joining us. >> >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- liam neeson, josh groban, and dave salmoni with animals. with cleto and the cletones. and now, for the 2,000th time, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for coming. for joining us in person. [ cheers and applause ]

i appreciate that. you know, it's a landmark night for our show tonight. it's a milestone. this show tonight is our 2,000th show. [ cheers and applause ] i have to say, honestly i only remember about eight of them. maybe. [ laughter ] you know, if this was oprah's 2,000th show you guys here in the studio audience would probably walk away with some pretty cool stuff. but -- [ cheers and applause ] it's not oprah. it's me. so you won't. [ laughter ] i can't believe i've done this 2,000 times. it's like enough already, right? i mean -- i think the last time i did something 2,000 times was checking facebook at my parents' house over thanksgiving. [ laughter ] we did something interesting today. have you ever seen those word clouds? they have the apps that will search through your facebook and twitter accounts and they'll tally up which words you use most frequently in your posts. today -- we actually did this. we fed all 2,000 of our monologues into a website called wordle and this is what came

out. the number one word we used was "america." more than any other word. "president" was number two. "guillermo" was number three. [ cheers and applause ] >> wow. >> jimmy: the fourth most used word, "love." nice. "best" was fifth. "obama" was sixth. bachelor was seven. "oprah" was eight. "baby" was nine. bush was ten. dancing was 11. sex was 12. justin was 13. and bieber was 14. [ cheers and applause ] there you go. hey, we have a fun show for you tonight. liam neeson is here for the first time. [ cheers and applause ] guillermo, if there was ever a night for you to be taken hostage by eastern european sex traffickers this is the one because liam neeson could rescue you. >> yeah, he's -- good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and animal trainer dave salmoni is with us tonight.

[ cheers and applause ] dave's here to make sure we don't make it to our 2,001 -- that's obviously a tiger. what kind of a tiger is it? >> it's a siberian tiger. >> it wants to cuddle. >> jimmy: why should i be relaxed when this siberian tiger is already killing you in the dressing room? >> she's really excited to see us. >> jimmy: against my better judgment we will see dave later. thank you, dave. [ cheers and applause ] so tonight we'll have liam and tigers and bears. oh, my. speaking of bears, the winter olympics wrapped up in sochi last night. so good-bye, men in leotards. we'll see you again in four years. [ laughter ] nbc aired the closing ceremonies last night. and is pot legal in russia? because whoever choreographed that show last night was definitely on something. [ laughter ] if you didn't see it, there was a rabbit and a leopard and a giant snuggles the fabric softener bear. [ laughter ] the bear blew out a bowl of fire. and then a tear, a single tear

rolled down. did you see that? >> the bear, the hare, and the leopard as the mascots of these sochi games. ♪ >> and there's the tear. >> jimmy: yeah, he's crying because he knows they're going to take his head off and stick it in a warehouse somewhere in siberia. but the russians finished up with a win in their favorite sport, the biathlon. what a country. they love biathletes, they hate bi athletes. [ cheers and applause ] russia finished with the most medals of any beat sweden

yesterday, and no one was more excited than toronto mayor rob ford. he watched the game at a sports bar. you can see here he is cheering after canada scored their second goal. and then when team canada won the game he went out into maple leaf square to celebrate, and somebody put a gold medal around his neck. and of course he tried to eat it. [ laughter ] you never know with gold, it could be filled with chocolate. and as is usually the case, mayor ford was surrounded by a mob of admirers, which made it difficult for him to see. so this fire hydrant, he ran into that crotch first. you see. [ laughter ] maybe they should paint it a bright color so that doesn't happen again in the future. believe it or not, running into a fire hydrant was not the most entertaining thing rob ford did this week. saturday night he was at a fund-raising event and he tried his hand at deejaying. now, you might assume that mayor

ford wouldn't be a very good deejay, and you would be absolutely correct with that assumption. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> the mayor, everybody. rob ford. give it up. give it up! >> jimmy: sometimes i feel like he's doing this stuff specifically for me. so thank you, sir sweats-a-lot for that generous contribution to the 2,000th show. you'll be in the word cloud the next time around bleefrks m, be. you know, it's girl scout cookie season. the cookies are starting to roll in. when i was a kid i wasn't good at selling things. i'd have to sell these generic

