i'm dan ashley. >> i'm ama daetz. for sandhya and larry, and coming up on jimmy kimmle, actor >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, denis leary, world cup soccer champion alex morgan, and music from big talk. with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: we'll be right back. ♪

[cheers and applause] >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. if you're waiting out in the sweltering heat, you know, if you told me years ago and said jimmy, one day people will line up in the heat for hours to see your show, i would have said you're giving tickets away for free, right? the first half of 2015 has been the hottest year ever recorded. heat advisories are in effect all over the country. in parts of texas, people are direction as cows, just so they can hang out in meat lockers. in new york city, bill de blasio is asking people to keep their thermostats set to 78 degrees so they don't overload the electric

grid. do air conditioners go up to 78 degrees? starbucks serve coffee at 78 degrees. people are being advised to stay indoors and avoid strenuous activity, in ordther words, we should be doing exactly what we would be doing in strenuous heat. it's what i was born not to do. and donald trump had another hot day today. a new washington post abc poll shows donald trump leading the pack of the republican contenders. sorry. my lungs are -- [cheers and applause] he's now ahead of former florida governor jeb bush. they must be polling the same people who voted for san jie yeah on american idol. the poll was conducted before his comments about arizona

senator john mccain, the comments that have made just about everyone angry at him. on cnn last night, they asked senator lindsey graham who's a good friend of john mccain's, what he thought. this is what he said. >> earlier i spoke to lindsey, senator lindsey graham. i asked him what his first thought was when he heard trump's comments about his good friend. >> that he's a jackass. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so trump, he went on the o'reilly factor last night and gave the donald trump version of an apology which made it very easy to see why he's been divorced a couple times. and then at a campaign event in south carolina he gave out lindsey graham's personal cell phone number. >> i wrote the number down.

i don't know if it's the right number. let's try it. 202-228-0292. it's three, four years ago. maybe it's an old number, 202-228-0292. so, i don't know. give it a shot. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i have to say, he's bringing the same level of class to this presidential election that one does to a stall in a public restroom. so lindsey graham tweeted today, probably getting a new phone. iphone or android. [cheers and applause] i have to say, i've never seen anything like this. giving people's phone numbers out, it's like he's running for president of a sorority or something. and we have another 16 months to go, where could this be headed, guillermo? >> nowhere good. >> jimmy: time for a game now. our friends as cisco built

big beautiful screen. this is dare roulette. tonight our viewers will square off to see who is the bravest of them all. and let's bring them up. how are you doing? wow, what a crew we have here. look at this. we have a post it that says i love you, mom am i think she knows. i think she knows. wow. manny, are you still living with mom? >> yes, she's absolutely in the living room drinking coffee. >> jimmy: we have a little device. one of you will be selected at random, and then guillermo will spin a wheel. we have a big wheel populated

with dares. are you ready? >> yeah! >> bring it on! >> jimmy: let's find our first dare-ee. we'll see, this is truly random. vinny, you know, i have an uncle vinney. >> i know. >> your name is vinney. is that short for something? >> vinney. >> jimmy: oh. are you italian, like my uncle vinney? >> well, we don't talk about that side of the family. >> jimmy: oh, i get it. can you tell us a little bit about yourself? >> i'm in health care. i take care of alzheimer's patients. >> jimmy: that's a good thing to do. that's very nice. this is something that could potentially be embarrassing. >> who cares? >> jimmy: okay, who cares. let's find out what your dare

is. guillermo, spin the wheel for vinney. and it is going to land on -- ah, okay. rig write, i make very poor decisions on the wall. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right. so grab a pen, and head back to the wall. it looks like you've done a lot of work on that wall, too. vinny, are you 9 feet tall? >> you know why i look tall? >> jimmy: it looks like your head's about to touch the ceiling, yeah. oh. now you look, now you look 14 feet tall. >> so let me find the nearest wall. >> jimmy: right there, okay, that's good. wherever we can see it. okay. is that a sharpie you're using?

