>> all right that is our report. appreciate your time. >> right now on jimmy kimmel country music superstar garth brook. >> enjoy see you tomorrow. brook. >> enjoy see you tomorrow. good night >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- garth brooks. guillermo's christmas sweater world record. and from "into the woods", tracey ullman. with cleto and the cletones. and now, final warning. here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome. hi, how are you? thank you, cleto. hi, everybody, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to each and every one of

you for coming and for joining us. you know, this is a holiday night and tonight -- [ cheers and applause ] well, thank you. tonight, in case you didn't know, tonight is the first night of hanukkah. and i have to say, who better to celebrate hanukkah with than garth brooks, right? [ cheers and applause ] hanukkah, for those of you who aren't overly familiar with it, is -- the reason cashiers say happy holidays instead of merry christmas when you're at jamba juice or wherever. here in los angeles, we celebrate hanukkah by lighting a medicinal menorah. [ laughter ] makes it a lot more fun. i will say, the one gift a night thing for eight nights is a very good idea, everybody should do that. children are like goldfish. if you give them too much at once, they will explode. they will take it all and it is also good for when you give gadgets to older relatives, because it gives you more time to explain them. i like giving gadgets to my parents because it gives us something, like, to kind of work

on and talk about. when you give one of your parents or grandparents and ipad or a slingbox, a tivo, something like that, there are six things that happen. i'll tell you what they are. first, they open the gift and don't know what it is. second, in phase two, you explain what it does and how great it is. step three, your mom or dad goes, oh, yeah, pretends to know what it is, but then asks a question that reveals they clearly do not like -- so, is this a thing for the computer? and step four, you explain it again. you tell them, they'll use it all the time. they'll love it. step five, you go to their house a year later and find the gadget still in the box sitting in the laundry room. [ laughter ] and next year, you repeat it all over again. it's great. i gave my aunt chippy an ipad for her birthday. she uses it as a cigarette tray. [ laughter ] we have an ambitious plan for our show tonight. i would like you to think of this as our christmas gift to you. tonight, our parking lot security guard guillermo is going to attempt to set the

guinness world record for most christmas sweaters worn simultaneously. that's right. [ cheers and applause ] and we're going to go live now and -- i know, it's exciting. to a real live guinness official, mr. phillip roberson, who is stationed on the second floor of our building, our studio there. phillip is here to officially certify guillermo's record. i guess the first question i should ask is, what is the current record for most christmas sweaters worn? >> good evening, jimmy. the record is actually a brand new category, so, there's no record existing. >> jimmy: so, in other words, in guillermo puts on one sweater, he will set the record and the next one will break the record? >> it's not quite that simple. we've actually got a benchmark category for every record. this one is 25. >> jimmy: 25 is the number he will have to hit. now, let's have a look at guillermo. guillermo -- i have to ask -- you look excited, are you excited about this? >> a little bit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you have any guinnesses tonight to prepare

for this? >> oh, no, no. >> jimmy: you did not. what are the rules, phillip, of this competition? whatever you want to call it. >> we have to have categories and guidelines. so, in this one, the jumpers and sweaters, jumpers in british, must be commercially available. cannot be adjusted in any way. we have to make sure that all of the sweaters are pulled down below the waist and there's no time limit, but he is allowed one assistant to help put them on. >> jimmy: who comes up with the rules, by the way? >> we actually have a series of world record gremlins that work on these guidelines really hard. back at headquarters. kind of like the bankers in "harry potter." >> jimmy: and your accent is fake, correct? you are from, like, pittsburgh or something? >> i'm from pittsburgh, just close to the steelers stadium. >> jimmy: all right, all right. [ laughter ] steelers stadium. guillermo, are you ready to make history? >> i'm ready, jimmy. >> jimmy: okay, let's -- >> let's make history. >> jimmy: all right. let us make history. and here we go. look at that. that is sweater number one.

