twitter, facebook and all of your mobile devices. our next newscast is 4:30 tomorrow morning. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- kate upton from "transcendence", cole hauser jonah hill and channing tatum and music from neon trees with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, everyone. i'm jimmy.

thank you. i appreciate that. [ cheers and applause ] we have a good show for you tonight, with neon trees, cole hauser, kate upton. nowadays high school students will make videos asking models to go to the prom with them. kate upton is here to tell them to stop. i believe her exact quote was listen up you little nerd if you can't get a cheerleader your own age to go with you you damn sure aren't getting me. that's a good lesson. somebody need to tell these kids now. if i said it once, i said it 100 times. there is nothing worse than a go-getter. really isn't. kate upton will be here to tell them in a very sexy way. we have many important subject to cover tonight. none more important than beef. the price of beef is skyrocketing. beef prices hit an all-time high in the united states. the number of people in the united states is going up.

thanks to the drought and global warming the number of cows is going down. which means it's time to start hoarding jerky, people, it is. the price of beef has gone up more than 30% over the last six years. if that wasn't enough there is a bacon shortage on the way. mysterious virus has been killing pigs. which means we might not have as much bacon. we, might have to eat l.t. sandwiches. you know what is a great substitute for bacon though? nothing! there is no substitute for bacon. we might have to find a new plan tig planet to live on. baconia. youtube video of an italian magician, he has a youtube channel. he teaches people to do magic tricks, science experiments this seems to be neither. what miliaci did, he put it in nutella, in a coke bottle, then put a condom on the coke bottle.

i wouldn't kid thconsider this it is magical. [ speaking italian ] [ speaking italian ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i am loving this new pope, i really am. good to see the italian space program making strides. there was some very positive news from the leader, for the lead r of norer of north korea. he got 110% of the votes. voter turnout was 100% which is

impressive. especially since he ran unopposed. it is almost if they force people to vote over there. part of the reason he did so well, this campaign poster "yes, you will." kim jong-un, he kept the celebration low key. dinner at home with his wife, dennis rodman. it was nice dinner followed by a night of tender triumphant love making. speaking of love making, where is guillermo? why is he upstairs? >> working on something. >> jimmy: he is working on something? that i don't believe. oh, i see what he is working on. he is working on a bals cosket wings it looks like. guillermo, can you hear me? >> from hollywood, it is your favorite, it is the one, it is the "guillermo show."

hello, amigos. welcome to my show. hello to my band. hello, band. ♪ okay, what is it that, in the news today, can you believe that justin bieber kid? oh, my god, what a spoiled -- did you hear that we have a shortage of bacon? yeah, they say we may have to eat l.t. sandwich. no b., get it, just l.t. >> jimmy: hey, hey, wait guillermo. i did that joke a minute ago. you just stole one of my jokes. >> you are a jokes! >> jimmy: i'm a jokes? what's going on here? >> you can see them together again, 21 jump street, welcome,

jonah hill -- [ indiscernible ] >> how are you? >> 22 jump street. >> that's right. >> jimmy: what is going on here, jonah hill and chanum tatum on your show? >> hey, jimmy. >> jimmy: how did you get them on your show? >> i texted them. >> he texted us. >> you have their phone numbers? >> of course, i have a lot of people's phone numbers, jimmy. what a loser, huh? anyways, you were in 21 jump street now. you are in 22 jump street. what's next, 23 jump street? >> that's great. yeah. >> okay, we have a clip of a new movie, 22 jump street. you want to set this up? >> yeah, this is basically a

little clip of the full red band trailer which will be on 22jumpstreetmovie.com. >> wow. all right. we have a clip. roll the clip. [ indiscernible ] >> you are going to nc state. >> why ever time you speak, i want to throw the [ bleep ] up. >> why are you going to put it there? awe a it feels right. >> ah! >> everybody know everybody. >> listen there is a grenaden my shorts? >> i got it. >> that's my [ bleep ]. >> what about that? >> that's my [ bleep ]. >> that was a very good clip. thank you, jonah and channum

being on thegirl sh guillermo s. >> we'll be right back with kate upton. >> jimmy: you will not be back with kate upton. i will be back with kate upton. >> i will be right back with kate upton. >> jimmy: no you will not. >> i will, jimmy. >> jimmy: think we just found a replacement for letterman over there. [ cheers and applause ] anyway. moving on. i was watching, watching "dr. oz" instead of working out. and you know -- i feel for dr. oz. he does a daily show. but as far as health goes, unless you start getting into like the weird elements. there is only so many subjects you can cover. hard to come up with a new part of the body every day, five days a week. because of that, i often wonder, is dr. oz out of ideas?

