facebook, and all the mobile devices, jimmy >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- denzel washington. from "scandal," darby stanchfield. "this week in unnecessary censorship." and music from the script. with cleto and the cletones. and now, from here on out, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. thank you very much.

appreciate it. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming to say hello. well, that's very kind of you. i'm -- i'm glad you're here, you're part of a big night of television here at abc. tgit. on thursdays now, we have "grey's anatomy," "scandal" and "how to get away with murder" so, you can watch doctors having sex and then politicians having sex and then lawyers having sex. it's -- [ cheers and applause ] all three of these shows come from one executive producer, shonda rhimes. there is no profession she can't make sexy. she's working on one about the dmv right now. [ laughter ] tonight's episode of "scandal," started out as an episode of "lost," i know you guys haven't seen it yet. but olivia pope is on an island where she somehow gets wine delivered. i can't even get wine delivered to my house. i'm not olivia pope. we have a good show for you tonight, too. denzel washington is here.

[ cheers and applause ] denzel is here, because he's got a new movie. called "the equalizer." it's a good one. also tonight, from "scandal," darby stanchfield is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] we have music from the script. and we're going to try something new out with my cousin sal if you watch our show regularly, you know my cousin sal, his primary purpose is to drive people insane. he pulls a lot of pranks. tonight, sal is at a gas station not too far from here and he's dressed up like a bum. that's him. this is what we're going to do. sal is going to offer to watch people's windshields and then after he does it, whatever they tip him, if they do, he's going to give them 100 times the amount they tip him. $1, he'll give $100, $2, $200. and they don't know they're on camera. so, we call it thanks 100 times. it's a good deed for a good deed.

sal apparently cannot hear me right now, right? so, we're going to have to listen in on him and -- oh, there is a woman getting gas right now. okay, there's sal. and she's tying her shoe, as well. >> hi, nice lady. >> hi. >> can i do your windshield? >> i'm good. >> oh. they're really dirty and i'm really good. plus, i'm super homeless. [ laughter ] thank you. god bless you. >> jimmy: okay, good. all right, here we go. so, he's cleaning the windshield. and -- >> how's that? >> could i use your -- your -- >> squeegee? >> yeah, well, you can push it -- no, you know what? thanks. >> you sure? >> yeah, yeah, thanks. >> i can do a little more if you want. >> no -- >> you got a dog in there.

you want me to wash the dog? >> no, no. maybe use the other side? >> the other side? >> yeah, there you go. >> oh, yeah, there you go. >> oh, look at that. >> yeah. better. >> who knew? >> yeah. i thought this side was just to kill rats. >> that's good. thanks. >> thank you. >> jimmy: well, hopefully she will give him some money. it does look like she's going to -- >> you give me $3? >> yes. >> all right, hold onto this for a second. yeah. so, for your $3, you get back -- can you step out for a second? >> sure. >> for your $3, you get back -- $300. turn around right here. thanks to "jimmy kimmel live," thanks 100 times. all right?

thanks for playing. >> are you serious? you're not homeless? >> no, neither are you. >> no, i'm not. >> i'm going to keep the $3. thank you. you're welcome. give me a hug. >> that's awesome. >> i don't smell. >> thank you, jimmy! >> jimmy: you're welcome. all right. that's good. we'll check back in with the next customer. this is funny. this is a youtube video. little kids having an argument about whether it's raining or sprinkling. pay attention to the end. one of them coins what i feel like might be the number one phrase of 2014. >> it's raining. >> no, it's sprinkling. >> no, it's raining. >> my mom told me it's sprinkling. >> it's raining. >> no, it's not. >> that's rain. >> ow! >> are you okay? >> it's rain. >> you broke my heart.

>> jimmy: broke his heart. broke my heart. that could be a great title for a taylor swift album. you can't just do that. the new iphones are out and some are iphone 6 owners are complaining that their phones are bending. they say if you squeeze the ends hard enough, the phone will bend. and if you hit it with a hammer, the phone will break. [ laughter ] here's an idea. don't bend the phone. [ laughter ] if you do bend it, wrap it around your wrist and tell people it's the apple watch. you'll be the first one to have it. [ applause ] okay, we're going -- check back in with cousin sal at the gas station. there's somebody else -- there's sal. and -- where is the -- i assume we have another potential customer there. oh, yeah, there we go. okay, good. all right. >> how's it going, sir? >> good, man, you? >> good. can i do your windshield? kind of dirty. >> ah -- >> i'm really good at it.

