tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC June 29, 2015 11:35pm-12:38am PDT
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that's our report we appreciate your time. for all of us here, right now on jimmy kimmel actress amelia clark. have a actress amelia clark. have a great night >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight emilia clarke. from "trainwreck", vanessa bayer. and music from miguel. with cleto and the cletones. and now, ready, set -- here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ jimmy kimmel live ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: thank you. thanks. thank you. thank you very much for being here. i appreciate that. i hope had a good weekend. i had a great weekend. it was incredible. as i'm sure you know. the supreme court on friday ended same-sex marriage bans across the country clearing the way for gay and lesbian couples to marry in any state and really giving that rainbow filter on facebook a workout. [ applause ] not everyone is celebrating. some states are still resistant. louisiana court clerks were advised by the attorney general to wait 45 days before issuing licenses. which would mean the wait in louisiana was longer than the wait to buy an ak-47 in
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louisiana. a court clerk disagreed. a couple guys got married. phil bryant the governor of mississippi said the supreme court ruling was out of step with his constituents. that's right. it's mississippi, it ain't mr.ssissippi, folks. [ applause ] thank you. in kentucky today. we worked very hard on that one today. several county clerks in kentucky said that to avoid being discriminatory they won't issue marriage licenses to anyone, even straight couples, because their religious beliefs make it impossible to abide by the supreme court ruling. i find it very odd there is so much opposition to gay marriage in the state that invented the mint julep. but it's -- here's my take on this. i think it is great. the right decision. the kind of thing our grandchildren will look back on and wonder what the hell was wrong with ussen the first place. i also can't help but feel for a lot of people, for a lot of guys especially this is going to
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totally ruin being gay. and i will explain. i live in a gay neighborhood. and these people, as far as i can tell are having a lot of fun. you walk your dogs around. the bars are always going. people are out to eat. people are wearing tank tops without having to be embarrassed about it. there is music pumping on to the street. dancing at 2:00 a.m. on a wednesday. i mean, this guy, you meet that guy. you go to the gym. you work out. somebody let's hop in the shower for a minute. you do. it's good times. and this goes on, not justhen you are in your 20s and 30s. goes on for your whole life. the reason why is because there is no pressure to settle down. you have really the best possible reason for not getting married. it's illegal. so you're dating a guy. he says why can't we get married? you say, well, same reason we can't rob a bank. but now that reason is gone. which means now you go home to visit your parents they're going to be look we really like
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steven. you think? your friends will do that thing where they put you on the spot. go, so? huh? society will push you and push you and eventually you'll give in. this is what happened to george clooney. okay? and then once you do give in guess what? instead of the fun parades with the drinks and copper tone and the half naked dancer guys, you know what parades you will be going to the ones with snoopy in them. the ones with the big inflatable snoopy, with dead snoopy eyes looking at you as if to say "what the hell did you do?" just look that all the gay fun will be over. it will be gone. remember when the word meant happy, it doesn't anymore. thanks to the supreme court. i want to tell you u.s. i know a number of married couples, gay. the only difference between gay
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marriage and straight marriage is no one complains when you leave the toilet seat up. that's it. one day we will look back on this as the golden age of gay stuff. and tears will be shed, my friend. they really will. if you are among those who are concerned about the san kt tcti marriage, we still have "the bachelorette." earlier tonight on abc, they continued their amazing journey in dublin. now i made all those names up, but you don't know that, do you? the most dramatic exit in the night was when caitlyn said good-bye to chris. chris is the guy who came on to the show like this. >> oh, my god. >> all right, that's how chris entered. and tonight, this is how chris left.