>> do you know where your wenis is? >> jimmy: ha-ha. i actually didn't until today. turns out a wenis, did you know a term used to describe the skin over your elbow. and when i was a kid i use to bite my mother's wenis. i did. driving, arm up on the seat. i would be in the back seat, my sister and i would chew my mother's wenis. how is it possible i didn't know about the wenis thing. i feel look my entire childhood went to waste. if i could build a time machine it would be specifically so i could go back in time to use the word -- oh, oh. [ cheers and applause ]

>> did you have a good time? >> yeah. yeah. >> he is like the best interviewer i have ever been interviewed by. >> man ever. >> gave you all the stuff? >> look at the swag, man. gave us a bunch of money. >> he gave you money. >> booze. >> bootze. >> he is a good host. >> jimmy: he is? >> he is really good. ha-ha-ha. >> he gave you a onesy. for the baby. >> for me, actually. >> jimmy: will you stick around to do, my show? >> no. >> no, no. >> guillermo has an after party in the parking lot. going to go out there and party. >> jimmy: after party. >> i would invite you, but i don't have any more plus-ones or something. >> jimmy: okay, good to see you. and "22 jump street." channum -- channing

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>> welcome back. kate upton, and music from neon trees. the dodgers played the tigers in l.a. top of the third. hunter at bat.

vince scullie took the opportunity as he does from time to team to tell a personal story. i love vince scully, he is the all time great, 86 years old, and still excellent. but i think you will agree that his choice of anecdotes during this particular at-bat was odd. >> hunter will be the first to tell you he had a very tough childhood growing up. his mom was an elementary school teacher and his father was a railroad worker. his name is theotus. however, theotus became a crack addict. in fact his father disappeared for quite a while. takes ball one. he disappeared with hunter's favorite jacket. and then one day, he got up in the morning and his dad was asleep on the couch and there was the jacket on the back of the chair. he put the jacket on. he was so thrilled. he want to school. he wanted to answer a question

and raised his right handshaking it. and falling out of the jacket was what he called it, a crack pipe. that's the first time he realized. well, you get the idea. >> jimmy: and then he struck out. ha-ha. yeah, you do call it a crack pipe. you can read that story and many more like it in vince scully's "bedtime stories for kids." maybe vin got ahold of mr. hunter's old crack pipe himself. a very interesting television news today. i guess this shows you how many channels we have now. because discovery communications, the company that owns discovery channel, became investor in dog tv. a tv network for dogs to watch. they say their goal tips entertain and relax dogs. it's good. some times dogs need to unwind

after a long day of sitting on the floor licking themselves. discovery says the channel will be perfect for dogs who are home alone all day. and very stoned human beings home alone all day. for $5 a month. subscribe to dog tv or for no dollar is a month take your dog outside and let him sniff poop. dad, why didn't your jen ration do more to stop global warming. son we, tried. we needed electricity so our dogs could watch tv. guillermo, you said your chihuahua, packo, pepe up for dog tv. >> sure, $5. >> jimmy: waste $5 a month so your dogs can watch tv. >> jimmy: you would? >> sure. >> jimmy: you've think it is odd, this wa was, you gave them common names, pepe and packo. me, naming my dogs brad and steve. >> yeah, they're chihuahuas. so. >> jimmy: yeah, i understand.

you know, our musical guest tonight, neon trees have an exciting new project. they have been asked by the president of the united states, asked them to record a new version of the emergency alert system you. know that annoying sound that suddenly pops on your tv late at night freaks you out. well they recorded a new version of it. we are going to prm emierei on e show. i want to say this is only a test. in the event of a real emergency. i would be gone. i would have already run out of here. again, do not be alarmed. this is only a test. >> the following is a test of the emergency alert system. this conclude the test of the emergency alert system.

