from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- sarah silverman. taraji p. henson. "mean tweets: nfl edition." and music from hunter hayes. with cleto and the cletones. and now, if it's all right with you, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] i appreciate that. welcome. i'm jimmy. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i cherish you.

i'm glad you're in an enthusiastic mood. we have a very good show planned for you tonight. sarah silverman is on the show. for those of you who don't know. sarah and i dated -- during the whole paris hilton administration. we dated. [ laughter ] and we broke up. but we're cool. i hope we're cool, otherwise this is going to be very awkward. seriously, i'm especially glad that sarah's here tonight. we lost a comedy legend today. the great joan rivers passed away today. she was 81 years old. besides being a pioneer for women in comedy, joan was a lucky person because she loved her job so much. she never wanted to stop. she didn't have to stop because she was so great at it. i had the good fortune of having joan on the show, i think like six times. i want to show a clip from the last time she was here. she was so funny. keep in mind when you see this, this woman is 80 years old in this. what does your grandson want to do when he grows up? does he know yet? >> right now, he's 10.

he wants to be a football player. but it's stupid. >> jimmy: what do you want him to be? >> gay. >> jimmy: you want him to be gay? >> i want him to be gay. who else is going to give a damn that i knew judy garland? [ laughter ] grandma, tell me all about judy garland. [ laughter ] melissa's adopting now. >> jimmy: she is? that has to be exciting. >> a very good friend of nicole kidman's. >> jimmy: okay. >> gorgeous. no humor. but god bless her. 125 feet tall. three pounds. always in a red dress with a white face. looks like a ketchup bottle. [ laughter ] walks around -- [ laughter ] no humor. i mean, it must have -- i was wearing a mustard dress. we're condiments. >> jimmy: she was something else. my thoughts go out to melissa and her grandson. there's less pressure on him to be gay now.

there's less pressure for all of us to be gay. we will miss you, joan. a new cast of "dancing with the stars" was revealed today. should i hold for applause? [ cheers and applause ] we're all a little down. i understand. this year's cast includes olympian lolo jones. mma fighter, randy couture, tommy chong and the guy who played carlton on "the fresh prince of bel air." alfonso ribeiro has a tough choice to make. when does he break out the carlton dance? he'll do it for sure, right? do you do it during the premiere? on the first show? do you give people what they want? or do you make us wait? do you dangle it in front of us like the most delicious carrot imaginable? dragging us along for months until finally giving us the

thrill of our lives in the grand finale against lolo jones. jaleel white was on the show a couple of years ago. he waited and he never got to do the urkel dance. tommy chong is partnered with one of the dancers, peta murgatroyd, who must be thrilled to be partnered with tommy chong. oh, good, i get to dance with a 75-year-old stoner. tommy's scores will not be high. but he most certainly will be. and another big announcement here today at abc. two new co-hosts on "the view," whoopi goldberg and rosie o'donnell, will be joined by nicolle wallace, and actress rosie perez will be part of the shouting, too. there will be two rosies on one show. does that make sense? [ laughter ] you think of the poor guy who has to write the

closed captioning. that's going to be a nightmare. the retired host, barbara walters, planned to come back to the show for one morning, to beat the new co-hosts with a pillowcase full of soap. that's how she do. [ laughter ] we have a very talented musical guest here tonight. a young man by the name of hunter hayes. he's only 22 years old. [ cheers and applause ] four grammy awards. and he plays more than 30 musical instruments. that seems like -- that's too many, right? i didn't know there were 30 musical instruments. but there are. he plays all of them. and here, now, to prove it to us, please welcome hunter hayes. hunter? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> i think you might have took this a bit literal. >> jimmy: all right.

