"jimmy kimmel live," tim mcgraw >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- tim mcgraw and from "the middle", patricia heaton with cleto and the cletones and now, by the way, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming.

i am very grateful. we have so more important things to get to tonight. first, i want to talk about something that might be the most important movement we will ever be a part of. this is something we launched last night. it's big. i call it the finger of shame. i had a high school teacher -- who is the high school teacher that did that to us? you remember? used to point at us when we would misbehave. he would point a finger that he called the finger of shame. we would stop. now that i'm an adult, kind of, i'm ready to start fingering people myself. i would like you to join me. there's so much rude behavior so much inconsiderate behavior that goes on everywhere. all day we see it. i thought it might help people if we became more aware of this. last night, i asked our viewers

to take photographs of people doing inconsiderate things in public with your finger in the photograph. here we go. it's from a guy named tim drake. all five cars are parked crooked and outside of the parking lines. finger of shame. you're right, tim, that's shameful. we got a lot of pictures of cars. this is crazy dave posted scratching your ass in public. finger of shame. okay. i have done that, too. this woman says jennifer used the rest of the roll. oh, that's a finger on the toilet paper roll. worst part is, i'm on crutches right now. finger of shame. that is no good, jennifer. this is from nick. he says dog humping my arm finger of shame? dogs got the finger a lot, by the way. this is courtesy of amyjean8.

this one, stole my pillow finger of shame. i feel like dogs should be exempt from this because they're dogs. but this one is from michelle. 21-year-old son in bed at 11:00 a.m. #needsjob, #getout. nice use of hashtags. okay. that's a finger of shame right there. she should do this every day until he does get a job. who's the next? says co-worker got his but then didn't make a fresh pot. finger of shame. i think this guy works at every office in america. that's a big one. most of the photos were parking-related, but a lot were food-related. this is got home and look in my fridge. that is a disaster. the first lady is sending in a drone strike to attack this refrigerator. next one, this kid pays $3 for lunch every day and never eats it. throws the pizza in the garbage.

crime against humanity and against pizza. finger of shame. this is from -- this is not how you dress in public, even at mcdonald's. finger of shame. he's got his shirt off. he's got his pants half on. i like this. his friend is wearing harvard pants. [ laughter ] but anyway, that's finger of shame. last but definitely not least, this is stephanie, two phones and a cigarette. one phone on the ear, another phone in the hand and she's got a butt going. that gets two fingers of shame right there. this is a good start. i want to thank those of you who joined on the shame frame. and when you see something unacceptable happening in a public place, please do not break into people's homes. do not frighten or menace anyone. take a picture, point a finger, post it to twitter or instagram

with the hashtag #fingerofshame. maybe this will stop. i think this could be my legacy. you know, oprah told people "live your best life." i will be the guy who tells people to stop ruining our life. so enjoy your journey. as those of you in our -- here in the studio know, we do this show in hollywood which is a major destination for tourists and people who dress up as sponge bob. visitors from all over the world congregate here and from time to time, we like to play a game with them called foreigner or not. on hollywood boulevard, let's go to cousin sal. how is it going? how are you? >> how are you doing, jimmy? >> jimmy: i heard it's 92 degrees right now. is that true? >> who told you that? >> one of the guys on the phone. >> i think it's true. >> jimmy: the way this works is a pedestrian will stand next to sal. they're instructed not to speak because if we hear their voices, the game's ruined. i will try to determine if that

person is a foreigner or not. you got it? okay. sal, bring in the first subject. all right. this is a tall fellow there. all right. okay. his shirt is in english. it says, "it never fades." can we look at the neck tattoo. lot of body hair. gloria. that could say -- gloria is a multi-national type of name. i can't read the dog tag. okay. keep going down. he enjoys death. wait a minute. what's that say on -- oh, something revolt. all right. all right. well, that's not english, is it? let's keep going. the shoes are usually -- oh, forget it. this is over. i will say foreigner. >> pull out your flag. >> jimmy: there you go, all right. where are you from? >> ukraine.

