twitter, facebook and all your mobile devices. >> we appreciate your time. have a good night. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- toronto mayor rob ford and from "the muppets" the great gonzo with cleto and the cletones. and now, mark my words, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. [ cheers and applause ] my name is jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for -- i'll say this.

you picked a really good night to be here. tonight we get a visit from the mayor of the great city of toronto, rob ford is with us. [ cheers and applause ] i feel like -- in a way i feel like i've been waiting for this night my whole life. [ laughter ] i have a lot to talk to mayor ford -- i don't think i've had this many questions since the series finale of "lost." [ laughter ] here's how it's going to work. i'm not sure exactly when but at some point during the show i'll yell "hey, kool-aid," and he'll come smashing through the wall. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] our other guest tonight is the great gonzo from the muppets. [ cheers and applause ] gonzo is here promoting his new movie "muppets most wanted." nobody knows what gonzo is. he's like the spam of muppets. [ laughter ] he's mysterious that way. but what a night.

rob ford and gonzo. either this is really happening or someone sipped peyote into my preshow tea. guillermo, when mayor ford gets out here, you distract him. i'll take his passport, and that way he never leaves us. okay? >> deal. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i will say the mayor might not want to go home. it's almost 60 degrees colder in toronto than it is here today. there's another arctic blast, arctic blasting the east coast. parts of washington, d.c. and new jersey got seven inches of snow today. they say this could turn out to be the best year ever to have left your christmas lights up. [ laughter ] this is from the local fox affiliate in philadelphia. they spent reporter steve keely to woodstown, new jersey this morning to talk about how the weather is affecting a local peach farm. and as a result of that steve is tonight's recipient of our award for excellence in reporting. ♪ >> we're in woodstown, only one

filly born and raised in hillstown. that would be mildred hillcraft. known as hilly hillcraft. he only had one summer with the phillies. there goes a couple of plows demonstrating what i -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's perfectly preserved. don't worry. he mainly just happened on a sequel to "frozen." [ laughter ] it was "bachelor" tonight on abc. this is notable. the host of the bachelor chris harrison in a "new york times" magazine article that just came out, they asked him about the possibility of the show ever having a gay bachelor and chris said, look, if you've been making pizzas for 12 years, you've made millions of dollars and everyone loves your pizzas and someone comes and says hey, you should make hamburgers, why? i have a great business model. i don't know if hamburgers are going to sell. which is interesting because it makes you wonder, does chris harrison think we haven't had a gay bachelor? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i thought most of them were gay.

the reporter asked if there will ever be a fat bachelor. and chris said no, because it's not attractive and television is a visual medium. i disagree with that top in fact, i say we should make the next bachelor the fattest gayest bachelor we can possibly find. [ cheers and applause ] tonight on "the bachelor" they had one of those women tell all specials, which don't women always tell all? [ laughter ] they did tell all, though. in fact, they brought out last year's bachelor, sean lowe, and his new wife katherine. you know, on the rare occasion that this show results in a successful relationship, they want us to know about it. so they brought sean and katherine back. they're the ones who abstained from having sex before marriage. i even made them take a lie detector test to prove it and now they passed. which is kind of creepy now that i think back on it. [ laughter ] anyway, chris asked the newlyweds how things went on the wedding night, and unfortunately for sean, katherine told all. >> how was the wedding night? >> the wedding night was very romantic. rose petals and, you know, he's

my husband. we got to look at our rirngngs. >> fireworks. fireworks. >> yeah. quick fireworks. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks, honey. you know, you try to be a good guy. you wait. bam. [ laughter ] last night the academy awards were held right across the street from us here in hollywood. [ cheers and applause ] they started cleaning up -- they really started cleaning up the minute the show ended and they've been working all day. the giant statues are gone. they rolled up the red carpet. the sweet scent of jennifer lawrence and lupita nyong'o has been replaced by the powerful odor of incontinent batmen. [ laughter ] our neighborhood is almost back to abnormal. but this telecast last night was more than 3 1/2 hours long. they actually had to do a second in memoriam montage because quite a few actors passed away during the broadcast last night. [ laughter ] the oscars wasn't the only