>> yeah, sure. >> okay, good. >> jimmy: all right. >> thanks. thank you. you're a good man. >> yeah, no problem, man. >> jimmy: seems like sal has never washed a windshield before, doesn't it? >> i used to do this for a living before i lost my job. now i do it for a living. >> okay. do you work for a big company? >> i work for myself. >> oh. >> jimmy: work for a big windshield company. oh, the back, too, all right. should be -- >> how does that look, all right? >> yeah, that's great. [ laughter ] here, well, good luck. >> i wasn't expecting this.

how much did you give me here? three bucks? >> yeah, three bucks. >> well, let me tell you, for your generosity, i'm going to thank you a hundred times. give you $300. all right? one, two, three -- there's $100. yeah. there's two. and that should be three. and you can thank jimmy kimmel, right up there. >> oh -- >> thanks, jimmy! oh, my god. thanks. >> don't you feel good? >> yeah. all right, thanks, man. >> jimmy: these people are even happier than i imagined they would be. we'll go back when we get

another person out there. here's something for all you single stoners out there. you know, there are now dating sites exclusively for pot smokers. a few of them -- one of them is called my420mate.com. 420 plays a big theme. you can see, that's my 420 mate. that's really the website. i guess if you are a normal pretty girl looking to date one of the guys from lmfao. [ laughter ] there are a lot of sites now that cater very specifically to groups of people, there's christian mingle, there's jdate, that farmers only one. and now you can even meet someone that shares your passion for drugs. >> everyone deserves to find the one who completes them. who knows them. who shares their interests. and now, there's the dating site for a specific type of user. meth match. the dating site for meth heads. >> i've been looking for someone who shared my passion for meth. and finally, i found her.

>> meth match suggests romantic getaways you with and your special someone in mind. >> like this truck stop bathroom sink. >> or this burned-out shed in the woods. >> meth match has you covered. >> come here. >> you [ bleep ]. >> come here. >> [ bleep ]. >> all right? >> meth match changed my life. i love her almost as much as i love meth. >> meth? do you have any? >> not now, baby. >> you [ bleep ] holding out on me? >> i didn't! >> warning, meth match is not responsible for murder. >> meth match. set your love aflame. >> meth match. try it once. you'll be hooked. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: in new york today, a major scandal has erupted in new york that involves the mayor, a groundhog, death and a coverup.

in february, on groundhog's day, the mayor, you can see here, he had the groundhog and either the -- he accidentally dropped the groundhog. that's staten island chuck. according to news reports, one week after the incident, back in february, staten island chuck died. "the new york post" said chuck died of internal injuries. the zoo kept it quiet and it turns out not only did chuck die, chuck was a woman. chuck was a lady groundhog named charlotte. i think we just found the plot for next week's "scandal." but charlotte or chuck or whatever is dead. and see, this is why you have to elect short mayors like mayor bloomberg. the groundhogs don't fall as far. [ laughter ] so, we'll definitely keep an eye on that. this is where ace ventura pet detective really could shine. remember mike the situation from "jersey shore"?

he was indicted yesterday in federal court on tax fraud. he and his brother didn't pay on $8.9 million of income. maybe he thought he only had to pay taxes on the money he deserved? [ cheers and applause ] and if convicted, he could face up to five years in prison and endure a lot more news reports like these. >> the man known as the situation has a serious situation. >> the situation finds himself in a situation. >> situation, he's got a situation now. >> mike the situation has gotten himself into a serious situation. >> we got ourselves a situation with the situation. >> the situation, he's got a little situation. >> mike the situation has a situation. >> mike the situation has a situation. >> seems the situation has a situation. >> a serious situation for the situation. >> the situation is in a sticky situation. >> the situation in a bad situation.

>> the situation has a very situation -- very serious situation. >> self-service nation. >> immigration. >> stipulation. >> sterilization. >> invitation. >> assimilation. >> magnetic stimulation. >> penetration. >> jimmy: all right, well, god help us. [ cheers and applause ] let's check in with cousin sal. he has another customer. >> hi. >> jimmy: the red car. >> you want me to do your windshield? what's that? oh, that's not part of the game. all right. [ laughter ] i look cool? you lose 200 cigarettes.

