>> all right that's our report tonight. we appreciate your time. >> right now on jimmy kimmel scandal star kerry washington. >> right now on jimmy kimmel scandal star kerry washington. >> tell see you tomorrow >> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- kerry washington, dave salmoni and wild animals, "this week in unnecessary censorship," and music from ne-yo with cleto and the cletones. and now, mark my words, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> jimmy: hi, there, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. i say we have a good show in store for you almost every night. and that usually turns out to be a lie. but tonight this show is going to be a great one. from "scandal," olivia pope herself, kerry washington is here. there's a return of tgit tonight early over abc, new episodes of "grey's anatomy," "scandal," "how to get away with murder." this truly is the golden age of people having sex on television. kerry will be here, as is ne-yo, and dave salmoni is here with a tiger cub, a red-tailed boa constrictor, and a cheetah.

now i'm told this is the first time a cheetah has ever appeared on a talk show without a cage and the reason why is they're too fast and too dangerous to be around a group of people. don't worry, it can only kill one person at a time. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it hasn't started, guillermo. planning to watch the game on sunday, if you're an american, you should. you should know volvo is giving away new cars. when you see a car commercial during the game, any car commercial, not just volvo, you could tweet using #volvocontest, and tell volvo about someone you think deserves a new car. maybe they'll give them one. and then you won't have to get them anything for christmas. to show you how it works volvo gave us a brand-new volvo se-60 and we are going to give to it someone nice. my cousin sal is at a car wash,

it's not too far from here, let's go to him. sal, how are you doing? >> sal: hey, jimmy, what's going on? >> jimmy: tell us what you're about -- >> sal: we're going to give away a car, hopefully. a brand-new 2015 volvo se-60. >> jimmy: what sort of person are you looking for here? >> sal: i don't know. you can help me pick. but probably just the first one that rolls up so we can get out of here. >> jimmy: all right, all right. let's find someone who's as nice as their car is crappy, okay? tell us about the vehicle you're giving away. >> sal: oh my god. it's white. it's in the corner. there's something with a green button in the middle i have to press. >> jimmy: sound s s amazing. you can tell cousin sal sa car guy. let us know when you find someone. >> sal: i'll let you know when somebody worthy pulls up. >> jimmy: great, excellent. we will surprise someone with a car. they're going to pull in, think

their car's being washed. when it comes out it will be new. this is an interesting statistic. facebook, you know facebook, right? now has more people on it than china has in it. 1.39 billion people now use facebook. that means if facebook were a country it would be the largest and most annoying country on ear earth. a staggering number. if facebook was a country it would be the only country whose leader wears a hoodie in all the world. somebody's pulling up. now, that's already nice, that's a nice car. hold on. i don't like this one. >> sal: sure. >> i wash mid car the day before yesterday, it rained. do you do rain checks? >> sal: at our discretion. you kind of have to check the forecast and stuff, you know? i don't think we're going to give this guy a free car. >> jimmy: yes, no. >> sal: he didn't check the weather. pull through. >> jimmy: all right, keep

looking. give him a free undercarriage wash or something. we need somebody who needs it, somebody who is had a bad, old car. president obama was in india this week. while he was there they took him to a parade which has got to be fun. oh, great, a parade. if only i was 6 years old. during the parade, cameras caught him pulling gum out of his mouth as the indian prime minister was talking to him. and they put the gum back in. needless to say no one was more upset about this than donald trump. donald trump took to instagram to give the president and the world his thoughts on this important matter. >> the people of india are going crazy that president obama was constantly chewing gum. and then on top of that, he took it out of his mouth, put it back. you can't do it. it's disgusting. >> jimmy: that's his inside voice, by the way. [ laughter ] i know a lot of people don't want to hear donald trump but i do. he's a passionate man. he's also very upset about a couple of new movies that are

coming out. >> they're remaking indiana jones without harrison ford, you can't do that. now they're making ghost busters with only women. what's going on? >> jimmy: i have no idea. he's angry about movies that haven't come out yet. le let's go back to the car wash. cousin sal is there. we have -- that van looks promising, that's all right. >> sal: hi, how are you? >> how are you? >> jimmy: looking for a car wash? >> regular car wash, please. >> jimmy: step out, please. what's your name? >> step out? >> sal: sure, yeah. kids back there, huh? >> yeah, my daughter sawyer. >> sal: a couple of questions for you. do you want a complimentary air freshener? >> sure. >> sal: we have a lot of different smells, flavors to choose from. >> like vanilla or something? >> sal: we have new car smell, licorice, lavender, cherry, citrus, vanilla. >> vanilla.

