and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live." >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- maya rudolph, adam scott, this week in unnecessary censorship -- and music from andrea bocelli, with cleto and the cletones! and now, don't worry, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> jimmy: very nice. thank you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. thanks for everything, really. very nice. the holidays are in the air. everybody's got that spirit. tonight at the white house, president obama and his family lit up the national christmas tree. it's the 93rd annual lighting of the national christmas tree. the tree will stand on the white house grounds through the new year after which the first lady, michelle obama, will chop it up, harvest the needles and bark to feed her family throughout the winter. it's what they eat now, it's very healthy. in new york last night they lit the tree at rockefeller center. this is a big event televised on nbc every year. the star of the show wasn't on top of the tree where it usually is. the star of this show was screwing around in the crowd

behind willie geist. >> mary j. blige, ladies and gentlemen. in this giant crowd that's become a bit of a drizzly night. let's talk about mary j., what'd you think? >> right now we've got a very special performance from a youth choir that embodies the christmas spirit, their commitment to both excellence and diversity has made them one of a kind. here to perform "joy to the world" is the young people's chorus of new york city and the best-selling classical music signer of all-time. he's currently on tour in the united states which includes a night down the street here at madison square garden on december the 9th. >> jimmy: imagine that face popping up and looking at you in the window. donald trump made a major announcement today via twitter. after months of refusing to release his medical records, which is something most of the other candidates have already done, trump tweeted, as a presidential candidate i have instructed my long-time doctor to issue within two beweeks a fl

meteorologi medical report, it will show perfecti perfection. or my doctor will be fired. doesn't exercise, doesn't play sports regularly, he primarily eats hamburgers, bacon and steak. this guy eats whenever he wants, he douses himself in colope, he has crazy plans to keep bad guys out. he's basically macaulay cullen in "home alone." and to prove today that he is in great health, he released this revealing endoscope video. >> look at that uvula, what a fantastic uvula, right here is where i used to have my tonsils but i had them taken out because they were losers. there's my liver. isn't it gorgeous? most livers filter out 93% of toxins in the body? mine filters out 100%. jeb bush's liver, 71%. his liver is a joke. now we're going to see my sphincter. and this sphincter is really going to blow your mind. i had it plated in 24 karat

gold. it is the number one sphincter of all-time and it is huge. >> jimmy: he's beautiful on the inside too, you see? [ cheers and applause ] donald trump's still out there talking to people. he was in manassas, virginia, last night. he got an interesting question from a kid who showed up to see him. >> a young man, come on, young guy. >> so you're going to build the wall. what's it going to be made out of? >> oh. hey, that's a good question. lift him up here, bring him up here. this is such a great question. ready? are you ready? >> what are the walls going to be made of? hello! >> jimmy: what is going on? the walls aring if to be made out of little boys, that's what they're going to be made out of. i love the way he picked that kid up. not exactly the lion king, you know? lindsey graham is also running for president. why, i don't know. he's polling at less than 1% but

he's forging ahead. this morning he spoke at the republican jewish coalition forum in washington. he was very optimistic about his party's shot at the white house in 2016. >> we can win this lake. election. you know how you win this election? you don't lose it. whoa! thank you. >> jimmy: really kind of sums it up, doesn't it? even his body wants him to drop out of the race. christmas eve is now only three weeks away. we have a holiday tradition around here. every year guillermo and i have elf costumes. we put those to do help santa. santa can't do everything so we talk to kids to see if they've been naughty or nice. we talk to the parents before we talk to the kids. the child you're about to see is an unusually smart young man, his name is quinn, mom tells us he has an elf on the shelf named dusty and that was all the information we needed.