>> yes, it is. >> jimmy: it is. so we are going to have to repaint that wall, i guess, huh? >> yes, you are. >> jimmy: and when i said we, i really didn't mane us, i meant you and your friends. you completed the first dare. there you go, vinney. let's spin it again, let's do it again. let's see who we land on. here we go. ♪ oh, that are we go. it's manny, manny is doing a, manny is doing his own post-it comedy show there. how are you doing, manny? >> excellent, jimmy, how are you? >> jimmy: excellent. you're in winston salem i see. and that picture on the wall, sma you and your wife? >> no, that's me and my mother. >> jimmy: is it really? >> no, that's my wife.

>> jimmy: manny, are you ready? let's spin the wheel for man guillermo, spin it. i have a feeling manny will do just about anything. give yourself a wedgie, okay. there we go. make it a good one. all right. a boxer wedgy. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: oh, no! are you all right? are you all right, manny? [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: all right, all right. let's go back to the manny, you did it. that's enough. for god's sake.

imagine dying, giving yourself a wedgy? what a way to go. all right. who else do we have? here we go. and we land on regan. all right, regan. is it regan or reagan. >> it's reagan. >> jimmy: you're in houston, texas? >> yes. >> jimmy: what living? >> i'm a project manager with awesome stuff. >> jimmy: what's that i see on the top shelf there? >> let me show you real quick. >> jimmy: and give yourself a wedgy while you're up there. >> let me dump out all the wine corks. when you get your class ring at my school, you put it in a pitcher of beer and then drink t. >> jimmy: and you save it for ever until you have kids or you

grow up. you grow up or throw up. here we go, guillermo, spin it. spin it for regan and the wheel lands on -- oh, the first name of your least favorite co-worker. >> that one is very easy, and i have a co-worker that's going to be watching this. his name is kevin. >> jimmy: kevin, all right. sorry, kevin. three finalist. we're going to take a break. when we come back we'll have one final dare. we'll be right back. ♪ abc jimmy kimmel live, brought to you by at&t, mobilizing your world. sold! how bout the... stop drilling, you struck oil.

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[cheers and applause] >> jimmy: all right, welcome back. d den denis leary. manny's going crazyhere in his place. it's funny to look into people's homes, and that's what we've done tonight. we have one final dare. we will ask you all to do this together. and the audience and i will judge who did it best. guillermo's keeping the final dare very safe, where have you been keeping this dare? >> in my ear. >> oh, wow. >> jimmy: pull it out of your ear and manny loves you, guillermo. >> i love you, too, manny. come back dirty.

filthy person wins. >> what? >> let me read it again. >> jimmy: yeah, read it in english. [cheers and applause] >>dirty, filthy person wins. >> jimmy: i think you're saying, come back dirty, the filthiest person wins. go wherever you have to go to get dirty and then come back. dirty. yeah, regan, go get dirty. look at this, by the way. this guy knew he was going to be on tv today. and he hung a towel over the door. women have nicer places than men in general, it turns out, yeah. all right. so they're going to come back dirty, and here we go, oh, wow. oh, my god. manny, wow! what is that on your face, many in >> i think it's mud, jimmy.

>> jimmy: oh, vinney, what happened to you? what is that on your head? >> shaving cream. >> jimmy: shaving cream and now we're going to wait for regan. and regan, what did you put on, like a -- you're not that dirty, well, i'm sorry, there's really no contest here, manny is the winner, i mean, [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: all right. manny, for your efforts, you win a great prize. you get a flat screen tv and a leaf blower, and thanks to all our competitors. [cheers and applause] sign up at jimmy kimmel live.com and whoe'll put you on the wall. thanks, guys. [cheers and applause] that was weird. i was relieved to hear it was mud, to be honest with you. are you familiar with the website ashley madison.com?