awards show for movies this weekend here in l.a. our frent patton oswalt hosted the independent spirit awards on saturday night. this is a show that honors -- [ applause ] -- independent filmmaking. reese witherspoon presented the award for best first screenplay with matthew mcconaughey. and see in if you notice anything unusual about reese in this clip here. >> and the spirit award goes to -- mm-hmm. bob nelson. [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: either she ran back to her seat very quickly or there are two reese witherspoons. [ laughter ] what happens su get one after midnight -- matthew mcconaughey won best actor at the oscars. i want to show you something cute. this is video of a 5-year-old boy in the bathtub reciting jack

nicholson's famous courtroom scene from "a few good men." look at the job he does with this. >> you don't have to answer the question. >> i'll answer the question. you want answers? >> i think i'm entitled to them. >> you want answers? >> i want the truth. >> you can't handle the truth. we have walls and the walls have to be guarded by men with guns. who's going to do it? you? you, lieutenant weinberg? i have more responsibility than you can possibly fathom. you have the luxury of not knowing whether or not that -- you don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about it you want me on that wall. you need me on that wall. >> isn't that unbelievable?

[ cheers and applause ] i have no idea how he memorized that whole scene. but we thought it would be fun to ask him to do it again. we asked sruly to learn matthew mcconaughey's part in "will & grace" "the wolf of wall street." his mom and dad taught him it. and ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to sruli. [ applause ] go ahead, sruli. action. >> okay. number one rule of wall street. and i don't care if you're jimmy buffett or warren buffett. up, down, sideways or in circles. you know what it means? it's -- whoo.

it never landed. it's not on the elemental chart, it's not real. stay with me. we don't -- so the announcer's at 16 he's not happy. he wants to cash it. take his money and run home. you don't let him do that because -- you don't let him do that because that would make it real. what do you do? you get another brilliant idea. a special idea. another situation. another stock to reinvest his earnings and then some. and he will -- and he will. every single time. because they're addicted. and he'll keep doing this again and again and again. meanwhile, he thinks he's getting rich. which he is. on paper. but you and me, the brokers, we're taking home cold hard cash on commission.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nicely done. sruli, everybody. 5 years old. how do you -- that was great. how do you memorize all that stuff? [ laughter ] how do you -- >> my mommy and daddy taught it to me. >> jimmy: and sruli, do you always take baths with all your clothes on? >> no. >> jimmy: no. well, you're very, very smart, huh? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. are you one of the smartest people in the world? >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah. you probably are. do you want to be an actor one day? >> yes. >> jimmy: well, that's -- well, i think you're going to be great. maybe one day you'll win an academy award and some kid will do your speech from a movie. [ laughter ] are you peeing in the tub right now, sruli? >> yes. >> jimmy: all right. sruli, everybody. thank you very much. we need to take a break. we have a special presentation when we come back.

guillermo was on the oscars red carpet last night. he has interviews with all the the stars. and rob ford and gonzo are here. so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] abc's "jimmy kimmel live" is brought to you by at&t. rethink possible. [ girl ] serio? that's a lot of music. seriously. that's insane. and it's 15 bucks a month for the family. seriously? that's a lot of gold rope. seriously, that's a signature look. you don't have a signature look, honey. ♪ that's a signature look. [ male announcer ] only at&t brings you beats music. unlimited downloads for up to 5 accounts and 10 devices all for $14.99 a month. ♪ the warmest way to start the day. add it to your favorite breakfast sandwich for a chili pepper punch. ♪ breakfast made the way i say it's our boldest flavor yet.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody. welcome back. toronto mayor rob ford and gonzo from the muppets are backstage right now staring at each other. i don't know what they're doing back there. [ laughter ] you know, there's an unbelievable amount of red carpet coverage of the oscars every -- i didn't think it was possible to talk about little purses and shoes for seven hours. but once again, the e! network proved me wrong. hundreds of reporters from all over the world flocked to the red carpet last night. but one reporter rose above them all. and that reporter's name is