>> jimmy: i like the old one. but i really like that. that is not the only annoying sound they have improved upon. the president also asked neon trees to come up with something to replace the sond und of whene big trucks back up. yeah, they did that. >> beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. >> jimmy: you want one more. one more. here we go. they also updated a classic, and horrible sound. >> jimmy: i like it. tonight on

from the new movie "transcendence", cole hauser is here. we have music from neon trees. and we'll be right back with kate upton.

i was thinking the same thing. well, maybe we can look it up on youtube. hmm, it can do that? yeah. my kindle can't get that app. well, what can it do? books. do more with over one millions apps on the galaxy pro tablet.

>> jimmy: tonight on the program, starting april 18th you can see him in the new movie "transcendence", cole hauser is here. and then, their new release "pop psychology" comes out april 22nd, neon trees from the at&t outdoor stage. tomorrow night, seth macfarlane will be here, as will paul bettany. we'll have music from sam smith. and newly-anointed espys host drake has a surprise for us too. so join us then. >> jimmy: our first guest has leaped from the cover of the sports illustrated swimsuit issue right onto the big screen. she stars alongside cameron diaz and leslie mann, she stars as one of the other women in "the other woman," opening in theatres april 25th. please welcome kate upton.

>> jimmy: good to see you. thank you for coming. >> good to see you. >> jimmy: you got back from germany. in germany, yes. >> the whole thing has been a whirlwind. i flew in from germany, i think yesterday. >> jimmy: for the movie you went over there. >> yeah, a whole european tour. >> jimmy: got you have you been to germany before? >> yes, i used to go there twice a month every month for two years. >> jimmy: twice a month. >> when i first started modeling. 15, 16. went over to germany. >> jimmy: who did you go with? >> my mom went a few times with me. then at the end of it she would be look you are going to do catalog and it's boring and i am not watching you model any more. so she sent me on my own. >> jimmy: did sunhe trust you a just didn't want to be bothered with it? i can't imagine send might daughter or my parents sending me even to the mall at that age?

but going over to germany. where would you stay? did they have a model compound or something? >> they keep us all locked up. no. no they would pick different hotels, the clients would get it my flights would get in at the weirdest time. i would go into the hotels. my room wouldn't be ready yet. i would just sleep in the lobby. just lay down. all the germans are like, no, no, get up. go to your room. go to your room. i guess they thought i was dirt y or smelled bad. >> jimmy: they're the ones that smell bad. we wear deodorant over here. >> when you are that age. or you are going into a hotel room. is that exciting, or do you go better not touch anything in the minibar. is this something that is a thrill for you getting to stay in a hotel by yourself? >> no. i think because of the lifestyle i don't like being by myself.

i am inviting friend over. but when i first started modeling. i want to germany, actually, "taken" the first one came out. i of course watched it on the plane while i was by myself. on the way over there. >> jimmy: great. >> so i missed my call-up time i was so jetlagged. and i wake up. and every single within of the light are on in my hotel room. and there is this banging on my door. when i open my eyes, there is five people in my room. lech two of them are in the bathroom. why are you in the bathroom? and they're all in there, just to tell me my cab was there. but i was like i'm being taken. ha-ha. liam, help. >> jimmy: in a way you were, taken to the modeling. >> exactly. >> jimmy: that's crazy. now you are acting which is, is that, is that your dream? something that you always wanted to do? >> i am so happy i am acting now. it's crazy when i first started modeling. i thought, i was just trying to

figure it out by myself. no one was really, go this path or go that way. so i assumed that acting would be the same way. but, cameron and leslie took meened their arms showed me the way and they supported me every single step. i am really lucky to have those friend. >> jimmy: not camaraderie and helpfulness in the world of modeling much more in acting. >> i didn't have it. >> you were alone. people were barging in. taking you places you didn't want to go. >> exactly. exactly. in acting, i wanted to be there. we filmed in, manhattan, bahamas, and hamptons. i was like, i'm in. sign me up. >> jimmy: you are very young you. turn 21 since the last time you were here. >> yeah, on the movie set. >> jimmy: on the movie set. did you have a party? a big thing? i would imagine diddy would throw you a party or something look that, isn't that how it works when you are a supermodel? >> actually for my 21st birthday i hang out with my uncle.

