woman: ...gathered at the dolby theater in los angeles. [ speaks indistinctly ] yeah. [ bed whirring ] wow. great oscar show, ellen. that was just great. really. thanks...jimmy. aren't you supposed to be somewhere now? you know what? there is nowhere i would rather be than right here, at home, with my gals. you're not home. yeah, this is our home. i'm in a home, and that's what really matters, so... don't you usually do a show after the oscars? no. i do a show after the academy awards every year. [ laughter ] let him figure this out. that's the same thing, isn't it?

mm-hmm. great. [ sighs ] that's mine. hmm? that's mine. [ grunts ] whose fondue is in bed? hi, fondue. seriously, man. we've got to change the locks. barrett: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live: after the oscars!" tonight, kevin spacey, tom hanks, meryl streep, martin scorsese, christoph waltz, ben kingsley, seth rogen, samuel l. jackson, gary oldman, catherine zeta-jones, andy garcia, joseph gordon-levitt, chris hemsworth, liam hemsworth, barkhad abdi, morgan freeman, and others with cleto and the cletones. it's lights, camera, action.

here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] [ band playing up-tempo music ] wow. thank you very much. i'm jimmy kimmel. i am the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for putting on your oscars sunday best for our ninth-annual "after the oscars" special. the 86th annual academy awards just wrapped up right across the street from us here in hollywood. it was a night of suspenders and fast benders, of sequence and seacrests, of cumberbatches and cummerbunds. it's funny. ellen degeneres was an excellent host. she kept it loose. she brought pizza. congratulations to matthew mcconaughey, who won better actor for "dallas buyers club." [ cheers and applause ] it's really incredible performance as a human slim jim.

i'd have to say the best thing about matthew mcconaughey winning best actor is it means he gets to have the movie "failure to launch" removed from his permanent record. jared leto won best supporting actor for his role in... [ cheers and applause ] ...the same movie, for transforming from man into transgender woman. and yet, the academy never honors the autobots or decepticons for transforming themselves from robots into cars. racism? i'll let you be the judge. barkhad abdi was also nominated for best supporting actor. it's a funny thing. on the red carpet, almost every reporter pointed out the fact that a couple years ago he was a limo driver, and tonight he got to ride in a limo, which is a little bit condescending. i mean, most actors start out with regular jobs. you never hear anyone say, "harrison ford used to be a carpenter, but now he lives in a house." "12 years of slave" won best motion picture tonight.

that was a tough one for... [ cheers and applause ] ...because of the subject matter for people to cover in these pre-show, hype ceremonies. "good day new york" did one of those things where they visit a caterer, who gives suggestions for things to serve at your oscar party. and this is why not every movie needs represented as one of the courses in an oscar night meal. kelly: let's go over here. okay. blackberry cobbler, now this is a little bit more like it. all right. this is "12 years a slave." in the movie, they actually wrote with blackberry juice because they didn't have ink. so, take the blackberry, turn it into a cobbler, or you can easily just put them in these stemless martini glasses and do blackberries and cream. woman: this is awesome. all right. slightly mixed feelings about this dessert, but i think it's fun. [ laughter ] not since schindler's bisque have i been so offended by a movie-themed food. there... [ applause ] it turned out there weren't many surprises tonight. most of the favorites to win won, which means the oscar pools came down

to categories like sound editing. and if you did correctly pick the winner in sound editing, congratulations. maybe you can use the winnings to go buy some friends, nerd. as i mentioned, tonight was the 86th academy awards. the first oscar ceremony took place in 1929. back then, there were only 250 people invited. tickets cost $5. and there was no oscar statuette then. the winner got a polio shot. and now it's a worldwide television event. it's broadcast live from the dolby theater, which is right across the street in a place called hollywood and highland, which sounds impressive, but those of us here in hollywood know... that it's the mall. it's not -- on tv, it looks like a big, fancy place, but the fact of the matter is, it has a sunglass hut in it. this is the only neighborhood in america where you can see jennifer lawrence being asked who she is wearing in the same exact spot where a homeless wolverine stole a pizza from a tourist the day before. but that doesn't mean this isn't a big night. it is.