and this is -- this is like, just like watching guillermo at home get dressed. this is the kind of thing that you would see if you are lucky enough to be a relative or perhaps one of his stylists. we have sweater numero -- >> dos. >> jimmy: i was going to say dos. >> sorry, jimmy. >> jimmy: i see you got excited about your spanish language knowledge. and once that thing goes down over his waist, it is official. numero dos. very good. all right. and there -- this is going to take a long time. [ laughter ] and it's going be boring. yeah. [ laughter ] what do you think, guillermo? how are you feeling right now? >> i'm feeling great. i have a lot of energy. >> jimmy: oh, you do. okay. all right. and guillermo, can -- can he get some help from somebody? because i have a feeling we're going to start having trouble at like number nine. >> he's allowed one assistant. >> jimmy: oh, there's the assistant. oh, great. wonderful. let's put guillermo in the corner of the screen to keep tabs on him throughout the

monologue and the show. i cannot help but think about how privileged we are to witness this. you know, they don't get to do this in countries like north korea. [ laughter ] those of you who watch the show closely know we've been doing our part this month to preserve the classic holiday tv specials and we do that by giving them a modern twist. last week, we married video from rudolph the red nosed reindeer with the sounds of the maury povich show and it was very well received. there's talk it might get a peabody award nomination. but this week, we took scenes from "the year without a santa claus," you remember that one? we took the scenes from that, we combined it with audio from "the real housewives of atlanta." and with that said, it's time to enjoy a new holiday classic, the real housewives of santa. >> when your man lives many continents away, you have to learn how to keep it fresh. and you might have to open up your computer screen and uncross your legs sometimes.

>> tell me all about it, honey. >> i'm not telling you -- >> like a kitty cat. yeah! >> i must remain a lady at all times and i do not kiss and tell, but what i can say, if i do kiss something, it is not small. i try to find that out early on in the relationship, because i'm a size queen. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: let's check back in with guillermo in the corner, see how he is progressing. what number if we're up to -- that is eight going on you right now. guillermo, is it starting to feel real? >> yeah, it getting hot here. >> jimmy: it is getting hot. is your wife excited about this? >> she's never excited. >> jimmy: really? a [ laughter [ laughter ] tonight, she will get to sleep with the number one sweater wearer in the whole world. this, by the way, is what it's like when i try to dress my 5-month-old daughter. [ laughter ] you are now wearing a full flock of sheep, guillermo. >> yeah, i feel like a pinata.

>> jimmy: try not to sweat. we are hoping to be able to return these, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: you look like what should have happened to that guy that got swallowed by the snake. >> oh, no. >> jimmy: all right, get back to getting dressed. i didn't mean to interrupt. now, this this is something to ponder as we spend a lot of money on gifts this month. according to a new report from the u.s. department of the treasury, taxpayers are still losing a lot of money on pennies and nickels, producing $1's worth of pennies costs the treasury $1.66 and a dollar in nickels cost $1.62. every time we make a nickel, we lose three cents on it. and yet, the majority of americans want to keep them. we don't want to get rid of pennies and nickels because -- without them, what would we fill our ashtrays with? we would have to start smoking. [ laughter ] the nickel is one thing, but the truth is, the only thing we use pennies for is to give exact change, so we don't end up with more pennies. we lit rerally use pennies to sp

us getting more pennies. canada, you know, put a stop to pennies last year. president obama has called them obsolete. i have an idea. maybe the treasury should just glue them all to table tops and sell them on etsy. yes? [ laughter ] hey, let's check back in with guillermo. guillermo, in your opinion, should we do away with pennies? >> no, i think we should keep saving it. >> jimmy: okay, very good. you're up to nine sweaters. i don't know if you're going to be able to get up to 25. i don't know if this is physically possible. phillip, why did we set the number at 25, if no one's ever done this before? >> one of guys at the world record office tested this and actually managed to achieve 20, so -- >> jimmy: 20. oh, so, there has been a record set. >> we can't hold records ourselves. >> jimmy: you can't? oh, that's one of the many ridiculous rules at guinness. [ laughter ] is it hot in there, guillermo? >> very hot, jimmy. >> jimmy: do you feel like a champion yet? >> not yet.

>> jimmy: okay, well, keep trying them on. and -- you're like a one man ugly sweater party. >> i'm trying my best. >> jimmy: you need a shot of tequila, would that help you? >> that would help. now we're talking. >> jimmy: all right, get back to work. you know, every year, countless products are advertised on television and it can be overwhelming to try to keep track of all of them. so, with christmas fast approaching, so many people scrambling to find that perfect gift, we thought we would help out. we combed through everybody infomercial on television and we whittled it down to the cream of the holiday crop. it's time once again for our fourth annual "as seen on tv gift guide 2014." >> snuggies are more fun and sexier than ever before. they also have great new features for even cozier comfort, like pockets to hold remotes, glasses and even snacks. >> introducing ez butter. the fast, easy and safe way to cut your butter every day. >> that's totally awesome. >> cool!