>> sal: eucalyptus, peppermint. >> vanilla's good. >> sal: lemongrass, rainwater, fresh laundry, lily of the valley. >> vanilla is good. >> sal: puppy. >> puppy? >> sal: pumpkin spice, juniper. >> i think vanilla. >> sal: have a nil what? okay. vanilla. you don't want chamomile? >> no, that's okay, vanilla. >> sal: all right. you know, our buddy miguel over there has been here 40 years, i don't know if you can see him. he's got like carpal tunnel syndrome. they call it raghands in the business. randall, we're chipping in a couple of bucks say, if you want to throw one on top? do you mind? >> sure. >> sal: that's nice of you. thank you. yeah, cash, we don't want to have to report it to the irs. okay, wow. that's nice. all right. that's great. i mean, if he could wave with

his raghand he would. what do you i do do for a living? >> i'm a mom and a nurse. >> sal: okay, mom and a nurse. >> sal: >> jimmy: oh, that's good. >> sal: go right in there and pay. >> just in here? >> sal: yeah, yeah, yeah. we'll see you soon. did thing is filthy, we'll take care of it, you won't recognize it when it comes out. all right, jimmy? this one? >> jimmy: yes, yes, you? >> sal: i think it's great. she's a nurse, she has a heart attack she can take care of herself. >> jimmy: all right. perfect, all right. so this will be good, all right. so we'll let her think her car's being washed then rejoin them in a little bit and fries her. the average price of a 30-second commercial during the super bowl this year is a record $4.5 million. which is a lot of money to sell pizza to people whose faces are already stuffed with pizza, you know? a price tag of that magnitude, it raises a ve meaningful question. that question is how is it even

remotely boss that i believe godaddy has $4.5 million? domain names that aren't even theirs, they don't belong to them. why would anyone pay $4.5 million for a television commercial when you can pay a guy six bucks an hour to spin a sign on any corner you want? they say super bowl sunday is the second-biggest eating day of the year after grand parents' day. the average american will consume 2,400 calories during the game. one nutrition expert says the reason this happens is because you're so busy paying attention to the game, you don't realize what's going in your mouth. i think that's true. last year, you remember this, last year i ate a nine-volt battery and a snow globe. americans will eat an estimated 11 million pounds of potato chips, 8 million pounds of tortilla chips, 4 million pounds of pop are popcorn, 3 million pounds of nuts, and exactly four carrots from the vegetable tray.

let's go back to the car wash where a nurse is about to get a big surprise. there she is. okay. with her daughter. now, she has a minivan. that's not it. oh, that's the new -- that's the volvo. se-60. and there's cousin sal. that's a nice touch, he's putting a bow on it. all right. well, that's good. >> sal: excuse me. jill, right? >> yes. >> how did you spell your last name? >> lamb. >> sal: lamb. okay. oh, okay. jill lamb. jill lamb? oh, you're jill lamb? >> yeah. >> sal: this is your new 2015 volvo se-60, congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] >> sal: congratulations. isn't that fun? and here's the $10.

thanks for chipping in. let me take your ice cream now. yeah. say thank you to jimmy kimmel. >> oh my goodness! thank you, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: you're welcome, you're welcome, enjoy. >> thank you! oh my goodness. >> jimmy: all right. thank you to volvo, congratulations to jill. that was nice, right? nobody ever gets quite as excited as they should with this stuff, right? the big story this week, for better or worse, what is the media has been referring to, annoyingly, as deflategate. when the patriots played the colts in the afc championship game, somehow air came out of some of the balls that they used. patriots quarterback tom brady and coach bill belichick have spent a lot of time this week denying they had anything to do with that. the nfl now is reportedly focusing on a patriots locker room attendant. they want to know if he did it, and if he did do it, why did tom brady ask him to do it? because if he did, that means he

lied to everyone in this press conference. when there's a high-profile crime, all of a sudden a bunch of people come forward and claim they did it. like when the lindbergh baby was kidnapped a bunch of people confessed. same with the black dahlia murder. i don't know if these people were trying to protect tom brady, or if they want attention, they're mentally ill, but already a half dozen people have come forward. >> hello. i'm dip owe shannon from duxburry. january 18th of this year, i followed the new england patriots into gillette stadium. i gained access to the locker room. and i squeezed all the footballs wicked hard. that is why the balls were deflated. >> hi. i'm duffy higgins from roslindale. i deflated tom brady's footballs. >> i'm donnel o'donnell.