>> how you doing? >> good. >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm an elf, this is guillermo, he's an elf. may i have your letter to santa? thank you. have a seat right there. yeah, just jump up right there. i like your spider-man shoes. >> thank you. >> jimmy: let's see here. dear santa. i like your elves. love, quinn. oh, that's nice. >> guillermo: that's really nice. >> jimmy: thank you. that's really nice of you to say. thank you for this drawing. you made a drawing for us. >> yes. >> jimmy: to the elves, love, quinn. >> guillermo: oh, nice. >> jimmy: if santa let us have a refrigerator we'd hang this on it but he doesn't. anyway, have a seat right there. i need to ask you a couple questions. by the way, the elf that works at your house on the shelf, that's dusty, right? right. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> guillermo: we know dusty. >> jimmy: i went to college with dusty. >> don't want anything else on the shelf. >> jimmy: a shelf elf, we're north pole elves. we rank a little higher.

dusty hasn't been so smart but he's been keeping an eye on you and he says you're a pretty good kid so that's good news, right? >> right, because he's my elf, how would he not say that? >> jimmy: you realize elves all belong to santa claus. he's there to help santa claus decide who gets toys and who doesn't. >> the nice ones get toys, the naughty ones don't. >> jimmy: that's right. that's what dusty is doing. essentially he's a snitch. >> uh. >> jimmy: okay. he said you sometimes tell little lies? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah? okay. said sometimes you watch tv without asking? >> i know, because my nanny is like turning on tv. >> jimmy: oh. >> that's because -- >> jimmy: what does she watch? >> she watches some things that are spanish. >> guillermo: dusty. >> how's dusty going to do that? he's an eloff a shelf, how's he going to talk. >> guillermo: smart kid. >> jimmy: smart kid.

have you been good? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how about the kids at school? >> my kids at school, i've been nice to them. >> jimmy: have they been nice to you? >> yeah. >> jimmy: who's been especially nice to you this year? >> i think jet, jonathan, i think -- >> jimmy: jet, jonathan. who has been not nice to you at school? >> one of my friends, kallen. he said bad words. >> jimmy: what bad words did he say? >> i'm going to cut your brain off with this sword or knife, i don't know. >> jimmy: you don't want to cut your brain off. well, i'm going to tell santa about that for surely. >> surely. because he needs to know what happened at school. >> jimmy: exactly, he needs to know what happened in school because i tell you something, we have all these elves on the shelf. we have nobody watching the schools. that's why i'm glad you're here. do you think santa is fat? >> no. >> jimmy: are you telling the truth? >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you think this elf is fat?

[ laughter ] i'm looking at it carefully. >> jimmy: yeah? >> that's because i'll get a more sensitive look. >> jimmy: what do you think? now that you've looked at him? you think he's fat? >> shape-wise? if you stand up? >> jimmy: stand up for him. >> that -- basically that way i'll get -- >> jimmy: if you want to feel his stomach, go ahead. okay, have a seat there, elf. so what do you think? is this elf fat? nod your head once like this, once for yes. and do this for no.

>> um -- >> jimmy: what was? is that a yes or a no? that was a no? oh, was that a yes? >> no, i'm saying like correct. >> jimmy: you're saying correct, hes fat? >> that's why i'm saying correct. like when i shook my head yes. >> jimmy: yes, he's fat? >> yeah, that's what i meant. >> jimmy: that's what you penitentiary. meant. >> guillermo: good boy, you told me the truth, that's good. >> jimmy: seems like you're a pretty good kid. seems like you're doing everything right. santa's wanting me to say he's proud of you and he also wanted me to say ho ho ho to you also. >> yeah. >> jimmy: anything you want to say back to santa? >> i like you, santa. >> jimmy: i like you, santa. i like you, santa. why do you like him? >> because he brings presents.

>> jimmy: because you bring presents. because you bring presents. >> you should sut an exclamation mark. >> jimmy: put a what? >> put an exclamation park. >> jimmy: i like you because you bring -- presents! >> guillermo: this kid's smart. >> jimmy: you're a smart kid, yeah. your elf on the shelf is going to be watching you. keep being good. it's very nice to meet you. merry christmas to you. >> merry christmas to you too. >> jimmy: and to all a good night. right? >> bye. >> jimmy: nice meeting you. >> nice meeting you too. >> jimmy: take care. you think he's fat? yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo. what was the number one most liked picture on instagram this year? i have that and "this week in unnecessary sistcensorship" too stick around, we'll be right

back. with t-mobile and the incredible iphone 6s you can reach more people in more places than before. whether you're at home in the basement on the open road or pulling the late shift at work. you're more connected now because t-mobile doubled its lte coverage in the past year. and our extended range lte goes two times farther than before and is four times better in buildings. get iphone 6s for zero upfront and just five bucks a month. are those... you there... stormtroopers! halt! turn here. go go! follow them!

