catch us next week for another edition of "what would you do?" like us on facebook and follow us on twitter. don't go away. "20/20" starts right now. my son is a mass murderer. >> some would say you're responsible. you're the father. why didn't you do more? >> tonight on "20/20." the secret life of elliot rodger. the 22-year-old who went on a killing spree last month. barbara walters' exclusive one-on-one interview. chilling details you haven't heard before now. a loner obsessed with finding

girlfriend. and then angry at the world when he couldn't. new revelations from his day of retribution video. and the manifesto he called my twisted world. and you'll hear from a survivor who looked him in the eye and lived to tell the tale. and the families of the victims, what do they want to say? tonight, the secret life of elliot rodger? now, david muir and elizabeth vargas. >> tonight, a "20/20" exclusive, about something that happened this very hour two months ago. >> and the father of the young killer speaking out only to

barbara walters. tonight, he's back on a special assignment. >> well, tonight, this is special. a milestone, the first time that a parent of a mass murderer has ever spoken on television. he's doing this to show other parents the warning signs he missed hopefully so that no one has to go through the night that changed his life and so many others, forever. on a quiet memorial day weekend, peter rodger and his wife were hurtling down the highway from los angeles to santa barbara. it was a one hundred mile journey of terror. >> i have to save my son. i have to get to santa barbara now. >> reporter: peter rodger had just seen a disturbing video that his son, elliot, had posted on youtube. >> i hate all of you, and i

can't wait to give you exactly what you deserve. utter annihilation. >> what went through your mind? >> i can only describe like -- like a really dark force of horrible energy that hit me. >> what were your fears for him? >> i felt for his -- his life. i didn't know what -- what he was doing. and then suddenly he's saying he's going to do other things to other people. i was confused. i just wanted to go and find him and -- and talk to him, do something. we were driving up there not knowing what to do trying to get information. >> reporter: peter rodger was on a mission to prevent a massacre. but halfway to his destination, suddenly he heard the reports. >> breaking news right now out of isla vista where we are getting reports of a shooting. there are unconfirmed reports that there may be as many as three victims. possibly a fatality. the death toll could be climbing. >> shots fired.

>> did you know that this was your son? the shooter? >> no. god -- good lord, no. we were just driving up there in absolute fear for him and -- and confusion. >> witnesses say a bmw with two people inside had people open fire and also run over people. >> i was hearing, you know, reports of a black bmw, and i was going, "oh, no, no, no. police were saying, we don't have any information for you. >> reporter: the driver of that bmw was his 22-year-old son, elliot. >> santa barbara sherriff bill brown is calling the mass shooting the work of a madman but says at this time the threat appears to be over and the suspect is dead. >> reporter: seven people died that night, including the shooter, elliot rodger. 13 others were hospitalized. for peter rodger, those memories are a waking nightmare. >> how are you? >> every night i go to sleep, i wake up and i think of those

young men and young women that have died and are injured and were terrorized when my son did that. >> when you wake up in the morning, what do you think? >> it's like a reverse nightmare situation. when you go to sleep normally, you have a nightmare and you wake up and, "oh, everything's okay." >> yeah. >> now i go to sleep, i might have a nice dream. and then i wake up and it's slowly, the truth of what happened dawns on me. and you know, that is that my -- my son was a mass murderer. and then i think about the victims and i think about what he did. and i try to process it. >> reporter: but who was the young man behind the rampage? and why did he do it? >> hi, elliot rodger here.

>> were there clues in the disturbing jigsaw of videos he left behind? and what would his 137 page so called "manifesto" reveal about the private agony of a psychotic mind? its title, "my twisted world." >> this is the story of how i, elliot rodger, came to be. it is a story of a war against cruel injustice. this tragedy did not have to happen, but humanity forced my hand. >> reporter: elliot rodger was born in london and was brought to america at the age of five. his malaysian-born mother, li chin, was a unit nurse on the movie "indiana jones and the last crusade." his father directed television commercials and worked on the hit film "hunger games." in the beginning, elliot had a seemingly normal childhood. >> he was adorable. and he would laugh so much that sometimes we were worried he would choke. it was really wondrous, those first four, five years of his life. it was wondrous. >> you loved elliot.