>> jimmy: i'm sorry? say that again. >> ukraine. >> jimmy: how about that. welcome. how are you? >> fine. >> jimmy: how's your day going today so far? >> normal. >> jimmy: normal? are you here on vacation? >> yes. i came to new york to -- >> jimmy: yeah. guess what? you're in l.a. not new york. they dropped you off at the wrong airport. >> i'm traveling all through usa. >> jimmy: you are with klitschko, the brothers, both of them? >> but i'm alone. >> we didn't go down far enough. pan down here. open-toed sandals on the boulevard deserves finger of shame. >> jimmy: maybe some toes of shame also. all right. thank you, cousin, sal. well, we have a gift for you. post that to twitter. since you're here in america, it's an american apple pie. there you go. take that, giant man, and continue upon --

[ applause ] >> jimmy: you want to grab another. hi. i can't ask your name -- what's your name? oh, okay. we know she speaks english because she's being very coy. i like that hat. let's have a look at that tattoo. yeah, right there. okay. that could be anything. okay. all right. let's -- boy, really getting close up aren't we? kind of inspection no one wants on television. all right. okay. all right. all right. the shoes are very beachy. hmm. wow. okay. i am going to say -- let's go back up, cousin sal. i am going to say not a foreigner. >> what are you going to say?

>> jimmy: that is right! >> good job. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> tarzana. >> jimmy: that's not another country at all. do you know what it is named after? >> tarzan. >> jimmy: that's right. the guy who wrote it owned the whole town and named it tarzana. not a joke. just a little fact. >> he was really into his trade. >> jimmy: i guess so. what are you doing? just wandering around today? >> shopping. >> jimmy: all right. well, if you're in the market for a pie, we have one for you. cousin sal, give this woman an apple pie. yeah, there we go. [ applause ] you keep grabbing people and we'll check back in. earlier tonight on abc, i like walking at the camera. it's like i'm a local news reporter. earlier tonight on abc -- this is how they do it. earlier tonight on abc -- very special, special. something that touched me

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>> jimmy: welcome back. tim mcgraw and patricia heaton on the way. we're very busy playing foreigner or not on hollywood boulevard. quick refresher of how this goes, i will see a pedestrian and slowly based on their appearance, i will determine whether that individual is a foreigner or not. is there any prize for me? >> maybe i'll give you a lock of this man's beautiful hair right there. >> jimmy: oh, wow. how about that? this is a hard one. now, i'm two for two so far.

right? whoa. look at that shirt. test such a foreigner that i'm inclined to go right to foreigner. also i feel like maybe you guys are trying to trick me out there. let's see the rest of the outfit if we can. okay. all right. oh, those shoes. you know, the thing about shoes you used to be able to figure it out. about six years ago. then everybody started wearing these shoes like this. it really made my job so much more difficult. all right, corduroys in 90 something degree heat. the shirt is pretty crazy. i'm going to have to say foreigner. >> all right. reveal. >> jimmy: where are you from? oh. >> i'm from cambridge, massachusetts. >> jimmy: then you have no excuse for this. >> probably true. >> jimmy: what do you do for a living? >> i'm a composer. >> jimmy: oh, okay. yeah, that makes more sense.

what kind of music do you compose? >> orchestral music, electronic music, sound tracks, things like that. >> jimmy: when you get in to the orchestral kind of music, you have to go the other way and dress like you are in -- what was the hit that -- that rock-a-billy band from the '80s. >> the stray cats. >> the stray cats. >> he's a really bad loser. >> jimmy: sal gives him a pie and what's going on back there. hello, everybody. oh, there you go. thank you very much. bring me one more. i want to try again. i can't go out on a loss. all right. all right. here we go. wow. look at that. you're staring me down as if we're about to fight. why am i intimidated all of a sudden. all right. okay. yes. go down. creme de la creme. that's french, but who the hell knows. oh, what is going on there?