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>> jimmy: that's ridiculous. it is ridiculous. [ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] that's -- he was allowed to get married last month. no problem. they should have made him leave in the cupcake too. chris did make ate lot further than you would expect from a game who rode in on a cupcake. he is gone now down to the final five. and if the bachelorette was a movie, i pray it will be someday. i have an idea as how they should cast it. caitlyn would be played by megan fox. definitely resemblance there. sean b. played by ryan gosling. joshua played by chris pratt. justin. would be played by -- this person. and j.j., j.j. would be woody from toy story, right? just look woody, caitlyn tossed him into an old box of junk
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tonight. nbc today bid a not so fond farewell to our future president donald trump. nbc released a statement that said because of derogatory statements trump made about immigrants last week they're cutting ties with their now former reality show star. instead of cutting ties i wish they could cut his hair. i mean, if you're going to -- [ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] [ drum roll ] >> no one does the delayed rim shot better than jonathan. nbc is saying, they say they will not carry trump's miss usa or miss universe pageants on their air because what he said about mexicans. not they want to make this clear not because these pageants treat women like cattle at the state fair. it was the mexicans thing that upset them. on sunday, trump sat down with jake tapper, to weigh in on
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subjects. most notably his plan to cripple isis. >> i think you said you want to bomb the oil fields in iraq to take on isis. >> the only way you will beat them is that. they're rich because they have the oil. >> they have the oil in syria. >> they have some oil in iraq. >> i don't think the government of iraq would want us to bomb the oil field. >> the government of iraq. there is no government in iraq. the so-called government in iraq went to iran. iran is going to take over iraq. as simple as that. >> i don't know the government of iraq or whatever you want to call them would support our bombing the oil fields in iraq? >> who cares? >> jimmy: that should be his campaign slogan, by the way. who cares? [ cheers and applause ] we will soon have a new republican candidate for president, new jersey governor chris christie expected to announce tomorrow. christie's slogan is telling it like it is. though his campaign hasn't
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officially been announced today they released their very first campaign ad. >> olive garden's never ending pasta bowl is back. the never ending pasta bowl for a limited time. only at olive garden. [ applause ] that's the ad? that's surprising. this is going to be an incredible 16 months. the big question -- not who wins. fat jokes or hair jokes. which will we run out of first? we have great guests to night. we have music from miguel emilia clarke. terminator genesis. the fifth terminator movie. arnold schwarzenegger is back. he said he would be. and this time around the machines are more human than ever before.
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♪ >> my whole life i prepared my son to lead humanity in the fight against the machines. >> we take back our world! ♪ but there was one thing i could never prepare him for. >> run! [ gunfire ] >> i did not kill him. ♪ [ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> we have to take a break. we will come back. mi guch miguel is going to surprise somebody at the coffee shot. we asked kids to explain gay marriage. so stick around. [ applause ] ♪ ♪
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first, a video shot in dolphin, georgia, stay with this one until the end. there is apparently some kind of confederate flag parade. fortunately someone had the good sense to record it and post the individually to liveleague. >> look at this [ bleep ]. i've don't know if y'all have seen this [ bleep ]. but this [ bleep ] is crazy. they got [ bleep ], confederate flag. this is [ bleep ]. and they got the roads blocked off. look. there are the police right
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there. oh, they about to wreck. ooh, ooh, i got that. oh. >> jimmy: that is funny, isn't he? you know, as you know. the supreme court decision on friday in favor of same-sex marriage. it is controversial. some people don't like it. don't believe in it. don't believe it is right. one of the common arguments how do i explain this to my kids. a good question. at the least a fair question you. wonder if children are sophisticated enough to wrap their head around something like this. so we went out on the street to ask kids what they think and what they know. and here they are, kids share their thoughts on same-sex marriage. >> could you tell me what gay marriage is? >> it's when two men and two women get married. >> so is it when four people get married? >> no. >> could you tell us what gay
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marriage is? >> i know nothing abut that yet. >> you don't know anything about it. >> why would anyone want to get married? >> because nay lothey love each an just feel a connection really. >> do you think it is a good thing? >> yeah. >> do you know what makes somebody gay? >> what? >> i got a broken leg. >> when should two people get married? >> in the afternoon. >> that's a good time to get married. do you know what marriage is? >> yes. >> what is it? >> it's when a husband and wife get married. >> so what do you think gay marriage is? >> when a boy and a boy get married or girl and a girl get married. >> your's right. do you think that's very hard to understand? >> for some kids. >> but not for you? >> no, not really. >> do you think anybody should be able to get married? >> if you're old enough. >> oh.