>> i loved elliot. >> elliot loved you. >> i -- yeah. >> reporter: but at the age of 7, elliot's parents got divorced. one year later, his father had remarried. this time to moroccan born soumaya akaaboune, an actress who appeared in the hollywood blockbuster, "green zone." it was during those years that 7-year-old elliot began his long treatment in therapy. >> why did you think he needed it? >> when we realized he had social issues, we brought therapists in to try and help him integrate into society. >> did he have trouble with other children, with making friends -- >> yes. he had very few friends in elementary school. because he was a very, very, very, very shy -- shy boy. and we just felt that that was his issue. >> reporter: on the surface, elliot seemed destined for a life of success and privilege. peter rodger's work gave his son access to hollywood's elite.

from an early age, it was a world he longed to join. >> my little 9-year-old self realized that there were hierarchies, that some people were better than others. jealousy and envy, those are two feelings that would dominate my entire life and bring me immense pain. >> reporter: by any standard, the rodger family was living "the good life." but those tantalizing glimpses into hollywood's inner circle would always leave him resentful and wanting more. >> did he blame you for the fact that he wasn't a rich kid? >> he just had illusions of grandeur. even if he couldn't make it himself he wanted to feel in a position where we would somehow provide it for him. >> reporter: the relationship elliot shared with his father had always been complicated. peter elliot was the mount everest his son could never reach. you are a very good-looking man.

did he realize that? did that please him? was he -- >> he was jealous of me and -- the way that i looked. >> reporter: the shy, young boy had always harbored fear and self doubt. his parents moved him from school to school. hoping, but never succeeding, to help elliot fit in. there was some question about whether elliot was autistic. >> he was never formally diagnosed. there was a suggestion that he might have been high-functioning asperger's. and you know, these were because of traits. for instance, there was a certain o.c.d. about him. there was a certain, you know, like he'd always put his plate in the same place. he liked to wear the same clothes every day. elliot really was -- a very high-functioning human being. if he were sitting here right now, you would think, "what a polite boy he was." but yet, he had this thing going on inside of him. >> reporter: what his parents didn't know was that elliot, even at the age of 10, was hiding a secret that would someday transform a shy young child into a cold blooded killer.

>> this is the horror story. this is the american horror story, or the world's horror story, is when you have somebody who on the outside is one thing and on the inside is something completely different. and you don't see it. next, did his parents not see the warning signs hiding in plain sight? >> and you missed it? >> when "20/20" returns. [ male announcer ] if you can clear a table [ sneezes ] without lifting a finger, you may be muddling through allergies. try zyrtec® for powerful allergy relief. and zyrtec® is different than claritin® because it starts working faster on the first day you take it. ♪ zyrtec®. muddle no more™. [ female announcer ] and now introducing

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"20/20" continues. once again, barbara walters. >> reporter: when the story about elliot's shooting spree first broke, the videos and so-called "manifesto" he left behind provided a rare glimpse into a mind broken by mental illness.

>> check it out. there's me. >> reporter: at first glance, elliot rodger seemed like any other college age kid. >> look at how fabulous i look. >> reporter: bragging about designer clothes. >> $300, giorgio armani. >> reporter: posing for selfies scored to retro pop. ♪ but the path elliot was walking took him to the dark side of his mind. >> my problem is girls. i desire girls. but girls are not sexually attracted to me. it's not fair. it's not fair. >> reporter: but why did those closest to him fail to see any warning signs when it seemed clear that elliot was mentally disturbed? people have called your son "evil." how would you describe elliot? >> elliot was far from evil. something happened to him.

i think he became very mentally ill. what i don't get is, we didn't see this coming at all. none of us. >> reporter: but there were clues hidden in those early years that peter rodger now admits he missed. the lonely young boy had grown into an introverted teenager. by the age of 13, he had walled himself into a cyber world. his constant companions, the characters in the video game "world of warcraft." in high school, elliot was a loner. bullied by his peers. they threw food at him during lunch and shoved him into lockers. >> i was an innocent, scared little boy trapped in a jungle full of malicious predators, and i was shown no mercy. >> he was afraid of boys and girls? >> he felt he had an inability to get along with them. and this is when we realized that he had a real fear of other human beings, of other kids his age.

>> reporter: elliot fled from two high schools before finding refuge at a tiny 100-student school called independence high. a school with a mission to help troubled children like the boy they called "our elliot." >> there was never a time in working with him or knowing him that i ever felt like his inability to interact socially would ever have led me to believe that this kind of rage was building inside of him. never. >> reporter: but the isolation hid a firestorm of frustration and anger. its target during those teen years was sex. >> finding out about sex is one of the things that truly destroyed my entire life. sex, the very word fills me with hate. i would always covet it, i would always fantasize about it. but i would never get it. >> reporter: elliot had always been fascinated and repelled by sex. his first glimpse of pornography horrified him.

