tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC November 17, 2014 11:35pm-12:38am PST
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>> we appreciate your time. actress elizabeth hart. >> we appreciate your time. actress elizabeth hart. >> good tonight everyone >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! [ cheers and applause ] tonight -- elizabeth banks. john mulaney. and music from nickelback. with cleto and the cletones. and now, for your information, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there.
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i want to tell you something here. not that every day isn't important, but today is the day that only ten years ago, would have made no sense whatsoever. it's national unfriend day. this is a day i founded five years ago. national unfriend day is a juice cleanse for your facebook page. it's not fun, but you will feel like a new person. you go through the list of facebook friends and say good-bye to people that aren't your friends. you don't have thousands of friends. you can unfriend members of your families too. did anybody do that? one guy. i feel like you're patronizing
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me. but you still have a few minutes left. a lot of people did participate today. posting comments on our facebook page. we asked our viewers to leave comments telling us who they unfriended and why. we got many thousands of responses. missy said, i'm unfriending the friend that became a personal trainer, and now just posts workouts. all i want to do is eat my cookies in peace. courtney said i'm unfriending every middle-age woman that can't tell the difference between it and pinterest. and many said i'm unfriending
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family members. jace said he's unfriending his mother who posted a cure for constipation. it's a personal matter, and ashley said i'm unfriending my mom because she just uses emojis and not words. and juancarlo said i'm unfriending my dad, because i haven't heard from him since i was four, and he started liking my posts. and moses, i'm unfriending my drug dealer because pot in colorado is now legal.
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and jeremiah, i'm unfriending everybody that sends the stupid surveys. i already know what disney princess i am. and kylie said it's sam, because he went through all the of my pictures and commented dog on every picture containing one of my dogs. and christina said, i'm unfriending reuben because i have no idea who the hell he is. reuben is not your friend. i'm proud of those of you that participated. and think of it as
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restrangering. not unfriending. that's why we do it as a group. if you would not invite them to dinner, not a friend. if you would take the stairs to avoid making small talk with them in an elevator, not a friend. get rid of them. there are a lot of annoying people out there. think about yours for a minute. you have someone in mind? i thought it may be fun to give people a chance to put masks on, so they could be totally honest, and tell us who on facebook annoys them the most. we called it "hide and speak." >> wearing a mask, let me know
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who is your worst facebook friend. >> karen. she's so annoying. we don't care that you run five miles a day. >> who is your worst facebook friend. >> my mother. she keeps posting pictures of me in the bathtub. >> recent pictures? >> no, when i was a baby. >> who is your worst facebook friend? >> douglas. he's annoying. posting where we're at when we hang out. if i take the day off, i know i'm going to be on facebook. >> and is he poking you, too? >> he pokes me in different ways. >> what do you mean? >> you can figure it out. >> and posting videos on
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facebook, you think they're funny. but i don't have time for it. >> what do you do for a living? >> i'm not currently working. >> who is your worst facebook friend? >> my cousin. "n." she posts right-wing conservative propaganda. >> give her a piece of your mind. >> stop it! it's so annoying. nobody cares about your crazy propaganda! >> who is your worst facebook friend? >> patricia. posting videos every morning saying good morning. >> that monster. >> dan, i need you to stop posting the conspiracy theories. you're better than that, dan. >> and you've been protected.