>> jimmy: all right, well, you know, in prison, he would be a millionaire. we'll try to get a real one, check back in a little later. one more thing. it's thursday night. it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." [ cheers and applause ] >> just looking at some players who are ecstatic. who are [ bleep ] all over the fans. >> turn the lights off in the room, see if they want to [ bleep ]. hey, turn the lights off in the room, see if they want to [ bleep ]. >> always wonderful to [ bleep ] matt damon. >> kirby says in the 26 years he was married, he only [ bleep ] his wife four times. ♪ >> president obama has a big [ bleep ]. >> he always [ bleep ] the smallest [ bleep ] that is available to you. >> got it. >> you not going to [ bleep ] me.

>> you want me to [ bleep ] you? >> i saw you [ bleep ] her. >> you want to [ bleep ] her? >> yes, i am. >> you are? >> i am. >> wow, how about you? >> no, i'm not. i'm her sister, but i'm not [ bleep ]. >> two sisters, [ bleep ], you're not. >> i know all about [ bleep ]. >> what is going on, dora? >> i'm not sure. but when the referee blows the [ bleep ], everything stops. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: coming up on the show, we have music from the script. darby stanchfield is here. and we'll be right back with denzel washington. [ cheers and applause ] ♪this is the iphone 6. and this is the iphone 6 plus. they come with a thing called health, so they can help you track a lot of stuff. like today, i walked 3.8 miles. well, i ran 4.2 miles. well, i climbed 11 flights of stairs. well, i drank a smoothie that had 362 calories in it.

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello again, friends. tonight, from "scandal," which began season four earlier tonight on abc, darby stanchfield will join us. and then, a talented group of lads from dublin. their new album, "no sound without silence," comes out tuesday. the script from the at&t outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] next week, we have some

wonderful people next week, including the great martin short, jennifer love hewitt, tim allen. from "grey's anatomy," ellen pompeo, clark gregg, anna gunn, norman reedus. dave salmoni has live animals to show us. plus, music from disclosure featuring mary j. blige, steve aoki, clean bandit, and the madden brothers. who are not just brothers, they're twins. [ laughter ] our first guest tonight is an oscar, golden globe and tony-winning actor who probably has no idea what he's doing here either. his new movie is called "the equalizer." it opens in theaters tomorrow. please say hello to denzel washington. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you doing? glad you're here. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: you're embarrassing him. [ cheers and applause ] you're beloved, what are you

going to do? >> it's a beautiful thing. >> jimmy: people love you and they want to shout about it. >> i love it. >> jimmy: i'm happy you're here. i know you are a very big new york yankees fan and tonight is -- >> this is it. >> jimmy: -- the last game for derek jeter. >> derek jeter. >> jimmy: this is it, huh? and you're here. >> you mean like i'm not there? >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] and i appreciate that. i know that's a big deal. >> i'd rather -- uh -- be here. >> jimmy: you are a good actor, it's incredible. >> i'm not that good. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i was thinking about it today, because i know you like jeter and i was thinking about it. it's weird, first of all, for denzel washington to be a fan of anyone, especially somebody younger than him? >> why. >> jimmy: because you're you. you shouldn't be a fan of -- i mean, maybe, like, there are older guys or, you know, actors --

>> you can't be a fan of younger people? >> jimmy: you can. but it just seems weird that you're sitting there rooting for a guy named derek. [ laughter ] >> i have no comeback. i was trying, i'm scrolling through things to say. >> jimmy: you love baseball and there you go. is it true that you recently, in, in like the last couple years, just got a cell phone? >> no. >> jimmy: that is not true? >> i just got a cell phone? >> jimmy: i heard that -- >> that i just got a cell phone. >> jimmy: a couple years ago, a friend of mine interviewed you for a website and you didn't have a cell phone at that time. >> he interviewed -- >> jimmy: that's not -- you have had a cell phone? >> i was with somebody the day before yesterday that had a flip phone. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> the old, like, kind of round oval-shaped ones? >> jimmy: what -- why? >> i don't know why. and the guy, he's worth a lot of money. i was like -- >> jimmy: some people get attached to it. do you text with people? do you do that kind of thing? >> ah -- [ laughter ] no, no. i call. >> jimmy: have you ever taken a selfie?