bb-8! beep, beep! this way! where'd they go? they went that way! that way, they went that way! i can't believe that worked! of course it worked! beep, beep, beep! time in the service... community college... it matters. it's why we, at university of phoenix, count your relevant work and college experience as credits toward your degree. learn more at phoenix.edu.

intel's best processor is here. i'm not ready so you can take this very real, very terrifying memory and edit it, share it, play it back in 4k quality. introducing intel's new 6th generation core processor it's our best processor ever. starthe first star iht, see tonight i wish i may, i wish i might, have the wish i wish tonight wishes do come true. the lincoln wish list event is on. right now get exceptional offers on the entire lincoln family. for a limited time sign and drive off in a new 2016 lincoln mkx

for $489 a month with zero due at signing. on his legendary quest jack went looking for a man. known simply as...the onion whisperer. the onion said... "you must prepare me three ways... " "...then put it all on a burger..." "...and make a commercial about it." and that's the legend of the cheddar onion buttery jack. crispy, grilled and caramelized-onion aioli. the cheddar onion buttery jack. part of the buttery jack family.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi. welcome back to the show. maya rudolph, adam scott, and music from andrea bocelli on the way. first a major social media milestone. instagram today unveiled their top ten most-liked photos of the year. may i have a drumroll please? the winner with 3.2 million likes was this post from miss kendall jenner. and there it is. that's her hair in heart shapes. that happened naturally, there was no -- that is the most liked instagram photo, not just of the year, of all-time.

kendall's younger sister kylie had the fourth most liked photo. one reason for their popularity is the jenners were bred specifically for instagram. unfortunately none of my posts made the top ten. i really thought that this one. a mostly eaten fruit salad. maybe next year. very disappointing though, you know? ♪ . >> okay, guys, we have so much to talk about. it's been an amazing first half of "jimmy kimmel live." tonight jimmy had really funny things to say about donald trump, take a look at the clip. >> this guy, he eats whenever he wants, he douses himself in cologne, he has crazy plans to keep bad guys out, he's basically macaulay culkin in "home alone." >> what a joke, i'm what a show. we're going to break it down, i'm chris hartwick and this is "committal."

welcome, welcome to the show. great to have you here. our jkl conversation is just getting started -- >> chris, what's going on? >> oh, i'm just doing my new show. >> jimmy: what show? >> the "jimmy kimmel live" mid-show recap show. >> jimmy: but i'm right in the middle of my monologue here. >> i know, it's great! that is what we're talking about! a lot of stuff to talk about. tweet your thoughts, theories and questions about ki-monologue to at -- >> jimmy: can you wait till after the show is finished like you do on "talking dead"? that's after the show. >> the show is called "ki-middle" not "ki-after." i don't to around interrupting your show. >> jimmy: actually, that is kind of exactly what you're doing right now. >> my first guest is jimmy's lo long-time parking lot security guard, please welcome guillermo! [ cheers and applause ]

>> good to see you. so good to see you in person, i'm a huge fan. guillermo, at the beginning of the episode we see you standing at the theater door. all right? your arms are by your side, you're looking down, you cross your hands. what is going through your head in that moment? >> guillermo: i'm thinking, when is jimmy going to stop talking? because i'm hungry. >> makes perfect sense. without big giving away any spoilers -- >> jimmy: seriously, this is flattering and everything. but i'm trying to -- you got to wrap this up. >> guys, look who dropped by! jimmy kimmel is here! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy kimmel, thank you so much for coming on. >> jimmy: i really am not here -- i'm not his guest, i'm not your guest, i'm doing my own show. >> you're on my guest, you're on my set. everyone wants you on my show, right, guys? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. i'll sit for a minute. >> jimmy kimmel, everyone! [ cheers and applause ]

>> i didn't know we'd get you this far into beginning of the run but thank you so much for joining us. we hope there wasn't too much traffic getting from over there. >> jimmy: yeah. no, there wasn't. >> let talk about a clip that happened earlier tonight. all right? when you talk to kids, jimmy, i'm sincere when i say this i really mean this i feel like that's really you at your best. >> oh. >> jimmy: don't you think so? >> jimmy: sometimes you watch tv without asking? >> i know, because my nanny is like turning on tv. >> jimmy: oh. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> that is so adorable? thanks. >> is that your daughter? >> jimmy: okay, you know what? it's time to wrap this show up, thank you so much. >> that's what i'm trying to, do jimmy, wrap up the show. >> jimmy: guillermo? guillermo, please escort mr. hardwick -- >> guillermo: wow, what an intense episode of "kimiddle." we're going to break it down.