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a ham dog. yum. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know, you can -- you can serve your ham dogs in your scroguard and it works out perfectly. [ laughter ] how is guillermo doing? guiller guillermo? >> yes? >> jimmy: you are starting to look muscular. i have to say. oh, that's cute. hey, guillermo? do you mind? we're trying to do a show here. what number are you, 14? >> 24, no? >> jimmy: no, not 24. you have 11 more sweaters to put on. all right? so, keep going. we're going to take a break. keep going until there are no more sweaters left on earth, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: all right. beautiful. we have a good show for you tonight. tracey ullman is here with us tonight. and we'll be right back with garth brooks, so stick around.

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>> jimmy: hello there. tonight, a very funny woman. you can see her in the new movie musical "into the woods" which opens on christmas day, tracey ullman is here with us. and we will have music from

garth brooks, on the at&t stage. tomorrow night, the great michael keaton, megyn kelly, and george ezra will be my guests and on thursday night, christine baranksi, music from jenny lewis and the incredible mel brooks. 88 years old, still as sharp and funny as any person could ever be. speaking of sharp and funny, guillermo right now is trying on sweaters. in an attempt to set the world record for -- most sweaters on a person. guillermo? >> yeah? >> jimmy: what's wrong? >> too hot! too much -- >> jimmy: it's what? >> i feel like sausage! >> jimmy: more than usual? >> way more. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so, guillermo's got a lot of christmas cheer. [ laughter ] guillermo, i've never seen you look less happy. >> you want to come and switch the jobs? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's angry.

rarely do we get to see an angry guillermo, but tonight is the night. all right, and he's going to get madder as the show goes on, so stick around. our first guest tonight is responsible for record sales that earned platinum status 134 times over, which i think means a lot of them. his newest is called "man against machine." it's available on ghosttunes, on garthbrooks.com and in the usual places, too. please welcome garth brooks. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: great to have you here. >> this is awesome. you got it going on. >> jimmy: very -- little bit of christmas spirit. >> it is going on here. you guys are nuts. >> jimmy: and if you'd like a holiday sweater, we've got a few extra we can send you home with.

>> i'm hoping he gets them all on. >> jimmy: he will get them all on. it may cost him his life, but he will get them all on. so, this is your first record in 13 years. you haven't toured -- the country, for, what, ten years or something like that. >> long time. >> jimmy: you take very long vacations. i mean, that is unbelievable. you did this primarily to raise your kids, right? >> yeah, greatest gift i've been given by god and the people, the time alotted to stay home and raise my babies. >> jimmy: that is a great thing. i mean, not for them. you were probably a pain in the ass. but -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: that is a great luxury to have. >> yeah, it is. and got to know them inside and out, which, when i came off the road, tell you the truth, i didn't. i didn't know my own children. i know them now, trust me, more than they like or that i'm comfortable with, but it just -- [ laughter ] love them, all three of them are in college now, which is why we're back on the road, to pay for tuition. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i see. >> we're out having a great time. >> jimmy: will they come with you on the tour? >> i think they had enough of dad. >> jimmy: they had enough of that. >> to tell the truth. >> jimmy: your tours now i'm

guessing are very different than the tours you took when you were first starting out. >> a little bit, yes. >> jimmy: when you were first starting, did you go around in a bus? was that it? >> no, a van. >> jimmy: a van. that's worse than a bus. >> we had seven of us in a six-passenger van and all our gear. thank god we didn't sell any concessions. we wouldn't have had any place to put it. >> jimmy: seven in one van. >> we got our first bus, what i loved about our first bus, it smelled so bad, your clothes reeked of diesel. if you wanted to go reverse, you had to get out in push it. it was fantastic. it's those days that make you love these days. >> jimmy: yeah, right. now you have a jet. the jet doesn't go in reverse, either, though. >> they got that little guy with the tug that comes out and pushes you around. >> jimmy: we talked about this. we had dinner once. we talked about you -- sounds like a fantastic thing to be able to do, you play baseball, you signed a minor league