>> yeah. >> jimmy: you don't play them all at once? >> i kind of prefer not to. but i'll keep going if you want me to. i'll keep going. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll figure it out and get back to you a little bit later. >> that's a better idea. i like that. >> jimmy: hunter hayes, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] his parents must have spent a fortune on lessons. this is funny. you know how you do your laundry and somehow you wind up a sock short? single socks disappear. no one knows what happened to them. we may have unlocked the secret on one of life's most mysterious puzzles. a great dane in portland, oregon, was rushed to the hospital where x-rays showed he had 43 1/2 socks in his stomach. he ate all of those socks. [ laughter ] 43 1/2 socks. that's a lot of weight watchers points. if you're missing a sock at your

house, you probably have a tiny great dane hiding somewhere in there. check everywhere. here in l.a., one of our biggest -- if not the biggest frustration, is traffic. traffic is bad. and it agitates people. and i assumed that los angelenos were the most stressed out drivers in the world. until i saw this video that was posted to youtube by a commuter in montreal. >> you wake up good in the morning. you know, you wake up in the morning happy, doing good to go to work. and then, when you -- at 6:00 in the morning, at 6:00, there's traffic. at 6:00 in the morning. not even at 7:00. to me, it's -- it freaks me out. the fact that there's no way of fixing it. and anywhere you go, anywhere you go, there's [ bleep ] traffic. [ laughter ] who the [ bleep ] made this city?

who made this city? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's terrifying. [ cheers and applause ] who did make this city? you know what? he would be a good new co-host for "the view." [ laughter ] here's something i hope you will enjoy as much as i did. this is from yesterday's dodgers game. dodgers playing the washington nationals. look at what the camera in the -- the side of the screen, as pitcher -- [ laughter ] relaxing on the dodgers' biggest fan. let's take a closer look because -- [ laughter ] people photographing this guy. i n't know that i've ever relaxed as hard as this man is. he has two dos equis next to him. maybe he's the new most interesting man in the world. [ laughter ] a blog that posted this photo, tweet said, bring that up there. look at the bottom. yes, this is a jimmy kimmel prank, i'm willing to bet money on it. [ laughter ]

let me assure you that -- although i wish i had, i had nothing to do with this. how is that even a prank? [ laughter ] that's just a very confident man, amidst the wonder of our national pastime. a lot of local news programs, now, like to give the appearance of being interactive on social media. they'll post viewer tweets at the bottom of the screen. you'll see, you know, tweets come up on the subject of what they're commenting on. this happened during the sports report on the fox channel on houston's evening news. they were doing a story on michael sam, the first openly gay player in the nfl. he was cut by the rams. he was signed by the dallas cowboys. keep your eye on the bottom of the screen. >> the team that finished fourth in williamsport, pennsylvania. the coaches will never forget.

>> jimmy: tony romo, still the gayest player on the cowgirls. somebody at the station found that online and thought, let's put this up. i think their peabody award is in danger. that brings us to the following subject. the nfl season kicked off officially tonight. it's that magical time of the year when millions of americans transition from checking facebook at work all day to checking their fantasy football lineups all day at work. and nfl players seem to be tough. and they are tough guys. but they're also human. i think sometimes sports fans lose sight of that. in the old days, you'd go to the game and you'd yell things at the players on the field. nowadays, you can post nasty comments on twitter or whatever all the time. so, as a service to both the players and fans, we collected some of these nasty comments on twitter and put them all together for this very special, "mean tweets: nfl edition." [ cheers and applause ]

>> the fact that it a celebration is a penalty pisses me off. thanks, terrell owens, you piece of [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> [ bleep ] you dwight freeney. i hope you break ribs off in the game. really? >> deshawn jackson is like, no matter how much money he makes, he won't stop shopping at express. >> deshawn golston is a -- >> dez bryant is a baby back bitch. >> keyshawn johnson must have ate the guys who used to cover him. fat bastard. hey, whatever. >> michael strahan's teeth are having a middle school dance with where the boys stand on one side of the room and the girls stand on the other side. >> did brandon marshall really cry in his postgame interview? grow some balls, bro.