>> i couldn't imagine human beings doing such things with each other. the sight was shocking and arousing. i was quite shaken for a few days. >> did you talk to elliot about sex? >> yeah. >> what did you say? >> how it's so important to present yourself as a human being from the heart outwards, and not to be weird -- and i say weird because it is weird when you think girls are going to throw themselves at you. >> as a teenager, he described his interest in girls, but he said -- i'm quoting again -- "there is no way i could ever get them. and so my starvation began." did he talk about this? >> he was always obsessive about this one issue. >> obsessive about which issue? >> about not getting a girlfriend. >> finding a girlfriend. >> yeah. but here's the thing. according to this journal, and according to his acts, he was already planning heinous things in response to this emotional thing in his head that none of us could really see.

>> reporter: elliot was tormented by the sight of pretty girls and public affection. even his favorite haven at the griffith park observatory became a reminder of failure. >> i don't understand you girls. it's like your sexual attraction is flawed. it's perverted. you're attracted to the wrong kind of guy. you should be attracted to guys like me, beautiful, magnificent guys. >> i saw sex as an evil and barbaric act, all because i was unable to have it. this was the major turning point. if i can't have it, i will destroy it. >> if elliot had had the sex that he says he wanted so much, would things have been different? >> i don't think so because i think he had a condition. he had a very seriously -- advanced mental condition, and i think that whatever would have happened even if he got a girlfriend wouldn't have been

able to have made him into the happy human being we wanted him to be. >> did you take him to las vegas hoping that he would lose his virginity? >> i suggested to him that perhaps, you know, if his blocking point was having sex then perhaps, you know, in las vegas there might be an opportunity where it's legal for him to have sex. >> but he didn't want to go? >> he didn't want to go because he wanted to be loved for his heart. retrospectively, i think it wouldn't have help at all. >> it wouldn't have? >> no, because retrospectively i realize how sick he was. >> but you know you can have these same things and not have another elliot. you can have kids who -- >> of course. >> -- are frustrated and don't have girlfriends or boyfriends or -- you know and -- >> no, but when you put the combination together, there's a certain pattern. and i think it's important to talk about those patterns. >> and you missed it. >> yeah. yeah, too right i missed it. i wish i could turn the clock

back for the -- for the victims. for our family. for all of those -- all the scars out there. >> reporter: by the time elliot reached his 18th birthday, the shy young boy had vanished, leaving only resentment and anger. too terrified to approach young women, it was easier to hate them. >> that's a problem that i intend to rectify. i, in all my magnificence and power, i will not let this fly. it's an injustice that needs to be dealt with. next, planting the seeds of a master plot for his day of retribution.

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we return to the secret life of elliot rodger. once more, barbara walters. >> reporter: for elliot rodger, santa barbara was the picture perfect version of his ideal life. >> there were hot blonde girls walking around everywhere. if i can't get laid there, then there is no hope for me at all. >> reporter: at 19, elliot was stuck in a cycle of isolation and depression. his parents thought college life would give him a fresh start. you thought that he would have the coping skills to live alone? >> i thought that by putting him out there -- and giving him

independence and integrating him into a normal society would very quickly help develop the skills that i thought was lacking in him. >> did you inform anyone either at the college or the parents of his roommates that he had mental problems? >> i didn't see any reason to because as far as i was concerned he wasn't a threat to himself or anybody else. >> reporter: but left to his own devices, elliot rodger's behavior would soon escalate from strange to savage. simon astaire is a longtime friend of peter's. >> i got the sense of a boy who was unable to communicate. >> so that there were signs, you thought, of maladjustment? >> he was unable to engage and it was difficult to engage. and i saw loads of people trying to engage with him. >> reporter: but soon, the old resentments would return.

enraged by the sight of young lovers, he acted out for the first time -- throwing coffee on one kissing couple at starbucks. >> i had never struck back at my enemies before, and i felt a small sense of spiteful gratification for doing so. >> reporter: feeding on that fulfillment, his thoughts began to take a more diabolical and dangerous turn. "the day of retribution" had been born. >> it was only when i first moved to santa barbara that i started considering the possibility of having to carry out a violent act of revenge, as the final solution to dealing with all the injustices i've had to face at the hands of women and society. >> reporter: his anger, now targeted at women, drew him to misogynistic websites -- online forums where he once wrote, "start envisioning a world where women fear you." he sent you links to these websites. >> i was disgusted. and i called him up and i said, "elliot, why are you going on these websites?