brand krackle bars for my little league team. you'd have to go door to door like some registered sex offender. i'd go two doors and not sell anything and then sell one to my aunt and my grandma. i was not a go-getter. some kids went nuts with it. i always hated those kids. but this one has my full and utmost admiration. >> 13-year-old scout named danielle leigh put out a table outside the pot club on monday. and guess what? the cookies sold out quickly. >> after 45 minutes she had to call for reinforcement cookies. back-ups. and her mother was quoted as saying that she sold about 117 boxes in two hours. >> jimmy: and by the way, 117 boxes in two hours to one guy. [ laughter ] we had a new episode of "the bachelor" here on abc tonight. it was the hometown date episode. this is where juan pablo met the families of his four potential brides. and that is always where -- imagine walking up to like your girlfriend's father, shaking his hand, and saying i'd like to

marry your -- either your daughter or one of three other people's daughters. but there's a new bachelor tomorrow night, and it's the fantasy suite episode. sow know it's going to be a good one. this is when the bachelor has sex with all of the women before he gets stuck with just the one. apparently, this fantasy suite thing caused a big problem. they're going to show the whole deal on tomorrow night's show. but they gave us a sneak preview. an andi, who is a woman, gets very upset when juan pablo tells her that claree, who's another woman, stayed overnight with him in the fantasy suite. juan pablo doesn't understand why andi's mad. in his mind he's there to have sex with everyone. but here is a glimpse at this very personal argument they had on tv for all of us to enjoy. >> let me ask you this. when you tell me that you have already had an overnight date with clare, do you think that's offensive? >> i'm being honest. sometimes i'm honest. is it offensive? sorry. you know there's three other nights. >> right.

which is exactly why i don't need you to tell me that. >> okay. that's fine. i didn't know you were going to take it that way, i guess. >> how else would i take that? >> hey, it's fine. >> it's not fine. you joked about me being here by default. it's not fine. >> i'm being honest. hey, i'm being honest. listen, okay, it's offensive to you that i'm honest and i say -- >> there's a difference between being honest and being an [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: well, she does make a good point. if i was juan pablo, i think i'd just say no hablo ingles and leave it at that. [ laughter ] this has been a particularly emotional season of "the bachelor." everyone on the show tonight cried. every single person on the show tonight cried. and you'd think these people would be prepared for the fact that all but one of them is going to get rejected. and even the one who doesn't get rejected usually gets rejected eventually. but they're not -- they really suffer on this show. and fortunately, there is help for those who want it. >> are you sad? are you crying in front of millions of strangers?

crying basically all the time. is it because your boyfriend is dating a half dozen other women? does your self-esteem depend on whether or not he gives you a flower on tv? do you feel like a ton of different emotions right now? >> i feel like a ton of different emotions right now. >> then you may be suffering from "bachelor-related depression." but there is help. rozac. the anti-depressant formulated specifically for when you didn't get a rose. ask chris harrison if it's rice right for you. may cause hot tub transmitted hpd. only take rozac if you consume more than 12 glasses of pinot grigio a day. rozac. >> available at walgreen's. >> jimmy: re need to take a break. when we come back, there is a special surprise planned to celebrate our 2,000th show when we come back. which would be fun because i hate surprises.

also liam neeson will be here. dave salmoni will be here. and he'll bring animals too. it will probably be fun. so come back. [ cheers and applause ] >> abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by petco, the power of together. nearly double the fuel economy of the average vehicle... it kinda makes me want to double the awesomeness of everything. ha! ha ho! ma lord. whaaat?!

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. liam neeson is here tonight and dave salmoni is backstage with a pack of wild ravenous animals to eat us all. i mentioned earlier, this is our 2,000th show. we went on the air january 26th, 2003 on a sunday after the super bowl, and we've come a long way since snoop dogg christened our green room long before it was medically permitted here in the state of california. [ laughter ] we've had a lot of fun. we've laughed. we've made kids cry. and i'd just like to take a moment to thank everyone who's made it all possible. my staff and crew, whatever your names are. you mean the world to me. [ laughter ]

our writers, our producers, our camera guys. our various departments. our band, cleto and the cletones. [ cheers and applause ] my little pal guillermo. my right-hand man. thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] happy 2,000th show to you. thanks to everyone for everything that they've done. >> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> we have a surprise for you. >> jimmy: oh, you do? >> yes. ladies and gentlemen, here to wish jimmy for happy 2,000th show, we have a professional singer. over here, jimmy. >> jimmy: okay. who is it? >> josh groban. >> jimmy: oh, it's josh groban! [ cheers and applause ] josh, how are you? >> good to see you. >> jimmy: how are you doing? oh, thank you. >> it's splintering. >> jimmy: sit right here? >> please sit. please sit. thank you very much. >> jimmy: this is nice.