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very wise. do you want to get married? >> yes. >> when? >> when i'm 30. >> why would someone want to get married? >> because they're pregnant. >> because they're pregnant. could you tell us what gay marriage is? >> um, where a buy marries another boy. >> could it be when a girl marries another girl? >> no. >> just a buy meeti inboy meeti girl. >> what would it be called if a girl married another girl? >> lesbianism. >> should everybody be able to get married if they want to? >> yes. >> how come? >> well because if they want to they should be able to. >> would you want to get married? >> not really. >> how come? >> because when you get married, um, the other person is entitled to any money the other person has. >> so it is a financial issue for you?
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>> yeah. >> jimmy: fiscally conservative. thank you, kids. i mentioned we have music from miguel, grammy award winner. he has a new album comes out tomorrow. one of the singles is called "coffee" we sent him to tiago, the coffee shop down from the theater, to surprise an unsuspecting customer with an impromptu rendition of the song. and here's how that went. >> hi. >> cappuccino. >> cappuccino. >> what is your name? >> christiana. okay. give me one second. your drink will be ready on this side, all right. >> give me one second, sir. ♪ coffee did someone order coffee now ♪
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♪ coffee for ms. dianna coffee in the morning coffee in the morning i don't want to wake you because i just want to watch you sleep darling ♪ ♪ just the smell of your hair it is the way that we fit baby for fi never felt comfortable not like this ♪ ♪ right? >> christiana. >> sorry about that. this is for ms. deanna. >> a good name. we have more music from miguel. >> jimmy: tonight from the very funny new motion picture "trainwreck", vanessa bayer is here.
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stick around. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by e-surance. insurance for the modern world and proud auto insurance sponsor of major league baseball. may the best hand win. ♪ [ both grunting ] ooh! that's gotta hurt! [ both grunting ] savagery! [ both grunting ] well done, grasshopper. [ grunts ] the battle continues.
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what's going on here? apparently from what i can tell this woman is passed out from the fumes. and mi guchlt guel is helping r her. you can see miguel tomorrow morning on good morning america. as soon as the show is over tonight, we're firing him out of a rocket straight to new york. tomorrow night halle berry, rob corddry and we'll have music from everclear. and later this week live schreiber, andy samberg, ronda rousey, russell wilson and music from vince staples and butch walker. so, please join us for all of that with the exception of -- i don't know maybe, latifah, it is rare we are in the presence of a queen. she is mother of dragons on game of thrones and, for her summer vacation she helps arnold schwarzenegger save the human race in "terminator genisys."
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♪ ♪ >> where is he? do you see him? >> jimmy: "terminator genisys" opens in theaters and imax wednesday. please say hello to emilia clarke. >> hi. >> jimmy: very good to see you. >> lovely to see you as well. >> jimmy: you hurt yourself? >> i did. i fractured my hip. >> jimmy: in the school bus, did this happen? >> uh-huh, no. arnold and i, he was showing me break dancing. trying to introduce the dragon,
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a new move. and it just resulted in a fractured hip. >> jimmy: what really happened to you? >> really rowdy sex. >> jimmy: really? >> no, no, no. a really boring reason. making it more exciting. >> jimmy: all right. how long have you been suffering through this? i know you had on the red carpets you were -- >> a month. i've got another eight weeks. >> jimmy: another eight weeks. that's a long time. people get their hips replaced in that kind of time. >> i know. i think i am too young for that. >> jimmy: you shouldn't get your hip replaced unless you need it replaced. >> yes, exactly. >> jimmy: one of the basic tenets of medicine. good thing to remember. you shot most of terminator genisys in new orleans. and your co-star here last week, he claimed that he did no drinking at all because he wanted to stay in shape. >> of course he did. yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: was that not true? >> no. no. he is australian. so that just -- >> jimmy: it didn't seem like it
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made sense. where did you stay when you were there? >> i stayed in a beautiful, beautiful house. my goodness, it was definitely, definitely haunted. >> jimmy: haunted house? >> 100%. i figured it out. found out. there were all these haunted places in new orleans. they're look you know it is haunted the air is really thick and feels kind of like super humid. i was look that's all of my house. and it wasn't. >> jimmy: spirits. >> you can hear slamming doors. all this freaky stuff. funniest thing was i was renting it from my very good friend who is on the show, game of thrones, dario. gorgeous. >> jimmy: he is gorgeous. >> yeah. he, he, i brought, i was kind of saying there were lots of places that are haunted. he was like my house isn't though. i was like, uh-huh. yeah. this most be the first moment. >> jimmy: he find out his house is haunted. not going to help his resale value.