guillermo. here is guillermo and his trusty bottle of tequila on the red carpet at the 86th annual academy awards. ♪ >> hi. it's me guillermo. i'm here at the red carpet for the oscars. and we're going to talk to some celebrities. and maybe get them drunk. hi. how are you? how are you doing? >> good to see you. you look fantastic. >> you too. you look great. have you prepared your speech for tonight? >> oh, gosh, no. >> here. have one. for you. >> what's my speech tonight? okay. i like this. all right. i'd like to thank guillermo. if he were here, i would hug him and kiss his mustache. i can just do that anyway. >> that's nice. that's a nice speech. >> yeah, it's a really nice speech. >> you want a speech juice? >> a what? >> a speech juice? it's like magic juice. you're nervous.

>> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> all right. here. hold this. good luck tonight. >> you'd better not do too much speech juice with too many people. >> how are you feeling today? >> great. you? >> i love your jacket. >> have you seen "frozen"? >> no. >> you haven't seen "frozen"? >> no. >> it's about joan rivers' face. [ laughter ] >> cindy. cindy. one question. how are you? one question real quick. can you give me your best actor face? >> my best actor face? >> yes. [ laughter ] >> thank you very much. he did a great job. that was cindy potter. >> how about you? are you having fun? >> i'm having a great time. how long have you guys dated? >> all right, all right, all right. >> that's it. everyone's got a different version. i like that version. >> you're the best actress,

right? >> am i the best actress? >> yeah. you're better than meryl streep, huh? >> meryl streep. glenn close said she's abetter actress than you. fight, fight, fight. >> do you want magic water? >> do you have some? >> here. ♪ >> are you having some magic water with everybody you talk to? >> i hope so. >> it's going to be a very interesting show. >> two, three. >> opa. >> cheers. >> one, two, three. >> okay. >> wow. >> are you okay? it's magic. here. >> good. we'll get home early.

>> you're going to have a good time tonight. >> i think i'm getting buzzed already. it's crazy. >> what's your favorite movie this year? >> "12 years a slave." >> oh, yeah? >> yeah. >> can you help me how to say the name of the guy? >> chiwetel eliafor. >> chiwetel eliafor. >> what's next for chiwetel -- >> what's next? >> yeah. for chiwetel -- what's your last name? >> ejiofor. >> ejiofor? >> ejiofor, yeah. >> what's next for chiwetel echifo? >> yeah. various things i think. but we'll see. >> can i call you bob? >> no. >> your name is too hard. >> oh, i'm sorry. >> and he leo! leo! >> where's your tequila? >> you want one? >> of course. >> tell leo to come over here. >> so you're just using me to get leo over here? [ laughter ] >> leo! >> leo! >> hey, leo. >> hey, leo.

>> guess it doesn't work. >> sandra, what will you do if there is no tomorrow? >> take louis to a dentist appointment. >> wow. >> you have magic water. sure. >> you feel magic? >> you don't have a magic lime that goes with that, do you? >> what's next for chewy egiafor? >> i'm sorry. i don't know what you said. >> what's next for chiwetel ejiofor? >> i don't have the faintest idea. >> me either. >> okay. good luck. >> i have no idea. what's next for him. [ cheers and applause ] >> very well done, guillermo. how many shots did you have? >> like 17. >> jimmy: 17. all right. and what's the guy from "12 years a slave's" name again? >> chiwetel -- ijifor.