[ cheers and applause ] how are you? >> i'm well. i'm well. this is a hugely important evening for you. and i'm very honored. we wrote a little song to commemorate what a tremendous history you've had on this show. and so if you don't mind we'd like to sing it for you now. russell, if you don't mind. ♪ ♪ a million memories in 2,000 shows ♪ ♪ so many precious moments that we all love and know ♪ ♪ 2,000 shows ♪ almost too much fun ♪ let's take a look back at all the things that you've done ♪ ♪ let's take a look back jimmy because you're number one ♪ ♪ you made us laugh winter summer and all the spring ♪ ♪ a generous host who gave away his favorite things ♪ ♪ could you have been any better at chandler bing ♪ >> i think that was matthew perry.

>> nope. ♪ you teamed up with a talking car ♪ ♪ remember when you shot j.r. >> jimmy: no. ♪ retired from baseball to run a bar ♪ >> jimmy: that was "cheers," i think. >> no. cheers to you, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thanks. ♪ these are the things that jimmy's done ♪ ♪ these are the things that i thought jimmy's done ♪ >> jimmy: yeah, that's more like it. ♪ 2,000 shows ♪ well, that's a lot ♪ i'm sure there are things that i forgot ♪ >> jimmy: yeah. definitely. definitely some things. ♪ we all loved it when you said the plane, the plane ♪ >> jimmy: that was tattoo on "fantasy island." ♪ caped crusader by night and by day bruce wayne ♪ >> jimmy: that's batman. ♪ you freaked out america by giving birth to eight kids ♪ >> jimmy: no. that was the octomom. that was not me. ♪ you wanted your baby back baby back baby back ribs ♪

>> jimmy: okay. that's a commercial for chili's. >> you do. you eat ribs, though, right? >> jimmy: yeah. ♪ these are the things that jimmy's done ♪ >> jimmy: actually, none of them are, no. ♪ well, what the [ bleep ] have you done in 11 years ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i've done a lot of things. i hosted the emmys. you were there. >> oh, big deal. everybody's -- i practically hosted the emmys. tom bergeron has hosted the emmys. [ laughter ] can i finish your special song, please? >> jimmy: yeah, go ahead. >> we're almost finished. ♪ you were a warrior princess ♪ cooked meth in an rv flashed your nipple at the super bowl, got drunk and smushed snooki ♪ >> jimmy: no. ♪ here's a story ♪ of a man named jimmy ♪ who was busy raising three duck hunters with beards of their own ♪ ♪ and solving crimes with forensic evidence in las vegas ♪ >> jimmy: oh no no. ♪ miami >> jimmy: no. ♪ maybe new york >> jimmy: not new york, either.

♪ because jimmy is [ bleep ] matt damon ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hold on a second. ♪ jimmy is [ bleep ] matt damon ♪ >> jimmy: it was -- it was ben affleck. it was not matt damon. it was ben affleck. you were actually in that video. you should know that it wasn't matt damon. it was ben affleck that i [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] ♪ you can [ bleep ] whoever you want ♪ ♪ it's your 2,000th show [ cheers and applause ] we're going to miss you jimmy. >> jimmy: i'm not going anywhere. >> we're going to miss you a lot. >> jimmy: thank you. >> congratulations. >> jimmy: thank you very much. josh groban, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] dave salmoni and his animals are here and we'll be right back with liam neeson. [ cheers and applause ]