contract with the san diego padres and played with the mets and the royals, also. was that the most fun thing you've ever had the opportunity to do? >> the most fun, the most scary thing i've ever done. these guys got it all backwards. you roll into an arena, everybody that's there is for you. you roll into a baseball park. if you're lucky, half of them are for you -- >> jimmy: in new york, most of them hate you, yeah. >> it's -- you know, it's -- in my gig, i hear "i love you garth" by guys and girls. which is nice. and in baseball, you hear, "i hate your music, too." and then -- it was a little rough. >> jimmy: was it scary? standing in against major league pitchers? >> these guys took it easy on me. the guys were sweet. the probably is just hitting where they weren't. they can cover a ton of ground and since i'm so fast -- [ laughter ] surprised i didn't make it to first base before the ball did. everybody treated me great, launched the charity and for 15

years this charity has been screaming and thanks to baseball, hockey, football, all the guys, 4,000 professional athletes now. >> jimmy: 4,000. wow. that is -- >> these guys are sweet, sweet, god gifted athletes that just want to help kids and their spouses are the boss of the family like everybody, it's a team thing. >> jimmy: your wife, would you consider your wife to be the boss of your family? >> you had dinner with us. would you consider her? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, probably. you guys are on tour together. >> yes. >> jimmy: does that change things? is the band better behaved of that? >> on stage, when she comes on, there's a whole different presence. if it's just garth, it's like, hey, garth! yeah! and when she comes on, it's just like, oh. everybody stands up straighter. she comes out and does her thing. on the bus, on the plane, no, she's one of the guys. she's one of the guys more than the guys are. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: because a lot of times when -- guys behave differently when the wives show up. they're polite, you go, who the hell is this? >> no, she's every guy's dream.

you can take her to an award show and just everyone just gasps about how beautiful she is. how sweet she is. on the bus with the guys at night, she likes sports, she can talk more trash than any guy. >> jimmy: she loves cooking, also. that's what i was talking to her about. and do you do any cooking in the house? >> i answered this that night but you don't remember it because you didn't look away from her the whole night. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's called being polite, garth. >> you guys were talking about food, food, food. and so, yeah, i love to eat, she loves to cook so that's why we make a good couple. >> jimmy: that is a very good deal. you don't have any specialties, occasionally you'll take over? >> you know, i'll do a thing called a breakfast bowl every now and then. >> jimmy: what is in a breakfast bowl? >> what's not. this interview is going to be shorter. let's try that. i don't know what isn't. >> jimmy: anything you have in the house? >> everything you got. back it up to the bowl and put it in there. when people, when you go to restaurant, what can i get you? i just usually say "a lot." that's my thing. people think it's easy to weigh 260, but you got to work at it.

but the breakfast bowl, ham, potatoes, biscuit chunks, it's got tortellini in it. >> jimmy: what? >> that's what makings it the bo bomb, right there. >> jimmy: it is literally a bomb that is being planted in your heart. [ laughter ] that would be a great country song, by the way. bomb planted in your heart. think about it in 13 years when you make the next cd. [ laughter ] garth brooks is here. we'll be right back. we're going to take a break.

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>> jimmy: we are back with garth brooks. this is his new album, it's called "man against machine." this is a very scary album cover. i have to say -- you are a very nice guy, but if i were to only know you from this -- [ laughter ] extremely intimidating. >> yes. thank you. >> jimmy: that's the same hat i'm seeing here. do you have a bunch of hats like that or is it just the one you stick with? >> no, yeah, you got a bunch of them. >> jimmy: you do, okay. i didn't know how that worked, if there's one hat -- >> you can only wear one at a time. well, might try the guinness book -- >> jimmy: that would be something. >> next christmas. >> jimmy: you could get at least 25 hats on your head. that would be a wonderful thing to do.

what is your plan for the holiday? >> just to, you know, if you -- our babies are doing their own thing. three girls, they are busy. just to have them around one table for 20 freaking minutes. >> jimmy: will they look at their phones the whole time? >> yes, they will. >> jimmy: you have that problem. >> just to have them there to know where they are, they're safe. >> jimmy: that is nice. that is a nice thing to have. when you're on tour, which you are going on again, how do you keep -- like, how do -- i know you are doing songs that you've been doing for a long time. you have the new album, you'll do songs. you have to get people to learn them. by the way, my wife says she cries, with the song that you're going -- >> with "mom." >> jimmy: each time she hears it because we have a baby at home. how do you keep yourself entertained? do you talk during the performances? >> never seen a garth show, have you? i can tell you -- >> jimmy: i'm talking about, not for the crowd. i'm talking about, in between each of you. >> i'm telling you, if you've seen a garth show, that answer is there. the people that work the hardest at the garth show and