[ laughter ] >> isn't steve smith like 50 years old? no. actually, i'm 35. >> terrell suggs looks like a penis. [ laughter ] >> hopefully a ball to your temple will knock the stupid out of you. >> i once caught a football. dot, dot, dot. lol, j.k. >> i hope he blows a hamstring tonight. that's not nice. >> clay matthews is a bitch. not playing to your thug. chalk that thing the [ bleep ] off and get in there. >> malcolm smith, you just won the [ bleep ] award? i'm a super bowl mvp. who the [ bleep ] are you? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, nfl luminaries. tonight on the show, we have music from hunter hayes.

taraji p. henson is here. and we'll be right back with sarah silverman. so, stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ eenie. meenie. miney. go.

more adventures await in the seven-passenger lexus gx. see your lexus dealer. hi! can i help you? i'm looking for a phone plan. it has to be a great one, and i don't compromise. ok, how about 10 gigs of data to share, unlimited talk and text, and you can choose from 2 to 10 lines. wow, sounds like a great deal. so i'm getting exactly what i want, then? appears so. now, um, i'm not too sure what to do with my arms right now 'cause this is when i usually start throwing things. oh, that's terrifying at&t's best-ever pricing. 2-10 lines, 10 gigs of truly shareable data, unlimited talk and text, starting at $130 a month.

(vo) ours is a world of the red-eyes. (daughter) i'm really tired. (vo) the transfers. well, that's kid number three. (vo) the co-pilots. all sitting... ...trusting... ...waiting...val. ...for a safe arrival. introducing the all-new subaru legacy. designed to help the driver in you... ...care for the passenger in them. the subaru legacy. it's not just a sedan. it's a subaru. nds] the wait is over for even faster internet. xfinity is now doubling the internet speed... ...on two of our most popular plans. xfinity continues to innovate, bringing you the fastest, most reliable internet...period.

xfinity internet from comcast, now double the speed.

jenny jenny carlos alex carlos good morning burrito team! we set out to make a bigger, tastier breakfast burrito and i think we nailed it. introducing bigger, better breakfast burritos. the grande sausage, packed with hash browns, sausage, and creamy sriracha sauce and the meat lovers, sburritos so big, they make severything look smaller.a warm guerrero tortilla.g, they make

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, hello again. tonight, from the movie, "no good deed," which is a very scary movie. opens next friday. taraji p. henson is here. [ cheers and applause ] and then, he's only 22, and he's already a four-time grammy nominee. this is his latest album called "storyline." hunter hayes from the at&t outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] when i'm at home on the weekends, i wear the same outfit. [ laughter ] tomorrow, terry bradshaw will be with us. the trailer park boys will be here. and we'll have music from the kooks. join us for a new show tomorrow night. two weeks ago, our first guest won her second emmy, and accepted her award barefoot, like a kenyan marathon runner. her new comedy album, "sarah silverman: we are miracles"

comes out september 23rd. please welcome sarah silverman. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> how am i? i am broken inside. >> jimmy: i know you are because we broke up. oh, no. not because of that. [ laughter ] i know. because joan rivers was a friend of yours. and somebody that you idolized. >> yes. she was a hero to me. and i loved her very much. a lot of people, when they die at 81. you go, she was 81. she had an amazing life. but she wasn't done. she's, right now, was at her most vital -- >> jimmy: really was. >> i mean, my god.

i tune into "fashion police" every friday because they were the most hardcore jokes on tv. >> jimmy: sometimes you go like, oh, my goodness. yeah. and coming from an old -- a little old lady, made them pack even more punch. >> never stopped writing. and i -- i know that if she was here, she would want us to be here and be funny. and she'd probably want me to say, like, nice tie, who made it? calvin clown? i like that shirt. does it come in men's? oh, my god, jimmy. i love your hair. you have to tell me where you bought it. that's for you, joan. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know, i bought it from your back. [ laughter ] >> touche, my friend. >> jimmy: i think that's the way joan would have wanted it.

not a reverent person. >> from your back. >> jimmy: i -- we were talking about joan today. and she sent you a nice e-mail after you won the emmy. >> that was last tuesday. >> jimmy: very sweet like that. a lot of people are -- you know, comics are coming up. they're resentful because, like, these are the new people. and i'm out. but joan was not like that at all. >> well, she loved, with her whole heart. and she also hated with her whole heart, which i loved. >> jimmy: you consider yourself very fortunate if you were on the loved side. >> yeah. you didn't want to get on her bad side. >> jimmy: that was quite a night, that emmy you won there. first of all, you seemed totally unprepared. >> i was unprepared. even my manager was like, you're not going to win. >> jimmy: really? >> i mean, i didn't even have shoes on. i had taken my shoes off. i was sitting indian style. is that politically correct? >> jimmy: native american style.