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: for the 2,000th time, welcome back. tonight on the program, to celebrate our 2,000th show by putting everyone here in danger, from animal planet dave salmoni and his wild, terrifying animals. [ cheers and applause ] i don't know who decided that talk shows need to have animal segments. but i hate them. i hate them. [ laughter ] nothing against dave. i just wish he'd come out here by himself. or maybe with a hamster or something would be nice. i'd also like to thank josh groban, who over the years josh groban has been great to us. he says yes to every ridiculous idea we throw at him. he's like a real singer. so thank you, josh. and apologies for all the damage we've done to your career. tomorrow night -- our pal joel mchale will be here, from the movie "divergent" ansel elgort will be with us, and we'll have music from benmont tench. and later this week we'll be joined by ellen degeneres, kerry washington,

michael strahan, tom ford will be here and we will have music from sky ferreira and juicy j with wiz khalifa. and then on sunday our ninth annual after the oscars special. our guest will be the great kevin spacey and we have a big surprise video with some help from tons of big movie stars. that airs at 10:00 p.m. on the west coast and after the oscars following the late local news everywhere else. our first guest is an academy award and golden globe nominated anthonior who from "schindler's list" to "the a-team" is just great in everything. next, he fights terrorists in a movie you'll probably never see on a plane. it is called "nonstop." it opens in theaters friday. please welcome liam neeson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

how are you? let me tell you something. a lot of actors come out and they're little guys and they play these heroes. you're a big -- you're a man. >> and you're a little guy but you're on a high seat there. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] that's how it works. i even it out. >> 2,000 strong, huh? >> jimmy: how are you doing? did you see the animals backstage? >> no, i didn't. >> jimmy: i don't blame you. i'd steer clear of them all. >> but i know dave. i was on a show a few years ago. >> jimmy: is that right? >> he had me holding some little marsupial creature that was like this. >> jimmy: did you enjoy that? do you like that sort of thing? >> i like animals. i do. as a kid brought up in ireland every summer i was sent out to my aunt and uncle who owned a little farm about 50 miles away. so i -- >> jimmy: oh, that's right. >> milking cows and feeding pigs. >> jimmy: milking cows. have you done that as an adult or just as a kid? >> just as a kid. >> jimmy: are there dangerous animals? ireland? >> just the people sometimes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm trying to think. i can't think of -- none really

come to mind. >> the days way before st. patrick i think in the fifth century there were snakes. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, st. patrick drove them all out. is that right, there are no dangerous snakes in ireland? >> no dangerous snakes. >> jimmy: that's kind of great. i'm surprised some jerk hasn't brought one over there as a pet and that's what happens here. >> you should go over and visit it. >> jimmy: and bring a snake. is your family still living in ireland? >> yeah. my mom and three sxifrz 13 nieces and nephews. >> jimmy: that is a lot. do you know all their names? >> yeah. don't ask me now. >> jimmy: you have neesons and nephews, really. [ laughter ] that's pretty -- do you have to keep in touch like birthdays, all that stuff? >> i have a great assistant, joanna cannon. >> jimmy: i see. >> she remembers. >> jimmy: well, that must be wonderful for the kids when they get a card from your assistant. [ laughter ] with $8 in it or something. >> i stamp my name on it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you and i are in a

movie together. a manny pacquiao documentary. well, you're the narrator and i'm just talking for like five seconds in it. but i feel like we're co-stars. >> sure. we are. [ laughter ] what a boxer, jimmy. >> jimmy: he is, yeah. >> he's one of the greats. >> jimmy: you're a fan of his, i guess. >> i have been for many, many years. and after i narrated our film they -- the producers sent me a little e-mail, a little film footage of manny saying into camera "hello, liam. i look forward to meeting you." i'm showing it to everybody. you know? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you've not met him? >> no, i haven't met him. >> jimmy: oh, how about that? but just because you liked him you that agreed to do this. >> he's fantastic. >> jimmy: he's a lot of fun, too. yeah. he has a beautiful singing voice. i don't know if you have had a chance to hear him. >> i hear he sings at the drop of a hat. >> jimmy: he does. and a lot of hats seem to drop when he's around. [ laughter ] you know, joel kinnaman was on our show a couple of weeks ago. >> sure.

he played my son. >> jimmy: he played your son. and he was saying that in the film you, nick nolte and all three of you worked at one time in your lives, worked in a beer factory. >> that's right. yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i don't think i've ever met anyone that worked in a beer factory. that's a weird coincidence just to start with. >> that's one for the record books. but yeah, nick nolte played my elder brother. joel was my son. and it's a film called "run all night." it's a thriller. we finished it just before christmas. >> jimmy: what did you do in the beer factory? >> i drove a forklift truck in a guinness bottling plant back home. >> jimmy: and do you sample the wares as you are driving? [ laughter ] >> i wasn't allowed to. >> jimmy: you weren't allowed to. >> just by nature of my position on the forklift. >> jimmy: i'm surprised they had that kind of restraint there at the guinness factory. [ laughter ] >> i know. >> jimmy: nick on the other hand had to be getting into the beers. >> i think nick and joel had the occasional one. on a friday afternoon. >> jimmy: yes. i got you. how old were you when you first came to hollywood, when you made the trip out here?

