a game. here's what i would like you to do at home. try to imagine the most stereotypical game show you can think of on a spanish language tv show. do you have something in mind? okay, roll the tape.

>> jimmy: did you have fun on the show? >> a lot of fun. >> jimmy: you and the obese clown enjoyed yourselves? >> guillermo: yeah, we had a great time. >> jimmy: well, you will be missed. guillermo, everybody. he's retiring tonight. we're going to take break. when we come back, we're going to check out one of our friends at the indian call center. we have not heard from them in a while. nathan filian, abbey cornish. like carpools... polly wants to know if we can pick her up. yeah, we can make room. yeah.

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>> jimmy: hi, everybody. welcome back. nathan fillion and abbie cornish and music from naughty boy and sam smith. the winter games are going on pretty much all day and all night for the next week and a half. that means we have a lot of jokes to come up with for you. we find ourselves in a situation like this, from time to time, we will outsource some of our joke writing to a company in india. they do very good work. and now might be a good time to see if they have any good olympic jokes. hello? hello? >> thank you for calling pajama grama.

ask us about the midnight fantasy baby doll set and the pink hoodie footie. my name is jennifer. how can i help you. >> jimmy: jennifer? no, i'm not calling for the footie hoodie. i'm calling for some jokes. >> hey, mr. jimmy kimmel! i am so sorry. >> jimmy: that's okay. >> how exactly is it hanging? >> jimmy: it's hanging low, thank you. >> we are all very excited about your big tonight show debut. >> hey, that's the other jimmy. >> i'm sorry. my fumblest apologies. he doesn't know his jimmys. >> jimmy: i was hoping you guys had some jokes about the winter olympics. >> of course. of course, we have many hilariouses ha-has for that great international competition. let me get my number one funny

joke man. roger! roger! >> this is the midnight fantasy baby doll set. >> it's jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: that is embarrassing. oh, look at that. what is that you're wearing there? >> this is the pink hoodie footie. snuggle up from head to toe. would you like to place an order? >> jimmy: no, roger. i need a few jokes about the olympics. >> olympicy jokes. >> okay, jimmy. prepare yourself for some big-time joking around. >> jimmy: all right, i'm ready. i think we're all ready. >> knock, knock. >> jimmy: who's there? >> sochi.

>> jimmy: sochi who? >> sochi only have one working toilet in the whole entire land. >> that is a gold medal for hilarity, right? >> jimmy: i give it a bronze, i think. do you have any more? >> does american snowboarder shaun white poop in the woods? >> jimmy: was that one of the jokes, though? >> no. >> jimmy: okay, so i don't get confused, let's hear the jokes so i know which ones i want to use. >> what does the hotel in sochi have in common with a tight pair of the gentleman's pants? >> there is no bedroom. get it?

because the hotels in sochi have very few accommodations. so there is no room for your testicles. >> jimmy: right. that is why we call him the zing of zing land. >> we have one more and it's a doozy. how many russian men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? >> jimmy: how many? >> only one because two russian men screwing is not allowed. that is why usa is the best. usa! usa! usa!

>> jimmy: you don't have to say that. good luck to the indian olympic team also. that's our helpers at the indian call center, everybody. tonight on the show from "robocop" abbie cornish is here. we'll be right back with nathan fillion. ,, [ male announcer ] the engineer. ♪ and the artist. ♪ when they work together -- well, that's when you can get something really new. ♪ when you hear this sound a-comin' ♪ ♪ hear the drummers drumming ♪ i want you to join together with the band ♪ you can play playstation on your own time. we're trying to shoot a movie here. ♪ now, come on, join together with the band ♪ ♪ the band, the band lovely read susan. may i read something? yes, please. of course. a rich, never bitter taste cup after cup.

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>> jimmy: hi there. welcome back tonight on the program. you can see him in the movie robocop. she plays mrs. robocop. abbie cornish is here. we have music from naughty boy featuring sam smith. and we'll be right back with nathan fillion.

naughty boy almost didn't make it here. he had some trouble at the airport in london. because he is a naughty boy. tomorrow night -- kevin hart will be here, alex pettyfer will be here, we're going to unveil the cover of the new sports illustrated swimsuit issue, and we'll have music from sage the gemini too. so watch us tomorrow. our first guest tonight is an actor in real life and a crime-solving novelist in fake life. he plays richard castle on "castle" which airs right after the bacheloring is done -- monday nights at 10:00 here on abc. please say hello to nathan fillion. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you know, i was watching women's curling a little while ago on the