>> i had my feet in the thing. >> jimmy: were you really? >> yeah. i was enjoying the show. i love the emmys because i love television. but they called my name. and amy and i looked at each other like, what? >> jimmy: i felt certain that you were going to win. >> really? >> jimmy: i looked at the list of nominees. >> i voted for amy and tina. >> jimmy: you thought they were going to win that category and you wouldn't have to worry about it. >> they were unbelievable on the golden globes. >> jimmy: you won the emmy. this is from the preshow at the emmys, i believe from e! network. >> all right. what's in it? can i look in here? >> i can't believe you're letting me look at it. >> this is your phone case. that's cute. >> this is -- my pot. liquid pot. >> okay. >> jimmy: now, why, first of all, would you let giuliana rancic go through your purse? >> i didn't know there was going

to be a clutch cam. and i have no shame about it. it's not a big deal to me. pot is legal here. and i like to have a little puff-a-roony at the end of the night. it was so crazy, big bananas, big deal that i had a pot thing. meanwhile, i have to walk around the emmys in a sea of drunken, terrifying scary people. you know i'm afraid of drunk people. >> jimmy: you are afraid of drunk people. >> i don't like it. but a little puff at the end of the night, like a lady. plus, i have a prescription. i have a serious medical condition. >> jimmy: what is your medical condition? >> i have a -- i have a condition that makes me not realize how delicious pop-tarts are. >> jimmy: you do? >> yes. and also that reruns of "the nanny" are funny. [ laughter ]

and i mean -- pot makes you really funny. >> jimmy: do you really think that pot makes you funny? >> no. pot makes you funny. >> jimmy: oh. [ cheers and applause ] now, since i feel like you were, in a way, unfairly represented there. all we saw from your purse was that pipe. and there are many other things in your purse that are not -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: pot. >> just regular purse things. >> jimmy: is this your clutch right here? >> that's the clutch. >> jimmy: cute clutch. where did you get this? >> isn't it fun? >> jimmy: did your new boyfriend buy this for you? >> we'll get to him later. >> jimmy: do you mind if i go through this? you let giuliana rancic do it. what's this? >> i stole that from idris elba. >> jimmy: all right. >> i have to return that. >> jimmy: this has not been around for like eight years. do you mind if i open this?

>> it's "space jam." >> jimmy: oh, it is. oh, yeah. it really is "space jam." [ laughter ] okay. what else do we have here? that seems bad. >> oh, no. it's not a gun. this is where i -- i do this -- >> jimmy: while you're pointing it at me. yeah. >> we'll cut the fat out. >> jimmy: no problem. is there something in there? >> there's a joke in there. >> jimmy: all right. don't worry about it. it's fine. >> this will be such a sad way for you to die. >> jimmy: somebody watching at home with the sound off, it seems like i'm being taken hostage. >> wait. hold on. >> jimmy: what? >> we have to get this bit right. it's not worth it. >> jimmy: not even close. >> i know. it's attached to it. >> jimmy: it doesn't matter. oh, look at these. [ laughter ] >> those are condoms. >> jimmy: yes. there's a lot of them here.

>> you guys -- [ applause ] i like to -- i give them to homeless people, before they have sex with me. because we're dirty. >> jimmy: that's very sweet. and what else do we have in here? a picture -- that's very nice. oh, that's nice. what is this, exactly? >> that is, jimmy, that's nicki and eric's wedding. i think that's soon to be their 15th wedding anniversary. >> jimmy: and there i am -- >> i like to think of that as your finest moment. >> jimmy: yes. >> i'm sorry. your fattest moment. >> jimmy: i'm glad we were able to get through all that stuff. we'll go back and fix the whole thing. the gun was supposed to have pills in it. >> it has pills in it. >> jimmy: it's okay. sarah silverman is here. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]

into one you'll never forget. earn triple points when you book with the expedia app. expedia plus rewards.

claritin-d presents two allergy sufferers. one tried nasacort, which could take up to a week to feel maximum nasal symptom relief. the other took claritin-d,which starts to work on allergies in 30 minutes. the moral: nothing works faster than claritin-d hey, what are you drinking? i'll take a redd's strawberry ale! what? redd's! i think he wants this. redd's strawberry ale. fresh like a strawberry. brewed like an ale. t-mobile's network has more data capacity than verizon or at&t. it's a network designed differently. a network designed data strong.

uh, hi. i'm here to drop off my password? . i'm sorry, i'm just here to what's the password. uh,synergy? datafication! gamification! university of phoenix has had alumni at every fortune 100 company... ...so we can help open the door to your future. go to phoenix.edu to get started today.