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>> it might not. i thought it was an air conditioning situation. it got to the point one night, we had been doing late shoots. i've had u.n. got to get an air conditioning unit. i called a friend and said will you come with me to home depot at 3:00 a.m. to get an air conditioning unit. >> jimmy: why not? >> why not. i got nervous someone might recognize me. >> jimmy: you don't want to be caught in a home depot. >> no, it was like 3:00 a.m. that's not what i'm saying, at all. >> jimmy: what is she up to? >> at all. at all. i was kind of just sleepy. and so i put this cap on. i was, i thought it would be really good to do an american accent. that would make me less, people might clock me less. i discovered yeah.
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gyp >> jimmy: i would love to hear your american accent. i don't think we, in certain regions we have accents. but we do obviously. >> it was late. my american accent, you heard on terminator, changed a little bit into cali from the valley. she's like this whole like situation. it was amazing. >> jimmy: wow, that's actually very good. >> thank you, yeah. we had like a really good time. i got so close to getting jai to buy me like a $700 air conditioning unit. i got the guy to help me. he was freaking out. it was awesome. >> jimmy: if you had come out here and just started talking like that. it would have made my brain short circuit. >> amazing, yeah. >> jimmy: did you base that on someone you know? >> i like love "clueless." uh-huh. >> jimmy: l me ask about this. >> oh, yeah, uh-huh.
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>> jimmy: maybe you could continue with that accent. >> i could talk like clueless look this all day long. do you want to punch me a little right now? >> not at all. this is what it looks like when you are acting with your dragons. >> acting 101 right there. >> jimmy: which dragon was this by the way? >> the closest relationship i have is with drogon. drogon. yeah. >> and this is -- drogon is getting bigger there. >> yeah, he is. he is. >> i demand to fight for your honor. >> yeah, this happens. it happens quite a lot. just sort of ignore them. >> i demand to fight for your h honor. would any man in this audience face me in the fighting pits?
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[ applause ] >> you can just pretend they're not even here. >> jimmy: that's going to be difficult. >> i shall face you in the fighting pits. >> my queen, i will strike down this man and bring honor. >> it will be me striking this man ignore them. >> i demand to fight for you. >> yes, you can fight for my honor. >> jimmy: go fight outside. [ applause ] >> is there any way to -- that is the only we to get them to shut up. yeah, that's pretty much it. yeah, of course, absolutely. >> jimmy: there is actually going to be a -- >> whoo. holla! >> jimmy: wow. >> yep. >> stop. >> jimmy: kind of a slap fight.
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>> yep, okay. >> ah! >> well, you can kill him now. >> what? kill him? >> kill me? >> i now command you to kill him. >> jimmy: did you say kill him. >> i just wanted to fight for your honor. i've don't want to kill anybody. >> are you sure? >> can i kill him outside? >> yeah, can we? >> jimmy: yeah, i think you can kill him outside. >> yes. thank you. >> jimmy: thanks, guys. [ applause ] >> should have brought some jello. >> jimmy: take them to duct tape get that lower back hair removed. >> yeah, exactly. >> jimmy: sorry. i had no. does anybody else want to fight
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before we go? >> you sure. why not? >> jimmy: good to see you. congratulations. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: emilia clarke. "terminator genisys" opens in theaters and imax wednesday. we'll be right back. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by a-t-and-t. mobilizing your world. out your new offer? well, right now you can get... i'll take it. uh, well there's sold! how bout the... stop drilling, you struck oil. there's a sign behind me isn't there? i like it, but can the sign do this? that one can. i forgot about that one. get ipad mini 2 now for $199.99 when you buy any iphone on at&t next davon his game...ng morning double bogey.