>> of myself? >> jimmy: uh-huh. [ laughter ] >> i've been in some selfies. >> jimmy: i bet you have. nothing like that, huh? >> no, no. >> jimmy: i know you just got back from a big press tour, all over the world -- paris, spain. >> london. >> jimmy: is that still fun, or was that ever fun? that sort of thing something you enjoy? >> well -- well, you sit in a hotel room and, in theory, paris is out the window. you see paris, but you're not in paris. you're in a hotel room. >> jimmy: you think they could figure out how to do that via satellite nowadays. >> i don't mind. i like taking the trip. >> jimmy: you're okay with that? here's another thing i heard about you. is it true you will take the shampoos when you are done with them, the mini shampoos? >> it's funny you say that. i have this -- i take the bathrobe. >> jimmy: oh, you -- >> no, i don't -- yes, i do. don't you take the bathrobe? i'm getting out of there with something.

[ laughter ] little soaps and -- >> jimmy: the little soaps, yeah. why let it go to waste? i mean, there's absolutely no good reason for that. >> absolutely not. >> jimmy: have you ever pay per viewed a movie that you are in? >> that i'm in? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i don't think so. >> jimmy: okay. >> i got copies. >> jimmy: you do. [ laughter ] >> i think i do. >> jimmy: the movie that you are in happens to be on television, will you ever sit there and watch it? >> ah -- a little bit. maybe a little. passing by, you know, might watch a scene. not from start to -- >> jimmy: you will not get involved in it and go, "i was really good in that." [ laughter ] >> i've said that. [ laughter ] i've said that. [ cheers and applause ] run that back. >> jimmy: i know you were in the play "raisin in the sun" earlier this year and the president and first lady came to

see you. when you're in a situation like that, i know you must be aware that they're in the audience, but does that make you nervous at all? is that something that makes it harder to focus? >> i -- i shouldn't say this, but i will. [ laughter ] so, my dressing room -- i shouldn't say this. but i will. my dressing room was on the ground floor and they put a little dot on my door, little, i think green dot and i'm like, what is that? well, this is, like, the safe house, safe room for the president, because there was a dressing room and then there's a bathroom, so, there's a couple of doors, they would put them in there if something happened. so, i won't say who, but someone very important had to use the restroom. so, they used my restroom. >> jimmy: oh, is that right? >> i had to wait outside of my own dressing room while someone very important, i won't say who. >> jimmy: i see. interesting. so, the safe room is -- >> is the safe room. >> jimmy: is the really safe

room. do they visit you after the play? >> they came at intermission, because they said it would be such a, you know, mess trying to get them out at the end of the show, i guess they leave right away. >> jimmy: did they stay for the whole play? >> i hope so. >> jimmy: you don't know. be kind of hard to mess them if they hadn't, i guess. >> they came, they were very nice, and it was great. >> jimmy: i saw "the equalizer" today. it's very good. it's -- i mean, it's everything you'd hope for in a movie called "the equalizer." >> i equalize the situation. >> jimmy: you did. we're going to take a look at a clip from "the equalizer" when we come back. denzel washington is here. we'll be right back.

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lines, your hands wouldn't look like that. i know we got to be waiting for somebody else. >> hands where i can see them. take a little walk across the street, me and you. black denali. >> here we go. >> you understand? >> let's go! >> jimmy: that's denzel washington in "the equalizer." equalizing. that's really good. [ cheers and applause ] put a butter knife -- >> that's what i do when i want to turn the lights off. i don't hit the switch. i put a butter knife in the socket. >> jimmy: one of the interesting things about your character is, your character has ocd. >> yes. >> jimmy: and, you know, a guy who is beating ass and killing people with ocd, is that something that was in the script? >> no, it's something i added.

i wanted to, you know, i started reading up about it and -- well, it started with his watch because he is always checking his watch. i'm like, he's compulsive. i started doing research and one thing led to another. opening and closing doors five and six times. >> jimmy: i feel like everybody has a little bit of ocd. some people have a lot. do you ever worry about -- i worry about, you start to do those things and they can mushroom. you could actually give it to yourself. >> give yourself ocd. i guess. >> jimmy: you count and you want to make everything even and, you know, you -- no? just me? >> just you. you want to make everything -- then what happens? >> jimmy: i don't know. sometimes, like, i will count, a song has to end up on an even number. >> or what, you start over? >> jimmy: or you die. [ laughter ] >> that's never happened to me. never. >> jimmy: all right. ever came across that -- >> no, no. i'll look out for it, though.