this is "middle kimiddle!" my first guest is the host of "kimiddle," chris stretch. >> jimmy: what? >> guillermo: chris stretch! >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: what a great show tonight. we have a lot of chemistry. >> we, do you're facing me in a weird way and it feels gooed. this is exciting to be on your show. >> jimmy: what did you call him? >> chris harnswitch. >> i'm chris harnswitch. >> jimmy: i'm sorry to interrupt but i am in the middle of my show. we do something on thursday night. it's called "unnecessary censorship." i apologize. but if you don't want, i'd like to go to that now. >> sure. >> i don't know any other way to put this, i'm going to say it. mike dukakis [ bleep ] turkey [ bleep ]. >> when we come right back is president obama [ bleep ]ing hillary clinton? >> i [ bleep ] a lot of businesspeople, i [ bleep ] a

lot of union leaders, i [ bleep ] as many people as i could fit in the day. >> we have the experience to step in as commander in chief. if i were to get hit by a bus. or choke on a [ bleep ]. >> from beaver's big [ bleep ] to angelina jolie making us cringe -- >> if your loved one has a bucket list and they've always wanted to try [ bleep ] we can do a gift certificate. >> not a day goes by that my mom doesn't [ bleep ] me. for hours. >> okay, stop [ bleep ]ing my grandma. >> i'm self-funding my own campaign, all these other guys are like [ bleep ] suckers. >> as soon as he saw me he ran over, two paws in the middle of the chest, jumped up, started [ bleep ]ing my face. he recognized me. >> sometimes kids your age get really excited about [ bleep ]ing. >> well, yeah, [ bleep ]ing is the best, baby! >> you know, [ bleep ]ing does

feel good. >> yeah, baby! [ cheers and applause ] >>. >> guillermo: i know when we showed the clip of jimmy and i dressed at elves -- >> that was so good. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break from our -- from their -- whose sponsors? >> mine. >> guillermo: mine. >> jimmy: andrea bocelli, chris hardwick, everybody. we'll be right back with maya rudolph! >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by samsung pay. i don't think -- what's that? snapshot from progressive. plug it in, and you can save on car insurance based on your good driving. you sell to me? no, it's free. you want to try? i try this if you try... not this. okay. da!

( ♪ ) uniqlo's revolutionary thin fabric converts body moisture into heat and retains it. ( ♪ ) heattech. super thin, super warm. ( ♪ )

>> jimmy: tonight, from the new movie "krampus," adam scott is here. then, a mortal man with a voice from heaven. his latest album is called "cinema." andrea bocelli from the samsung stage. we have fun shows for you next week, with albert brooks, wanda sykes, calista flockhart, tony hale from "veep", formula one racer lewis hamilton, chef adam perry lang will be here. plus music from rick ross, band of merrymakers, and run the jewels. and monday night, a special show with director quentin tarantino and the cast of "the hateful eight" -- sam jackson, kurt russell, channing tatum and many more. so, saddle up for that. with the holiday season upon us, it seems most appropriate to welcome a guest who shares a name with the most famous reindeer of all. she's a very funny person who joins her former castmates, amy and tina, from "saturday night live" in the new movie, "sisters." >> why?

>> gaaah! >> is this such a brilliant idea? >> we slicking! >> i wish we had some -- >> what perfume is on you? >> you like that? it's risky, by jennifer love hewitt, you can only get it at kohl's. >> i'm wearing erecollection by call lin kline. >> jimmy: "sisters" opens december 18th. please welcome maya rudolph. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how you doing? >> i'm good, how are you? >> jimmy: when your last name is rudolph is the holiday season a time of much annoyance? >> i kind of like it. >> you do? >> i feel like a celebrity. like when they would sing "rue dofrl the red-nosed reindeer" in school in third grade i was