>> yeah. >> jimmy: i know a lot of guys are pretending they're not. but ashley madison, they call it a dating site for married men and women who are looking to have an affair. you pay a fee of some kind and they pair you up with other sneaky people. for those who signed up for this, a group of hackers broke in and are threatening to expose the identities of more than 38 million users. they're saying shut down the site, will reveal everyone's identity. how crazy is it that they have 37 million -- isn't that everyone? isn't that, like, i mean, really, walmart doesn't have 37 million customers. and you know, 36 million of those 37 million customers are guys, right? women don't need a website, women just, all they need is a pulse, and they're fine, but if this information gets released,

millions of marriages could be affected, and that's hardest on kids. kids don't understand these things, they are very innocent until we pollute their minds. in fact, we went on the streets today and asked kids -- >> oh! >> jimmy: -- what adultery is. >> oh! >> jimmy: i'm trying to do a show. i don't know what to tell you. and here it is. kids explain adultery. ♪ >> what is adultery? >> to be a movie star. >> do you know anyone who is an adulterer? >> johnny depp. >> what is adultery? >> a dog running. >> describe adultery. >> it's archery for adults.

>> what is adultery? >> being an adult. >> what do you think the best part of adultery is? >> getting to drink. >> getting to drippingnk. >> what is adultery? >> that is fun and nufrishing and all kinds of things. >> are your parents adulterers? >> yes. >> both of them? >> yes. >> how is that? >> fun. >> what is adultery? >> what did youadultery? >> adultery? i don't know what those are. >> do you want to take a guess? do you think it's funny, adultery? until it happens to you, right? what does it mean when somebody cheats on somebody? >> it means they're cheating.

>> and what does that mean? >> it means they're not following the rules. >> and what are the rules? >> that you can't cheat. >> what does it mean when somebody cheats on somebody else? >> that means that they, you know get the wrong person and they might accidently get the different person that they're not apposed to get. >> so when you cheat on somebody, it's usually an accident? >> yeah, but not all the time. >> sometimes it's on purpose? >> yeah. >> like if you went onto ashley madison and signed up to meet somebody? >> yes. >> jimmy: right. thanks, kids. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, music from big talk, world cup champion alex morgan is here, and we'll be right back with denis leary. so stick around. ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by schick hydro. with a great shave, epic things

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♪ >> jimmy: tonight, from the world cup winning u.s. women's soccer team, alex morgan is here. then later, from las vegas, nevada, their new album comes out friday, it's called, "straight in, no kissin'," big talk from the samsung stage. this is ronnie vannucci's band, ronnie is the drummer for the killers. tomorrow night, ed helms will be here, as will brie larson from "trainwreck" and we'll have

music from joss stone. and on thursday night, colin farrell and meghan trainor too. join us for those shows. >> jimmy: our first guest tonight is a very funny comedian, actor, and smoker with a new show that may hold the world record for heaviest use of ampersands, it's called "sex and drugs and rock and roll." watch it on fx thursday nights at 10. please welcome denis leary. ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: yeah, i'm little -- >> can i sit here? >> jimmy: it's fine, as long as

we don't actually contact our lips or our hands. >> i know, and i kissed your hair. what is it? it cut my lip. >> jimmy: his hair has the consistency of the comb like fonzy would carry around. >> i was very surprised. it hurt. i'm mad at you. >> jimmy: why? >> because. so many reasons. >> jimmy: what did i do? >> my kids are 23 and 25. and so that, and their generation, you are -- forget david letterman, like you, conen and jon stewart, that's all i hear in my house every day, kimmel said this, kimmel, kimmel, jon stewart, kimmel, kimmel. first of all, i know these guys. they're scum like me. so my son comes to me and says, hey, dad, jimmy kimmel and howard stern have this new thing. they're geniuses. squatty potty.

you know what that is in the little stool you put next to your toilet and puts you in a squatting position while you poop? i'm going, what are you talking about? my son goes, they're geniuses. they've changed the way you go to the bathroom. two rich white guys with their heads so far up their own asses have ways to help people poop better. >> jimmy: it's really important. >> so of course i'm completely dismissive. so it's a true story. memorial day weekend. i drive everywhere, i didn't drive here, but i drive everywhere, so i'm driving from detroit to new york. i only drive pickup trucks and big-ass suvs. dad, the environment, you drive these big trucks so fast, endangered species. i'm like, i'm a 57 year old irish guy who likes

coffee-flavored coffee. give me a break. so she's like, don't you want to save the planet? yeah, in another 35 years i'm good. i'm not spending the next 35 years drive around in a prius eating steamed kale. if you see me in a prius at all. it means i'm being held hostage. these are my bacon double cheeseburger years, ladies and gentlemen, which is what i buy at the burger king while i'm driving from detroit to new york. i get a bacon double cheeseburger. biodegradable napkins, which is hilarious, because the cheeseburger is going to be in my colon for the next 35 years. i drive fast and smoke, and sing it's like pickup karaoke. and you know that thing you do when you check with your ass?