>> jimmy: not even close. all right. well, thank you for trying. guillermo, everybody. [ applause ] tonight on the show the great gonzo from the muppets is here. and we'll be right back with toronto mayor rob ford. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i've been claritin clear for 7 days. woohoo! at the first sign of my allergies, my doctor recommended taking

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: on march 21st you can see him and his friends in the movie "muppets most wanted." the great gonzo is with us. tomorrow night on the show jane lynch will be here as will omar epps. we'll have music from fitz and the tantrums and later this week ricky grefsh yais, bellamy young from "scandal," aaron young, music from congos and jetta. and next week one week from tonight we're taking our show on the road to austin, texas for the annual south by southwest festival. our guests that week will include seth rogen, rosario dawson, willie nelson, governor rick perry, and many more. you can get all the info about those shoes at kimmelinaustin.com. we have our own website for that. [ cheers and applause ] if you operate under the impression that local politics

are boring, you probably don't live in toronto. our first guest tonight has tripped, bumped, dances, argued, and smoked his way into our national consciousness. he's here tonight because i put him on my vision board and he appeared. please welcome mayor rob ford. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> doing amazing. how are you? >> jimmy: doing well. why are you dressed like a magician? [ laughter ] now, don't get me wrong. i am very, very happy that you're here. but why are you here? what good could come of this? have you ever seen this show? >> i had some crazy guy call me on my cell phone, this is jimmy kimmel, i want you to come on

the show. >> jimmy: i see that as your own fault because you give your phone number out to everybody. i got a hold of it. and imagine my shock when you actually answered the phone and said yeah, okay, i'll come out there. >> absolutely. customer service. >> jimmy: yeah. i'm not even a customer. it's unbelievable, and i'm getting service. >> everyone's a customer. you all pay taxes. >> jimmy: you give your phone number out to everyone. i picked you up at the airport, which i don't even pick my mother up at the airport. [ laughter ] and you give your phone number out to people. i imagine you've probably been doing that the whole time. yeah, you gave it to me already. is that a good idea? don't you get a lot of crank calls and not know what's happening? >> never. i give my number out because i'm -- usual the boss. and when you say jump i say how high. the taxpayers here want service. and i don't believe in going through all the bureaucrats. call rob ford. i guarantee i'll return your call. i'm going to go right to your front door to serve you. i've been doing it for 14 years. >> realistically, how high can you jump?

[ laughter ] >> trust me. you'd be surprised how fast i can move. >> jimmy: i have to say, people seem very angry that i was having you on the show tonight. people from toronto. on facebook, on twitter. "this is disgusting." "having our embarrassment of a mayor on your show is a slap to all torontonians." really disponted you're giving this abusive exploiter the time of day. i hope you remember that clown you're about to trot out is a very sick, very bad man. you know about rob ford's domestic abuse, drunk driving, racism, homophobia, and inability to tell the truth. is there any validity to any of these things? >> is that all i got? >> jimmy: no, you got a lot of them. [ laughter ] >> they don't talk about -- >> jimmy: you may have set a record. >> i guess they don't talk about all the money i've saved, how we straightened up the city. >> jimmy: they say you didn't save money. they say it's something you say. and i have no idea -- >> so that's i guess -- the city manager -- it's not me. it's the city manager comes out and says absolutely, you saved

$800 million in efficiencies and got rid of that terrible car tax. that's 240 million. so you do the math. that's over a billion dollars in savings. >> jimmy: are you homophobic? >> no, i'm not homophobic. are you? >> jimmy: do you think if you had more gay friends you would not wear that tie? [ laughter ] i have to say i wasn't -- your ties. we need to talk about your ties. i know you're not supposed to accept gifts as mayor, but i'm going to send you some ties. >> i can't accept them. >> jimmy: well, i'm going to send some unmarked ties to your office, and if they should wind up around your neck then so be it. but there are a lot of -- i mean, you have to apologize a lot, right? i mean, more than most people. >> i've had to a couple of times. but you know what? the apologies are over. i'm moving on. people are going to judge me on my proven track record. and that's why i'm down here, where i want people to come to toronto. see how good toronto is. we have the -- >> jimmy: toronto is a great city. >> it's amazing. when i walk on the streets on hollywood boulevard, people came up to me and very gracious.