like -- >> jimmy: you were in the bill murray christmas special. >> yes. >> jimmy: that seems like it was a lot of fun, the netflix show. >> it was dream come true, complete blast. i'm a die-hard bill murley -- >> jimmy: he's the aboutest and he doesn't disappoint in real life. if anything he seems funnier in the wild. >> he is. he's a comedy dreamboat. and he's a human dreamboat. >> jimmy: when did you first meet bill murray? >> i actually met him -- it was really kind of a very strange moment when i was working at "saturday night live." i worked there a couple of years. ichts kind of the moment where i was feeling like, do i do anything here? do people like me? i walked past the old rosie o'donnell studio. he was doing "the jane pauley show" at the time, in a little dressing room. he saw me and he went like that. then he came out and he just slung me over his shoulder.

and carried me off. like a fresh kill. then we just went around the corner. and then he just put me down. and he started talking to me about my experience working at the show and like hang in there. it was as though we'd had a telepathic conversation about what it's like to work there. like, don't give up, you're doing great. it was kind of amazing. >> jimmy: when you were talking, did he still have you over his shoulder? or did he put you down to give you the pep talk? >> he put me down to give me the pep talk. >> jimmy: that makes more sense. >> but i'm not totally certain because we also drank a lot of scotch. >> jimmy: really. >> and then he just vaporized into vin air and he was gone. >> jimmy: poof, he's gone. it's really, really magical. >> he's magical. >> jimmy: how long did you, amy and tina work simultaneously on "saturday night live"? >> i was there seven years. >> jimmy: seven years you were there. >> tina came before me, amy came the year after me. i don't know, i feel like it's

like -- like in dog years, it must be like. >> jimmy: it's almost yike you went to college together or something. >> it was literally like college. it was like our offices were like dorm rooms, the most filthy, disgusting -- >> jimmy: they were. >> they were horrible. we were there all night. sometimes you stay late writing things. we stayed so late, especially on writing night, i would get home at 8:00 a.m., 10:00 a.m., so the cleaning crew would never be able to get in there. >> jimmy: right. >> so just all the old mcdonald's just stayed for like weeks. then like, you know -- it was like dorm room art. we would be so tired we'd go into each other's offices and cry. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. actually, amy poehler put it in her book. my favorite time that we had -- we were just having a really emotional moment in my office that i shared with my friend emily spivey, a writer on the show. and amy. we were sitting there. emily was crying about something, i don't remember.

we were just so stressed out, so tired. and we had a cleaning lady named rosa who was about this tall. and she was so sweet. and she did not speak a lot of english. she came in and she saw emily crying and she put her hand on her shoulder and she said, "okay, sexy." that was it. it was so comforting. >> jimmy: yeah. a very strange mixed message too. >> crying is sexy! >> jimmy: as a comic actress when you hear something like that, it really must delight you beyond words because you can use that. >> i put rosa up at the table a lot. when we knew the writers rec was coming somebody wroes a rosa update so i ended up doing rosa on the show. >> jimmy: did rosa know? >> rosa was going to write the jokes for everyone during the writer's strike. >> jimmy: not a bad idea.

>> she was pretty good at it. >> jimmy: you play a realtor -- this movie's very funny. >> thank you, so funny. >> jimmy: you play a realtor, a strange species of human it occurred to me. they're almost like celebrities. because they're on buses and benches and that kind of thing. >> exactly. very serious, a lot of power suits, a lot of like adult -- they dress like adults. >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. >> right? >> jimmy: they do, like in costume. >> yes. >> jimmy: when you dress like an adult for halloween is what realtors dress like. >> that's what it feels like. >> jimmy: your character has a funny name. >> my character has a beautiful name. and it's brenda with an "i." >> jimmy: brinda. >> which kind of just says everything about brinda. and she's like the arch nemesis of the movie which i have not done. so it's kind of scary to be like the villain but also like way more fun. and then to do it with your friends. so we got to have our moments of like, she's trying to sneak into the party, because in high school she was never invited to

the party. >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> then they have one as adults and she's like, i'm invited? and she's not. >> jimmy: it plays out in a very funny way. your husband, your partner, father of your children, with whom you live, i don't know what the hell -- >> i'm going to write that verbatim on the next form. >> jimmy: on the tax form. paul thomas anderson is a fantastic director. do you sit your children down and like show them movies, your movies, your favorite -- >> not our movies. they've not seen "boogie nights" or anything like that. >> jimmy: they have not. >> not yet. we keep promising, when you're older you can see daddy's movies. not yet. they haven't seen much what was i've done either. my oldest daughter is like, why don't we ever get to see your stuff? and i was like, because your mother has a filthy mouth. but when pearl was a baby we used to show her "singing in the rain" and all these things we wanted to share with them. i was like, i want to show them the comedies i loved.