and we've been working on something big to celebrate it. there were a bunch of movies nominated for oscars tonight that were adapted from books. "the wolf of wall street" was adapted from a book, "captain phillips," "12 years a slave." but times are changing, and now that oprah's book club has gone to cable, we don't have to read any more. there is no one telling us we have to. so tonight our plan is to usher the movie business into the 21st century. we enlisted the help of some of the greatest talents in the world of film to adapt not best-selling books, not plays or musicals -- tonight we transform popular youtube videos into big-budget hollywood movies. and here now to introduce our first adapted but totally original film of the evening, please welcome academy-award-winning director martin scorsese. [ cheers and applause ] hunger, incarceration, and revenge threaten a family in a visceral, action-packed thriller

that challenges family loyalty and calls into question the human need for vengeance. man: [ british accent ] he was my brother. and we were inseparable. cain, abel. his teeth were like razors. [ british accent ] son... it's time you let it go. it's been 30 years. i will find him. and i will destroy him. he is coming for you. [ british accent ] then let him come. [ sighs ] as you wish, my son.

he is your brother. was my brother. no! doesn't have to be like this. i trusted you! i was only a child. you were an animal! look at my hand. [ helicopter blades whirring ] you stay back. or god have mercy on what i might do to you. mercy? ha ha. you hear that, god? he wants mercy. after what he did. charlie bit me! charlie bit my finger! [ both scream ] [ cheers and applause ] children: charlie! oh, charlie, that really hurt.

[ chuckles ] [ cheers and applause ] we're going to take a quick break, but we have more youtube movies to come -- three more in fact. should i give them a hint of what's gonna -- no. i will not give you a hint. but i will promise a cavalcade of major stars including kevin spacey live and a special oscar night edition of "lie witness news" on hollywood's biggest and fattest night, so do not go away. [ cheers and applause ] [ band playing up-tempo music ] by taking our work home with us. the authority in computers? [ band playing up-tempo music ] and today we're beta testing our new exclusive collection of 2-in-1s, which have the full power of a pc and the fun of a tablet, thanks to intel's powerful processors inside. we typed. we swiped. we multi-tasked. and we finished a mission. manager: we can't wait to show you our wide selection of 2-in-1s available only at best buy.

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[ band playing up-tempo music ] [ cheers and applause ] hello, and welcome back to our "9th annual after the oscars special." kevin spacey is here, all dressed up. we have many stars waiting in the wings to delight you tonight. but this is interesting -- reuters did a poll this week asking people about the oscars, and they found that 2/3 of americans didn't see any of the best-picture nominees this year. but we see "a madea christmas." 67% of those polled said they hadn't seen any of the nominated films. and 60% were unsure of which films should win best picture. i want to repeat that because 67% hadn't seen any of them,

but only 60% were unsure which movie should win. that means a quarter of the people who haven't seen any of the movies are sure of which one should win. so we decided to have a little bit of fun with that. we went out onto hollywood boulevard before it was crawling with celebrities to ask pedestrians to give us their thoughts on some of the films nominated this year. the only catch was, we made the movies and moments up for a very special oscar night edition of "lie witness news." woman: what do you think of judi dench's performance in "please let go, please let go, that's my donkey"? you know, i think she did well. she did well. i think she had a family member that went through that or something like that. woman: what did you think of julia roberts in "the nicest prostitute?" um...that was -- that was, like, very out of her character. i mean, she pulled through with it. and she did a good job, also, on it. woman: cate blanchett's getting raves for her role