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>> jimmy: you know our next guest from five seasons on "saturday night live." her very funny new movie with amy schumer is called "trainwreck." it opens july 17th. please welcome vanessa bayer. great to meet you and have you here. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: the movie "trainwreck" is very funny. people are raving and love it. this is your first-ever movie. >> my first feature film. yes, very exciting. >> that is exciting. >> jimmy: is this like being on "saturday night live," a big deal. is it a bigger deal to your family you are in a movie? >> i think snl is a big deal. my grandmother has been supportive. my one grandmother watches every week, watches snl. vanessa, i think if you keep working really hard and stay
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focused one day you will be big enough that you could be on "the view." and i don't know if she me as a co-host or be a guest. >> jimmy: she is setting a goal pretty high. >> yeah. i talk to my grandmothers a lot, i guess. my other grandmother, i wish you could meet your cousin jeffrey. he is a lawyer. he lives in new jersey. he makes a ton of money. the only problem is he just got engaged. like, grandma the only problem is he is my cousin! >> jimmy: that's a very close family you have. really tight unit. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: it does not register to her, i guess? >> she is in love with the power and the -- >> in love with love. he is just a catch. who cares if the dna matches up. >> he is a catch. >> jimmy: you did, talking about
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a comedy tour. >> yes. >> jimmy: for trainwreck, just fin,ed right? >> just finished. really amazing. did the tour all for charity. it was really nice. flew us in a private jet. put us in these nice hotels ichl found that though we weren't being paid. i was able to just like take all the stuff out of hotel with me. and order a ton of room service. >> jimmy: what kind of stuff would you take out of the hotel? >> there is always a lot of waters and snacks and stuff. these are paid for, right? why wouldn't i -- take them? >> jimmy: are they paid for, or are they on the tab? i mean -- >> i mean, well universal can afford it. >> jimmy: do you kid this to be stealing or what? >> i kid consider like adding t your pay raise. why not make more money --
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>> jimmy: i see. i understand. a fringe ben fit what it is? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: using dental insurance. >> you're going to leave waters there? >> water isn't free anymore is it, no. this is a photograph taken, you and eddie vetter. he came to the show? >> he came to the seattle show. i went up to do my set. i did the first set of the night in seattle. and i, i had invited my friend hans in seattle to come to the show. so i saw hans in the audience. i was like doing my jokes to him. kind of like being, you know, you get it, and whatever. then i got off stage and amy schumer was like, eddie vetter was laughing at your jokes. oh, my god, i heard he was here, where in the audience? she was like in the second row. i said my friend hans is in the second row. i bet he is next to him. i looked in the audience. the person i thought was my friend hans was eddie vetter. so i was like being super
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casual, with eddie vetter. you know what i am talking about. she is a little too casual with me. now i know if i am nervous about someone in the audience, i can be it's my friend hans. >> jimmy: do you get nervous. on "saturday night live" you have a big celebrity come in, watches you perform. >> i usually try to become friend with them. i always think they're cool. when kerry washington hosted. i was look i loved her so much. i was like, i'm not dating any one or anything right now. i know what this sound like, i said someday i would look to get married the i would like you to be in my bridal party. >> jimmy: that's actually weirder than what the audience was assuming. >> she was really like nice about it. she said yes. i think she thought i was kidding. i'm not. i mean. >> jimmy: reinforce it with her next time she is here.