then this summer we actually had an amazing opportunity because we were traveling -- we were in europe, we were staying in a house, the only video in english was "airplane." >> jimmy: oh, yeah, that's a good one. >> we showed the kid joos "airplane." >> jimmy: how old are the kids? >> 10, 6, 4, 2. so yes, my 2-year-old saw "airplane." the jiggling boobies next to the jell-o. i was so proud because my girls started quoting it and they'd pretend to be johnny, the fog is getting thicker and leon's getting large! yes! >> jimmy: yeah, i know i think like probably 100 lines from that movie. >> when i was -- this is not a joke. when i was i think in the third grade, i realized that i had memorized the jive scene. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> after he eats the bad fish. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and june cleaver walks up to help out. >> jimmy: do you remember it? >> yes.

>> jimmy: can you do it for us? >> totally. [ cheers and applause ] >> so he goes -- she mofo. but a lay. fish got me down to the bone. it's jacking me up. tag me. and then the stewardess comes over and she goes, i'm sorry, is something wrong? and his friend goes, he say he can't hang. june cleaver comes over and she goes, excuse me, stewardess, i speak jive. this man says he's in great pain and would like you to help him. she says, just tell him to relax and ili'll be back with medicine. june comes over and goes, just hang loose, blood, we going to get you on the rebound on the other side. first dude goes, what give mama ain't no dumbmy. she sit, chump don't want the help chump don't get the help.

[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. maya rudolph, everybody. go see her in "sisters" december 18th. we'll be right back! actually, philly was the first capital. oh, honey... no. ♪ wait, did you just have that on your phone? it's time to mix it up. do it, dad! yeah, do it! there are thousands of ways into the complex health care system. it was frozen. daddy's hand looks funny. and choosing unitedhealthcare can help make it simpler by letting you know when your claim has been processed. yo, adrian. still not funny. unitedhealthcare

a medlewith two sweet ginger ristretto shots of starbucks christmas blend espresso . all together in perfect harmony. introducing the holiday spice flat white only at starbucks for the season. ♪

♪ and let roomba jufrom irobot®an help with your everyday messes. roomba navigates your entire home cleaning up pet hair and debris for up to 2 hours. which means your floors are always clean. you and roomba from irobot® better together™. alaska. finally. the search for brown bears begins. denali highway. low on gas. pit stop. fill up. double points. yep, that's cold. tired. day 2. coffee. eggs. double points. beautiful. majestic... nothing. where are you, bear? warm. warmer. warmer. yes. wherever the journey takes you, carry american express gold. it's more than a card. it's the gear that gets it done.

♪ can i have a little more? ♪ ♪ five, six, seven, eight, ♪ nine, ten, i love you ♪ ♪ sail the ship ♪ chop the tree ♪ skip the rope ♪ look at me ♪ all together now ♪ all together now ♪ all together now ♪ all together now everything nike for everyone. kohl's.

intel's best processor is here. i'm not ready so you can take this very real, very terrifying memory and edit it, share it, play it back in 4k quality. introducing intel's new 6th generation core processor it's our best processor ever.

the open water paddlers. greenwood runners. the hike life trail club. for us it's not about running faster. it's about being out here together. the feeling is hard to describe. you cant put put into words. but we don't have to. for friends who come together to reach for better. we brew a superior tasting light beer with fewer carbs and calories. michelob ultra. the superior light beer. >> jimmy: i have good news for people who like to buy stuff. our friends at samsung have a brand new app called samsung pay. because of its unique

technology, samsung pay works on the old and the new payment terminals. we sent guillermo to check it out. >> what a loser. >> excuse me? >> paying with cash is so 2000 and lame. let me take care of it with samsung pay. >> i'm not sure that's going to work here. >> ha ha ha! let's try it. >> super cool! >> adios. >> and i'd like to pay for this with a third-party out-of-state check. >> a check? better check yourself before you wreck myself. and i'll take this too. >> can i get a slice with triple

