>> our next news is tomorrow morning. >> we appreciate your time.

instead. it was such another beautiful

day here in california. 74 degrees here in hollywood today, which is great except for the part where we have no water. california is in the middle of a serious drought and we just finished our hottest winter on record. the winter was four degrees warmer than average according to a thermometer that scientists stuck in california's butt. that's how they do it. normally snow will accumulate in the mountains during the winter and then it melts in the spring and summer. that's how we get most of our water. we didn't get a snow build-up and now we're all going to die here. california is the silica gel pa packet in the vitamin bottle of the united states. you need to conserve water. i'm looking at you, shamoo. no more splash zone. the problem with droughts is most people, you go to the sink, you get water, there's no motivation to conserve. there's not anyone in the bathroom watching. unless you happen to be a

responsible person you're probably wasting water. what we need is some kind of a system where if you take a shower longer than six minutes, bees come out of the shower head. if you had bees to deal with, this drought would not be a problem at all. we were in austin, texas, last week for the annual south by southwest festival. they have a drought there, too, but in austin, they don't use water. they survive entirely on lone star beer. they drink it, they bathe in it. have you been eating healthy since you got back? >> yes, i'm trying. >> jimmy: you have? that's interesting. i was told as soon as you got homing you went straight to king taco for a burrito and that you then made a stop at shaky's pizza. >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: that was on the weekend. >> jimmy: and when did we get home? >> guillermo: on the weekend. >> jimmy: that was yesterday, right? he will be missed. there were a lot of people in

austin for the south by southwest festival. sal installed his hidden cameras in a popular food truck. we showed part one of this last week. th here's part two of cousin sal keeping austin a little bit weirder than usual. hi. how can i help you ladies? boiled brat, no tomato. it's an extra $1.25 with no to mtomato. is that okay? okay. with the tomatoes it's $2.25. you said no tomato first. it all depends on what you want. do you want tomato or not tomato. >> guillermo: . >> i do not want tomato. >> that's $1.25.

>> that doesn't make sense. $1 more for no ingredient? >> yeah, it's a great new thing. >> so you're charging more because i told you that i didn't want tomatoes and now you're double charge me for the tomatoes. >> are you going to take them off yourself? >> no. i'm going to keep the tomatoes. i'm going to keep the tomatoes. >> so that's $1.75 extra. this stuff costs money. you should sayo tomato. i'll say tomato. what was her problem? >> i would like a kebab with mild sauce. >> with what? >> milder sauce. >> mild? why? are you having stomach issues. >> it's not for me. >> who is it for? >> it's for somebody else. >> trying to pick up a girl?

can i get a name? >> richard. >> who's it for though? >> richard. >> you're giving it to a guy named richard? >> what is your problem? >> i don't have a problem. >> you just cost two customers. is there a manager here or are you the only one here. get the manager. you really got to get the manager. you're acting like an idiot. two customers walked away. i want a ke babab. i'm going to walk away. you have one minute to get the manager. >> the problem is we need to write down the name of who's going to eat it. >> get the manager. >> i will get the manager. the clock is ticking, one minute. sir? what's the matter?

>> i used to come here. >> when you got it for people, who did you give it to? what was the guy's name? >> jimmy: thank you, cousin sal. all right, that was nice. we're going to take a break. when we come back, oh, this -- we asked people when we come back on the street if they're ready for the earthquake that's coming tomorrow. and a lot of them are. a lot of them are ready. earthquake edition of "lie witness news." plus ashley judd, howie mandel and music from capital cities. you've reached the age where you know how things work.

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>> jimmy: hello there and welcome back. ashley judd, howie mandel and capital cities are present and accounted for. we had an earthquake yesterday morning. whenever there's an earthquake, i have a thing i do. i get my ipod, put on an aerosmith song and allow a solitary tear to slowly roll down my cheek while i prepare for the sweet release of death. whenever there's a small earthquake like this, everyone starts speculating about when the big one will hit. today we went out and asked pedestrians if they heard about the big earthquake that's going to happen tomorrow morning. and wouldn't you know it, a lot of them had, in tonight's special earthquake edition of "lie witness news." >> you heard obviously