this is negative, this is -- evil. and you shouldn't go on there." >> that didn't work? >> it didn't work. and i had no idea that he had such an imbed hatred, this misogyny. >> reporter: but despite his deepening hatred of women, elliot told his father he was obsessed about losing his virginity. >> i would say to him, there is no shame at all in not losing your virginity at a later age. some people never do. some people go into the church and choose chastity." >> and he would say, "i can't get a girlfriend"? >> he did say to me once i wish i wasn't half asian. i never realized that he was so racist. >> thinking, "why aren't i white?" >> correct. >> reporter: elliot's life had become a volatile mixture of desire and denial.

and last summer, yet another sign of violence. frustrated after being ignored by girls at a party, he tried to shove them off a ten-foot ledge. >> he got into an altercation verbally with a couple of girls. and then he was picked on and then he was thrown off a balcony. >> but it turns out that he was trying to push girls off the ledge? >> in 20/20 hindsight, i can imagine that might have been the case and that upsets me to the core of my heart. he was such a good liar. he was such an incredible liar. >> reporter: perhaps elliot was even lying to himself. repeatedly refusing the advice of therapists at least one of whom had recommended medication. >> but elliot would say, "i'm not sick. i'm not going to take that."

and because he was of an adult age, he refused to not only take that medication, but refused to go back to see that particular doctor. >> would the medication have made a difference? >> according to his doctor it would have made a hell of a lot of difference. >> there are people who say that a father with a mentally unstable son should not have allowed elliot to live on his own. >> i didn't know i had a mentally ill son. i had no idea. he had a secret life that he became incredibly brilliant at hiding. >> hey, elliot rodger here. >> reporter: but that secret life was spinning out of control. >> here's me in all my fabulousness. >> reporter: with no official diagnosis of mental illness, he bought not one not one, but three handguns. elliot had launched his plan for retribution day. >> as i fired my first few rounds, i felt so sick to my stomach. there i was, practicing shooting with real guns because i had a plan to carry out a massacre. why did things have to be this way?

this is my place of refuge. >> reporter: then a pivotal moment when elliot's plot might have been completely foiled. his mother finding one of those bizarre videos on youtube. >> my life is so lonely and mundane. >> she wanted to have a mental assessment of him. it just turns out that there is no way that you can actually do that unless he voluntarily does it or unless he commits a crime. >> did elliot volunteer? would he have done it? >> no. >> he didn't? >> of course not. >> she alerted the police, yes, and what happened? >> six officers arrived at elliot's apartment and knocked on the door. and elliot was a very, very polite, kind, well-spoken, well-dressed individual. and he managed to say, "you've got nothing to worry about." >> if they had demanded to search my room that would have ended everything.

for a few horrible seconds, i thought it was all over. >> reporter: but the police neither watched the youtube videos nor ran a background check for purchasing guns. >> and this is where the system i think failed. if somebody's going to do a welfare check, surely they should do a gun check on the way. because how is somebody going to do something to themselves if they don't -- if they feel they're a danger? it takes 90 seconds to do a gun check. and his whole scheme would've been over and thwarted. i want to make something very clear, barbara. i'm really not pointing any fingers at the santa barbara police department. >> reporter: that was the turning point between life and death. a missed moment that began the countdown to elliot's day of retribution. >> well, this is my last video. it has all come to this. the day in which i will have my revenge against humanity,

against all of you. next, three years of planning finally becoming eight minutes of madness. witnesses, survivors. >> he shot and i felt it pass by my face. >> and the surprise murder he didn't go through with. that's next.