olympics. >> two things i really like. a, that canadians are doing very well in the olympics. b, being canadian trying to kind of take credit. yeah, we're doing great, right? yes. >> jimmy: there's nothing wrong with that. people live in the city. you live in seattle, you take credit for the super bowl. >> i have no problem with it. here's something else i find very exciting. have you heard the canadians have set up a beer fridge in russia? there's a beer fridge, free moulson for canadians. you have to scan your passport and the fridge opens. >> jimmy: is that right? >> swear to god. my only problem is, when i travel, i lock my passport in a little safe in the room. i don't walk around with my passport. you need that to get in and you

need to get out. >> jimmy: now you have a reason to walk around and get drunk and lose it. >> i need a machine to tell i'm canadian without a passport. i have an idea. a little camera, sees if i'm wearing shorts in winter. canadian. >> jimmy: is that how you know? >> 40 below, if there's suns out, canadians in shorts, socks and sandals. >> jimmy: how would they keep that stocked? my guess is that there are only a dozen canadians over there because it seems like, i mean, everybody is drinking a six pack. if it's free, you're going to have to stock that -- and by the way, it's probably the only piece of machinery actually functioning in sochi right now. so people probably gather around it. and another thing, what would make you hate canadians more than standing around while they get free beer and no one else does?

this is not a good idea, i think. i mean, really. >> you think we're going to start an international incident. >> jimmy: and if that was an american machine, there would be a guy with his passport selling beers to other nations. >> entrepreneurial spirit. i think you brought a cauterizer for your skin or something on ebay? >> for skin tags. >> jimmy: i'm the same way. i buy things day and night. >> i love gadgets. i have a couple of apps that will tell us about gadgets. i go on amazon, where's the best gadget? and i get it. then you have that experience. check out this gadget. and the one time you really want it to impress -- it impressed you. but showing your friends and it fails. i've had two just really terrible experiences lately. i had a bunch of friends over for a grilling. nice summer day. >> jimmy: grilling? you were interrogating them?

>> barbecue. barbecue. roasting meat. that does sound really weird, doesn't it? so everybody is coming over, having fun. my friend michelle, her parents were from out of town from oregon. i'm sitting across from her dad. you've got sunny day, meat, wasps. i said i've got just the thing. don't move, tom. i'll be right back. you can shoot a fly from two feet with salt. it's so much fun. so i'm going to impress tom with this. check this out. ready? pow. i hit that wasp. but right behind that pork rib, the lip of the plate, it came right up into tom's face. the last thing he saw was an angry wasp flying up the pant leg of his shorts. the next time tom came to town, he insisted we eat out. >> jimmy: wow.

that's no good at all. by the way, i will order one of those guns the moment the show is over because i want to have that. you said it did not function properly? >> well, the problem was the execution. >> jimmy: were you doing the grilling yourself? >> i do the grilling myself. it leads me to my second fail. friends of mine invited me over. they have this brand-new blender. the vitamix 5200. >> jimmy: i have one of those. >> it doesn't matter what you put in there, it's welcome quid. frozen everything. liquid. >> jimmy: you could drop guillermo in that thing. >> uranium, it would be liquid. it's amazing. set it up with all the cooking -- we watch a cooking show. we'll just put in some of this and some of this. it's all set up. so these friends of mine were making shakes. it was to die for. she's scooping in the bits. i said i'm doing this. as soon as i get home.

amazon, vitamix, the dish, the little scoop. invite all my friends over. these nutrients are good for this. these frozen bits are good for that. it looks like an infomercial for the vitamix. >> jimmy: for the worst party ever? >> it's all about your audience. it didn't turn out well. something was terribly wrong. >> jimmy: oh, did it? >> i'm not going to lie. it was bad. it was bad. it was industrial. it was gritty. someone said didn't you wash it first? i washed it, it was clean. i tried to drink mine. it was not good. everybody leaves, i'm putting the dishes away. i'm going where's my scoop. i had it in the -- >> jimmy: oh, yeah.

there's fine grit in my glass. i fed all my friends a scoop. >> jimmy: that's not good. when they say put in a scoop, just the contents of the scoop. did you tell your friends? >> they're going to know now. >> jimmy: they go to the bathroom and legos come out. wow, that's -- yeah, that's not good planning. we're going to take a break here. castle, this is your highest rated season -- >> we're doing okay. so are you. >> jimmy: nathan fillion is here. we'll be right back. >> the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by at&t. rethink possible. ♪ ♪

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ñ >> what were those girls so afraid of? what happened in their calf fear yeah? you must have spent a lot of time in this hallway. >> more than i did in class. >> i bet the principal hated you. >> i wonder if hate is a strong enough word. he had to hire a crane to get that cow off the roof. i'm sure that battle ax has long since retired. put out to pasture, so to speak. >> is that a bo vine reference, mr. rogers?