california side molgeismologist announced tomorrow will be the big one around 8:15 a.m. >> i'm from the east coast, we don't have much earthquakes out there. >> where were you when you heard about the big earthquake coming tomorrow? >> oh, man, actually on my way here. >> have you been stocking up on stuff? >> lots of water, lots of non-perishables. like things you can eat. i have that naturally already. things like that that i can eat. >> where were you when you first heard the news that the big one is going to hit tomorrow? >> it was about 1:15. it was on the facebook. i looked at the seismology, some of the charts that were going on and they were saying that yeah, tomorrow. >> you heard obviously there's

going to be a big earthquake tomorrow morning? >> yes, i did. >> and how are you preparing for that? >> i'm not prepare but i would like to see powerful earthquake. >> sure, who doesn't. >> i would love to see -- >> open up and swallow mankind. >> yes, yes. >> are you concerned at all about the looters? >> down the sfleet litreet? like all over? yeah, definitely. >> where were you when you first heard the big one is going to hit tomorrow morning? >> well, i have heard it from different places. the most recent was on the news. i heard it and i think i read about it in the newspaper. >> you made a reservation in the survival sectors yet? >> yeah, i have family there. >> a samsung mobile device.

if. >> just samsung? >> if you get into the survival sector, you need a samsung mobile device. >> how are you prepared for the magnitude earthquake that's supposed to be hitting tomorrow morning? >> i'm stalki istocks up on bre water and all that stuff. >> push comes to shove, you could eat a pet? >> i guess if the time comes, yes. >> dog or a cat first? >> a cat. because i'm a dog lover. >> do you have any loved ones in the death sectors? >> doi. i do. >> anything you would like to say to them? >> be careful. >> did you feel that? did you feel that little roller right there? felt that one? i felt that. >> did you feel that little roller? >> it's a precursor. >> they're predicting tomorrow morning a cataclysmic earthquake to hit los angeles at 8:30 a.m.

how are you preparing? >> we weren't aware of that news in any shape or form. it's a nonevent as far as we're concerned. we don't accept the premise tomorrow will be a huge earthquake. we just think that's some sort of a spoof news item perhaps. >> winner. high five. >> jimmy: a spoof news item. the joke will be on them when their crumpets are crushed. tonight on the show, howie mandel is with us tonight. the capital cities, and we'll be right back with ashley judd so stick around. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by pennzoil platinum with pure-plus technology. visit motoroilreimagined.com to

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. >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight on the program, the second season of his hidden camera game show "deal with it"

premiers tomorrow night, howie mandel is here with us. and their album "in a tidal wave of mystery" with five new songs, capital cities from the at&t stage. tomorrow night, jeremy piven will be here, zoe kravitz will join us, and we'll have music from yg. and on thursday, don cheadle, from "scandal", tony goldwyn, and music from enrique iglesias. so please join us for those programs. our first guest tonight is a talented actress and comes from a talented family. whose home is filled with tal t talented things. starting friday, you can see her in the highly anticipated sci-fi thriller "divergent" >> you can't be here. >> you weren't sick the day you took the aptitude test, were you? >> why? >> what were your test results? you can tell me.

>> they were inconclusive. >> divergent. >> that is right. please welcome ashley judd. [ applause ] >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> i'm doing well, thank you. >> jimmy: you just got back from texas. >> i've been eating my way through the lone star state. >> jimmy: that's what i was doing the whole time. i feel like i smuggled a petting zoo back in my stomach. >> oh, gross. >> jimmy: what did you eat there? >> i always like to go to parini's steak house, which is out past abilene. and i basically order the entire menu. >> jimmy: really? you eat a lot. i find that hard to believe. >> i'm a big eert. yeah. >> jimmy: when you say big

eater, a lot of very fit, thin people claim to be big eaters and they sit down with me. oh, okay, i'm not a big eater. >> do you want to have a contest? i'll meet you out back right now. >> jimmy: really? what size steak would you eat? >> well, a steak, you know, i get a little tired of the red meat. i don't eat a whole lot of red meat. it's probably not the best food item. >> jimmy: things are turning all of a sudden. what are you going to have, a broccoli eating contest? >> when i go to work on the film, i spend more time work on the menu than my character. people literally do not believe the amount i have to eat. i'm in a rage fit because i'm hungry the whole time. >> jimmy: that's the way to do it. that's something else. i also exercise a lot. there's a balance. >> jimmy: that's what i'm missing. that's what i'm not doing. >> come to zumba.