>> jimmy: really? >> yeah, at a republican convention. >> jimmy: that sound like a ball. >> i think maybe it would have been better if diddy planned me a party or something. >> jimmy: why didn't he do that for you? how did you wind up hanging around with your uncle. >> i was coming from the gym. i was wearing a hat and texting on my phone or something. i was in the elevator. in my building where i was staying. i heard, i thought i heard my dad's voice so. i looked up. i was like, did my dad surprise me for my birthday. no my uncle was standing right in front of me talking to everyone. i'm like, hey, uncle fred, yeah, remember me, i'm your niece. >> jimmy: coincidence. >> yeah, right in front of me. >> jimmy: you had no plan that day on your birthday so. you went with him. >> yeah, just do floors above mine. i was look all right, i will join you. >> jimmy: really? were there like famous people there? or, a low-level kind of thing? what was the deal? >> i guess everyone in congress is famous, right? >> yeah, everyone in congress.

>> everyone famous. >> jimmy: who from congress? >> a lot of people. everyone was singing me happy birthday. it was my day, i wasn't really focused on who was there. listen, i will go to this, it is all about me. >> jimmy: who is the number one most famous person there. i am trying to get a beat. was the president? >> no, no, he wasn't there. >> maybe my uncle. >> jimmy: your uncle. well to you he is the most famous guy. so your uncle is, he does what exactly? >> in the house of representatives. >> jimmy: wow. that is some family you have there? none of my uncles are in the house of representatives. >> i bet they didn't surprise you for your birthday. >> jimmy: that they will do. never a good surprise. we will take a break. see a clip from your movie. kate upton is here. the movie is called "the other wom woman." we will be right back. ♪ ♪

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>> i just can't believe you would lie to me. >> you must hate me so much. >> i don't hate you. i got all of it out of my system with that one. >> how can you be amazing and be friend with your husband's mistress. >> a dream come true. >> ignore her. working through stuff right now. she is troubled. but you smell amazing, what is that? >> i think it is just sweat. >> jimmy: that is kate upton.

cameron diaz, leslie mann. >> they're very nice. >> yes. >> jimmy: you had fun with them i am sure? >> so much fun. they, they threw me a birthday party as well. >> jimmy: good, somebody did. glad somebody did. >> they showed me how to be a real woman. >> jimmy: how do you be a real woman? i would look to learn that. >> what i learned from that you take a lot of tequila shots and then you dance until you don't remember dancing anymore. >> jimmy: interesting, guillermo, sound like you are a real woman. >> that's perfect. >> i was thinking that. >> jimmy: is this one of the movies that men should not go to because, at the end of it, their wives or girlfriend will be mad at them because about a guy cheating? >> no, no. i think when they go to the movie they will feel better. i may have missed valentine's day, but i am not that bad. >> jimmy: so you look good by comparison. >> exactly.

exactly. their wives and girlfriend will be i like you a lot better. >> jimmy: you are doing this stuff. will you do sports i"sports ill" swimsuit next year. >> i am scared to get a call in from sports ill straltill strat "sports illustrated." i did antarctica and zero gravity. >> this is my nightmare. this is from a famous photo shoot now. you aren a plane diving towards the earth right now, isn't that how it works? >> that's exactly how it works. it was lots of fun diving toward the earth. >> you are smiling through the whole thing. i would be vomiting. through the whole thing. >> that works for some people. it's look a stomach flu. make your goal weight. one person did, it was trekkie. they're like barfing, zipping it up. when we hit zero gravity. all the barf is floating.

>> jimmy: becomes community property. >> ha-ha-ha. yeah, exactly. >> jimmy: that would be my photo shoot. >> ha-ha. >> jimmy: men a cloud ein a cl vomit. very good to see you. >> thank you. >> kate upton." "the other woman opens in theatres april 25th. we'll be right back with cole hauser. [ applause ] ♪ ♪ >> hi, it is me guillermo. if you want your grass to look good. grow grass anywhere. isn't that right, mr. baseball, hall of famer, frank thomas. >> that's right, guillermo. >> wow, you are a very tall guy. that's better. now, remove your cap, please. here is how it works. pour scotts easy seed on a bare

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>> jimmy: you know our next guest from "dazed & confused", "good will hunting", and "a good day to die hard." and many films. next up, he does battle with a computer that looks and sounds just like johnny depp. "transcendence" opens april 18th. please say hello to cole hauser. >> how are you? >> just ran into kate. played in the celebrity beachball recently. >> jimmy: what is it? >> the super bowl before that. they build a huge. >> jimmy: i know. celebrity. and athlete. like professional players. >> in new york. snowing. built this huge tent with this -- beach basically. we played deion sander, myself, desmond howard. you name it. >> jimmy: was it fun for you?