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so you're all set. don't believe thinking they tell you. you're all good. thanks. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: cousin sal. meanwhile, facebook is showing no sign whatsoever that they will ever leave us alone. they're developing facebook at work, listen to this. we already have a facebook for people at work, it's called facebo facebook. and matthew mcconnauge star on the walk of fame. he lost 75 pounds for the ceremony. and they made it his day here in
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hollywood here. there he is getting his star. you look down at the cement. unfortunately, the sidewalk does not have spell check. the first three "g"s are silent, i understand. and this woman, with one of the most unusual disorders i've ever heard of. >> one afternoon, she found herself suddenly sexually aroused. within minutes, her legs buckled and she fell, experiencing a series of orgasms. her condition has ruined her relationship with her husband, tony. >> jimmy: he's trying to watch
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the game. never seen a man more bored by that. and charles manson is getting married. he applied for and received a marriage license. he's 80, star is 26 years old. she looks totally normal. oh, wait, then again, maybe not totally normal. star started writing to charles when she was 17. nine years ago, moved from the midwest to live near the prison he is in. she believes he's innocent, which makes one of them, i guess. they have 90 days to get
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married. i wonder if it is going to be a destination marriage. and what did she say to her parents? mom, you know how the media is. what do you register for? toilet paper? and another one for j-date, right? that site is on fire. [ cheers and applause ] this is adorable. guillermo, do you know what j-date is? >> guillermo: no, no idea. >> jimmy: you don't have to get mad about it. >> guillermo: i was thinking about it. >> jimmy: well, a lot of people post videos on youtube of their babies doing cute things. but this one stands out. this boy, playing the drums, with a pantera song. >> you ready to play some
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pantera? here we go! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how good is that? that is, you don't see babies rock that hard that often. so, we tracked wyatt down. we flew him out from kentucky. ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for tonight's edition of can they do it live. wyatt? [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. that was very cute. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's quiet wyatt. he has no idea what's going on, i guess, huh? he's very comfortable in front of people. >> more so than his daddy. >> jimmy: have you ever heard of children's music? does he like this kind of music.
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>> we expose him to all genres of music. >> jimmy: and you're his dad, i hope. >> me, too. i hope as well. >> jimmy: and where's mom? dawn is there. she's right there. [ cheers and applause ] are you worried about -- are you worried about all the head banging when there's a soft spot? >> i make sure papa takes care of him. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, john mulaney is here. we have music from nickelback. and we'll be right back with elizabeth banks. in the meantime, one more time for wyatt, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: hello again, everyone. tonight, a very funny guy, he is the star of the show "mulaney" on fox. john mulaney is here. then, their new album just came out today -- it's called "no fixed address." nickelback from the at&t outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, jason bateman, courtney love. and we are going to unveil people magazine's sexiest man alive. the issue comes out at some point in the future. and we're going to announce. do you have any idea, guillermo? >> guillermo: adam levine? >> jimmy: that was last year, they don't do it two years in a row. >> guillermo: no?
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>> jimmy: and when i ask tomorrow, say the same thing. and later this week, jamie foxx, tom verica, tracee ellis ross, one direction, and music from the new basement tapes and jesse j. so join us then. our first guest is an emmy-nominated human being who makes the future fun. she reprises her role as effie trinket in the much-anticipated "the hunger games: mockingjay part one." it opens in theaters friday. please say hello to elizabeth banks. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> all right! >> jimmy: i like your dress. >> thank you. i put 30% of my energy worrying about wardrobe malfunctionmalfu.
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when i got out of the car, my ass was hanging out. >> jimmy: does your lipstick match your dress exactly? >> that's a trick. >> jimmy: how do you figure that out? >> i have people. they all have names. this one is fire engine. >> jimmy: will you wear the same dress to the movie premiere, or will there be a change? >> there will be a change. >> jimmy: is that bad if you have the same dress? >> people magazine, they would put me in. see? these are my worries. [ cheers and applause ] all right then. >> jimmy: i think last time, you
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were headed to "the hunger games" premiere. do they serve food at the premiere? >> yes, despite the name. >> jimmy: did you unfriend anybody on facebook today? >> i got the reminder earlier. but i have a fan page, and i would be rude to unfriend fans. so, i'm not going to unfriend them. >> jimmy: and you're not reading anything they say, let's be honest. >> no, i do. and i have a fake page under a fake name that i will not reveal. but it is very confusing to the people in my life. i use it to check out my high school boyfriend and also to background check my nannies. background check people in my
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life. once in a while, the family's doing something, someone's wedding, or a baby. i'll write something from this totally fake name. and my mom will say, i have a secret admirer on my wall. and i'll say, that's me. it's just from me. who's this person? she'll unfriend me because she forgets it's me under that name. >> jimmy: and you have your own youtube channel as well. who are the questions from that you're answering? >> random fans. >> jimmy: why do you answer their questions? >> it's fun. it's really fun, i love int interacting with people. this guy wanted to know if it's okay to have a micropenis.