>> jimmy: you're going to be in the remake of "magnificent seven." is that your first western? >> that i know of, yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: you know how to ride a horse? >> no. well, i did a movie years back, "much ado about nothing," i had to ride a horse, and, so, i -- i guess nobody saw it. [ laughter ] no, so, yeah, i start next week. i'll be riding for five or six months and, you know. >> jimmy: five or six months. >> i got to prepare. >> jimmy: what if you get on, i don't want to do this, i don't like this? will you drop out of the film? >> the horse might feel that way. [ laughter ] it might not want me on it. >> jimmy: i hope the horse is kind to your buttocks. [ laughter ] i hope the horses are kind to all of your buttocks, by the way. >> that's right. >> jimmy: and thank you for coming here. the movie is called "the equalizer." it opens in theaters tomorrow. denzel washington. and i almost forgot this.

i have a little surprise for the members of the studio audience. >> oh, yes. >> jimmy: if you like, denzel's going to take you to go see "the equalizer" -- but stay for the whole show, okay? >> after the show. after the show. >> jimmy: yes. don't everyone leave right this minute. we're going to need you to stay until the end of the show and then you can go see the movie with denzel washington. we'll be right back. the all-new mercedes-benz gla took nearly 600lbs of high- strength steel. setting industry-leading safety standards took 20,800 crash simulations. and perfecting its engine took over 1.1 million miles of extreme driving. but, this may be the most impressive number of all.

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>> jimmy: welcome back. darby stanchfield and music from the script are still to come. but first tonight, we've been doing good deeds at a local gas station here in l.a. my cousin sal is in disguise. he's offering to watch people's -- wash people's windows and then he's giving them back 100 times whatever they tip. we call it thanks 100 times. he's still out there and, let's check back in with cousin sal. >> here i go, jimmy. >> jimmy: okay. he doesn't look bad in that beard, by the way. >> how you doing? >> what's up, man? >> can i wash your windshield? i'm good at it. >> huh? >> i'm pretty good at it. can i try? >> yeah, i guess. >> thanks, man. thank you.

god bless you. how's your day going? >> it's all right. >> jimmy: can sal not hear me out there? okay, he cannot. okay. >> i'm only going to do the front. yeah. >> what if i was paying you? >> you're going to pay me? >> i'll do the back then. >> i'll give you a couple dollars to do -- >> all right. whatever you want to do. let me get the back for you. just so lazy these days, you know? it's so hot. >> jimmy: if this guy pulls out $100, we're in a lot of trouble. >> i'm not even good at this. >> i'm about to go to the car wash.

>> you don't need to go to the car wash. before, maybe, but not now. >> i don't have no change -- >> jimmy: uh-oh. >> what is that, five? you're giving me $5? you got 500 coming your way. right there. >> you [ bleep ], man. >> no. there you go. just thank "jimmy kimmel live." thanks 100 times. where is it? where is it? right there. thanks 100 times. >> you kidding me, man? >> say hi to jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy kimmel ain't up there. he's up there? >> he's up there. >> say hi, jimmy. >> how do i know you ain't lying? >> you got $500 in your hand. thanks, man. >> thank you, jimmy! >> jimmy: hey, you're welcome. >> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: see, there are good people out there. we'll be right back with darby stanchfield.