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make sure she doesn't wear the white jacket and white hat. could clash for you. >> yeah, she's got very good style. >> jimmy: you have a lot of great characters. you do impressions. miley cyrus is one of your most famous impressions. [ applause ] >> thanks. >> the young boy, bar mitzvah kid. very funny. >> thanks. >> jimmy: in the off-season do you work on new things? >> yeah, i have been doing this stand up bit about the show "friends." i don't know if you know of "friends." >> jimmy: i have seen it. >> i just think that everyone likes those characters. but they're actually look a very exclusive clique because if someone from the outside tries to hang out with them they're very like, they make that person very uncomfortable. pretend that you are like at the "friends" house, at the apartment. ross invited you over. >> jimmy: okay. all right. >> you are hanging out, right. >> jimmy: okay. >> rachel would come over and be like, oh, jimmy, how long have
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you and ross been, uh, been hanging out? >> jimmy: that's fantastic. about six months now. yeah. >> owe, okay, did you know that ross and i used to, uh, used to date. and then monica would be look, not now, rachel. >> jimmy: i think you are right. she would be. >> yeah, yeah. then like, chandler would come out and be like when's that weird guy jimmy come over. he would see you, and he would say like my friend kimmy is weird. i should go all, kimmy. yeah, we get it chandler. first of all you knew he was there. and also, it's hurtful. you know? >> jimmy: it is. >> it's hurtful. >> jimmy: come on, do one more. >> and then i think, phoebe would be like, jimmy, i like your shirt, yeah, my neighbor has the same one, he is a male
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prostitute, but he makes a lot of money. >> jimmy: i think that was pretty solid. yeah. >> like how you doing? and then, yeah, i think rachel would be like, okay, jimmy, well we had a fun time seeing you, but you know it's just the six of us, i guess we'll see you soon. >> jimmy: very well done. that's beautiful. >> jimmy: vanessa bayer. "trainwreck" opens in theaters july 17th. we will be right back with miguel. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by a-t-and-t. mobilizing your world. ♪
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here with the song "coffee." miguel. ♪ i wish i could paint our love these moments are vibrant ♪ ♪ word play turns into gunplay the gunplay turns into pillow talk the pillow talk turns into sweet dreams ♪ ♪ sweet dreams turn into coffee in the morning we talk street and all the sarcasm crass humor all the ♪ ♪ fashion peach color moon glistnes the plot thickens cause we laugh while we shot guns and tongue kisses ♪ ♪ bubble bath truth or dare or would you rather a gold frame built no shame drugs sex and polaroid ♪
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♪ biggest star in the sky we could both say goodbye i wish i could paint our love these moments ♪ ♪ are vibrant word play turns into gunplay the gunplay turns into pillow talk the pillow talk turns into sweet dreams ♪ ♪ sweet dreams turn into coffee in the morning coffee in the morning i don't wanna wake you ♪ ♪ i just wanna watch you sleep it's the smell of your hair and it's the way we fit i never felt comfortable ♪ ♪ old souls have found a new religion now its swimming in call it baptism peace covered skies reveal the sunrise until ♪ ♪ the lost angels discover salvation
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don't you wish we could run away, no let's let's ♪ ♪ drugs sex and polaroids pick a star in the sky we could both say goodbye all night ♪ ♪ i wish i could paint our love these moments are vibrant ♪ ♪ word play turns into gunplay the gunplay turns into pillow talk the pillow talk turns into sweet dreams ♪ ♪ sweet dreams turn into coffee in the morning coffee in the morning coffee in the morning ♪ ♪ i don't wanna wake you i just wanna watch you sleep it's the smell of your hair and it's the way we fit ♪
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this is "nightline." >> tonight this is the camper where escaped convict richard matt hid out while officials searched for his and david sweat. with matt killed and sweat in custody we're at the scene of the dramatic final showdown as new details emerge about how they evaded capture for so long. welcome. is this mountain a landing site for ufos. our nick watt has an unusual assignment making himself look ripe for alien abduction. >> and on the mend. she seems invincible belting out
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