>> i was in my 30s. >> jimmy: and what did you think of it? >> i couldn't get over, jimmy, the size of it, the scale of it. i had these two wonderful agents, harrison goldberg, and i was staying in a little cheap hotel up in the hollywood hills. hollywood boulevard. and they had arranged a meeting for me on sunset -- on santa monica boulevard. and i knew. i said, well, santa monica boulevard's just down there. so i walked down to santa monica boulevard. then i tried to find this address. like two hours later i called my agents. i nearly did. i called my agents. they didn't exist then. i found a payphone. i called them up. i said listen, i can't find this number. they said where are you? where are you parked? i said i'm not parked, i'm walking. they said santa monica boulevard is like 11 or 12 miles long. >> jimmy: yeah. it goes to santa monica.

[ laughter ] when you get to the ocean you know you're in trouble. >> so after that i hired -- there's a rent-a-car place called rent a wreck. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> so i got a little black pinto, and i felt top of the world. [ laughter ] it was like 100 bucks a week or something. >> jimmy: yeah. wow. that's something else. and do you remember any of those roles that you were trying to audition for, something you that -- were you trying to get tv roles or commercials or -- >> whatever. not commercials. no, darling. >> jimmy: not commercials. [ laughter ] >> please. one has standards. >> jimmy: well, you were driving an old pinto. i don't know what kind of standards -- [ cheers and applause ] now, we're going to take a break. liam neeson is here with us. his movie is called "nonstop." it opens on friday. we'll be right back. >> portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by at&t. get your first 90 days of beats music free now. head to att.com/beatsmusic for more information.

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i didn't do anything. >> come with me. >> no. >> marshal, is someone going to tell us what the hell is going on? >> i need your help. >> hey! people are scared. we have a right to know why you searched us. why this plane almost went down. hey! marshal, you and i are going to have a conversation. don't you walk away from me. >> out of the cockpit now. >> you're letting that guy in the cockpit? >> you're going to go back to your seat, you're going to sit down, and you're going to shut up. >> or what? >> from one cop to another. you know. >> jimmy: that is liam neeson in "non-st "non-stop." it opens in theaters on friday.

[ cheers and applause ] and you're get guy in that movie. and you're get guy in that movie. >> i don't want to say. it's a spoiler alert if i say i'm good. >> jimmy: when you shoot a movie that takes place entirely in a plane, do you feel confined? are you stir crazy? >> no. because it was a set. they built the whole airplane from bow to stern in a little studio in queens, new york. >> jimmy: oh. >> whenever julianne moore and myself got tired -- we were in first-class seats, of course. >> jimmy: well, sure, of course. >> when we got tired, we could leave and go to our dressing rooms. >> jimmy: that's nice. >> it was hard on the crew because they had to make themselves disappear. >> jimmy: i hate to do this to you but there's a guy who's -- oh, there he is. who is here -- when i came to work, he's been here since very early this morning. he's -- >> there's always one of those. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: would you mind -- would you mind saying hello to him? >> hi. hi, mr. neeson, i love all your movies. >> thanks. >> really exciting. >> jimmy: do you want to get a picture with mr. neeson there?

>> no. >> that's okay. >> no, i was actually -- i was wondering maybe you could do something else for me. >> sure. >> could you threaten me? [ laughter ] because like in like your action movies there's always the scene where like you threaten someone and you scare the [ bleep ] out of them. [ laughter ] could you scare the [ bleep ] out of me? like it would be an honor, sir. i mean, don't hold back. just go for it. >> jimmy: i don't know if -- >> i usually do it for a lot of pesos. >> i would really appreciate it, sir. >> okay. >> jimmy: you will? oh, you will do it? >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, how will you even -- how do you want to do it? >> sorry. what's your name? >> matthew. >> matthew. okay. do you mind, could you turn the lights down, guys or off or something? >> jimmy: oh, definitely. ♪ >> oh, yeah. spotlight. i like that. i want you to listen very

carefully, matthew. before this night's over i will kill you. but before i kill you i will make you suffer pain so unimaginable you will beg and pray for the gift of death. eventually, i will give you that gift, but when you wake up in hell you won't find peace. you know why, matthew? because i'll be there waiting for you again. matthew. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was pretty -- oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] looks like he had a little bit of an accident there. something matthew -- yeah. >> i want to go home. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, why don't you -- >> i need to go home.