>> jimmy: is that a real thing? i just thought it was a joke word somebody made up. >> it's a gas. >> jimmy: what is zumba? >> it's shaking your butt and pretending like you're good at it. >> jimmy: is it dancing? >> it's embarrassingly old school aerobics. but i actually started because i wanted the cross brain experience. i wanted to use my nondominant side. then i just realized i like to wiggle. >> jimmy: oh, really. because it sounds like one of those little vacuums that goes really fast. do you know what i'm saying. >> you can get the petting zoo out. >> jimmy: how dare you, fat shaming me in front of everyone. did you eat these animals? >> that's tragic. those are my pet pigs from the county fair in tennessee. i would never eat them. >> jimmy: they are exempt from your -- how cute are they? oh, my gosh. >>. >> jimmy: it's hard to tell because they're a blurry

picture. >> one was eating my dress. he wanted to stay away. >> jimmy: these pigs will eat you, you should eat them. so you raise pigs. >> well, i would love to raise pigs and swine in all my free time. the wilson county fair is the best fair in the state of tennessee. >> jimmy: oh, it is? >> i love it every year. >> jimmy: do you go to a lot of fairs that you're rating them against each other? >> i like fairs. ohio fair i wept to as a kid. that was my introduction. the t-shirts i'm with stupid. do you remember those? presume married people and they're not on the right side of each other and they're pointing to a stranger. >> jimmy: what do you like to do at the fair? >> eat a corn dog then go upside down and see if it you can hold it down. way to impress a 15-year-old nephew, by the way. >> jimmy: take him on the upside down thing? >> and not puke after you've eaten a lot. >> jimmy: what else? >> i like -- i love to see the crafts. that's how you know you're growing up or old. i used to go to older people.

a n the hot part of the day they would want sit or watch the shows. i would like to see the biggest tomato. >> jimmy: i would like to see the biggest tomato. i'm not kidding. i would. >> it's truly fun. the ag part is great. go to the bales of hay and bury my face in them. >> jimmy: i'm allergic. i wouldn't do that. i'm allergic to almost everything. that's probably why i was never taken to state fairs by my family. guillermo, did you ever go to state fairs? >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: thank you. thanks for adding to the conversation. >> of. >> at the end of a fair, you have a lot of crud between your toes. that was a satisfying fair. >> jimmy: when it gets into your shoes? >> you have to wear flip flops. never wear clogs. >> jimmy: there's no chance i would wear clogs anyway.

maybe to zumba. you are a big kentucky wildcats fan. it's that time of year. and there are two other kentucky wildcat fans. >> screw us in our bracket in seeding. >> jimmy: do you feel like you got a raw deal? >> no, we kind of made our season and we're deal with it. >> jimmy: kansas state is -- >> our first up, first knack. >> jimmy: you're a very avid fan. i heard a story you were in the locker room. you took one of the players -- >> i took his phone. and said be sure to call your mother first. when i was stood up, i just grabbed an iphone that was there. >> jimmy: oh, i see. so it wasn't like you had two phones and didn't notice it. or maybe you did.

>> i got all the way out of kentucky before i realized it was his phone. i felt bad. >> jimmy: i saw divergent. it didn't seem like it's a movie for me. there's teenage girls that are crazy for this thing. but it was good. it was set in the future, of course. and you play divergent's mom. mom divergendivergent. her name isn't actually divergent in the movie. but is that a fun type of movie to do for you? >> making "divergent" was great deal fun. first of all, there's a built-in phenomenon because the books by veronica roth are so popular. the book one and two were on the best southeasterly list at the same time. it's just an avid fan base. a very intelligent fan base. it's a dystopian furniture. >> jimmy: they can read? >> very big words, in fact. it's very economical. she's a clever writer. she actually published it when

she was in college. i was busy doing amnesty international protests. and she was becoming an international best seller. she's quite amazing. but making the movie was great. do right donuts in chicago. so delicious. i would like to be their spokesperson. >> jimmy: what's your doughnut of choice? >> it's called old fashioned. >> jimmy: what it's in it? >> flour, butter milk. >> jimmy: does it have a filling? >> no, no. be not mistaken. an old fashioned is a particular type of doughnut. they're very difficult to find these days. >> jimmy: what's their flavor? >> it has a crumb around the edge. it has a little bit of a ridge and they use chocolate on theirs. >> jimmy: you're making me very hungry. >> i had a doughnut at my chair

and i thought about that doughnut all day. and then somebody had eaten it. it was distraught. i lived for that doughnut. then somebody brought me a whole box. but they did so anonymously. >> jimmy: oh, really? that's a beautiful story. thank you for coming. the music is called "divergent." we'll be right back with howie mandel. ♪ ♪ ♪