in "a fish called deshanda." how did you think her performance was? i thought it was good. i thought she did a really good job. yeah, i think she should get the oscar. "12 years a slave," was it fine that it was an all-white cast or...? no. i think they should have put some black people in there. yeah, yeah. i saw that on the plane on the way over, actually. and i enjoyed that one, yeah. and you think they should have put some african-americans in there? yeah, i think so. yeah. jonah hill, was he convincing as a wolf? yeah, yeah. he was convincing as a wolf. were you scared a little when you saw it or...? actually, this is, like, crazy -- i am terrified from wolves. that's my worstest fear. even though they don't exist, but that's my worstest fear. yeah. they're fictional char-- they're fictional. yeah, that's my worstest fear. i'm being honest with you. did matt damon give an oscar-worthy performance in "croque monsieur: i made love to my sandwich"? no, no. i find more comedy in it than anything, i guess, even if it's maybe not supposed to be funny. but, i mean, making love to a sandwich is a little -- a little different than the norm. what did you think of the tarantino film,

"gratuitous violence for my own amusement"? great. great? what did you like about it? the details. and -- and -- and the main structure of the picture. and it had the great story, the great details in the background. and the great story. you know what i'm saying? i really followed it all the way through. yeah, it was very real for a fake movie. right. right. what did you think of the dance number in "12 years a slave"? uh, i-i thought it was pretty good. i think it was at the end, right? it was like a celebration or something? yeah, it was toward the end. it was real good. yeah, when he said, "let's dance it out." "let's dance." and they go all singing or something like that. they all said like, ♪ let's dance, let's dance yeah. "let's dance." both ♪ let's dance, let's dance ♪ ♪ let's all do the dance, we're free ♪ i think they said, "let's all do the dance." i think it was -- it was like six of them. i think they were all together. [ cheers and applause ] "let's all do the dance. we're free." how did that not beat "let it go" for best song?

one of the movies a lot of people did see this year was "frozen." "frozen" won best animated feature tonight. "frozen," of course, is the true story of every actor in hollywood's forehead. something called "mr. 'you blow'" won best animated short, which, that has to be a joke, right? that's not -- that's like a name you would call into an airport or something, you know? paging mr. "you blow." and, by the way, they need to move that category off the tv broadcast. the two french guys who won went on and on. i say if your category has the word "short" in it, your speech should not be allowed to go longer than 15 seconds. it's just -- "the wolf of wall street" did not have a great night tonight. it's a good movie, though. if you haven't seen it yet, it's still in theaters. it's a true story about a group of crooked stockbrokers, who are so over the top, it's almost cartoonish. in fact, the only way that story could have been more cartoonish is if it was an actual cartoon. so what we did is we took the audio from "the wolf of wall street" and we combined it with the video from another oscar-nominated film, this one in the animated category.

the results are thus. i got to say i'm incredibly excited to be a part of your firm. the clients you have are absolutely -- [ bleep ] the clients. name of the game? move the money from your clients' pocket into your pocket. right. key to success. and the racket is cocaine. it will keep you sharp between the ears. mr. hanna, you are able to do drugs during the day and still function, still do your job? well, how the [ bleep ] else would you do this job? cocaine and hookers, my friend. [ both giggling ] cocaine is the reason minions don't have noses any more. okay, it is now -- it's time to present our second youtube video spun into hollywood gold. and here to introduce it, one of the greatest and most beloved actors of all time, mr. morgan freeman. [ cheers and applause ]

sometimes, the art known as cinema imprints us with unforgettable lines. "frankly, my dear, i don't give a damn." "you can't handle the truth!" "here's looking at you, kid." well, this film takes us along on one woman's extraordinary journey with a classic line moviegoers will never forget. narrator: she was an ordinary woman, who would unintentionally... change history. academy-award nominee queen latifah. hey, kid, is your name barack obama? academy-award nominee barkhad abdi. it is. boy, you should run for president one day. president? why? well, that's a dumb question. [ as sweet brown ] ain't nobody got time for that. now give me a cold pop. could i have my ball back now?

lord jesus, no. wha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-t?! based on the true story, that inspired real local news. where's a lady supposed to find a cold pop in this neighborhood? with adam driver as steve jobs. excuse me. what if there's a program on your phone that could help you locate cold pops and other essential items? well, sounds good. ain't nobody got time not to have apps on their phone. i'm sorry. what's an app? lord jesus, what do i know? figure it out yourself, captain turtleneck. wha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-t?! sweet brown: ♪ ain't nobody got time for that ♪ ask what you can do for your country. ♪ ain't nobody got time for that ♪ ain't nobody got time for that. tear down this wall. ♪ ain't nobody got time ♪ ain't nobody got time for that ♪ ain't nobody got time for that. ♪ ain't nobody got time armstrong: that's one small step for man. ♪ ain't nobody got time for that ♪ ain't nobody got time for this.