a couple of sundays back i'm in the locker room at foxborough, i'm tom brady's kids' tutor, the goodyear blimp is going down, it's careening into the stadium. we hear the captain yell, we need air too save the day! >> funny story. my nephew, 8 years old, he's hacking up a lung, coughing bad, says he got bronchitis. i said, i'm not leaving the game, i paid a lot of money for these seats. >> a guy named tom told me the balls were too big. he got a hyundai elan tra. he does laugh a hyundai so i think he's telling the truth. >> i don't want to squeeze all the air into his little lungs because, you know, i don't want to ruin the football. so i just take a little bit of air out of most of them. 11 out of 12 of them. and it does the trick. it absolutely saves his lungs. >> so i let some of the air out of the balls to release the genie. now, in retrospect, not smart. >> sucking air out of the

regulation balls in order to save those people's lives. i saved 17 people's lives. tom brady had nothing to do with it. let me tell you something, if he did, he would have done the same thing because he's a [ bleep ] hero. >> i deflated those balls myself. all right, i did it, i'm the perpetrator. you don't want to believe me? there's nothing i can say to change your mind? i'm turning myself in. i'm from roslyndale, massachusetts. if you don't believe me, go [ bleep ] yourself. i love you, touchdown tommy! >> it was me. >> it was all me. >> it was totally me. >> i am the locker room guy. >> i am the locker room guy. >> i'm the locker room guy. >> i'm the locker room guy. >> take a good look, america, i'm the locker room guy. >> leave tom brady alone. >> tom brady had nothing to do with this because he was too busy being awesome. >> let me ask you a question, right? who are you going to believe? tom brady? the greatest man in all of humanity? or a bunch of [ bleep ] on twitter? hm.

>> six super bowls, three championships, two mvps. and those lips. >> amen. those lips. >> it wasn't brady. >> i'm lucky to play with those footballs with his piercing blue eyes. >> belichick was my chemistry teacher. he understands [ bleep ]. you don't [ bleep ]. >> my name is tubby and i acted alone. >> do you know why you acted alone? >> no. >> because nobody wants to act with you. that's why you acted alone. >> you're brilliant. >> go pats! >> there we go. go patriots. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i think it was the last guy. we have music from ne-yo, dave salmoni brought animals, "this week in unnecessary censorship." we'll be right back with kerry washington so stick around! [ cheers and applause ]

♪ we did it charlie. at&t's network now has the nation's strongest lte signal. let's go tell everybody. we're doing things like putting lte radio's at the top of our towers. to maximize power. and give you the strong signal you deserve. that's awesome! isn't is awesome?! so ya'll optimizied it? we optimized it! people of earth... oh boy... ...america's strongest lte signal is here! wow! [ narrator ] on a mission to get richard to his campbell's chunky soup. it's new chunky beer-n-cheese with beef and bacon soup. i love it. and mama loves you. ♪

try zyrtec-d® to powerfully clear your blocked nose and relieve your other allergy symptoms... so you can breathe easier all day. zyrtec-d®. find it at the pharmacy counter. zyrtec-d®. it means another neighbor is going to sleep better tonight because they went to sleep train's ticket to tempur-pedic event. find the tempur-pedic that's right for you and see why they're the most highly recommended bed

in america. plus, get three years interest-free financing. sleep risk-free with sleep train's 100 day money back guarantee. and of course, free same-day delivery. are you next? announcer: make sleep train your ticket to tempur-pedic. ♪ your ticket to a better night's sleep ♪

you'll connect withnte, your doctor any time, anywhere. another way care and coverage together makes life easier. ♪ become a member of kaiser permanente. because together, we thrive. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: hello, again. tonight from animal planet with a zoo full of wild animals to enchant and terrify us, dave salmoni is here. later on this is his new cd, it's called "nonefiction." ne-yo from the at&t outdoor stage. with help from juicy j. next week mila kunis, magic johnson, jeff bridges, lauren cohan, and this is exciting, something i've been working on for quite some time. monday night our first-ever music mashup. monday we will combine with zz top to form super group weezy top. we'll do this every monday night this month. we have good ones planned for you also. after ten agonizing weeks tonight we found out what happened to our first guest's

imperiled character olivia pope. unfortunately she's not allowed to tell me anything about it. "scandal" airs thursdays here on abc. please welcome kerry washington! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> hi! >> jimmy: you look fantastic. >> thank you. >> jimmy: how's life? >> life is really great. you know, a little girl at home. >> jimmy: yes. >> it's great. >> jimmy: very sweet, a lot of fun. >> we've got to get them together. >> jimmy: yeah, sure. mine just really eats things and grabs hair and stuff like that. >> they have that in common. that's why the hair's up a lot these day. >> you have a big weekend ahead. it's your bird day. >> it is. >> jimmy: then super bowl. >> all of that for my birthday, wow. >> jimmy: they are cheering for your birthday. >> that's how i feel around the super bowl. i have the only birthday with a halftime. >> jimmy: that's nice. has your birthday happened on the super bowl?