garth, the people that sing the most at the garth show, and garth -- it's the crowd. this is awesome, man. [ applause ] you know, you go to a garth show, one, you better be in shape to come to a garth show. you bring your helmet and your cup, because you're going to need both of them. and it's a wild time, man. you just sit and watch them, you laugh the whole time and you're going, wait a minute, you're paying me to come here while i'm watching you. this is great. >> jimmy: this sounds like a really bad business transaction. >> and i come out at the lucky end of it every night. and, you know, we were talk about, we started in chicago and it went from one show to 11, in those 11 shows, surely you're going to find one show that wasn't as good as the other ten, somewhere in there, got to be -- wasn't a stinker in the bunch. in little rock, it was one of the best shows i've been apart of. not because of me or the band, because the crowd was -- >> jimmy: is that what makes it a great show, the reaction of the crowd? >> if you're going to say, what makes garth brooks the best show? it doesn't have anything to do with garth brooks. trust me. >> jimmy: really? >> justin timberlake came to the

show the other night. right? >> jimmy: did he? >> i'm sitting there goes, this guy's 1,000 times more talented than i'll ever be, he's having a great time. the crowd was letting him be the guy. he was wonderful. didn't have anything to do with garth brooks, but the crowds that come see us up against any artist out there. >> jimmy: your crowds are going to fight other people's fans? [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow, this would be a fun -- this would be quite an event. >> since we're country music, my odds are on our people. >> jimmy: i think everybody better look out, yeah. well, great to have you here. thank you so much. you're going to do a song for us later in the show. >> sure am. >> jimmy: garth brooks. this is the cd. it's called "man against machine." we'll be right back. we'll check in with guillermo, too.

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>> jimmy: welcome back. tracey ullman and music from garth brooks on the way. but first, we are on the brink right now of setting a major world record. here to set the world record for most christmas sweaters on a single person, please welcome guillermo! guillermo, come on out! [ cheers and applause ]

you look like a human tomato. now, phillip, our judge, is here to make this official. wow, your body is so hard. >> can i tell you something? >> jimmy: yes. >> you don't pay me enough for this [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: by the way, don't be a wise guy, because if we leave you like this, you'll be in this thing forever. all right, very good. guillermo is wearing 24 christmas sweaters. have you ever worn more sweaters than this in your life? >> no, only two. >> jimmy: only two. all right. two? why two? all right, well, go ahead. put the sweater on guillermo. this will be number 25. would you like some -- oh, i can't help. the rules are, there can only be one assistant. the stupidest rules i've ever

heard. guillermo, how are you feeling right now? excited? thrilled? are you pumped? >> i want to go pee. >> jimmy: just go pee right there in your elf trousers. that's how they do it at the north pole. guillermo is being stuffed not unlike a sausage into his christmas sweater, violently by this wardrobe elf. once this thing goes around his belly -- ladies and gentlemen, we have a new world record! congratulations. congratulations, guillermo. we got you a woman. wow. can you use your words to express what you are feeling right now? what emotions are going through your head right now? >> thank god it's over. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: not much -- you want to go for 30 sweaters? or should we stay put? >> next year. >> jimmy: next year. all right, guillermo, everybody.

give yourself a round of applause. [ cheers and applause ] >> it's my pleasure to welcome you to the guinness world record you have worn the most sweaters simultaneously with 25. please accept this plaque -- sorry -- >> jimmy: wow. and he's wearing a plaque, too. >> congratulations. >> jimmy: thank you, phillip. thank you, guillermo. for more amazing records, the guinness world records 2015 edition is out right now. we'll be right back with tracey ullman, so stick around.

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>> jimmy: i've never seen him so upset before, i really haven't. we still have music from garth brooks to come. our next guest is a seven-time emmy award winner and one of the most talented people on either side of the atlantic ocean. you can see her alongside meryl streep, chris pine, emily blunt and anna kendrick in the new movie, "into the woods."

please welcome tracey ullman. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> very good. very good. >> jimmy: good to have you here. >> nice to see you again. >> jimmy: i always love to see you. this movie, for those that don't know, "into the woods" is a musical, a fairy tale in which various characters like little red riding hood, et cetera, come together and you play jack and the bean stalk's mom. momma bean stalk. >> i do, yes. everyone's done this show in high school, i'm told. >> jimmy: my brother was in this in high school. >> what part did he play, jimmy? >> jimmy: he played the huntsman. >> that didn't get featured in the film. that got cut. >> jimmy: it did? my brother got cut out of the film?