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>> jimmy: our next guest is a very funny comedian and man. you know him from "america's got talent" and the second season of his other show "deal with it" premiers at 10:30 tomorrow night on tbs. please welcome howie mandel! [ applause ] >> before we start, i just want to say i want to thank josh. he's your stage manager. a guy named josh backstage. i think i talked about this before on a talk show, but i still find it fascinating. he said jimmy is going to say your name. you'll hear your name and then i'm going to cue them to lift the door. when you go out, jimmy will be

about 11 feet to your left. have you ever had somebody come out going, where is jimmy? it's a foot and a half. why did i need directions to find you? how stupid do i look that i would come out that door and go oh, he was supposed to be here. there you are. there you are. >> jimmy: if you want to know what the truth is, josh smokes a lot of pot. yeah, he does. so it's him that's confused. i think the audience may have seen this. i purelled like crazy before you came out here. that's how much respect i have for you. i doused myself in purel. i even had to get a tissue to dry my hands. and then -- >> i'm a germaphobe. that tube, they send it to your -- they tell you to stand very still in your living room at home and then within a second

a door opens and we're here. it's amazing how you do that. but thank you. i would imagine you're disinfecting more. you're having a child, right? >> jimmy: i am, yes. i never got a chance to -- [ applause ] >> to >> -- to say congratulations. i didn't ask you, but you've done this before. are you going to to do it, like, natural? or is she going to get the epidural? >> jimmy: oh, yeah. right away. >> my wife right away with the epidural. during conception she asked for it. >> jimmy: really? >> are you in yet? are you going to be in the room? >> jimmy: of course i'll be in the room. i'm a doctor. of course i'll be in there. yeah. >> with the first two, were you in the room? >> i freaked out. >> jimmy: i would imagine you would because you're -- >> not the dirt. you know what i freaked out about. i wasn't going to talk about this but i will. you have kids in your 20s. i don't know if they do it

anymore, they came in and said would you like an enema. did they offer an enema? >> jimmy: they offered me one but not her. >> why do they offer -- like you're not uncomfortable enough, you're about to push a watermelon and you think you know what, what i would like, what would put me at ease if you would just jam a hose up there and put some water. i think they do it, sometimes with the pressure, they say push, push, there's a little pile of things you don't want. >> jimmy: yeah, different kinds of babies. >> my wife did not poop on the table. >> oh, that's nice. >> had she i wouldn't have known the difference. i would have thought oh, my god, look at my son. he's beautiful. i remember my first born was actually a girl. i remember being so freaked out that she would be healthy. i remember counting the fingers and going five, thank god. and then seeing the feet. and counting five. and then looking. just asking the doctor because i

wasn't -- is it a girl or a boy? i'm looking and i'm asking and it seemed like an eternality. please say girl, please say girl. because if they don't, my son is going to be so embarrassed. a tough life. >> jimmy: fortunately. a. >> here's a little gift for your wife. a real gift oar gift you should open. >> jimmy: on the show? >> you can open it now. it's from -- i can't read that. what can i say? >> jimmy: i don't trust you. i don't know what it's going to be. >> no it's real. >> jimmy: i believe that it exists. >> i told somebody in my office, get me something a lady would enjoy, something special. and that is it. i got you the -- >> jimmy: every animal is sad after sex except the human female and the rooster.

>> it's called a rooster. and what this is, it's for the lady. and what it -- >> jimmy: what is that? >> it's a -- i'm trying to put it nicely. this insert s inserts -- don't . this is an alarm clock. you can set it to wake you up. it's called a rooster. and she sets it and does she have a -- let's take a break and you can -- honey, are you up? i'm coming. >> jimmy: howie mandel is here. we'll be right back. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by pennzoil platinum with pure-plus technology. visit motoroilreimagined.com. to learn more about pennzoil's