you hey, we all right? and yeah, we're good to go, pal. as soon as i go past that rest area, i see a sign that says next rest area, 26 miles. that's the moment that my ass goes, we have to go. i'm having a conversation with my ass in my pickup truck. i'm like, i just asked you guys. what's going on? so now i'm driving and you know that thing you get that thing where i can clench it up for a while. i think i can do the 26 miles. when you walk around clenching your ass, it's easy. you're in a standing position, the white guy walk. these are my black friends do this walk when they have to go to the bathroom. but in a car you're already in the seated position so the ass has the advantage. they say, wait a minute, are we at a toilet now? where are we?

[cheers and applause] and i'm fighting t i stopped singing. because you don't want to hit a high note if you've got one in there. i'm not even humming at this point. and i look and see an area, i can do this area a little clearing going into the woods. i get out of the truck and kind of walking backwards. i want to step back far enough so people can't see me. by the way, one of the great things about the ford f-150, it hides you when you take a poop. i got to a certain point, it's like, hey, nobody can see me. and as soon as i said that is correct my ass went, we got to go. i squatted, in the full position, and it was over like that. it was the quickest, easiest poop i've ever taken in my life. i had my burger king napkins in my hand. i was, like, if i have to wipe, that's how -- >> oh! >> i tell you, ladies and

gentlemen, i stood up and looked down, it was the perfect poop. and i said to myself, jimmy kimmel is a genius. jimmy, jimmy kimmel, i got to buy a squatty potty, and while i'm doing that, i hear this voice, hey! i look up, not far enough behind people are having a barbecue behind the fence. i have my pants down, the napkins in my hand. i don't know if they thought it was me or william dafoe. >> jimmy: denis leary. we'll be right back. asian chicken salad. ooh - ten piece chicken mcnuggets! minions: (speaking in minionese) ha ha ha ha ha! this summer, come play like a minion!

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♪ don't eat me ♪ oh, no, don't eat me >> jimmy: that is denis leary in sex and drugs and rock and roll. it's very, very funny. i take it you're not a fan of morrissy? >> i love the who, one of my favorite rock bands of all time, but i'm not a tommy or a quad ra fine yeah guy. i'm a three-minute, four-minute rock guy. when progressive rock was happening in the '70s, it drove me crazy. i love radio head, but when they start to get a little pretentious -- >> jimmy: long form. >> like you can't have meat at madison square garden? i can't have a hot dog, i paid

$300 to see you? let me have a hot dog. >> jimmy: who's your all-time favorite? >> rolling stones. [cheers and applause] >> rolling stones, the who, david bowie. >> jimmy: have you met these guys? >> i have met mick jagger and the guys from the who. david bowie, i don't know why, but david bowie to me is kind of like a god. there's something about him, and i met him when i was first getting famous, i was doing this tv show. and you had to go outside to smoke. so i went out in the alley by the stage door. >> jimmy: you're a smoker. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sorry. >> so anyways, he's a smoker, and he was the musical guest. i was out there hanging out, and all of a sudden david bowie walks up and says do you have a cigarette? and i couldn't talk, and i was, like, hey, what's bobcat gold

waite like? is he weird? is he weird? i'm like, he's a little weird, but he's not as weird as the guy he plays on stage? and he goes what about steven wright? is he really weird? he really is weird. i'm thinking i'm going to get a conversation with bowie, and bobcat, does he really wear those clothes? and then they call him for the sound check, never see him again. so bobcat is who we talked about. >> jimmy: he's going to love this story. >> my fear is next time i meet bowie, how's bobcat? >> jimmy: i hear he has a great sense of humor. >> he's a comedy buff, or he just hates me. that's possible. >> jimmy: what's really interesting is you really write these songs in the television show. >> co-write the songs.