>> you're still here? >> and sadly, you have returned. >> jimmy: now, i think the reason they're having their best season yet, how many seasons have you been on the air? >> this is number six. >> it's very unusual that you would hit this height in the sic season of the show. but people like to see that you guyed are engaged on the show now. >> we are. i have never been employed this long, i can tell you that. >> jimmy: how long were you on "firefly"? >> two weeks. >> jimmy: do you have any crossovers in the fans there? or are they different groups? i know the "firefly" fans are rabidly -- like that. >> here's something that's never happened to me before. twitter, what a wonderful thing. you're on the twitter. you can really see what people

are doing, what people are passionate about. i'm seeing a lot of tattoos. i see firefly tattoos, i see castle tattoos. i have never done that. my face right there. >> jimmy: have you met any of the people with your tattoo? >> i don't have to. i see them on twitter. >> jimmy: and you probably don't want to. >> i go to these sci-fi conventions where they have a big spaceship or a quote from the show. i wouldn't do that. but i can understand that. when it comes to tattooing another human being's face, something that you don't actually know, it's like a -- it's a very strange thing. it's only fair that you get their faces tattooed on your body. if you really cared about your fans. that's what you would do. >> okay. okay. >> jimmy: you're an artist. your body is a canvas. i think you should go for it. >> jimmy: you can order something from amazon to burn it

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>> jimmy: our next guest is one half of the most high-profile robot love affair since r2d2 met c3po. she plays robocop's wife clara in the new version of "robocop" which opened in theaters earlier tonight. please welcome abbie cornish. [ applause ] you look fantastic. thank you for coming.

i know you brought some of yo you are family here. >> i did, where are they? >> jimmy: are they in the audience or backstage? >> there we are. >> jimmy: i noticed we had an unusual number of australians here in the crowd tonight. and it turns out that i did a little poll before the show. many of them know how to throw a boomerang. many of them. >> i watched. none of them did. >> jimmy: wait a minute. you know how to throw a boomerang. the lawyer knows how to throw a boomerang. the only one that doesn't is the lady in green. but the boyfriend in the hat, h enos how to throw a boomerang. how dare you come to this country and challenge my knowledge of my audience. how are you doing? how many in your family are here tonight? >> so we have -- well, in total, there's one, two, three, four. there's a family of seven. my brother has -- he's, you know, fiancee with him. >> jimmy: very nice. and you guys are close? >> we're incredibly close. we all refer to ourselves as the corns. and we all named each other.

>> jimmy: because of your last name. the corns. >> yeah, the corns. we are corns. we are strong. >> jimmy: oh, you have a chant and everything. >> we have a chant. my brother hayden made that up. >> jimmy: is that right? >> and we all sort of named each other. my older brother jade, he was named corn dog when he was playing football, rugby union, rugby league. so my dad is corn relish. >> jimmy: corn belly? >> corn relish. it all has to relate to a corn. so my mom is corn chip. my brother hayden is corn roll. we have corn flake. i'm corn pop. >> jimmy: your dad should be corn pop, right? that would make more sense. we thought corn relish. it's a little older. we went with corn relish. i'm sorry, dad. then there's baby corn. my younger sister. you know what we thought? if you want to be an honorary corn, you can be jimmy corn mill.

>> jimmy: or cracked corn. or like corned nuts. >> like in mexico, corned nuts? >> jimmy: no, here in the good 'ol united states, we have corn n nuts. >> i have seen them in the store. >> jimmy: in mexico they make them at home. here in the united states, we have them as god intended, packaged. >> i ate them on the row many a times. >> jimmy: speaking of many on the road, this is something you posted to your twitter page. this is a photograph. you were driving a recreational vehicle here. now, is this posed or are you really driving this rv? >> i'm really driving that rv. >> jimmy: why are you driving an rv? >> for me, it was a little bit of a bucket list thing. when i was a kid, i wanted to be a musician and i had a dream of touring on a big massive luxury 37-foot rv.

so i decided when i finished "robocop" that i deserved a holiday. so i hired a luxury rv, the same one i saw lil wheezy, aka, lil wayne. and this bus rolls up. and i see in window go down. i just see little wheezy up top. and i'm like -- >> jimmy: just to give you an idea of the size of this thing. >> it's big, right? that is enormous. >> that's how lil wheezy rolls. >> jimmy: you could get a couple of big wheezies in this thing. don't you have to have a special license to drive something this large? >> nope. normal driver's license. literally. i had a 30-minute tutorial on this thing. literally the guy is like you do

this, do this, press this, see you later. and i'm like driving out of this rv rental place in this 37-foot rv going holy crap. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i have no idea. i'm like how we doing on the left flank. how we doing on the right? are we clear, are we clear? >> jimmy: lil wheezy is in his rv, he's riding. he's not driving the rv. >> who knows what lil wheezy is doing. i would like to ask lil wheezy that. >> jimmy: did you pull over into the camps and live with people? >> yes, i did. but the very first night we did it a little bit rough. the first night, i did 1,500 miles in seven days. i drove the entire way. we went up san francisco around yosemite, back down to joshua tree looped back around, up the coast and back to l.a. >> jimmy: who were you with? >> my little sister and her boyfriend. >> jimmy: they didn't take any turns? >> my sister is 19.