♪ ain't nobody got time, ain't nobody got time ♪ ♪ ain't nobody got time for that ♪ walk signal? ain't nobody got time for that. narrator: "sweet brown, ain't nobody got time for that..." lord jesus, this hurts. take me to get a cold pop. ...with matt damon in his most important deleted scene yet. my favorite part was getting to know everybody over in okla-- shut the hell up with all that yakkin' ain't nobody got time for that. [ laughs ] ♪ ain't nobody got time for that ♪ [ cheers applause ] i hope she washes her hands. i mean, really. all right. we have no choice. we have to take a break so i can plump up my lips. but when we come back, the great kevin spacey will be here. we have two more youtube movies featuring catherine zeta-jones, joseph gordon-levitt, samuel l. jackson, christoph waltz, gary oldman, seth rogen, and even a couple surprises, too. this is our "9th annual after the oscars special." stick around. it'll be worth it. i promise. [ cheers and applause ] [ band playing up-tempo music ]

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can be big. ikea has it all. [ band playing up-tempo music ] [ cheers and applause ] hi. welcome back. i'm jimmy kimmel. we are live. and it's after the oscars, which is why it's called our "after the oscars special." and we will be back at it tomorrow night and all next week. my guests will be ricky gervais, aaron paul, jane lynch, omar epps, bellamy young from "scandal." we'll have music from fitz and the tantrums, kongos, and jetta. and tomorrow night, monday night, i can honestly say that i've never been more excited about a guest than i am for this one. our guest tomorrow night will be toronto mayor rob ford. [ applause ] that is right. [ cheers and applause ] honorable major of toronto. oh, wait a minute. i think you're -- you're on the show tomorrow night. oh, sorry, jimmy. it's okay. it's cool. sorry about that. but i'll see you tomorrow, right? see you tomorrow, folks! [ cheers and applause ] kimmel: very anxious. [ laughs ]

and let that be a lesson, kids. god does answer your prayers, if you pray hard enough. tomorrow night, mayor ford and gonzo from "the muppets" will be here together, so [chuckles] that will be fun. our guest tonight is a gifted and distinguished actor who is two for two at the academy awards and has an inside track with the emmys, too. the entire second season of his excellent show "house of cards" is available now on netflix. please say hello to kevin spacey. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. it's great to have you here. i-i-i just have to say that's the first time i've had to follow a ford and one that was so banged up.

[ laughter ] thank you for sharing a dressing room with the mayor tonight. we appreciate it. well, he threw up all over it. but those are the chances you take. how are you? you just were -- you were over at the oscars. you came right over here. i'm very well. i-i had a very good time. i think ellen did a terrific job. i think so, too. i think she did. it seemed like a loose kind of fun environment. it was. she ordered pizza. i got a piece of pizza. it was awesome. yeah, you even -- you participated in the photo bombing there. i did. it was pretty cool. actually, it was a selfie. it was supposed to be -- it was a selfie, and from what i understand, it broke twitter. it did. twitter was disabled temporarily because of this selfie. apparently, it was the most re-tweeted selfie in the history of twitter. a million people re-tweeted it in an hour. [ applause ] that's right. it would be -- and i think we might be more excited about that world record had it not be held by a kardashian. [ laughs ] do we have that selfie? do we have the photograph?