i have a writing partner in chris phillips, greg dooley, and the afghanist wigs. my fictional band was about to become famous in the early '90s when the afghan wigs and nirvana became famous. and greg dooley worked with the afghan wigs. >> jimmy: and the music would be a lot of fun i would think. >> here's the thing. i'm obviously not a rock star. i sing the [ bleep ] song when i do a concert. in front of 50,000 people i can sing the [ bleep ] song and act goofy. i took it for granted you could be a rock tar instar in a tv sh. you have to dance cool. i can't dance cool. i was like five seconds in the song, and they're like, what are you doing? i go i'm dancing around, that

doesn't look like dancing, man. i was so worried about the dancing moves they gave me. they said we'll get you a teleprompter, i couldn't read the print in the teleprompter. so they gave me these to ware on stage that are prescription glasses so i could see, and that's when i found out most rock stars who wear sun glasses on stage, they're prescription. >> jimmy: really? >> bono, mick jagger, you're 70. you going to remember three hours worth of songs? >> jimmy: you have another project you've been working on. near and dear to your heart. >> i'm glad you brought that up. >> jimmy: and i think it is worthwhile and something that people will be interested. >> i really appreciate you letting me come here tonight. we've been funny and now it's the serious part. it's a cause i'm involved with, i guess the best way to say it,

it's really vital in the summertime. i think it's great that we're running it now. >> jimmy: take a look. >> ah, summertime, you know summer's all about having fun, lounging by the pool, hanging with your friends and eating soup. that's right. soup. hi, i'm denis leary reminding you that a piping hot bowl of soup is the perfect treat on a hot summer day, right, dad? >> right. >> right. >> right. >> right. >> summertime is soup time, so grab your spoon and slurp down a hardy bowl of beef barley, black bean, even matzo ball. >> takes like summer! >> you said it, pal. >> what about gazpacho? >> gazpacho's not [ bleep ] soup. this summer, make it soup!

have a souper summer! >> message from the american soup council. >> jimmy: sex and drugs and rock and roll. we'll be right back with alex morgan! ♪ >> dicky: kimmel live" are brought to you by schick hydro. with a great shave, epic things happen. check them out at "epic-barbershop.com." bend the rules of what's possible with the epic hp x360. ...where you least expect it. schick hydro. now with shave oils,

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>> jimmy: earlier this month, our next guest helped the united states steamroll all who opposed us to bring home the fifa women's world cup trophy. in september, she graces the cover of ea sports "fifa 16." please welcome alex morgan. alex morgan! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you for this. it's a really nice gift.

>> it's a present for the next ten minutes. >> jimmy: isn't it supposed to be a cup? it's the world cup, isn't it supposed to be a cup? >> that's a really good point. i never thought about that. >> jimmy: yeah, if you were to try to drink out of this, it would be a disaster. >> can funnel through right there. >> jimmy: i really enjoyed watching you guys, it was fantastic. and i know you just had a knee surgery? >> yeah. i'm doing good. i got off crutches yesterday, i learned how to walk up and walk down stairs. it's like teaching a baby all over again. >> jimmy: is it really? ? >> i accelerate a little faster than babies do. >> jimmy: when do you go back to work? >> a couple weeks. and then with our celebration tour all throughout the u.s. with the national team. >> jimmy: what is the celebration tour? >> celebrating our win, victory

tour, celebration tour. >> jimmy: you go around and play people? >> we're going to play other teams, a lot of teams that were in the world cup, costa rica, australia and a couple other teams. we'll start in i believe pittsburgh and go from there and kind of like two games at a time and a break. >> jimmy: so these are teams like costa rica for instance are not interested in celebrating your big win. it's a revenge tour for them. hey, we're going to kill you guys. when you play a team from another country and nobody speaks english. maybe there are a few that speak english from japan or something like that, is it, do you have on-field communication with your opponents? >> do we want to? >> jimmy: i don't know. is there some universal trash talk that goes on? >> i think a good glare is good. when they foul me, and i'm like,