>> jimmy: that seems like a really good idea. [ applause ] >> poor guy. >> jimmy: it's what he asked for, you know? the movie is called "non-stop." it opens in theaters friday. liam neeson, everybody. we'll be right back with dave salmoni and animals. [ cheers and applause ] custom. i can download anything i want. [ girl ] seriously? that's a lot of music. seriously. that's insane. and it's 15 bucks a month for the family. seriously? that's a lot of gold rope. seriously, that's a signature look. you don't have a signature look, honey. ♪ that's a signature look. [ male announcer ] only at&t brings you beats music. unlimited downloads for up to 5 accounts and 10 devices all for $14.99 a month. ♪ was it worshipped by an ancient civilization? it's real paco. [ man laughs, monkey screeches ]

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. our next guest tonight is one of only two people i know who have

had tigers as roommates. another one being mike tyson. he is here with animals again. from animal planet please welcome the canadian tarzan, dave salmoni. [ cheers and applause ] >> okay, okay, okay. >> jimmy: you know what? this is my kind of a bear now. >> yeah, this is perfect for you. >> jimmy: oh, that is very cute. >> now, i know you loving animals, i heard you earlier talk about how much you love them. >> jimmy: yeah. >> why don't you give this one some love? >> jimmy: i don't dislike animals. i just fear them. >> hold this out and -- >> jimmy: let me ask you a couple questions first before i take the animal. is he going to claw me or anything like that? oh. >> you see that guy? how co-claw you? >> jimmy: he looks like a dog. maybe with those big claws. >> he does have big claws and he has big teeth. but no. he's really sweet. you hold him right -- you either hold him like this, which you can tell she's very calmed by. or you can put him next to your

shoulder like this and hard wha whacks. harder whacks the better. if this doesn't make you an animal lover after this -- >> jimmy: okay. again, i don't dislike animals. okay. oh, look at how cute that guy is. >> that's it. >> jimmy: and this is a girl? >> while you're holding him this is what i like to tell you. it is a her. even at this age they can bite pretty hard. so you don't want to put it too close to your nose. >> jimmy: why did you wait to tell me this? [ laughter ] >> you mentioned these big claws. these things although they look like they might dig into your flesh, those are more for digging into the ground. these guys being brown bears -- >> jimmy: oh, this is a brown bear. >> yeah. it's an eurasian brown bear. clearly it's not quite brown yet but it will darken up over time. but these big claws are for digging. >> jimmy: why digging? they eat bugs and stuff like that? >> they can eat bugs and they can eat vegetation. they're omnivorous. >> jimmy: do you like to eat bugs? >> when there's meat to eat they'll eat it. if they're on the coast and they

have fish to eat they'll get really big. and -- >> jimmy: did this one take an ambien or something? what's going on here? [ laughter ] >> clearly she can sense you're an animal lover. >> jimmy: this seems like a stuffed animal. if i was watching i would think -- oh, hey, how are you doing? this doesn't seem real. how old is this guy? >> he's only about nine weeks. so at this age they're very, very sort of new to the world. and as long as you hold them firmly like you have big strong hands he feels comfortable. her feeling comfortable means like okay, i'm relaxed here. >> jimmy: you feel comfortable? [ laughter ] skateboarder. wow. look at that. >> obviously, another big thing you'll see with the back of your fingers, they've got a big muscle between the shoulders. the one thing you know about went to brown bear. if you see something coming at you you'll see that muscle sort of bouncing back and forth. >> jimmy: how many months until this thing could actually kill me? >> i would say right around six