i have it right here if we don't. this is what -- this is what you guys -- that's the photo you took. oh, look. there i am. you kind of popped in there in the background. i kind of -- i kind of photo bombed. [ laughter ] i think we should take one. i think we should do our own selfie, and see -- see if we can't may be top it. we can beat it. [ cheers and applause ] all right. should i -- face me. [ cheers and applause ] all right. tweet that. we're gonna -- we're gonna -- we're gonna tweet -- we'll tweet that. yeah, tweet that, and see what happens. [ cheers and applause ] [ chuckling ] you won the oscar two times. what do you remember most? what's in your head from those wins? you know, it -- it goes by so quickly. part of it is in slow motion, and then, when you hear your name called -- and i remember going up on stage, and -- and -- and literally thinking,

like, i wasn't talking english, like the words that were coming out of my mouth would make no sense. and later on -- like john travolta tonight. did you see that? no. he tried to introduce idina menzel. and what did he say? and he said [speaks gibberish] i think -- well, imagine what he would be like if he won an oscar. yeah, right. [ laughs ] [ laughter ] we have to make sure that never happens. never should happen. [ laughs ] yeah, no, i got up on stage. and, in fact, when i watched it later -- 'cause at the hotel, they were showing all the clips, so i actually got to see what i said. and i was right -- i made absolutely no sense whatsoever. but when i won for "american beauty," i remember i -- no, actually, it was for "usual suspects." i got up -- and thank goodness, what they do is they had the previous winner of the previous year, the actress -- so in my category, i was best supporting actor for "usual suspects," dianne wiest. she's a wonderful actress. "bullets over broadway." she was great. she was wonde-- and so she knew what i was going through. and i sort of talked --

[ speaks gibberish] thanked whoever i thanked. and then i got off stage. and i literally remember the room was spinning. and she said, "get him a chair. sit him down. "get some water. breathe. just breathe. breathe. breathe." i remember sitting down, and, oddly, here's the funny thing. you said "john travolta." because i remember the room was going like this. and i remember i finally sat down. and all i saw was john travolta, who was about to go out and probably mumble... [ laughter ] ...that year as well. and she was so great, to have got me calmed down before they sent me to the press room. oh, that is very sweet of her. and then the second time, with "american beauty," i remember that i-i-i had thanked jack lemon, in my acceptance speech, because sam mendes and i, in some degree, based the character of lester burnham or sort of an arch of that character on jack's extraordinary performance in "the apartment," one of the great films of all time. so, i called jack. now, jack had won an academy award in 1955

for "mister roberts." then won again in 1973 for "save the tiger." and so i called jack after i dedicated my oscar to him. and he said, [ as jack lemmon ] you're a son of a bitch. [ laughter ] [ normal voice ] i said, "why?" he said, [as jack lemmon] "i won my first oscar in 1955. "it took me 18 years to win the second one. you did it in four years. you son of a bitch." [ laughter, applause ] that's a great impersonation. did you ever do that -- for him -- that impersonation? [ normal voice ] well, actually, i did. and then, on "saturday night live," we did this never-before-seen screen tests from "star wars." oh, yeah! and so i auditioned as chewbacca as jack lemmon. [ as jack lemmon ] can someone tell me where the hell one of walkie things is, these wookiees? did you ever think about -- is hosting the oscars something you would agree to do, if they asked you to do it? oh, that would be great fun. you would like to do it? yeah, i think it'd be great fun. i'd love it. sure. because your jack lemmon is similar to your johnny carson, i think. well, he was one of the great hosts of all time. of course. yes. sure. without question. you want to see a little johnny? yeah, do a little johnny for us.