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i don't know any of the questions, i just sit down. and one of the people that helps me with website things, most of the questions i don't see beforehand. the answer, it's better to have a bigger penis. [ cheers and applause ] was it you? >> jimmy: i may have sent that one. what's the guy going to do. doesn't sound like he has a choice. >> i totally agree. i empathize. i do. >> jimmy: you have almost no penis at all, i understand. wow. >> you're right. >> jimmy: that's the place for people peopto get the important
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questions answered. >> and also that i won't adopt you. and if you give me your phone number on twitter, i will call, and if you're not there, your brother will not believe me. >> jimmy: how do they know it's really you? >> i don't have a code word, but i'm honest, it's me. >> jimmy: when we come back, we'll talk about your new movie. it's "the hunger games: mockingjay part one." elizabeth banks, we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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(mom) when our little girl was we got a subaru. it's where she said her first word. (little girl) no! saw her first day of school. (little girl) bye bye! made a best friend forever. the back seat of my subaru is where she grew up. what? (announcer) the 2015 subaru forester (girl) what? (announcer) built to be there for your family. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru.
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everybody think of one incident where katniss genuinely moved you. >> when she volunteered for her sister at the reaping. >> excellent example. okay. volunteered for sister. good. what else? >> when she sang that song. >> oh, yeah, who didn't get choked up. i like you without all that makeup. >> i like you better sober. "the hunger games: mockingjay part one." do you love woody harrelson? he's a lot of fun.
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>> well, we've been working together for almost four years. which is crazy. he's very competitive. he brought this game called settlers of catan to the set. he was like, i didn't have the heart to tell him, i've been playing for four years. >> jimmy: oh, you have? >> what is it, like, are you a shark? i don't want to say i'm a shark. but he wanted to play all the time. he's like this vegan hippy, with this bus, i sat on his bus playing this game with a blanket, a coat, that whole out
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fit that effie wears. >> jimmy: so you did beat him? >> well, many times, had more points. >> jimmy: so, he may challenge your account of these events? >> yes, out of pride. >> jimmy: is it a game of skill? >> yes, and you have to have some luck. but you have to have strategy to win. >> jimmy: he's a very competitive person, though. >> he plays dominos, and i didn't lose a lot of money to him. >> jimmy: you didn't gamble with him. how old are your children? >> 2 and 3. >> jimmy: they can't do anything, and yet they can do everything, right? >> right, we're just getting
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them out of the strollers. we went to legoland. putting off disney. the last time i went to disney world -- is it land here? disneyland, my new phone was broken by goofy. he has these giant, white hands. the paws. >> jimmy: four fingers. >> he comes over, we do the pose with my phone. my friend hands the phone back, and his giant hand smashes my phone. smashes into a million pieces. i was like -- goofy! and this was his reaction, they're not allowed to talk. he was like -- [ cheers and applause ]
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for real? like -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hard to apologize when you're goofy. >> i hope the person inside was a little upset. >> jimmy: i'm sure they were in tears. good luck with your movie. it's "the hunger games: mockingjay part one." elizabeth banks, everybody. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ double wings, extra ranch. we need to do something different. callahan's? ehh, i mean get away. like away away. road trip? double wings, extra ranch. it feels good to mix it up. the all-new, fuel-efficient
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks for coming. nickelback and john mulaney. my trusty security guard guillermo is always by my side during the show, but that's only one hour out of the day. i often wonder what he does with the rest of his time here at work, so i bought guillermo an early holiday gift, this sharper image hd action cam. i had him wear this on his head all day to give me a guillermo's eye view of exactly what is going on. ♪ >> guillermo: hey, brandon. what's going on? >> just having some breakfast.
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>> guillermo: that's my favorite meal of the morning. i'm hungry. very, very hungry. this is going to be good! now, what? maybe some music? yeah. and i will get some holiday shopping done. ducky. oh. this music made me very sleepy. i'm late! oh, no! oh, no! please, no! no! >> guillermo, you almost missed lunch. >> guillermo: i know, that was scary. oh, i want some of this. yummy. oh, the music again?
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a very funny guy, and he has his own tv show to prove it. watch him alongside martin short on "mulaney," which is moving to sunday nights at 7:30 on fox. please say hello to john mulaney. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: good to see you. >> good to see you, too. >> jimmy: are you on facebook? did you participate on national unfriend day? >> i did not participate.