♪ ♪ altuzarra for target available september 14th.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, hello there. we're back with sarah silverman. this is her comedy album. "we are miracles." you won an emmy for this special on television. maybe you will win a grammy for this. what's up with the monkey? is that fun for you on the photo shoot? >> there was no photo shoot. i was doing a different photo shoot for "vanity fair." it wasn't a big deal. anyway, this was literally me in the dressing room getting my hair done. and people putting makeup on me. and there was a monkey in the shoot. they let me meet him and let me hold him. and hiary anselm, my publicist, who you know, is -- took it with her phone. >> jimmy: are you kidding me?

>> when the show came, "we are miracles." we are miracles, we are molecules. i thought of this picture and used it. and we made the molecules thing. >> jimmy: that's pretty great. wow. that's unbelievable. the album is very funny, by the way. i saw the comedy special. i haven't actually heard it. i assume it is also funny. >> yeah. it's the same. >> jimmy: it's all the same stuff. >> the sounds of -- >> jimmy: the sounds of the thing. i want to ask you about something else from the emmys. you said something -- and i noted it when you said it. and -- play that clip there. we want to ask you about it. >> mike flanagan at largo. thank you for making largo my home and introduced me to my love, mr. fancy pants sheen. >> jimmy: i believe about half of america thinks you're dating charlie sheen. [ laughter ] >> that would be ridiculous. >> jimmy: well, it would be ridiculous. but it's also ridiculous to have a pot pipe in your purse on the way into the emmys.

did that occur to you at all? >> no because -- because there's only one fancy pants. >> jimmy: i guess so. >> that is michael sheen. >> jimmy: michael sheen, who is on "masters of sex." >> yeah. >> jimmy: a show i enjoy a lot. i think he's great on that show. >> he's the best at what he does. he's so good. [ laughter ] i think he is. >> jimmy: they think you're making fun of me. >> no. i'm happy to have him be a part of my life. and i don't think i ever really knew what love was. you know? >> jimmy: uh-huh. [ laughter ] >> i don't think i've ever really been in love before. >> jimmy: right. >> and you guys have so much in common. >> jimmy: do we really? >> he starred in "frost/nixon." and you were the fat guy on "win ben stein's money."

>> jimmy: and ben wrote for nixon. you're right. >> look at you tying it together. >> jimmy: has he met your family? has he met your family? >> i met his family. and they're from wales. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> that's when you're supposed to say i'm from normal parents. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he's from wales. they don't have jews in wales, i'm pretty sure. his mother -- i think she thinks i can grant wishes. like leprechauns. jews don't have pots of gold. we just love pot and gold. >> jimmy: i see. [ laughter ] and he met your family? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: and how did that go? >> donnie's got a new best friend. >> jimmy: your dad, yeah? you think your dad likes him better than he likes me? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> and that was no small feat. >> jimmy: really? really? how about that? what makes you think that? did he specifically say that? [ laughter ]

>> he turned to me and said, jimmy who? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, that's very nice. now, you're going on tour with, you're doing a standup tour? >> i've been on the oddball fest tour. [ cheers and applause ] don't humor me. >> jimmy: they're all upset because you called me fat. >> you're not fat. you're thin. >> jimmy: i know. thank you. you're on tour with whom? >> louis c.k., dave attell, jeff ross, amy schumer, whitney cummings. it's like the regular crowd. chris hardwick. christa lea. i'm forgetting about these people. >> jimmy: are all these people on all of the shows? >> different combinations of us. but a whole bunch at every show. it's been fun.