pepperoni? and meatball. >> dicky: samsung pay works in more stores than any other mobile payment service. pay almost anywhere you can swipe or tap your card with samsung pay. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with adam scott. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ haven't been this lost in years ♪ (gps) ♪ recalculating shortest route ♪ ♪ do i really look like this? ♪ ♪ never seen this one before ♪ chicken parm you taste so good ♪ i like it. ♪ mmm mmm mmm mm mmm mm mmmmmm well now at subway you can "w"make it deluxe!" feeling?

50% more meat on any 6-inch sub for just 50¢ more, for our 50th anniversary. it's 50 for 50 on our 50th. so when you're craving that little extra... ...get to subway and make it deluxe. a box. it takes worn out things and makes 'em better. what's this? it's our biggest breakthrough yet! we're taking worn out batteries... ...and making them into something strong. energizer ecoadvanced. world's first long lasting battery made with 4% recycled batteries. innovative sonicare technology with up to 27% more brush movements versus oral b. get healthier gums in 2 weeks guaranteed. innovation and you. philips sonicare save when you buy the most loved rechargeable toothbrush brand in america.

during red lobster's ultimate seafood celebration. with jazzed up new dishes like the decadent grand seafood feast and the ultimate wood-grilled feast why wait to celebrate? so hurry in, it ends soon. ♪

santa has a magic snow globe for every family... ♪ ...and whatever he puts in our snow globe, shows up at our house. and this year, look at what he put in our driveway. santa can do that? he sure can, honey. the lexus december to remember sales event is going on now, with some of the most magical deals of the year. this is the pursuit of perfection.

>> jimmy: still to come, adam scott, andrea bocelli. our next guest has the face of an angel, a heart of a devil. from "five seasons," "parks and recreation," many things too, the next christmas torrey movie "krampus" which opens tomorrow, adam scott! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very good to see you. >> thank you very much, thank you. >> jimmy: you look very nice. >> you too, you too. >> jimmy: we both look nice. >> congratulations on having

bono on the show. >> jimmy: oh, there you go. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: your hard-core fans are aware you hosted or host a youtube podcast. >> yeah, i'm a big fan. my friend scott aukerman and i have a youtube podcast called you talk and u2 to me. >> jimmy: i like it because it's you guys talking about one u2 album per show? >> per episode, yeah. we did 22 of them. so that in each episode it was like two hours -- it ended up being at least 44 hours of us just talking about -- our wives were tired of hearing us talk about u2 so we started a podcast. >> jimmy: that's the way to go. eventually u2 did do your podcast. >> that's right. >> jimmy: which is -- >> they came. >> jimmy: there they are, there's u2. that's a great lesson for people, i think. if you summon them, they will come. did they know what was going on?

>> i mean -- they seemed to. they seem actually pretty well versed in our stupid, stupid podcast. and bono even like took scott and i into another room and played us tracks from their next album. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. it was -- he drew us a picture. >> jimmy: oh, that's the picture i have. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he drew -- do you have to share this picture? what is this picture? >> i believe that is a hairy vase. >> jimmy: a vase, yeah, uh-huh. >> with a party that's being dropped into it by -- i don't know, a string of pearls? >> jimmy: is this hanging in your home? >> it's in my daughter's room, yeah. >> jimmy: how would you rate, as far as life experiences go, having u2 on your youtube podcast? >> i mean, it was up there. it was like right in the middle, i guess. it was like my kids being born,

but they're wearing like bono sunglasses i guess. >> jimmy: so pretty high. >> very. >> jimmy: very, very high. this movie "srampus" looks very scary. is it? >> it's scary. well, krampus is this creature from german folklore who comes at christmas time and gathers up all kids who have been bad and kidnaps them and beats them with sticks. >> jimmy: yeah. it's really -- but it's a real -- >> it's a real thing. it's where santa claus came from. >> jimmy: it's not real. is it real? they feature that to their children in germany? >> yes, it's still a thing in germany. the movie itself is like "gremlins" or "poulter gais," an '80s-era a.mblin film, it's fun >> jimmy: we have a german cameraman, i've asked him about krampus, the shadow of st. nicholas.