>> it has, a couple of years it has been perfect alignment. i feel like the whole nation is partying for me. you can't tell i'm an only child, can you? >> jimmy: yeah, i guess so. what were your birthdays like when you were a kid? >> they were pretty -- as an only child, my mom always would give me a theme party if i wanted one. and -- but you know, it was important to my mother that i had toys that reflected lots of different cultures. so i had a lot of black dolls and brown barbies and that was important to her. so she was devastated one year when i requested a princess theme birthday. but the princess was snow white. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. well, yeah. >> my mother was like, uh, okay. >> jimmy: if you're going to have diversity you've got to work snow white in there. >> embrace everybody. embrace everybody. now, you know, i could have asked for a mulan or jasmine or -- >> jimmy: things have changed, yeah. do you still get gifts from your mother at this age? >> i do. i tend to send something to my parents because --

>> jimmy: on your birthday? >> i do. because i feel like -- well, now i have to do it too because they're going to see the show. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i got to like overnight it because tomorrow's friday. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. you're in trouble. >> usually i do because i feel like they did all the work. i just came out. they did all the work. i like to put something inappropriate on the card. thanks for getting it on. >> jimmy: right, yeah. that's very sweet. >> if you know my mother, you can imagine she's like, uh. >> jimmy: speaking of getting it on, "scandal" returns tonight. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i haven't watched it yet. i have mixed feelings about talking about it with you. >> i'm not going to spoil it. i'm not going to do any big spoilers for you. >> jimmy: i didn't get it until this afternoon and i watched it with my wife -- >> you used to get it ahead of time, you must have pissed off -- >> jimmy: she doesn't trust me. i can't imagine why. i've never revealed anything. >> that's true. >> jimmy: i saw the tin in all

low of "breaking bad" which is on another network, days before it went on the air. >> all right, well. >> jimmy: yeah. >> sorry. >> jimmy: speak to shanda for me. because i don't like to watch these things in my office. my wife and i will sit at home and we can absorb it fully. >> i hope you like it. >> jimmy: just to catch people up, i think it was november was the last episode we saw before tonight. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is what happened at the end of the episode in november. >> hey, i'm going to go for it. we were very athletic. ♪ liz? >> jimmy: olivia pope disappeared. >> that's the first clip i've done for a show where i'm not in the clip, i love it. it's the absence of me. >> jimmy: that is true. >> it's cool. it's cool. >> jimmy: a lot of power that way. >> yeah. >> jimmy: true or false. >> yes? >> jimmy: you ran to the kitchen to get paper towels to clean the couch.

[ laughter ] >> the character olivia? or the actor kerry? kerry ran to get the towels. i can't tell you. false. >> jimmy: okay. >> that's a spoiler. >> jimmy: you were kidnapped, yes? >> yeah. >> jimmy: do we know who kidnapped you? >> i do. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: does america tonight know who kidnapped you? >> for those of you who have watched the show, you kind of know. >> jimmy: kind of? >> kind of. >> jimmy: i see. how can you kind of know? >> that's how it is in shanda land. kind of as in kind of being pregnant, no. you kind calf know. >> jimmy: you're still tweeting during the episode? will you be tweeting -- >> i guess we seem very nervous. we don't want to say things we're not supposed to say. i like my job and i don't want to get fired. >> jimmy: i think you're safe, i really do. >> after "game of thrones" i feel like nobody's safe on any

show ever. >> jimmy: keep shanda away from those people. >> why are you watching that show, shanda, don't watch "game of thrones," it's terrible. >> jimmy: the way they treat their actors, preposterous. you live tweet during the show? >> every week. >> jimmy: have you missed any of them? >> no. even if i'm -- occasionally, if i have a very difficult scene on set, i might say something like, i can't tweet as much as i'd like to, but i hope you guys enjoy it. i'm never completely m.i.a. >> jimmy: i see. >> thursday nights i can't have dinner, can't see a play, a movie, i have no social life on thursdays, they belong to gladiators. >> jimmy: viola davis was here before her show went on the air and she said, i'm not getting on twitter, i'm not doing it. and sure enough. >> she's on. >> jimmy: i said, you're probably going to do it. she's on, she's doing it. >> she's great. >> jimmy: yeah. >> she's great. >> jimmy: you have to do it. >> yeah, it's fun to do it. also it's like doing theater. you get to hear the responses of your audience right in the moment. >> jimmy: i guess that is a good part of it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break here. kerry washington is with us.

it's her birthday this sunday. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by stouffer's mac and cheese in convenient little cups. can we gwe've got pepsi!? what if we just take like 15 minutes? halfway through the game? they've got pepsi. (whistle) ♪ so what do we call that? halftime. i like halftime.

even the first halftime wasn't halftime without pepsi. because it's not football without halftime and it's not halftime without pepsi. ithat's so interesting honeyf mybecause i'm going to share p. a photo of my eggo waffle when it pops up. l'eggo my eggo l'eggo my eggo (answering machine) hey! leave a message. hi, i know you're there, 'cause i can see you.