>> the huntsman? i don't know. >> jimmy: i don't know what it is. >> my son played jack in his middle school. >> jimmy: this is not a competition, i mean -- [ laughter ] >> and that mart made the movie. that was a significant role. >> jimmy: i feel like i know more people that were in the play "into the woods" than actually have gone into the woods -- the actual woods themselves. >> yeah. so -- >> jimmy: your son played jack? >> yeah, he did, in middle school. i went and watched him every night. because i'm obsessed with my son. ten nights. >> jimmy: oh, really? all ten nights? >> yeah, it was like the crap paper mache cow. there's been lots of those in "into the woods." >> jimmy: you have a real cow in the movie. >> i have a real cow in the movie. we have kids in the movie. >> jimmy: real kids. not paper mache kids. your son's performance compare to the actor who played jack in jack and the bean stalk -- whose performance did you prefer? >> well, i mean -- but daniel, who plays jack, in the movie, is fantastic. i mean, it's -- it's just brilliant. but you know, of course, i

prefer johnny's performance. with the paper mache cow. and he has a little belt on and -- the huntsman -- i don't remember that role. he was around somewhere. but -- i took johnny to the premiere. >> jimmy: the woodsman? >> there wasn't a woodsman. jimmy, give it up. your brother's role was -- >> jimmy: what about the bouncy bounty paper towels guy, was he in this? >> um -- no, no. really throwing me now. >> jimmy: my brother's going to kill me when he gets back. you have a picture here from the premiere. >> yes. took johnny to the premiere. >> jimmy: so -- we're going to see -- this is stephen sondheim who is a legend, who wrote the musical. and this is how he dressed for the premiere. >> isn't it nice to be able to be -- he's a genius, living legend. i want to wear something like that to a premiere. we all have to get so gussied up. can you imagine if someone said, what are you wearing? uh, wool. you know, us, we have to wear

the spanx, the old ovary crushers. let's face it, girls, spanx are ovary rushers. i have to say it. >> jimmy: do you feel that way? >> ovary crushers. they are. [ applause ] >> jimmy: they seem dangerous. >> thank you very much. and look who is here, photo bombing. johnny, little man. >> jimmy: that's your son? getting in the way of the picture. >> man with popcorn and soda ruined photograph of living legend. >> jimmy: yes, yes. there he is. >> that mayor bloomberg? >> jimmy: no, that is not. >> that looks like your ex, sarah silverman. >> jimmy: hold on. let me look here. no, that's not her, either. everybody's in there. you're imagining things. none of those people are in there. are you on -- >> am i on what? >> jimmy: are you on lithium right now? [ laughter ] are you on twitter or facebook? >> no. >> jimmy: instagram, any of that stuff? >> i don't do any of that. i'm so anti-social. i know it seems amazing. i'm cripplingly shy, as you can

see. no, i joined facebook for about ten minutes and the girl that i didn't get on with at school, the one that was always trying to be your friend, contacted immediately. hello, it's me. do you like me? you were talking about me in the program today and i'm like, oh, no, this is what happens, all these people come back to haunt you. so, i took myself -- >> jimmy: it's a lot of nonsense. you don't want those people to track you down. >> no. no. so, but i might try it again. >> jimmy: you might? >> get millions of people -- for the kids, you have to try to get the young audience. a lot of kids, you got a lot of kids on your twitter. >> jimmy: i do have some kids. >> the twitter thing. you like it. it's good for you. >> jimmy: squider? you may have just invented something. >> squider. think about that one. >> jimmy: squider. now, christine baranski told "vanity fair" that you, she and meryl streep were drinking a lot or hanging around a lot and

were closing bars down. >> in london. >> jimmy: yes, in london, shooting the film. >> christine, honestly, she's coming on the show. she made it sound like we were doing heroin in picadilly. three women in their 50s have an extra bottle of wine, it becomes this extraordinary -- >> jimmy: she's exaggerating this scenario? >> we got a bit drunk one night. i was a nightmare. we just heard that we thought we had an early call and then we suddenly didn't, so, we went -- another bottle! meryl's like, okay, peanut. that's meryl streep impersonation. okay, peanut, we're drinking. >> jimmy: is that her nickname? that's pretty good. >> oh, i get called pumpkin, peanut. she talks like someone from 1949. [ laughter ] you know, i love being on this -- but she's a living legend. i love being on this film with her, because i know her so well. i would say things like, to the crew, she's such a nightmare. she's such a bitch.