don't do that again. >> jimmy: are there some teams you like playing more than others or dislike more than others? >> yeah. >> jimmy: which team do you least enjoy facing? >> canada is a good rivalry? >> jimmy: why canada? >> they are super physical. and some people might say that they're dirty, and that's not me saying that. maybe some people say that. >> jimmy: they do. >> but maybe they could say that to us, too, so. >> jimmy: they would be delighted to hear that they're dirty in some way, because they seem so clean up there, above us. really, like cleaning their cleats down on us, here in detroit and stuff like that. and yet, wow, the canadians are the dirty ones. i would never have guessed that. >> i didn't say that. you said that. >> jimmy: but i said it as a result of you saying it. ? >> as a result of others saying that. >> jimmy: as a result of others observing that.

is this something you dreamed of your whole life? >> definitely since i was like 8 years old. i wrote a little yellow sticky note to my mom when i was 8 saying i wanted to play professional soccer and signed my name and she kept it for like 15 years. we photocopied it in my first book that is part of the kick series that is a "new york times" best seller. >> jimmy: you have children's books. >> yeah. >> jimmy: your dad's been to every game. >> that i have for your daughter back stage. >> jimmy: i have to tell you something, i am a real critic of these children's books thousano. >> so i hear. >> jimmy: i go through the book, i say this is terrible. put this on the crap shelf. >> i seriously hope you don't do that to my books. >> jimmy: i'll discuss it with the canadians, and we'll let you know. no, i -- >> 8-year-olds love it. >> jimmy: i would love it if my

daughter played soccer. my older daughter played soccer briefly, but she hated it. >> that's unfortunate. >> jimmy: she could be sitting here alongside you and i could have one of these in my house. instead, i have nothing! >> you have it for ten minutes. >> jimmy: you are the first female to be on the u.s. version of the fifa. have you played this? [cheers and applause] >> the other day i played it, yeah. >> jimmy: are you any good at it? >> i learned how to pass, how to shoot really high. i can't, like, shoot on frame. i'm really bad at that in the game. but it's an incredible honor. and there's 12 women's teams in the game. and it's the first time ever that women are featured. >> jimmy: you guys had a big ticker-tape parade in new york city. we have some footage. look at how many people showed up. >> yeah.

[cheers and applause] >> jimmy: that had to be one of the greatest days ever, right? >> it was, it was honestly one of the best moments of my life, aside from the world cup win and, you know, couple other thithi things, this was top five. hundreds of thousands of fans. we were soaking it in. >> jimmy: they don't even make ticker tape anymore. >> they somehow found lots of stuff to throw at the windows. we were getting these confetti. you know the shredder. >> jimmy: people were throwing old legal documents at you. is there more than one of these? >> that's all we get is one. >> jimmy: this is the only one, the whole team has to share this? >> i know, i know. >> jimmy: that's an outrage, and

i call on fifa to fix this! get every member of the team a trophy. fifa 16 is available and comes out september 22nd. alex morgan!

>> jimmy: i want to thank denis leary and alex morgan. i want to apologize to matt damon, we did run out of time for matt damon. this is our guest band, it's a terrific album. straight in, no kissin'. unfortunately, we have run out of time for you guys tonight, and i know you got dressed up, and i was wondering -- >> that's no way to treat a lady. >> jimmy: i know, is it possible you guys could maybe come back next week and do the show? [cheers and applause] we'd love to have you. >> i could get used to this. >> jimmy: may i say, you look quite smashing, ronnie, you really do. that's the album.

and it comes out on friday. big talk, they'll be back next week. "nightline" is next. thanks for watching. goodnight . this is "nightline." tonight, one woman's dramatic hot car hero ibs, caught on camera, wielding a tire iron to free a screaming, sweaty toddler locked inside. but this summer safety concern can be deadly, and tonight we'll show you just how hot it can get. how can you protect your child and others? we're at beauty conwhere youtube celebrities meet thousands of their fans, some as young as 8, who are now spending as never before to emulate their social media idols. they say their message is positive. >> i need to get me some of everything. >> but is the spending out of control? and thehe