i'm calling you to tell you to l'eggo my eggo! anncr: some things are too delicious to share. golden crispy, warm and fluffy eggo waffles. l'eggo my eggo. we went around the country, a ford. talking to people who made the switch to ford. it felt nicer than my bmw. good gas mileage... ecoboost makes a four cylinder engine feel like a six cylinder. my dad went and turned in his lexus and got the exact same car as me. he had to have it... i'm very happy with my escape. i don't know if i'll ever not buy a ford. make the switch to america's favorite brand. check out special offers on ford escape at ford.com or see your local ford dealer. ♪ ♪ keep your spirits high... the calories low... and the bill? even lower. new cedar grilled lemon chicken with quinoa, just $9.99. the pub diet, only at applebee's. it's the family plan families are flocking to.

now at t-mobile, get 4 lines for a $100. with unlimited talk, text, and up to 10gb of 4g lte data. switch to t-mobile. get 4 lines for a $100 today.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are back with the star of "scandal," kerry washington. you told me an interesting thing during the commercial break about this tweeting. >> there was one time that i thought -- i was afraid that i was going to miss a thursday. there was a theory that when i was pregnant i was going to go into labor on a thursday.

and i thought, oh my goodness. i won't be able to live tweet. so i loaded up my twitter with tweets based on the show, you know. just based on all the facts of the show. so in case i went into labor i thought it would be easier to press send than write up a whole tweet. >> jimmy: ah. that's crazy. >> it's commitment. actually, that's commitment. >> jimmy: imagine if you're in the operating room having a baby -- >> could i see it in my mind. i was like, whoo! whoo! that was my plan. >> jimmy: we accidentally named our daughter fitz. did you like animals? >> i do like animals but i have a lot of allergies. >> jimmy: you do? what already gys do you have? >> i'm allergic to cats, dogs -- my dog is hypoallergenic. i have food allergies. i have a ton of allergies. >> why do you think that is? why do you think you have allergies? >> i don't know. i will tell you the unfortunate part of it is that growing up in

the bronx, my parents were pretty down to earth people. i didn't go to a fancy allergist where they tested you. what we did was it was trial by error. and so i would eat something. if i ballooned up, then we would add that to the list. >> jimmy: the willy wonka style of -- >> exactly. we would rush to the emergency room and the doctor would say, yes, that is on the list. >> jimmy: well, it's probably best that we -- we have animals coming in here. >> yes. >> jimmy: i'm not -- well, i am allergic to cats. i don't know if i'm allergic to cheetahs. >> big cats, i don't know. >> jimmy: we'll have to find out. >> i'm not going to an emergency room tonight. i have to live tweet. >> jimmy: you have to live tweet. even if you go to the emergency room you have to live tweet. >> whoo! whoo! >> jimmy: it's very good to see you, i'm very glad the show is back," scandal," watch it thursdays on abc. kerry washington, everybody. be right back with "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is

presented by at&t. imagine if razors could move up and down, and all around. hugging tight, swirling left and turning right. behold, new venus swirl. the only razor with five contour blades and a flexiball. to contour to your tricky places, bones, bends and all. smooth and steady, going this way and that. bumps and grooves, curvy and flat. for skin as flawless as flawless can be. new venus swirl, try it and see. as bourbon ages some of it that's the angel's share. but a richer bourbon stays trapped in the wood. we've made history by extracting it. devil's cut from jim beam. introducing olive garden's first-ever four course starting at $12.99. enjoy an individual appetizer, salad, and breadsticks. one of six entrees, like smoked mozzarella chicken. and a decadent dessert. four courses start at just $12.99

at olive garden. twith available forwardd collision warningigned. and new blind spot monitor and a 2014 top safety pick plus rating. cost of entry? a fortune. until now. hey sarah, new jetta? yup. can i check it out? maybe at halftime? introducing lots of new. the new volkswagen jetta. isn't it time for german engineering? with rollover data, the data you don't use this month rolls over to the next month. and i don't have to do anything? not a thing, mobile share value customers get it automatically. it's how we show appreciation. you know i really appreciate that you appreciate me as a customer. and we appreciate how much you appreciate us appreciating our customers.

and i appreciate that you appreciate that. and i appreciate you appreciating that. i appreciate that. aaaahhhh. introducing at&t rollover data. the data you don't use rolls over to the next month. all on the network with the nation's strongest lte signal. if yand you're talking toevere rheumyour rheumatologiste me, about a biologic... this is humira. this is humira helping to relieve my pain and protect my joints from further damage. this is humira giving me new perspective. doctors have been prescribing humira for ten years. humira works for many adults. it targets and helps to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to ra symptoms. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal

infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. talk to your doctor and visit humira.com this is humira at work to help pay for her kids' ice time. before earning 1% cash back everywhere, every time. and 2% back at the grocery store. even before she got 3% back on gas, all with no hoops to jump through. katie used her bankamericard cash rewards credit card to stay warm and toasty during the heat of competition. that's the comfort of rewarding connections. apply online or at a bank of america near you.

[ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: we have a tiger cub, a cheetah, and ne-yo still on the way. before we do all that it is thursday night which means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> lagaraguardia airport, a tra night mare. >> first of all, [ bleep ] you for putting me outside. >> [ bleep ] francois? oh, since i'm the only one really, [ bleep ]. i've got to go with my [ bleep ]. >> i [ bleep ] dozens of balls. >> italy. check out that new deal. >> our [ bleep ] are shrinking. >> jimmy kimmel last night, [ bleep ] a chicken. >> you see mrs. clinton [ bleep ] is not an accomplishment, it is an activity. >> you also see this very well defined storm with that classic

[ bleep ] shape for low pressure. >> occasional gust and when you get it you really feel it. it's like being [ bleep ] in the face with a [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. >> ew, what am i stepping in? >> that's where i blow my [ bleep ] all day. >> eddie redmayne is revealing he [ bleep ] another celebrity during the s.a.g. awards. >> i feel like a newborn, with [ bleep ] in my mouth and i nooet need to get up and pee. >> don't worry, i'm going to [ bleep ] your [ bleep ]. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: be right back with dave salmoni and wild animals! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

and make it feel like a six cylinder... i was really surprised... i drove the fusion... and i never went back. make the switch to america's favorite brand. check out special offers on ford fusion at ford.com or see your local ford dealer. ♪ ♪ will go someplace they've pealready been.el where's the fun in that? it's time to find someplace new. book the hotel you want with the flight you want, and we'll find the savings to get you there. but do you really? [ female announcer ] neutrogena® makeup remover erases 99% of your most stubborn makeup with one towelette. can your makeup remover do that? [ female announcer ] neutrogena® makeup remover. can your makeup remover do that?

intra bite size waynis. to enjoy the full size sensation of peppermint and rich dark chocolate. york minis, get the sensation. it's the family plan families are flocking to. now at t-mobile, get 4 lines for a $100. with unlimited talk, text, and up to 10gb of 4g lte data. switch to t-mobile. get 4 lines for a $100 today. ...we meant we'd get you all of you allyour money back!ack... get your billions back america!

female announcer: to save on a new mattress.' day sleep train's presidents' day sale is on now! save up to $300 on beautyrest and posturepedic. even get three years interest-free financing on tempur-pedic.

plus, free delivery, set up, and removal of your old set. and sleep train's 100 day money back guarantee. keep more presidents in your wallet. sleep train's presidents' day sale is on now! ...guaranteed! ♪ sleep train ♪ your ticket to a better night's sleep ♪ they take us to worlds full of heroes and titans. for respawn, building the best interactive entertainment begins with the cloud. this is "titanfall," the first multi-player game built and run on microsoft azure. empowering gamers around the world to interact in ways they never thought possible. this cloud turns data into excitement. this is the microsoft cloud.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the show, music to come from ne-yo. each time our next guest pays a visit he brings animals without even asking me first, which is rude. especially for a canadian. but he's here from animal planet. please welcome dave salmoni! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, first of all i want to say congratulations. i know you just got engaged. >> i did, thank you. >> jimmy: to a human. >> to a human, right.

>> jimmy: a human woman. >> very rare for me to find somebody who's willing to spend much time with me. >> jimmy: does she love animals also? >> she tolerates them, i think. >> jimmy: really? >> on my second date, she was wearing boots with fur on the top. and i said, you can't wear those. >> jimmy: no. >> she said what do we do? cut the fur right off. >> jimmy: you sheared your woman. >> she stuck around after that, she's the right girl for me. >> jimmy: that is a strange thing to do on a second date for sure. >> i'm not the most normal fellow to date. >> jimmy: no, you are not. this is a cute animal. i really wish i wasn't scared of it. but i know it could probably tear me to pieces. >> at this size, no. tiger cub. this is one you'll hold. what you're going to do, carry the bottom, the bum, hold it close. >> jimmy: is this male or female? >> this is a female. sit down. remember the noise i taught with you tigers? a chuff, it's a greeting.

do that to her. listen. [ chuffing ] what's that telling her is that you mean her no harm and she'll reply back. fingers are getting a little tight -- there you go. >> jimmy: really is cute, a beautiful animal. >> notice how big that paw is next to your hand. she's only 8 weeks old. >> jimmy: wow, really. >> so she's going to grow into that body. she can be over 350 pounds. >> jimmy: is she used to human beings now? >> she is. you can see how comfortable she is. you can let her walk up here if you want or hold her. honestly, the number one thing -- [ laughter ] she's pretty confirm with you. >> jimmy: okay. >> i feel like over the years, you've been an animal guy. >> jimmy: a i am, a really dr. dolittle. >> you can't let her fall off. >> jimmy: i won't let her fall off. >> give her nice, calm strokes. she'll relax. the way you can watch her, watch her ears. that tells me a lot about posture.

another thing that's cool about tigers is this part. they communicate a lot -- >> jimmy: it's called the tail, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: it growled. it growled. [ cheers and applause ] i'm not kidding. it made a growling noise. >> oh, girl. oh, okay. she growls once and she's out of here. >> jimmy: that's right. nice to meet you! >> i've got something maybe a little less charming for you. >> jimmy: okay. oh, great. >> i really like it. >> jimmy: okay. >> it's hidden so let me sneak out here. >> jimmy: oh, no. wow. >> colombian red-tailed boa. >> jimmy: sounds like a starbucks drink. >> now, this is another one you can hold. >> jimmy: great, terrific. >> stand up. >> jimmy: why would i hold this? do these bite? >> no, this end they'll bite. >> jimmy: which end -- >> i'm going to hold the biting end. you hold that end. >> jimmy: it's pointing at me. >> i got it.