it all about her. you know, and she's a living legend, oh, sure. but i'm just sick of it and it's really -- she kicked the cow and people would think i was being really serious, you know, because i'm the only one that can trash her, and they'd be in shock, you know, because you're talking about meryl like this, i went, oh, she's such an old bitch. >> jimmy: i'm realizing, it's probably for the best that you are not on twitter or facebook. [ laughter ] >> because i just do more than -- >> jimmy: people don't understand. >> she's my mate. going to love me. what are they, girls? ovary crushers. thank you. just wanted everyone to say it. >> jimmy: that would be a great slogan for them. wow, yeah. >> see the wobble. >> jimmy: you're not kidding around. >> the old bingo wing. look at that. >> jimmy: always a great treat -- >> you can't stop me now, jimmy. i'm going to talk about soul cycle, bazecause i want some fr classes.

>> jimmy: what about soul cycle? >> your wife goes there, so i've been told. >> jimmy: she does. >> it's not moist, your hand. >> jimmy: it isn't. >> some people are very moist. >> jimmy: i know. i'm not a moist person. you know what i do? i try not to stay hydrated. [ laughter ] nothing goes in, nothing comes out. >> really? and you were totally cathetered? >> jimmy: no, no, i'm not. >> depends? you should. >> jimmy: i wear lower spanx, yes. what about soul cycle? >> it's great. >> jimmy: you like it? >> i do. but oprah steals all the best instrong or thei instruct instructors. >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> she steals them. you get someone you really like and suddenly she's got them. i think she's got everybody. >> jimmy: she takes people? >> she takes nutritionists. she takes soul cycle instructors. i got this theory that she keeps people she wants in that big apartment in chicago and, like, surgeons come out and go, i'd like to operate on real people. no, go back in your room! [ laughter ] me and gayle might need an operation.

okay, okay oprah. she collects people like faberge eggs. [ laughter ] i'm really in trouble now. let's list it. meryl streep, i wiped out. oprah winfrey, i wiped it out. spanx, i definitely wiped out. >> jimmy: stay off social media. >> and we started off trashing your poor little brother. >> jimmy: he was the best huntsman. >> was he good? >> jimmy: he was the only huntsman there was. it's very nice to see you. >> very happy to see you. >> jimmy: thank you for coming. tracey ullman, everybody. "into the woods," christmas day. and we'll be right back with music from garth brooks.

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>> jimmy: i want to thank tracey ullman and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, but first, this is his new album. it's called "man against machine." here with the song "mom," garth brooks! ♪ ♪ little baby told god

hey i'm kind of scared don't really know if i want to go down there ♪ ♪ from here it looks like a little blue ball that's a great big place and i'm so small ♪ ♪ why can't i just stay here with you did i make you mad don't you want me too ♪ ♪ god said oh child of course i do but there's somebody special waiting for you ♪ ♪ so hush now little baby don't you cry cause there's someone ♪ ♪ down there waiting whose only goal in life ♪

♪ is making sure you're always gonna be all right a loving angel ♪ ♪ tender tough and strong come on child ♪ ♪ it's time to meet your mom ♪ when she's talking to you ♪ make sure you listen close ♪ she's gonna teach you everything you'll ever need to know ♪ ♪ like how to mind your manners ♪ ♪ to love in life and dream ♪ she'll put you on the path ♪ that will bring you back to me ♪ ♪ so hush now little baby don't you cry cause there's

someone down there waiting whose only goal in life ♪ ♪ is making sure you're always gonna be all right a loving angel ♪ ♪ tender tough and strong come on child it's time to meet your mom ♪

this is "nightline." >> tonight, the search expands for the missing airasia jet with 162 souls on board, now believed to be at the bottom of the sea. how could another plane disappear into thin air? the clues officials are using to guide their desperate hunt. plus, nearly a dozen number one hits -- >> that's what i'm talking about. >> this year has been a roller coaster ride for country music's golden boy. >> what's up, "nightline"? >> tonight, luke bryan sings his way across america. >> let me see it. >> he shows us how to shake it. and can you party your way into the new year without ending up like these guys? >> you okay, buddy? >> no, i'm in so much pain right now.