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i am on facebook. i'm a big supporter of your national unfriend day. >> jimmy: well, not really, not a big support fer you didn't do it. >> i'm not in a position to get rid of friends at the moment. >> jimmy: why do you say that? >> well, i need people. i like facebook. because it's so, you know. it's so uncool and unfiltered. twitter, 140 characters, you put your best face forward. no one does that on facebook. it's the difference between a greeting card your uncle writes you, "have a banner year," and him giving a full toast at your birthday party. >> jimmy: that's a very good way of putting it. >> it's just no one comes off well. >> jimmy: i haven't seen you since your show went on the air. congratulations on that. >> thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: are you enjoying yourself? are you thriving in this environment? >> i am so thriving in hollywood, it's ridiculous. >> jimmy: you are? >> no. no, i made the tv show and i loved making it. it's called "mulaney." martin short and elliot gould
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and myself are on it. i love mike it. and it has come out. and it's been interesting. ? what are you getting at exactly, you say been interesting? >> well, the ratings have not been good. but luckily, the reviews have also not been good. so, we're niche. we're a niche show. >> jimmy: you have a very specific audience. >> a very small, but disloyal following. >> jimmy: does that bother you? >> no, it's okay. you know, my friend, i told him -- one of the writers on the show, dan. i said, i read a review, hurt my feelings. he said, you can't take it personally. and i said, but the review was "mulaney sucks." it was weird that it's my name. and i just got married and my wife took her name. she probably wishes she kept her
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maiden name. >> jimmy: she sucks now too. >> she sucks now too, she's going to go back to her maiden name. >> jimmy: well, as far as your close family and friends, are they supportive of your show? and your work there? >> yeah, my family is. >> jimmy: i would hope so. right? >> no, they've all -- my family's been very supportive. but they know everything that happens which is a bummer because they have the internet and such. >> jimmy: oh. >> so, you know. i wish i was an adult back in the '20s when you would visit your parents, and they were just old people in bed. and you could be like, mom, i'm a bigshot, i run a represent store! and they'd be like, okay! they had no idea what was happening. back when parents were old. >> jimmy: the stocking caps on. >> yeah. now, they're young, and look like peter gallagher. yeah. so my mom knows about stuff. before i knew about it, i went back to do standup in chicago last wednesday. yeah that's where i'm from, right? so i went back last wednesday, i got off the airplane and i got
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to my parents' house. and my mom was like, i'm sorry about the time slot move. and i was like, what? she was like, i read it in "the hollywood reporter." i'm like, you read "the hollywood reporter"? she has a google alert for me. >> jimmy: oh, great, yeah. that's very good, yeah. >> i told her to turn it off, but she's like, i only read the first line. i was like, that's the mean part. it's not like "gone girl," where there's a twist and it takes awhile. but yes r. she told me about the time. >> jimmy: i read one particular review, i think on grantland, that was a good review. so maybe you were -- >> oh, thanks. >> jimmy: -- exaggerating for comic effect here. >> there have been some very nice reviews and i am exaggerating it a little. there's been some very nice pieces. i think it's a show a lot of people have enjoyed. and by the way, it's a really good thing to make should go that you love and are very proud of and have people dislike and it still be proud of it. that's a good experience.
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so i don't mind. >> jimmy: that's how my parents feel about me. they're still proud. now as far as you mentioned your doing standup, you're going to be playing carnegie hall. >> yeah. >> jimmy: which is a very big deal for any performer. >> yeah. carnegie hall. it's going to be amazing. >> jimmy: are you too young to realize what a big deal that is, carnegie hall? >> i know that it's a thing. >> jimmy: yeah, it's a thing. >> is it like classical music? >> jimmy: sometimes. i think, yeah. >> sometimes? >> jimmy: yeah, sometimes. >> no, i'm aware it's a big deal. it's famous and you walk by and it go there's carnegie hall. >> jimmy: right, and the joke, how do you get to carnegie hall. >> you have a sitcom that doesn't go well? >> jimmy: i think you're getting too down on yourself. >> no, you're right. >> jimmy: first of all, when the show's really not doing well, they cancel the show. and you're on. >> that's an excellent way to look at it. >> jimmy: thank you very much. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: secondly -- a lot of times there are a million great
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shows in history that they go back and say, oh, well, they had a little rough going at the beginning people didn't think it was good, and then it comes back to be a big deal. >> people keep telling me that. no, they do. unsolicited. you know, "caroline in the city" struggled for months. or my dad, harry truman went bankrupt six times before he became president. i'm like, okay. so six more shows and then i'll drop an atomic bomb. >> jimmy: well, things seem to be going perfectly fine for you. congratulations on getting married, that's very nice. i met your wife, she's very nice. >> yes, you gave us good advice. >> jimmy: my pleasure. you know what, i think what we do, start over, start fresh. if you've not seen the show, don't listen to people that write reviews. you know why? they have to write reviews for a living. their job is to watch television. that's no fun. nobody likes doing their job.