>> jimmy: wow, it feel so weird. heavy. what does it weigh? >> this one's probably 80 pounds or so. >> jimmy: keep an eye on the head. >> i've got the head. put your arm through the little loop. >> jimmy: ha ha ha! >> here. put this over your shoulder. >> jimmy: why do people want to see me -- >> there you go. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, a real -- you have a knack for raising my blood pressure for sure. >> sit down and relax. one of the cool things about constrictors, they lie in wait, grab something they think might be food. i'll put him down here. >> jimmy: okay. >> once they grab something, they have rows of teeth in their mouth. they'll grab it and wrap their body around it. each one of these muscles, you felt how strong it felt. the muscles are very, very short. so once it's got its prey, every time that prey exhales -- >> jimmy: i'm praying right now. [ laughter ]

all right, great to meet you, okay. >> back in the box. >> jimmy: all right, all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: guillermo, do you want to hold that? >> no, no, no, no. >> jimmy: you sure? >> guillermo: i'll pass, the next cutie is a little bit more fun. >> jimmy: oh my god. what is that? >> now this is -- arm yourself with treats. here, sweetheart. >> jimmy: oh my god. i've never seen anything like that. >> okay, sweetheart. treats, get the treats. >> jimmy: oh, no, this thing is wild. >> no. here you go. come here, sweetheart. >> jimmy: hello. >> this is a binterof. >> jimmy: what is it? >> commonly known as a bearcat. see how she's wrapping her tail around my neck? it's because she likes to climb in trees. come here, sweetheart, come here and look. there's bananas down here. >> jimmy: i see. fruit only? do they eat -- >> come on. >> jimmy: do they bite into people? >> they do bite into people. >> jimmy: can this one predict

the outcome of the super bowl? >> i doubt it. here we go. give her those treats. grab a banana. have her stand up like this. even though they're called bearcats they're neither bears nor cats. >> jimmy: well, that's dumb. [ laughter ] >> now, show it to her in front of her nose. >> jimmy: look at this. it's a banana. >> have her stand up. there you go. it's okay. put your hand there. she'll eat around it. >> jimmy: okay. >> perfect. >> jimmy: all right. >> now pet her back. now smell your hand after that. >> jimmy: what? >> notice a scent? >> jimmy: yeah, popcorn. >> that's one of my favorite things about these guys. >> jimmy: they live under the seats at the movie theater? >> exactly, exactly. they're actually from southeast asia. >> jimmy: really? >> they're living up in trees. there's your mom. >> jimmy: do you know this woman? >> anybody who comes to take an animal, i'm in. next animal is a real special treat. >> jimmy: okay. >> so i'm going to need the audience and the band and

everybody to be really, really quiet. >> jimmy: this is the one i'm worried about. >> it's totally safe for you and everybody here. but because these animals are by nature a little bit nervous, and this is sort of a training exercise, new things, we want to get them comfortable. we're going to -- >> jimmy: bring them on shows? >> exactly. one of the best things for captive animals is challenge their brains. it will be exciting for her to be here but we don't want to scare her with loud noises and fast movements. is everybody ready? no clapping. keep it calm, okay? >> jimmy: don't worry. >> there she comes. we're going to let her take her time because as i say -- >> jimmy: oh my god. >> jimmy, if you're nervous, we're going to pop her on the table. come around to my side, slower movements. >> there's a snake back here. >> yeah. slower movements. come over here. >> jimmy: uh-huh. that's a good idea. >> now obviously -- >> jimmy: oh my goodness gracious. >> as you mentioned this is a cheetah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> the first thing you notice is how pretty she is. the second thing, what you want to watch, see how she's looking

around. even though she's a big, large predator, she's not the biggest, largest predator in her area. there's always lions, leopards, hyenas -- >> jimmy: she's the largest predator in this room. >> she definitely is. i brought this one because she's used to this. she does a lot of cheetah conservation things, a cheetah ambassador. she's used to large -- hi, hi. >> jimmy: she is. >> yes. you're perfectly safe. i'm going to grab one of these. thank you. >> jimmy: you have two leashes on this animal. >> yes, we do. that's part of the safety rules with these guys. >> jimmy: i see. why is she looking at me? >> she's looking all around. all this stuff is very, very interesting to her. and the number one thing you're going to see with her, because she's long and skinny, she's a sprinter. >> jimmy: yeah. yeah, i've seen them running. i went to africa and i saw one of those things i think. >> this is the fastest land mammal that we have. look at the paws here. you see those, a lot more like dogs. >> jimmy: yeah. you seem really uncomfortable.