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>> jimmy: you have a show on tomorrow called "deal with it." >> do you have twitter? you should tweet this. >> jimmy: leave my twitter followers alone. i follow you. >> you do follow me? >> jimmy: on twitter. not in real life. >> people do the most awkward crazy things for money. >> jimmy: like what? >> i tell you what the premise is just really quickly. in a restaurant, we'll have cameras and microphones. we send a waiter over to call somebody back. we ambush them and say do you want to be on a game show, do you want to win $5,000? they say okay, they have to do whatever we tell them to do for money. so you can say for $1,000, the guy sitting with his son, you can say tell your son that you

are leaving her mother for another man. and you sit there and go will he do it, and if he does it, how are they going to react? then we'll send in the other man, introduce your son so his new mom. >> jimmy: oh, wow. this show should be called "howie ruins lunch." . >> i love it. it's amazing. i love hidden camera. >> jimmy: what do you -- you pull pranks even on your audience when people come to see you do standup comedy. >> one of them was in one of my cable specials. it's about me enjoying myself more than the audience. if they say you can make just one person laugh you've done your job. it's just me. but i was -- at one time i did this, maybe people saw it years and years ago, i did a concert in the round. >> jimmy: i remember that. >> and somebody got up in the

middle, a woman got up and left to go to the lady's room. i realized in the round, it always looks the same. and i told. when she left, i had everybody in her section. 100 people get up. and i moved them to the other side. so when she came in, there would be nobody she knew. i don't know if you can get a shot of this. i don't know if you can get a shot of this. but for the whole concert, this lady comes back, she comes back from the bathroom and this was her row. and she doesn't see anybody she knows. i see her walk back up. ten minutes later, i see her with her ticket come down that aisle over there. ten minutes later, she comes down another aisle. it was the best night i ever had. >> that's what's most important. so the show "deal with it".

>> it's anonymous. if you're around me, you just have to deal with it. go up to somebody in the stranger just cover their eyes and say guess who. no, it's fun for the first hour. >> jimmy: have you really been doing that? >> i do that. >> jimmy: that's great. >> i was in vegas recently. and they had the deal or no deal game, the slot games. so i thought it would be funny. i saw this woman earnestly playing. i hosted the game show a couple of years ago. >> jimmy: on the machine? >> right. she's playing. it came to the point where she had to make a decision. i'm going to lean in. tell your sensor to get close to the button. i'm going to lean in and i'm just going to -- right, so i lean in and i go deal or no deal. and she says get the [ bleep ] away from me.

>> jimmy: people are very sensitive when they're gaming. hwie mandel, everybody. "deal with it" tomorrow night 10:30 on tbs. yes, tweet him. we'll be right back at capital city.

>> jimmy: i'd like to thank ashley judd, howie mandel, and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. nightline is next, but first, the deluxe edition of their album, "in a tidal wave of mystery" is out now. here with the song "one minute more", capital cities.

♪ don't wait for an invitation no need for reservation this life is an exploration and you gotta see what i see in you ♪ ♪ i can't wait one minute more the sun will shine the sun will shine ♪ ♪ we can't wait one minute more the sun will shine the sun will shine ♪ ♪ just think of the destination

i'll be your transportation ♪ ♪ we'll find there's a kind of place that can only be seen with a naked mind ♪ ♪ i can't wait one minute more the sun will shine the sun will shine ♪ ♪ we can't wait one minute more the sun will shine the sun will shine ♪ ♪ there's a key that opens a door will you find it and turn it take your time don't take too long ♪ ♪ there's a map that's washed ashore will you find it and burn it ♪ ♪ unleash your imagination

two stars one constellation bright lights just to guide the way can you see what i see in you ♪ ♪ i can't wait one minute more the sun will shine the sun will shine ♪ ♪ we can't wait one minute more the sun will shine the sun will shine ♪ ♪ i can't wait one minute more the sun will shine the sun will shine ♪

♪ black is my favorite color makes me feel like we know each other blank tapes and posters on the door ♪ ♪ listen to my pink floyd cover take a seat like a backbeat lover mixed tapes and cushions on the floor ♪

♪ i sold my bed but not my stereo i sold my bed but not my stereo ♪ ♪ paper bags and escalators pushing up those broken faders only way to find out who you are ♪ ♪ in a town of ones and zeros you are one magnetic hero little things will always get you far ♪ ♪ i sold my bed but not my stereo i sold my bed but not my stereo ♪ ♪ i sold my bed

but not my stereo i sold my bed but not my stereo ♪ . >> i think it's a privilege to call yourself a scientologist. >> stars say it's helped them, but this long-time member blames the church for tearing her family apart, forcing her to choose between her son and her daughter. >> no mother should ever have to make that choice. >> under pressure, think your job is stressful? bet it's nothing compared to this. just in time for march madness, we've got unprecedented behind the scenes access to a top college basketball coach. >> stress is probably the number one thing that kills you.