that was unexpected. [ laughter ] all right. some scuffing. everybody wearing the yoga pants nowadays. i am going to say foreigner. >> let's see it. [ applause ] >> jimmy: where are you from? >> australia. >> jimmy: and you're here on vacation? >> yeah, just a holiday. >> jimmy: are you enjoying yourself? >> i flew in this morning so i'm jet-lagged. >> jimmy: did you come by yourself? >> no, i came with my best friend. >> jimmy: oh, you did. where's your best friend? >> just over there. >> jimmy: maybe we'll meet up for drinks later. give her a pie and send her along her way. there you go. [ applause ] hey, this comes to us from -- i'm walking again, by the way. this comes from a foreign land. brazil, a firefighter managed to save a woman thinking about

jumping out of a window. i don't know if this is an approved maneuver or not, but i've never seen a rescue like this. [ applause ] >> clear through the other side of the building. let's see that again in slow motion. [ laughter ] he's going -- he? wouldn't it be great if after that they fell in love? anyway, she's now suing him for $10 million. amazon has plans to start testing a new delivery service next month. they'll deliver packages directly into the trunk of your car. i always wanted my packages to feel a little bit kidnapped. order the item.

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>> jimmy: tonight, from "the middle", patricia heaton is here. tomorrow, billy crystal will join us, dave salmoni will bring wild animal friends, and we'll have music from modest mouse. and thursday night, kim kardashian west, michael sheen, and music from yelawolf featuring travis barker. join us for all of that. first, an enormously successful singer and actor who loves you so much, he's coming to visit you. the "shotgun rider tour" starts june 5th in little rock and goes all summer long. please welcome tim mcgraw. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: how's it going? >> good, good, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm doing well. i want to thank you again. several months ago, guillermo and i traveled to tennessee and you and your lovely wife faith hill were kind enough to let us sleep over your house. >> we did. i don't know if we let you. >> jimmy: you asked if we could sleep over. you said okay. >> it was fun. >> jimmy: it was a lot of fun. >> i wanted to show you around the farm. some horses i wanted you to see. you were more interested in all tchotkes, the stuff faith had sitting around the house. >> jimmy: that's true. faith and i talked about decorating a lot. >> let's go outside. no, this is a nice rug. >> jimmy: i wish that was a joke, but it wasn't. it really wasn't. [ laughter ] i wanted to talk to faith.

it's as simple as that. >> you were trying to get me out of the house. >> jimmy: yeah, go with the horses. do whatever men do out there, i don't know. we have wicker to discuss. >> but it was fun. >> jimmy: so you go out on tour like this, who watches the house for you? >> well, faith watches the house for me whether i'm there or not. she's the boss of the house for sure. well, hooter is at the farm. >> jimmy: that's right. hooter. >> it's real. my buddy hooter. we went to college together. he sold t-shirts for me for a while. he guide hunts in montana sometimes. he runs my farm. he's out there all the time. we've been best friends for 30 years now. >> jimmy: how did he get the name hooter? >> that's his name. pride of louisiana, ricky dale hooter. >> jimmy: his last name, okay. >> one of the greatest guys you'll ever meet. >> jimmy: when he sees hooters, the restaurant, he thinks i'm home. >> we tried that in college one time. >> jimmy: so hooter's in charge.

when you go out on a big tour, how many trucks do you have full of stuff? >> oh, my gosh. there was one tour where we had like 22 buses and 18 trucks at one time. that was on the soul to soul tour. faith and i were out. most of that were her dresses. >> jimmy: there was not a full trailer for hats? >> no. >> i think this tour we will have ten, 12 buses and trucks. >> jimmy: do you think about those early days starting out, i don't know, did you carry your own stuff? did you even have a truck? >> we had a van. we called it our cheech and chong van. riding around back in those days. we pulled a u-haul trailer and traveled all over the country playing music. we played one club. we were setting up equipment. they said there were bullet holes behind the stage. somebody shot a gun off last night. we were hoping to be good enough they wouldn't shoot at us. >> we made it out.