hey, sis, drive the rv. you'll be fine, don't worry. so no, i drove the whole entire way. i also loved it. for me it was like meditation. i was so happy on that road. but it's funny. each time you pass another rv driver, you wave. you literally -- it's like "we're the millers" for reals. >> jimmy: did the guy tell you that as part of the 30 minute tutorial? >> the 30-minute tutorial was a total waste of time and ended up in a fan photo and a signature. >> jimmy: hey, good luck with the rv, can i get a photograph? so i'm on the road and literally each time anything would go wrong, i would have to pull out the manual, which was, like, this big and go through, like, you know like sandra bullock in "gravity." each time she gets into a new pod -- >> jimmy: you watch a lot of movies, don't you? >> i do. >> jimmy: i wouldn't want to

have to get the manual out. i don't read manuals. if i get a new car, i never read the manual because i like -- in two years i'll discover i have a seat warmer. oh, that's a nice surprise. >> but who doesn't -- a seat heater is the best thing. my brother hated it and cranks it to five. middle of summer, 5. how you doing there? he's like i'm cooking. >> jimmy: well, that's corn dog for you. congratulations on the movie. the movie is called "robocop." it is in theatres now. abbie cornish, everybody. we'll be right back with naughty boy and sam smith. >> the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by at&t. rethink possible.

,, ,, >> jimmy: i want to thank all the corn family and nathan fillion. i want to apologize to matt damon. we ran out of time. he will be rescheduled. nightline is next, but first, his new album is called, "hotel cabana" here with the song, "la la la" with some help from sam smith, naughty boy. ♪ (la la -- la la la la la na na na na na) (la la na na -- la la

la la la na na na na na) (la la -- la la la la la na na na na na) (la la na na -- la la la la la na na na na na) ♪ ♪ hush -- don't speak when you spit your veno -- keep it shut i hate it when you hiss and preach about your new messiah 'cause your theories catch fire ♪ ♪ i can't find your silver lining i don't mean to judge but when you read your speech -- it's tiring enough is enough ♪ ♪ i'm covering my ears like a

kid when your words mean nothing -- i go la la la i'm turning up the volume when you speak 'cause if my heart can't stop it -- i find a way to block it -- i go ♪ ♪ (la la -- la la la la la na na na na na) (la la na na -- la la la la la na na na na na) i find a way to block it -- i go (la la -- la la la la la na na na na na) (la la na na -- la la la la la na na na na na) ♪ ♪ if our love is running out of time i won't count the hours -- rather be a coward when our worlds collide i'm gonna drown you out before i lose my mind ♪ ♪ i can't find your silver lining i don't mean to judge but when you read your speech -- it's tiring enough is enough ♪ ♪ i'm covering my ears like a kid when your words mean nothing -- i go la la la i'm turning up the volume when you speak 'cause if my heart can't stop it -- i find a way to block it -- i go ♪

♪ (la la -- la la la la la na na na na na) (la la na na -- la la la la la na na na na na) i find a way to block it -- i go ♪ ♪ (la la -- la la la la la na na na na na) (la la na na -- la la la la la na na na na na) i find a way to block i -- i go -- ♪ ♪ (la la -- la la la la la na na na na na) (la la na na -- la la la la la na na na na na) i find a way to block it -- i go (la la -- la la la la la na na na na na) (la la na na -- la la la la la na na na na na) ♪ ♪ i'm covering my ears like a kid when your words mean nothing -- i go la la la i'm turning up the volume when you speak 'cause if

my heart can't stop it -- i find a way to block it -- i go ♪ ♪ i'm covering my ears like a kid when your words mean nothing -- i go la la la i'm turning up the volume when you speak 'cause if my heart can't stop it -- i find a way to block it -- i go ♪ ♪ (la la -- la la la la la na na na na na) (la la na na -- la la la la la na na na na na) (la la -- la la la la la na na na na na) (la la na na -- la la la la la na na na na na) ♪ ,,

tonight on "nightline," really big love. polyga polygamy, multiple spouses and now multiple reality shows. one of them leading the fight to make the practice legal, and winning round one. >> thousands of people living in plural marriage in utah now are free. >> they say it's their right, and that they are not wrong. >> it's the most humbling thing i've ever done in my life. >> plus, a young mother raises her child in prison, yes, prison. and she's one of hundreds. they say it's good for the moms. but what about the babies behind bars. >> just seeing his little face every day is going to be a big incentive for me, definitely. >> and saving sebastian.