i want to thank them for being so kind to me. >> jimmy: people were very excited to see you around here, weren't they? >> it was exciting. it was a lot of fun. i met a lot of interesting people. and toronto is booming right now. the tax increase has only been 1 1/2%. lower than any tax increase compared to any north american city our size. there's no more garbage strikes. there's no more ttc strikes. and we are saving money. and it is booming. we have 150 cranes in the sky. i'm a businessman, jimmy. i run it like a business. no nonsense. >> jimmy: no offense to our mayor. but i want to show you some things. our mayor's a guy named eric garcetti. and he's a great guy. he's an excellent mayor. this is eric garcetti meeting some supporters. picnic of some kind. there's you with your supporters. [ laughter ] [ applause ] there's eric garcetti holding someone's baby. there's rob ford holding somebody's baby. [ laughter ]

there's eric garcetti enjoying a baseball game. there's rob ford enjoying a sporting event. [ laughter ] eric having a shake at tommy's. you with a milk mustache. [ applause ] eric and his wife at a food bank serving at the l.a. mission. there's rob ford! do you understand what i'm saying? could you talk to him? because it's enough already. you are sweating a lot. let me get you some tissues here. >> no, we're good. >> jimmy: do you mind if i dab you, mr. mayor? >> it's all right. no problem. >> jimmy: auctioning this off on e bay afterwards. actually, i'm going to take the dna from this tissue, i'm going to cloin and we're going to have a whole army of you in l.a. last week you dared the police chief in toronto to arrest you. now, this is ar after you told me you were coming on the show. and i was like no, don't arrest him now. is that a good idea, to dare the police chief to arrest you? >> no, it's just they follow me

around for five months. and came up empty-handed. i just want him to come clean with the taxpayers, how much money has he spent? it's all politics. you know what it comes down to, jimmy? i support the police like no other. but when they're doing these -- playing these political games and are friends of my opponents and they're spending millions of dollars following me around and come up empty-handed, that bothers me. and i just want him to come clean and say i spent this much. but you know sfwha he donoknow ? he does what he does and i do what i do. >> jimmy: they've had this video for a while. have you seen it? >> i want the world to see this video. >> jimmy: me too. i really do. lfr liver really wa [ laughter ] i really do. why would you want them to see the video? >> you spent a million dollars following me around about a video and you don't show it? >> jimmy: you can figure out one way or the other whether there are going to be some charges related to that video. >> whether -- put the video out. so you know what? >> jimmy: look what happened to kim kardashian after her video came out.

[ laughter ] she did very, very well for herself. all right. we're going to take a quick break. mayor rob ford is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] >> portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by michael's arts and crafts. visit your local michaels for everything rainbow loom. so i got the new nokia lumia icon. it's got 1080p video, three times zoom, and a twenty-megapixel sensor. it's got the brightest display, so i can see what i'm shooting -- even outdoors, and 4 mics that capture incredible sound. plus, it has apps like vine -- and free cloud storage. my new lumia icon is so great, even our wipeouts look amazing. ♪ honestly, i want to see you be brave ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ whip up something fun with pinnacle vodka.

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back. the great gonzo is on the way. and mayor rob ford is with us right now. mayor ford, tell us about your exercise routine. does it actually exist? what's going on? >> if you saw me a few months ago, i'm down a few pounds. i work out two hours a day. >> jimmy: how many pounds are you down now? >> about 40 pounds.

[ applause ] >> jimmy: i want to bring out a scandalous -- and i hate to do this to you. but last night you -- given you were with some of your friends and your brothers and stuff. but this is from your dressing room last night. you'll notice the dessert plate has been devoured. the vegetables remain untouched. are you eating right? >> i'm eating. all the carbs are out. >> i can see they're out. i cleaned out all the -- >> jimmy: randy and doug, oh, boy, they're going to have to go on the exercise regimen with you. i want to show you a video because this is the moment when i, i think, became obsessed with you. >> [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: that was it. [ applause ] have you watched that video? >> have i watched? i felt it. you know, the media up in toronto is a lot different than up here. >> jimmy: is it different? >> they camp out in front of my office. and every day you've got to go through that.