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>> jimmy: our next guest is the latest in a long line of great tv redheads, including lucy, wilma flintstone and elmo. she plays white house press secretary, abby weelin, on "scandal," which returned to abc tonight. please welcome darby stanchfield. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i like this outfit and your hair and everything. >> thank you. >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> i'm good. the last time i saw you, we were in texas when lady gaga opened for you. -- for me. >> jimmy: that's right, lady gaga was there that night. did you get to talk to the lady? >> you know, the show the best show was backstage. actually, you missed it. >> jimmy: what happened? >> she -- so before, you know, we go on, our dressing rooms are right next to each other and the outfit that she was wearing with

was maybe even better than her coffee filter dress that she had on that night. she comes traipsing in with a robe down below her shoulders and some sort of great brassiere thing and some other fantastic shoes that were maybe that tall and an entourage of 15, 20 people. it was amazing. they all parade into her small dressing room. it was kind of a small dressing room. >> jimmy: sorry. [ laughter ] >> these ones are huge. >> jimmy: oh, okay. these are okay? >> yeah, yeah. so, they all pile in there and within about ten minutes, they, everybody leaves, they file out and they're all sitting, like, in the hallway and the body guard is, like, standing in front of my door. apparently, she wanted to take a nap. yeah. >> jimmy: lady gaga took a nap. >> while the band was warming up. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah, she needed a nap before going on your show. >> jimmy: do you think it was a nap or one of those code things for something that, you know -- >> you know -- you're onto something. >> jimmy: thank you very much. [ laughter ] >> i had never thought of that.

>> jimmy: you got a promotion on "scandal." you're the white house press secretary now. >> i did! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: is it exciting? to you get a fake promotion? >> no, no. you don't even understand. there have been three women in all of television who have gotten to play white house press secretary and i'm one of them. >> jimmy: who are they? >> well, allison janney -- >> jimmy: from "the west wing." >> i'm a huge fan of hers. >> jimmy: who else? >> i knew you were going to ask me that. >> jimmy: you don't know? oh. [ laughter ] >> she's probably watching. >> jimmy: how many female press secretaries -- there's dana perino. >> and one other one. >> jimmy: there have been more fake ones than real ones? >> yes. >> jimmy: but you only know allison janney. >> i saw her at a party six weeks ago and we started shooting. we're on lockdown. we can't say anything about the new season, it's all top secret. our jobs depend upon it. and i see her at this party and

i completely lose it. i go running across the room, i don't introduce myself. i grab her by the shoulders and i said, allison janney, i'm the new press secretary on "scandal." >> jimmy: and what did allison say? >> she kind of looked at me like, who is this crazy lady shouting at me? and then she kind of went -- oh, right, she's on "scandal" and she said something about really enjoying the show and she went into the next level of -- oh, you're press secretary. and how special and how much fun that role is going to be for you. >> jimmy: i see. >> so, by then, we had formed a small bond and then katie came up and dumped a glass of wine on her and she left the party. >> jimmy: oh. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you are eliminating these press secretaries one after the other. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: that's weird. have you been to the actual white house? >> i have. >> jimmy: you have?

>> i went to the white house correspondents dinner. this last spring. >> jimmy: that's not in the white house. but you actually did take a tour of the white house. >> when i was there that weekend, i got a private tour on saturday morning, the night before the -- the morning before the dinner and it was just me and we started off at the guard booth, you know, you have to go through this little security area. >> jimmy: right. >> and there were like five security guards and they all wanted pictures of me. they all watch "scandal." >> jimmy: right, of course they do. [ cheers and applause ] that surprised you? >> it did. everybody in d.c. watches the show. everybody. diane sawyer knew who i was. >> jimmy: of course! it makes sense. if somebody did a show about your workplace, like, you know, a show about the set of "scandal." you guys would watch that, too, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: it makes a lot of sense. [ laughter ] and the room where the press secretary -- >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: does the press conferences, on television, seems like a big room, but it's tiny. >> you've seen it. it's kind of shabby, too.

>> jimmy: it is shabby. the whole white house is smaller and shabbier than -- >> no, no. >> jimmy: yes! [ laughter ] >> okay! did you see the bowling alley? >> jimmy: no. >> you didn't? >> jimmy: is it real? the bowling alley? >> it's understood ground. >> jimmy: why didn't i see the bowling alley? i got to look at plates. i got to look at everyone's china, which i didn't want to see. >> i saw -- i have a higher level of clearance than you. >> jimmy: did you bowl? >> no, you know what i did -- well, i didn't have time. because i had to see the oval office, but i held a bowling ball and i stood next to the photograph of obama, who had a bowling ball and i did the same pose as him and input it on twitter. i tweeted, "bowling with the prez." >> jimmy: so you held the bowling ball but you did not throw the bowling ball. >> i was worried about -- if i don't bowl good enough, then they might not let me go to the oval office and i really want to