it's been road. every day, an airport. every day, a different flight. you know, it's just like, every meal is in an airport. it really makes you appreciate like when you're peeing in airports every day, just being able to do that at home in the comfort of your own, you know, apartment, into countless mason jars you put on your window sill. >> jimmy: hey, my chair just went down. i'm short all of a sudden. i don't know what's going on here. here's the album. "sarah silverman: we are miracles" will be released on cd, colored vinyl and download september 23rd. thank you, sarah. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at&t, mobilizing your world. d os network, it is increasing by the second. it's crazy, huh?

and people are relying on it more than ever. we cover more than 99% of all americans. i know, i can't imagine living without it. it's a place where people can come share knowledge and ideas. it's beautiful. that's deep charlie. my selfie just hit a hundred likes...(gasps) a hundred! at&t is building you a better network. what kind of beer do you want? get me a... get me a redd's apple ale. yea. me too. redd's apple ale. crisp like an apple. brewed like an ale. and for many, it's a struggle to keep your a1c down.

so imagine, what if there was a new class of medicine that works differently to lower blood sugar? imagine, loving your numbers. introducing once-daily invokana®. it's the first of a new kind of prescription medicine that's used along with diet and exercise to lower blood sugar in adults with type 2 diabetes. invokana® is a once-daily pill that works around the clock to help lower a1c. here's how: the kidneys allow sugar to be absorbed back into the body. invokana® reduces the amount of sugar allowed back in, and sends some sugar out through the process of urination. and while it's not for weight loss, it may help you lose some weight. invokana® can cause important side effects, including dehydration, which may cause some people to have loss of body water and salt. this may also cause you to feel dizzy, faint, lightheaded, or weak especially when you stand up. other side effects may include kidney problems, genital yeast infections, urinary tract infections,

changes in urination, high potassium in the blood, or increases in cholesterol. do not take invokana® if you have severe kidney problems or are on dialysis or if allergic to invokana® or its ingredients. symptoms of allergic reaction may include rash, swelling, difficulty breathing or swallowing. if you experience any of these symptoms, stop taking invokana® and call your doctor right away or go to the nearest hospital. tell your doctor about any medical conditions, medications you are taking, and if you have kidney or liver problems. using invokana® with a sulfonylurea or insulin may increase risk of low blood sugar. it's time. lower your blood sugar with invokana®. imagine loving your numbers. ask your doctor about invokana®. i am so noh my gosh...now, it's not even funny.

driver 1 you ready? yeah! go! [sfx] roaring altima engine woah! ahhhha! we told people they were riding nissan's most advanced altima race car. we lied... about the race car part. altima, with 270 horsepower and active understeer control. how did you?...what! i don't even, i'm speechless. innovation that excites.

yeah!

vo: don't just dream of being the hero. make it happen. i can't believe we're missing the game for this. we're not. i've got xlte. vo: it doubles our 4g lte bandwidth in cities nationwide, so be that guy with verizon xlte. now get 1gb of bonus data, and our best pricing ever on the more everything plan. wto dirty their hands withtrue sendeavour, not speculation. comradeship, essential. courageous men and women to uphold over 160 years of tradition. to celebrate the most awarded blended scotch in history. this is true scotch. join us.

but i've managed. ♪ i got to be pretty good at managing my symptoms, except that managing my symptoms was all i was doing. ♪ when i finally told my doctor, he said my crohn's was not under control. ♪ he said humira is for adults like me who've tried other medications but still experience the symptoms of moderate to severe crohn's disease. and that in clinical studies, the majority of patients on humira saw significant symptom relief. and many achieved remission. [ female announcer ] humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers,

including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. if you're still just managing your symptoms, ask your gastroenterologist about humira. with humira, remission is possible.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello there. welcome back. still to come. the music from hunter hayes. our next guest is an academy award-nominated actress whom you

know from "the curious case of benjamin button" and "the karate kid." she played a young ralph macchio in "the karate kid." a week from tomorrow, you can see her faceoff with idris elba in the crime thriller "no good deed." please say hello to taraji p. henson. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> hey. >> jimmy: you look great. you smell very good, too. >> thank you. i'm glad i don't stink. >> jimmy: i never met a taraji before. >> you never met a taraji. >> jimmy: are there others? >> i'm certain now there are. >> jimmy: do you know other tarajis? >> i get tweets. i just named my daughter after you. >> jimmy: that's nice. >> my cousin, interestingly enough, called me from maryland. from the washington, d.c., area. he was at some random gas station. and he saw a picture of a set of