[ cheers and applause ] [ as johnny carson ] okay. look [clears throat] i was excited we just had the oscars, as you know... [ laughter ] ...live on abc. and the big picture tonight was -- i didn't see it, it's called "12 years a slave." i assume it was about my first marriage. [ cheers and applause ] [ rim shot ] and, of course, another picture, "gravity" did very well tonight. and for those of you who have not seen the picture, it's about sandra bullock and george clooney star as two astronauts who are sucked into a black hole where nobody can hear you. in hollywood, we call that caa. [ rim shot ] [ applause ] [ rim shot ] i feel like i'm having a visitation. [ cheers and applause ] do you ever -- i know you love johnny carson. did you ever do the carson show?

i did. i had the chance to do johnny before he retired, because i had done a tv movie of the week for nbc about jim and tammy bakker. remember the religious couple? sure. yeah. so, i played jim bakker, and he had a big field day with them over the years. so he wanted me on the show. and he was going to let me do my impression. because he apparently didn't like people doing impressions of him. but he had seen a tape of me doing it -- 'cause i was quite young. and i used to do it in standup. and but it turned out i was the last guest. and so i ended up having about a minute and a half on the show with a film clip. and we never got to the point where he was gonna let me do the impression. oh. but, actually, it was kind of worth it because in the commercial break, after we went to commercial, he leaned over and said, [ as johnny carson ] listen, i'm really sorry we didn't get to the bit. i was looking forward to seeing it, but i couldn't get the old woman to shut up. [ laughter ] and robert klein decides to be funny for the first time in six years. who knew? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that's heartbreaking... for robert klein mostly, but... [ normal voice ] mostly for robert klein. did you ever do his show? i was on the carson show

one time when i was a teenage magician. oh, you're kidding. yeah, yeah, yeah. oh, wow. have you ever seen it? no. no. we were unable to get the tape of that. well, oddly enough, because i don't know if you know, last year, i-i-i narrated the documentary about johnny carson. mm-hmm. i am aware. on pbs. it was a terrific show. and so actually i'm quite close to the estate. i see. and we have tracked down your clip. you have? we have. now look -- [ applause ] we can't show it here for legal reasons, but right now, on my website, kevinspacey.com, if people go to it, they will see your clip with johnny carson tonight. wow. that is miraculous. on your web site, kevinspacey.com, is a clip of me on "the johnny carson show." if only i had something like that for this show here. i tell you what, if you're really nice the rest of the interview, i'll download it for you. oh, well, thank you. i would appreciate it. this is a brand-new website of yours? it is. we launched it last week. and it's sort of just -- because over the last sort of 10 years, all the various strands of my life, i felt i wanted to bring everything to one place. 'cause a lot of people don't know

i produced "captain phillips" or "social network" or i run a theater in london, so i brought it all together. well, that's great. and not only you have that going on, you're in one of our youtube movies. oh. yes. you didn't know this? you are in one of our youtube movies. [ laughing ] kevin -- well, i'm not gonna give too much information on that because we are gonna show that to our audience when we come back. kevin spacey is here for our "after the oscars" show. it's our "9th annual after the oscars special." we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] [ band playing up-tempo music ] so i got the new nokia lumia icon. it's got 1080p video, three times zoom, and a twenty-megapixel sensor. it's got the brightest display, so i can see what i'm shooting -- even outdoors, and 4 mics that capture incredible sound. plus, it has apps like vine -- and free cloud storage. my new lumia icon is so great, even our wipeouts look amazing.

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what's wrong? it was him. who? freshman year. [ sighs ] you mean... [ sniffles ] ...mcginnis? francis, francis. please, don't do anything. i'm gonna pin a mother on him -- you have to -- just a minute, please. [ man talking indistinctly ] just a minute, please! he does not deserve it. i'm telling you -- francis, i am beg of you. i'm begging you. no. no. please. [ knock on door ] i said, "just a minute!" do not make a scene. please. that is kevin spacey in season two of "house of cards," which is available on netflix.

this is "jimmy kimmel live: after the oscars." we are live with kevin spacey. that's -- what a great show. i mean, you play a great villain. he's an amazing character. you must have some -- you must be villainous in some way to play such a great villain. just how badly do you want to find out? not that badly. by the way, our selfie has already broken the record set earlier. oh, fantastic. you know, they got a million in the first hour. we got 2 million. wow. that's right. so congratulations to us. and of course, on your website, kevinspacey.com, you can see video of me on "the johnny carson show," when i was a teenage magician. yes. what else is on that website? uh, well, actually, i've just announced, i did a film -- people may or may not know that i did a production of "richard iii" two years ago with sam mendes. none of these people do. but there are other people in the world. cultured people, you mean. exactly. oh. how quickly we turn.