months it would make a big mess of you. bears also have really bad tempers typically. they'll be like this, very calm, and then something will make them angry and you're in big trouble. this is your hand-off cue. >> jimmy: here. before something makes him angry and then he -- >> so we've got lots of fun animals for you. >> jimmy: okay. >> different levels of cuteness. >> jimmy: this one i don't want to touch. >> oh, this is an amazing one. this is a palawan porcupine. >> jimmy: but those are pointy, right? >> they're very pointy. >> jimmy: looks just like guillermo's hair. exactly. [ laughter ] >> do you want to try to hold this one? >> jimmy: i guess so. >> hold it right to your chest. i'm going to stand up. >> jimmy: oh, really? this one seems squirrelly to me. what do do i? >> hands out. like that. >> jimmy: it hurts. >> yeah, it hurts a little. those are the quills you feel. >> jimmy: i know those are the quills i feel. believe me. [ laughter ] >> so their big defense, you can brush them this way. if he gets nervous or wants to be aggressive, these will come out and up and these sharp bits will be like that. they'll start to get into you. now, you see this bit starts to go a little bit?

[ laughter ] so you see the tail really well. they can also threaten you when they're saying like hey, i'm a porcupine and i've got big dangerous quills -- >> jimmy: now, what's my move going to be if it starts it -- >> i'm going to take it from you. >> jimmy: but what if i have to throw it? >> maybe i should take it now. i really appreciate you not throwing my porcupine. >> jimmy: yes. >> now, being a palawan porcupine, it comes from one small island. >> jimmy: by the way, if i saw that in my house, i would die of a heart attack. >> right? >> jimmy: immediately. >> well, they're not fast and they're not good at getting away from predators, they have to look scary. >> jimmy: but it looks like a rat. and yeah, it is a scary thing. yeah. definitely. >> you you definitely don't want to get a quill stuck in you. >> jimmy: how much hair product does it have in its hair right now? >> they often talk about porcupines and how they can throw their quills. they can't throw their quills. they ram them into you. they don't throw them into you. >> jimmy: all right. i guess that's good. [ laughter ] >> that's the important thing. >> jimmy: and this thing lives in your apartment with you, huh? >> no. not at all. we always talk about the animals

that i bring out here never make good pets. that's included. >> jimmy: oh, my god. i am not touching that. i swear to god. >> come on around here. he's too big for me. >> jimmy: that is -- does it eat porcupines? >> it could. absolutely it could. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> do you want to come around here? >> jimmy: no. i don't want to touch it. i don't want to be any -- i don't want any part of this. >> why don't you just feel the skin? >> jimmy: can i feel it away from the head? >> sure. over by my neck over here. people think they look slimy. >> jimmy: yeah, not slimy. >> not at all, right? >> jimmy: no. >> this is a burmese python. this is not the typical coloration you're used to. this coloration is albino. >> jimmy: that is really a beautiful color. that would make some wonderful upholstery or -- [ laughter ] look, he's looking at me. [ laughter ] >> i'll pull him away. you come back. you come back. otherwise i'll take him over there to you.

>> jimmy: don't come over to me. >> the one thing i'm starting to notice is he's constricting around the back of my neck here. typically, you'd want to put one arm like that. >> jimmy: because he wants to kill, right? he wants to kill you and eat you. >> he's just grabbing on because his back isn't being held. >> jimmy: he would kill you if he was angry, satellite. >> he could. what they do, they have lots and lots of very small muss sxlz they'll start to wrap around their prey and every time you exhale they'll squeeze and then you can't -- >> jimmy: don't you have to come up with a plan to disable the animal if he starts to kill you? >> my plan is that i'll usually watch him, make sure i know he's not getting aggressive. >> jimmy: and then what will you do if he is getting aggressive? why is he looking at me again? [ laughter ] why does he keep looking at me? >> with a snake this big, this snake is about 110 pounds and 14 feet long. so if he does start to wrap me up he'll either start at this end and you start slowly peeling it away from you. or you start at this end and you start to pull from down there. >> jimmy: i think it's better to start at the end where your neck is. >> right.

basically, the trick is to get him so -- you notice how when he started to squeeze me a bit i pulled my arm out. you don't want it to -- >> jimmy: look how far away i am from you. >> it's really, really -- [ laughter ] i felt with the bear i huh as an animal lover and then the porcupine -- >> jimmy: the bear is adorable. the snake is the least adorable thing i've ever seen. >> i'm going to try with more adorable now. >> jimmy: oh, do you have something adorable? bring something more adorable out and i will come back. oh, my god. i don't think -- no, no. the snake and the tiger cannot be together. >> okay. >> jimmy: why are the snake and the tiger together? all right. >> more adorable. let's try to take you back into coolness. >> jimmy: it also looks scary. adorable. why is he wanting to get at me? >> come closer. and do this right in her face. >> jimmy: no. >> it's a greeting. it makes i u. tell him -- >> jimmy: you're not screwing