>> a dream come true. deion. primetime. >> jimmy: deion one of your favorites? >> yeah, best shut down corner in the world. to have him coach me. get out there. one of great things about him is he kept grabbing me basically saying you my man. let's go, come on, man. >> jimmy: one of the great things about him is he looked you. >> yes, in fact, so much so that he invited me to the all madden celebrity. >> jimmy: he did. is there anything better than that? did you play, like football in high school? >> i played. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. as a kid you play. then as an adult you get like a compliment from. >> one of the greats. i caught a ball from joe montana. >> jimmy: how good is that. >> in fact i am living out this same kind of dream where i am going down to long beach to race in a toyota long beach grand prix. >> jimmy: this weekend. >> this weekend. >> jimmy: have you done that

before? >> al unser jr., al unser's son. >> jimmy: how long did he train you? >> him and kyle petty. >> jimmy: why did they take that time to train. seems like the guys are serious. >> they make them do it. >> i had to do it. they were forced in a way. same time too, having al there, he enjoys racing cars, that's his life. so, following him around the track, seeing his lines and where he brakes was, you know, what else can you ask for? >> jimmy: is your wife happy about the fact that you will be racing an automobile? it is not, it's, you know, you are talking flag football when you are playing with these, on these beach games. this is real. in a car. and people are going fast? >> she is 70/30. knows there is a little glitch in me when i get on a motorcycle or car. she is, she is definitely concerned. just doesn't want me to hurt

anybody else. >> jimmy: oh, i see. you drive like a maniac? >> yeah, on occasion. >> jimmy: by the way, have to tell you. some of the, especially some of the women that work here at the show were very, very excited about the fact that your wife is one of the twins from sweet valley high. >> guess which one she is? >> which one is your wife? >> 50/50 shot. >> guess the one showing her legs is your wife is that true? >> good job, jimmy. >> jimmy: do you know who it is? that would be -- >> tell you a story, a quick one. when high was first, you know, brought to their house, me being kind of a little bit shy, i walk to the door, thinking, oh, no, they're identical twins. what do i do? who opens the door? do you say, hey, honey, how are you? so, of course the door opens. and i just sat there, like -- hi.

and she goes i'm britney. oh, great, i'm cole, how are you. >> jimmy: they experienced this before. do you ever have a situation where -- i have this with. and they're not identical twins. i had to stop myself moments before giving my sister in law a smack on the -- >> i have definitely done it. >> jimmy: they're okay. >> she smiled. ha-ha. >> jimmy: you could get away with a lot. just saying i didn't realize. >> yeah, my bad. especially, you are out having a good time. >> jimmy: nice to have a spare wife too, also, right? >> exactly. i mean, you know it is not bad too, when you are walking around. >> jimmy: in good will hunting, matt damon, ben affleck, you lived together at one time. >> there was a ten year, decade of us just basically running around together. >> jimmy: as the bad as i imagine. sound like it would be terrible.

living with that monster. >> you know what, there was a lot of insults thrown. but it that way. >> jimmy: there were. you are not living together. that's over with. >> we all have kids. and taken the next step. >> jimmy: interesting. i think a real friend would stay with you. that's just me. your co-star from transcendence johnny depp was here the other night. plays a guy who becomes one with the computer. you play a guy who its trying to unplug it basically. >> yeah, a colonel. basically, listen, i did two weeks of work to work with i think one of the most fantastic actors in the world, that's morgan freeman. >> jimmy: not johnny depp. >> i didn't have any scenes with him. don't get me in trouble. >> jimmy: headed in one direction. wait a minute. where did that go? >> i love johnny depp. let me say that. i had no scenes. >> jimmy: johnny was trapped in the computer. >> like hal in 2000.