>> jimmy: that's how they could really improve things on "american idol" if they shot -- right? you'd really be on top of your game. >> you got to be on then. >> jimmy: did you play in a lot of rough places? >> that's part of any band coming up. you play in rough places. especially as a country singer. >> jimmy: people get drunk and -- >> we've been in plenty of fights coming off the stage. >> jimmy: you've been in the fights yourself? >> sure. i think we were playing in delaware. of all places. big fight broke out. the whole crowd swooped out the door. i was in the middle of a song. i kind of got upset. nobody was there to listen to me. so i went outside. this was back when i was young and i was pretty into it myself. i was like, i'll kick your ass i'll kick your ass y'all don't get in here and listen to me sing. >> jimmy: it is a funny thing to go from singing to punching

people. >> you don't think of singers as being very good fighters. it's not very macho to be a singer. >> jimmy: that's right. like michael jackson was a lover, not a fighter. >> i don't want to make anybody mad. bruce springsteen is pretty tough i'm sure. >> jimmy: more tough guys in country music than most places. >> there's a few. >> like trace adkins. i wouldn't want to run up on him. >> jimmy: terrifying man, yes? >> he's a sweetheart. >> jimmy: but his voice is like -- i don't know. >> how does that go again? >> jimmy: i was going to say i ran into him once somewhere. i was startled. it was like lurch from the adam's family. you rang. >> trace, that's him saying that. not me. >> jimmy: you know me. i just like to look at decorations with the women folk. >> i know.

i don't think trace will be hanging out with you doing that. >> jimmy: i don't think so either. guillermo, you had fun over there, right? >> a lot of fun. thank you very much. >> you're welcome. it was good to have you. >> jimmy: you're in this big movie "tomorrowland" with george clooney. which is a mysterious movie. the director is fantastic. what is the movie about? >> well, i play a nasa engineer. i know it's not much of a stretch. i mean, i think they thought, you know, first off who wouldn't want to come see that dumb ass play a nasa engineer. >> jimmy: irony was a factor? >> but, you know, the nasa program was shutdown. i was in charge of building the shuttle program and the shuttle platform. my character was. now that the nasa program is shut down, my job is to tear it

all down. so i'm pretty upset about that. my daughter in the movie is really curious and scientific. she can't understand what's going on. she discovers this pen. every time she touches this pen, it transports her into what our future might look like. it's a really spectacular movie. >> jimmy: we have a clip. let's take a look. >> have you ever seen this before? does it look weird? don't touch it! >> why are you yelling at me? >> you're driving, dad. it's dangerous. pull over. >> i swear to god, case, if you are on drugs. >> i'm not on drugs. it all will be explained as soon as you touch this pen. what is -- it's not working? ♪ >> stop it! >> jimmy: that is "tomorrowland." looks good.

and your tour starts in little rock, arkansas. goes through like, october. >> yeah, through october. >> jimmy: tim's coming to your town. it starts june 5th. later on you're going to play music for us. >> yeah, i am. >> jimmy: tim mcgraw. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at&t. mobilizing your world. is virtually paperless, ience which saves paper, which saves money. they have smart online tools, so you only pay for what's right for you, which saves money. they settle claims quickly, which saves time, which saves money. they drive an all-hybrid claims fleet, which saves gas, which saves money. they were born online, and built to save money, which means when they save, you save. because that's how it should work in the modern world. esurance. backed by allstate. click or call. wheawhat are you,ake? a suspender---wearing hipster trying to grow his first beard?

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♪ still to come tim macgraw. our next guest is on the very funny show "the middle." watch it wednesdays at 8:00 here on abc. please say hello to patricia heaton. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: may i say, i love that dress. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: that is really a nice dress. >> well, thank you. >> jimmy: it's almost like a photograph became a dress. >> that's kind of what they do these days.