around with me? >> no. seize? she's doing it to you. see how she's replying to you? that's called a chuck. you're telling it you're not going to hurt it and she's telling you back i'm not going to hurt you. now you guys are buddies. see how her ears are coming up? she trusts you a lot more. now i want you to hold her. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: let's talk about it first. i don't want to just take it. >> you can either hold it like a bear out like this. >> jimmy: that doesn't seem at all safe. >> you blow into her nose. if that's not comfortable then right over the shoulder where you support the bum in the back. >> jimmy: that seems better. >> okay, you ready? she's going to make some noise. there you go. [ cheers and applause ] an animal lover. >> jimmy: look how natural i am. >> now, while you hold her, i can talk about -- you can see what this -- this dig into your back is her dew claw. this dew claw is what she uses to grab on to things she's going to kill.

that's what she's holding on to you with. >> jimmy: oh, great. terrific. >> she's clearly going to be a little bigger before she does that. she's only about 25 pounds. >> jimmy: what she eat now? >> meat and chicken and milk. >> jimmy: but is the meat alive? >> no. all dead things. >> jimmy: she never likes to eat a live chicken -- >> no. but she has the predator instinct. so if you tried run from her she would chase you for sure. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. [ laughter ] good girl. >> jimmy: i don't think i'm running till my birth-day. >> the other thing i find to be striking about the tigers, the thing i thought i would impress with you is their coat. obviously it's very furry, nice and warm. this is a siberian tiger. they live up in the cold air -- >> jimmy: was this at the olympics? >> possibly. the stripes, what that does is in the shadows it helps them stalk through long grasses and it breaks up its silhouette so that prey species can't see. these little spots back here, they help you recognize what the animal's feeling. right now it's feeling fairly calm.

so the ears are forward. that's why i can see the white spots. if she was to rip them back like that and hide them from me, i knew she'd be very aggressive. >> jimmy: that's not good? >> can i grab her back from you? >> jimmy: absolutely. >> i've never done a full segment standing that way. good girl. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. who would win a fight, this tiger or the bear? >> at this size she's much heavier than the bear. >> jimmy: at the same age who would win in a fight? >> it's a tough question to answer because they're both pretty aggressive. i think the tiger is probably the number one land predator in the world. they live off things as small as rats or as big as buffalo. so as far as a predator goes they're pretty good. but bears can be 1,200 pounds sometimes. >> jimmy: bears are big. >> with them both being solitary neither one of them like to fight. so a tiger doesn't want to fight because if they don't get hurt then no one's there to hunt for them. so they typically aren't going to -- >> jimmy: that is a great-looking animal. >> you can see she's soothing herself. a little suckling there. that's basically her saying do you have any milk?

i'd like some milk. >> jimmy: you don't have any milk. >> just put your finger in there. >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] >> it is very soft. >> jimmy: i feel like half the time when you say -- [ growling ]. >> what you feel is they have a very raspy tongue. they always say the first lick is a kiss. the second -- the second one's a little bit rough. and then the third lick they'll make you bleed because their tongue is so raspy. >> jimmy: i think it's time for the tiger to go back to wherever. you know, let's take a break here because the tiger seems to be getting agitated. dave salmoni here. you can see him on the documentary series "north america" tomorrow

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to thank liam neeson. i want to thank josh groban. i want to thank you, dave. dave salmoni. dave has a documentary series called "north america" that premieres tomorrow night at 8:00 on animal planet. you i don't think we ever got the tiger's name. >> the tyinger's name is jade. >> jimmy: thank you, jade, for not killing any of us. all right. thanks for watching. apologies to matt damon. we did run out of time for him. "nightline" is next.

good night, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] tonight on "nightline" -- buy me love. they're rich, famous, and single. we go inside a dating service like no other that promises true romance for 150,000 a pop. he's got the money. so will she be his perfect match? plus, anatomy of an a-lister. looks, talent, and that extra something special. jennifer lawrence has it. fans eating her up in "the hungary games." >> thank you. >> matthew mcconaughey has it, up for an oscar for "dallas buyers club." tonight their surprising secrets for super success. and another kennedy trial. kerry kennedy