white twins. and it said taraji on it. taraji, that's my cousin. that's my cousin. she's my cousin. and the woman at the gas attendant was like, i love her so much. i named my twins at her. >> jimmy: hold on one minute. >> maybe it's taraji one, taraji two. >> jimmy: she named them both taraji? >> i'm sure they have middle initials. that's why i kept mine. taraji p. >> jimmy: a lot of times, michael j. fox. there was another fox. there are no taraji hensons, besides you and the twins, of course. >> they're like 30 years behind me. >> jimmy: what does that name mean? >> it's swahili for hope. >> jimmy: nice. >> and the middle initial is "p" for penda. and that's swahili for love. >> jimmy: hope, love and henson. do your parents speak swahili? >> they found it in a book. it was different.

and i hated it when i was little because no one could pronounce it. i'm used to answering pretty much anything. >> jimmy: how badly did they mangle it? >> the worst i got, i used to be a singing, dancing waitress on a dinner cruise in d.c. this guy was really drunk. and i had a name tag on. and he called me trojan. trojan, i'll have another drink. >> jimmy: that's no good. >> well, i have trojans. that's not my name. >> jimmy: you flew in from chicago. >> i did. >> jimmy: you're shooting your new show there? >> yes. "empire." >> jimmy: that's fun. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. >> jimmy: who else is on that show with you? >> terrence howard is on the show with me. we're still working together again. gabby sidibe is on it. >> jimmy: howard told me he is manufacturing diamonds in a laboratory. pink diamonds. >> yes. >> jimmy: as i recall. did you know about this? >> he tried to get me to invest.

i don't own any real diamonds. can't help you there. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: seems like if they're manufacturing real pink diamonds, you would want to invest in something. you need to invest in that? >> i said to him, if you give me a sample first. >> jimmy: and? >> i'm still waiting. >> jimmy: you're still waiting. maybe a gift will be something you'll get. >> pink diamond. >> jimmy: you acted together in the academy -- >> "hustle and flow." >> jimmy: yes. and you sang at the academy awards. "it's hard out there for a pimp." >> it was awkward at the oscars. i'm swinging about pimps and whores in front of helen mirren. >> jimmy: i hadn't thought about that. >> i was really drunk. >> jimmy: you were drunk before the oscars? >> yeah. it was really weird. it's hard out here for a pimp. what is this world coming to?

>> jimmy: were you surprised that the song was the winner? >> i just remember sitting in front of the guys, 36 mafia. and i turned around to them. i said, thank god you made it here. a lot of rappers don't get this far. >> jimmy: none of them do, really. >> basically. rap at the oscars. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know, it's -- dolly parton's year. be glad you got here. we sing the song. and then, everybody's like, oh, my gosh. and the winner is -- and i'm, like -- what? and my jaw -- and they won. i think everybody was surprised. >> jimmy: now, you're teamed up with idris elba in "no good deed." was he somebody you knew before? >> i did. the script was around for a long time. and will packer found it and brought it to me. and we finally had idris elba for it.

i got busy. he got busy. it went away. and will packer brought "think like a man" to me. i don't want to do that dumb movie. i want to do "no good deed." i want to do that. okay. if you do "think like a man" we'll do "no good deed" right after. i made him promise. and we did. it got busy. and so, i had to call and beg him. i used every card i had. i am an incredible executive producer. i played the single mother card. how dare you run off and book "mandela." here we are, it worked. >> jimmy: yeah. very scary. and he's very scary in it. >> he is very scary. >> jimmy: it's a very different role for him. >> i thought it would be great for him because he's so charming and charismatic. and for me, charming, charismatic people make the best bad guys. you secretly root for him to get away.

>> jimmy: interesting. i don't think anybody is rooting for him to get away. >> half of the women. >> jimmy: is this what you heard? >> i get tweets. he can kill me anytime. i'm like -- >> jimmy: logically, it doesn't make any sense. when they see the movie, maybe they'll have a different opinion of it. >> i hope so, for me and my babies. >> jimmy: it seems like the least they could do. >> exactly. just run. hey. >> jimmy: people are naming twins after you. i think you'll be all right. >> i think i won. >> jimmy: taraji p. henson, everybody. "nod good deed" opens in theaters september 12th. we'll be right back with music from hunter hayes. [ cheers and applause ] the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at&t, mobilizing your world.