and it's -- >> jimmy: they have a lot of questions for you. well, you've thrown them a lot of curveballs. maybe i could help you with that. let's wander over here, and i want to go to the video screen here, if you wouldn't mind. this is -- stand right there. i want to go through some of these videos. if you don't mind, mayor ford, stand right there. you can take us through these things because i hope maybe we can answer some questions here. all right. let's roll the first one. >> you guys are -- >> jimmy: okay. >> [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: now, somebody -- >> [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: -- who was clearly not your friend videotaped you without your knowledge here. who were you talking about in that video? you don't know. >> exactly. >> jimmy: you have no idea. you have that many enemies you that don't know which one this was? all right. let's go to the next video. this is the famous state queen video. you're doing a jamaican accent

here. >> patois. >> jimmy: it's called patois. do you do other accents or is that the only one? now, you were -- in this video what was going on? >> just went out with a friend. a few friends of mine. private setting and private friends, and there's no secret, i have a lot of jamaican friends. and that's how we speak in a private setting. if someone wants to tape me they can tape me. >> jimmy: have you been to jamaica? >> no. >> jimmy: i would love to take you there for spring break sometime. [ laughter ] mont yooeg obey. next video. this is the famed football video on -- why is he running at you? is he tackling you? because this video ends right here. >> i'm not quite sure what he's doing. >> jimmy: okay. i would like to see you be a part of the nfl combine, i have to say. next video, we have your brother, doug. see? >> you've got your own issues. >> jimmy: and then there's you. >> counselor ford, please direct the question to the chair, to the step.

>> jimmy: and -- [ laughter ] now, is this -- first of all, i want you on my team in charades. [ laughter ] but were you classically trained in pantomime, or was that off the top? >> you know, these counselors come across like they're holier than thou, and a lot of them have more angles than a dog's hind legs. these people, they're just talking about drinking and all that. and the person i was referring to was just pulled over the other night for drinking and driving. >> jimmy: i see. >> i'm not going to name names, but -- >> jimmy: i got you. all right. next video. >> the mayor -- >> jimmy: now, there -- [ laughter ] that lady, you apologized to her afterwards. is it -- what, once you get up to a certain speed there's no stopping? [ laughter ] [ applause ] you get very excited. what else do we have here? this -- now, this is my favorite. i have to say, this is my favorite of all the videos. this is a christmas parade, and this is you passing out candy

canes. and literally dumping them on the children as if you were feeding birds. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> what's wrong with that? that's what i do. >> jimmy: just give them a couple each next time. you know? and one more i believe we have. now, this is great because after all that's gone on in the city hall you are still enjoying yourself enough to just dance reggae style. again, another reason for our trip to jamaica together. [ laughter ] and there's the guy. and you really get into it. and everybody's happy. this seems so very canadian to me. >> actually, no. that's our trip to austin, texas. in austin, texas they always have a break. and they have a band come in and play. >> jimmy: you were in austin there? >> no. that's where we got it from.

>> jimmy: oh, i see. >> we said let's have a band come in and play. and they were playing bob marley. and like i said, i like bob marley. so council got up and danced, and we had a good time. that was great. it broke the tension. everyone enjoyed it. [ applause ] >> jimmy: we're through with this portion of the -- mayor ford is here with us. i have a couple more things to ask you. toronto mayor rob ford is with us. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] >> portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by michaels arts and crafts. visit your local michaels for everything rainbow loom.

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: we're back with toronto mayor rob ford. and the great gonzo is on the way, too. so you're running for mayor right now, for re-election. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: the elections in october. >> october 27th. and people can go to robfordformayor.ca, support me. or go to my youtube station, ford nation. and we're in full fight. >> jimmy: i would like to be on the ford nation show. can i be your first guest on the show? >> well, we've had three episodes. but you can come on next week. no problem. >> jimmy: very good. as mayor you've been stripped of a lot of your power.