>> jimmy: exactly. morgan freeman has been here. and i have to say i was surprised by how -- kind of loose and, fun he is. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: did you experience that with him? >> it's funny. we were outen new m en nin new of summer. like being on the moon. 116 degrees. absolutely miserable. but we were all in between takes, go into this little tent. and finally i started saying, listen can you open the side up. we need air in here. people were starting to fall over. morgan would break into -- music. and it was his way to kind of deal with the heat. he would start going into like ottis redding. sitting on the dock of the bay. wasting time. i said is that where you are? and in his god voice, yes, i am. >> jimmy: very good to see you. congratulations on the film.

>> thank you. >> jimmy: "transcendence" opens in theaters april 18th. when we come back, music from neon trees. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by a-t-and-t. rethink possible. gets that can be a real bear. that's why they've got lots of ways to save. real big club card deals, the safeway app and gas rewards. this week life gets a whole lot tastier this week life gets a whole lot tastier with foster farms fresh whole chickens, just $.88 a pound

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>> jimmy: i'd like to thank kate upton, cole hauser, jonah hill, channing tatum, and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. but first, their album, "pop psychology" comes out april 22nd. here with the song "sleeping with a friend", neon trees. >> how you doing? ♪ ooh yeah

♪ all my friends they're different people anxious like the ocean in a storm ♪ ♪ when we go out yeah, we're electric coursing through our bodies 'til we're one ♪ ♪ and why mess up a good thing, baby it's a risk to even fall in love ♪ ♪ so when you give that look to me i better look back carefully ♪ ♪ 'cause this is trouble yeah this is trouble ♪ i said ooh, ooh you got me in the mood ♪ ♪ i'm scared but if my heart's gonna break before the night will end

i said ooh ooh ♪ ♪ we're in danger sleeping with a friend sleeping with a friend ♪ ♪ all my friends stay up past midnight looking for the thing to fill the void ♪ ♪ i don't go out much like i used to something 'bout the strangers and the noise ♪ ♪ and why leave when i got you, baby it's a risk but babe i need the thrill ♪ ♪ i never said you'd be easy but if it was all up to me i'd be no trouble hey, we're in trouble ♪ ♪ i said ooh, ooh you got me in the mood ♪ i said ooh, ooh you got me in the mood ♪ ♪ i'm scared but if

my heart's gonna break before the night will end i said ooh ooh ♪ ♪ we're in danger sleeping with a friend sleeping with a friend ♪ ♪ we are both young hot-blooded people we don't wanna die alone ♪ ♪ two become one it could be lethal sleeping with a friend ♪ ♪ all my friends all my friends all my friends all my friends ♪ ♪ i said ooh, ooh you got me in the mood ♪ ♪ i'm scared but if

my heart's gonna break before the night will end i said ooh ooh ♪ ♪ we're in danger sleeping with a friend sleeping with a friend ♪ ♪ all my friends sleeping with a friend all my friends ♪ ♪ if my heart's gonna break before the night will end i said ooh ooh we're in danger sleeping with a friend ♪ ♪ i drew my name in lipstick on a mirror at your sister's house ♪ ♪ she told me i was strange i told her thanks

and kissed her on the mouth ♪ ♪ but you don't go that way i thought you had a thing for fancy boys looks can be deceiving ♪ ♪ i love you but i hate your friends they are desperate if you knew what i know would you be ready to go ♪ ♪ all this emptiness would end stop pretending if you knew what i know would you be ready to go would you be ready to go ♪ ♪ they never lock on music they bitch about how cool it used to be ♪ ♪ so now i can't refuse it i dig your blatant sexuality ♪

♪ oh you say i'm not that easy i'm not sure what the hell you take me for honey, looks can be deceiving ♪ xx. this is "nightline." tonight prepubescent preachers, the parents who send their children into the streets. to shout the gospel at people they have never met. >> what is hateful about telling somebody the truth. >> what happens when this 11-year-old girl gives ate try for the first time. >> you must repent! >> plus, hell on earth. entire families living under the wing of an airplane. a little boy armed with a mache machete. we are on the front lines of a faith-fueled conflict with an american woman whose job it is to stop