get there, because that's the creme de la creme of the whole experience. >> jimmy: did you see the president while you were there? >> yes, at the correspondents dinner, not at the white house, but he was like three tables away. i took a picture of him and tweeted it. but i thought about rushing up there. >> jimmy: that's what he looks like? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: well, you know, the first lady watches "scandal." i don't know if the president does. >> she does. she's a big fan. i was hoping to see her. >> jimmy: there's still time. >> we have a whole other season. >> jimmy: just don't do anything weird. it was a good episode tonight. are you going to live-tweet with the episodes? i am. well, the east coast -- yes, i am as much as i can. my phone's backstage and should have brought it out here, i could be tweeting right now. >> jimmy: that would be rude. [ laughter ] there's no tweeting during the interviews. >> i'm crazy about the tweeting. i actually tweeted in traffic. >> jimmy: you have? >> it's horrible. >> jimmy: yeah, that's -- oprah would be furious at you for that. >> oprah, shonda rhimes, everybody. >> jimmy: you may not tweet during --

>> i know. i pulled over finally into a gas station and finished tweeting. >> jimmy: it's very good to see you. congratulations on the big promotion. darby stanchfield, everybody. "scandal" airs thursday nights at 9:00 here on abc. we'll be right back with the script. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪

>> jimmy: i want to thank denzel washington, i want to thank darby stanchfield and

apologize to matt damon. we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. but first, this is their album, "no sound without silence," it comes out on tuesday. here with the song "superheroes," the script! ♪ ♪ all her life she has seen all the meaner side of me they took away the prophet's dream ♪ ♪ for a profit on the street now she's stronger than you know a heart of steel ♪ ♪ starts to grow all his life he's been told he'll be nothing when he's old ♪ ♪ all the kicks and all the blows he won't ever let it show ♪ ♪ 'cause he's stronger than you know a heart of steel starts to grow ♪ ♪ when you've been fighting for

it all your life you've been struggling to make things right ♪ ♪ that's how a superhero learns to fly when you've been fighting for it all your life ♪ ♪ you've been working every day and night that's how a superhero learns to fly ♪ ♪ every day every hour turn the pain into power ♪ ♪ oh oh oh ♪ oh oh oh ♪ all the hurt all the lies all the tears that they cry ♪ ♪ when the moment is just right you see fire in their eyes ♪ ♪ 'cause he's stronger than you know a heart of steel starts to grow ♪ ♪ when you've been fighting for it all your life you've been struggling to make things right ♪ ♪ that's how a superhero learns to fly when you've been fighting for it all your life ♪ ♪ you've been working every day and night that's how a superhero

learns to fly ♪ ♪ every day every hour turn the pain into power ♪ ♪ every day every hour turn the pain into power ♪ ♪ every day every hour turn the pain into power ♪ ♪ she's got lions in her heart a fire in her soul he's got a beast ♪ ♪ in his belly that's so hard to control 'cause they've taken too much hits ♪ ♪ taking blow by blow now light a match stand back watch them explode ♪ ♪ she's got lions in her heart a fire in her soul he's a got a beast ♪ ♪ in his belly that's so hard to control 'cause they've taken too much hits ♪ ♪ taking blow by blow now light a match stand back watch them explode ♪ ♪ when you've been fighting for it all your life

you've been struggling to make things right ♪ ♪ that's how a superhero learns to fly when you've been fighting for it all your life ♪ ♪ you've been working every day and night that's how a superhero learns to fly ♪ ♪ every day every hour turn the pain into power ♪ ♪ every day every hour turn the pain into power ♪ ♪ every day every hour turn the pain into power ♪ ♪ when you've been fighting for it all your life you've been struggling to make things right ♪ ♪ that's how a superhero learns to fly ♪ >> thank you! [ cheers and applause ]

this is "nightline." tonight, prayers for punches. >> turn the other cheek. not in a million years. >> the enemy -- >> fight ministries are spreading fast. preaching good christian values by day. fighting by night. why this is one way to love thy neighbor. this woman is about to have her fourth nose job in plastic perfection. is she losing her identity in the process. and the new music video shows adam levine making out