how does it work if you get re-elected? can they do that again? >> in october i get all my powers back and get mu councilors in there, and we're going to get a new group. some will get re-elected and some won't. so we're going to have a turnover. and you know, i've been responsible with taxpayers' money for 14 years as a councilor and a mayor. i've saved a billion dollars. and it's customer service and accountability, and i've got a proven track record of success. you know, when people said you can't get a union deal i got it. when they said you can't build a subway, we're building subways. we're doing everything that i said we were going to do. so 90% of what i said i was going to do is done. so i just can't wait till the election and the debates. >> jimmy: you love being mayor, don't you? >> absolutely. i love toronto. toronto's a fantastic place, and -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: i don't really know you that well. but i do want to say as a human being you seem like a very nice guy to me. and i just -- if you are an alcoholic, which you know -- listen, if you're drinking enough that you can try crack in

your 40s and you don't remember it, maybe that's something that you might want to think about like talking to somebody. >> i wasn't elected to be perfect, jimmy. i was elected to clean up the mess that i inherited. and that's exactly what i've done. maybe you -- >> jimmy: no, i'm not perfect. but i can see your brother is a guy that really loves you. i can see your family really loves you. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: and just something to think about. in case -- it's nothing to be ashamed of. and i think it's a good example for other people who might be in a similar situation. >> well, anyways, we're -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: no commitment. that's just how i feel about it. >> talk is cheap. action speaks quloird than wolo. we'll let the people decide on october 27th. i'm a normal average hard-working politician that's real. and i guarantee you call me, i will go to your front door -- >> jimmy: you are not the average politician, my friend. [ laughter ] >> i'm an average hard-working family man -- >> jimmy: you are the most wonderful mayor i've ever witnessed in my many years -- >> appreciate it.

[ applause ] >> jimmy: mayor rob ford, everybody. we'll be right back with the great gonzo. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

i'm jimmy kimmel. this is guillermo. we're coming to austin for a whole week and people are already lined up. >> actually, we're in line for franklin barbecue. >> still lined up. >> starting monday march 10th kimmel packs his bags for supersized comedy in austin, texas. seth rogen, rosario dawson, governor rick perry, willie nelson and much more. >> can i come? >> of course you can come, guillermo. guillermo's coming. >> "jimmy kimmel live's" live's big week because egg's bigger in texas. starting monday, march 10th on abc. ♪ >> jimmy: our next guest has held many, many, many jobs. he's been a plumber. he's been a daredevil. he's a chicken whisperer. on march 21st he returns to the big screen alongside kermit, fozzy, miss piggy, and ricky gervais in "muppets most wanted." please welcome the great gonzo. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy! hey, guillermo!

whoa, what a crowd. all right, jimmy. how are you doing? how are you doing? >> jimmy: hello there, gonzo. thank you for coming. it's great to have you here. you know, many of your fellow muppets have been here on the show. >> yeah. i know. it's just incredible to finally be here. >> jimmy: i'm really glad that -- is something wrong? what do you mean? >> it's been over 2,000 episodes. you know. and i'm just kind of like -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, i am glad things worked out for tonight because you're my favorite. >> thank you. i was waiting for the call, you know. [ laughter ] sitting at home in my cold water flat, watching every episode. you know, i thought for sure when you did the handsome men's club, you know, the phone would ring. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> nothing. >> jimmy: yeah, i'm sorry about that. i'm really sorry. technically, are you a man? because like we know like kermit is a frog and miss piggy's a pig

and animal is an animal, i guess. but you are the great gonzo. what are you exactly? >> well, you know, 4,600 years ago i started out as a sponge and i've soft of evolved, you know. i may be able to -- i may be able to keep evolving. who knows? maybe i'll be able to grow another arm or something. >> jimmy: that would be wonderful. you know, you look a little bit like a bird. i know that you like chickens. you're a chickenphile. >> why do i feel like rob ford right now? [ laughter ] [ applause ] i mean, there's no pejorative tone there, is there? >> jimmy: i think you're sitting in a puddle right now. [ laughter ] >> oh, my god. yes. >> jimmy: where do you take a chicken on a date? >> well, you've got to treat them right. you know? and that's not that hard. chicken feed isn't that expensive. [ laughter ] you know. you treat them right.