♪ hey pal? you ready? can you pick me up at 6:30? ah... (boy) i'm here! i'm here! (cop) too late. i was gone for five minutes!

ugh! move it. you're killing me. you know what, dad? i'm good. (dad) it may be quite a while before he's ready, but our subaru legacy will be waiting for him. (vo) the longest-lasting midsize sedan in its class. introducing the all-new subaru legacy. it's not just a sedan. it's a subaru.

[ cheers and applause ] the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at&t, mobilizing your world. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank sarah silverman. i want to thank taraji p. henson, and apologize to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next. but first, his new album is called, "storyline." here with the song "tattoo," hunter hayes. [ cheers and applause ]

♪ i could spray-paint i love you on that bridge ♪ ♪ or in the sky and i could swear when ♪ ♪ you say it to me there's a good chance ♪ ♪ i could fly and i might ♪ it seems like, yeah if it's gonna be any night ♪ ♪ it might as well be tonight ♪ there's this thing that you do you don't know that it ♪ ♪ does something to me, yeah it's in the way that ♪ ♪ you sway, that you talk that you touch ♪ ♪ that you kiss that you breathe ♪ ♪ that i need you look at me, girl ♪ ♪ you're shaking things up like you wouldn't believe ♪ ♪ crashing my comfort zone setting me free ♪ ♪ it's a who would've thought you'd never dream ♪ ♪ kind of thing ♪ your name, your name sounds so good next to mine ♪ ♪ just saying and i think, i think ♪ ♪ i'm gonna put it in all my rhymes, baby ♪ ♪ 'cause with you i'm gonna do quite a few ♪ ♪ things that i never thought i would do ♪ ♪ your name, your name your name would be ♪

♪ a good tattoo, yeah would be a good tattoo ♪ ♪ ink it in on my skin sign me up, make it last ♪ ♪ against the time 'cause this is more than a ♪ ♪ picture that fades of a first date friday night ♪ ♪ it's unerasable unmistakable, hey ♪ ♪ everybody wants to know now i think i know ♪ ♪ i'll wear it on my sleeve i gotta let it show ♪ ♪ making a promise that i never wanna let you go ♪ ♪ your name, your name sounds so good next to mine ♪ ♪ just saying and i think, i think ♪ ♪ i'm gonna put it in all my rhymes, baby ♪ ♪ 'cause with you i'm gonna do quite a few ♪ ♪ things that i never thought i would do ♪ ♪ your name, your name your name would be ♪

♪ all my life all i got is this ♪ ♪ one heart to give and all my life ♪ ♪ all this time i've been searching for this ♪ ♪ oh, and it looks like i found it ♪ ♪ yeah, i finally found it girl, it's you ♪ ♪ your name, your name sounds so good next to mine ♪ ♪ just saying and i think, i think ♪ ♪ i'm gonna put it in all my rhymes, baby ♪ ♪ 'cause with you i'm gonna do quite a few ♪ ♪ things that i never thought i would do ♪ ♪ your name, your name your name would be ♪ ♪ a good tattoo, yeah would be a good tattoo ♪ ♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ooh, ooh, ooh [ cheers and applause ]

♪ see the colors in your eyes it's going to be all right ♪ ♪ without you, baby it's a waste of time ♪ ♪ my birthday girl didn't change ♪ ♪ that got washed away ♪ you can't undo a fight ♪ love doesn't know distance >> you sound great, come on. ♪ everybody sing nice and loud one more kiss it doesn't make sense to anybody ♪

♪ you're right ♪ with me baby ♪ i want to feel good, don't have to be right ♪ ♪ i'm going crazy yeah

this is "nightline." tonight, travel hacks. hoy can you see the world in style, staying at luxury resorts for next to nothing? consider this your new family plan. one mom says it's easy, and she's revealing exactly how to do it. >> miss new york. plus, before they reach the stage, they have to go through this guy first. >> this isn't christmas. >> meet the king of the beauty queens. transforming contestants into