you wonder why germany is weird? krampus. >> he should go see the movie [ bleep ] with his friends. >> he's probably there right now. [ bleep ] his lederhosen. >> that's right. >> jimmy: you play the dad. you have two kids now. >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you think about having more children? >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: okay. >> i think at this point -- like we just got a dog. i think that's enough. like the dog has ended up -- like i've never had a dog before. >> jimmy: ever in your life? >> ever. and i never thought -- never considered myself a dog person. like i always kind of -- like especially in l.a. i just thought people were just way too into their dogs. have you noticed that? >> jimmy: yes. >> it's crazy. like an organic dog baker. there's more than 12 organic dog bakeries in this city. >> jimmy: there are, yeah. that's not a joke. >> no, i'm serious. i never wanted to be a person

following a dog around with a plastic bag waiting for it to poop. i never wanted to be one of those people. then we got a dog. and literally, like within ten minutes, i was head over heels in love. >> jimmy: you love them, of course. >> with this dog, i -- i mean, i can't -- >> jimmy: what is the dog's name? >> ozzie. he is the best. i take him -- i brought him here. he's backstage. >> jimmy: really? >> i bring him everywhere. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. >> i wish you could meet him. >> jimmy: i will meet him. i'll meet him after -- >> actually -- is it weird if i bring him out? [ cheers and applause ] can we? >> jimmy: yes. >> is he here? s onzy? ozzie? hey, buddy. ozzie, right here, buddy. come here, come here, bud. come here, oz. >> jimmy: what breed is oz? >> ozzie's -- he's really sweet.

he's only 6 months old. >> jimmy: only 6 months? >> he's going to gain another probably like 100 pounds. >> jimmy: is that right? he's going to be big. >> he's a labradoodle. he's really sweet. >> jimmy: and you really -- i mean, i don't -- you know what he seems like -- what's going on? >> oh, oh -- oh, ozzie -- ozzy, no -- sorry, jimmy. >> jimmy: ozzie, please. i'm pretty sure it's a felony, what you're about to maybe do. >> okay, she -- i should take him on a walk. >> jimmy: oh, you need to go? >> yeah, i think -- >> jimmy: i don't mind you need to go. i mean, you need to go? >> i think he needs to go. >> jimmy: has he been fixed? >> no, he's ready to reproduce. i'm sorry. i could probably make an appointment of some sort. >> jimmy: i see that you're very close, yeah. he's very sweet. adam scott, everybody. "krampus" opens in theaters tomorrow. we'll be right back with andrea

bocel bocelli. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung.

and that's what we're doing at xfinity. we are challenging ourselves to improve every aspect of your experience. and this includes our commitment to being on time. every time. that's why if we're ever late for an appointment, we'll credit your account $20. it's our promise to you. we're doing everything we can to give you the best experience possible. because we should fit into your life. not the other way around.

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank maya rudolph, adam scott, chris hardwick and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, but first, his album is called "cinema." here with the song "be my love" andrea bocelli! ♪ be my love for no one else can end this yearning ♪ ♪ this need that you and you alone create ♪ ♪ just fill my arms the way you've

filled my dreams ♪ ♪ the dreams that you inspire with every sweet desire ♪ ♪ be my love and with your kisses set me burning ♪ ♪ one kiss is all i need to seal my fate ♪ ♪ and hand in hand we'll find love's promised land ♪ ♪ there'll be no one but you, for me eternally if you will be my love ♪ ♪ and hand in hand

♪ ♪ ♪ and hand in hand we'll find love's promised land ♪ ♪ there'll be no one but you, for me eternally ♪ ♪ if you will be my love ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

thank you. this is a special edition of "nightline." >> tonight we're here in san bernardino, california. a community reeling in the wake of tragedy. as we come on the air we're learning more about the victims who lost their lives at a holiday party and those terrifying moments after the attackers stormed in. >> try to relax, everyone, try to relax. i'll take a bullet before you that's for damn sure. >> like a bomb went off. >> a survivor story. >> i'm trying to contact my wife, tell her i love her. >> from the alleged killer's co-workers who was sitting at a table with him just minutes before, living through the unimaginable. the final dramatic moments for that couple on a mission to kill.