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>> there's "game of thrones," "orange is the new black," it's exhausting. they needed one to dislike. and i provide that service. >> jimmy: there you go it's a nice service to provide. the show is called "mulaney". they have a new time, sunday night, 7:30 on fox. and go see john live at carnegie hall, march 14th in new york. john mulaney, everybody. we'll be right back with nickelback. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ mand i'm a troubleman for pg&e. i've been with pg&e for 17 years and i work in vallejo. i grew up in vallejo
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and this is where i want to be. i ride my truck around on the same hills i rode my bike around when i was a kid. as a troubleman, if your power goes out, you call and here i am. i feel like my job is important because all the people in this community are people that i know. my family is vallejo too so i need to make sure it's safe for them. when i pull up to a house, i want customers to know i'm there to help. we need to get the power back on, that's our job. you get a good feeling from fixing stuff. ( siren wails ) ( pop music playing ) ♪ when you're ready ♪ ready, ready, ready ♪ come and get it ♪ get it, get it ♪ when you're ready, come and get it ♪ ♪ na na na na ♪ na na na na na na na ♪ ♪ when you're ready, come and get it ♪ ♪ na na na na... female announcer: it's a great big world and it can all be yours. here and only here. ♪ come and get it.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'd like to thank elizabeth banks, john mulaney, apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, but first, their new album, "no fixed address" just came out today, here with the song "what are you waiting for?" -- nickelback. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ are you waiting on a lightning strike are you waiting for the perfect night ♪ ♪ are you waiting 'til
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the time is right what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ don't you wanna learn to deal with fear don't you wanna take the wheel and steer ♪ ♪ don't you wait another minute here what are you waiting for what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you gotta go and reach for the top believe in every dream that you got ♪ ♪ you're only living once so tell me what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you know you gotta give it your all and don't you be afraid if you fall ♪ ♪ you're only living once so tell me what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ are you waiting for the right excuse are you waiting for a sign to choose ♪ ♪ while you're waiting it's the time you lose what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ don't you wanna spread your wings and fly
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don't you really wanna live your life ♪ ♪ don't you wanna love before you die what are you waiting for what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you gotta go and reach for the top believe in every dream that you got ♪ ♪ you're only living once so tell me what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you know you gotta give it your all and don't you be afraid if you fall ♪ ♪ you're only living once so tell me what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ show me what you're aiming for what you gonna save it for ♪ ♪ so what you really waiting for tell me what you're waiting for ♪ ♪ show me what you're aiming for what you gonna save it for ♪ ♪ so what you really waiting for
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everybody's gonna make mistakes ♪ ♪ but everybody's got a choice to make everybody needs a leap of faith ♪ ♪ when are you taking yours what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you gotta go and reach for the top believe in every dream that you got ♪ ♪ you're only living once so tell me what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you know you gotta give it your all and don't you be afraid if you fall ♪ ♪ you're only living once so tell me what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you gotta go and reach for the top what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ believe in every dream that you got what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you know you gotta give it your all what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you're only living
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♪ you know nothing ends this is "nightline." tonight, cosby controversy. now, yet another woman accusing bill cosby of sexual abuse. as the allegations keep coming, what happens to him now? plus, keeping up with kendall. she's not just another kardashian. she reveals why she's not afraid to go nude, and why she asked kim not to go to her show. and singl
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