like a printed thing. >> jimmy: i like it. >> thank you. >> jimmy: last time you were here your son was just going to bar tending school. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how did that turn out? did he become a bartender? >> i'm pretty sure he's practicing his craft because he accidentally sent me a photo on my messaging that no mother should have to see. >> jimmy: really? what was it? >> i can't -- i blocked it out of my mind. >> jimmy: really, wow. >> although, i've shown it to all my friends. >> jimmy: who was more upset about it, you are him? >> i said, really. he said, oh, i didn't mean to send that. but as long as you've seen that, here's this. >> jimmy: okay. so he likes to get a rise out of you. >> so send your kids to the christian college. you never know -- >> jimmy: that's where it all comes out. >> that's where it all comes out. >> jimmy: your other boys are in high school? >> i have a couple in high school.

the youngest is finally getting his driver's license, so i'll be done with the driving. >> jimmy: that makes you happy. >> it makes me happy, but now i'm sitting in the passenger seat while we're going to school in the morning because he's driving. >> jimmy: oh. >> yeah. >> jimmy: does he drop you off or how does it work? >> i drop him off. for some reason, i feel like clenching my butt cheeks is going to somehow control the car. i am just like is just -- you know -- he's like, he's real casual about braking. he turns underneath like this. >> jimmy: oh. >> i don't think you can do that on the test. no, you can do that. >> jimmy: he's doing that with you in the car. god knows what's going on when you aren't. >> it's like a classic mom thing. that car's stopping. stop, stop, stop! i know, mom, i know. he came this close.

i'm like we're not going to tell your dad that. now he knows. coming back from school, pulling out and boom, hits somebody in the parking lot. >> jimmy: a human? >> no, another car. no, another car. >> i'm can you we're not going to tell dad. hopefully my husband won't watch this episode of your show. >> jimmy: you got out? >> there was no problem with anybody's car. everybody's fine. there were a thousand witnesses. everybody said, you okay, you okay. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> jimmy: you really have to leave a note or pretend you're leaving a note which some people will do like see you, sucker. that's a good lesson for a son. this is the sixth season of "the middle." are you in the middle? >> we wrapped it. hopefully i'm pretty sure we're coming back again. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: obviously you'll be coming back. the show is phenomenally successful. >> isn't it great? i'm very blessed. i have another wonderful show like this. we got to work with a great -- i just worked with dick van dyke. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> jerry van dyke plays my dad. what's really cool about this business, way back in the second grade when i was telling the sister delrina that i saw "mary poppins" and i could do all the songs, little did i know i'd be sitting in the makeup trailer with dick van dyke and we were playing name that tune. what movie is this from, dick. then we were singing show tunes together. and he tap dances. he recites shakespearean monologues. >> jimmy: does he really? >> that's how he says he keeps his mind going.

he memorizes shakespeare. he can say all kinds of shakespeare. >> jimmy: that's a lot of fun. i met him. i was a little bit star-struck to meet him. >> right. he was iconic from our time. >> jimmy: absolutely. not just "mary poppins." "the dick van dyke show" >> "the dick van dyke show" >> jimmy: the mustache seems out of place to me. >> tripping over the ottoman. >> that started when he was doing that tv series. >> jimmy: matlock -- not matlock. >> i did one. you probably did too. >> jimmy: you did matlock? >> everybody did. they gist won't admit it. >> jimmy: what happened to you on matlock? >> i was a witness in a murder case. >> jimmy: oh, you were. okay. wow. >> i had this, like, so mid-atlantic accent. i think my high school teacher said if i didn't get rid of my cleveland accent, i would never get an acting job. this was like my first job. i said, i think it's her! i remember -- somebody said it to me on youtube. i was like, what am i doing.

i'm like madonna during her english period, you know? although i am married to a brit. so i have a little bit of an excuse. >> jimmy: back then no excuse at all. wow. that's interesting. i'm going to youtube that myself. >> i should never have said anything. >> jimmy: i heard that you have an interesting fan. a fan in space in fact. >> this is one of the wonderful things about being in this business. i just feel lucky i have a job. but it turns out that one of the fans of "the middle" is the colonel terry burke, the captain of the space station 100 miles above us, and he asked if we could do a skype with him. so just last week, we're talking to the captain of the -- it's like captain kirk. like, this guy -- first of all, he's really educated. aeronautics. works with not just the american air force but the french air force. "the middle" is one of his favorite shows.