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dad: he's our broker. he helps? look after all our money. kid: do you pay him? dad: of course. kid: how much? dad: i don't know exactly. kid: what if you're not happy? does he have to pay you back? dad: nope. kid: why not? dad: it doesn't work that way. kid: why not? vo: are you asking enough questions about the way your wealth is managed? wealth management at charles schwab. >> reporter: may 23, 2014. the sun was setting on a quiet spring night.

the campus, half empty over the memorial day weekend. but the lives of those who were there would never be the same. >> hours before we were having a great time. it was a nice day outside, it was sunny, you know. >> reporter: after three years of meticulous planning, elliot rodger's deranged mind brought him to what he called "the day of retribution." >> the day in which i will have my revenge against humanity, against all of you. >> reporter: his parents were having dinner in los angeles with friends. they had plans to see elliot the next day. >> he was due to come on saturday for lunch. the day after the 24th. >> do you think he already knew what he was going to do? >> yeah, after reading the journals, yeah, i do. >> reporter: what elliot's journal revealed was a masterplan of carnage. >> i will drive down to my father's house to kill my little brother, denying him of the chance to grow up to surpass me,

along with my stepmother soumaya, as she will be in the way. my father will be away on one of his business trips, so thankfully i won't have to deal with him. >> i was meant to have a meeting in london, and he wanted to know the dates. >> why? >> he wanted me out of town so that he could come and murder his brother and soumaya. i think he was scared that he would hesitate, and i can understand that. >> reporter: the only thing that saved his family's lives was a change in peter's schedule. >> my wife and jazz, my 9-year-old are still alive because of that. >> reporter: what peter rodger didn't know was that his son had already murdered three people that night. his two roommates, david wang and james hong and their visiting friend, george chen. they had been brutally stabbed to death in elliot's beachside apartment. hours later at 9:17 p.m. elliot

e-mailed his manifesto to friends, his therapist and his parents. >> i will specifically target the good-looking people, and all of the couples. >> reporter: now, he was a predator in search of the rest of his prey. >> i'll be a god, exacting my retribution. just for the crime of living a better life than me. >> reporter: his black bmw slowed down by a sorority, alpha pfee. elliot knocked at the door. no answer. then got back in his car and opened fire on girls in front of alpha phee. >> two of the women were dead on arrival of the deputies. one of them was very seriously injured with multiple gunshots. >> reporter: at the sheriff's dispatch center, the calls poured in like rain. >> we have three down on the corner of segovia. it's a black bmw. three ambulances here. >> almost simultaneously, we received notification that another individual had been

shot. >> response for multiple gunshot victims in front of the iv deli. >> at the isla vista deli, just up the street. >> reporter: dylan fontiyas had just entered the deli. >> i heard the glass breaking. just the shatter of the glass. and that's when we all started scrambling for our life. >> reporter: when christopher martinez came in for a sandwich, he was cut down in a hail of gunfire. >> shots fired. shots fired. >> i had just turned. i saw him fall. i kind of like tucked my hand over my head and turned down and ducked behind the counter. we sat there, and watched this kid bleed to death. he was no less than two feet away from me. >> reporter: but the rampage was far from over. >> the deadly shooting in isla vista with multiple victims. >> three people have been shot. >> all of a sudden sirens start going, ambulances start going. multiple places, multiple people. >> the death toll could be climbing. >> he went up to the top of the loop firing. he shot three more victims. >> i'll take to the streets of isla vista and slay every single person i see there.

>> he then confronted another young woman, and pointed his gun at her. >> reporter: at first, sierra schwartz thought the gun was a toy. >> he shot and i felt like -- i just felt the wind like pass right by my face and i was like what the- so i turned around and i started like walking really fast the other way. >> reporter: the deadly bmw was swerving erratically through the streets. >> people were like, "they're shooting! they're shooting!" >> reporter: drawing gunfire from officers. >> he fired rounds at the deputy sheriff. and the deputy sheriff replied with one round of gunfire. >> about 8 to 12 shots just super-fast were fired what sounded like directly, directly below my balcony. >> reporter: that black bmw plowed it's way over pedestrians. >> some guy ran into our house bleeding everywhere. said he got run over by a car. >> reporter: there was carnage and chaos everywhere. >> as many as seven victims taken to the hospital.

>> reporter: but after deputies fired on him for the second time, elliot's car spun out of control. >> three of the deputies returned fire, and struck the vehicle. >> reporter: witnesses say they heard a single shot from inside the car. the long night's journey into terror had finally come to a close. >> did elliot kill himself, or did the police kill him? >> what i gather is that he was shot in the hip, and then he took his own life. >> how did you learn that your son was the shooter? >> the sheriff came. i'll remember this forever the rest of my life. the way, you know, he just looked me in the eye, and he said, "we've found a deceased person, and we found a license in his pocket that fits your son's description." and i went -- oh. i did not know that he was the

perpetrator. i thought he was a victim. >> you did not know then? >> i thought he was a victim. >> reporter: a search of elliot's bmw revealed an arsenal. three semiautomatic weapons and 400 bullets. elliot had been ready for armageddon. >> who would have thought my life will turn out this way? i didn't start this war, but i will finish it by striking back. finally, at long last, i can show the world my true worth. >> reporter: in the end, seven people lost their lives, 13 were wounded. it took less than eight minutes to transform one square mile of suburbia into a killing field. >> i've never actually, literally looked in the face of the devil, you know? which is terrifying. >> reporter: in life, elliot rodger had passed almost invisible to everyone around him. who would have known to stop the quiet boy hiding a monster within?