he's talking about yogurt, everybody. okay? free cameras for everybody. [ cheers and applause ] anyway, sam mendes, who directed me in "american beauty." he directed me in "richard iii," and it was a really unique experience where we had 20 actors -- half of them from america, half of them from great britain. and we went around the world for ten months and did "richard iii" in all these cities around the world. and i decided it was something worth documenting. so i made a film called "now," directed by a first-time director named jeremy whelehan. and it's really a -- for all those people who sort of say, "why do you do theater?" and "why is theater important to you?" this is a film i hope answers a lot of those questions. it was an extraordinary experience to do. and it's a really intimate look at what it's like to be an actor in a company, and go around the world and do classic work. and what country is the best country to do shakespeare in? well, a lot of them were incredible. we were in istanbul. we were in china. we were in naples, italy. we were in spain. we were in new york, obviously, san francisco, london. the audiences all appreciate it. well, they do. well, although now in the world that we are speaking of --

you know, phones and cameras -- we now live in a world where a lot of audiences like to -- i mean, literally, i've seen this happen where i'm on stage and i'm working up there. and there is some guy trying to film me. he's got a really -- oh, that's not good. he's loving it. so i decided that i kind of had enough. and i began to yell at the audience in certain cities. [ laughter ] i think it is when i actually flipped someone off in the audience, who took five flash pictures in a row. even after i was going, "stop it. put that down. put that camera down." literally saying it, as the king. [ laughter ] oh, i never broke character. of course not. of course not. of course not. but then the cast thought that maybe it was crazy for me to break the wall. so they bought me a green laser. and so i kept it in my costume. and i would just zap it on someone, when they took a picture. and they would put it away 'cause they thought there was someone with a sniper gun who was gonna take them out. now, i want to mention this because we are live right now. i do want to make sure we include this.

you are part of a very exciting production, a production that we produced here at this show. and i believe you have somebody that you would like to introduce. i do. i'm excited about this. is this the final installment of tonight's -- no. there is one more after this. so this is it, in line with wonderful youtube -- oh, don't tell anything about it. oh, i'm not gonna say anything. okay. good. i'm a guy who understands, "no spoilers." all right? [ laughter ] [ applause ] here to introduce this film, an academy-award winner, the great anjelica huston. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, kevin. many films have attempted to capture an artist. to illustrate his genius, his faults, his passion, his energy. few have succeeded as brilliantly as this majestic screen portrayal of one of the most gifted musical talents of our time.

[ dramatic classical music plays ] narrator: his music would change the world... who is he? sire, he is a madman. he is a devil. narrator: ...and turn his greatest admirer into his most deadly enemy. what do you say, court composer? hamster: sire, he is... ...a miracle. [ upbeat music plays ] [ laughter ] [ music continues ] hamster: keyboard amadeus cat. oh, how i love the music.

oh, how i despise the cat. oh. [ chuckles ] here, kitty kitty. narrator: a tale of two maestros. [ laughing ] oh, kitty. naughty boy. one blessed with the gift of music, the other cursed to languish in his shadow. play for us, court composer. as you wish, sire. [ choir vocalizing ] ♪ hamster on a piano ♪ hamster on a piano ♪ hamster on a piano ♪ eating popcorn on a piano ♪ hamster on a piano ♪ hamster on a piano ♪ hamster -- enough! [ sour note plays ] [ thud ] play more, keyboard cat. [ upbeat music plays ] hamster: why, god?

why must you torture me with beauty i can never attain? but i will have... [ thunder crashes ] ...my revenge. you are compose a funeral march. narrator: starring two-time academy-award winner christoph waltz, academy-award winner ben kingsley, academy-award nominee gary oldman, with mandy patinkin... damn cat. ...abbie cornish... please, call a vet! ...sir james kimmel as... [ thunder crashes ] ...dramatic chipmunk... and two-time academy-award winner kevin spacey as... ameowadeus. now i play you ass, keyboard cat for eternity! [ laughs manically ]