he has them send it to him while he's on the treadmill. because they have to exercise 2 1/2 hours a day, or else your muscles and bones just kind of disintegrate. if being an astronaut was ever on my bucket list, that just took it off. 2 1/2 hours a day. i could do the headaches from the weightlessness but not the 2 1/2 hours. >> jimmy: me too. is there a bally's total fitness up there? >> they have to strap themselves onto this thing. although, i have to say the advantage to being up there is you age more slowly and you grow taller because there's no gravity pressing you down. >> jimmy: really? >> i may be knocking over astronauts to just get up there for a month. >> jimmy: we should send shaq into space to see what happens. >> you can't be that tall. because neil flynn who plays my husband is 6'7" and said he could never come on. >> jimmy: they said that to me too but for a different reason. very good to see you.

congratulations on the ongoing success of your show. patricia heaton! "the middle" airs wednesday's at 8pm here on abc. and we shall return with music from tim mcgraw. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at&t. mobilizing your world.

>> jimmy: i'd like to thank patricia heaton and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. but first, you can see him on tour all summer long, here with the song "shotgun rider", tim mcgraw! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ roll won't you come roll with me slow fast ♪ ♪ full speed girl, wherever sweet time takes us ♪

♪ hang with me down this old road only god knows ♪ ♪ where we'll go don't matter long as i've got your love ♪ ♪ i don't ever wanna wake up lookin' into someone else's eyes ♪ another voice callin' me baby on the other end of the phone ♪ ♪ a new girl puttin' on her makeup before dinner on friday night ♪ ♪ no i don't ever wanna know ♪ no other shotgun rider beside me singin' to the radio ♪ ♪ oh oh oh oh oh ♪ slide slide over nice and close lay your head down ♪ ♪ on my shoulder you can fall

asleep i'll let you ♪ ♪ dream life ain't nothin' but a dream ♪ ♪ don't wanna be cruisin' through this dream without you ♪ ♪ i don't ever wanna wake up lookin' into someone else's eyes ♪ another voice callin' me baby on the other end of the phone ♪ ♪ a new girl puttin' on her makeup before dinner on friday night ♪ ♪ no i don't ever wanna know ♪ no other shotgun rider beside me singin' to the radio ♪ ♪ ♪ oh oh oh oh oh ♪ ♪ i don't ever wanna wake up

lookin' into someone else's eyes ♪ another voice callin' me baby on the other end of the phone ♪ ♪ a new girl puttin' on her make-up before dinner on friday night ♪ ♪ no i don't ever wanna know ♪ no other shotgun rider beside me singin' to the radio ♪ ♪ oh oh oh oh oh no other shotgun rider ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

♪ ♪ like a circus ride that don't last long ♪ round and round we go and then we're gone ♪ we waste time chasing ♪ overlook the things that matter most ♪ so caught up in the mazes ♪ ♪ just trying to be somebody baby ♪ ♪ i was slowly going crazy keeping up with the jones getting so jacked and jaded ♪

baby if you are asking me love is really all we need ♪ ♪ everything else is overrated overrated ♪ overrated ♪ ♪ >> we amputate the heart because we can't let them see the broken part ♪ ♪ water down the wine and jump we build our castles tall ♪ ♪ so we can have the higher wall it don't matter where you came from ♪ om ♪ where you get your name ♪ we're going down if we don't change some ♪ keeping up with the jones getting so jacked and jaded ♪

this is "nightline." wanted man. searching for a 34-year-old man they believe is connected to the murder of a wealthy couple, their son and housekeeper in washington, d.c. tonight, new developments in the mystery as the housekeeper's husband shares intriguing details about what went on in the hours before the blaze. elian gonzalez exclusive. this is the face that captured the heart of the country two decades ago. that boy is now a man. hear for the first time in his own words about the desperate hours lost at sea. the international crisis with him long over. >> to the american people, thank you. >> reporter: but the family wounds still