>> he lived, like, a 20-second walk from my house and i've never seen the kid in my life. he went to the same school, we ate at all the same places, but i -- you know, he's just another face in the crowd. next -- >> we have heard from the families of some of the victims, and they resent my interviewing you, because they hold you responsible in part for their children's death. >> would you feel the same way? let us know on twitter. ked for . because what we all really want... ...is more. there's a reason it's called an "all you can eat" buffet. and not a "have just a little buffet". that's the idea behind the more everything plan. it's more of everything you want. for less. plus, get the droid maxx by motorola for 0 down.

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"20/20" contues. once again, barbara walters. >> reporter: isla vista, a picturesque college community was shattered by grief. >> i just don't know why this happened to our son. it's crazy. this just doesn't make any sense. >> reporter: her son, george chen, was only 19. >> we would die a hundred times, a thousand times. but we don't want our kids get hurt. >> reporter: a junior at uc santa barbara, george chen was visiting his friends david wang and james hong, who were elliot rodger's roommates. the boys dreamed of one day starting a computer business together. and there are the two sorority sisters headed home that night from a day of senior week

activities, excited about the summer ahead and looking forward to a future that will now never come. katherine cooper dreamed of being a museum curator. >> she was very bubbly and she had that smile that she just made you smile. she was the brightest girl in the room. >> reporter: her math whiz sorority sister, veronica weiss, was described as wise beyond her 19 years. >> if it had been somebody else, she'd be the one here picking us up right now. >> reporter: have you reached out to the victims? to the families? >> i haven't reached out to them because i think that they needed to have space and time. and i think it would have been inappropriate. >> reporter: chin roger, elliot's mother, has chosen to remain silent instead telling us in a statement, "i feel the world's attention should be focused on supporting the victims' loved ones and remembering the beautiful lives that were so tragically lost."

we have heard from the families of some of the victims, and they resent my interviewing you because they hold you responsible in part for their children's death. what do you say to them? >> i wish i could turn back the clock. i wish that these families didn't have to go through this terrible ordeal. it's very hard for them to understand that i didn't know the monster that was in my son. >> reporter: but one parent did reach out. just weeks after that night, rodger met with richard martinez two fathers embracing, searching for common ground. >> it was the most moving meeting i've ever had in my life. >> reporter: martinez's son christopher was 20 years old when he became the last of elliot rodger's victims shot as he was entering that deli. he was an only child? >> he was our only child yes. he was quiet, kind, humble,

graceful, funny. and at the same time, one of the most competitive people you would ever meet. >> reporter: in the aftermath of his tragic loss, martinez made an impassioned speech blaming the nra for his son's death. >> they talk about gun rights what about chris' right to live? when will this insanity stop? when will enough people say, we don't have to live like this? too many have died! we should say to ourselves, not one more! thank you. that's it. >> reporter: martinez is spending his time now focusing on a campaign to bring about what he calls common sense laws to reduce gun violence. >> no parent should have to go through this. the only thing i have left really is to try to find some meaning in my son's death.

>> reporter: why did you decide that you would speak out? what do you hope that will accomplish? >> well, there are holes in the mental health system. >> reporter: in death as in life, his relationship with his son remains complicated. do you feel like your son should have never been born? >> that's a loaded question. but part of me says yes. the reason is, he did bring a lot of harm to young men and women that didn't deserve to die. and my son did it. >> reporter: how do you mourn a

child whom others vilify? >> it's very hard, barbara. after reading the journal, i had a lot of anger for him. and i think my job now is to try and replace that anger with love and forgiveness. but at the same time i'm also haunted by the pain and the suffering and the terrorizing that this sick human being did to others. and i have to live that with that for the rest of my life. we thank peter for opening up his family's life to us. if you have a child who you think needs mental health advise, go to our

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we're back here tonight with a personal note about my friend david muir. big news, diane sawyer is starting a new venture here at abc

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