you don't want to -- you don't want to date them when they're moulting. >> jimmy: okay. that's a good tip. >> why? are you thinking of dating? >> jimmy: no. not a chicken. no, in fact, i probably shouldn't date seeing as i'm married. but yeah. >> oh, yeah, yeah. if you're married, you shouldn't fool around with poultry. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you've had an interesting career path. you started out as a plumber. >> mm-hmm. well, i like to say a plumbing artiste. >> jimmy: oh, plumbing artiste. >> the problem with plumbing is the whole thing is this beautiful work of art, all these connections and pipes, and they're all concealed by sheet rock. you know. i think when i work i bring the plumbing out into the room. >> jimmy: that's great. >> and i use clear pipes because i feel we should say what's in the pipes. >> jimmy: you do? >> i mean, that's what it's for, right? >> jimmy: that seems like a very bad idea. and then you made the transformation into a daredevil. i'm trying to remember some of the things. like i remember you would hum

"flight of the bumblebee" and you were eating a tire at the same time. right? >> that was a long, long time ago. >> jimmy: yeah. >> when you've been shot out of a cannon as many times as i have and your head hits the wall at 200 miles an hour, you pretty much can't remember anything. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you do stunts in the new movie, in "muppets most wanted"? >> well, i have a great one. i guess i can give this away. we do the indoor running of the balls in the movie withsale ma salma hayek. and unfortunately, it's indoors. that's what's hard about it. that's what makes it special. anybody can run bulls outdoors. but i tested it in my house. i had to move. once you get bulls in your house, you just can't get them out. >> jimmy: is that true? you become infested with bulls? >> yeah. i had to sell that place. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you seem like you would be a fun guy to hang out with. with these kinds of ideas. >> jimmy, i'm so glad you said

that because i've just -- for some reason i just like you. >> jimmy: oh, really? thank you. >> i'm sitting at home watching television, you know, because i'm not here. and really, i'm just like what a nice guy he seems like. he must be so good. i mean, i hear you have like gatherings at your house for friends. is that right? >> jimmy: i do have gatherings, yes. >> i'm in town for a few days. >> jimmy: i would love that. we'll make chicken. we'll enjoy it. >> i love chicken. what do you mean make chicken? [ laughter ] my girlfriend is a chicken. >> jimmy: how do you like working with miss piggy? >> well, miss piggy, she is just utterly terrible. self-centered. demanding. and i can speak with brutal honesty. i can be very blunt because i like blunt force trauma. you know, i say something bad about her and she gives me a karate chop. it's a win-win situation. >> jimmy: you said i'm very nice. you're even nicer i think

because you did something very kind. you actually worked on a special hat we're auctioning on e bay. we have a loom suit that we made in honor of a young man named max. right now -- ooh, the bidding is up to $40,000 on the max love project. you mind if i put this on you, gonzo? >> put it on me. a little farther forward there. you're going to choke me. >> jimmy: sorry. i didn't mean to choke you. how's that? >> that's good. >> jimmy: wow. that's a great-looking thing. and you're going to donate this -- [ cheers and applause ] so whoever bids and wins the loom suit will also get a loom hat made by gonzo. >> yes. i spent the whole weekend on this. i cleaned out the crafts store. >> jimmy: it really looks great. it's like a little work of art. it's very special. i know max will appreciate it. >> and you can dress it up and dress it down. >> jimmy: well, thank you so much, gonzo.

gonzo the great, everyone. "muppets most wanted" opens in theaters march 21st. go to e bay.com/suitofloom to bid on my suit and gonzo's hat. i want to thank toronto mayor rob ford, thank gonzo, thank sruli and apologize to matt damon. we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. good night. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪

tonight on "nightline" -- the blade runner on trial. chaos outside the court as olympian oscar pistorius is finally tried for the shooting death of his model girlfriend. >> how do you plead? >> not guilty, my lady. >> he says it was an accident, mistaken identity. but the first witness says she heard screaming before the gunshots. plus, bachelor betting. >> where is juan pablo? >> there's fierce competition for tv's most eligible bachelor. but it's not just on the show. >> nikki. >> fans now creating brackets and place bets on contestants. >> unbelievable. >> apparently, juan