>> jimmy: there's a cheetah on my desk. >> i'm sorry. come right here. >> jimmy: i'll stay right here. tell me more. you're so muscular. >> can i grab this? let me have this tail. good girl. feel the tail. i promise, my body's here. >> jimmy: yes. it feels like a tail. >> you see how glad it is? >> jimmy: yeah. >> one of the main things these guys do, they use it like a rudder. that's probably -- not allowed to do that. they use this as a rudder. when they're running after somebody they swing it one way or the other to spin faster. >> jimmy: keep their balance, huh? this is really kind of calm. have you ever fed this thing cheetos? >> no. another cool thing about these guys is the reason we have her up here like this, they find more comfort when they get high. when cheetahs -- >> jimmy: you mean like weed? >> that's why she's so calm. >> jimmy: they didn't lake that one. i know you have the puppy bowl

on animal planet, you must be very excited. if you put the cheetah in with the puppies, revenge of the cats, know what i'm saying? >> i think with the calm nature there would be a lot of licking going on. >> jimmy: i thank the audience for being very quiet. thanks to you. dave salmoni, everybody. animal planet. puppy bowl xi airs sunday at 3:00. back with music from ne-yo so keep it very quiet. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at&t. mobilizing your world.

♪ for t♪ forever...e in... ♪...there'll be music... ♪...there'll be light... ♪...for the first time in forever ♪ ♪...i'll be dancing through the night ♪ frozen fun is at disney california adventure park for a limited time. with a great room offer you'll be close to all the fun! ♪...'cause for the first time in forever...♪ ♪...i won't be alone. i moved our old security ♪.whsystem out here? to see if it could monitor the front yard. why don't you switch to xfinity home? i get live video monitoring and 24/7 professional monitoring that i can arm and disarm from anywhere.

hear ye! the awkward teenage one has arrived!!!! don't be old fashioned. xfinity customers add xfinity home for $29.95 a month for 12 months. plus for a limited time, get a free security camera call 1800 xfinity or visit comcast.com/xfinityhome. >> jimmy: okay, the cheetah will not leave the show. we are all being held hostage right now. so i'm going to thank kerry washington, i'm going to thank dave salmoni. i want to congratulate matt damon on fine logical i making the show. "nightline" is next. first this is his cd "nonefiction." imdate out tuesday. here with the song "she knows" with help from juicy j, ne-yo!

♪ you know from the moment she turn around she know how to back it up and drop it down ♪ ♪ she know she what all the fellas looking at cause they know soon as her song come on it's a wrap ♪ ♪ and she loves the attention that she get when she moves, yeah ♪ ♪ showin' out with her home girls hypnotizing all the dudes oh ♪ ♪ and she knows she knows she knows i know, i know ♪ ♪ she knows and i know, i know she knows ♪

♪ ♪ she bad mix of ratchet with the classy, oh ♪ ♪ so bad i just couldn't let her pass me, no i told her shawty you so right ♪ ♪ but you so wrong she said daddy i'll be back after this song ♪ ♪ then you takin' me home said i know she loves the attention ♪ ♪ that she get when she moves showin' out with her home girls ♪ ♪ and she got me watching too girl and she knows she knows ♪ ♪ hey, she knows i know, i know, she knows and i know, i know she knows ♪

ladies and gentlemen, juicy j! ♪ you got my attention baby go do what you do i think she noticed know you gon' have to make a move ♪ ♪ all this ice in my rolley no wonder i play it cool ain't no i in team but i got my eyes on you ♪ ♪ i watch it bounce when she walk she lick her lips when she talk ♪ ♪ i throw her in that bentley coupe with the top off like mardi gras ♪ ♪ all that cake come get you some filling like a soap opera come watch all my children ♪ ♪ hit it so long that she might lose feeling with her legs in the air ♪ ♪ she gon' walk on the ceiling said i know she loves the attention ♪ ♪ that she get when she moves showin' out with her home girls ♪ ♪ and she got me watching too girl and she knows oh she knows ♪ ♪ hey, hey, she knows i know, i know, she knows

and i know i know, she knows ♪ this is "nightline." tonight, they left their young children get around by themselves. trying to fight back against helicopter moms and dads. now some are saying it's free-range parents who need supervising. could it cost them their own children? meet the new class of american royalty. these debutantes entering society is a big teal. an even bigger price tag. $17,000 fees. $1,300 dresses. and that's just the beginning. is the fuss really worth it? breaking the rules. he said he suffered disabling injuries during his time in the nfl. and he got $175,000 in workman's co comp. why do we spot him d