[ cheers and applause ] the great kevin spacey, everybody. we have one more youtube video for you. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] [ band playing up-tempo music ] [ wellington ] multimillion-dollar athletes can afford almost anything. ♪ but what they really want... welcome back, sir. [ wellington ] ...is what they never stop loving. ♪ [ whistles ] [ wellington ] mcdonald's dollar menu at breakfast. with options like the sausage mcmuffin and the mccafé coffee, they can pick their favorites and share the wealth. there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪

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because your kitchen dreams can be big. ikea has it all. welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live: after the oscars," it's been a magical night, and it's about to get even magical-er. we have one more youtube film adaptation, and here to introduce it, our friend and academy-award nominee andy garcia. [ cheers and applause ] an ordinary boy has an extraordinary brush with fate that changes and challenges his perceptions of the world forever. it is a tale of fantasy, reality, beauty, and madness. for the mind of one of our most visionary directors comes a coming-of-age story,

that will open both your eyes and your mouth. [ groans ] [ slurred ] i feel funny. i have two fingers. is this real life? [ echoing ] real life? real life? [ distorted music plays ] narrator: in a world... ♪ is this just fantasy ...where fantasy is reality... ♪ caught in a landslide narrator: ...one boy will discover... ♪ no escape from reality ...how awesome it is to be on drugs... both: ♪ i can't smile without you narrator: ...in 3-d musical hallucination. i can't feel my face. it's okay. i can feel it for the both of us.

i feel funny. man: david? narrator: but sometimes, imagination has a mind of it's own. ♪ novocaine ♪ for the soul ♪ you got to give me something ♪ ♪ to fill the hole [ laughs ] now you smile...for me. never! [ dramatic music plays ] rogen: oh, my gosh. oh, my god. it's a double rainbow all the way across the sky! [ laughs ] [ triumphant music plays ] narrator: take an unforgettable trip with joseph gordon-levitt, catherine zeta-jones, samuel l. jackson...

i said spit, bitch! ...and seth rogen. [ giggles ] never let go. [ slurred ] you have four eyes. well, i have rainbow eyes. sorry. [ laughs ] ♪ some day we'll find it ♪ the rainbow connection ♪ the lovers ♪ the dreamers ♪ and me and me, too, [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ laughs manically ] narrator: baz luhrmann's "david after dentist double rainbow, oh, my god! in 3-d." what does it mean?! you need to see this! guys, you need to see this. [ splat ] ew, gross. awesome.

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i'm jimmy kimmel. this is guillermo. we're coming to austin for a whole week, and people are already lined up. actually, we're in line for franklin barbecue. still lined up. barrett: starting monday, march 10th, kimmel packs his bags for super-size comedy in austin, texas. seth rogen, rosario dawson, governor rick perry, willie nelson, and much, much more. can i come? of course you can come, guillermo. guillermo's coming. "jimmy kimmel live's" big week because everything's bigger in texas, starting monday, march 10th on abc. oh, what an elegant night it has been. i want to thank kevin spacey. i want to thank ellen and portia. i want to thank the academy. i want to thank the stars of our youtube movies, with the exception of matt damon, who is definitely the worst of anyone. thanks for being the weak link again, matt. we will be back tomorrow night at our regular time with gonzo from "the muppets" and toronto mayor rob ford will be with us -- for real.

thanks for watching. please, have the sweetest of dreams. good night. -- captions by vitac- (foliage rustling) (latch closes) (lid clanks) you heard pan. you know what to do with him. (lost boys cheering and whooping) (smack) ow. (scoffs) so you're the kid pan has been looking for all this time? ask him. (grunts) stop it! (cheering and whooping stop) if you can't take this... (smack) how you gonna handle what pan has in store for you?